Work Text:
Tony and May, his Aunt and his Father, he loved them both, so dearly, but why must they torture him like this, I mean seriously, Aunt hottie, and she just giggles whenever he calls her that, she’s even gone far enough to call him iron sexy, its disgusting, humiliating, and they just never stop, even though I’ve insisted, and insisted, on telling them to just stop, but they never do, its like theyre doing this on purpose, knowing them, they probably are
~~~~~2 weeks earlier~~~~~
“May you love embarrassing Peter, right?” Tony asks.
“Oh, course I do, what parent wouldn’t” she responds, a grin at her face knowing that Tony was up to something.
“I have a plan, he already knows I call you Aunt Hottie, he hates it, we’ll start off by you giggling at the name, then you’ll come up with your own nickname for me, eventually we’ll keep on getting to more and more sexualized names that he’ll be embarrassed when he’s around us” Tony states, a massive grin on his face.
“Im in Iron Sexy” May responds and Tony just responds.
~~~~~Present time~~~~~
“Peter don’t be late, Iron Sexy’s waiting for you” I hear Aunt May call.
“Please stop calling him that, I really don’t need to think of my mentor like that” I respond with a groan.
“Whatever, just hurry you ass up before he comes over here himself” she adds on, and I soon get into Happy’s car.
“Hey happy” I greet him.
“Hey kid, what the matter, you look upset” he asks, a questioning look on his face.
“Its Aunt May and Tony, she now calls him Iron Sexy, and now she giggles whenever he calls her Aunt Hottie, I swear im dying right now” and Happy just chuckles, already informed of the plan.
“Good luck kid” and with that theyre off to the tower, at the tower, Peter meets up with Tony.
“Hey Mr. Stark” he greets cheerfully.
“Hey kid, how’s your flaming hot Aunt doing” he asks with a grin.
“Oh my gosh, stop, ugh, I can’t stand you two, another nickname, really” I groan, then I turn around to a new voice that wasn’t there a second ago.
“Yeah tony, this is weird, plus your married to me, you two have gotten all romantic around me, if id known any better id say your having an affair” and with that Pepper turns on her heals and walks out confidently.
“Shit” Tony mumbles, and with that he runs after her, leaving me all alone, thinking about what Pepper said, could they really be having an affair? Moments later Tony and Pepper both returned, Pepper doing an excellent job of hiding her laughter with a cheerful smile, and Tony sighing with relief, seeing what was happening.
The next time another new nickname came, it was from Aunt May, 2 weeks later.
“So, Peter, how was your weekend stay at the Playboys house, him and his hot face were nice to you right?” she asks, a hint of humor in her eyes, and I just groaned, Tony kept calling Aunt May his Faling Hot Aunt, and he really didn’t need any more of this kind of stuff, especially from May too.
“Just stop, Ughh, disgusting, why are you like this” I groan and with that im out the room.
Another nickname dropped 5 weeks after that incident, by none other than Tiny Stank himself.
“Hey Pete, I hear you and snack #5 were out last week to go clothes shopping” and with that I stopped, turning around very slowly, looking at him then bolting to my room, quickly putting on my suit and slinging away, there was no way that they would have an affair, he went all the way to Neds, knocking on the window it opened.
“Hey dude, I actually just got a new Lego Star Wars box, and I was wondering if you wanted to do it with me, it has 5876 pieces” he says excitedly.
“Hey Ned, sure, but we gotta talk about something” and with that Ned looks a little disappointed “Hey, it’s nothing bad, well I think it is, but not for you or me, well maybe for me, but nothing bad about me” and with that Ned looks a little happier, a bit skeptical though, soon he explained everything to Ned.
“So basically, you think your aunt and your father are having an affair” MJ sums up, she arrived after they invited her, she didn’t help with the Lego’s more so for the drama.
“Yeah, I don’t know what to do, I mean I did kind of run away from him after he called her snack #5, I just hope he apologizes after I go back and they stop the nicknames” and they all sigh.
The worst was to come when 1 month after Tony called May snack #5.
“Hey Petey, how Mr. 11 inch doing, I hope he’s having a real good time if you know what I mean” and she winked, he immediately ran away again, calling a meeting at Neds between the three, telling them about what happened.
“Ok, this is too far, your gonna have to confront them, and I am so gonna kill that supposedly right-minded billionaire” MJ snarls.
“No please don’t kill him, brutally traumatizing and scarring will be good enough” and they all laughed, after that he started avoiding May, leaving his room only through the fire escape and never talking to her at dinner, she thought it was just teenage hormones and not that she was the cause of it, but the now very thin string snapped at the latest nickname from Tony.
