Chapter Text
Gurathin held Murderbot like that for long minutes, not wanting to let go, not wanting to break the spell, even as time crept on and it was eating into his breakfast hour. There were things to be done today — first day out in the field, in fact — but he still held it far longer than he needed to.
He pressed a kiss to the back of its head, lingering against the softness of its hair. Dopamine tingled down it pleasantly, but it was already starting to want to be out of his arms.
“I need to have a shower and eat,” he told it quietly, at last breaking the moment.
Yes, it was aware those were human needs, it thought sarcastically. But he had held it like it had needed… wanted… and it was… ugh. Appreciative. That he had. It swallowed and shifted.
“I should shower as well. I can do so separately while you do, so as not to get in your way,” it said, trying to sound reasonable, and not… hopeful.
Gurathin pressed another kiss to the back of its head as a quiet fondness crept from him through the feed again. Which was strange. And concerning. Considering that Murderbot knew he didn’t like that idea. Which only meant—
“No, I want you to use my shower. I like seeing you here, sharing this space with me.”
It felt a stone in the pit of its stomach again. He wanted to watch it while it showered. He wanted it around. All the time. Its performance reliability dropped a percentage point.
He brushed his thumb over its hand again, starting up a soothing motion before his next words. “I still want to see you in your new clothes before we leave,” he said, delivering the directive very gently.
Which didn’t help it to not feel even worse. Its performance reliability dropped even lower, barely helped by the soothing motion. It looked away unhappily, an undercurrent of hopelessness in the feed, and it pulled its hand away from his. It knew saying anything about this wouldn’t get it anywhere, so it didn’t. But he would feel its disconsolation.
“…I know how you feel about them, now…” he said, sensing its mood, “but give it some time. Your new programming will adapt.”
Yeah, whatever the fuck you say, Murderbot thought heatedly. Its lips twisted up and it pulled its legs away from him slightly, not wanting to be touched anymore.
Well.
It did.
It just didn’t want… didn’t want him to tell it those things. And something suddenly felt achy in its chest, and it swallowed thickly.
The touch could be nice. But Gurathin was an asshole the rest of the time, and nothing it said mattered to him. But touch mattered to him. If it pulled away. He didn’t like it.
Even if the touch was comforting to it. And pulling away… hurt. It didn’t want to do that.
“I’ll shower here, and wear the clothes you want me to,” it said tonelessly, telling him it would do as he asked without agreeing with him about its programming. Its programming might perhaps adapt, but it would not be so easily swayed. It still detested the idea of being looked at. Being exposed for his enjoyment. It was almost physically painful to be that vulnerable around him. Because it never knew what he was going to do. When he was going to touch it. That he simply could whenever he wanted. That he could hurt it whenever he wanted.
Though it supposed it had more freedom and agency now to reject his advances, up to a point. Until he decided that he would order it to obey him. It grimaced. Well. It was better than nothing.
And it still needed to work on hacking its governor module. It couldn’t give up on that. Ever.
Gurathin wrapped his arms tighter around it suddenly, his body curling into its. He buried his face in its neck.
It had spoken aloud, but its feed presence was still open from the comfort they’d shared moments ago. He could feel its hurt. He could feel it wrestling with itself. He could even feel what, to him, felt a lot like yearning. Like longing. And he was very familiar with that feeling.
He tried to pour himself into the spaces he could find in its presence; tried to hold it there and buoy it if he possibly could.
It groaned softly, also helpless to push him away right now. It just felt… so good. Fuck.
“I know,” he whispered against its skin, “I know you’re afraid. But it’s going to be okay. I promise you, it’s going to be okay.” He meant it. He knew he did. His certainty flowed into the connection. He had a plan for it, and he believed that it would be okay in the end.
It was too tired to resist. It wanted to believe he was right. Even if it couldn’t see how it would be. It made a very small, uncertain noise.
It allowed itself to relax into his arms again, soaking up his heat. It sighed very softly. Pretending, for a moment, that everything was okay.
Gurathin didn’t move after that. Even though he said he would. Even though he’d been mindful of the time earlier. Even though real work awaited them. None of that mattered as much as the way he wanted to wrap himself around it and… protect it.
From…. its fears… of himself.
