Chapter Text
Phantoms.
Nightmares.
Memories.
The dead.
That’s all Viktor sees after collapsing in the stream.
His own personal hell.
***
Agony is what he feels. For the first time since waking up on the mountain, his body is in agony.
The pain hits Viktor at once.
Crushes him.
Leaves him shaking and stuttering in its wake.
***
Sometimes Viktor argues with the phantoms. Hisses and yells at them as they torture help(?) him.
Sometimes he says nothing. Cries and weeps. Allows them to do whatever it is they’re doing to him.
Poke him.
Prod him.
Force shimmer down his throat.
Isn’t shimmer injected?
***
There’s a hole in his head.
It burns.
***
He’s on fire. Burning from the inside out.
He sees his mother. He hasn’t thought about her in years.
This must be hell, Viktor thinks.
***
After a long time, the burning stops.
He’s cold the next day. Freezing in fact.
A soft voice is talking to him.
It’s not his mother.
Jayce?
***
He’s in a bed. Why it has taken him this long to process that he doesn’t know.
Viktor also doesn’t remember why there’s a hole in his head. But it’s there, and he thinks that’s why he’s feeling all confused.
Wasn’t there an explosion?
A bomb?
The Hexgates . . .
***
Jayce’s ghost?
Someone.
Something.
Viktor doesn’t know what. But he is being cared for. That much he figures out.
Is he safe?
***
That soft voice keeps talking to him.
He thinks the owner of it is the same thing that holds him whenever he panics.
He’s still not sure what is going on anymore. Everything is shadowy. Blurry. Constantly shifting.
One minute he sees his deceased followers. Still as statues. Watching him. Judging him.
The next minute he sees familiar faces. Cait. Mel. Heimerdinger. Sky. Their faces twist and turn in disgust. They scream and howl at him. Remind him of what he’s down.
He sees the doctor with a vial of shimmer.
He sees Vander, chained up. Connected to tubes. Asking why he couldn’t be saved.
Sometimes it’s Rio he sees. Shoved into a tube. The poor creature cries in agony as blood is harvested.
He sees Jayce with the hammer. Anger in his eyes. No words. Viktor cowers when the hammer starts glowing. Sometimes, he’s shot again. Sometimes, nothing happens.
Then there’s that voice.
When he hears that voice. Feels that touch. It’s an instinct. A habit. His body knows it. Knows that voice. Knows the hands that are on his shoulders. Knows the warmth that emanates from them.
But he still can’t find a name for it.
“Viktor? Do you hear me?”
Hear who?
“Viktor please, it’s me. It’s your Ja********”
Static. White noise.
Jayce?
Jayce is dead. He saw his corpse. And Viktor crumbles again. He lets the warm thing embrace him as he cries.
Whatever that is, it’s keeping him safe. That much he knows now.
****
Truly, he must be going mad.
Viktor keeps seeing glimpses of Jayce’s ghost.
Isn’t he mad already?
He sees the ghost beside him.
Talking to him.
Even feeding him.
Soothing him as his wounds are cleaned and wrapped with fresh bandages and-
Wait. When he did receive first aid?
Where did any of that come from?
Is this real?
It’s comforting, but it hurts at the same time.
Nothing more than a phantom to torment him. Remind him of his sins.
Why does the ghost look so real?
***
Sometimes he talks to the ghost.
Makes jokes about how odd it is for something his mind has surely made up.
The world hurts and he needs to laugh about something.
Why does the ghost look so sad?
It’s absurd.
Truly absurd.
As absurd as the hole in his head that somehow hasn’t killed him yet.
****
“Viktor . . . please . . .”
That voice . . . it’s crying again.
Why is it crying?
Who is crying?
*******?????
Ja****?
Jayce?
Jayce is dead.
And yet, Viktor is doubting himself. Is he sure Jayce is dead?
He can’t physically carry Jayce. Carrying his corpse would have been impossible.
What if the corpse wasn’t real?
Was any of this real?
****
He sleeps more.
He feels less pain.
He feels his body healing.
He feels . . . alive?
***
There’s a hole in his head.
But Viktor’s not thinking about that now.
Viktor is thinking about how he feels warm and comfortable for the first time in a long time.
As if he’s lying on a fluffy cloud.
However, as Viktor comes to, he remembers it’s a bed.
A soft, warm, cozy bed that someone has put him in. And he’s waking up for the first time in a long, long time.
Sun is beaming onto his face. And he feels it. Really feels it because his worn-out mind is rebooting after a long sleep.
Pieces are back in place. The gears are turning. Neurons are firing away.
