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The noodles were, by all accounts, exceptional.
Zhongli had chosen this particular restaurant for its adherence to traditional hand-pulled techniques (a dying art, he had explained at length to the waiter, who had not asked) and he was savoring each bite with quiet, dignified contentment.
The door did not open so much as slam against the wall.
"YOU'RE DATING MY SISTER?!"
His peace, it seemed, would be short-lived.
Every head in the restaurant turned.
Zhongli looked up from his noodles.
Venti stood in the doorway, breathless, hair windswept, wearing a Mondstadt Music Academy hoodie, face livid.
Zhongli was on his feet in three seconds.
He crossed the restaurant in four strides, caught Venti by the hoodie before he could get a second wind, pulled out his wallet, dropped three bills on the table without counting them, and had them both out the door in under ten seconds.
The remaining diners sat in perfect silence.
He didn't stop walking until they were three blocks away, around a corner, in the parking lot of a closed hardware store where absolutely no one could overhear them.
He released Venti's hoodie.
Venti spun on him immediately.
"Explain," he said, jabbing a finger at Zhongli's chest. "Right now. Full explanation. I want receipts."
"Venti..."
"My COUSIN," Venti said, voice climbing, "sends me a photo in the family group chat. Do you know what the photo is?"
"I assume..."
"It's YOU. Walking through the farmer's market. With a WOMAN. Holding PRODUCE. Laughing." He said 'laughing' like it was a war crime. "And my cousin says 'hey isn't that your ex?' And I say 'yeah that's Zhongli, so what?' And she says..." He stopped. Took a breath. "'That's Zibai.'"
Zhongli went very still.
"And I say," Venti continued, voice getting higher, "’What do you mean that's Zibai? Zibai's been gone for like eighteen years, we don't even know if she's...' And my cousin sends me ANOTHER photo. Closer. And it's HER. It's my SISTER. Who I thought was maybe DEAD. Or at least GONE. And she's buying TOMATOES with my EX-HUSBAND."
"Which cousin brought this to your attention?"
"What? That's not..."
"Because if it was Furina, I should point out that she has always been rather fond of... sharing information. And her husband has never particularly cared for me, largely due to his views on proper financial planning, which I maintain are..."
"STOP trying to change the subject. Zibai is my SISTER, Zhongli!"
"You never mentioned a sister"
"I have TWELVE siblings, I can't mention ALL of them!" Venti threw his hands up. "And she's been GONE! She left after... after everything with Mom, and we couldn't find her, and I thought..." He stopped. His jaw tightened. "It doesn't matter. The point is: why are you DATING her?!"
"I..." Zhongli straightened his collar. "I was unaware of the connection."
"How do you DATE someone for..." Venti squinted at him. "How long have you been dating her?"
"Three months."
"THREE MONTHS! How do you date someone for three months and not know they're your ex-husband's sister?!"
"She never mentioned you!"
"Did YOU mention ME?!"
"Why would I..." Zhongli stopped. "We've been divorced for three years, Venti. It seemed... not relevant to bring up."
"Not relevant?" Venti stared at him. "Zhongli. You were married. For sixteen years. You have a twenty-year-old son. And you thought 'eh, probably doesn't need to come up'?!"
"Xiao is an adult, the marriage ended amicably..."
"We got divorced because our accountant sat us down, cried, and said our combined spending habits were making her go insane!"
"Her composure lacked resilience, but her mathematics were flawless."
"THE POINT IS," Venti said, louder, "you don't just NOT MENTION having an ex-husband and a kid! That's like... that's DATE ONE information! 'Hi, I'm Zhongli, I like tea and history and oh yeah I was married for sixteen years and have a son in college!'"
"I genuinely did not think it was pertinent to..."
"And now you're dating my SISTER. My sister who I haven't seen in EIGHTEEN YEARS. My sister who doesn't know I got married OR divorced OR had a kid!" Venti threw his hands up. "Do you see how this is a PROBLEM?"
"I was not aware of the connection..."
"THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER, ZHONGLI!"
A car pulled into the parking lot, saw them, and pulled back out.