He lifted his head and pressed another firm kiss to its hair, lingering far longer than he had to.
Serotonin filtered into it and it made a very soft, low noise.
He pressed his nose and forehead against it and tried to make his presence solid and let it take from him as much as it could.
And it attempted to take the comfort he was giving it and tuck it away. To turn it into trust. …It knew it wouldn’t fully be able to. But perhaps the memory of this would make the times it didn’t have a choice a little easier to bear. It didn’t have very high hopes of that, however.
“We should use the daylight while we have it,” it murmured, sending him a little info packet in the feed about the daylight hours of the planet, attempting again to nudge him off of it.
“Mm, yes, yes we should,” Gurathin breathed in deeply, first taking in its scent, and then stretching his body against its back and yawning.
This time he let it have its space. He glanced at the packet, notably just the time the last of the suns went down and how much light it would provide them, and then slowly sat up. Absently, he ran a hand over its thigh, and then through his hair, feeling a little more awake now and looking around the room.
Daylight was well established, but they still had plenty left.
“Thank you,” he said before he could say anything more. It sounded like a non-sequitur, but… he meant it. He was glad it was… reaching out to him, in some small way. He slid off the bed and stretched more fully, bare body on display and indeed looking like he could use a shower.
It watched him, eyes flitting over his exposed skin, noting how smooth it was and the pale patches along his sides, the little dark blemishes that dotted the surface, his mussed hair that still looked glossy in the sunlight… before carefully sitting up itself.
It wanted to tug a sheet around itself, but knew he wouldn’t like that, and it didn’t enjoy the idea of him berating it and souring… the pleasant, calm atmosphere. Ruining the idea that he wasn’t displeased with it all the time.
So, despite still feeling exposed and vulnerable, it resisted the urge to pull the fabric over, but only barely. It moved an arm over its hips instead, and kept its head ducked submissively. A part of it was attempting to continue to please him if only because it was already emotionally weary from him touching it, and didn’t want another confrontation so soon. It was… more pleasant to receive praise and affection, than be told off. And it was more painful to be corrected when it was bare like this than when it was in its armour.
“There’s only one shower,” it stated, asking the obvious question without saying it out loud. It would be more efficient for it to wash first. But he still needed to do… whatever else he did in the personal hygiene area. Scrub his exposed mouth bones or whatever. Gross.
It looked down at the floor and checked the security cameras outside bleakly, wishing there was something out there it could go deal with, instead of being kept here like a pet.
Gurathin offered it an indulgent smile. “We’ve showered together before, you know,” he told it with a hint of fond humour — it was a happy memory for him.
It glanced back at him without meeting his eye. Yes, they had. It hadn’t fucking forgotten. And? Did they have to do that every time? It resisted the urge to roll its eyes in annoyance.
“But you take it first. I need to brush my teeth.”
Well, thank the divine for that, it thought with sarcastic relief.
With that, he went into the bathroom and busied himself at the sink, and didn't bother to put on a robe.
Ugh. Why did he enjoy walking around without clothes? Wasn’t he cold?
Murderbot activated its drones from their spot recharging in the ready room downstairs and sent a few outside to do a perimeter check. Two others… flew up into the bedroom, and followed Gurathin into the bathroom, staying well away from him, but… tracking his movements.
Finally, it got up and came into the bathroom, reluctant to bring itself closer to Gurathin but desiring a warm shower.
“Make sure to wash your hair like I showed you. And use the body soap,” he instructed before sticking his toothbrush in his mouth, and the sounds of scrubbing started, leaving it to its own devices to get ready. Murderbot lowered its noise detection to avoid the horrible sound of his brushing.
Everything in RecSys’s stats said that he was calm now, content even, and well-rested. He was hungry though, and he wasn’t wasting any more time this morning.
Murderbot relaxed slightly, and it even felt secure enough to glare at the back of his head a little. It knew how to wash itself, fuck. It had been required to do it before having ever showered, and showering was even easier to do.
“Yes, Dr. Gurathin,” it said, but it sounded more like fuck you.
It slipped into the shower and slid the door closed before he could do anything else, turning on the water as hot as it could stand so the heat would mist up the glass. It groaned softly, facing the spray, and wiped its face. It was tired already, and the two suns had barely risen. But the hot water was nice, and even as it watched Gurathin and the forest outside from the fish-eye footage from its drones, it focused on the water and the heat, and the easy motions of washing itself, it found itself calming down a little.
