Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Hisoka had barely slept for crap. 

Said sleeping would be more accurately labelled napping, as he kept tossing and turning restlessly throughout the night. Bathroom breaks to change pads did not help either, his blood flow was heavy when it came to the first two days.

The sound of lively birds had increased as the hours passed. When the light started shining through the windows, Hisoka was quick to attach a string of bungee gum to the curtains and the other end to the wall. With a rough flick of his finger, the curtains closed too far, now with the edge of the window exposed. He had to take a deep breath so he wouldn't beef with an inanimate object before getting up and closing it himself. 

His last nap had been the longest. He didn't remember falling asleep, only opening his eyes a while later due to the commotion in the kitchen. He stared at the ceiling with heavy lids. However long he had slept, it did nothing to brush the drowsiness away.

Normally, Hisoka would've been angry at being woken up when he had finally drifted off, but it was hard finding it in yourself to feel anything in a state of mental and physical exhaustion. 

He had been completely spaced out before the rushing of blood into his pad snapped him out of it. With a tut, Hisoka pushed himself up to a stand, pausing to rub a hand over his head at the sudden headache spike. He dragged himself over to the guest bathroom with barely open eyes, passing by the bright kitchen with the smell of cooked eggs filling his senses. Thankfully, he was unbothered on his journey. 

After replacing his pad and washing his face, Hisoka gave himself one glance at the mirror before stuffing his head in a towel and drying himself off. Any further prolonged inspections of his appearance and he'd lock the doors on himself and spend the day in the bathroom.

He stepped out with a much better vision, this time stopping in front of the open kitchen. Illumi was in the process of setting up their dining table when he turned his attention to Hisoka. "Good morning." He said, moving to fetch the pan on the oven. "I think you can already tell, but I’ve made egg fried rice for breakfast."

Egg fried rice. He didn't remember seeing Illumi cook that before. Hisoka did, however, recall having its recipe written down in his recipe book. It smelled delicious, and he found himself quite ravenous all of the sudden. His heart fluttered at the sight of two plates laid down on the table. Illumi made him a portion.

With Hisoka sat down, Illumi filled the plate in front of him straight from the pan. He took notice of a fresh bleeding cut on Illumi's right thumb. There was no visible blood on the food, but he knew it was in there regardless. Once both plates were filled, the pan was discarded in the sink before Illumi took a seat across of Hisoka and picked up his chopsticks, pausing to fix his eyes on Hisoka, who had not moved an inch. "Tell me if it's lacking anything. I wanted to make something that was easy for you to stomach, so I cut back on some of the instructions in your book."

‘So it is the first time he makes it…’ thought Hisoka. He felt the heat rush to his face as his eyes fell to the plate in front of him. 'He learned something new, without any help… just for me...’ He promptly shook the sappy thoughts away and held up the chopsticks, scooped up a small portion of rice and brought it to his lips. Other than the burn on his tongue from the steaming food, it was quite good. A little flavorless, but he didn’t mind. It seemed the instructions Illumi cut back on were related to the sauces and spices.

“I wanted to make something that was easy for you to stomach.”

No, Hisoka was not going to think about how thoughtful that was. He was going to ignore it and focus on the food.

Hisoka blew on his next bite before eating it, eyes slowly moving to meet Illumi's watching ones. He wasn't eating. He awaited feedback. 

There were many things Hisoka wished to tell him in that moment. "I appreciate your efforts to make me feel better. A hot, fulfilling breakfast absent of overwhelming flavor was exactly what I needed this morning, and you did incredible for a first-time recipe replica all on your own. I'm sorry about how things are currently going, I hope my words hadn't upset you. It felt miserable sleeping without you. I kept on hoping I’d wake up from a bad dream in your arms instead."

"It's nice." said Hisoka curtly. A small smile bloomed on Illumi's face before he finally turned his attention to his plate.

Hisoka cursed himself internally. 

He hoped breakfast would be spent in silence, Hisoka was too exhausted to have any sort of back and forth. Unfortunately, Illumi seemed more interested in bringing up topics that Hisoka was not keen on discussing.

"How are you feeling today?" asked Illumi.

"Like crap." answered Hisoka, shoving another bite in his mouth. 

"Oh." Illumi frowned. "Is there anything I can do to hel--"

"No." 

‘You've already done enough for me..’ thought Hisoka with a mild pout of his own.

The room went quiet for a moment. 

"I'm glad you ate from the udon yesterday." said Illumi as Hisoka chewed leisurely on his food. "And that you're eating today. I was worried you would be skipping meals." 

Hisoka had it in him to exhale in a scoff. ‘If only you held the same concerns for your own well-being.’ It had belatedly hit him yesterday that when Illumi made the soup for him, he hadn't made anything for himself. Hisoka was completely unaware whether Illumi had anything to eat throughout the day. This may had been his first meal since yesterday, despite taking the time to make Hisoka something before bed. 

The thought made his nose visibly wrinkle, and the sour expression stayed on his face for a while because he was nearly finished with the plate when Illumi commented, "What's wrong?"

Hisoka's eyes locked in with Illumi's and he fixed him with a silent stare. Illumi picked up that he was the problem relatively quickly. "What did I do?"

"Did you eat yesterday?" asked Hisoka.

Illumi's lips thinned. Hisoka got his answer. His grip around his chopsticks tightened. "You have the time to make me udon but nothing for yourself?"

The glare Illumi received made sure no stupid excuses like "I can go weeks without food!" would be uttered. When his eyes were averted back to his plate, Hisoka knew he had no answer. The aftertaste of his food felt bitter, suddenly. 

"I was preoccupied yesterday." 

Hisoka's eyes darted back to the man in front of him. "Oh, pray do tell, preoccupied with what?" 

Illumi's utensils scraped the plate before their eyes finally met. "You."

Hisoka's face fell. "What?"

"I was thinking about you." said Illumi, leaning back in his seat. "You seemed to be having a bad day and I got preoccupied thinking about you."

The silence that followed rang loud in Hisoka's ears. He didn't know what was worse, Illumi speaking of food like an afterthought that can be brushed aside or the fact that he was at fault for it. "That's not an excuse." He murmured. 

Illumi's brows furrowed. "You refused to eat yesterday as well. Why am I the one in the wrong here?" 

"Why are you tying yourself with me!?" Spat Hisoka. "I wasn't hungry!"

"And I was worried."

"Worried." Scoffed Hisoka, crossing his arms with a glower. "Worried about what? You think I can't handle myself?"

Illumi's eyes darkened. "Am I not allowed to worry about my own husband?" 

"Worry about yourself instead of my cramps." 

"The cramps made you throw up last night?" 

Hisoka froze. Illumi held his gaze, penetrating straight through Hisoka's wide eyes. He knew.

Of course he did.

Of course he did.

Just the thought of Illumi watching him from the shadows yesterday stirred the food nauseously inside Hisoka’s stomach. 

His nails dug roughly into the table and his aura flared. There was no privacy in this forsaken house. Nowhere to hide. Nowhere to go. 

Hisoka's chopsticks slammed straight through the plate, shattering it and piercing through the wooden table. He spoke with a deep growl; "You need to learn to mind your business." 

The chair crashed into the ground as Hisoka pushed himself up and furiously made his way upstairs, heavy steps echoing throughout the house.

The bedroom door was slammed shut, the sound ringing in the empty room. Hisoka sealed the entire entrance with bungee gum along with the windows before he found himself in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. 

Curly hair mussed and floating lightly in different directions from his aura. Eyes sunken in, accompanied by dark bags underneath. Multiple pink breakout spots on his face. Dry bathrobe hanging from his shoulders. The vulnerability in his appearance made him sick to his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to cover himself up and lock himself away where nobody can find him.

No, where Illumi cannot find him. 

That damned man that does nothing but worry about him and force himself into his business. What was so difficult to understand about personal space? About the privacy that Hisoka so desperately craved? 

His eyes darted to the ring on his right hand. The ring felt unbearably suffocating in this moment, like a chain that locked him with the Zoldyck. 

His grip landed on the accursed accessory, his blunt nails digging into the engraved gold. The overwhelming feeling of taking it off, crushing it, and throwing it far away was stopped by something that Hisoka couldn't wrap his head around. 

