Chapter Text
Checking his phone for about the thousandth time that morning, Kelly lets out a deep sigh when there’s still nothing from Matt yet. It’s barely 11 o’clock but still, Kelly’s finding it hard to concentrate on the paperwork before him. He’d tried to wake Matt before they left for shift but he was so out of it that all Kelly got in return was sleepy mumbles as Matt buried himself deeper under the covers.
Still staring at his phone he’s about two seconds away from just calling Matt himself and checking up on him when he hears fond chuckling behind him. Spinning around in his chair he finds Herrmann leaning against the door jamb of his quarters and holding two coffee mugs.
“It’s about time you fell in love, kid.”
“Really, because it’s giving me grey hairs.” Severide sasses, accepting the much-needed caffeine that Herrmann hands over.
“Caring that much about someone ain’t easy. Cindy and five kids, why’d you think my hair’s thinning out.”
“Don’t even joke, I am not losing my hair. I feel like I’m losing my mind though, I just wanna go home to him, I don’t know how I’m gonna make it 24 hours.”
“Well, Benny still has a full head of hair, so you’ll probably be fine. Speaking of, I saw him at Molly's last night. What’s it like having him around?”
“Ah, it’s good so far but you know Benny – he’s Benny.”
“Last night at Molly's, Benny spent half the night telling stories and the other half asking to hear stories about you and Casey. Benny’s not great at saying how he feels and he’s not the best at showing it, most of us firefighters aren’t. But he really does care about you and as a father myself, all you really want is for your kids to be happy and healthy.” Severide doesn’t seem so convinced by his attempted reassurance so with a sigh, Herrmann takes a seat on the foot of the bunk. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Severide opens his mouth to say ‘everything’s fine’ but Herrmann just gives him a look that makes it clear, he’s not gonna put up with any bullshit. Taking a deep breath, Severide decides to go with a little honesty, Benny always had a way of bringing up all his old insecurities.
“The thing is, Matt doesn’t have his parents anymore, my mom’s been checked out since I was 16 – that just leaves Benny and that is a terrifying thought. I never know where his head’s at, I can never count on him to be there when I need him, never have.”
“That’s why you have us, all of us. We’re your family too. It gets said so often around here that maybe sometimes – it just sounds like something you say but it’s so much more than that. I’ve seen Casey go from candidate to Lieutenant in this House, seen you go from youngest ever assigned to Squad to running Squad. Watched both of you grow as firefighters, as people, as leaders. There isn’t anyone in this House who isn’t here for you two, whatever you need, you can always rely on us.”
“Thanks, Herrmann. That means a lot, I guess I could stand to remember that more often.”
“That’s what I’m here for.” Herrmann stands, clapping Severide on the shoulder as he heads for the door, turning back at the threshold to add. “One last pearl of wisdom. While Matt’s recovering, he needs someone to worry about him because we all know he won’t do it for himself. But if you try to go all mother hen on him, you’re just gonna piss each other off, just try to remember how cranky pants you get when too many people ask if you’re okay.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, Herrmann.” Kelly chuckles.
“Squad 3, Ambulance 61, person trapped.”
Kelly doesn’t get the chance to dwell on Herrmann’s advice or thoughts of how Benny’s gonna let him down next or worrying about when Matt will finally wake up and call him. The sound of the bells snapping him back into work mode and easily slipping back into the familiar headspace of Lieutenant Severide, heading for the rig and getting to work. Though Kelly had to admit he was glad this wasn’t a joint call with Truck, he loves those guys but he still isn’t ready to work with Patterson just yet.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Waking slowly, warm and comfortable, wrapped up in the familiar scent of him and Kelly mingled together, Matt lets out a contented moan. Stretching out and rolling over to reach for Kelly only to find his side of the bed cold and empty. Opening his eyes and confirming that Kelly isn’t there, Matt’s good mood almost disappears completely until he spots the note sitting on Kelly’s pillow.
‘Morning gorgeous.
We’re on shift but Benny’s here if you need anything.
Call me when you wake up.
Love you, baby boy. ;) See you in 24.’
Matt can’t help but smile as he reads, a warm feeling spreading through his whole body, knowing just how much Kelly loves him, with a spring in his step he jumps out of bed, only to drop back onto the bed almost immediately. Oh, that was a bad idea. In his good mood he’d forgotten Rhodes’ instructions to sit and stand up slowly, he’d just ignored both in one giant stupid leap and now his head and stomach are spinning in what felt like opposite directions making it somehow even more disorientating.