The fog that has permeated his mind for so long has finally lifted.
He’s better. Clearer. More level.
More himself.
His senses are sharper, too.
There’s a linen cloth over the hole in his head. How long has that been there?
The cottage he’s in is new to him. Or has he been here this entire time too? How much time has even passed? He tries and he tries, but he struggles to remember.
Images flash.
Images of . . .
On instinct, he turns his head and finds Jayce Talis dozing off in a chair at his side. Because where else would he be but . . .
Wait.
Jayce.
Jayce is alive and well.
What the fuck?
This is a joke, right?
Jayce hadn’t been a ghost after all?
There was never a corpse?
The hole in his head prickles.
How much of the past few (Viktor has no idea how long it has been) was real?
He remembers being awake at times. Yet he also feels as if he had been asleep. Awake and asleep at once.
He remembers walking for a long time down a mountain. That he injured his ankle. That he kept going until his body gave out beside a stream.
He knows there’s a hole in his head.
But what of everything else he saw and heard?
“Jayce . . .?” He chokes out, feeling at a loss for words. The man’s eyes bolt open immediately.
“Vi-Viktor?” Jayce looks shocked. Flabbergasted.
But it’s him. Or if not, then a damn good imitation. He prays it is not another phantom.
“Are you real?” Is all Viktor can think to say. Jayce grins, and Viktor notices a glistening in his eyes.
Was Jayce about to cry?
That is . . . certainly a Jayce thing.
“Yeah, I’m real.” He nods his head. Viktor feels his heart leap from his chest as he tries to reach for Jayce. He doesn’t have to, though, as Jayce is quick to sit on the mattress’s edge and pull him into a tender embrace.
The dam breaks. Emotions overflow. His tears soak Jayce’s shirt. But Viktor doesn’t care.
Jayce is alive.
He’s alive and holding him now, and that’s all Viktor can process.
“Shhh . . . I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
“You’re not a corpse.” Viktor sobs, forever grateful he will never have to look at that thing again.
“No, no, I’m not. I’m alive. I’m here. And I won’t leave you again. I promise.”
“Jayce . . .” His heart swells.
The feeling is mutual for Jayce as he holds Viktor.
Viktor, who for the first time in a month, has finally addressed him by name. Recognize him. Know who he is. Not called him a ghost. His eye is bright. Clear. Alert.
Viktor is here in full.
Jayce buries his head into the crook of Viktor’s neck, inhaling him. Taking him in. Viktor quivers as sobs wrack his body. But they’re nothing like the ones he’s seen for the past month.
No, they are not cries of grief and horror. They are cries of relief and happiness.
They are together at last, and Jayce cannot ask for any more than this.
***
The days are better now.
Viktor still needs care, but it’s easier with him being sane. Not the mad-man Jayce had been dealing with.
“Jayce, I think it needs to be chopped off.” Viktor says as Jayce examines his ankle. Wincing when his finger grazes it.
“You just need to stay off your feet a bit longer. Trust me, I have experience with making splints. What I don’t know is how the bone’s gonna set. It was pretty fucked up when I found you.” He says as he gently rewraps the stint around it. Viktor’s feet still have a ways to go, but they are leagues better than when he found him.
If anything, Jayce is surprised they didn’t succumb to sepsis. But he thinks whatever kept Viktor from dying when his head was blasted open also kept his body from falling apart when he wandered around in the wilderness.
He had been in horrendous shape, yes. But a human being would have died from the hell Viktor endured. Starvation. Dehydration. Madness. No protection for his body at all in a hostile environment.
For two weeks, nonetheless!
Sure, Jayce may have gone crazy in a pit for months. But he still had to sense to eat. To drink. To stay off his leg until it was better.
Viktor did none of those things. A move that should have killed him in days.
But if the hole in his head indicates anything, it’s that Viktor only looks human.
He’s clearly more than that.
Always has been.
“How did you find me?” Viktor asks. The past seven weeks are a blur. If not downright nightmarish for him.
He remembers collapsing against what he thought was the Herald (turns out that was Jayce).
After that, everything is a hazy mess. Memories and phantoms from long ago. Nightmares. Dreams. They swirl together, making little sense.
Jayce told him that he had been hallucinating and yelling nonsense for past month, much to Viktor’s embarrassment and horror.
The things he said to Jayce throughout his delirium.
Viktor can’t fathom the toll that must have taken on his partner. It’s evident in the way Jayce looks at him now. The way he handles him like he’s a fragile doll, about to crumble and shatter at any moment.
Viktor doesn’t think he is.
