Chapter Text
He was warm when he woke up, wrapped in the cozy comfort of morning light. He felt heavy but well rested, the way he always did after a good cry. There was a weight around his waist he realized. He turned slowly, trying his hardest not to disturb the sleeping boy behind him.
But he was too late. Jai was shifting around too, a groggy voice groaning into the quiet room as he came back to consciousness. For just a second, his arm squeezed tighter around Pik’s waist before he extracted himself to sit up and stretch his spine.
“Sleep well?” He yawned the question.
“Mmm” Pik mumbled, always slow to rouse. He sat up in bed, eyes squinting in the light and hair a ruffled mess. His eyes felt swollen and he rubbed at them.
“So…” Jai trailed off
“Not now, it’s too early.”
Jai nodded in understanding, lifting a hand to scratch his head in contemplation.
“Breakfast?”
Pik nodded his approval, “I’ll shower.” The plan for the morning was set.
When he entered the kitchen after scrubbing himself free of the remaining emotion from last night it smelled of freshly toasted bread and orange zest. Jai was stationed at the stove scooping fried eggs onto white porcelain plates and humming something Pik didn’t recognize. He spun with the plates in hand and smiled when his eyes found Pik who was taking his seat at the table.
Jai set the plate on the table before him.
“Thank you.” Pik said softly. He didn’t reach for his utensils yet though, he was too busy noting the differences in both of their meals. His toast was cut into triangular quarters where Jai’s wasn’t, his water paired with a steaming cup of minty smelling herbal tea, a side dish of steamed vegetables sat closer to his side of the table. He could feel the tender care put into preparing his meal, and something about it felt off.
He met Jai’s eyes across the table with a knowing look. “Don’t start with all of this, Jai.” He reprimanded.
“What?” Jai questioned with false innocence.
“Don’t treat me differently now that you know.”
“You expect nothing to change?”
“I expect you not to change. I’m still me.” Pik’s voice sounded small.
“Yes, you’re still you. My lovely Pookpik. My best friend.” Jai smiled at him and something about what he’d said stung. “My omega friend.”
Pik sighed and squeezed his eyes shut for a second to find his resolve.
“I was always an omega, Jai.”
“But I didn’t know that before. Now I do.”
“So you’ll treat me kinder out of some twisted idea of moral responsibility. Slice my toast and make me tea, hold the door for me and use scent blockers. Wield polite consideration like a shield to keep me at arms length until your lack of presence goes unnoticed when you finally decide it’s not worth it. That I’m not worth it.” He whispered that last part, a sliver of his own insecurity slipping through the cracks
“Wow. You’ve got me all figured out.” Jai scoffed in sarcasm.
“Well, I’ve had a lot of time to learn your patterns.”
Jai’s hand stopped halfway to his mouth and he slammed his glass back down onto the table, some of it sloshing out and landing on his plate. His toast would be soggy and cold now.
“I’m starting to think we don’t know each other as well as we thought we did.” He grits out.
Pik swallowed hard and sat back in his seat, the sour edge to Jai’s scent and growl in his voice affecting him more than he wanted to admit.
“Why would you say that?” He breathed out, like he was genuinely shocked to hear it. Like this, more than anything else, hurt him.
“Because it’s true! Baby, we’ve both been hiding things from each other. But I don’t want that to break us.” Jai slipped the petname in like he was trying to soften the blow.
“I don’t either.” Pik admitted.
They went silent for a moment, Jai fiddling with his own fingers beneath the table and Pik reaching to take small sips at his tea. He set the mug down gently on the table and cleared his throat.
“I never wanted to hide it from you.” He started and Jai listened intently. “When you approached me those years ago, it was just an assumption I rolled with. I mean what was I supposed to say? ‘Hey I know we just met and you can’t scent me but I’m an omega.’ I mean, that’s not something people ever have to announce. You should’ve been able to scent it on me. Then we got closer, and it was just too late. Like when you’ve spoken to someone every day for weeks and can’t remember their name, but you can’t ask.”
“I would’ve understood. I would never have judged you.”
“Maybe, but we wouldn’t have been friends. Not like we are now. And I needed a friend, Jai. I needed you. I still need you. I saw the way you were with every other omega, the way you let them get close to you but pushed them away when they needed the alpha in you. I thought, maybe if I didn’t need that from you, I could keep you close.” There were slow tears forming in his eyes, blurring the vision of Jai’s sad face in front of him. In a way it was a relief, not to have to look into those broken, regretful eyes.
“But you do need that.” Jai said. A statement, not a question.