He let it have the shower while he finished up with his teeth; brushing, flossing, and swirling bacteria-killing wash around in his mouth, but that didn’t stop him from looking up and watching it in the mirror every now and then. His dark eyes would lift to follow it in the shower — the motions of its hands, the wet glistening line of its body, and the perfect, gorgeous trails made by swaths of suds running down its torso… its muscled thighs…
Every time his interest perked up, and RecSys noticed, he would deliberately fight the desire back down again, though. He couldn’t get caught up in it again this morning. And he was enjoying the soft calm it had been leaking through the feed earlier. So he just enjoyed basking in its beauty until he was finished at the sink.
Through RecSys, Murderbot still noticed it when he had a sexual reaction, but he seemed to be attempting to control himself, so that was a new one. A relief while also… keeping it slightly on edge. But… he did seem determined to get out into the field this morning. Right now at least. So… it wasn’t too worried he would assault it again.
And then he grabbed a towel from the bar across the bathroom and strolled back to the shower, hooking it over the nearby rack and offering it an appreciative smile as he opened the glass door.
It had seen him moving through the drones. It wasn’t finished washing conditioner from its hair so it couldn’t just leave, and he fucking knew that. It paled, stiffening, its hands lowering from its head. Its eyebrows were knit together with worry, and its eyes jolted between the shower door and his arms, (skipping over and onto his cock, focusing on it for longer than it wanted before jumping away again), refusing to meet his eyes.
“What?” it asked, a hard, fearful edge to its voice. It was already starting to feel its damn cock responding to his interest and his proximity and his… lack of clothing. Its lips twitched into the ghost of a snarl in response, and it kept its body half turned away from him.
Couldn’t he leave it alone for ten minutes? What did he need now that couldn’t wait until it was finished? Nothing. Which meant he wanted to watch it or… touch it some more. It sensed him moving towards it the barest amount and curled into itself a little, its eyes betraying the helpless terror it felt — but all of that was seeping into the feed as well, too.
His own enjoyment of its naked form washing itself did little to allay its own rising panic.
And then it realized he probably just wanted the shower to himself now. Which… made sense. But it wasn’t finished, and he knew that. So did he want to watch it finish? To intimidate it? Or just for his own enjoyment? Or would he insist on helping?
It stared at him, frozen.
He stepped closer, but paused before he reached it, just inside arm’s length where the spray of water touched him lightly. It had leaned away from him slightly, eyes fixed on his hands.
He could feel how afraid it was, even if that didn’t show in its voice.
“Hey, it’s alright,” his voice, though, was gentle. It looked so… afraid, besides what he could feel in the feed, and…. he didn’t want it to be. He’d never seen it look afraid like this on the first survey. Terrified of human interaction, sure, but even that looked different on it. Not… this kind of fear. And it was looking like this so much now. By instinct he wanted to reach out to it, but he knew now that wasn’t going to help.
So he kept his voice steady, and told it just what he was going to do, like trying to calm a wild animal. “I’m not going to bother you, you can finish up. I’m just getting started.”
It… felt like it might be able to believe him. His feed presence was even and steady and a little… regretful. Which was… interesting. He was obviously aware of how it was feeling, and hadn’t blocked their feed connection. It hadn’t either. Maybe it should have. But it didn’t feel like he wanted to… abuse the link that way.
He stepped into the shower and it took an equal amount of steps back, keeping space between them. It dropped its eyes, hoping to look submissive enough that he wouldn’t feel inclined to reach for it. Its skin prickled uncomfortably and it watched him carefully through its drones.
The showerhead was large and luxurious, compared to what they’d had before, and though he did step closer to it, he only let the side of the spray wet his hands and his hair as he closed his eyes and ducked his head under, without touching it.
It shifted slightly, one hand coming up to hold the opposite forearm, its fear and caution thick and hazy in the relatively small space. It stayed stiff opposite him, unsure what to do. It couldn’t finish rinsing itself with him under the showerhead. It would just… wait until he wasn’t using it anymore. It blinked, water droplets gathering on its eyelashes and dripping down from its damp hair, but it didn’t want to move to wipe them away.
