Work Text:
There was the sound of bells ringing. It meant a tsunami was coming.
Well, it was that time of the year, Feng Xin supposed, not that they really knew how much time had passed or what season it was exactly.
When determining the “time of the year,” all people did was look out the window. If the weather had been cold for a while and the days got shorter, it meant it was winter; if it was sunny and the days got longer, it was summer; and if the weather was rainy and windy, then it was the tsunami season.
Their island didn’t experience many disasters because of its distance from the mainland, but the massive earthquakes there always sent monstrous waves racing across the sea. Whenever that happened, the coastal lookouts would send people running through the towns, ringing bells and knocking on doors.
Even all the way out here, with their modest home isolated from the rest of the village, Feng Xin could hear those bells.
Judging that they had just started ringing meant they had exactly five hours before the tsunami hit. It was always five hours; the people here had timed it long ago.
Feng Xin reached for his makeshift sand clock and turned it over, watching the first grains of sand begin to fall. Five hours to pack, stash their things underground, and trek to safety.
This island wasn’t very big, but it did have a great range of diverse terrain and resources. For example, high up in the mountains, they had the forest area for wood and meat. Farther down, there was a flat area for building and good terrain for farming, though not many villagers dared farm during this hazardous season. Then they had the beaches and the ocean; this was where they got their main source of food, which was mainly fish and the like.
Feng Xin had once wondered why the villagers built on the flat terrain instead of settling permanently on higher ground, since tsunamis periodically destroyed their houses anyway. But the forest area was too high and rough for daily life, and since everyone depended on fishing and trade at sea, being close to the coast was a necessity. Not everyone was a skilled hunter, and even Feng Xin had a hard time hunting in these woods. The terrain was extremely uneven and dangerous.
Instead, the village used this unique system. Under every house was a storage area where the main supplies were kept. In the village tavern, for example, all liquor boxes and crates were kept below, and the drinks only brought up to be served. It was the same concept for domestic houses, which meant that every building on the coast was less than a year old, built out of simple materials in just a few days.
Some people made the underground area their main home, only sealing it tightly when the warnings came. Others built an underground space big enough to take their entire house apart, stashing the materials below to rebuild later. Yet, most villagers were attached to the idea of a normal-looking house, even if it was only temporary. Feng Xin supposed it was a cultural or sentimental thing.
Mu Qing had also insisted on keeping a normal house above ground. Feng Xin thought it was an absolute hassle. What a pain to disassemble everything, put it underground, and then, once the tsunami passed, take it all out again to build a brand new house.
But Feng Xin hadn’t wanted to argue with him back then; Mu Qing had just lost his leg. Which also meant the grueling physical labor of this "sentimental" choice fell entirely on Feng Xin's shoulders.
Looking at the sand trickling down the glass, Feng Xin started bringing all their things to the underground area. The bed and furniture were the hardest things to put away on his own, but Feng Xin didn’t really have anyone to help him.
Mu Qing had gone off on his own again to find work. Feng Xin wasn’t too sure where he had gone this time. Maybe the butcher’s shop? Yeah, that should be it. Though even if he were here, there wouldn’t be much he could do.
Having finished stashing the heavier stuff, Feng Xin began packing their backpacks for the long journey up the mountain.
There were three hours left now on the sand clock. It would take at least an hour to trek the mountain, two if you did it walking.
Mu Qing hadn’t come back yet, but Feng Xin figured the villagers must have helped him start trekking up the mountain. So, he decided to make his way there and find him at the safe spot.
There was already a trail of people when Feng Xin got to the main village area en route to the mountain. There were women and children with backpacks, men carrying wagons, and the few domestic animals they had being led up the mountain.
Feng Xin didn’t really know many people from the village; he and Mu Qing usually kept to themselves. It was only recently that he had taken up a job at the tavern, but besides his boss and a few coworkers, he hadn’t learned many names. So Feng Xin kept walking, ignoring most of the villagers who were busy striking up conversations with each other.
He was especially trying to avoid the women, so he pulled up his hoodie to hide his face.
Ever since he started working at the tavern, a few of the local women had tried to strike up conversations with him, which were more than just friendly. This always made him want to flee.