He felt something cold tickling his cheeks. 

When he swiped it off with his finger, it was wet. His gaze slowly moved towards the mirror. The reflection was blurry. 

Oh. Those were tears. 

He was crying. 

Hisoka blinked the tears away until his vision was clearer. More drops slid down his cheek. He stared at himself numbly. 

What was he even crying about? Anger? Frustration? Seriously…?

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and washed his face before throwing himself onto the empty bed inside the bedroom. He was quick to be reminded of the pin lodged into his neck since yesterday upon impact. 

Hisoka sat up, his fingers brushing over the pin. A wave of sadness washed over him, which was promptly replaced by fury and a tightened grip, his mind recalling the earlier argument. The pin pierced through the bedroom door with a crack. A thin stream of blood ran down Hisoka's neck and over his chest.

The consequences were immediate. Pain crashed his body like a shockwave. Hisoka sucked the air in sharply as he doubled over in agony. The shock mellowed out as he counted the seconds, body recovering from the startle of his nervous system functioning normally again. Eventually, the pain traveled and took refuge as a dull ache in his lower stomach.

With a shaky sigh, Hisoka straightened his back, staring at the round silver pin in front of him before letting himself fall, head hitting the pillow. The drowsiness struck him as he slid under the covers and turned to his side, back facing the windows. 

Everything fell quiet. There were no longer sounds coming from the kitchen. Flocks of birds were distant and his own breath became inaudible. The wall colors felt dull, unbearable to look at. 

Hisoka was exhausted. 

At this point, exhaustion was an understatement. His eyes grew heavier than the pit in his stomach with every blink. His arms were pulled against his chest, wrapped around himself. A familiar feeling surfaced. The dreadful sense of craving, yearning. 

Did he deserve to crave something so innocent after his tantrums…? Not that it mattered. It wouldn’t happen anytime soon. Thinking about it was useless. The constant mood swings were draining his low energy, and he needed to rest. 

Hisoka secured the free pillow on the bed in between his legs and arms, pulling it into a hug. He'll make do with this for now. With a deep breath in, he closed his eyes.

…Oh.

Hisoka's lids flew back open. He inhaled again, bringing his face closer to the pillow. 

Illumi's scent. It was faint, but printed on the cover. 

Hisoka buried his nose into the pillow, allowing himself a moment of indulgence. For a while, the world ceased to exist around him, and he focused on the warmth of the bed, the smell of Illumi filling his senses when he'd sleep close to him, with his arms wrapped around Hisoka's back to pull him closer. What a safe haven that had felt.

There was no surprise nor contempt when tears spilled from his eyes this time. Hisoka let it happen, hiding his face into the pillow as silent sobs shook his shoulders. 

---

It was dark when Hisoka raised his head from the cold, dried pillow. Faint moonlight dimly colored the bedroom in a soft white glow. He sat up, rubbing his stinging eyes, instinctively reaching for his phone's usual spot on the bedside table. It had been here since yesterday.

His nose wrinkled and eyes narrowed as the screen lit up in a bright light. A lock screen of Illumi wiping blood off his claw-extended hand greeted him, the time reading 7:04 PM. He slept the entire morning off. Not that he had anything to do regardless. 

With time, the screen went black. Hisoka turned it back on, staring at the picture of Illumi.

Illumi....

Was Illumi home?

He gathered his aura and sent it through the walls and ceilings of the house in a sphere. Normally, using En would be tiring, but a few seconds of usage was nothing. All Hisoka needed was to sense the aura of another nen user in the house for a split second. And he felt it, downstairs. The aura dissipated and the breath he was holding was released. 

After a trip to the bathroom, Hisoka moved to open the bedroom door. It wouldn’t budge. It took a few more tries before he remembered sealing it shut with his hatsu. He nearly thought Illumi had locked him in. The bungee gum coatings were released and he stepped out. As he approached the stairs, a soft voice can be vaguely heard from the first floor. Using aura to enhance his hearing made the words all the more clear.

"--and I thought about that too. But I don't know anymore."

Hisoka leaned onto the railing, resting his cheek on the palm of his hand and listening. This did not count as eavesdropping; his presence was already announced the moment his aura engulfed the building. 

"Maybe." came Illumi's voice. "I wouldn't put it past him..."

Hisoka's brows rose slightly in interest. Was the situation they're in being discussed with a family member? Illumi tended to come up with solutions with other people if he was stuck with no answers, 'people' mainly being the second eldest Zoldyck brother. Hisoka did not possess this luxury. He had no one else to talk to. 

Things were quiet for a moment before Illumi's sigh came through. "Yeah. I know. I guess I'll try that. Thanks. So we’re good for the deal, right? I’ll pay you double.”

Hisoka tapped the railing a couple of times before making his way down the stairs. The lights were off in the entire house, with the exception of a faint orange light at the entrance door. The living room was lit similarly to the bedroom, though Illumi's figure was shielded from the moon on the couch he laid on. Hisoka took notice of the pins that Illumi was wiping off in his hands while the phone was pressed between his head and his shoulder.

Illumi's head turned ever so slightly to acknowledge Hisoka's presence. He stared at the traces of dried blood on Hisoka’s neck for a moment before his attention was directed back at his pins. "Don’t care. I’m still sending the amount I’ve mentioned before.” A pause. “I don’t care if you think it’s too much. Anyways, Hisoka’s awake so I'll hang up now. Don't stay up for too late, Millu." 

The phone was closed and placed on the table. Hisoka walked over and took a seat on the adjacent couch. He watched as Illumi put his pins away and picked the book he held yesterday back up instead. When they made eye contact, Hisoka was silently offered the television remote.

Television didn't interest him. He wanted Illumi. 

How could he possibly portray this without it being... overbearing? Pretending like he didn't tell Illumi that he wanted nothing to do with him while he was, in fact, longing for his company. 

Hisoka gingerly accepted the remote, just to be polite. Just so there weren't any more mixed signals if he was to decline. He hoped, simultaneously, that accepting it did not come off as him being interested in spending more time alone.

The device sat in Hisoka's hands. He stared at it blankly before moving his gaze back to his husband. What was the purpose of the book he was reading again? Something about… Oh, right. A new language. Hisoka never found out what language it was. It’s hard to keep up with the things Illumi would read about every week. 

At some point, Illumi met his gaze. "Am I bothering you?" 

"No." said Hisoka, too quickly. 

With that, Illumi went back to reading. Hisoka fidgeted with the remote.

"What are you reading?" asked Hisoka. Illumi raised his head. His face was in the shadows, but the slight pause in response indicated that he was taken back by the question. 

"It's a book about one of the native Padokean languages." said Illumi. 

Hisoka waited for more information. None was provided. "Yeah?" he said, hoping to prompt a longer conversation. 

"Yeah." Illumi shrugged, averting his eyes. Thankfully, not towards the book. "I thought it'd be fun to learn." 

With a hum, Hisoka leaned back. "I'm surprised there's a Padokean language you are unaware of." 

Illumi blinked. It took a moment longer for him to respond. "Only a small village to the south of Padokea uses it, so it was not a requirement in the Zoldyck curriculum." His finger ran down the side of the book. "I never went there, personally... But I'd like to. Their culture seems interesting." 

"I see." said Hisoka, tapping his foot on the ground momentarily while thinking of another question. "How--"

"Do--" started Illumi, pausing when Hisoka spoke at the same time. "Oh, sorry. Go ahead." 

"No, no. I'm fine." said Hisoka, waving him off. "What were you going to say?" 

Illumi visibly hesitated before speaking, "I was going to ask if you wanted to... come with me to the village when I do travel." 

Hisoka's brows shot up. "Oh."

"I thought you'd be interested because you're a fan of exploring new places. It might be a pleasant experience. Of course, that's only if you want to--"

"Yes." said Hisoka, a smile forming on his lips. "I’d like to."

Illumi blinked widely a couple of times before his face softened with a smile of his own. "What was your question?" 

"Oh, right." Hisoka thought momentarily then brought a finger to his lips. "I forgot." 

Illumi laughed, and it sounded like music to Hisoka's ears. "That's why I wanted you to go first!" 