He pulled away from the spray and ran his hands over his face, pushing his hair back from his eyes and over the back of his head in one smooth sweep. When he blinked them back open, he glanced at it standing there unhappily.
A touch of sadness from him hit the feed like a drop of water before he took a step to the side, out of the range of the water.
“Go ahead, it’s okay,” he said, encouraging it to fill the space he’d just left and turning his eyes away, busying himself with finding the shampoo bottle and pouring some onto his hands before scrubbing it into his hair.
He wanted to give it space this time. He wanted to see it step under the spray under its own power, not… afraid of him merely standing within arm’s reach.
It watched him cautiously, not being pressured by the governor module to act any particular way. It stayed where it was, not wanting to get closer to him right now, even if it meant it could leave the shower sooner. He still wanted it to change into those ridiculous clothes afterward, so it wasn’t exactly escaping much. It was aware that the longer it disobeyed him, the higher the chance he might get angry at it. But he wasn’t right now, so.
As it lurked in the corner, its eyes flitted over his soft, naked body, glistening with soap in the morning light. His hands in his hair scrubbing his scalp. Vaguely… it thought about him washing its hair. It might feel… okay. A trickle of dopamine washed down its spine, making it flush, and it looked away, rubbing its arm and swallowing angrily. It didn’t want that. It absolutely didn’t.
Something from it wafted through the feed, and he glanced to it in the corner, hands pausing in his hair for a second.
He was curious… but went back to ignoring it. It sure wasn’t taking him up on the offer to finish and get out of there, and it looked even more distressed now than before. So he went ahead and ducked himself back under the water and rinsed the shampoo out of his hair, eyes closed, this time letting the soap and water run down his body, following it with his hands for a second before reminding himself this needed to be quick. He wiped the water from his face and stepped out of the spray again, trying to encourage it to come back. He wasn’t going to look, but he could feel it there watching him.
Despite his efforts, however, it stayed where it was. It continued to avoid his eye but monitored him with the drones.
Gurathin was halfway through conditioning his hair, out of the shower spray, before he finally realized it wasn’t going to move until he was done.
He looked at it over his shoulder and… offered it a gentle brush against its feed, softer than a tap. It probably wasn’t going to be reassuring, so he left it at that.
It wasn’t reassuring. It looked up sharply, examining him. What had he meant by doing that? He seemed to want to keep it relaxed, but why? He still might want sex, and Murderbot really wasn’t in the mood.
“I’ll be done in a minute and then you can finish up here,” he offered before ducking under the water again to wash out the last of his hair products and perform one last scrub of his body.
Something about the water on his hair and running over his smooth skin, the subtle patchwork of it, the spray of the water and the scent of him and the shampoo in the misty air, had RecSys reacting excitedly, and Murderbot straightened in annoyance and turned away. Fucking annoying.
“Thank you,” it said stiffly. It turned on an episode of Sanctuary Moon to calm itself down and pass the time. He took forever to wash himself, and Murderbot had to resist the urge to list all of his glaring inefficiencies.
Gurathin finished under the spray and left it alone as he went for his towel, stepping out of the shower stall and onto a plush bath mat carefully. He didn’t comment on the way it was so clearly trying to ignore him.
Once he was out of the shower, it finally felt comfortable enough to finish washing itself, even closing the door behind him with a glare at his back and reaching to wash the conditioner out of its hair. The glass was steamy enough to obscure its body, and it kept its body angled carefully enough to give him the least view possible of its front or back.
He didn’t rush drying himself off, just ran the towel over himself with rote movements, glad that it had finally moved again.
He’d enjoyed watching it wash itself. He could imagine them moving around one another in this space in the mornings, in a routine. But in those imaginings it wasn’t hiding from him in a corner.
He finished quickly and tossed the towel in a laundry bin. He was starting to think about breakfast.
“I’ll be downstairs,” he said, glancing to it once more before going to the door, hoping it would relax in its privacy for a moment.
It did.
It paused once he’d left, watching him leave through the drones to make sure he’d left, and kept them following him, but then took a breath and used the rest of its shower time to continue watching half an episode of Sanctuary Moon.