It was embarrassing to admit, but although he had had girlfriends in the past—honestly, just Jian Lan—women still unnerved him. He wasn’t sure what it was; he didn’t hold anything against the so-called fairer sex, but in any case he really didn't care for another woman's attention anyway; the only person he wanted that from was Mu Qing.
With that thought entering his mind, Feng Xin scanned the crowded area, looking for Mu Qing among the people as he made his trek up the mountain.
Feng Xin checked his clock again when they were halfway up—only two hours left.
There was still no sign of Mu Qing, but Feng Xin wasn't worried. There were so many villagers here; some of them had wagons pulled by horses and other cattle. Surely they would have picked him up if something had happened.
Then, Feng Xin caught sight of a man walking alongside an old wooden cart loaded with three large, squealing pigs. The cart was being pulled by a donkey that made the trek with difficulty but at a steady pace. There were other people hauling livestock up the mountain, but this man was the only one with a donkey; from what he had heard, this man must be the butcher.
As he watched him, Feng Xin was thankful that they hadn’t decided to raise any animals of their own. They were more trouble than they were worth, especially since he and Mu Qing knew how to hunt in the woods.
Getting a cow might be nice for the milk, but forcing a stubborn animal up this steep mountain every single year would be an absolute nightmare. If they ever had a craving for milk, they could always buy a jar from the villagers.
Feng Xin approached the man.
“Excuse me, sir? Are you the butcher?”
The man gave him a suspicious look. He was a mean-looking guy, short and beer-bellied, with a thick beard covering half of his face.
“What’s it to you?" the butcher barked. "If you're looking to score some free meat, get out of here! It’s hard enough dealing with this loud lot of pigs without some lazy brat begging for handouts.”
“Oh, no, nothing like that,” Feng Xin hurriedly explained. “It's just—my friend, Mu Qing? He came over to your shop looking for some work today. The guy with the crutches.”
“You mean that rude little bastard?” the butcher scoffed. “Sure, I know him. Came round asking for work, but he was missing a whole leg! What kind of labor could that cripple even do? I told him to fuck off the moment those damn bells started ringing.”
The moment Feng Xin heard the man talk, he knew he would be an unpleasant character, but the words that came out of him still surprised him. What a hateful, pathetic excuse for a human.
"Watch your fucking mouth," Feng Xin growled. He stepped closer, towering over the shorter man, desperately trying to contain his anger as he wanted nothing more than to knock that dumb look from the butcher’s face.
How dare he talk about Mu Qing like that? Leaving, as he said, a man who was “missing a whole leg” to fend for himself during a tsunami evacuation?
Feng Xin glanced down at the makeshift sand clock he had hung on his belt. The sand was steadily trickling away. If he wasted time fighting this miserable prick, he would lose precious minutes.
He swallowed his rage. “Where did he go?”
The butcher blinked, his mean sneer faltering for a second as he took in the sheer size and intensity of the young man in front of him. Still, he spat on the dirt, trying to look tough.
"How should I know? He went up the mountain trail like everyone else, hobbling along on those wooden sticks. Probably lagging way behind by now.”
Feng Xin turned to look down at the trail of people farther below who were making their way up. It was a long trail, but he didn’t see Mu Qing among them.
He must be farther below, Feng Xin thought. Surely he must be somewhere within that crowd.
Paying the butcher no more attention, Feng Xin turned on his heel and began his descent back down the mountain.
He scanned every face he passed, but to no avail—there was no sign of Mu Qing. So, he kept going farther and farther down. Eventually, he made it to the very end of the line. There were no more big crowds of people now, just a few stragglers who had lagged, slowly making their way up the mountain.
Where was he? Could it be that Mu Qing was actually farther up the trail? No, that didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t have moved further than the butcher’s wagon if they had both heard the bells at the same time.
Among the last of the people, there was a small group of women with a little wagon pulled by a cow. They didn’t have many belongings, so they were moving upwards at a steady pace.
Swallowing his fear, Feng Xin approached them.
“Excuse me, ladies?” he asked, trying to keep his voice natural and friendly so as not to spook them. “But would you happen to have seen a man missing a leg? A pretty man... black hair, using crutches?”
