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“Neil, my man, my guy,” Matt said with a wide grin, “Do I have a surprise for you.”
Neil wasn’t totally sure he liked surprises. But this was Matt, and Matt was always good. So, he asked, “What is it?”
“This.” He said, with a proud finality, setting a large bag on the counter. Neil caught a glimpse of colorfully designed plastic containers inside it. It didn’t actually answer his question at all, but Neil found himself amused anyway.
“You went shopping?”
“Heck yeah, I went shopping. Check out what I got.” Matt dug around and pulled one of the containers out. It was a yellow box with a cartoony design and logo that was mostly covered by Matt’s hand. “They’re beginners kits for crocheting! I thought, since you’ve been knitting, we could try these together. I want to understand the hype.”
“Kitting is… different than crocheting,” Neil said, unsure. He hadn’t tried crocheting yet, had jumped straight to knitting, and liked the challenge enough that he hadn’t looked for other options. But he’d heard they were different. Matt set the box in front of Neil, undeterred. It boasted a white bunny crochet kit for beginners, with a cartoon bunny smiling on it. Cute.
“Yeah, that’s why I got the beginner kits, man. I’ve heard they’re pretty different, but you seem to like the knitting thing, so I thought we could try this too. See if it’s also cool.” Matt said, taking out more of the boxes and setting them on the counter. There was a whole array of colors and animals. He smiled winningly at Neil, “We can figure it out together, make a bunch of them.”
Together. Neil gently touched the first box Matt had presented. It was solid. Real.
He’d never been given a gift like this before. Hadn’t really ever been given gifts except a phone and a key and a home. But those were desperate things he clung to, his first taste of hope and safety. And they were big things, special things that Neil held close to his chest where nobody could take them away ever again.
But this gift was different. This wasn’t for a reason or survival; it was just for fun. Matt wanted to spend time with Neil; had picked this specifically because it was something he thought Neil might like. Of everything and everyone Matt could have chosen to spend his day with, he chose Neil. Thought of him and made it happen. With a thing that Neil enjoyed doing.
Matt cared.
Neil wasn’t sure what to say. His mom would have called Neil’s new hobby frivolous and a waste of time and money. Wouldn’t have even been an option to try it and Neil wouldn’t have ever dared to ask. She would have said ‘friends’ were pointless and a risk and would eventually stab him in the back. She would have told him that nobody cared about Neil, except to hurt him, that nobody would want someone like him in their lives.
But Matt wanted to figure it out together, encouraged him to learn more. Went out of his way to spend time with Neil. He’d noticed Neil liked something and had gone out of his way to find something similar they could share because Matt liked doing things with him. He bought it, planned for it, invited Neil into it. He prioritized Neil, and did so without a second thought.
Neil thought, maybe, this was a gift of a key and a home all over again, just in a different sort way.
“Neil?”
He couldn’t look away from the little cartoon bunny. Was having trouble wrapping his mind around it. Neil was wanted. Neil had stayed somewhere long enough that people knew him now. He was accepted for exactly who he was and what he enjoyed doing, even if it didn’t have use. People cared about him and wanted to be involved in his life. It hit him all over again that Neil was allowed to have wants and needs and now he had a whole life to explore them. It made him a bit dizzy. “Mhm.”
“Is that okay? I know its a little different."
Was it okay that Matt cared about Neil? That he was willing to put in time and effort and money to share things with Neil? Was it okay that he chose Neil and was happy just to spend time with him? Was it okay that Matt thought of him and accepted him and wanted Neil to be happy too?
Was it okay for Neil to be happy?
‘Okay’ was an understatement. Neil wanted every single bit of that. “Yes, yes.”
“Cool,” Matt paused, to give Neil a moment, then pushed on, “I got you this one. I mean, I got a bunch for us to try, obviously, but this one is specifically for you. See? It’s a fox.”
Matt handed him a box, with a design of an orange crocheted fox on the outside. He clutched it close, chest aching. His, picked specially for him. Felt possessive of it. Protective. It was Matt’s care and friendship personified. Wondered if this might be a taste of what Nicky and Dan felt when he gave them their sweaters. Something fragile and strong, like grief, but good. “Thank you.”
“Sure,” Matt said, like it wasn’t a very big deal. It was. It was a big deal. He dug through the bags, pulling out other colorful options, “I got enough so we can make one for everyone on the team, don’t think I haven’t noticed you working your way through everyone with your own projects.”