Pik shrugged helplessly. It was true. An undeniable biological necessity, something that hurt to go without. He was getting older, more mature. His body was starting to feel the loneliness as deeply as his heart. He needed to be had, to be kept and protected, if only from his own body’s betrayal. He needed to feel safe.
“From me?” Jai asked. It seemed like a genuine question. Like there was no wrong answer.
Pik shrugged again. He didn’t have the words, still too afraid even after everything he’d admitted here that Jai wouldn’t want him.
“Okay.” Jai nodded. “Okay, let’s do it.”
Pik’s eyes widened in surprise and if he was still sipping his tea he’d have spat it out.
“What?”
“I want to do this with you, I want it to be real.”
What did that mean? I want it to be real.
On Jai’s side of things, he’d thought he was masterful in the way he toed the line of their friendship. He didn’t understand really, why that possessive and animalistic side of him constantly ached to claim his best friend. It wasn’t right, he thought, to put his precious Pik in a position he wasn’t made to handle. If Jai ever went too far, if he let the alpha in him take control and gave into those deep seated desires, he could hurt him. That was the last thing he ever wanted.
They had to be just friends, or he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.
So he let himself live in the small moments where he could pretend. Pretend that he wasn’t an alpha, that he didn’t need that equal opposite of soft submission to his dominant instinct. That he didn’t crave more from Pik than what he could offer.
But he had been mistaken, and he’d never been so happy to be wrong. It was like the universe answered a prayer, that the one gap that kept him and Pik apart was closing in. He thought Pik wouldn’t be safe if they were together, that eventually he wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore and he’d push the boy beyond his comfort, but there was truly nowhere safer he could be than in Jai’s arms.
“Let me be your alpha, baby. Let me take care of you.”
Pik looked into his eyes then, searching for any hidden truths. He didn’t find any.
What would that look like, he wondered, to have an alpha of his own? Relationships like these always move very quickly, alpha meets omega and in a matter of weeks they are marked and bound to each other forever. But Pik and Jai had known each other for years now. If they did this, they’d have to rewrite the meaning behind their closeness, ascribe a new dynamic or else they’d just fall into the same ‘more than friends, less than lovers’ situation they'd found themselves in.
They’d have sex, Pik suddenly considered and he felt something in him heat at the idea. He and Jai would reach a point of no return. If he said no now, there was still room to salvage the friendship they have, but if he said yes and they took things as far as he wanted to take them, there was no going back. It was either be bound for life, or lose him forever. If he said yes.
Still, even with all the risk, with every alarm going off in his mind, he couldn’t say no. He wanted to finally free himself from the restraint of pretending not to need him. He wanted Jai to look at him as an alpha, and see something he wanted to keep. He wanted to peel the layers between them away until he could feel Jai everywhere. He wanted to say yes.
So he did.
“Yes.”
It has been two weeks since that day. They’d fallen into a sort of lull, still emotionally raw from how much had been revealed and how close they’d been to losing each other. They took comfort in each other, barely spent a moment apart anymore. It was nice, this isolated sort of blissful peace. No outside world, just them tucked away in their safe corner of it.
Jai was lounging on top of the comforter and waiting for Pik to finish his shower before bed. When the bathroom door swung open Pik didn’t exit it, just went about his routine now with a direct line of sight. He wouldn’t admit that even that small distance was too much for him and that he simply wanted to be able to see Jai as he brushed his teeth.
Jai was watching him silently, studying his routine like he wanted to write it down. Pik swished water around in puffed up cheeks a few times to rinse his mouth, but on the last sip he held it, reaching to pull the mirror cabinet on the wall open and grabbing a bottle of rattling pills. He uncapped it, shook a single capsule into his hand, then tossed it back with a swallow. He placed the bottle back and closed the cabinet, reaching for a moisturizer on the counter and pumping some into his palms before rubbing it into his arms, his neck, his hands. So that’s why he’s always so soft, Jai thought.
Before he flicked off the light he grabbed his hairdryer off the counter and walked to stand before Jai, holding it out in offering.
“Dry my hair?” He asked with a smile, and Jai grinned before patting rapidly at the mattress in front of him.
They didn’t speak much as he worked, but Jai could tell by the strong purring coming from Pik that the boy was loving this. The way Jai’s hands ran through his hair as the warm air blew onto his scalp.
The room felt starkly quiet when the dryer was finally flicked off. Pik rested his head on Jai’s thigh and looked up at him, Jai’s hand cupping his cheek and smiling down at him.
“What was that pill, baby?” He asked
“Supressants.” Pik responded.