Standing slowly this time, Matt makes his way to the bathroom, deciding it was safer to sit to pee rather than risk making a mess if he got dizzy again, a mess that he would have to clean up. Sitting on the edge of the tub as he brushes his teeth, Matt wonders what he’s gonna do today, he can’t drive and even if he could he’s got nowhere to go, no work, no Kelly, no Shay. Benny’s here but talking to him is a minefield on the best of days and he’s not sure his head can take it today.
His mood turning bitter Matt trudges back to the bedroom, he’s still so tired even though it feels like he’s done nothing but sleep for weeks. Falling back into bed and burying himself in the covers and what’s left of Kelly’s smell, the note long forgotten about. He falls back to sleep, avoiding this day for just a little while longer.
It’s a few hours before the growling of his empty stomach wakes him once more, forcing him out of bed to face what was left of the day. Remembering to sit up slowly this time, Matt’s eyes land once more on the note Kelly had left him and he realises that he’d forgotten to call. Grabbing his phone only to find the battery dead, is when Matt decides that this day can officially go straight to hell. Putting the phone on charge and throwing some clothes on, he wanders downstairs in search of food.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Benny’s on the couch going over CFD papers for the possible teaching position, he’d almost forgotten how much the CFD loved paperwork or maybe he’d just blocked it out. He can barely see the coffee table anymore and his eyes are struggling to stay focused already. He’s in dire need of a break when he hears Matt moving around upstairs.
“Hey, how you feeling, kid?” He asks, looking over his shoulder to see his son’s boyfriend shuffle down the stairs. It’s still strange for him to think of Kelly having a boyfriend but then again he would have been surprised if Kelly were in a serious relationship with a woman. He’s just happy that Kelly’s happy and he knows better than anyone that sometimes life gives you happiness in ways you least expected.
“Like an old man.” Matt growls, as he comes to a stop by the couch. “I nap in the day, have to sit up slowly, have to piss sitting down in case I get dizzy and everyone keeps asking if I’m okay.” Sighing as he scrubs his hands over his face, Benny can see the bags under the man’s eyes, the slight hollow of his cheeks partially hidden by the growing beard. But more than anything Benny recognises the frustration in his eyes. “Sorry, that was dick-ish. I gotta eat, you want anything?”
“No, I’m good thanks but I can make you something, if you like?” Benny offers as Casey moves over to the kitchen.
“Appreciate it, Benny but I really just need to do something for myself right now.”
“I can respect that.” Benny’s seen enough on the job injuries and been through one or two himself to know how Matt’s feeling right now.
It takes a special kind of breed to be a firefighter, that was true enough but that breed isn’t good at being benched, for any reason, even for their own good. Being told to take time to relax and heal up, not being able to do the thing that they were born to do. It leaves them restless, like a bored dog being left alone in the house for too long, climbing the walls and destroying the furniture. Benny also knows that if you try to back that dog into a corner then you might just lose a few fingers, it requires a gentle approach. So, he stays on the couch and lets Matt do something for himself just like he’d said.
Benny’s gone back to reading, his plan seeming like a good place to start, he still has so many questions to ask and he knows getting information out of Kelly is like getting blood from a stone and the risk of starting an argument is always high. He was hoping to have a better conversation with Matt today but the chances of that seem pretty slim right now. He’s lost in reading over the new disciplinary measures for candidates when the sound of a knife clattering across the countertop snaps his attention over to the kitchen.
“Shit!” Matt jumps back, having dropped the knife he was using to slice tomatoes for his sandwich and grabbing his hand. Benny’s up and by his side in a flash, guiding his hand under the kitchen tap to run cold water over the cut and take a proper look at it.
“Ah, I think you might need a few stitches, Casey.”
“No! I am not going back to the damn hospital, I just got out of there.” Matt snaps, even as he looks at the small pool of blood on the chopping board.
“Alright then, I can take care of it here but it won’t be pretty. You got any superglue?” Benny concedes, the cut is on Matt’s left index finger, it’s not too deep but long, from the second knuckle almost down to the join of his thumb and bleeding pretty steadily.