Across town, in the library, Xiao was supposed to be studying for his Literature midterm.
He was three paragraphs into an essay about narrative structures when his phone started buzzing.
He ignored it.
It buzzed again.
And again.
He looked at the screen.
[Mom - 6:47 PM]: little finch are you busy
[Mom - 6:47 PM]: actually doesnt matter
[Mom - 6:48 PM]: can you come to the old hardware store on fifth
[Mom - 6:48 PM]: the closed one
[Mom - 6:48 PM]: i need you to tell your father something
[Mom - 6:49 PM]: bring your mediator face
Xiao stared at his phone.
He looked at his textbook.
He looked at the three other students in his study group, who were peacefully highlighting and taking notes like their parents were normal people who had normal breakups and moved on like adults.
He packed up his stuff.
"Family emergency," he said flatly.
"Oh no, is everyone okay?" one of them asked.
"No," Xiao said, and left.
He knew that texting pattern. That rapid-fire, no-punctuation spiral. He'd known it since he was seventeen, since his parents sat him down three months before graduation and told him they were getting divorced, since he'd spent his entire senior year and first two years of college being the emotional Switzerland of their ongoing Cold War.
He walked the six blocks to the hardware store with slow, weight-bearing exhaustion.
He rounded the corner into the parking lot.
Venti saw him first. "XIAO. Thank Barbatos. Tell him."
"Tell him what."
"Tell him he should have TOLD her! About us! About you!"
Xiao looked at his father, standing there in his expensive coat looking like he'd been caught doing something he very much should not have been doing. Then at his mother, vibrating with righteous fury.
Then at the closed hardware store sign, which had nothing useful to offer.
"What," he said, in a voice completely drained of surprise, "is happening."
"Your father," Venti said, "is dating my sister."
Xiao stared at him.
Then at Zhongli.
Then at the asphalt.
"Mom," he said slowly.
"I KNOW," Venti said.
"You have a sister."
"Twelve siblings, you know this..."
"I know you have siblings. You didn't mention..." Xiao stopped. Looked at Zhongli. "Dad. You're dating his sister."
"As I have told your mother, I was not previously aware of the connection," Zhongli said, trying for dignity and failing.
"Ms. Zibai," Xiao said. "The woman you introduced me to last month. At the café."
"Yes."
"You said she was..." Xiao paused, remembering. "You said she was 'someone you'd been spending time with.'"
Zhongli was quiet.
"You didn't say girlfriend. You didn't say..." Xiao looked at him. "You just said 'this is Xiao' and I said nice to meet you and we talked about poetry. We even exchanged numbers. "
"It seemed premature to define the relationship at that juncture..."
"Dad, you've been dating for three months."
"Yes, but..."
"And you didn't mention being divorced. With a son. Who she then MET."
Venti made a triumphant noise. "See? XIAO gets it."
Xiao looked at his mother, then back at his father. "Mom's right. That's... that's really weird, Dad."
"Thank you!" Venti said.
Zhongli looked faintly mortified.
And then Xiao's brain finished its background calculation.
"Wait," he said slowly. "She's your sister. Which makes her my..."
"Aunt," Venti confirmed.
"I called her Ms. Zibai. I had tea with my aunt and called her Ms. Zibai."
"Technically you didn't know..."
"And Dad..." Xiao's voice had gone very quiet. "If you keep dating her... If you marry her..."
"...Don't," Venti said, sensing danger.
"She'd be my stepmother. And my aunt."
Silence.
"Are you going to have kids with her?"
Venti's head snapped toward Zhongli. "Are you WHAT."
"We have not discussed..." Zhongli started.
"Dad. Yes or no."
"The relationship is still quite new..."
"THAT'S NOT A NO!" shouted Venti.
Xiao sat down on the curb.
"Oh no," Venti said immediately, sitting down next to him. "Little finch, we don't... that's just hypothetical."
"I'm going to have siblings," Xiao said to the parking lot. "I'm twenty and I'm going to have infant siblings who are also my cousins."