But Viktor also doesn’t remember a lot of things from his madness.
Therefore, who can blame him?
“I heard you screaming by the stream. You were punching a rock. That’s how you busted up your hand.”
Viktor’s jaw drops upon the revelation.
Him?
Screaming and punching a rock?
Just how far gone had he been?
No wonder Jayce looks so worn out.
“I was punching a . . . oh god . . .”
Alarm bells go off in Jayce’s head as color drains from Viktor’s face. He worries he’s said the wrong thing.
And Viktor’s going to lose it again.
“Viktor?”
“Sorry, I . . . this is embarrassing, but I thought the rock was you.” Viktor says as he trembles. “Fuck did I carry a rock down the mountain?!”
“What?”
“I-I thought I was carrying your corpse!”
Viktor thought he was . . . shit. No wonder he was going on about corpses, Jayce realizes. He knew whatever Viktor saw in the wild was bad.
He didn’t know it was that bad.
“Viktor . . . oh god Viktor . . .”
“It felt so real. It was so heavy.”
“I think that rock was already there. It was pretty big. I didn’t see anything nearby that you looked like you brought with you.”
“My shoulders . . . my back . . . my body . . .”
“You were wandering down a mountain without any protection. After going through the arcane and having your head blasted open. I think that would have messed up anyone’s sense of perception. And you probably were feeling sore.”
“I feel stupid.”
“You are not stupid.”
But Viktor doesn’t care anymore as he shakes and sobs.
“Viktor. Shhh . . . Viktor. Hey, listen. You came out of that in pretty bad shape. Worse than me. I can’t imagine what you were seeing.” He rests his palms on Viktor’s shivering shoulders. “I also saw stuff.”
“You did?”
“I kept seeing visions of you everywhere. It was like I was being haunted by you.”
“Jayce . . .” Viktor’s heart shatters. His poor, dear Jayce had had been struggling without him. Seeing ghosts at every which way. “You were suffering . . . and then you found me screaming like a banshee.”
“I was just relieved to find you. Even if it wasn’t under the best circumstances.”
“How did you know to stay? To wait for me?”
“Intuition. You followed the smoke didn’t you? Why?”
“Same as you. Intuition.” He laughs as Jayce finishes wrapping up his foot. Who then, to his shock and surprise, lifts up the foot and softly kisses the toes. “Ah! Jayce! Was that really necessary?”
“Did no one ever tell you kissing makes it better?”
“Yes, when I was a small child.” His cheeks flush pink. “Beside, shouldn’t you be kissing somewhere else.”
“Oh?” Jayce smirks, before gently cupping his jaw. Their lips meet, and Viktor decides then that Jayce might have been on to something when he said ‘kissing makes it better’.
Because in that moment he isn’t feeling any pain at all.
Viktor’s on cloud nine. Riding a high he hasn’t felt in ages. And Jayce is right there with him.
***
There’s a hole in head, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
In fact, it feels . . . fine?
***
“Huh . . . everything’s regenerating. Even the bone.” Jayce remarks one day as he examines the head wound.
“Fascinating. May I see?” Viktor asks. A hand mirror is given to him, and Viktor gets a full look at the wound.
There’s a hole in his head.
It’s filled with some kind of white, gooey substance.
Does that mean he’s made of that too?
He’s not sure, given how the rest of his body is.
But Jayce is right.
The hole in his head is shrinking. Pink scar tissue is forming in its place. And bone too, as he notes that more of his skull has come back in.
Far from perfect.
But at this point, Viktor will take any kind of tissue over having a cosmic hole in his head.
“At least it’s not purple.” He remarks as he rubs a finger over the new tissue. “Do you think I’ll get a new eye?”
“Given how it’s coming in, I wouldn’t hold my breath. I’m willing to bet whatever regenerates there will still be damaged.”
“Hmmm . . . well can you fashion me an eye patch when the time comes? I can finally fulfill my childhood dream of being a pirate.”
Jayce laughs as he shakes his head over the suggestion.
“Of course. Anything you want.” He plants his lips on top of Viktor’s head.
“Anything I want? Awfully dangerous of you to offer that, you know.”
“I trust you to be a reasonable man, Viktor. I do have my limits.”
It’s a lie, and they both know it. Viktor’s right in telling Jayce he’s being dangerous. He really would do anything for Viktor.
Regardless if Viktor asks or not.
***
He helps Viktor take short walks around their new home. Letting Viktor lean on his arm while he balances on the good leg. The weak ankle wobbles with each step.
“There we go. Almost there.”