“Junk draw.” Matt points across the kitchen. “I don’t care if it’s ‘pretty’ or not. No way in hell, I’m going back to Med unless it’s in the back of an ambulance.”
“I know that feeling.” Benny seals up the cut and has Matt sit at the kitchen counter while he cleans up and finishes making the sandwich for him. Putting the plate in front of him only for Casey to push it away and stand on slightly unsteady legs.
“I’m not even hungry anymore.”
“Yeah, you are. You haven’t eaten since last night and lunch was an hour ago. Now, sit and eat.” Benny pulled out his most fatherly tone and it seemed to do the trick. Casey begrudgingly sitting back down and starting to eat.
Pouring them both a cup of decaf coffee, Benny takes the seat next to Matt and claps a hand on his shoulder. “It’s gonna be alright, Casey.”
“No, it’s not!” Matt shrugs the hand off. “I cut my hand because I got dizzy! If this keeps happening, if I can’t even make a damn sandwich, they’ll never let me back on my truck!” His voice raising as he slams a hand on the counter hard enough to make coffee slosh over the edge of the mugs.
A heavy silence hangs between them, Matt scrubbing his hands over his face once more but with a deep frustrated, what could only be described as a growl this time. Benny recognising that this seemed to be one of Matt’s ticks, like how Kelly scratches the back of his neck.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” Matt lets out a deep sigh, holding his head in his hands. “I’m being a total asshole today. I just don’t know how much of this I can take before I lose my mind. It feels like – like –”
“Like paralysis.” Benny finishes the thought for him, knowing exactly how Matt feels right now. “Trust me, I know. Leaving the CFD was just about the hardest thing I’ve ever done but Matt, nothing’s set in stone yet.”
“Why did you retire? You came up with Boden, right? He’s still going strong.”
“Finish your sandwich and I’ll tell you all about it.” Benny bargains, grabbing their mugs to move them back over to the couches where it’s more comfortable.
“Is everyone adept at blackmail these days?” Matt scoffs, following with his plate.
“So, why did you leave?” Matt asks again once they’re settled.
“Ah, it wasn’t one thing, it was more a build-up. 25 years of my body taking a beating it couldn’t handle anymore, bad knees, bad back, I couldn’t do it anymore. Had to leave while I could still walk upright, went over to arson for a time and I did some good while I was there but it wasn’t the same. I got sick of the 9-5 and white shirts, retirement and fishing got more appealing by the day. So, one day I just went for it. Took me a lot longer to adjust than I thought it would.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. The longer it takes me to heal up, the more likely I am to go on disability, or if the white shirts don’t like the sound of a head injury, they can put me on it anyway. We all know this job is risky, we know it could kill us one day but I’m just not ready to give it up yet. 75% pay doesn’t make up for that.”
“No, it doesn’t. But no one’s said anything about disability yet. You haven’t even had your first check-up yet. Don’t go throwing in the white towel already, kid. Your career ain’t over yet.”
“Urgh, I really do climb the walls when I’ve got nothing to do.” Matt chuckles half-heartedly at himself.
“Why don’t we talk about something else?” Benny suggests.
“You got something in mind?”
“Well, I am curious how you and Kelly became – you and Kelly but I don’t know how many questions I can ask before putting my foot in it or Kelly taking it the wrong way. I don’t know much about you.”
“Let’s find out. What’d you wanna know?”
“You from Chicago?”
“Yep, born and raised.”
“Gay?” Benny says carefully.
“Uh, that’s kinda complicated. I’m Bi, but me and Kelly were together once before, a long time ago. Maybe we should skip that one.” There’s a long story to go along with this answer and he’s not really comfortable talking to Benny about it. He hasn’t even really talked it out with Kelly yet.
“Fair enough. Your parents?”
“Gone, house fire when I was a kid.”
“Well, it didn’t take me long to put my foot in it after all.” Benny sighs, shaking his head at himself and Matt lets out the first genuine laugh in what feels like too long.
“It’s alright. It was a freak electrical thing, nobody’s fault and it was a long time ago. I was only eight and I’ve made my peace with it, as much as you can anyway. Actually, it was Bobby Dunbar who pulled me out, he kept in touch and I used to go to the House and firefighter barbecues and all that stuff. Probably why I went to the fire academy.”