“Supressants? What do you need those for?”
Pik straightened and turned to look Jai in the eye. “For my heat, Jai.”
He saw a flicker of surprise cross over the alpha’s face. He didn’t know why, Jai knew he was an omega now, but perhaps he hadn’t taken all that meant into consideration.
“How have I never noticed that?” Jai sounded exasperated, more at himself than anything.
“You’re usually a bit preoccupied with your own heartbreak when you show up here at night. Or drunk.” Pik teased.
“God, I’m such a jerk.”
“Hmm, my jerk.”
Jai shifted forward on the bed until their criss crossed legs were touching at the knees. His smile was bright in response to Pik’s words and if he had a tail it would be wagging at his back. He let his palms rest on Pik’s thighs.
But it wasn’t enough, wasn't close enough. Pik, feeling suddenly brazen, lifted himself up onto his knees. Jai’s hands slid off as he shuffled forward until he was straddling Jai’s lap, hovering above him.
“I still have needs, Jai. Whether you noticed them before or not.” He whispered low, something in his voice wavering when the alpha’s hands settled on his hips. They were so warm, the heat of them seeping through his shirt and sending shivers up his spine. Then he doubled the heat and squeezed, using his grip to pull Pik even closer so their fronts were pressed together.
“Yeah? What kind of needs?” Jai’s voice took on a rough edge, practically a growl that rubbles against Pik’s chest.
“To be held. To be filled.” Pik said, and it was in such contrast to his usual restraint Jai forgot how to breathe for a second. He searched Pik’s face for any sign of hesitance but he found only a hazy gleam of desire in his eyes.
He let one of his hands come to cup Pik’s jaw, thumb stroking over the high point of his cheek, and pulled him in until their lips pressed together. It was slow at first, soft and savoring. Like blowing on a steaming spoon when you’re starving, careful but so, so desperate. Pik’s mouth was warm and tasted of minty toothpaste. Jai could feel his jaw working beneath his palm as he pried the omega’s mouth open with his tongue.
Pik gasped when he felt the velvet heat of Jai’s tongue tangle with his own. He was soft but insistent, leaving no room to question who was leading right now. Jai used the grip on Pik’s hips to pull him down to settle into his lap and at the same time he rolled his own hips upward, grinding a straining erection between the heat of Pik’s thighs. They groaned in unison, Pik practically going limp at the heady sensation of it.
“Yeah, that’s good baby.” Jai growled into Pik’s mouth, hips continuing to thrust upward in a frantic rutting. His cock was pressing hard against the restraint of his pants and right against the most sensitive parts of Pik. Pik broke their kiss to catch his breath and look down at where they connected.
Jai was soaked, Pik’s slickening center forming a dark patch in the light grey of his sweats. An embarrassed gasp escaped the culprit’s lips and his face flushed even deeper.
“Oh god, I'm so sorry.” He tried to scramble free of Jai’s hold but the alpha hold wouldn’t give.
“Why? You don’t need to be.” Jai soothed, pushing Pik’s face into the joint of his neck.
His head went fuzzy as his senses were filled by the honeyed scent of citrus. He felt his muscles relax and struggled to even move his jaw to mumble into Jai’s shoulder.
“I ruined our pants.” he said, and Jai shivered at the vibration pressed directly to his scent gland.
“Then we should take them off, hmm?”
He felt Pik nod against him and shifted forward to lay him out on the bed. He made quick work of his own pants, practically prying them off his skin where slick had made them stick. When he pulled his underwear down and moved to toss them absentmindedly across the room he froze. There was something there, in the air layered beneath his own thick scent. Something light and fresh, like morning dew and vanilla bergamot. He clutched his boxers in a tight fist and brought them to his face inhaling deeply.
There. That was the source. It was barely there, fading fast and Jai couldn’t get enough. He sniffed harder, trying to chase the scent but losing it. Something in him snapped. He needed more.
Pik was still lazing on the bed, eyes glassy but quickly clearing the longer he went without Jai’s touch. Jai leaped for him, scrambling on top of the sheets and burying his face in the still wet crotch of his pants.
“J-Jai! Ugh, what are you doing?” Pik stuttered out, but Jai hardly heard him. He was too focused on huffing in as much of that addicting scent as he could. When Pik’s hands tried to shove his head away he gripped them tightly and pressed them into the bed.
“So good, baby. You smell so good.” He groaned against Pik’s lap and the boy whimpered as he felt Jai’s lips brushing against his sensitive erection.
“I don’t-hah-what?” Pik was struggling to focus on this insane revelation.