"We don't KNOW that..." Venti's hand went to Xiao's hair, automatic and soothing.
They sat quietly for a moment.
"...How could I not see it?" Xiao said. "Ms. Zibai looks like Grandma."
Venti went very still.
His hand paused in Xiao's hair.
"That she does," he said laughing softly. “Don’t tell her that, though”
They sat there for a moment longer.
Zhongli cleared his throat. "...Xiao. I can assure you, I have no intention of having more children."
Xiao looked up at him.
Venti looked up at him.
"At my age, it would be impractical," Zhongli continued. "You are my son. I have no desire to..."
"Okay," Xiao said slowly. "So... you're going to break up with her?"
Zhongli blinked. "I... no. Why would I break up with her?"
Silence.
"I'm sorry," Venti said, very carefully. "You're going to KEEP dating my sister?"
Zhongli kept quiet.
"...Zhongli."
"...I fail to see the issue," he said slowly. "I've just assured Xiao that there will be no additional children, which was his primary concern..."
"The PRIMARY CONCERN," Venti said, voice climbing, "is that she's my SISTER."
"Technically, she is not blood-related to you."
The parking lot went very, very quiet.
"What," Venti said.
"You were adopted into the family," Zhongli said, with calm rationality. "Therefore, while Zibai is your sister in a familial sense, there is no actual blood relation that would make this inappropriate..."
"ZHONGLI."
"I am simply stating that from a technical standpoint..."
"Do NOT give me a technical standpoint right now!"
"Furthermore," Zhongli continued, because apparently he had a death wish, "Zibai is a remarkable woman. She is intelligent, perceptive, well-read. We share similar interests in history and classical philosophy. Her approach to mindfulness practices has been genuinely enlightening, and I find her company quite..."
"STOP TALKING."
"I am merely explaining that this is a meaningful connection that I do not intend to discard simply because of a coincidental familial..."
"COINCIDENTAL?!"
“DAD!”
"Poor word choice," Zhongli amended, with a cough. "But my point stands. You and Zibai are not blood relatives, and while I understand this is unexpected, I see no logical reason why..."
"You see no LOGICAL REASON?!" Venti was on his feet. "She's my SISTER! She's been my sister for FORTY YEARS! The fact that I was adopted doesn't make her LESS my sister!"
"I did not mean to imply..."
"And you're going to KEEP dating her?! After ALL of this?!"
"I don't see why I should end a relationship that has been genuinely fulfilling simply because..."
"BECAUSE SHE'S MY SISTER!"
"You are being emotional about this..."
"OF COURSE I'M BEING EMOTIONAL! YOU'RE DATING MY SISTER! My sister who I thought was GONE! Who I just found out is ALIVE! And now I have to find out she's dating my EX-HUSBAND who apparently thinks it's FINE because we're not 'technically blood related'?!"
"When you phrase it that way, it sounds..."
"IT SOUNDS INSANE BECAUSE IT IS INSANE!"
"I am simply trying to approach this rationally..."
"RATIONAL?! You want RATIONAL?! Rationally, you should have told her you were divorced with a kid on the FIRST DATE! Rationally, you should have mentioned 'hey, I used to be married to someone, let me tell you about him!' Rationally, when you found out she was my SISTER, you should have said 'this is complicated, we should talk about this' not 'well TECHNICALLY you're adopted so it's FINE'!"
Xiao pulled out his phone.
He started typing.
"Venti, you are overreacting..."
"I AM NOT OVERREACTING!"
"If you would simply calm down and consider this logically..."
"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!"
Xiao hit send.
[Xiao to Ms. Zibai - 8:06 PM]: Ms. Zibai, there is a developing situation. I am attempting to manage it. Please do not be alarmed. - Xiao
He looked at his parents, still yelling at each other.
"...and might I add," Zhongli was saying, "I find it quite hypocritical that you are lecturing me on appropriate relationships when I have refrained from commenting on your ongoing involvement with Diluc Ragnvindr."
The parking lot went dead silent for a second time.
"THAT IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!" Venti shrieked. "DILUC ISN'T YOUR BROTHER!"