“I’m… halfway through yours.” Neil admitted, because he wanted Matt to know.
“Really? Mine? Dude, awesome, I can’t wait. What is it? Wait! No, don’t tell me, I want it to be a surprise.” Matt was grinning, wide and happy, “It’ll be great whatever it is.”
Neil smiled back, amazed by the confidence and excitement. He was going to make sure Matt’s sweater was perfect. And he was going to crochet small animals with Matt for the team.
“Can I…” Neil wasn’t sure he could ask for more, this was already so much, too good. But he did anyway. Was starting to learn, slowly, that asking for things he wanted was okay. Even if it was a no, it was still okay to ask, because he had people like Matt and Andrew who never judged him. Touched his finger on the first one: a white bunny. “I want to make the rabbit one for Andrew.”
Matt gave him an amused smile, sounded skeptical, “The bunny? For Andrew? You sure?”
Neil rather thought he’d like it. He called Neil a rabbit enough, “Yeah.”
Matt laughed, “Alright man, if you say so.”
“He’ll like it.” Neil brought the bunny container closer, imagining Andrew’s flat, unimpressed expression. Smiled, “It’s perfect.”
“Let's figure out who should get what.” Matt nodded, nudging some of the other containers toward Neil. “Then we can get started on making them!”
They sorted the options after some debate and then started on them. Neil opened his fox first, because he wanted to practice and make sure he was doing it right before doing anyone elses. And maybe a little bit because he was excited to have it in his hands.
Crochet was different; only used one needle, which was strange, but it was lot simpler once he got going. The instructions were pretty clear, and if he made a mistake, it was a lot easier to correct. The small toys were a different experience from making clothes, but in a new and interesting way. It took a few hours to finish his first one, but he eventually had a little fox done. It was wonderful, perfect. His, picked by Matt.
"Done." He showed Matt, proud, "I like it."
"What? Awesome, dude, it's adorable." Matt said, sincerely. Neil nodded in agreement as Matt asked, "So? Thoughts on crochet?"
"It's good. Different than knitting, but still fun." He wondered if the patterns would be different for each animal; what other skills he might learn. "I like the animals." He liked spending time with Matt.
Matt smiled at him, "I'm glad, man! It's actually pretty fun, I totally see the appeal. And it's weirdly complicated? Does knitting require this much focus?"
"I think so. At least at first." It was starting to feel automatic to Neil, which he liked. It felt good to know how to do things and to be able to settle into the familiar motions of it.
“Like, why is it so tiny?” Matt muttered, still working on his first animal, which he held close to his face. It looked about halfway done, “I’m doing… does this look right?”
Neil leaned over to eye the instructions and Matt’s progress, “I think so.”
“I think my hands are too big. Or this stick is too small.” Matt grinned at him, unbothered by these facts, “Okay, consider: a project big enough you’d be able to use an exy stick to do it.”
Neil considered that, amused, “What would you even be making?”
“A massive blanket, obviously.” Matt said, squinting at his creation and working the needle precisely, “So we could all have a big sleepover.”
He liked the idea of it. Hadn’t made a blanket yet, but wondered if he might be able to make one for someone. A project for later; for now, he wanted to start on the little crocheted rabbit. And then work on finishing Matt’s sweater.
He spent the whole day with Matt, pausing for snacks and to play music or a movie as they worked. They slowly accumulated a small gathering of animals, one for each team member, hand-selected and created. The more they made, the more energized Neil felt.
As they worked, Matt talked about Dan how things were going with them. Told Neil about his assignments, Exy, and a funny movie he just watched. And Neil soaked it all in, content to be someone Matt felt comfortable sharing things with. Happy to hear about his thoughts and day.
And Neil told Matt about learning Russian with Andrew, and his knitting, and how night practice with Kevin was going. Matt nodded along and asked good questions. Made Neil feel heard. Like his words had meaning despite holding limited importance for anyone except Neil.
They crocheted and talked and Neil thought he'd rarely felt better outside of Exy and spending time with Andrew. It took nearly the whole day; they got faster as they worked, but the animals still took time, and Neil was in no rush to end the day. He slowed his progress as they neared the end; enjoying it too much to want it to come to an end. But eventually, all the little animals were made. Matt made a happy noise as he looked at them all.
"Now the fun part." Matt leaned into Neil's space with a grin, "Gifting them!"