“I think my feet are still lacking the ability to bear any weight on them for the moment.” Viktor grumbles as he clings onto Jayce. He’s holding a cane Jayce had made for him. But he feels it’s not helping much in the moment.
His feet hurt and his legs are trembling. His ankle is still healing, so he limps more than walks.
“And that’s why you gotta practice.” Jayce says as he helps him sit on the porch outside. He wastes no time in lifting up Viktor’s better leg and yanking the slipper off. Jayce then presses his thumbs into the soles of the foot. Massaging and stretching it gently.
“I suppose you have a point. But this is torture!”
“I promise I will carry you back in. In the mean time, shall we enjoy being out in the sun together?”
Viktor gasps when Jayce rubs over a particularly tender ligament,
“Ah! Mmmm . . .”
“Sorry, was that too much pressure?”
“No, no it was perfect. Please continue.”
He watches Jayce resume massaging his foot.
This man, who’s been so terribly patient with him despite everything. It makes his heart feel full.
And Viktor smiles.
***
There’s a hole in Viktor’s head.
But he’s been thinking about that less lately. He’s more interested in creating a garden. They need something besides whatever Jayce can find foraging.
Something sustainable.
He mentions it to Jayce whilst his hand is being examined. The bashed-up one that’s still tender to touch.
Jayce sketches out blueprints for a plot that afternoon. The next day he starts digging. Clearing away the weeds and using rocks from the stream to outline the designated spot.
Viktor is in no physical shape to help. But he sits on a rocking chair on the porch, wrapped all cozy in a blanket.
They banter.
What vegetables and fruits might grow (Jayce wants to try for blueberries, Viktor thinks they should try cucumbers first).
When they should search for a town to barter with (they both agree not until Viktor can walk better).
Where in Runeterra they are (Jayce thinks they are in the far north, Viktor thinks they are in the far east).
If Viktor can/should do magic (Viktor thinks he can, he doesn’t want to and Jayce isn’t going to pressure him into it).
What to eat for dinner that night (they are both tired of fish, but neither are good at hunting).
The air is lighter. Filled with nostalgia. And for a moment, all feels as if it were before.
They’re back in the lab, going over designs.
Staying up all night as they assemble their latest invention to the council.
A simpler time. A time they both yearn for.
Jayce knows they can never go back.
But at least he no longer feels scared of going forward.
Life is finally feeling normal again.
***
They’re more intimate then they’ve ever been with each other.
More attached.
More vulnerable.
They cannot stand being apart from the other for too long now.
A scar from all the trauma they’ve endured.
Naturally, they do nearly everything together. Cooking. Cleaning. Renovations.
They know it’s a bit unhealthy. To be this codependent on each other. They’ll need to work on being able to function independently eventually.
But right now, they need it.
They need each other to heal.
To love.
They won’t part from each other again.
***
Jayce has taken to bathing Viktor, even though he can do it himself.
There’s something about the action they both find soothing. Healing after the time spent apart. And the time Viktor wasn’t himself.
He holds Viktor in his arms. Massages his sore body. Tells him how beautiful he is.
And Viktor consumes the attention Jayce lavishes on him.
Unravels underneath his touch.
Goes limp as his muscles relax.
Buries his head into his chest and nuzzles into his neck.
Jayce feels privileged to see Viktor like this.
All soft and warm. A side he rarely shows.
He runs a finger down Viktor’s spine, feeling the metal implants that remained. Viktor shivers. Tells him it feels good as he snuggles up against him more.
He lazily traces the bumps. Brushes Viktor’s ears with his fingertips. A happy contented sigh escapes from Viktor’s mouth.
It makes Jayce’s heart flutter.
***
In the bedroom it’s the opposite.
Jayce didn’t think Viktor was feeling up for physical intimacy. Boy was he wrong.
There, intertwined in the sheets, Viktor is in control.
Striking.
Confident.
Awe-inspiring.
Stirring a fire in his belly unlike anything Jayce has ever felt before.
Making him melt beneath Viktor’s touch.
Moaning as Viktor leaves a trail of firey kisses down his body until they reach their intended target.
Gasping when he feels Viktor inside him, stirring him up with each thrust.
He sees stars when he climaxes.
When he comes down from the high of the orgasm, he holds Viktor tight against his breast.
They’re both slick with sweat. Panting. Tired. A little sore in certain areas.
Yet Jayce feels he’s never been more alive.
Nor seen anything more beautiful as Viktor, all red-faced from exertion. The smaller man lifts his head up to look at him.
And then Viktor leans over and Jayce cradles the back of his head as their lips meet.
He could kiss Viktor a thousand times like this.