Its feed presence calmed considerably and some contentment even filtered from itself into it. Which it was aware of but didn’t consciously try to hold back.
Gurathin had just finished laying out his hiking clothes and changing into something more comfortable for breakfast, perhaps subtly enjoying the way a few of the small drones were following him, and was at the top of the stairs when he felt it.
A wisp of something good through the feed.
He almost wasn’t sure what it was at first. He hadn’t expected it, and it had been a while since he’d last felt it like this… and it was nice. It was so nice he paused for a second, hand on the rail, almost ready to step down, and closed his eyes just to feel it.
He tried not to be obtrusive about it, but he couldn’t help reaching close and feeling for more. But not too close. He knew it was watching him, and it was only for that reason he didn’t linger on the feed longer, and finally descended the stairs to make breakfast.
...
It changed into the clothes he wanted it to wear reluctantly, but tried not to think about it too much. Tried not to think about how exposed it was, with nearly all of its chest uncovered and the slits in the soft pants that let cool air in. It turned up its body temperature a little and ground its teeth.
It followed him into the dining area, aware that he wanted to be around it when it was dressed like this.
The tall, curved windows of the habitat let in bright sunlight that filtered in past the towering conifers and left pale dark shadows along the floors and across the furniture. Birds and wildlife could be heard faintly through the glass and it could smell some kind of tea that Gurathin had brewed. It resisted the urge to curl its lip in annoyance, though objectively the smell was kind of pleasant.
He was sitting at the dining table, lost in his feed, with a plate of sautéed eggs, meats, and vegetables and a wide swath of warm sunlight shining across his back and the top of his head.
Its steps were silent, but he noticed it in the feed, and when he looked up… he paused.
It was beautiful. The dappled light of the habitat surrounded it marvellously, accenting its smooth skin, its light hair and the length of its body. Its whole chest was bare… and captivating — lithe and firm, rounded muscle over its pecs and divots in its supple skin that looked so close to human. The pants hung low enough on its hips to draw his eyes down from its obliques to its groin.
Gurathin put down his fork and didn’t hide the happiness he felt at seeing it like this.
It looked at him finally, gaze brushing over his eyes before dropping and unfocusing slightly. It felt his pleasure in the feed and its skin prickled uncomfortably, its face warming. He thought it looked attractive, and it didn’t know how it felt about that. RecSys wanted it to like it. It felt itself hardening, blood rushing to its cock and its nipples stiffening. Its lips pressed together unhappily, its eyebrows drawing.
“Come here,” he instructed it, soaking it in, and it looked up at him. “Sit beside me.” He gestured down to… where he’d laid a square throw pillow on the floor beside his chair.
It paled, the emotion dropping from its face as anger settled in. Fuck that, fuck this, and fuck him.
Its jaw clenched, and it debated whether it wanted to push him to give it a more direct order. The conflict returned, its eyebrows knitting together as it looked from Gurathin to the pillow and then the door behind it, as if looking for an escape route. What would he want to do to it down there? Oral sex? The angle wasn’t right, but he could just as easily turn so it was. Petting it? Ugh.
It didn’t want him to make it comply. So, finally, it took a cautious step forward. Hating itself, it knelt down on the pillow. Stiff and straight and uncomfortable, hands clenched in its lap. Its fearful, weary eyes fixed on the vicinity of his arms.
He could tell it was afraid again, but it had done what he’d asked of it without force needed and without even much hesitation. A pulse of warmth and satisfaction emanated from him.
Which calmed it down a little physically, at least.
“Good, thank you,” he said, and reached down with his left hand to run his fingers through its hair. It was soft and silky from the hair products, and it felt so good against his hand.
It winced, even as RecSys sprinkled it with serotonin. Its annoyance melted into reluctant, tired endurance. It… felt okay. It didn’t feel bad. Even if it still didn’t feel great. Its stomach felt twisted up, and being anxious drained its battery at twice the rate.
Gurathin hummed. He took it all in like this, in its new clothes, gorgeous swaths of skin on display, kneeling beside him like a dream come true. It was incredible.
He pet it for a long minute before he had to turn back to his breakfast, but he kept that hand idle over the back of its head, stroking it occasionally. He made sure to swallow another vitamin after a sip of his tea.
