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Hummer really, really needs to get his shit together.
"Wifies," he calls through the door. "Help."
"Hummer," Wifies replies patiently. "It's a fucking shirt."
"I've never worn a shirt in my life," Hummer complains. "I always just, like, make it look like I'm wearing one."
"Hummer," Wifies repeats. "My boyfriend. Love. Light of my life, apple of my eye, peanut butter to my jelly. If you do not put on a shirt in the middle of fucking January, you will die."
"I can't die," Hummer argues. "I'm a supernatural entity taking a corporeal form."
"You underestimate Massachusetts," Wifies says. "California is way warmer, and you can't just live in my computer forever. I didn't even know you could do that."
Hummer groans, trying to pull his arm back out of the neck hole. He knows what a shirt looks like. He's projected it onto his body before. He sees Wifies wear one every single day. But there are t-shirts, and then there are these.
"Why are these sleeves so long?" he mutters, shoving his arm through it. He twists his body around to fit his head through the neck hole, wincing at the sound of cracking joints.
"Don't break any bones," Wifies deadpans from the other side. Hummer really, really wishes he remembered how to make socially inappropriate gestures.
"So," Hummer says that night, "you were wrong."
"Mhm," Wifies replies, pulling the thick blanket over himself.
"It's not even that cold," Hummer says, folding his arms and sitting on Wifies's desk. He's not making a great case for himself with the way he's shivering.
"Of course," WIfies agrees easily, "And you don't need a blanket."
"Nope," Hummer responds. He hops off the desk and stretches out on the floor.
A few minutes pass.
"Hey, Wifies?" Hummer breaks the silence.
"Yes?" Wifies mumbles.
"You were right."
Wifies rolls his eyes and moves over. "Get in."
Hummer huffs and crawls under the covers with him. Having two grown men- well, one grown man and an eldritch entity taking the form of one- share a bed isn't comfortable, but they make do. Wifies's elbow jabs at Hummer's ribs, and he brings his knee up as close to himself as he can.
"Hummer."
"Yes, Wifies?"
"Told you so."
"Good morning," Wifies's mom says as he comes down the stairs to see her cooking breakfast.
"Morning," he replies easily, sliding into a seat. "What are you making?"
"Omelets." With that, she slides one onto a plate and pushes it over to him. He takes it with a word of thanks.
"So, Wifies," she continues, "Would you like to tell me who slept in your room last night?"
Wifies freezes with his fork halfway to his mouth.
"Because," she says, walking around the counter to look at him, "when I opened your door this morning, you were sleeping on the very edge of your bed. And there was a second dent in your pillow. Care to explain?"
Wifies realizes, with mounting horror, that he had forgotten that Hummer was invisible. And if he told his mom that his boyfriend was over, she'd think Hummer was a bad person because he left without waking Wifies up.
Wifies's brain takes a moment to load, and when it does, he spits out the first excuse he can find. "A friend came over and had to leave early."
"Is it that boy you told me about?" his mom asks.
"No- no, that's my boyfriend. Hummer."
"And is your boyfriend also this friend that stayed over?"
Wifies shoves the piece of egg into his mouth and chews very slowly. He swallows.
"Mom," he says.
"Wifies," she returns, then gives him a look. The one that made him break instantly at three years old, thirteen years old, and twenty three years old.
At twenty-four, he folds instantly. "Yes."
His mom nods. "Okay, then. Y'know, I thought you were making him up for a long time."
"Of course you did," Wifies sighs. He takes another bite of his omelet.
"Do you two use protection?"
Wifies fucking chokes.
"Hi, Parrot," Wifies says as soon as he joins the call.
"Yo, Wifies," Parrot responds in kind. "How's everything going over there?"
"All right," Wifies says with a shrug. "My boyfriend came over for the holidays, though. He's right here, if you wanna meet him."
Parrot is silent for a moment.
"Parrot?"
"Wifies," Parrot says, "I don't think Hummer actually exists."
"Parrot-" Wifies sighs, ready to correct him.
"I mean," Parrot says, talking over him, "I've looked over some of the university websites for someone named Hummer, and there's nobody. Like- have you seen a therapist lately?"