Once he had given the description, the faces on the women turned complicated, sharing glances with each other. With some hope, Feng Xin realized they knew something.
One of the women, who seemed to be the older of the group, scoffed, her warm features turning sour. "Ah, that one," she said, crossing her arms with a look of pure distaste. "Yes, we saw him. We felt bad for the poor lad and offered to let him sit in our wagon alongside the supplies so he wouldn't have to struggle. But instead of being grateful, the rude little bastard started cursing up a storm at us! Shouted that he didn't need our goddamn charity and told us to mind our own business.”
The younger woman next to her rolled her eyes, nodding in agreement. “He was incredibly nasty. After he finished yelling, he hobbled away from the main road. He said he’d rather take the lower shortcut through the ravine than look at our pitying faces. Honestly, after being treated like that, we didn't even bother to stop him or check if he made it. If he wants to be that stubborn, it's his own funeral.”
The women of the group started nodding in agreement, even muttering a few more comments about Mu Qing's character. It seemed he left quite the impression.
Feng Xin closed his eyes for a brief second, trying to contain the anger and the panic he was feeling. Mu Qing's pride had struck again, and now it was going to get him killed. I mean, look at this group of nice women saying that he had dug his own grave.
What exactly did you say that they hate you to such an extent? Mu Qing, you stupid son of a bitch!
"Where exactly did he veer off the main road from?" Feng Xin asked, forcing his voice to remain calm despite the dread he was feeling.
“Just over there, where that dead tree log is,” the older woman replied, pointing down the slope. Feng Xin looked over and could faintly see the outline of what she was describing, as she continued, “There’s a narrow path just after that that cuts straight down into the ravine. That path does lead to a shortcut, but that initial area is too low, young man. If the tide turns early, that ravine will flood in seconds. I wouldn’t risk it; that brat asked for this.”
Feng Xin looked down at the makeshift sand clock on his belt. The sand kept trickling away ruthlessly. There was only an hour and a half left.
If he ran, he might make it to Mu Qing in time, but he couldn’t take all the supplies with him—two backpacks worth of stuff would slow him down too much.
“Excuse me, but could I leave my stuff in your wagon?”
“Well, of course, but whatever for, young man?" the old woman asked, her tone turning deeply concerned. "You mustn’t go after him. My conscience couldn't bear the thought of a nice young man such as yourself drowning.”
The younger woman next to her stepped forward, shaking her head. “My mother is right. Don’t throw your life away for someone like that. It's suicide to go down there.”
"She's right, dear," another woman from the back chimed in. "That crippled brat chose his fate; such a person isn't worth your life.”
There were more and more comments sharing the same sentiment. The group of women pleaded earnestly with him not to go, repeating that it was simply too dangerous.
Feng Xin was a bit dumbstruck by the genuine concern these women were showing for his well-being. They didn’t know each other; Feng Xin hadn’t even shared his name with them. And besides, it was his choice to go after Mu Qing; whether he died or not, this had nothing to do with them.
Why were they showing concern for his life and not Mu Qing’s? Because he was nice and he was rude? Was a bad attitude really enough for them to shrug and stop giving a damn for a human life?
What horseshit logic was that!?
But he didn't have the time to argue with them.
"Thank you,” Feng Xin said as he quickly set down his things in the wagon. ”But I have to get going.”
Without waiting for a reply, Feng Xin turned his back on the group and sprinted in the direction of the dead tree log.
Behind him, the women’s protests faded into the distance as he got farther and farther away from the main trail, plunging deeper into the path that led into the ravine.
Feng Xin could see why Mu Qing had stubbornly thought he could make his way through this shortcut. The ravine itself was a low point that would flood quickly, but it was merely a path that led to another trail, a trail that led directly to the top of the mountain.
The main route to the mountain that most people were using was an easier path for carrying wagons and heavy supplies. It was a serpentine road that looped from side to side as it wound upward. But this path was steep and direct, without the looping around; Feng Xin estimated that reaching the top using this route would take about forty minutes, but it was a hard trek.
Mu Qing, carrying no supplies on his person, would have been perfectly capable of taking this path—the Mu Qing before the injury, that is. It would be impossible for him to make it to the top quickly enough with crutches and a missing leg.