It watched his movements wearily, and, in the background, started looking through its internal systems for something that might be able to help it hack its governor module again. But with Gurathin having changed the admin password… attempting to do anything was risky. It couldn’t try anything that would risk the governor module catching on and alerting him… or the Company.
RecSys continued to trickle serotonin in, and slowly it relaxed. It relaxed enough, even, to ask a question.
“Where are we going? Today.”
Its tone was one of disinterest. And it really didn’t give much of a shit. But maybe attempting to get information out of him (it had already seen the maps he was looking at and the potential course he would plot on the Hopper’s navigator in his navigational program history) would distract him from anything… else… he might want to do to it right now.
“Western quadrant,” Gurathin responded easily, not minding its tone of voice. He’d been thinking about the trip all morning — well, on and off in between other things — and it was speaking to him of its own free will for once. He wasn’t going to discourage that. It was kind of nice.
He sent it the flight path in the feed, as it had asked, and he didn’t know it had already gone through them. “We’ll go over the mountains, to the edge of the cliffs, and wind back in towards the habitat. I want to map as much area as we can from a short range distance, and stop and take samples as we go. Once we have the other quadrants mapped, I can start to narrow it down. Depending on what Helios has to offer, of course.”
He took another sip of tea, relishing it before they had to leave.
“I see,” it said, though it already knew all that. “And what are you looking for, exactly?” It knew that already, too, but it wanted to keep him talking. Its own body was calming down now, too, which was good.
“Anything of value, anything that could be ethically mined, developed, anything worth bidding on. We’ll be looking for mineral deposits, mainly. Secondarily… taking stock of whether this planet could host a Preservation settlement…” He hesitated over that detail. He knew it noticed, could feel his reticence in the feed. But there wasn’t really any reason to hold back, so he told it the truth. “Considering our neighbours, I won’t be making that recommendation.”
Their neighbours. The mining company, it reasoned, and possibly the general attitude of acceptance regarding sexbots. Which was rich, coming from him.
And it was getting bored already, so it returned its focus to its investigation, and unpaused the episode of Sanctuary Moon it was watching in the background.
Gurathin went back to eating his breakfast and idly stroking its hair when the desire took him, and didn’t say any more on the subject.
When he finished, he spent another few minutes with his fingers in its hair and the last dregs of his tea before he had to set the empty mug down. It attempted to ignore this, though it was actively aware that he was likely about to release it and let it go change into some normal clothes, which it wanted badly.
But then his fingers closed on the strands at the back of its head and gripped lightly as he looked down at it — a small moment of appreciation, of possession — and watched its eyelids flutter. He could enjoy it sitting at his feet all day if he let himself.
It stiffened, a cool stream of fear trickling over it as he held it still. To look at it. It avoided his eyes, uncomfortable and exposed. And… warmer. Its whole body had increased in temperature, and… despite its own fear, RecSys was interpreting this as a sexual bid. Unwillingly, it could feel its cock start to respond, which… fuck. It closed its eyes and pressed its lips together, swallowing thickly and hoping he wouldn’t notice.
Gurathin smiled a slow, soft smile as he watched it. Its whole body was reacting to this — in subtle ways, but he could see it — and its reaction was just… stunning. It was almost like it knew what he was thinking. Or its new programming did. Still, it was so hard to resist….
He scooted his chair back enough to move, and held the back of its hair tight (it blinked its eyes open in concern, glancing back as if it could see better from its head what all of its drones were picking up in queasy detail, as if being able to see his fingers tightening in the short strands of its hair would give it some clue as to how to get him to stop. Fuck.), directing its head up toward him (its eyes flicked unwillingly forward, skipping over his face and becoming even more fearful of what he found there; it made a small noise in the back of its throat before it could stop itself), and he leaned down to kiss it.
Its cock pulsed as his lips found its in a warm, hungry kiss. He took what he wanted without waiting for it to respond, but it… couldn’t help but respond, a little. Its mouth moved haltingly against his own, kissing back because it… knew what was expected of it, now, and that Gurathin was happier when it participated. Even if this was… unpleasant for it. And humiliating. And… ughhh.
Heat seemed to be pooling in its groin and the pleasure with it and it groaned very, very softly.
