Chapter Text
It was another average day at the Santa Barbara Police Department: Psychic detective Shawn Spencer had once again solved a case, much to the dismay of one Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, using as much theatrics and charm as one could. And it infuriated the head detective to no end. Spencer wasn’t even a real cop, or a psychic, so how come he always got the credit for cases that weren’t even his own? The answer was incredibly simple...if Lassiter had one.
He was currently watching as the messy brown haired man sat himself on top of his partner’s desk, asking her if she wanted to go out for dinner. This didn’t bother Carlton, why would it? O’Hara was a nice person and a fine detective, but maybe seeing the psychic be so friendly, it hit a nerve that Carlton was unaware of.
Lassiter was terrible at expressing his feelings, other than in sarcasm or after several drinks. He found it was easier to shield off his heart if he hid behind his sour to life approach, even if it meant not having many friends. He also found out very quickly that not being able to express his feelings during his marriage does not make for a very healthy marriage. Carlton did try! But Victoria always told him he could be too much at times. It was easier to suppress what he felt, despite how it affected him.
If Carlton actually paid attention and didn’t get too much in his head, he would know that Shawn was in fact NOT asking O’Hara to dinner or even dinner for romantic purposes. Instead, he was trying to weasel himself access to some records to do his “psychic research.” Although he was failing, due to Juliet O’Hara being a tough nut to crack, no matter how much Shawn used his charming smile or incredible sense of humor that girls swooned over. O’Hara knew that Shawn had no romantic interest in her.
The closest to any romantic prospects in the SBPD would be Carlton and Shawn, it was just that they were the only ones that didn’t see their constant flirting and couple-like antics. It was starting to get on everyone’s nerves, and it’s only a matter of time before someone cracked and informed them that they were meant for each other. Until then, the station, including Gus, all had a bet going on who out of the two would crack first and when.
Carlton realized he’s had enough of the psychic for one day when his stupid laugh started giving him a migraine.
“O’Hara, have you finished your reports yet?” She shook her head and looked towards Shawn.
“Right, can’t get anything done with that. Spencer, get the hell off of her desk, you aren’t needed anymore. You solved the case. Scram.” Lassiter’s tone came out a lot harsher than expected, but it got the job done when Shawn slid off of her desk.
“Oh please, Lassie, I am the ultimate desk decoration! Unless, of course, you’d rather I sit in other places.” He said, emphasizing “other places” with the rising intonation that would usually have a girl in his bed in an instant.
Instead of that, Lassiter scowled and grabbed the psychic’s arm, pulling him towards the doors of the station. Shawn let out a whine, letting himself be dragged along.
“Come on, you know you love having me around!”
“That’s debatable.” Carlton grumbled.
“I’d win~”
That earned an eye roll from the older male. “Win what? Your ticket out of here?”
If Lassiter had it his way, he’d toss him into a room, preferably a closet, and shut him up for good. Was it murder or sex? It didn't matter in his mind. He was tired of the psychic coming into his workplace and being insufferable. He offered nothing but more grey hairs to Carlton’s head.
Unbeknownst to the detective, who was surprisingly oblivious considering his position, Shawn would’ve greatly preferred the latter. Besides the obvious reasons of, y’know, not getting murdered. Shawn must have been zoned out for a bit because he found himself being glared at by Lassiter.
“Well, Spencer? Do I have to do everything for you?” Lassiter said as his grip tightened on his arm.
“That'd be nice, actually!”
Lassiter’s free hand tightened into a fist and then, after a brief debate in his mind, let Shawn go entirely. He had a stake out to get ready for, he wasn’t going to waste anymore time with the man child. And if Shawn looked a little upset, Lassie clearly didn’t notice.
He left Shawn at the doors and went to sit back down at his desk, grabbing the case file he needed for that night. All it was was a simple stakeout; he’d bring his partner along and they’d be done before the sun rose.
Easy.
That was, until he heard a small clearing of a throat. Carlton looked up to find Juliet standing at his desk, looking a little guilty. He knew something was up immediately.
“Carlton.. I know you are oddly excited about this stakeout, however, the chief and I thought it would be a good idea if you brought Shawn along!”
Lassiter shook his head. “O’Hara, he’s not a cop. Not even remotely close! And this is our stakeout.”
“Yes, but he's a psychic. However, you two have the worst relationship out of anyone here in the station, it would be a good bonding opportunity.. And as much as I would love to, I made plans a long time ago for tonight. Just, one stake out. It won’t kill you.”
Juliet gave a soft smile, unfortunately causing Lassiter to break. “Fine. But you owe me. Big time.”
“Promise, just do this for me, and I will make it up to you.”
Carlton sighed frustratedly and shouted out, knowing he never left the station. “Spencer! Get over here.”
“Present!” The not-detective chirped, jogging over to Lassie’s desk. He couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice or in his eyes.