"Wait," Xiao said, staring at his mother. "Mom. Are you dating Uncle Diluc?"
"It is the principle of the matter," Zhongli said, adjusting his tie. "He has poured my tea with hostility and makes co-parenting unnecessarily tense, yet I maintain my composure..."
"You're making co-parenting tense right now!" Venti yelled, before pivoting sharply to his son. "Xiao. Give me your phone."
"What? No."
Venti crossed his arms, giving Xiao that unyielding stare of a mother who was officially done. "Phone. Now. I'm not asking again.”
Xiao handed it over without another word.
Venti aggressively tapped the screen. "I am texting Zibai."
"Mom," Xiao said, his voice quiet but heavy with exhaustion. He stepped slightly into Venti's line of sight. "Please. Just take a breath. Don't ambush her. You're furious, and she doesn't even know what's going on."
Venti stopped typing. He looked up, ready to argue. But meeting Xiao's tired eyes, the righteous anger seemed to drain right out of his shoulders. His posture slumped slightly, and his expression softened.
"I'm not going to yell at her, little finch," Venti said, his voice finally losing its sharp edge. "I promise. But... I thought she was gone forever. I have to see her. Tonight."
Xiao studied him for a long moment, evaluating the promise. Finally, he gave a small, defeated sigh. "Okay. We should go, then."
"Yeah," Venti said, slipping Xiao's phone into his own pocket. "Come on."
He turned back to Zhongli. The softness vanished instantly, replaced by absolute steel. He pointed a finger squarely at his ex-husband's chest. "We are going to talk to Zibai. And YOU are going to stay AWAY until we figure this out."
"Venti..."
"I mean it, Zhongli."
And with that, Venti put his hand on Xiao's shoulder and steered him toward the sidewalk, leaving Zhongli standing alone in the hardware store parking lot.
Somewhere across town, Zibai was in her apartment, finishing her evening meditation, when her phone lit up.
She glanced at the screen. A text from Xiao, the polite, quiet college student she had assumed was Zhongli's nephew when they'd had tea a few weeks ago.
[Xiao - 8:06 PM]: Ms. Zibai, there is a developing situation. I am attempting to manage it. Please do not be alarmed. - Xiao
She frowned. A developing situation?
Before she could even begin to process that, another text arrived from the exact same number.
[Xiao - 8:08 PM]: ZIBAI. STAY WHERE YOU ARE. DO NOT TALK TO ZHONGLI. I'M COMING OVER. WE NEED TO TALK. - Venti
Zibai stared at the screen.
Venti?
Another message popped up.
[Xiao - 8:09 PM]: Also are you okay? You could have called. Did you think we didn't want to hear from you? - Venti
She stood in her living room, holding her phone, looking at all three messages.
Venti. The second-youngest of twelve. Her little brother. Who she hadn't seen or spoken to in eighteen years.
He was alive. He'd found her.
And he was aggressively using Xiao's phone.
She looked at the messages again, her sharp mind working to connect the dots. How did Venti know Xiao? For that matter, what kind of "developing situation" would cause her long-lost brother to commandeer the phone of Zhongli's nephew just to demand she stay put?
Her mind raced through the possibilities, none of them making logical sense.
"Oh no," she said softly.
She put the kettle on.
Got out the good tea.
Then the expensive tea.
Then she just put the entire tea collection on the counter and sat down at her kitchen table.
Her brother was on his way, and whatever chaotic web of connections had brought him to Xiao's phone, it was going to be an absolute headache to unravel.
This was going to be complicated.
The knock on the door didn't sound like a knock. It sounded like a flock of very angry, very rhythmic birds throwing themselves against the wood.
Zibai calmly walked over and unlocked the deadbolt.
She didn't even get the door fully open before a blur of green and blue slammed into her.
"YOU'RE ALIVE!"
Venti collided with her like a missile, wrapping his arms around her neck so tightly she actually took a step back. For a second, the sheer force of it knocked the breath out of her. But then she looked down at the mop of dark hair, felt the familiar, frantic energy she hadn't felt in nearly two decades, and a genuine, warm smile broke across her face.