“Bobby Dunbar, my god, I can’t remember the last time I saw that old bastard. They don’t make them like that anymore.” Benny gets this nostalgic look on his face and Matt can’t help but laugh.
“Kelly’s told me how you like to lecture about there being no real firefighters since the 70’s.”
“Yeah, yeah. Well, I heard what you did, Bobby D should be proud.”
“Oh, he is. I already heard the ‘he’s proud but I’m stupid’ lecture. He came by the hospital or maybe he called. I can’t really remember but I know the lecture well by now.”
Benny laughs. “Yeah, I’ve heard and told that one myself a few times. Well, since you’ve finished your sandwich and we’re both climbing the walls. How about we swing by 51?” Benny gets to his feet, already grabbing keys and his jacket. “It’s good to be around your people when you’re healing up.”
Matt hadn’t even realised that he’d finished eating between talking. Wow, Benny had really put him at ease Matt thinks as he gets up to put his shoes on, how the hell did that happen.
Locking up the apartment behind them Benny asks. “Just so I don’t put my foot in it again. Does the house know about you and Kelly, or not?
“Uhm, they know. Not that I remember telling them. Happened right before I got my bell rung and I haven’t really seen any of them properly since.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Benny and Casey are barely two feet on the apparatus floor when Cruz’s voice rings out over the PA system. “Smoke-Eaters in the House!” The whole House suddenly floods out of the double doors to come and meet them.
“Donut men in the house! Donuts everyone!” Benny corrects, holding up the massive box of donuts he’d insisted they needed to pick up along the way.
Matt gets pulled into a group hug, far more gentle than what he’s used to, everyone’s smiling and clapping and just so damn glad to see him.
“Wow, look at the beard. That’s a bit more than a five o’clock shadow.” Herrmann wise cracks.
“Yeah, yeah, I could probably use a shave.” Casey smirks, running his fingers over the scruff on his face and then there’s this stilted moment, like no one’s quite sure what to say. Mouch edging his way closer and closer to Benny’s side.
“Are those for anyone?” Mouch asks, half reaching for the box of donuts Benny’s still holding, everyone chuckling as Benny hands them over. Everyone relaxing and taking the spotlight off of Casey and now he gets why they brought them. “It’s good to see you too, Lieutenant.” Mouch claps him on the shoulder before disappearing back inside with his treats.
Shay throwing an arm around Matt as they walk in together, meeting Boden in the common room. “Casey, it’s good to see you up and about. Glad you’re here.” Boden giving one of his rare big smiles as they shake hands.
“It’s good to be here, Chief.”
Boden turns and double takes when he sees Benny sitting at the long table. “Benny Severide, my god, what are you doing here?”
“Oh, just came to see some of the old timers and catch up with my son.”
“Well, good to see you. Just try and stay out of trouble this time. If you’ll excuse me, I have some paperwork that needs my attention.” Boden makes his exit.
“Hey, Casey, you staying for dinner? I’m cooking.” Cruz calls from the kitchen.
“You’re kidding right, I just got out of the hospital, I don’t need what you call cooking to send me back there.” Casey sasses, a solid chuckle rippling around the room. “Squad out on a run?” He asks Shay as they take a seat at the round table, not having seen Kelly or any of his guys yet.
“Yeah, they should be back soon.” She tells him, giving his hand a squeeze under the table. “I’m so happy you’re here.”
“Me too.” Looking around the room Casey sees all the familiar faces but not the one he’s looking for, asking Shay. “So, where’s my reliver at?”
“Probably tucked away doing paperwork. He’s not the most sociable of people.” Matt hums in response, not so sure he’s ready to meet the guy, he’s glad to be with everyone but it’s strange to be at the house without being at the house.
“You want coffee?” He offers standing back up.
“No, I’m good.” Shay declines, pulling out her phone. Since Shay’s been sucked in by her phone Casey risks it and reaches for the regular pot instead of the decaf. “I can see you, you know.” She sing-songs not even looking up from her screen.
“Come on, Shay. I need caffeine. Kelly, hid the real coffee and decaf sucks.” Matt complains, turning his body away and holding the pot protectively away from her.
“Actually, that was me. I know you too, Matthew ‘sneaky bastard’ Casey.” She says coming over and pouring him a cup of decaf before exchanging it for the regular pot and putting it back.