But Jai was still too preoccupied to respond. He was clawing at Pik’s pants now, completely lost to his animalistic desire as he desperately yanked at the fabric and freed Pik’s legs of their restraint. His warm hands ran up and down the length of bare skin until he could grip his thighs and pry them apart. He settled there between them, curling his arms and forcing Pik’s legs onto his shoulders.
He was mouthing around the outline of Pik’s length now, catching a taste of the slick that soiled his underwear and burying his face deeper.
Pik was writhing on the bed, rolling his hips now to meet Jai’s insistent nuzzling and losing himself to the feeling. His chest was rising rapidly with uneven breaths that caught in his throat when Jai’s tongue laved over his length through the fabric. Something was tightening in his core, like a rubber band being stretched, and stretched, and stretched.
Then it snapped, Pik’s body bowing off the bed as he came, hot spend shooting from him and slick pouring from his entrance at the same time. It was humiliating, to come in his underwear like some virginal teen at just a bit of intent nuzzling, but it was also so freeing. A release he’d been desperate for.
Jai came up for air then, face rubbed red and glistening even now with slick as he looked up at Pik. The alpha’s expression was heralding and Pik couldn’t recognize the look in his eyes. He was beginning to come down from the high of his orgasm now, vision clearing enough to clock the sharp edge and clenched jaw of Jai’s face. He tried to sit up but Jai’s strong grip was still pressing him into the mattress. He struggled further but was met with a growl.
“Stay.”
The word ricocheted through him like lightning, every nerve ending on high alert. Suddenly his entire body was locked. He couldn’t move, the alpha’s command was like a heavy weight covering his entire being. He tried to curl his toes, tried to clench his fist, tried to do anything but lay here completely vulnerable.
Pik was getting nervous, his heart rate spiking and breaths growing rapid once more. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Jai, it was just that he obviously wasn’t himself right now. There was something teetering on dangerous in the way his scent turned burning and bitter like a spritz of orange on an old fashioned. Pik was drowning in it, overwhelmed and alarmingly out of control, something that Jai would be aware of if he could scent him.
This was exactly what they’d both feared.
The way of things, of an alpha and omega’s bond, relied so heavily on those unspoken signals. It was a push and pull, both person’s pheromones meant to ground the others when they swung too far to either side of the pendulum. But Pik didn’t have a scent, or rather, not in the traditional way it seemed.
“Jai,” Pik spoke, voice shaky as he fought the sludge of his muddled mind, “Jai, stop.”
He didn’t, only gripped the meat of Pik’s thighs tighter.
“Alpha. Please.” a begging edge tainted Pik’s voice.
And that did it. Jai froze where he was for just a moment before lifting his entire body off of Pik. He practically hurled himself across the room, backing up with slowly widening eyes until he hit the wall. He wasn't looking at Pik’s trembling form on the bed, he wasn't looking at anything in particular. Jai shook his head back and forth, lifting his hands to stare through them like they were covered in blood.
Pik watched from the bed, sat up now he was free from the weight of Jai’s body and command. He yanked the blankets closer, fisted the soft cushion like a life line.
“Jaijai…” He started hesitantly, like approaching a feral dog. Jai’s eyes snapped towards him and his face crumpled.
“No,” He shook his head, “No no no. This is exactly what I was afraid of.” He was falling apart, voice cracking and pulse jumping in his throat.
“Jai, it’s okay-”
“It’s not okay, baby! This is why I stayed away, god I should’ve stayed away. You can’t handle it. You aren’t ready.”
“We can talk about this. Come here.” Pik patted the bed next to him.
Jai seemed to contemplate it for a moment, eyes intent of where the omega’s hand still rested on the sheet. He shook his head again.
“I have to go.” Jai suddenly could move again. He surged forward and snatched his pants from the ground, yanking them up each leg as he made his way to the door.
“Jai! Don’t go, we shouldn’t leave it like this. I’m fine.” Pik jumped off the bed to follow Jai as he thundered down the hall, scrambling to free his tangled limbs from the comforter twisted around him. He called out after him, panic brewing as Jai’s scent grew fainter and fainter. He finally rounded the corner just in time to watch the door slam behind Jai’s rushing form.
He sunk to the floor right there, lip trembling as he fought off warranted tears. Here he was, cold and alone in his apartment, crying over an alpha who’d left him. Again. But this time it was different. It hurt so much more. Because he’d just given Jai something he’d never given anyone, and Jai had proved all his fears correct when he bailed.
Pik wasn’t worth it.