Neil already thought they were doing the fun part. But he nodded in agreement, "Andrew first."
Matt laughed, "Alright, man, Andrew first."
“Drew,” Neil said, feeling content and pleased and excited. Like he’d just won a hard game, but without the physical exhaustion. “I made something for you.”
Andrew turned toward him, mouth turning down when he noticed the little white crocheted bunny. “What.”
“It’s a rabbit.”
“It’s pointless.”
“It’s cute.” Neil argued, because it was. He held it eye-level in the palm of his hand. Mindful of Matt, who was watching shamelessly, he switched to German, “Because you call me a rabbit. It’s to remind you of me.”
The frown deepened, but he responded in German as well, “I don’t need a reminder.” Translation: I think of you a lot already.
Neil started to smile, pleased and thrilled despite Andrew glaring harder at him. He drew the rabbit closer to himself and switched back to English, “So, you don’t want it?”
“I hate you.” Andrew said, taking the little bunny. He didn't sound upset by this at all. He rolled it between his fingers, “What am I supposed to do with it?”
“It’s completely useless.” Neil said, sort of amazed by that. He didn’t grow up with trinkets, with things that didn’t have purpose. Certainly, had not been given cute, comforting things. Would bet Andrew didn’t have much of that either. Having things like this was a luxury and a liability… But having the option of it was something Neil still marveled at. He smiled slyly, “It’s… nothing.”
Nothing like Neil. Nothing like their relationship. Nothing, to them, meant everything.
Andrew sighed slowly, glare softening. His fingers tightened around the bunny, possessive and wanting. His eyes lifted to meet Neil’s and held an interesting intensity, “Thank you.”
“You like it?”
“…Yes.”
Neil showed him the little fox he’d made. His. The one Matt picked out for him. A charming, comforting little fox. Made with a friend who cared that Neil liked to knit and wanted to learn how to crochet with him. It was, frankly, a marvel. “I have one too.”
“We made a bunch.” Matt agreed, jumping in, “One for everyone!”
“But I made the rabbit for you.” Neil said, pointedly. It felt important to reiterate, “And Matt said the fox was for me.”
“Totally is, it matches your hair.” Matt agreed, reaching out to ruffle Neil’s hair playfully. “I have the dog, look how cute this thing is.”
Andrew looked less than impressed, but he did look. His tone was flat, “Great.”
“And Kevin got a bee, because he’s the "queen" bee, get it? Neil managed to make a little crown and put it on, see?” Matt was bringing out all their little creations, “Nicky got a unicorn, mostly because it came with rainbow colors and that would match the sweater Neil made him. Dan, a teddy bear, because she’s mama bear, all protective of her team but also very cuddly—”
“I don’t care.” Andrew said lightly, but his attention was still captured, eyes trailing after each one to take them in.
Matt ignored him, “Renee I thought would fit the bunny, but Neil was pretty insistent that one go to you.”
Neil nodded, proud of that.
“So, she got a little lamb instead, see?”
“I don’t care.” Andrew said more pointedly. But he didn’t leave. And his hand still held the bunny like he might fight anyone who took it from him. Neil knew better; Andrew might appear uninterested, but he was enjoying this show-and-tell.
“Aaron gets an owl because he’s smart.” Matt paused, glanced at Neil, “And because when I asked which one should go to Aaron, Neil said, ‘who?’”
Neil grinned widely, and Andrew’s eyes crinkled at the corners in amusement. He drawled a low, German, “Brutal.”
“Last but not least, Allison! She got a penguin, because she’s a bit of an ice queen, I mean that in the best way possible. But also, because they’re her favorite animal.”
“I made yours.” Neil said, because that felt important too, “Mine, Nicky’s, Kevin’s, and Renee’s. And the owl.”
“Neil’s fast. We learned together, because crocheting’s different than knitting, you know? But he’s just as good at it.” Matt said, “I made the others. Much slower. I got big hands and theres super tiny details in these, dude. But Neil helped.”
“Great.” Andrew drawled.
Matt glanced at Neil, uncertain if Andrew was really over this or not. Neil leaned closer to Andrew and said, “I like them. Do you think we should make one for Wymack? Or Abby? I could make another bee for Dobson.”
Andrew turned to him, “You don’t like her.”