He probably will.
That thought makes him smile.
***
Whatever Viktor wants, Viktor gets. And Jayce is more than happy to do so.
***
Their nights are spent entangled together. But they’re not always making love.
Sometimes he’ll lay his head on Viktor’s lap. Lose himself as Viktor runs his fingers through his hair. Bask in his presence.
Other times it’s Viktor laying on his chest. Listening to his heart beat. Because Viktor needs to know he’s alive.
Because Viktor sometimes doesn’t believe he’s real.
But some nights are difficult.
Some nights Viktor wakes up and sees the corpse. Sees the mountain. Sees the Herald. Sees everyone who died.
Jayce is always quick to rouse. Hold him until the shakes stop.
“Shhh . . . It’s not real. None of that is real. But this is. I’m real. I’m real and I’m here with you.” Jayce says into Viktor’s ears. Arms wrapped tightly around him while he shivers.
“Jayce . . .” Viktor cries as he presses against Jayce’s rib cage. Plants his ear firmly above his heart and listens. Listens for the rhythm. For the soft thumping of Jayce’s heart.
Only then does he drift back off to sleep.
Jayce has his fair share of nightmares too.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He wails into Viktor’s arms. “I didn’t want to do it.”
“Shhhhh . . . It’s alright Jayce. I’m here. I’m here with you now and I forgive you.” Viktor says as he runs his fingers through Jayce’s hair. Squeezes him tightly. Does his best to reassure him that he’s not a phantom his poor mind has conjured up.
Viktor hates seeing Jayce like this. It tears at his heart. Makes it ache with each whimper and cry.
He can scarcely fathom what it is like for Jayce when the positions are reversed.
***
There was a hole in Viktor’s head.
It drove him insane.
Made him feel dead.
But now, he feels alive.
***
Bruises disappear.
Bones heal.
However, Jayce was right about his ankle being fucked. It wobbles when he puts too much pressure on it. Stings and protests with sharp pains.
Good thing Viktor’s used to canes.
Scars form over his knuckles.
His weight gets back to a healthier range.
And at last, one day . . . .
The hole in his head is gone.
Where the hole used to be, there’s bone and pink scar tissue. Replicating the human body quite well.
Mostly.
“Do you still want the eye patch?” Jayce jokes.
There’s an eyeball there for sure, but it doesn’t function. He’s been left blind in that eye. The iris a faded silvery color. Contrasting his normal, amber eye.
“Hmm . . . it’s not bad as is. What do you think?”
“I think you look perfect.”
Jayce suggests making dinner special that night.
“To celebrate that hole in your head being gone.” He says with enthusiasm as he nets a fish.
They light a bonfire outside. Skewer the fish and vegetables. Grill them over the open flames. Above them the stars shine clearly. Almost as bright as the full moon as it peaks over the horizon.
Viktor sits beside Jayce. Leans his head against his shoulder as he nibbles on a fish skewer. Engulfing them both is Viktor’s blue blanket, stitched back together by Jayce at Viktor’s request.
“They’re marvelous out here. Truly splendid.” Viktor remarks as he loops up at the night sky. “We never had views like this in Zaun.”
“Really?”
“All the smog.”
“Yeah. Piltover had light pollution issues.” But as marvelous as the starts and moon are, they pale in comparison to Viktor. They illuminate him, elevating his beauty to a new level as the moonlight makes his skin glow.
Or maybe it’s the fire itself that is doing that as the warm flames lick his skin. Or maybe it’s because Viktor’s body has finally healed.
Regardless, Jayce can’t help but feel he is the luckiest man alive.
“Everything alright?” Viktor asks, snapping him back to the present.
“I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
He leans over and plants a kiss on Viktor’s forehead. “How much I love you.”
Viktor feels blood rush to his cheeks in the moment. Yes, Jayce had told him hundreds of times now how he felt about Viktor. He still feels surprised to this moment.
To him, Jayce was utter perfection.
A god among men.
To hear this god tell him he’s the most beautiful thing on the planet . . . Well . . . Viktor can’t help but turn pink every time he hears it.
He snuggles a little closer to Jayce. Soaks up the warmth that emanates from him. Watches the flames as they dance about.
“And I could say the same, Jayce. I love you too.” He says as he tightly grips Jayce’s hand.
Viktor smiles.
There was a hole in his head.
Now it is gone.
Smoke rises into the air.
The stars shine.
Moonlight illuminates the forest. Adding a silver touch to the trees and water.
Life is moving forward.
And in this corner of the world Jayce and Viktor have decided to call ‘home’, everything feels a little brighter.