"I can remember..." Hisoka huffed, hand over his face to hide the flush on his cheeks. Something about the book. It doesn't have to be the same question. Anything related to keep talking. "…Can you say something to me in that language?"

"I can do that." nodded Illumi. He shifted to a proper seat, book abandoned on his lap to think. "Kuani e omap ash."

"What does that mean?" asked Hisoka.

"It means I love you." 

Hisoka slowly blinked then covered his mouth to chuckle. He was trying his best to ignore the acceleration of his beating heart. "How romantic. Was that the only sentence you've learned or… perhaps, a deliberate choice of words?"

"Yes," said Illumi, "It was deliberate."

For a moment, Hisoka's breathing stuttered. It should be something he's used to by now. The bluntness Illumi delivered to his questions without hesitation.

The room fell silent, and Hisoka couldn't bring himself to selfishly keep taking more of Illumi's time. A small voice inside his head told him he didn’t deserve it.

The sound of distant cicadas filled the awkwardness between them. Hisoka didn't hear Illumi open his book back up, yet there were no eyes on him either. 

"Do you..." Illumi started, and Hisoka turned his head towards him. "...want to know more?"

The remote on Hisoka's lap was squeezed tightly between his hands. He did say that he wasn't going to be selfish, but if Illumi was the one prompting it... "Yes."

Illumi smiled.

They spent the next hour together, Illumi explaining an extensive amount of information about the village's culture and language practices while Hisoka listened quietly. At some point, Illumi moved from his couch and sat beside Hisoka to show him the book's contents and the notes he wrote down. The proximity was dizzying. Every time their shoulders brushed, Hisoka felt the blood rush to his face. When Illumi brought his face closer to him while flipping through the pages, Hisoka's heart would stutter. It was akin to some hormonal teenage crush. What was wrong with him?

Time passed, and focusing became near impossible. Hisoka didn't want to talk anymore. The feelings became overwhelming. He wanted to touch Illumi. He wanted to be touched by Illumi, to be held by Illumi... He wanted…

"Hisoka?"

Hisoka raised his head with a startle, meeting Illumi's concerned eyes.

"What's wrong?" asked Illumi.

"…What?" said Hisoka, a robotic whisper. "Nothing."

Illumi's gaze fell down and Hisoka followed it. The television remote was crushed into pieces in his grip. Had he been subconsciously squeezing it? When did that happen? He slowly opened his hands, the pieces falling onto his robe.

The robe. The bath robe. For how long had he been wearing this thing?

Hisoka clawed off the robe and threw it to the side. The sound of cracked plastic hitting the floor echoed through the room. Hisoka breathed a shaky sigh, running a hand down his face. What was going on? Why did he feel oppressed all of the sudden?

He flinched from the cold hand resting on his back. "Are you okay?" came Illumi's soft voice.

Hisoka kept his hand on his face, staring at his reflection in the dark television screen. "No." he said. It felt suffocating-- whatever it was. The robe? The room? The walls?

His feelings…?

Nothing felt right anymore. His mind and body were at dissonance. The cravings he sought made him sick. How foul it was to think such thoughts earlier after the disrespect he'd shown during breakfast.

Hisoka got up and headed upstairs in a sudden motion. "I'm going out."

"Where to?" asked Illumi, following behind him.

"I don't know." said Hisoka. He forced the bedroom door open and beelined it to the closet, picking up the first outfit he saw. He had no idea what was going on within himself, but if he stayed in this building any longer something might snap. He had enough of fights happening over nonsensical feelings.

Illumi stood at the bedroom door when Hisoka came back into the room and started dressing. He pulled out the pin that was stuck in the door, flipping it between his fingers before turning his attention to Hisoka. "Can I come with you?"

Hisoka paused in the middle of putting a pair of pants on, staring at Illumi.

Illumi was… no, he was not the source of his suffocation. It was a personal problem. The question was, did Hisoka need some space right now? Thinking back of his time up on the roof yesterday soured his expression. There was probably nowhere else to go other than a roof, now that he thought about it. Sitting on that couch with Illumi talking about his interests did feel nice. Maybe… 

"Yes." Said Hisoka.

---

The sound of the car door being shut echoed through the area. Hisoka leaned back in his seat. Breathing the cold breeze through the window helped in calming him down. The adjacent car door was opened and Illumi hopped in, starting the engine.

Hisoka was not planning on going out just to cramp himself inside of a car. Unfortunately, his body did not find it agreeable to go anywhere in the cold in a simple black tracksuit with nothing underneath. His hair was also damp, curls hanging over his eyes and down his neck. The last thing Hisoka needed on top of his current dilemmas was to catch a cold. Yes, the sudden shower was necessary. He felt like he needed to scrub an invisible stain off his body despite only washing it yesterday.

"Where to?" Asked Illumi. He sported a simple black turtleneck and baggy flame pants that spilled over his white sneakers.

Hisoka shrugged, not taking his eyes off the sky. "Don't care."

All car windows were shut before they rode off into the night.

There was no sound nor conversation on the road, only the ambience of the city surrounding them as they passed by. Hisoka idly shuffled his cards while watching the scenery for the majority of the ride.

At some point, they came to a stop in front of a random residential building. Hisoka turned to look at Illumi, who gestured to his own window. On the other side was a local restaurant he'd either never seen before or had forgotten.

"You haven't eaten since breakfast." Said Illumi before adding, "...neither have I. Milluki recommended this place. He said they make really good donburi."

Donburi…? Yeah, Hisoka could use something to eat by now. Donburi was a perfect middle ground between light, hearty, and fulfilling.

They made their way to the restaurant and took refuge at one of the middle tables for two. Unfortunately, the place was crowded and the window tables were all packed. There goes Hisoka's plan for occupying himself while their orders were placed.

"I can ask for the waiter to clear one of the tables there." said Illumi. Hisoka turned his attention to him and shook his head, waving him off.

"No, no. I'm fine." He took one more look around him. A bunch of families were spread around the larger tables, laughing amongst each other and chatting lively. One of the smaller tables in the very back was occupied with two older women that seemed like a couple. They had their hands over each other's on the table, foreheads pressed together, whispering sweet nothings to each other. Hisoka watched them for a good while before turning his gaze towards Illumi, who was seated across him, scanning over the menu in his hands. Hisoka looked at the untouched menu in front of him. "Your brother recommended this place?"

Illumi nodded. "He said he ate here before and that it's one of his favorite hidden katsudon places in the continent."

"Hidden?" Laughed Hisoka. "Doesn't feel like it."

"If it was much more well known, we wouldn't have been able to get a table right away."

Hisoka hummed at that before finally picking up the menu. "Well, any recommendations?"

Illumi leaned over, flipping over a few pages on Hisoka's menu. He pointed at some dishes as he spoke, "Milluki recommended the unadon, but he said their oyakodon would be the best option for you."

‘The best option...’ the sentence brought something to Hisoka's attention. Illumi was talking about the situation in extensive detail with his brother. While Hisoka had no qualms with some things about their lives being shared with others, moments of his own vulnerability being spoken about so openly was heavily unappreciated.

He had enough of uncertainty souring his mood. He set the menu down calmly and looked Illumi in the eye. "How much does your brother know?"

Illumi blinked in surprise, eyes darting to meet Hisoka's. "Huh?"

"What did you tell him on the phone?" Hisoka tried again.

Silence stretched between the table. Illumi slowly took a seat on his side again, eyes averted. Hisoka's fist was anxiously clenched under the table. He had to remind himself that this wasn't confirmation to his suspicions, rather that Illumi would take a while to comprehend the question and contemplate the best answer. This wasn't a manipulative tactic. It was just how his partner's brain operated.

"I mainly spoke of our arguments." said Illumi, meeting Hisoka's eyes again. "I was thinking over what I’ve said and done in them. Other than that, I’ve provided more details when context was required."

Hisoka's eyes narrowed. "Details like what?"

"You're asking if I told Milluki about what I’ve seen yesterday." said Illumi, more of a statement than a question. "No, I didn't. When he recommended this place to me, it was because I asked him to inform me of restaurants that served traditional meals in our area."

The tension melted from Hisoka’s body at those words. He took out his deck of cards and began shuffling through it. "I'll take the oyakodon."