"Parrot, I'm not insane," Wifies says, dropping his head onto the keyboard. A snort-laugh sounds from the corner of the room, and he looks up to glare at Hummer. "He's literally right here. I'll turn on my camera."
"Okay." Parrot still sounds a bit doubtful.
Wifies sighs and turns on his camera.
A loud spluttering sound explodes from Parrot's end of the call, presumably the sound of Parrot spitting out his drink.
"Hey," Hummer says, apparently fully visible and audible. "I'm Hummer. Did you say something about me not existing?"
Parrot leaves the call.
Wifies looks at his boyfriend, Hummer looks back, and they burst into laughter together.
"Good dog," Hummer says, backing away. Mochi glares at him from the doorway, keeping him trapped in the garden, then gives three sharp barks.
"Mochi, was it?"
A low growl is the only response.
Hummer slowly circles the fence, hand fumbling for the back door. Mochi yips threateningly. Then he starts howling. Like a wolf.
"Mochi," Wifies says, appearing in the doorway. Mochi looks up. "Sit."
Hummer breathes out a sigh of relief. "Wifies. Your dog is feral."
Wifies regards Mochi with mild interest. "So he is."
"He's locking me out," Hummer points out.
"Yes, he is." Wifies looks at him, unconcerned.
"Could you take him back inside?" Hummer begs.
"What's the magic word?" Wifies stares at him with unblinking eyes.
"Please. Take that demon spawn back inside."
Hummer swears he sees a shit-eating grin split Wifies's face in the brief second he bends down to pick Mochi up. The dog narrows his eyes and barks.
"What's that?" Wifies leans his ear closer. "You want to stay here?"
Mochi yips.
"Alright." Wifies puts Mochi down. "Have fun, Mochi."
"Wait, Wifies, we can talk about this-" Hummer protests.
"What do you have to say, Hummer?" Wifies has a mischievous glint in his eye that Hummer really, really doesn't like.
He inhales. "I'm very sorry for not telling you about being a supernatural entity that only you can see and hear."
"That's what I thought." Wifies picks Mochi back up and heads inside.
The things Hummer does for love. He needs more of that coffee.
"Who's that?"
One of Wifies's classmates, apparently, is bold enough to approach him while Hummer's in the bathroom, doing his best to figure out exactly how long a normal human takes to do their business. He has been gone for fifteen minutes. Wifies elects not to tell him.
"Who's who?" he replies as innocently as he can.
"The- the guy," his classmate says. "I've never seen him before. A friend?"
"My boyfriend." Wifies drinks his iced tea. "He's from California. Moved here recently."
The classmate chokes. "Your- boyfriend? I thought that wasn't- nevermind." He runs to the nearest trash can to spit out the drink in his mouth. Wifies observes with detached interest.
"Hey," Hummer says, apparently done faking a bathroom break. "What's your name?"
The classmate's eyes widen. "L- Liam."
"Nice to meet you." Hummer sticks his hand out for a handshake, then rethinks it and goes for a fist bump, before immediately course-correcting for a high-five. Liam stutters out a sentence about getting a call and runs as fast as he can.
"Nice guy," Hummer says, plopping into a chair. "Is he a friend?"
"Classmate. He's pretty chill," Wifies replies. He hides a grin as Hummer holds up his cup of iced tea as if that will help him figure out how to use a straw.
"Huh," Hummer says, deciding to rip the entire lid off. "At least he knows I exist now." He drinks the iced tea straight from the paper cup, earning a disgusted stare from the table over. Even the tea vendor's jaw drops slightly before she turns away to take another order.
Wifies sneaks a picture of Hummer and his drink. He can put it on the fridge as a cherished memory.
"Dude, put your phone away. We're on a date," Hummer says, pouring the last of the drink into his mouth. He licks his lips and sets the cup down.
"That's what you're concerned with?" Wifies says, exasperation dripping from his tone.
"Of course. They'll think we're on the verge of breaking up if you're on your phone," Hummer explains sagely.
It seems like Hummer has not yet discovered the existence of phone cameras. Wifies resolves to take advantage of this to get as many candids as he can.
"Come on," he says, tossing his cup in the recycling. "We've still got the park to hit up."