“You’re mean but you do know me.” Matt can’t help the small smile in the corner of his mouth.
“Cindy did that to me last time I got dinged up. It’s the one’s that love you that really take care of you, even when you’re too stupid to do it yourself.” Herrmann chimes in.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Walking through the turnout room, skimming a hand over the sleeves of all the coats, he just needed a moment to himself. Casey finds himself standing in front of his gear, running a hand over his smoked stained name on the back of the jacket, feeling the familiar weight of the jacket and the rough fabric, he wonders when he’ll get to wear it again, trying and failing to block out that little voice that says, if he’ll ever get to wear it again.
It’s an ingrained habit that he can’t quite shake to check that his gear’s been properly cleaned before being put away. Looking over the whole jacket Matt’s fingertips come to rest over a bloodstain inside the collar. His blood. Not remembering the accident, waking up at Med with his memory the way it was, then just wanting to get the hell out of there, the reality of how close a call he’d really had hadn’t had a chance to sink in but looking at your own blood makes it hard to deny. He could have been left far worse off than how he woke up, he could have died, just when he got everything he wanted, Shay and Kelly, the three of them together again. Kelly… he really wants Kelly right now.
Matt’s pulled out of his thoughts by someone clearing their throat behind him. “Sorry to intrude.” The man says, offering his hand. “You must be Lieutenant Casey. I’m Dallas, Dallas Patterson. I’m –”
“My relief.” Casey finishes for him when he hesitates, shaking the man’s hand and spotting the bugles on his collar. “And a Captain I see, they promoted my job.”
“Oh, uh, Boden actually asked me to come in. We’ve known each other for a while, I guess he wanted someone he knew. People in this house have nothing but good things to say about you – you and Lieutenant Severide.” Patterson adds, shifting a little uncomfortably.
“Oh, yeah. That’s – that’s kinda new.” Matt scratches at his beard. “You checking the gear?” He changes the subject, pointing to the clipboard in the Captain’s hand.
“Paperwork never ends.” Patterson tries to joke but it feels rigid somehow.
“I remember. Well, I’ll leave you to it.” Casey creates an exit for himself, feeling a twinge of something he can’t quite name but it’s not a pleasant feeling to come face to face with your replacement when there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.
Wandering out of the turnout room in a daze and heading back into the common room when Matt’s back is suddenly plastered with Shay. Slamming into him from behind, wrapping her arms around his middle and squeezing him tight. “So, that’s where you disappeared to. I’ve been looking all over for you.”
“Yeah, it just got a little loud in there. Otis and Cruz.” He says by way of explanation.
“Ah, the two stooges giving you a headache. I understand.” She chuckles with understanding, releasing him from her death grip.
“Just grateful there isn’t a third stooge on my truck.” Matt jokes but Shay sees the wince he tries to hide. It’s not his truck right now and nobody knows when it will be again – if it will be his again.
“You wanna play cards out here then?” Shay suggest, not wanting either of them to dwell on what they were both just thinking.
“Sure. I’ve got some time to kick your ass at cards.”
“Hey, I’m good at cards!”
“You are – but unfortunately for you, I know all your tells.” Matt sasses as he takes Kelly’s seat at the Squad table and damn is that thing comfortable.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rolling back in from that last call, that took almost two hours longer than it should have by the way, Kelly’s feeling all ‘cranky pants’ as Herrmann had so eloquently put it. He still hasn’t heard anything from Matt, he’s tired and hungry while trying and failing not to worry about the sleepy blonde he left in his bed that morning.
Jumping down out of the Squad and slamming the door closed to hang up his coat, Kelly’s halfway out of his turnout pants when he hears Capp shout. “Hey, Casey’s here!” Turning so fast he loses his balance and almost face plants the floor, Kelly sees Matt and Shay at the Squad table, it looks like they’ve been playing cards but the thing that really gets Kelly’s attention is how good Matt looks sitting in his armchair. Now, ordinarily seeing anyone else sitting in his chair would piss him off to no end but something about it feels right, a possessive feeling thrumming through him at the sight.
“What’re you doing here?” Kelly beams, feeling the smile tugging at his cheeks as he pulls his station boots back on.
“Oh, it’s nice to know I’m still welcome.” Matt sasses, getting a laugh out of Shay and the guys as he reluctantly leaves the comfort and warmth of Kelly’s chair, to walk over to them. No wonder Kelly was so attached to that thing.