Illumi nodded. Once their orders were placed, Illumi leaned in. "I am highly aware of your preferences when it comes to privacy." he purred. "If there was something you didn't even want me to witness, then I’m not going to share it with anyone else."

Hisoka remained silent, but gave his husband a wordless look of gratitude. His shuffling ceased, fingers rested on top of a covered card, pulling it out. He raised the card in front of him.

A four of hearts.

The ring on his right hand glistened under the artificial lights. Hisoka stared at it with fondness, placing the card he pulled back on top of the pile. Of course. There was a reason he married the man in front of him, after all. Doubting the trust between them was unbecoming of him. He hoped Illumi wasn't upset over it, that he'd tolerate him for just a couple days longer.

No further conversations were brought up until their food was set on the table. Despite his body feeling uncomfortable with the smell of perfectly normal food, Hisoka gingerly took a few mouthfuls of his bowl. The rice was cooked perfectly, though that was the bare minimum. The chicken was seasoned well. The stock they used for it was quite savory, making it the highlight of the dish. Hisoka expected nothing less than that when eating out.

He took food consumption very seriously. Settling for mediocrity when he was perfectly capable of cooking it himself as a much healthier replication was out of the question. It was important to look after your physical health and stay in top shape for future fights. How else would Hisoka’s body heal from the scars he stacks up in his battles?

Either way, the recommendation from the second eldest Zoldyck lived up to its expectation.

Illumi, on the other hand, was eating a bowl of Katsudon. There wasn't any change in his expression to indicate his enjoyment, but that was usually how he looked consuming anything. He was also already halfway done. What on earth?

When their eyes met, Hisoka promptly averted his to the bowl in front of him instead.

"Is the food good?" asked Illumi.

Hisoka nodded curtly. "Good enough."

"Just good enough?"

"What else do you want me to say?" said Hisoka, pouting. Illumi picked up on his impatience and dropped the questions then and there.

The rest of the meal went relatively smoothly, until Hisoka was forced to take the rest of his bowl leftovers in their car. If he was subjected to a child's obnoxious screaming and crying for another five minutes, he would've silenced that thing himself. Who the hell cries over being told to eat vegetables?

Illumi was already done with his bowl a while ago. He always ate anything at the speed of a starved man in a desert, for some reason. Hisoka wondered if that was a common Zoldyck trait or just an Illumi thing.

After the food was finished, Illumi began driving somewhere. Hisoka didn't inquire about their destination, as he didn't care anyways.

He did end up caring, however, when Illumi stopped at a crowded dessert place. This, Hisoka remembered as one of his favorites. It sold the most delicious soft-served ice cream with a wide variety of toppings that most places wouldn't consider. Their selection of cakes was also hard to compete with. He bought one for Illumi on his birthday before. The flavor was sublime, something not even Hisoka could achieve in his own baking. 

Despite that, Hisoka craved nothing from that store. 

"Ah..." Illumi pouted in the reflection of Hisoka's window after being told so. The inevitable question was going to come up; What did Hisoka want to do now?

The answer came to him as soon as his eyes landed on a convenience store right beside the dessert shop.

They both invaded the place in a flash, and Hisoka loaded the shopping cart with things he craved in less than five minutes. Said things being most of the items he laid his eyes upon. Illumi had left earlier to brush his teeth in the store bathroom and came back to a cart nearly filled to the brim.

"Hisoka..." said Illumi, lifting a plastic bag from the cart filled with fresh strawberries. "We already have strawberries in the fridge."

Hisoka was looking over different flavored boxes of gum in his hands. "We can get more."

"Our fridge will not fit everything in this cart."

"It will." said Hisoka, throwing the boxes into the overflowing pile. Those gum brands were nothing like bungee gum, but the company that produced it went bankrupt a long time ago. 

By the time they made it to the cashier, most of the extras on top of the pile were stuck with bungee gum to avoid them tumbling over. They stood in line behind some woman unloading a bunch of baby formula and diapers among other stuff from her shopping cart. Hisoka leaned onto his cart, playing idly with the four of hearts between his fingers. The sudden commotion at the register caught his attention.

“Sorry ma’am, but your card declined.” Said the cashier, holding out a credit card.

“What!?” the woman cried out. “No—no, no! That can’t be, please check again!”

The cashier did, then gave her an apologetic look. “Not working. You’re gonna have to put the stuff back-“

“No, please! I need these stuff, my baby’s starving!”

With a roll of his eyes, Hisoka returned his attention to the card in his hand. He balanced it on one finger, forced it to disappear then pulled it back out of thin air. He practiced a bunch of tricks for the past few minutes to entertain himself. The line still hadn’t moved. Hisoka fixed a glare at the woman that was still crying and begging for the cashier to try again. His fingers tightened around the four of hearts, aura engulfing the card, sharpening it.

Illumi shoved his own credit card in the cashier's hands. “I’ll pay for her.”

Hisoka blinked at Illumi in surprise. The woman nearly threw herself at him in gratitude, but he promptly stepped back, mild disgust painted on his face.

The woman finally left a minute later with her shopping bags after refusing to shut up about how grateful she is for Illumi’s ‘selfless’ act, about how he saved her and her child. Hisoka was endlessly amused with how uncomfortable Illumi looked, like he himself was barely holding back from spilling her guts onto the convenience store floors.

They finally began unpacking their own shopping cart. Hisoka’s eyes kept wandering back to the sweets isle far away. Illumi constantly patted his shoulder to get his attention off any other possible purchases.

As the cashier wrapped up their bags and scanned the credit card, she gave Illumi a warm smile. “Y’know, it was a real nice thing you did for that lady. I know it meant a lot to her.”

Illumi huffed an incredulous laugh. “You think I care about her or her child? I did it so my husband didn’t have to wait any longer.”

The cashier blinked in surprise. “...Oh. Um…”

Hisoka snickered. He leaned onto Illumi’s shoulder and said, “You’re lucky my lovely husband here stepped in. You’ve never seen a body without its head before, have you?” He grinned, wickedly. “I would’ve loved to show you.”

There was fear in her eyes now. The poor girl was frozen in place, lips hung open, credit card trembling between her fingers. “…W-What?”

Illumi tilted his head, a smile of his own growing on his lips. “If that woman was ever the target of my assassinations, I would make sure to torture her child in front of her before taking her apart limb by limb.”

He plucked the credit card out of the cashier’s hands in one sudden movement. She jumped back with a gasp, nearly tripping over herself, hand gripping her shirt as if she’d been attacked. Hisoka giggled, watching her terrified expression as they picked their grocery bags up and walked out of the store in a nonchalant manner.

The moment they were out, Illumi sighed exasperatedly. “I hate these stupid people.”

Hisoka hummed, his lips stuck in the form of a smile. “Maybe we should’ve killed them.”

“That would cause too much commotion. Then it’d turn into an inconvenience store.”

It took a second before Hisoka burst out laughing, nearly tripping on his legs and dropping the grocery bags onto the concrete. People stared, but he kept laughing.

They reached the car and loaded it up with their haul. “By the way, I’m curious…” said Hisoka, leaning onto the car as Illumi sorts their bags out. “Have you ever tortured a child before? …For a mission, that is.” He smiled slyly. “People other than your siblings.”

Illumi’s head whipped to Hisoka’s direction with a glare. “I don’t torture my siblings.”

“Oops.” Hisoka brought a finger to his lips, tilting his head innocently. “Of course you don’t. I must’ve gotten it mixed up…”

Illumi fixed him with a stare, before going to close the trunk of the car. Hisoka stopped him, saying he wanted to take some bags with him. He started looking for the fruit bags when Illumi spoke, “I have.”

Hisoka paused his search for a moment, then continued. “I expected that.”

“I don’t enjoy it.” Said Illumi, staring at the sky above them. “It always felt… strange.”

Hisoka hummed, finding the strawberry bag and handing it over to Illumi. “I wonder why. Do they ever remind you of some people you know very well?”

He felt Illumi’s piercing stare on his back, and he couldn’t help but grin to himself.

A few minutes of silence later, Illumi was now holding a couple of bags filled with random purchases from the store. Hisoka closed the trunk and turned to face him. His dark eyes were still fixed on the equally dark sky. They looked distant.