“Whats up shorter me, how’s c-cup hottie doing” and this time Peter didn’t even look at him, he just ran to Ned and MJ again, MJ was sure she would kill him now, even with ed and Peter both trying to stop her, she got the three of them to the tower and they walked past security and right up to Mr. Stark, who was currently discussing plans with May about how they can embarrass him even more.
MJ shrieked and practically lunging at him, luckily being held back by Peter and Ned, barely, Tony looked terrified.
“YOUR WORTHLESS SCUM, SHE’S HIS AUNT FOR FUCKS SAKE, DID YOU EVER EVEN SEEM TO THINK ABOUT THE POSSIBLE REPERCUSSIONS THAT WOULD TAKE PLACE” she growled and Tony looked like he was trying not to laugh.
He tried to cut in but it was cut off by MJ.
“MY FRIEND, FOR THE PAST 8 DAYS HAS BEEN COMING OVER TO BOTH OF OUR HOUSES RATHER THAN THE TOWER OR HIS APARTMENT, THOUGH HE’D NEVER ADMIT THIS IVE CAUGHT HIM CRYING, CRYING STARK, IN THE BATHROOM, I GET YOUR QUITE THE MAN-WHORE(credit to my friend who gave me that curse) BUT YOUR OWN INTERNS AUNT, HIS ONLY FAMILY LEFT, AND DON’T YOU DARE SAY YOU’RE HIS FAMILY, BECAUSE YOUR GODDAMN NOT ANYMORE, THE MENTAL BREAKDOWNS, THE FEAR IN HIS EYES, THE TIMES HE’S HAD TO HOLD BACK TEARS BECAUSE HE’S NEAR US, AND YOU JUST GO WILLY NILLY, FUCKING WHOEVER YOU PLEASE BECAUSE YOU CAN, YOUR NEVER SEEING PETER AGAIN” and with that MJ now, drags the 2 of them, still in shock, out of the room, and brings her back to her house, sitting in silence Peter breaks it
“Thanks MJ, really, thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me” and with that he breaks down, crying into MJ’s shoulder as she comforts him, Ned eventually joining in on the other side of Peter and wrapping him up in a hug, meanwhile Tony Stark is having a huge ‘rethink all your life choices’ talk with himself, he’s been pacing the same area back and fourth for 10 minutes, mumbling to himself.
“How stupid you are Stark, you couldn’t even notice the pain your own kid was dealing with, and you were the one causing the pain” and suddenly he got up, tracking Peter’s location he couldn’t find it, makes sense, Ned was the second best hacker in the world (next to him of course) so instead he opts out to find where that MJ girl lives, finally he finds it and goes there, he rings the doorbell and MJ answers.
“no” she says calmly, then she closes the door on his face, he waits 5 minutes before knocking again, this time Ned opens it.
He’s cut off by Ned.
“you’re a shitty dude, like a really, really shitty dude, normally I would be fanboying over you right now but your hurt my friend, my best friend for that matter, no apologies needed, none will be taken, now do I need to call the police for trespassing?” he asks, and the fact that he remained so calm is what made Tony so guilty.
“just let me see Peter please, I can clear this all up, I promise” and right before Ned slams the door on his face, he hear a web shooter pull the door back open, taking that as Peter wants him he walks in, he notices MJ by the kitchen sharpening a butcher knife staring right at him with a gun next to the sink, Ned on the other hand went and sat by his computer, the screen was in view and on it was a code that would delete everything of SI, no returning from the damage that would be done if he hit enter
“Speak” it was Peters voice, though as much as he tried to act intimidating, his voice wabbled, and he also was under twenty blankets and pillows surrounding him, he looked like he was in a nest, kind of adorable.
“Peter, I am so sorry, I never meant for it to go this far, I just wanted to embarrass you, it was all my fault, none of your aunts, I recommended we did this, she just agreed, listen we never got busy or anything like that, I knew how much you hated the Aunt Hottie thing, so I wanted to say nicknames that would embarrass you even further, look, I know you might want to never talk to me again, or even see me, but I wanted you to know im sorry” he finished, Neds hand a bit farther from the computer and MJ was close to putting the knife down
“I cried so much, you don’t understand, you never will, it hard for me to forgive you, but I do believe that your sorry, I wont be returning for a while, weather I stay at my friends’ houses or I live on the streets, but I wont be coming back for at least a week, you really hurt me, goodbye Mr. Stark, and with that there was no room for debate, little did he know but he’d already been long forgiven and another plan was put into place, one that would make him regret ever doing this in the first place