She hugged him back, resting her chin on his head. "Hello, Venti. It is incredibly good to see you."
"I missed you so much," Venti muffled into her shoulder, sounding like he was genuinely on the verge of tears. "We thought you were dead! Or lost! Or worse!"
Suddenly, Venti pushed himself back, gripping her by the shoulders. The tears vanished, instantly replaced by the furious wrath of a hurricane.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?! I AM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU!"
Zibai blinked. "Well. It is a somewhat complicated story."
"COMPLICATED?! Where did you even go after that massive fight with Mom?! Were you kidnapped?! Did you join a cult? Are you in witness protection?!"
"No," Zibai said smoothly, stepping aside to let him in. She noted, with mild confusion, that Xiao, was standing in the hallway behind him, looking like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. "Come in, both of you. I have tea."
"I DON'T WANT TEA, I WANT ANSWERS!" Venti marched into the apartment. "Where have you BEEN?!"
"Initially?" Zibai walked to the kitchen counter. "Jail."
Venti stopped dead in his tracks.
Xiao, who had just closed the front door, froze.
"You went to jail?" Venti squeaked, his voice pitching high.
"It was a very passionate protest," Zibai explained calmly, pouring hot water into the teapot. "My roommates and I had strong philosophical disagreements with the local authorities. It got somewhat out of hand. I ended up involuntarily relocated by the state for about fourteen months."
Venti stared at her. "You went to federal prison because you went to a *protest*?!"
"It was county, actually, but yes," Zibai said, setting out three cups. "By the time I got out, I was entirely off the grid. And then... well. A few years passed while I got back on my feet."
"And you didn't think to call us?!"
"Venti, you must understand social etiquette," Zibai said reasonably, carrying the tray to the coffee table. "After three years of zero contact, a sudden phone call feels abrupt. Then it was five years, and at that point, calling to say 'Hello, sorry I missed five Christmases, I was incarcerated' felt incredibly impolite."
Xiao slowly sat down on the armchair. "...You procrastinated calling your family for eighteen years because you thought it would be rude?"
"Precisely," Zibai said, offering him a cup of green tea. She looked between the two of them, her brow furrowing slightly. "Which brings me to my question. Xiao, it is lovely to see you again, but why exactly is my brother using your phone? I was unaware you knew each other."
Venti inhaled sharply. The relief of the reunion had officially worn off, and the original mission had returned to the forefront of his mind.
Then, he exhaled, the remaining tension leaving his shoulders. He looked at his sister with wide, earnest eyes.
"Zibai, I want to be very clear. I am not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. You didn't know."
Zibai paused, her teacup halfway to her mouth. "Didn't know what?"
"I just need to know," Venti said, his voice trembling slightly, "why you are dating my ex-husband."
Zibai lowered her cup. She looked at Venti. Then at Xiao. Then back at Venti. "What on earth are you talking about?"
"Zhongli!" Venti threw his hands up. "Furina sent a picture of you two at the farmer's market to the family group chat!"
Zibai's expression cleared slightly. "Ah, Furina. She still likes to gossip?"
"Oh, you have no idea," Venti said, rolling his eyes. "But that is not the point! The point is that you are buying produce with the man I was married to for sixteen years!"
Zibai went completely still. Her eyes slowly moved to the armchair.
Xiao had slid so far down into the cushions he was practically horizontal. He had one arm draped over his eyes, looking like he was actively praying for the floorboards to open up and swallow him whole.
"Wait," Zibai said, her voice laced with sudden horror. "If Zhongli was your husband... Xiao…?"
"I birthed him," Venti confirmed proudly.
"Oh my god," Zibai breathed. She set her teacup down with a loud clatter. She looked at the boy on the armchair. "Xiao, I am so incredibly sorry. When he introduced us, I assumed you were his nephew! He never corrected me!"
"It's fine," Xiao muttered from under his arm. "I just want to pass away quietly."
Zibai turned back to Venti, looking genuinely appalled. "Venti, I swear to you, I had absolutely no idea. If I had known he was your ex-husband, or that he had a family with you, I would never have agreed to go to dinner with him. I am so sorry."