Finally, they settled down on the roof of a nearby building, despite Illumi's protests of the wind picking up. Hisoka covered the wide ledge in his aura before getting comfortable without the worry of a dirty surface. Illumi followed, carrying the bags his husband insisted on bringing with them and setting them down. Hisoka wasted no time in finishing three packs of sour candy before grabbing the fruits bag and feasting on a handful of grapes. It occurred as an afterthought to him that the fruits may not be washed, but that was the least of his worries right now. The weather did end up getting colder by the minute, but a little pain in his guts was nothing to handle.

"They had no mangos." huffed Hisoka as he dangled a couple of individual grapes in the air with his aura.

"It's not their season." explained Illumi, who had been watching him silently with no particular interest in the snacks himself.

"I wanted mangos." said Hisoka. His swinging legs stubbornly hit the building's walls with force, leaving cracks in them.

"I can make fruit taste like mangos." said Illumi. He held a pin between his fingers.

Hisoka's brows shot up. "How?"

"The same way I can shapeshift myself into any human, I can change an apple's genes into a mango."

They didn't have an apple on hand, but Hisoka doubted the type of fruit mattered. He offered Illumi a random strawberry, and Illumi stuck the fruit with his pin before removing it a moment later. "Try it. It should taste like a mango."

Hisoka popped the strawberry in his mouth. It tasted like a strawberry. His brows furrowed.

"It didn't work." said Hisoka.

"Are you sure?" asked Illumi. He took out another strawberry and repeated the process. "Try again."

Hisoka did. Nothing changed. "It's just a strawberry, Illumi."

"Wait, I think I got it this time." Illumi held out another strawberry. Hisoka took it in his mouth. His brows furrowed heavily. It was a normal strawberry.

Before he could say anything, Illumi held out another strawberry. This time, his expression shifted into a large, cheeky grin. "One more?"

Oh. Hisoka was being played. He was being taken for a complete fool. Of course Illumi cannot change the biology of a fruit into another. What on earth was he believing?

Hisoka narrowed his eyes into a glare as Illumi laughed before looking away with his arms crossed. He wasn't truly upset, though. Sure, he didn't get his promised mangos, but it felt nice sharing such a lighthearted moment between them amidst all the tension. It hadn't been long but it felt like ages. He missed this. He missed everything about this. The bantering, the company, the jokes… everything.  

Fingers gently directed Hisoka's chin to look back. His cheeks were cupped between cold and slender hands as his face was slowly brought closer to Illumi's. The strong night breeze ran between them, carrying Illumi's hair along with it. Dark, thin strands decorated his lover's pale face.

"I'm sorry. Did that upset you?" asked Illumi.

Hisoka's brain registered not a single word. The cold weather highlighted Illumi's warm breath on his lips, with pale thumbs lightly caressing under his eyes. Those endlessly dark eyes, illuminated perfectly by the city lights, accompanied by the ever so slight crease in Illumi's brows out of worry.

Illumi tilted Hisoka's head, fingers sliding to his forehead. "You're freezing."

Hisoka kissed him.

There were no second thoughts to be had. No sweetness in his actions. It was filled with yearning, overwhelming desire that overtook him right then and there. Their lips were forcefully pushed together, the kiss growing deeper by the second as Hisoka's hand gathered a fist of Illumi's hair and pulled him closer. Despite the surprised delay, Illumi reciprocated, matching Hisoka's vigor.

Hisoka's eyes were closed, and he focused on nothing but the cold wetness that spread around their lips. The discomfort of the cold weather and the growing pain spikes in his lower stomach mixed with the intense arousal that overtook his guts on the spot. Nothing around them mattered. He wanted this, he wanted Illumi, more than anything else in the world.

A hand slid down Hisoka's back, grabbing his ass and pushing him forward, shifting him onto Illumi's lap. Hisoka responded by wrapping his arms around Illumi's neck. In an attempt to take control, he pushed Illumi onto his back. Illumi hit the narrow cement underneath him. The moment Hisoka got comfortable, he was flipped over, landing on the roof floor away from the ledge with Illumi on top of him. Their lips were separated in the process, and they breathed hotly into each other's mouth.

Hisoka's limbs trembled as his lips were teased roughly between Illumi's teeth. Every breath felt labored as he drowned in Illumi's dark gaze, a black pool of hair caging them from the world. The hand gripping Illumi's top tightened as something bubbled up inside him--

Illumi was shoved to the side as Hisoka violently sneezed two times, with the third delayed into his hand. The world spun before him as he tried to get a grip on himself and his surroundings. The spell was broken, and everything felt disgusting.

A piercing headache pounded through his skull. His entire body ached. The former arousal that rested in his guts dissipated, leaving behind agonizing cramps. His hand was visibly covered with what looked like dirt. He sneezed again. The world spun faster.

Hisoka shut his eyes and gripped his head, hissing.

"Hisoka?" Came Illumi's voice from besides him. A hand rested on his back with another finding his face. Hisoka opened his eyes. There were multiple Illumis. He closed them again.

"Hisoka, what's wrong?"

How was he supposed to know? Everything felt blissful in one moment, and sickening the next. Gathering his bearings was difficult with multiple, painful mixed signals from his body. What was he supposed to focus on?

Illumi's hand moved to Hisoka's forehead, then to the hand gripping his head. "Hold on."

Hisoka felt himself get lifted off the ground. He instinctively leaned into Illumi's body as he was taken back to the car. Only then did he truly realize his body had been trembling from the cold.

The car was nowhere near warm, but the barrier from a constant stream of wind already made a difference. Hisoka leaned back into his seat, eyelids fluttering open. The spinning was subtle and tolerable now. None of the pain ceased to exist yet.

Illumi slammed his door shut and stepped on the gas.

Hisoka hugged his aching stomach as he stared at the rapidly moving scenery around him. He focused on evening his breathing.

The car took a sharp turn. Hisoka grit his teeth. "Slow this damned thing down!"

Illumi's abrupt drop of speed had Hisoka's guts churning. "Sorry," said Illumi. "I was trying to go home faster so you can--"

"Do you also want me to empty the fruits I ate in the car?"

"No... that was not my intention. I'll drive slow."

With a tut, Hisoka rested his head on the window.

The ride was spent with Hisoka tossing and turning in his seat, hisses of pain filling the silence in-between them. At some unfortunate point, he ran a hand down his face and was reminded of how filthy his palms were. Covering his skin in bungee gum and peeling off the dirt had done nothing to alleviate the feeling of repugnance growing inside him. He'd give anything to drench himself in a body of water, away from everything surrounding him.

Illumi had kept quiet throughout it all, with no suggestions or advices. The first words were exchanged after he parked the car. With their house built in the middle of a forest, their parking road was considerably far on foot. Without the use of nen, that is, which shortened the journey to mere minutes.

Hisoka was leaning on the car, arms crossed over his stomach as he stared over the pool of trees in front of him. Illumi locked the car and walked towards him. "Would you like me to carry you on the way there?" he asked.

‘No.’ was the answer on the tip of Hisoka's tongue. His body agreed desperately with the offer. His mind did not.

Hisoka had never been the kindest to his body.

"It'll be faster on foot." was his excuse before he took off. Illumi followed soon after.

--

It was, in fact, not faster on foot.

The weather combined with the speed they were going at already stopped Hisoka in his tracks only a dozen trees in. His hand gripped the wood as he steadied himself on his legs, which started to wobble. Going at the same pace would intensify his dizziness again.

Illumi was perched on a nearby tree, watching him. "Do you need help?" He asked. Hisoka waved him off, jumping to the ground.

"I'll go on foot." Said Hisoka. "You go on ahead." It'd take a while to reach the house without his nen, but he had no other option.

His path was abruptly cut as Illumi landed in front of him. He stared Hisoka straight in the eye and said, "Are you serious?"

Hisoka blinked at him. "Do I sound like I'm joking?"

Hisoka turned to walk around Illumi. Instead, he found himself swiftly off his feet and back between Illumi's arms. Before he had even processed the shift in position, Illumi took off.

Hisoka's hand gripped Illumi's shoulder, blunt nails threatening to dig into his skin. "Put me down."

