Chapter Text
"Hi. It was nice seeing you as well. I don't know, but things might have been moved along a little too quickly..
I know it's my fault, but I need time. I'm sorry."
Fredag 22:14
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“I’m going to make a movie about you.”
A lie.
“Can’t I just stay in here with you forever? – Can we do that?”
Another lie.
“You know that Sonja and I have been dating since we were like 15 or something, and I can tell we’re drifting further and further apart.”
Lies. Lies. Lies.
Isak couldn’t believe he had been played. And how smoothly.
"I have told Sonja about you, and we have decided to take a break.”
Complete and utter bullshit.
Even had played him and he knew it. He could still see it all, even with his eyes closed. Spotting Even at Emma’s party, the feeling was now bittersweet. How his heart had leaped against his ribs at first, happiness filling him for just a mere second before his eyes trailed to the girl beside him. Sonja.
Motherfucker. Asshole. Isak closed his eyes and saw it again, Even’s smile bright to match Sonja’s and his lean-in as she dragged him down in a kiss. The way Even’s eyes shut as he kissed her again and- Isak had turned away without realising. At least his body had been smart enough to stop himself from watching.
The feeling of betrayal was instant and it sparked a rage inside of him that flared beyond anything he had felt before. He shoved people as he tried to get away, one of them tripping over, which caused a loud crackling sound of breaking glass. He got cursed at, but all he could do was look behind him to see if it hadn’t caught Even’s attention. Please god, all Isak wanted was to walk away in shame without being noticed. And God had mercy on him that night.
He swiftly apologised before pushing further, needing air, needing space. Mostly just needing to be alone. His friends were waiting for him still, not aware of any of the shit that had been going on inside, and there was no way Isak could cover up his rage. He focused on pulling up his hood instead, trying to calm down enough for them not to get suspicious, “let’s get out of here.”
A chorus of, “what?”’s rose from the group and before Isak could even explain himself, come up with a lie, Mahdi opened his mouth. “He’s going to a family get-together, just let him leave.” Isak froze for a second, but it felt like much longer. All that went through his head was the rage he felt towards Even, the betrayal. He had fucked over his friends for a guy who had played him. He had explored parts of himself he had wanted to stay hidden, but couldn’t when he was around Even. The fact that Even had played him so easily scared the fuck out of him. Would he tell everyone, that Isak was into guys? Would he laugh at Isak’s silly comments, his parallel universe theory? Tell his friends that Isak was so easy, so fucking easy? Would it all come falling down?
He couldn’t take it anymore. He could feel the pain in every part of his body, the anger that overpowered it now bursting out. And his body turned around just like before, eyes setting on Mahdi and he shoved him back as hard as he could.
Mahdi didn’t fight back, he was staring at Isak in shock, as if he didn’t recognise him. And Isak didn’t recognise himself either. “Do you have to be so rude?” He spat, instantly regretting it. Isak gave another push, but Mahdi still didn’t fight back. Instead Jonas stepped in, “Hey! What the fuck is up with you?” He was frowning, genuinely worried and maybe a little angry too, “what’s happening?”
Isak could feel the guilt rising instantly, tears too close to the surface now. He tried to shake his head as he turned, unable to explain himself, and fled. He fled, rushing down the sidewalk. He wanted to scream, fight more, he wanted to cry. There wasn’t anyone to scream at, fight with, and cry for. So he walked around like a madman, feeling heartbreak over someone who probably didn’t care. He screamed into the quiet of the night, ripping leaves from their branches, kicking against the wheels of a car. All it did was make the tears come out as pain seemed to consume his heart. And when it did he fell to his knees, the landing causing him to bite his tongue, and cried.
He sat there until his knees were as cold as the tears on his cheeks and he felt exhausted, drained from everything. The anger had seeped away slowly and now all that was left were the embarrassment and pain he felt. The guilt towards his friends. He pushed himself up, hearing laughter in the distance as people made their way home from the party. Fuck their happiness, fuck Even’s happiness. Fuck it all.
Unlocking the door took a minute with the way his hands were shaking, but eventually he managed. He looked for shoes, but only found Linn's, which he was thankful for. He closed the door, took off his own shoes and hung up his coat like he always did. Like he didn’t feel like an entirely different person than he had done before he had left. His throat was dry and he stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water. The memories of Even lingered there and it was picking between thinking of lies and thinking of reality at this point, and neither were good. Either he chose to keep his eyes open and thought about the way they had almost kissed right there at the sink, or he closed his eyes and remembered the betrayal he had just seen. Both hurt him.
He downed the water and got out of there as soon as he could, but getting to his bedroom wasn’t any different. He shouldn’t have let Even in so easily, because now he was everywhere and Isak couldn’t escape him. He wiped his cheeks to get them dry as he walked to the bed and fell down, head first into a pillow. He curled up on his side and wrapped himself into the blanket, not even bothering to get undressed. He felt exhausted and closed his eyes, ready to fall asleep and forget about this all, but God was doing being merciful.
Even, so beautiful and kind, holding him closely to his chest as they talked about life. Even, laughing and pressing kisses to his head while playing with his hair. Even, softly humming along to the tune of ‘The World is Your’ by Nas. Even, kissing him. Even.
His smell brought fresh tears to his eyes as more memories were drained of happiness, of love and trust. Isak buried his nose further into the pillow as he let it all happen. He squeezed his eyelids shut a little tighter, not wanting to cry again, not wanting to be weak.
Had he done something wrong? Had he said something to make Even back off? He didn’t understand how Even could be with him, saying all those things to him, only to go back to Sonja straight after. Was he not enough? Was he something to play with on the side? Had he just misinterpreted and was Even not looking for a relationship with him? No matter what he thought could be the cause, it didn’t make sense to him.
He sat up abruptly, the anger back in his veins, and grabbed the pillow tightly. He wanted to tear it to pieces, to put up a picture of Even’s face and throw the pillow at it as hard as he could. God, did he want to smash something. Instead he started changing the sheets. The pillowcase, the covers, everything. He stripped down his bed and threw the dirty sheets in a pile in the far corner. He kicked off his shoes and crawled into his bare bed. Even’s presence was no longer there, the pain slowly fading away again as he sunk into restless sleep.
In the morning he would deal with the demons left behind, he would deal with his broken heart. He would deal with the lies and the bullshit. Maybe in the morning he could deal with Even.