After the dismissal from the butcher and the pitying looks from the group of women, Feng Xin assumed that Mu Qing’s pride had taken some heavy blows and that prideful bastard wanted to prove his worth– that he could still do things on his own. That he was still the same man he had been.
Fuck, Mu Qing! How could you be so stupid?
Feng Xin checked the clock again. An hour and fifteen minutes left. He needed to move quickly. Finding Mu Qing would only be half the battle; he still had to get them both up the mountain in time.
The inside of the ravine was dangerous, with sharp rocks, uneven terrain, and, not to mention, the water from the river flowing inside, which made everything extremely slippery. Feng Xin was running, careful not to trip, trying to get through the ravine as quickly as possible.
Mu Qing had to be close by; this area would be hard for him to get through. As he continued making his way through, Feng Xin noticed something. Left behind on a sharp rock was a splintered piece of wood. It was one of Mu Qing’s crutches; it must have snapped when he was passing through.
“MU QING,” Feng Xin shouted as he passed by the sharp rock deeper into the ravine.
He kept calling his name, shouting as he ran, but it was getting harder to move easily. The water seemed to be rising, the once calm river turning violent.
Feng Xin was starting to panic. One hour and five minutes left on the clock. He was running out of time; if he didn’t find Mu Qing soon, they would both drown. He couldn't believe this was happening again. They were supposed to be safe here; they were safe here, so why..? Why did Mu Qing have to do something so stupid? Why did no one stop him?
Why had no one cared to stop him?
Feng Xin took the clock in his hands, and the sand was falling and falling, ruthlessly sealing their fate, but then he heard something. The clatter of wood against rock and a voice cursing.
It was Mu Qing’s voice!
As if that sound had brought life back into him, Feng Xin sprinted in the direction of it. The sound of Mu Qing’s voice got louder as he approached him. He turned a corner, and there he was. That stupid man with the remaining crutch was trying to make his way through an uneven area, but failing as it got stuck again and again in the mud.
“Fuck, this stupid…shit! Worthless piece of garbage!”
For a millisecond, relief flooded Feng Xin, leaving him frozen in place. There he was, his stupid, idiotic lover. Even as he was covered in mud, his hair a mess and drenched, Feng Xin thought he was beautiful. He wanted nothing more than to go over there, hug and kiss him senseless. And then he remembered why Mu Qing was in that disarray of a state, hair a mess, covered in mud and drenched, and the murderous anger overtook him completely.
He was going to kill him.
“MU QING!” He shouted as he ran towards him.
Mu Qing flinched, his head snapping toward the sound of his name. When his eyes locked onto Feng Xin, his expression instantly contorted from pain into utter mortification and fury. He practically bared his teeth, tightening his grip on the remaining crutch as he tried to yank it free from the thick mud.
"What the hell are you doing here?!" Mu Qing hissed, his voice cracking slightly from exhaustion. He was leaning heavily against a wet rock wall to keep his balance on his single leg.
Feng Xin didn't answer him; that was a stupid question to answer. He didn’t stop running until he was looming right over him.
"Are you fucking insane?!" Feng Xin roared, reaching down, grabbing Mu Qing by the collar. “Why is it that I have to run all over looking for you all the time!? Are you trying to die? I wanna kill you right now, you piece of shit!”
"Let go of me!" Mu Qing snarled, violently slapping Feng Xin’s hands away, though his pale face betrayed how weak he actually was. He must have been in this ravine for hours.
“Shut up!” Feng Xin said, trying to regain some composure. He wanted nothing more than to throttle and curse at Mu Qing, but this wasn’t the time. He had to get them out of this mess first. “Just… okay, we have to make it to the top of the mountain, okay? So if you will just… fuck, okay, let me carry you and—”
“Carry me?” Mu Qing scoffed. “I don’t need your help! I can make it up this trail myself! See that rocky ledge up there? It leads straight to the direct path! I can make it by myself. I was almost there.”
Mu Qing pointed at the steep incline, but although he argued nonstop, Feng Xin only needed one look to see it would be completely impossible for Mu Qing to get up there on his own. You had to climb with both hands first to reach that path, and Mu Qing had one hand occupied with his remaining crutch. The only way to make it through there would be if Feng Xin carried him on his back.