"It is okay," Venti said, patting her hand. "He should have told you! He stood in a parking lot a couple hours ago and told Xiao you have been dating for three months!"
Zibai blinked.
She blinked again.
"Venti," she said slowly.
"Yes?"
"Zhongli and I went on exactly four dates."
Venti paused. "But..."
"I broke up with him six weeks ago."
The apartment went completely, utterly silent.
Xiao moved his arm off his eyes.
"You what," Venti whispered.
"I told him I was too busy with my projects to date," Zibai explained, looking thoroughly bewildered. "I told him we could just be friends and occasionally get tea. Why does he think we are still dating?"
Venti stared at her for three solid seconds.
And then he started to laugh.
It started as a small snort, bubbling up from his chest, and quickly devolved into full-blown, hysterical laughter. He doubled over on the couch, clutching his stomach, tears pricking the corners of his eyes as the sheer absurdity of his ex-husband's utter lack of social awareness washed over him.
"He doesn't know!" Venti gasped out, slapping his knee. "He defended your honor in a hardware store parking lot, and he doesn't even know he's single!"
Xiao dragged a hand down his face, letting out a long, suffering groan. "By Rex fucking Lapis."
"Language, dear," Venti wheezed, not stopping his hysterical laughter for a single second. He wiped a tear from his eye. "I just... I cannot believe this blockhead!"
The next morning at exactly ten o'clock, Zhongli knocked on Zibai's door.
He was holding a very expensive, very apologetic bouquet of glaze lilies. He had spent the entire night constructing a foolproof argument to present to her, detailing exactly why their relationship was perfectly acceptable despite Venti's dramatics.
Zibai opened the door, accepted the flowers with a polite smile, invited him in, and poured him a cup of freshly brewed oolong.
She sat across from him and folded her hands on the table.
"Zhongli," she said warmly, "I asked you over this morning because I think we might have had a little mix-up."
Zhongli paused, his teacup hovering an inch from his mouth. "…A mix-up?"
"Yes," Zibai continued, her tone gentle but direct. "Six weeks ago, at the botanical gardens. I told you that you were a very interesting man, and I really enjoyed spending time with you. But I also told you I was incredibly busy with my projects, I didn't have time for dating, and that I would just like to get tea sometimes."
Zhongli went completely still.
His mind, usually a fortress of unshakeable logic, briefly flatlined.
I really don't have the time for dating. He had interpreted that as a temporary scheduling conflict to be meticulously worked around. I'd still love to get tea sometimes. He had assumed that was the foundation of a slow, courtly romance.
She had been breaking up with him.
For a month and a half, he had been buying produce with his ex-husband's sister, introducing her to his son, and passionately defending their relationship, all while she thought they were just friends.
Zhongli set his teacup down.
He pulled upon his most serene, unbothered expression, and looked Zibai directly in the eye.
"Ah," Zhongli said, his voice entirely steady. "Yes. The botanical gardens."
"I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page," Zibai said gently. "Since Venti seemed very confused about us yesterday."
"I assure you, there was no confusion on my end," Zhongli lied, calmly "I simply believed that, given the chaotic nature of yesterday's encounter, Venti might misinterpret our ongoing platonic tea schedule as a continuation of our romantic relationship. I was merely defending our right to associate as friends."
Zibai looked at him. She noted the rigidly perfect posture. The slight, white-knuckled grip he had on his own knee.
She was a very smart woman. She knew he was lying through his teeth.
But she also knew he was a proud man who had just survived what was likely the most embarrassing realization of his adult life.
"Of course," Zibai agreed graciously, choosing mercy. "I appreciate you defending my honor, platonic as it is. So, we are perfectly fine just being friends, then?"
"We have been just friends for six weeks," Zhongli agreed smoothly, taking a very slow sip of his tea. "Exactly as discussed."
"Excellent," Zibai said, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "Now, would you like to hear about the time I went to county jail for protesting?"
Zhongli choked on his tea. She really was Venti's sister, indeed.