“It’s good to see you, Casey.” Tony smiles, clapping him on the shoulder as the guy’s head inside, Shay following with a knowing smirk, saying she needed a coffee refill anyway.
“Finally, alone.” Severide smiles, wrapping his arms around Matt’s waist and pulling him in close, humming. “You know, you looked good sitting in that chair. My man, in my chair.”
“Oh, you liked that, huh? I thought you were more protective of it than that.”
“Protective of you.” Kelly smirks, leaning in for a kiss. A thought popping into his head making him pull back before their lips touch. “Wait a second, how did you get here?”
“I hitched.” Matt sasses just to see the millisecond of panic cross Kelly’s face, breaking into a laugh before saying. “No, your dad’s here and he said I should come with. It’s good to be around your people when you’re healing.”
“That’s great.” Kelly holding Matt tight and rubbing a hand up and down his back. “I’ve been wanting to come home to you all day.”
“Me too. I missed you more than I thought I would, waking up alone sucks.” Matt snuggles in close, tucking his head into Kelly’s neck.
“Hey, I tried waking you up. All I got was sleepy mumbles and you buried yourself back under the covers.” Kelly chuckles, dropping a kiss in Matt’s hairline, Matt tilting his head up and drawing Kelly in for the kind of kiss he’s been craving since he woke up alone.
Finishing his gear check, Patterson stalls in the doorway of the turnout room, confronted with the sight of the two House Lieutenants locked in a pretty passionate kiss right in the middle of the apparatus floor. As an officer and a Captain, he has a problem with this, he doesn’t give a damn that they’re both men, the issue is that they’re officers in the same House. He’s seen and heard of relationships on the job causing problems too many times and it’s just so typical of someone like Severide. A second-generation firefighter and an officer no less, having his way through the hierarchy of the CFD made easier just because of who his father was, people willing to look the other way and make concessions. Scoffing, the Captain turns and heads back inside by way of the doors at the other end of the room.
Kelly slides a hand from Matt’s shoulder all the way down to his hand, intertwining their fingers and he feels something wrapped around Matt’s hand. Breaking this kiss and bringing their joined hands up to their eyeline, he sees it’s a bandage.
“What happened?” Kelly asks, concern evident even to his own ears.
“Ah, it’s nothing.” Matt sighs, pulling his hand back.
“Matt, what happened?” Kelly asks again more firmly, not taking that for an answer.
“I was making a sandwich and my hand slipped. I’m fine, really it’s just a small cut and Benny patched it up for me.”
“I asked him to be there for you, I meant before you hurt yourself not after.”
“My god, you are so overprotective.” Matt chuckles. “Seriously, we’ve run into burning buildings together but you’re freaking out over a tiny cut.”
The Captain wasn’t the only one with eyes on the couple’s sweet moment. Dawson had been walking by the tower when she was stopped in her tracks by their first kiss, feeling her heart drop into her stomach as she froze in place. Last night at Molly's, Benny was asking so many questions about Casey and how the two men worked together that she’d thought he was just as sceptical of this ‘relationship’ as she was. But since they’d shown up at the House, she could see how Benny was deflecting attention and questions away from Matt when things got too intense.
It made her angry and jealous down to her bones in a way that she’d never felt before, she wanted to be the one by Matt’s side, making him smile, taking care of him, being the one Matt looked at like how he was looking at Severide right now. They really are a couple and the realisation hits so hard she wants to throw up on her own shoes. And that just pisses her off, that bitter feeling turning to fire in her veins. Like father, like son, Severide is going to fuck this up at some point, it’s in his nature. All she has to do is bide her time and be there to pick up the pieces when Matt’s heart is inevitably broken. She doesn’t understand how Matt can’t see it, that Severide can’t be trusted with something as precious as his heart.
She’s oblivious to Cruz coming up behind her until with a chuckle he says. “I gotta say, I didn’t see that one coming but they do look good together.”
“Yeah.” She sighs, hoping her voice sounded genuine.
“Dinner’s on the table, I was just coming out to go tell the lovebirds.” Cruz tells her, moving for the doors out to the app floor.
“I’m not hungry. I’m actually just gonna go lay down for a while.” She lies, she couldn’t watch them together any longer.