Why couldn’t Mu Qing see that? Had he lost his goddamn mind?
Feng Xin took a deep breath. “We don’t have time for this. Just do what I say, okay? I can help you get there if you get on my back. I'll climb, and we can make it in time.”
But it seemed Mu Qing didn't want to be reasoned with at all, because he kept trying to force his way forward on his own, stubbornly refusing any help.
"I don't need your pity, Feng Xin! I can make it up this trail myself! I don't need you, and I certainly don't need you to carry me!”
They didn't have time for this. Feng Xin’s patience snapped. With a roar of pure frustration, he slammed his fist into the stone wall right next to Mu Qing’s head.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
Mu Qing flinched, his breath catching in his throat as he stared at Feng Xin's fist. It was starting to bleed strongly as he had slammed it directly onto a sharp rock edge. But Feng Xin didn’t even register the pain.
"Listen to me, you stubborn son of a bitch!" Feng Xin shouted, his voice angry, but there was a hint of shakiness from tears he refused to shed. He grabbed Mu Qing by the shoulders, hoping the contact would snap him to his senses. “I am not letting you drown in this fucking ditch just because your goddamn pride is too big for your own good! You are getting on my back right now, whether you like it or not!”
Mu Qing was silent now, his eyes completely glued to Feng Xin's damaged hand. He seemed to be in a trance as he looked at the injury. Impatient, Feng Xin shook him.
“Hey, no daydreaming! One hour left until we drown. You're getting on my back. Do. You. Understand?”
Mu Qing looked up at him. He seemed numb now, as if all the crazy arguments about going on his own had completely washed away, leaving behind a mere shell of a human being. Feng Xin was debating whether he should slap him back into consciousness. But finally, Mu Qing nodded, let go of his remaining crutch, and reached out to wrap his arms around Feng Xin's neck.
The wooden crutch cluttered uselessly against the rocks, and Feng Xin supposed it would soon be carried away by rising water. It would be the second pair of crutches lost, but that didn’t matter. He would gladly make another if they got out of this alive.
Feng Xin didn't waste another second. He crouched down, guiding Mu Qing’s weight onto his back and hooking his arms firmly under Mu Qing’s thighs, hoisting him up.
It would be hard to get up onto the shortcut’s path. There was a steep, rocky ledge right at the beginning that required climbing. To do so, Feng Xin needed his hands completely free to grip the stones, which meant Mu Qing had to do the work of staying on his back.
"Lock your arms around my neck," Feng Xin bit out, his voice strained. "And don't you dare let go.”
Mu Qing, for once, didn't argue. He wrapped his arms tightly around Feng Xin's neck, digging his fingers into his clothes and squeezing his remaining leg around Feng Xin’s waist with all the strength he had left.
He let go of his thighs, and with his now-free hands, Feng Xin began to climb. It wasn’t an easy climb; it was painful. Every time his damaged, bloody hand gripped the jagged stone for leverage, a white-hot flash of agony shot up his arm, but he completely ignored it. Feng Xin kept going as he drove his boots into the narrow ridges, using the sheer power of his thighs and knees to hoist both of their weights upward, step by agonizing step. He could feel the strength with which Mu Qing clung to his body as he made his way up.
With one final, explosive heave, Feng Xin threw his torso over the edge of the ledge, hauling them both onto the steady trail above.
They had passed the worst of the climb, but they weren’t safe yet. Without a moment's pause to catch his breath, Feng Xin locked his arms back under Mu Qing's thighs, secured his grip, and began to run uphill.
As he ran, his lungs burned, his muscles screamed, and his bleeding hand throbbed with agony, but none of it mattered. The only thing that existed in his world was the fragile weight of the man pressed against his back. Mu Qing seemed frozen, numb, his face buried against the crook of Feng Xin’s neck, his breathing shallow and cold.
Feng Xin tightened his grip under his thighs, making sure he wouldn’t slip. He loved this difficult, stubborn man too much to let the sea take him away. He was willing to run until his heart burst, all to bring Mu Qing to safety.
