"ada" stands for atsushi defense association
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Dazai knows a thing or two about scars. He can tell the old ones from the new, the superficial from the deep, the merely uncomfortable from the utterly agonizing. And so he knows, with a single look, that Atsushi had spent years and years of his youth with pain as his oldest, closest companion.
The "ADA discovers Atsushi's scars" fic that this fandom deserves
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Ranpo and Dazai share a meaningful look, before Ranpo says, tone uncharacteristically cautious, “Okay, hang on. Pretend for a second that I’m an idiot and I’ve never heard of this sort of point system before in my life, and try to describe it to me.”
Atsushi is quiet for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. To explain the system would be to explain the cycle of day and night, or the changing of the seasons. He’s never stopped to try to put it into words; it's simply the natural order of things.
“Well, I’ve already had lunch today. And two cups of tea. And Kyoka gave me a couple of her gummy candies in the afternoon. So with the system I’m used to, that would probably be…” Atsushi pauses to calculate. “Close to two dozen points already. I’m not sure if I have enough left over for dinner tonight.”
We as a fandom do not discuss this deeply fucked up orphanage point system enough
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“Atsushi,” the headmaster says sternly, and it’s all Atsushi can do not to turn and run at that familiar tone, the one that promised pain soon to follow. “You aren’t listening to me.”
But Atsushi is beyond listening. He’s beyond reason or rationality. While a small, determined part of him insists that the headmaster can’t force him to do anything anymore, not now that he has the tiger to protect him, a larger part says otherwise. This part of him is possessed of the unwavering certainty of frightened children, the ones who know that monsters are not only real, but unconquerable.
In which the headmaster actually makes it to the ADA to congratulate Atsushi following the conclusion of the Guild Arc.
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Useless.
In his mind, that word is almost exclusively spoken in the headmaster’s clear, cruel voice, and with it comes a rush of remembered sensations, so vivid and all-consuming that Atsushi half-believes he’s back in the orphanage.
The ache of hunger, radiating out from his stomach and deep into the bones of his ribcage. The sharp, bitter taste of blood in his mouth. The strange but undeniable rhythm of a beating, the pauses and blows almost as metrical as music.
The agony of a nail pierced straight through his foot, the admonishment that he must learn to endure pain echoing throughout the room.
And then Atsushi can breathe again.
Because he knows.
He knows what he has to do to make this right, and the certainty and simplicity of it are oddly comforting. He just has to prove his worth. Despite his mistakes this morning, he isn’t useless.
He just has to show everyone exactly how much he can endure.
Whumptober #29: Troubled Past Resurfacing
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- Part 3 of whumptober 2023
- Part 4 of "ada" stands for atsushi defense association
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“Ranpo, we all know you could deduce exactly who took the chocolates,” says Dr. Yosano. “Why not just figure it out yourself and be done with it?”
But Atsushi understands. He understands perfectly. There’s a ritual to penance, and the headmaster won’t be satisfied unless Atsushi performs every step. Swallowing down against the mounting nausea, forcing his leaden limbs to move through will alone, and confessing to what he’s done are as much a part of the punishment as the pain that follows.
Atsushi stumbles to his feet, steps forward, and all but crumples into perfect dogeza. It won’t convince them of his remorse — he hasn’t bled enough for that, not yet — but if nothing else, the position does protect his face, at least in the beginning.
Whumptober day #9 - Flashbacks
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