No response. Hisoka's mouth twitched and his grip tightened. "Illumi, put me--"

"I'm not listening to the words of a man that can barely stand on his own two feet." said Illumi.

Hisoka stared at Illumi with wide eyes. His mouth was parted, but no true rebuttal came out of it. Illumi was right, and the cramps intensifying on him felt like his body was scolding him for his unyielding stubbornness.

Well, it didn't seem like Illumi was going to let him go without a fight, and there was no fight left in Hisoka's current state.

Shamefully, his body finally relaxed and he allowed himself to rest his head against Illumi's chest. His eyes were averted and his lips thinned as he felt the heat spreading on his face.

They reached their front door, eventually. Illumi gently let Hisoka stand again before unlocking the door.

Hisoka wordlessly kicked his heels off before promptly making his way up the stairs, peeling off his tracksuit in the process. He tossed the dirty clothes on the floor of their bedroom before moving to the bathroom and turning the hot water on. While waiting, he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

The tracksuit had borne most of the grime on the roof's floor, but nothing protected the back of his head from his tumble with Illumi. Not to mention his face being touched by his dirty hands, his mussed hair that went in all directions, and the state his body was in. Hisoka sighed to himself. 'What a mess...'

There was a knock on the bathroom door. Hisoka eyed the reflection of Illumi's figure standing at the doorway through the glass.

"I'd like to shower with you." said Illumi. He walked inside and picked up Hisoka's pink loofa. "I could help you wash your body." Hisoka cocked a brow and Illumi shrugged sheepishly. "It was my fault you got dirty, after all..."

"Mm.. It is your fault." Hisoka agreed. "I don't know.. I'm starting to think you pushed me off the clean ledge on purpose... Did you possibly plan this?"

"I didn't." Said Illumi.

"No?"

"It was..." He averted his eyes, the faintest tint of red invisible to the naked eye coloring his ears. "... an instinct. I wasn't thinking."

Hisoka's lips twisted into a smile. Being reminded of how irresistible you are to your partner was never tiring to hear. "Well, I will allow you to make it up for me then."

Illumi's head perked up and moved to the running shower. "Would you prefer we filled the bath instead?"

The smile dropped from Hisoka's face. "...the bath?"

"We can rest inside it for a while if you're feeling tired."

Hisoka's gaze switched between Illumi and their bathtub. He blinked slowly. "...if you enjoy bathing in water tainted with blood."

"Oh!" Illumi pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "Shit. Sorry. I don't know how I didn't take that into consideration. I'll... get ready for the shower."

Hisoka narrowed his eyes at Illumi's casual cursing but he let it slide this time. As Illumi stripped out of his outfit in the bedroom, Hisoka slid his underwear off and used the toilet. His nose wrinkled as he tossed the pad filled to the brim with blood into the trash.

He stepped into the shower after he was done, sighing as the hot water ran down his body. Clouds of steam filled the open space.

Fingertips touched Hisoka's back and he nearly jumped out of his skin. Illumi stood behind him with his hands held up. "Was I too quiet?"

He completely forgot that Illumi was joining him, and hadn't heard him approach. Of course he was quiet, curse those assassin feet. Before Hisoka could answer him, Illumi pointed at his face. "You still have your makeup on."

Hisoka blinked as he processed the words. "...Oh."

Crap. The makeup must've sunk further into his skin from the hot water. He tutted and stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wiping the water off his face, staining the fabric with makeup in the process. Hisoka tossed the towel to the side with a sigh.

The drying water felt cold on his body as he stepped into the bedroom and grabbed some cotton and his makeup remover. He shivered with water dripping on the carpet underneath him as he made quick work of his face. He wanted nothing more than to be back under the shower again.

As he swiped the last bit of black liner off his eyebrows and moved to his eyes, a familiar sensation made Hisoka's entire body cringe. He looked down. Blood was dripping onto the white carpet. The shower's noise grew distant as he stared at the red stain amidst white fur.

"Are you done?" came a voice to his right. Hisoka blinked at Illumi, who stood by the frame of the bathroom door, waiting for him. Hisoka stared at him silently.

Illumi's brows furrowed. "What? What happened?"

Hisoka laughed, suddenly. "What happened? What didn't happen?" Said Hisoka, throwing the dirty cotton in his hand at the dresser's mirror. Deep, magenta aura flared faintly around his body. "What didn't happen, Illumi?"

He was very close to losing it. Nothing was going the way he wanted it to since the morning. Hell, since yesterday. It was like the entire world was against him. And the worst part? He had no one to blame but himself. All of this could have been avoided, damn it! All of it!

Illumi took small, calculated steps towards Hisoka. "Is this about the carpet?" He asked. "Who cares? It will be cleaned."

"It's not only about the carpet!" spat Hisoka, wiping his running nose with his arm. Nen started to thicken around him.

"Okay." said Illumi. "Can you tell me what els--"

"You shouldn't be here!"

Illumi's steps faltered.

No. No. Hisoka didn't mean to blurt that out. His heart raced as he watched every cog in Illumi's mind turn to all the wrong conclusions.

Despite it being true, even if that's the cause of all his distress and he'd be more at ease knowing Illumi wasn't subjected to his mood swings far away, a selfish part of Hisoka still wanted him here regardless. Things were going decently in the first part of the outing! He had stupidly let hope get the better of him, hope that everything was going to be fine after all, and he wouldn't lash out again.

"Okay." started Illumi, taking a step back. Hisoka fought the urge to close back the minuscule distance lost between them. "If it makes you feel better... I could always go to Kukuro Mounta--"

"No!"

Illumi stared at Hisoka. There was a pause as he went back into thinking, but came up with nothing. "I don't understand--"

"It doesn't matter! You're already here. Just--" Hisoka gestured a hand in the air aggressively before dropping his arm limply by his side. His body shivered and he stifled an oncoming sneeze. The headache creeped back on him. "Can we move on from this?"

Illumi rubbed the back of his damp neck. "I'm trying my best, but I'm... really confused right now, Hisoka. I don't understand anything. Am I the problem?"

"No--" Hisoka tutted, leaning his weight on the dresser with his arm and pinching his nose. He took a sharp breath in, then sighed slowly, his aura completely dissipating. Any sort of attempt at figuring out the situation had been thrown at the window. His gaze fell to the floor. "I'm tired."

Silence stretched on. Hisoka focused on the sound of the shower running in the background. His grip on the dresser tightened then released multiple times.

"Do you still want to shower?" came Illumi's voice.

"Yeah." whispered Hisoka.

"Together?"

"...Yeah."

Illumi's feet came into Hisoka's view and a hand gently lifted his chin up. Hisoka's worn out gaze met Illumi's before he leaned towards the dresser to pick up the discarded wet cotton. "I'll take care of the rest of your makeup." said Illumi.

Hisoka's gaze dropped back to the floor. He allowed Illumi to maneuver his face around for the task, spacing out. At some point, a face leaning into his vision broke Hisoka out of his trance.

"Are you okay?" asked Illumi.

Hisoka blinked a few times. He rubbed his burning eyes. "What do you think?"

Illumi's lips thinned. He straightened his back and held up the stained cotton. "I'm done. Let's go shower." Hisoka's legs felt weak as he was led back into the steaming bathroom.

The world and its worries were drowned out the moment he felt the hot water pouring over him. Hisoka shuddered, his heavy lids dropping as he tilted his head up to meet the stream. He stayed like that until he was unable to keep holding his breath before dropping his head back down with a soft sigh.

With a wet arm, Hisoka wiped his eyes and opened them. Illumi stood before him, silent and watching. When he got Hisoka's attention, he raised the arm holding a nearly empty bubblegum shampoo. An unspoken question. Hisoka complied, turning around.

As fingers start massaging his scalp, Hisoka got lost in thought. He knew how much his husband took words very literally. When he agreed to his body being washed, he agreed to everything underneath his neck. Illumi, on the other hand, saw a body wash as a full body wash, including hair care.

'Who knows,' thought Hisoka. Maybe he was the one interpreting the phrase incorrectly. After all, the head is part of the body by definition. Illumi did have a point. A low chuckle bubbled inside him. He can't believe he's thinking about such pointless crap right now. He was in the process of spiraling mere minutes ago.