“No.” Neil eyed the fox, the rabbit Andrew held. Thought about how happy Nicky was to get something from Neil. How much it meant to Neil that Matt shared this with him. “But I could teach you, and you could make it for her.”
A pause; Neil had thrown Andrew on that one. He finally said, “…Knitting is yours.”
“I don’t own it.” Neil said, “Also, this is crocheting. Totally different, right Matt?”
“Totally different.” Matt agreed, despite never knitting before.
Andrew stared at him for a long time, long enough that Matt shifted restlessly and glanced between the two of them. Neil waited him out, and was rewarded with a low, acceptance in German, “It can’t be too hard, if Matt can do it.”
Translation: yes.
Neil bubbled with joy, but kept it in. Barely.
“I finished yours,” Neil told Matt, a few days later. He had to get more yarn; Matt was one of the biggest builds they had on the team and Neil wanted the sweater to be comfortable and loose, just like Dan’s was on her. But he’d gotten the same color and brand so there was no evidence of it.
Neil felt happier than normal about finishing it, because he knew now what it meant to receive a gift from someone. To know that others cared about him and that he cared in return. To have someone put time and effort into you when they didn’t need to.
He gave it to Matt, feeling particularly excited. Matt was already grinning before he even saw the sweater, but he lit up when Neil unfolded it to show him.
“Neil! It’s just like Dan’s!” Matt grinned, grabbing the sweater and lifting it up, “It's perfect. I love it.”
"Pink is okay?"
"Pink is amazing ." He stripped his shirt off and pulled the sweater on right where he was. It fit perfectly, and Matt gave himself a hug, “Oh, it’s so cozy! No wonder everyone wears theres so much!”
Neil grinned at him as Matt’s arms wrapped around him tightly, lifting him off the ground. Neil got a face-full of pink sweater and sort of enjoyed it, “Good?”
“Good? Great!” Matt told him, “Thanks man. Really. I... nobody's ever done something like this for me before."
Neil knew how that felt, he nodded, "It's okay. I'm. It's good, I like making them. And chroetchting together too."
Matt softened his smile, "Me too. Hey, will you— does Dan know that we’re matching?”
“Not yet.”
“Oh, man. Oh, man, lets go tell her, she'll love it too. I want a picture together.” Matt shooed him toward the door, “Come on, you gotta see too.”
Neil let Matt herd him out toward the girls' dorm, and grinned when Dan saw the sweater and lit up. She said, “No way.”
“Way.”
Dan made an excited sound, “Hold on, wait, I’ll put mine on! Neil! I can’t believe you!” She raised her voice as she went back into her dorm to get her sweater.
Matt exchanged a delighted look with Neil, “Best gift ever.”
Neil was pretty sure a day of crochet and a small fox set on his desk was a pretty good gift. He thought the key he wore under his shirt was a pretty amazing gift. Thought it was sort of strange to have his creations even considered to be as special as those things.
Dan bounced out of her room, grinning in her own sweater. "We're matching. Neil, you planned this?"
"I did." He said, "I thought you might like it?"
"We love it." Matt said, "Right, Dan?"
"Right." She hugged Matt, "This is part of Neil's secret plan to take down the patriarchy."
Matt hugged her back, "I'm cool with that. Neil, will you take our picture?"
"I don't have a camera."
"With your phone, Neil."
"...I don't have my phone."
Matt snorted, and Dan said, "We'll use my camera, we can print it out and hang it in the locker room. We should have evidence of Neil's creations there, and I want everyone to be jealous."
Dan got her camera, and Neil clicked their picture. He didn't like his picture taken, old instincts died hard. But was pleased about the idea of his creations being on that board. It would be proof that Neil was real and existed and made a difference in people's lives. And that those people made a difference in his life, too.
He watched Dan and Matt grinning over the picture and felt warm, like he was the one with a sweater on. It was good. it was all good.
Andrew hadn’t fully considered what it might mean for Neil to teach him to crochet.
Slow hand movements, the drag of yarn over scarred skin. Neil’s low, soft instructions in his ear. Confident in his words and motions. Andrew was… distracted. He’d committed the crochet pattern to memory long ago, on one of the first few times Neil had shown him the stitches and how to make a chain. The instructions for the tiny bee were not difficult.