“My cooking’s not that bad. You feeling okay, Dawson?” He asks, concern written all over his face.
“Yeah, no, I’m just tired.” She adds, walking away before Cruz can try and dig any deeper.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
At everyone’s insistence, especially Kelly’s, Matt and Benny stick around for dinner and for once, Cruz’s cooking isn’t that bad, it’s not just edible but actually pretty good. The chatter’s easy and relaxed, Patterson comes out of the woodwork to join them but Matt really wishes he hadn’t, he swears he can feel the man’s eyes boring into him from down the table. It’s making him truly uncomfortable and, in all honesty, a little paranoid, if he wasn’t sat so close to Kelly he might just run out of the room, holding his man’s hand under the table is one of the only things keeping him in his seat. Being so close to Kelly is helping keep him calm but if they were at home, he’d want nothing more than to crawl into the man’s lap and kiss him senseless. Yet he doesn’t feel like they can even kiss, not with Patterson analysing their every move, even holding hands under the table feels risky but he’s not about to give that up.
Benny’s at the far end of the table, telling stories that keep everyone’s attention, he really would have to thank him later, maybe get him a nice bottle of whisky. It’s a small gesture but what Benny’s doing really means a lot.
Sitting with Sev, Boden and Shay at the top end of the table, it’s the closest to normal he’s felt since the accident. Yet he can’t help but notice Dawson’s absence and wondering why she isn’t here. She’d seemed so happy to see him when he got here, he hasn’t seen much of her lately and he doesn’t know why, he misses her. Of course, this is when it happens, his moment of normality shattered like glass by the sound of the bells.
“Ambulance 61, man down – heart attack.”
The noise is like a shock to the system as Shay jumps up and head for the rig, the volume rattling his skull making him wince, his eyes scrunching up as a hand flies up to hold his head.
Kelly’s hand is on his back in an instant along with the whole table’s attention but it’s the Chief who asks. “You alright, Casey?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He winces, forcing a fake smile onto his face and shrugging it off. “It’s just a little louder than I remember.” All eyes are on him and there’s an uncomfortable silence holding the room in stasis until Benny starts up the chatter again. Matt can’t help but notice how everyone starts speaking quieter and this was exactly what he didn’t want. To be treated differently in his own House.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Matt’s clearly getting tired after dinner needs to be getting home but Kelly knows the man’s too stubborn to admit it. So, he pulls Benny aside and after getting the full story of what happened to Matt’s hand, Kelly asks Benny to get Matt home. Benny reassuring his son that Matt would be fine and he’s keeping an eye on him. Everyone says their goodbye’s, once again saying how great it was to see Matt before Kelly walks them out, wanting to say goodbye without so many prying eyes around.
“I’ll be in the car when you’re ready, Casey.” Benny calls back as he walks to his car, giving the boys a moment alone.
“You gonna be okay tonight?” Kelly asks, standing close and running a hand up and down Matt’s arm.
“Yeah, it sucks sleeping alone but Benny’s around and you can hear his snoring through walls. So, I guess that’s something.”
“It’s something, alright. Just, text me before you go to bed and no more cooking, baby.”
“I wasn’t cooking but I won’t as long as you get your ass home as soon shift is over.”
“Be out of here the second I can. Love you, baby.”
“Love you too.” Matt pulls Kelly in for a goodbye kiss before heading for the car, turning back to add. “Hey, keep your badge off the wall.”
Kelly stays put and watches until Matt and Benny drive away, turning to go back in he finds Boden waiting for him by the rigs. “Everything alright, Chief?”
“What I was about to ask you. I didn’t know Benny was in town. How’s that going?”
“It’s good. Great actually, Benny’s been cooking, asking questions, supportive. It’s uh – it’s pissing me off in a weird way. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop with Benny. You know what he’s like.”
“Yeah, yeah I do.” Boden chuckles. “If you need to get him out the way, just give me a call, I’ll drag him out for a few beers or something.”
“I appreciate that, Chief.” Kelly laughs, clapping Boden on the arm as he moves to go back inside.
“Kelly.” Boden catches his attention, using his first name making this feel more serious. “Matt, how’s he really doing?”
“He’s doing okay, I think. At least that’s what the docs are saying. His memory is almost back to normal, a few small slips but nothing major. It’s the headaches and dizziness that I’m worried about.”