"What's funny?" Asked Illumi. His hands retracted and Hisoka heard the shampoo bottle being squeezed, wheezing out air.

Hisoka hummed, leaving the question hanging in the air for a few moments. Had he been alone in the shower, his thoughts would have lingered on his misery or went further downhill. Right now, with the shower smelling strongly of bubblegum and Illumi's fingers back in his hair, he found himself unable to think of anything that wasn't the man behind him.

"I still think a body wash excludes the head." said Hisoka, the smile visible in his voice. They fought over it before. Multiple times. Their pointless bickering was one of his favorite leisure activities.

"You say that..." said Illumi. He guided Hisoka back under the water and began washing the shampoo off. "...and yet you're letting me wash your hair." 

Hisoka's smile grew under the running water. When Illumi attempted to guide him out of the stream, Hisoka pushed back onto him instead, flexibly tilting himself backwards until his eyes met Illumi's upside down figure. "Why would I ever refuse anything that involves those skillful fingers of yours?"

Illumi cocked a brow. "That's exactly what you've been doing all day."

Hisoka's smile faltered. Right. In the simple moment spent sheltered from the world around them with the surrounding steam, he had nearly forgotten. Sweet talk meant nothing when his actions spoke louder.

The rest of the shower went smoothly. Hisoka kept to himself since then, locking eyes with the wall in front of him instead. Illumi threw short comments and questions around, but the lack of replies seemed to quiet him down. At some point, blood flowed down Hisoka's legs and into the drain. Illumi stated that it looked no different than the times he'd dye his hair. That got a breathy laugh out of Hisoka.

Once Illumi was done washing Hisoka up, he took his turn washing himself. Hisoka leaned back against the walls of the shower, running a hand down his face. He was sweating, body weighed down, and barely able to see Illumi through the thick steam. Was it the cold he'd caught, or the temperature of the bathroom? Maybe it was the sudden transition of going from freezing winds to boiling water. Whatever it was, it didn't take long for Hisoka to start feeling faint.

Hisoka slid down and sat on the warm tiles, his breaths came heavy. The shower turned off. A figure crouched besides him.

"What's wrong?" Asked Illumi.

"I don't know." Said Hisoka.

A hand moved Hisoka's bangs that were stuck to his skin away and rested on his forehead. "Your body temperature is high." said Illumi. "I'll escort you out of the bathroom--"

"No." Hisoka waved him off. "Finish your shower first. I'll be fine."

There was a long moment of hesitation before Illumi pushed himself back up. "I'll be quick then."

Hisoka breathed a sigh of relief. He'd prefer saving his energy and focusing on not passing out instead of arguing.

The water turned on, then back off eventually. Illumi could have been swift, he could have finished his showering ritual in under five minutes. Whatever time took him still felt like an eternity to Hisoka. He focused on every breath coming out of his body, every drop of his eyelids, every dull ache in his limbs. Anything that reminded him of his consciousness. A part of him wished he'd interrupt Illumi and get out of here, but Hisoka knew his husband's rituals and how bothered he'd get when they're only half finished. Illumi hid his discomforts well to the naked eye, but Hisoka could tell when and why he would be upset and how the feeling would be carried with him for the rest of the day.

Illumi helped Hisoka stand on his legs, with Hisoka leaning most of his weight if not all on Illumi to be able to walk. He was led into the bedroom and onto the bed with a towel wrapped around him. Hisoka took a deep, long breath of cold air. He was offered a bottle of water, which was gratefully gulped down.

He gathered his bearings as Illumi closed up the bathroom, cleaned the stained carpet, and brought clean pajamas and underwear from their closet. Upon Hisoka's request, a pad was retrieved from the bathroom and they both began dressing up, with Hisoka refusing help. He felt better and actually didn't need it this time. Hisoka's pajamas were a matching set with Illumi, a pink and green set of dotted silk shirts and shorts. It was an unspoken tradition of theirs to match what they're wearing especially if they shower together.

With nothing else to do, they moved to their living room. Hisoka, while physically and mentally tired, had slept through the day which kept him awake. He opted to watch something on television to pass time. Illumi was... well, Illumi. He normally followed Hisoka around the house when they were together, and this time was no exception. Hisoka appreciated the company.

Stretching against the couch cushions, Hisoka cozied up under a blanket and looked around for the remote. Illumi pointed to the floor and Hisoka's gaze followed. Broken scraps laid in a pile at his feet. He blinked. Right. He broke it.

He sheepishly picked up the pieces while Illumi fiddled with the buttons on the back of the television to open and navigate through it. Hisoka's attention was brought to Illumi flipping through channels, and they spent a good ten minutes browsing until Hisoka asked him to settle on the public heavens arena channel. There was nothing specifically intriguing about it, but it was his favorite channel to watch when bored. It seemed as if they were replaying some fighting clips. A shame, as Hisoka preferred live shows.

Illumi fell back onto the empty space besides Hisoka with a sigh. He sat much closer than Hisoka had anticipated, possibly out of habit more than anything. He had nearly leaned into Illumi subconsciously, but caught himself and focused on the fight happening on the screen. Eventually getting bored of that, he moved his attention to the broken remote scraps and attempted to piece it back together with bungee gum and pure intuition.

Hisoka wasn't sure how long he was fixated on fixing that remote. What was a task done initially out of boredom, turned into a very intense challenge. Could he actually get it to work again? He wanted to find out.

Bits and pieces glued around wires and circuits would constantly switch around as Hisoka tried using the remote onto the television, with no avail. 

It wasn't like he ripped the thing apart and burnt it to ashes, he just squeezed it quite hard. It was just a damned remote. Why the hell wasn't it working?

As a last-ditch effort, he popped open the battery case.

Oh.

Hisoka had placed the batteries upside down.

With a long stare at his predicament, he instinctively shot Illumi a glance. Hisoka forgot he was there, and wished he wasn't now. He would've laughed at Hisoka's stupidity had he been paying attention.

Which he wasn't. Illumi wasn't paying attention to anything at all. His eyes were closed.

Hisoka blinked at him before looking back at the remote. At least the batteries incident would be his little secret. Illumi didn't have to know he spent a useless amount of time fixing something that was never going to work.

After popping the batteries out and placing them in correctly, Hisoka worked on tweaking a few things back to what he originally thought would work before trying the remote again. He pressed the power button.

The television turned off.

Hell. Hisoka was right about the way he put it together the very first time.

Leaning back into the couch, the television was turned on again. The heavens arena channel was now displaying a few live matchups below the 50th floor. Hisoka stared blankly at the weak fighters, spacing out for a short moment before remembering Illumi's existence and eyeing him.

He still had his eyes closed.

He wasn't sleeping. Hisoka knew that much. Illumi never slept when it wasn't 'sleeping time' so to say. Instead, he took short, light naps or closed his eyes to rest them. Even when Illumi would sleep, he was an abnormally light sleeper. Sometimes Hisoka wondered if he ever felt well rested.

As if on cue, Illumi's head turned towards Hisoka and his eyes slid open. He had felt Hisoka staring at him.

Hisoka raised his hand with the remote between his fingers. Illumi's eyes followed it.

The television was turned on and off again.

Illumi turned his attention to the remote, eyes filled with aura. Gyo. He blinked, looked at Hisoka, and gave a thumbs up. The remote dangled from Hisoka's hand, attached to his forefinger through a string of aura with a grin. He reveled in compliments no matter how small, especially from his lover.

Eventually, Illumi's attention went elsewhere, and the feeling of accomplishment left as fast as Hisoka rode its high. The remote was abandoned onto another couch, back into a pile of scraps as his hands prioritized playing with the blanket instead.

Without something occupying him, the silence rang loudly in Hisoka's ears. His fingers traced random shapes into the blanket's fur, thinking.

"Did you sleep last night?" Hisoka found himself asking after clearing his sore throat. The question was on his mind ever since he had caught Illumi napping. Or resting his eyes, whatever he was doing.

"No." Said Illumi. A moment passed. "Did you?"

Hisoka stared at the four hearts carved into the blanket's surface. "No." It should have been obvious, considering he slept the entire rest of the morning after breakfast. His finger ran down the middle of the shaped hearts, splitting them unevenly into pieces. "You should go get some rest. I'm not going to sleep anytime soon."