But he resisted. His hands weren’t made for making things. It was far more interesting to watch the twist of Neil’s wrist, the controlled flick of his fingers, wrapped around chunky yarn, and the quiet confidence of Neil talking to him while still crocheting. He’d gathered a new color, said something about the unique size of it that Andrew didn’t understand. It was clearly a different yarn than normal, something thick and soft. Butter yellow. Andrew guessed he was making a blanket, judging by the shape.
He’d worked his way through a week’s worth of it before Andrew even got started on the bee. Found crocheting to be monotonous and wasn’t a fan of having his hands occupied. It felt fiddly. It wasn’t bad, just not half as interesting as when Neil did it; he preferred watching Neil rather than participating. But he’d finish the bee for Bee. She'd like it, and it would surprise her, which was hard to do nowadays.
Neil, next to him, was relaxed and practically buzzing with contentment. He had found something he cared about, a fraction of peace, and offered to share that. Andrew wanted to experience a little of what made Neil tick.
He made another stitch and said, “You like this.”
“I do.” Neil agreed, glancing at Andrew’s slow progress. Pursed his lips in a fraction of worry, “I can finish it, if you don’t?”
“I’ll do it.” He said, because he wanted to finish it. Wasn’t one to give up once he made a commitment. He wanted to see the pride on Neil’s face when Andrew was done. Wondered if it would be reminiscent of when Andrew shut out a game. Awed and reverent, like Andrew was something special. Like Andrew had given Neil a reason to stay all over again. Or if he'd be bubbling with excitement like he had been after he and Matt made the small animals for everyone. If his eyes would dance with joy like they did when he gave Andrew the rabbit.
A stupid, foolish part of him wanted to share this with Neil. The same part that had him reaching for his hat and sweater over and over. The same part that had him trying in games now, just to see Neil’s pride. The same part that had the ridiculous crocheted bunny under his pillow to touch before he fell asleep and after he woke.
Neil accepted that quietly, never one to argue when Andrew decided things. He stitched, watched Neil make four-five-six stitches, and completed another row of the blanket. “Who?”
“Who?” Neil repeated, looking up at Andrew. His hands didn’t stop despite his focus being elsewhere. It was unfairly interesting. Andrew hated it, couldn’t look away. “Who’s this for?”
“Mmhm.”
“Oh.” Neil’s hands slowed, fingers still tangled in buttery yellow yarn, “Um. I was thinking for Bee.”
Andrew’s attention jumped from Neil’s hands to his eyes. He’d only ever made items for the direct team: Andrew, Nicky, Dan, Aaron, Matt. Never someone outside of his makeshift family. And Bee was certainly outside of it; Neil barely spoke to her. Neil hated the idea of a therapist.
Andrew wasn’t one to repeat things, but this bore importance. “The blanket is for Bee?”
“Yeah. It matches your bee. They go together.”
“You don’t like her.”
“I don’t like therapists…” Neil hedged. “But she’s important to you. And that means a lot to me. You like to give her trinkets, and I thought… As a thank you for caring about you and being there for you, she deserves something good, and I want to do that. Should I not?”
Andrew knew if he said no, Neil would unravel the blanket and make something else. Would erase a weeks’ worth of hard work or maybe gift it to another person instead. But Andrew wouldn’t say no, because it would be a lie. Bee would adore the blanket, would likely leave it in her office, and it would be a reminder every time Andrew came to sessions that Neil was there, too. A silent backdrop of comfort, growing his family to include Bee, just because she was important to Andrew.
Neil’s blanket would offer comfort to hundreds of athletes that came to her office. Unintentionally providing them a safe home to land when the world got too hard.
A legacy of comfort, after Neil’s dark start to life. Stupid, soft Neil. How could Andrew deny that?
“She’ll like it.”
Neil granted him a slow smile, read between the lines like he always did. His hands resumed crocheting, wrist twisting, chunky material dragging through his fingers. Had seen those hands beaten bloody and scared. Had seen them on the Exy court, using a heavy racket and straining Neil’s arm muscles. Had seen them against Andrew’s skin, dragging and slow, and holding on. He watched them softly, confidently loop the chunky yarn. Wanted. Andrew set his barely started bee down on the coffee table, “Neil. Yes or no?”
His hands slowed to a pause, eyes lifting to meet Andrew’s. Interest sparked in his eyes, “Yes.”
Andrew waited, patiently, for the blanket to be properly set aside and Neil's hands to be free before he pulled Neil in for a kiss. He trailed down, mouthing at Neil’s neck, finding his rapid pulse.