“That’s good. It’s just when the bells went off, it was – a little concerning.” Matt’s reaction to the bells was just a small reminder of how serious his injury was and how it might be a while before he’s back properly.
“Yeah, I know. Things are just a little ‘louder’ to him right now, I guess. Matt hasn’t really talked much about it yet and I’m trying not to push him.”
“Sounds about right. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The visit to 51 had taken a lot out of Matt and by the time they get back to the apartment he’s exhausted, he’d even fallen asleep in the car like a child. He’s felt like crap for most of today, one frustration after the next taking its toll but seeing Kelly had helped a little. Until now, without his man by his side and the tiredness catching up to him, he just wants to go back to bed. So, that’s what he does, a total lack of energy just one more thing he can’t handle today as he strips down to his boxers and crawls into Kelly’s side of the bed, silently cursing the fact that shift’s last 24 hours and wishing that Kelly were by his side.
Matt’s phone buzzes from the bedside table just as he was about to turn out the lights, reminding him that not only had he left it on charge but he’d also forgotten to text Kelly. Again.
‘You still up?’ Reads Kelly’s text, almost immediately followed by. ‘Can’t stop thinking about how you looked sitting in my chair. Maybe we should get one for home. I got a few ideas how we could use it.’
Well, now Matt’s feeling more awake, getting comfortable on Kelly’s side of the bed and texting back. ‘Mhh, tell me more.’
‘Maybe when I get home.’ All that for nothing? Maybe if Matt keeps it flirty, he’ll get a little more out of Kelly.
‘Tease! I’m gonna hold you to that. This mean you’re finally gonna let me blow you too?’
‘Take a cold shower and get some sleep horny boy.’ Before Matt can come back with something sassy or appeal to Kelly’s dirty mind, another text pops up. ‘See you in the morning, love you baby boy.’
Matt ditches his phone on the bed with a huff and without replying, as Kelly had effectively ended their conversation. Seriously, Kelly won’t even give him a little dirty talk? Rationally, he knows that Kelly will probably be home before he even wakes up but it feels like forever, Kelly feels so far away from him right now and he doesn’t like it.
Kelly really couldn’t have given him a little something to hold him over till morning. It’s not like they’ve never done this before. He knows they’ve done it before, a few weeks before his accident, when Kelly was covering a shift. A low heat perking up inside of Matt, if Kelly won’t give him what he wants, he’ll do it himself. Reaching for his phone again, Matt begins to scroll back through their old texts, knowing he’s found it when the words, ‘That’s my boy. Do it to yourself, imagine it’s me.’ appear on his screen.
His hand slipping under the covers and into his boxers, taking hold of himself as he reads over their old texts. Remembering how it felt that night, the thrill of doing something different, of knowing how Kelly was risking getting caught, again, like in the showers. God, he wishes he remembered that, it sounded so hot when Kelly had told him. Like a dirty dream, day sex at work and in a communal area no less.
Stroking himself from base to tip in steady motions, Matt leans into the memory of what Kelly had told him happened. Both shirtless, kissing each other breathless, touching whatever exposed skin they could. Matt can’t help the groan slipping past his lips or the way his hand speeds up at the mere thought of Kelly manhandling him, holding him up against the wall and taking him apart at the seams. Uh, it’s a guaranteed way to turn him on, every single time and just thinking about it is no exception, getting close to finishing already.
Oh god, he’s never been this horny in his whole life and Kelly – Kelly doesn’t want him anymore, not like that. Matt’s dick softening as the realisation hits him like a freight train. Withdrawing his hand from his boxers as he thinks about how Kelly keeps turning him down and Matt’s just throwing himself at Kelly like some desperate, horny, bitch in heat. Kelly doesn’t want him, how did he not see this earlier. The text, ‘take a cold shower and get some sleep horny boy’ ringing through his head. Kelly doesn’t want him, he keeps telling him but Matt couldn’t hear it until now. Is Kelly just taking care of him until he recovers enough to break up with him? The phone still in his other hand feels like it burns with betrayal, letting out a growl of despair as he throws it across the room, not caring when he hears it hit the wall and drop onto the floor with a crunch of broken glass. He just rolls out of Kelly’s now warm side of the bed and over to his side, cold and empty, curling into a ball and letting sleep drag him into unconsciousness and away from this day.