Illumi turned to face Hisoka, who kept his focus on his lap. "Do you want me to leave?" asked Illumi.

Maybe a few moments ago, if Illumi paid attention to his remote blunder. Maybe even now, because the possible accusation in that question had pissed Hisoka off. "Don't put words in my mouth." Hisoka said sharply, glaring at Illumi. "All I did was tell you to rest. Where did I mention not wanting you here?"

Illumi stared at him, arms crossed, unblinking. "Hiding your true intentions behind words is something you practice every single day."

With a roll of his eyes, Hisoka mirrored Illumi's crossed arms. "Everyone does that."

"I don't."

"Congratulations." Deadpanned Hisoka. "Allow me to rephrase; Every normal person does that."

Illumi snorted. "You're calling yourself normal?"

"Putting words in my mouth again?" said Hisoka, eyes narrowed.

"Out of the many things I could put in your mouth, words aren't on the top of the list."

Hisoka froze. He stared at Illumi with his eyes blown wide. The flirting caught him so off guard he thought he hallucinated the sentence. The smile on Illumi's lips proved otherwise.

That was real. Illumi did talk about stuffing his mouth with...

Damn, how did that man pull all of Hisoka's strings so perfectly? Those few words had him grinding the heel of his foot into his panties.

Hisoka hid the heat spreading on his face and in his guts by resting his chin on his palm and looking the other way. Yeah, the wall looked quite interesting today. Same amounts of card dents and pin holes as usual.

"Speaking of going to rest..." started Illumi, and Hisoka refused to look him in the eyes any longer for the rest of the conversation. "Where are you going to sleep today?"

"Where do you think?" said Hisoka, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

"...I don't know." said Illumi. "I asked for a reason."

"The bed." said Hisoka. Frankly, he didn't care whether he was being selfish or not anymore. He wanted to sleep on a comfortable bed, in his comfortable room, besides his squishy, cozy, comfortable and handsome husband. He also wanted to do other things with said husband, if the earlier flirting hadn't been a bluff...

"Our bed?"

The question hadn't registered in Hisoka's brain for a good moment, initially thinking it was a statement. He completely forgot other beds even existed in the house. The ridiculousness of the question finally clicked, and Hisoka scoffed. "No, Illumi. I'm totally going to sleep on the small guest bed instead of the big bed in our room."

There was a silent pause in the room. "I don't get it. Do you want to sleep on our bed without me there? I can sleep on the guest bed instead."

Hisoka winced like he'd been punched in the gut, halting his grinding foot. Right. That was a serious question and Hisoka's responses further complicated the situation. Illumi was no stranger to sarcasm, but he took everything at face value when it came to these situations. Especially when Hisoka had stubbornly slept on the couch yesterday.

With a deep sigh, Hisoka pinched the bridge of his nose. A part of him was incredulous over Illumi's gullibility, but only a very small part. Hisoka was the asshole here. The one making it difficult for no reason. He knew his partner needed honest straightforward answers and he had been doing the exact opposite of that since yesterday.

"I'll sleep in our bed, Illumi." said Hisoka.

"Okay." said Illumi. "I'll sleep on the guest bed then."

"No!" Hisoka tutted, running a hand down his face. He focused on breathing to calm down. "Both of us on the same bed."

A few heartbeats passed before Illumi had spoken again. "We can do that."

Hisoka let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding. They can do that. Great. New achievement; get back in the same bed you and your husband shared for the past year.

---

Someone was gently nudging him. "Hisoka."

Hisoka groaned.

"Hisoka."

His eyelids fluttered open, brows furrowed. The room was dark. Hisoka blinked up at Illumi. "What?"

"We should move to the bed now." said Illumi.

The bed...?

Oh, right. They were still in the living room. After their earlier conversation was over, Hisoka had gotten up to get his deck of cards and invited Illumi to play a game. It was a way of passing time Hisoka was fond of. After multiple rounds of different types of card games, and random episodic headaches that he brushed off, Hisoka had fallen asleep somehow. Oh-- no, he remembered. He remembered resting his head on Illumi's lap somewhere along the way, then falling asleep. How did that even happen? He wasn't feeling tired. Well, it wouldn't matter now.

Hisoka sat up, rubbing at his eyes and covering his yawning mouth. The cards that were splayed all over him scattered onto the floor. Oh, that was a thing. He had been shuffling cards idly in his hands as he rested his head in his husband's lap.

Illumi moved to pick the cards up, and Hisoka followed to help. He was going to do it anyways. He'd never leave his precious deck on the floor for anyone to step on.

With the cards gathered, they both headed upstairs to their bedroom. Hisoka took a quick bathroom detour before brushing his teeth and getting right under the covers besides Illumi.

He stared up at the ceiling that was vaguely illuminated by the cracks in the curtains. What time was it? At this point Hisoka expected to sleep during sunrise. He was far from complaining, though. He disliked unhealthy sleep schedules, even though his lifestyle made him prone to it on the daily.

A pair of eyes were on him for quite a while now. Hisoka decided to meet them, turning his head to the left side of the bed. Illumi stared into him without blinking. "Can I hug you while I sleep?"

Hisoka blinked, shocked. It was a normal question, something they’ve done countless times before, but his heart still fluttered at the simplest words, at the possibility of softness and love. What a terrifying control Illumi had on him.

And he was not going to refuse it.

Hisoka smiled, trying his best to act nonchalant and said, "Well, what are you waiting for?"

"Your consent." deadpanned Illumi.

Hisoka's lips twitched and his smile fell. "That was my consent."

Illumi's brows furrowed. "Your consent is an open question?"

"It's called a rhetorical question, Illumi."

A silent beat passed as they just stared at each other. "...So, is that a yes?"

Hisoka rubbed the side of his face, exasperated, and sighed. "Yes, Illumi Zoldyck, I hereby allow you to take me, Hisoka Morow, into your arms."

"Hisoka Zoldyck." Illumi corrected without missing a beat. "You're a Zoldyck."

Huh... Right. That was a thing. He took Illumi's last name the day they officialized their marriage. Truthfully, Hisoka never gave it any thought. He held no attachment to his original last name, and still felt nothing holding the great Zoldyck name in its place. The only benefits that came with it was the privilege of being able to provoke the Zoldycks whenever he visited the mountain alongside his husband. The worst part of it, however, was their overly complicated family rules, very specifically the ones where family members aren't allowed to fight each other. What a boring rule. Intrusive thoughts of divorcing Illumi just to fight his family plagued Hisoka's mind every year.

Illumi shifted closer until his face was mere inches from Hisoka. They both stared into each other's eyes until Illumi pulled away and laid on his back. Strong arms pulled Hisoka gently on top of him. He pulled the duvet over their bodies, hand sliding into the red curls, fingers rubbing gently at Hisoka's scalp.

In this position, Hisoka had his head rested on Illumi's chest and his legs splayed over him. Illumi's heart was nearly silent, but Hisoka could make out its steady, calm beating rhythm. He hoped Illumi could not hear his own, quick heart beats, or see the warm flush on his face.

He adjusted his positioning, feeling Illumi's thighs press in between his legs. Despite being completely contradictory of what he'd just wanted to not happen, Hisoka looked up to meet Illumi's eyes. "You know, this position may come with its consequences."

Dark, half-lidded eyes moved to meet Hisoka's golden ones. "Why would that be?"

Hisoka shrugged. "If my pad overflows, you'll be the one covered in blood."

Illumi scoffed, wrinkling his nose. "Do you really think I’d care about stupid shit like that? I've been--"

"Language." deadpanned Hisoka.

Illumi's lips thinned for a moment, then he continued, "I've been soaked in blood countless times in my life. It'd be hypocritical to draw the line here."

"But of course." Hisoka grinned to himself. "You being a hypocrite? That has never happened before!"

Illumi cocked a brow, shooting Hisoka an unimpressed look. "Go to sleep."

Hisoka snorted but complied, wrapping his arms around his partner's chest and closing his eyes.

The pad overflowing was a complete bluff. Hisoka had his panties firmly secured with his aura so no leaks were able to occur.

If lying for fun was a crime, Hisoka would’ve served a life sentence by now.