He also needed him alive because he was going to kill him later. But that was something for later. Right now, he just needed to make it to the safe point.
After running for god knows how long, they finally made it. It was starting to get dark, and it seemed they had been lucky because the tsunami was going to hit a bit later. This bought them the few minutes they needed to get back safely. Although Feng Xin didn't remember walking into the camp, it had all been a blur.
When he finally came to, he was slumped against a tree with Mu Qing in his arms. The other man had fallen asleep, but Feng Xin was still gripping him tightly against his chest, completely refusing to let go.
A lot of time couldn't have passed, because as Feng Xin looked at the horizon below, he saw the tsunami hit. The massive, towering wall of black water slammed into the coast with terrifying violence, crushing the docks, swallowing the paths they had just walked, and tearing down everything in its path until the lower half of the island was completely wiped out.
Feng Xin held Mu Qing even closer to his chest, closing his eyes as he pressed a desperate kiss against the top of his head, nuzzling into his hair.
That scene below could have been where Mu Qing died. He had almost lost him.
A broken gasp escaped his throat as pure relief rushed through his body, but he quickly muffled the sound. He didn't want to wake Mu Qing up.
Leaning his head back against the tree, he looked down at Mu Qing's face, studying his quiet features in the fading light. He carefully lifted his damaged, now bandaged hand (when had that happened?) and used his fingers to gently brush a few stray strands of black hair away from Mu Qing's forehead.
He looked peaceful; Mu Qing always did when he slept. It was such a precious expression to see on his face that Feng Xin commonly waited for him to fall asleep when he went to bed to marvel at it.
There were people all around them in the safe zone. It wasn’t a big camp after all; the leveled terrain one could find in this mountain was limited after all. Feng Xin could feel them all staring, whispering, and pointing at them, but he didn't give a single shit. He just kept holding Mu Qing as he watched the destruction unfold below.
I almost lost you.
That single thought terrified him. Something like this couldn’t happen again, but Feng Xin knew that he couldn’t be there for Mu Qing all the time. He had more responsibilities now with his job at the tavern, which left Mu Qing alone more than he would like.
Just what the hell am I going to do?
But before he could start losing his mind finding a solution to this new worry, Feng Xin heard footsteps approaching. He looked up and saw that it was the young woman from the group earlier.
She was holding the backpacks he had given them. Those backpacks held all the supplies Feng Xin had packed to wait out the tsunami: food, blankets, and a tent for the night. In all the excitement, he had forgotten about them completely.
It wouldn’t have surprised him to never have seen the backpacks again. When he stashed them in the wagon, he half expected them to get stolen. But thankfully, the group of women seemed to be honest people.
“Here you go, sir,” the young lady said as she set down the backpacks beside him. Feng Xin gave a nod in thanks, expecting the interaction to end there, but she didn’t leave.
Feng Xin eyed her warily as he held his sleeping lover. “Do you have something else to say?”
He watched the woman fidget in place before seeming to gather enough courage. “Pardon my intrusion, but if you don’t mind my asking, what is your relationship with that young man?”
Feng Xin debated whether to tell her a lie, but even if he did, it wouldn’t be believable. He was sitting under a tree, cradling a fully grown man in his arms. He couldn’t really say they were just friends. Besides, this woman seemed harmless enough, even if she had cursed his lover to die in that ravine.
“Lovers,” Feng Xin told her. “Have a problem with that?”
“Ah, no, no,” the woman hurriedly explained. “It’s nothing like that. It’s just… well, I feel ashamed of my earlier behavior. We didn’t know this man was that important to you.”
“Why the hell does that fucking matter?”
“What do you mean?”
“Would it have made a difference if you had known?” Feng Xin explained. “It’s not like we know each other. Why the fuck are you apologizing? You're the one who decided to let him go to his death.”
The woman remained silent for a moment. Feng Xin could see how it pained her to come up with a response; she was feeling guilty. But Feng Xin didn’t care much about her feelings; all he wanted was for her to go.
But this woman was more stubborn than she appeared. She didn't leave.