Neil exhaled and it was a breathy laugh, “Feels good.”
Andrew saw the way his fingers clenched, wanting but holding back. He wanted to ruin him, “You can touch.”
Neil did.
“What’s this?” Bee’s voice lifted in a happy surprise when Andrew set the finished bee on her desk.
“A bee, Bee.” He said, watching her smile.
“I love it, its darling. Where did you pick this one up? I didn’t think you were traveling.”
“No.” He said, sitting down on the couch. At his feet was a large bag that contained Neil’s gift, too. “Glass is for travel. I made this.”
She met his eyes, a bright look in them. She looked delighted: it was sickening. But she was surprised by it, and that had been Andrew’s goal. “You made this? Did Neil teach you?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you, Andrew. It's wonderful.”
“Neil made you something, too.” He said, because she’d obviously seen the large bag, and Andrew wasn’t one to beat around the bush. He set the bag on her desk, but she didn't open it yet.
“Did he?” Bee let that sit between them for a long moment, sobering. “Neil has been making things for people he cares for. I was under the impression that meant the team?"
Neil had explained it to Andrew, but it felt hollow to explain it again now. Neil had a way of doing that, saying stupid things and filling it with meaning. He kept quiet, turning the words and sentiment over to figure out how to say it to Bee correctly.
After a moment of silence, she pulled the blanket out of the bag. It unfolded, and Bee made a soft, happy sound. The blanket was a thing made for comfort; large chunky loops made of a soft butter yellow yarn. Andrew had felt it, it was as soft as it looked. Had a bit of weight to it, was something you could dig your fingers into and ground yourself with.
“Wow. This is a big gift.” She said, meeting Andrew’s eyes. He saw the weight of it there. Bee understood this wasn’t a casual thing.
“I don’t choose what he makes.”
“Certainly not.” She ran her hands over it, “It's delightful, I feel honored actually. Would you tell him thank you for me?”
Maybe. He didn’t think Neil did it for 'thank yous.' Doubted he’d appreciate a thank you from Bee anyway. And he already knew Andrew’s thoughts on it.
“What is this like?” She said, “Neil means a lot to you, and he’s been making these gifts for people he cares about. It seems he’s extended that to people that have meaning for you too?”
“He said...you deserve good things because you’ve helped me.”
“I appreciate that.” She said, meaningfully, honestly. “But that doesn’t tell me what that means for you.”
“He asked me if it was okay first.”
“And you said yes.” She assumed, patting the blanket.
“Clearly.” Andrew said, “Neil… cares.”
“Is that so strange?” She asked, “You have other people who care about you.”
Neil was different. Neil was so suited for Andrew's wants and needs that he’d thought him a hallucination, a pipedream. And he’d only gotten better at reading Andrew and filling all those cracks. When Neil cared, he did it wholeheartedly, loudly. Andrew couldn’t ignore it, wanted more of it, and was starting to trust that it wasn't going away. He didn't have to explain it away, didn’t have to posture or draw hard lines because Neil didn’t need those.
He hated how clichéd he sounded when he said, “Neil is different.”
Bee smiled, resting her hand on the blanket, “I think so too. He’s something special, isn’t he?”
Andrew wouldn’t lower himself to answer that. Neil was his. Neil, who bared his teeth to the world and fought with every inch of himself, then returned home and made soft things to burry Andrew in. Special was too simple a word for him. It cheapened him.
"Would it be okay if I kept the blanket in my office? For anyone who comes in to use?" Bee asked when she was certain Andrew wasn't going to answer, "I think that would be a wonderful use of this gift."
"Yes."
"Neil showed you how to knit. He let you into something important to him." Bee said, leadingly.
"This is crochet." He corrected, because the other half of this was a lot heavier and more important.
Bee didn't let him get away with it, because she rarely ever did, "What's it like? To share this with him?"
Good. He gave Bee a look because she already knew the answer to that. Andrew didn't do things he didn't want to do. "It's Neil. It's good."
She nodded, glancing at the blanket, "Sometimes sharing time with someone can be a gift in itself, don't you think?"
He remembered the way it felt to sit by Neil when he worked on his projects. And Neil choosing to sit by him on the buses to games. The quiet peace of a still morning on the rooftop and a shared cigarette. The way Neil softened when he eyed the toy fox he'd made, something warm that made Andrew want to touch him with a sudden rush. He nodded, yes.