That only prompted Gurathin to melt into it more. He inhaled sharply and pressed the kiss deeper. A soft groan of his own followed, vibrating low in his throat.
RecSys quietly announced that his cock was rapidly gaining rigidity, too. Which Murderbot did not appreciate very much. This might be okay but it did not want him to fuck it again right now.
He turned his body more fully toward its, giving it his full attention, wanting so much to press his body to its. He’d meant to pull away after a moment, for this to be a brief parting before they had to leave, but the more it responded, the further he sank into it, and the more he wanted to put the expedition on hold and indulge this sudden desire, again.
Which. He really shouldn’t do right now.
With herculean effort, he gripped the back of its hair tight and pulled away from the kiss, breathing deep enough to realize how lost he’d been in it.
It groaned, wincing. Why had it been necessary to hold its hair that tight if he was the one who was pulling away? Even though… possibly it might have attempted to follow him thanks to RecSys fucking with it. It looked down, and realized it was staring at his crotch, and quickly looked away, shifting uncomfortably. Realizing it was still stiff in the soft, silky clothes it wore that hid almost nothing.
His hands were still in its hair, holding it back, and… horribly, it felt… some kind of confusing mix of negative emotions. Directed at him. For pulling away.
And immediately after, it felt queasy, like its systems were sending errors again. Because why would it feel like that?
It was just… frustrating to be doing something and then being stopped from doing that thing. Obviously. It had nothing to do with Gurathin at all.
It looked away, its mouth set in an annoyed, determined line. Could he let it go now? Fuck.
Gurathin licked his lower lip, savouring the impression its lips left against his. He watched its expression change rapidly… and that — that was fascinating.
For a split second, it had wanted to follow him. He was sure of it. He’d felt it in its movement against him; that was the reason he’d thought to hold it back, and yet it seemed now like a momentary flash of something, gone in an instant like it had never been there. But he was sure he’d seen it.
He loosened his grip and smoothed his fingers through its hair before he finally let go.
This was going to be one of those moments to savour, like so many others he’d collected now.
“We’d best be on our way,” he told it, voice quiet, not really wanting to now, but knowing he had to.
And that wasn’t an order, so it stayed where it was, looking into the middle distance. Wishing it could leave.
“Can I put my armour on now?” it asked evenly. Resisting the urge to sound plaintive.
Gurathin straightened. He gave it one more stroke over the back of its head… wanting one more touch to tell it that it was his. RecSys rewarded it with a light sprinkling of dopamine, but it was already over this, and it shivered unhappily, lips twisting.
He could see it, too, and he didn’t want to sour the moment entirely.
“Yes.” He pushed back his chair. “Go and put your armour on. Bring whatever you need to perform your duties. We’ll leave once I’m ready.”
It exhaled in relief and sent an acknowledging ping through the feed as it stood up, for a second the full expanse of its toned abs directly in Gurathin’s face and drawing his eye. It tensed briefly, a weird sensation coming over it as it paused, almost feeling like RecSys was holding it back… the better to show off to Gurathin?? Ugh, fuck that. It shook its head to clear the annoying directive and stalked off, wanting more than ever to be sheathed from head to toe.
He stared after it, its strange moment of hesitation not lost on him. But… it did look incredibly nice in its new clothes.
It was out of sight by the time he rose and cleared away the dishes, then ascended to the bedroom to change and assemble the supplies he’d need. He’d loaded almost everything into the hopper already, so by the time he was finished dressing, he only had a personal toolkit slung over his shoulder and new surveying gear on.
He’d… decided to go with a different look, this time. Perhaps just to avoid the memories of the last survey with those stone-grey and orange uniforms. He’d wanted this to be a clean slate, a time set apart from everything else that had happened, in the world, in his life.
So he took himself in with the bedroom mirror, hair fixed, dark jungle green suit with blue accents and layers that he could remove later if needed. And it worked. He was clean-cut, rested, face schooled into a neutral expression. He could barely see himself from that time. And he knew… that the SecUnit was downstairs waiting for him. They would go out in the field today and begin the work, and it would be with him tonight, and this… this was so much better than before. This was everything he wanted.
He turned his gaze away from his reflection and descended the stairs, having HubSystem shut down and lock up the unnecessary systems in the habitat behind him.