1 - 20 of 31 Works by AndromedaButterflies
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Simon is trying to work through his feelings...
Things have gotten better, since America. Things are finally beginning to look a little less terrible for Simon Snow. With Penelope and Baz's help, Simon is beginning to look for the brighter parts of his future, even if he has to accept the sacrifices that he's made in the past to get there.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 737
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- Kudos:
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- Hits:
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where do we go from here? by AndromedaButterflies
Fandoms: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
25 Oct 2019
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I can’t make him mine. I can’t take away his sadness, I can’t fix him. In a way, I knew it would all end like this. With both of us on the opposite sides of a line, whether or not we should be.
There’s a fine line between love and hate.
I can’t make him love me...
You were the sun, and I was crashing into you...I would wake up every day and think, this will end in flames…
I choose you, Simon Snow. I chose you once, and I won’t stop choosing you, even if you don’t choose me.
I choose you. -
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"Crowley, Snow, my family doesn't hate you!" Baz says, running a pale hand through his dark hair, and I can hear the exasperation in his voice. It makes me flinch, but then I take a deep breath, and tip my head back to that it's resting on the edge of the couch.
"Yes they do, Baz. Seriously. They still think I'm somehow going to start a war or some shit like that," I say, and close my eyes. Baz is adamant on inviting me for Christmas to his creepy Victorian gothic mansion, but I don't know what the hell he's thinking. He's gone mad if he's somehow convinced himself that his family won't burn me at the stake if they see me there.
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It's happening again. I should've known it was going to; I was an idiot for thinking that I was never going to have to experience this again. The harsh panting, the raw feeling in my throat, the painful aftertaste of having to swallow down another wave of nausea. I thought that I would never have to suffer through overdosing on another round of hopeless dreaming, wishful thinking, mindless wondering. I thought I would never have to wake up, fingers clutching at my hair in frustration, tears threatening to spill heavily, eyes shut tightly. I thought I would never have to wake up to reality, again. Alone.
The word is stuck in my mind, on a loop, like a broken record. You're alone, Simon. Alone, alone, alone. You're alone. You always be.
I clutch at my sheets tightly, and my mind is dark. I should've known this was going to happen again.
I was stupid for being so blind. So fucking stupid.
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the thing that was so disappointing to me wasn't that Baz was a bad person. no, it was nothing like that.
the thing that was so disappointing to me was that I couldn't help but fall in love with him.
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As soon as I walk into the cafeteria, I see him, at the far end of the room. I don’t think that he notices me. I mean, he can’t. He never does. People like him, with the stars at their fingertips and the sky in their brains, don’t notice people like me. It’s just how it's always been.
And then, as I sit down at a table that’s empty, his head turns, his own grey eyes meeting my blue ones.
He smirks, and I can tell that he’s already, already, no good for me.
Just my luck.
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it's funny, how fast things can change. one second, he's standing there, with his hand against the glass window, staring out at the rolling green hills and bright-blue sky.
just across from him, is someone else. but this time, he's taller. Slimmer. Black hair, as dark as midnight. Pale skin, the shade of freshly-fallen snow.
they both don't know that something unfathomable is around the corner. -
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Simon Snow was filled with so much light, that the stars would be jealous. He was a portal into a world of compassion, kindness, strength, bravery.
And he was Baz's. Forever and completely.
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I'm running. I'm running and running and running, and I've never ran this fast before in my life, towards the White Chapel. The cold, winter air hits my face in sharp tendrils and my feet slip and slide in the thin layers of snow, and all I'm doing is staring at the bright, white light coming from the tower in the distance. I can hear my heart beating in my throat, and my lungs burn and ache and I don't know how much longer I can run without collapsing to the ground, but no. No, I have to keep going. I have to stop him, because if I don't, then no one else will.
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It feels like crashing and falling and burning all at the same time, but it's living, and Crowley, the feeling of being alive is all I've ever wanted.
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I'm sitting on the couch, reading a book for school when Baz comes in, looking like he was just dumped over the head with a pail of water. He throws his bag on the ground and doesn't even bother saying hello to me. I know that the rain is terrible, but normally, Baz doesn't get this upset over it.
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The first time he walks into the old, run-down cafe, it feels like he's from some sort of old vampire-villain comic book.
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With a last deep breath, I open my mouth again, to ask one of the most important questions of my life. Merlin, I still can't believe that this is happening. I never thought that I would be able to have this. I didn't think that it would ever be possible. But it is. It completely is.
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His eyes meet mine, and it almost feels like for a split second, the world pauses. Just for a second, it feels as if everything has stopped and we're floating in mid air.
And then the world comes crashing down around us and both of our walls fall apart and everything comes flooding back.
I could've lost him.
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My mother's funeral didn't even seem real. I remember it being a compilation of damp eyes, hands tightly clutching at bunches of fabric, bodies trying to hold themselves together but failing in the midst of everything.
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His lips are warm against my skin, and I don't know what it is, but the smell of him, the feel of him, makes me kiss him a little bit harder. Makes me hang onto him a little while longer.
He makes me go insane. -
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Baz comes home to a sleeping Simon.
I honestly really hate writing summaries.