“I know that what I’m going to say won’t really excuse my attitude from earlier,” she began hesitantly, “but you have to understand how the world has changed. My family—my mother and my sisters—we aren’t originally from the island. We, too, came from the mainland. There, you could only afford to look after yourself. Sticking your neck out for people who may need help but don’t want it is suicide.”
Feng Xin’s expression darkened.“So that’s your excuse?” he said. “Someone’s clearly not in his right mind, and you all just look away?”
“When you don’t know him?” she countered. “Yes. I’m sorry, but yes. You’ve been on this island for nearly two years, both of you, and people barely know your names. At most, we have heard and seen you fighting; both of you really do fight a lot, so I’m a bit surprised at your relationship. But anyway, we’ve only just recently started seeing more of you after you got that job at the tavern. I went there once; I was curious to see you, one of the mysterious people so many gossip about. I expected you to suck, honestly, but you were good at the job and talking to customers, if only a little blunt.”
“The fuck?” Feng Xin replied, a bit taken aback that he had been spied on. He had thought the villagers had no interest in them, but apparently, the whole island had been sticking its nose into their business. “So you were watching us?”
“Of course, we have been watching you. Everyone on the island is trying to figure you out. We know a bit about you now, but… him?” Her gaze flickered toward Mu Qing. “All anyone knows about is his horrible reputation. He has also started asking for work, but aside from the obvious problems with his leg, who would hire him? Rolling his eyes at people, glares at anyone who looks at him the wrong way, and insults whoever offers help. Everyone knows him to be rude, vindictive, and prideful. Sure, maybe there’s more to him. But how were we supposed to know that?”
Feng Xin let out a humorless laugh. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe start by not letting him go into a ravine during a tsunami? He’s rude, fine. His mouth is awful, fine. He looks like he wants to stab every person who breathes too close to him, also fucking fine. But are you seriously telling me that’s enough reason to let him die? What kind of bullshit is that?”
She looked back at Feng Xin. Her gaze was no longer timid; it was steady, unwavering. “On the mainland, people died for being kind to the wrong stranger. You learn to keep to yourself. Even here on this island, those habits have stuck.”
“Why didn’t you stop him?”
“We did try to help him. He brushed us off.”
“And that was it?” Feng Xin snapped. “He tells you to leave him alone, so you just do? You saw his leg. You saw the fucking crutches. You knew he was taking that damn ravine. But you didn’t give a shit, did you? Not until I came back carrying him. And now you’re here, apologizing? Want me to forgive you? Give me a fucking break.”
Her mouth tightened. “I know how this must seem, but I had my own families to worry about. My mother is old, we couldn’t afford to delay–”
“Your mother?” Feng Xin interrupted, his voice cold. “Fine. Then tell me this. If she had been the one heading into that ravine, would you have let her go just because she was being difficult?”
The woman’s expression turned even colder, and Feng Xin couldn’t help but feel a bit of satisfaction at it. She had no business coming here asking for forgiveness, to try to ease her conscience. Feng Xin was angry and scared; he had been about to lose the only person left alive that he cared about. He had only managed to save him through dumb luck; he felt so out of control that it was nice to be able to blame someone, even if a voice in the back of his head told him it indeed wasn’t all her fault.
“No. Of course not. But that is exactly my point. She is my mother. He is not. I know that sounds cruel to you, but in the world we live in now, that difference matters. I can’t risk my life, or my family’s, on a man I do not know.”
Once she said that, Feng Xin didn’t know what to respond. It was true. He didn’t know why he was arguing about it with this young woman so much. This wasn’t her fault; it was all Mu Qing’s fault. If he had only accepted those women’s help, if only he hadn’t gone into that ravine. If he had come back home instead of going off on his own. Feng Xin wouldn’t have had to rescue him or suffer through the anguish of thinking that Mu Qing would drown.
Feng Xin looked down at the sleeping man in his arms. It was a wonder Mu Qing hadn’t woken up yet from all the screaming they had been doing. He must have been truly exhausted.
The young woman sighed, “Look, I get that he is important to you, and that what almost happened is just…unthinkable. That’s why I came here, I guess, besides dropping off your supplies.”
“What do you mean?” Feng Xin asked.
“I mean that I understand the desire to keep to yourself, but if this happens again, you’re going to need people looking out for you. Make friends with the people here. A lot of them have been on this island since the beginning. They’re good people.”
“And why would I care about that? I have to look out for him. You know what a mess he is. I’m sorry he was such a fucking bastard; he drives me crazy most of the time. He really hasn’t been the same since he…”
“Since you sawed off his leg?” she said. “Yeah, I heard about that. Everyone has, honestly.”
Fuck. What a bunch of nosy villagers.
“He used to be so different, you know?” Feng Xin smiled sadly as he reminisced. “He was still a bit prideful, sure, but… he smiled more. He was much less…ha. Never mind. It’s not like any of that matters now.”
“It doesn’t. Everyone has changed since Day Zero. Who we were before no longer matters.”
That was when Feng Xin took a better look at her. She was tall, with ordinary features, black hair, and brown eyes. But what surprised him was that, while her height made her look like a young woman, she was really only a girl. You could still see it in the baby fat on her face. She couldn’t have been older than fourteen, yet the way she carried herself was too mature for a child.
It was then that he realized that what she said before carried the weight of first-hand experience. This young girl must have changed so much as well for him to have mistaken her for an adult.
“I guess that’s true.” Feng Xin agreed. Who they were before truly didn’t matter; there weren’t that many who remembered who he had been either. There was only Mu Qing, but they themselves had changed too.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“It’s Feng Xin.”
“And he is Mu Qing, right?”
Feng Xin nodded.
“Okay, then. Feng Xin, I’ll look out for him. In return, if anything happens, you look out for us.”
“What do you mean?”
She laughed, her warm expression returning. “You need people to look after him, right? That’s why you make friends where you live. This community can be your greatest asset in taking care of him. Even if he is a rude bastard, if people know you and know that you care for him, they’ll look out for him too.”
“Like it’s that easy,” Feng Xin muttered to himself, doubtful.
She smiled. “Well, if I’m willing to do it, then why wouldn’t others be? Couldn’t hurt to try. Anyway, I’d better get back to my family. They’ll be wondering where I am.”
The girl began to turn to leave, but Feng Xin suddenly remembered something. “Wait! Ah, fuck, what was your name? I’m going to need it if I'm going to look out for you guys or…whatever.”
“Mei Niang,” she said with a small smile.
Feng Xin nodded in thanks and watched as she headed off into the trees, disappearing from view among the other villagers.
Feng Xin thought long and hard about what she had said as the night began to fall. He knew he couldn’t protect Mu Qing on his own forever. Mu Qing always seemed to find trouble one way or another, so maybe if Feng Xin made friends here, he would be safer.
The whole idea reminded him of how Xie Lian had always been. He had been kind and polite so naturally that, as a result, a lot of people had looked favorably on them. At least before Day Zero. Maybe Feng Xin could do the same thing Xie Lian used to do for them. For Mu Qing. It couldn’t hurt to try.
Maybe he could find more work at the docks? He had heard they always needed extra hands there. He wasn’t the most social guy, but surely being hardworking was a quality most people liked.
He looked down, sighing. “The things you make me do. You’re lucky I love you, you bastard.”
It was starting to get cold, and it was the perfect time to set up the tent, but he didn’t want to disturb Mu Qing, so instead he carefully rummaged through the backpack for a blanket and wrapped it around them both. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing, sleeping against a tree, but Mu Qing’s peaceful expression made the sacrifice worth it. Feng Xin would probably regret letting him sleep so comfortably when they started fighting again in the morning, but that was something he would worry about later.
Something he had learned by living with Mu Qing, by loving him, was that he had to be patient. He was still learning that—he wasn’t perfect, after all, and it was hard to keep his temper in check. He had spent the last few hours feeling nothing but raw anger and frustration.
But listening to Mu Qing’s soft, even breathing against his chest, Feng Xin finally let that anger fade away for the moment. He was alive. He could still chew him out tomorrow, and he was so fucking grateful for that.
Feng Xin leaned his head back against the rough bark, pulling the blanket a bit higher over Mu Qing’s shoulders to shield him from the wind. He could still hear the sound of the waves destroying everything below, but up here, safe under the dark sky, he finally let his eyes rest.
I haven’t lost you yet.