“You’ll be joining me tonight. On a stakeout.” Carlton said through gritted teeth, resulting in a smack on the arm by Juliet.
Shawn couldn’t hide his enthusiasm. It was going to be the two of them, in a close proximity, and they were going to be completely alone. How could it get any better than that!
“That sounds exciting, and lucky for you, my schedule is all cleared! Gus is busy tonight with some pharmaceutical dinner, who knows, so I am all yours!”
Juliet smiled, clapping her hands together. “Well perfect. I have to head out, partner.” She leaned over to whisper into his ear. “Be nice.”
As Juliet walked away, she had her hopes that this stakeout would be the thing that got the two to realize they needed each other. But, then again, Shawn would probably dance around the subject and Carlton would admit that he never actually liked Shawn.
Behind her, she could hear the following conversation.
“So that means I’m riding shotgun! Am I your partner now?”
“No. And if you call yourself that again, I’m shooting you.”
—
Shawn absolutely hated the silence. It felt so suffocating, especially when Carlton had told him to hush three times in the past thirty minutes. He understood that this is what a stakeout was, he’d done it before when he was little with his dad. But right now? With a few inches between the man he wanted to see in bed? It was really hard to focus, his raging ADHD didn’t help matters as well.
Lassiter frowned, watching the street in front of him. He was trying to ignore the body beside him. Any minute now, their perp would show up, Lassiter would cuff them, and then he’d send Spencer on his bike all the way home. But until then, he was stuck in close proximity with Shawn Spencer. Out of his peripheral vision, he could see the psychic nearly jumping out of his seat.
“Do you seriously have to go to the bathroom?” Carlton griped, turning towards him.
Shawn jumped. “No! I have a bladder of steel. I just..I can’t sit still in this silence. Talk to me, Carly. Or I’m going to start talking again, and you already told me to shut up three times.”
Lassiter’s grip tightened on his steering wheel.
“You can’t sit still.”
“No. It’s my ADHD! I really do try, Lassie. I can’t control it. Sometimes, my brain feels like a bunch of worms wiggling around in dirt. Don’t get me started on medication, Gus gives me that lecture all that time.”
Carlton exhaled through his nose, his nostrils flaring, before leaning over to the glovebox.
“Woah there detective, we haven’t had a date. Don’t be scouting out the treasure when you need to get to know the box!” Shawn laughed weakly.
Handjob in the car? Shawn was great at those! But the idea of it happening right now to him, especially with Lassiter, was appealing, but they also had a job to do.
Lassiter had to restrain himself from slapping the psychic. The idea seemed pleasing, but instead, he closed the glovebox and shoved an object into Shawn’s hands.
“Play with it, chew on it, run it through your fingers, I don’t care, just please be quiet. And sit still!”
Shawn looked down at what was in his hands, finding a sensory toy. Shawn had a few back in the Psych office, but they were mostly rubix cubes or metal that folded on itself. This was different, and very out of character for the head detective. Shawn turned towards the detective, who, in turn, was looking back, his expression new to the psychic.
Carlton looked away, back out on the dark streets of Santa Barbara. Shawn appreciated the gesture and played with it, running the tangle through his fingers.
Hours passed, the sun had set, and still nothing happened. Shawn even took three naps and ate all of his snacks. How much longer was this going to take?
“Lassie...I don’t think they’re coming.”
“Shut it, Spencer. They’ll come soon.”
Shawn sat back in the seat, mumbling to himself about how dumb this was. That was when he saw a dark shadow to the right of him walking towards the car.
Shawn sat up and nudged Carlton. “Lassie? Uh..I think our cover got blown..”
“It has not been blown, Spencer.”
“No! No, I’m getting strong psychic vibes..we..uh, we need to throw them off!”
Shawn was stalling, and panicking as well. The shadow was getting closer and Carlton wasn’t listening to him.
“You are not psychic.”
“I am too! And that’s not the most pressing thing right now! Listen to me, Lassiter! I know it’s difficult to, but I need you to listen to me for once in your life!”
Shawn hated pleading. Begging was fine, but pleading was the worst. But with the shadow coming closer, he needed to pull out all the stops.
His instincts were sending him into fight or flight, and the only reasonable thing that Shawn thought to do was to grab Carlton and kiss him. It was awkward, closed lips, and completely one sided, if he called it that, but he could see that the shadow was walking away now, uninterested by the couple kissing in the car.
He pulled back and looked away, not wanting to see Lassiter’s face or hear his barks of disgust.
“Sorry about that, Lass.. he was coming and I panicked.” He laughed, but it fell flat.
The other side of the car was quiet, prompting Shawn to turn and look at the detective.
“Carlton..?”
“Shut up.”
Shawn leaned in towards the detective. He wasn’t sure why his body did this, but he thought that it was the best reaction.
“Why?”
Lassiter groaned and closed the gap between the two of them. Honestly, he wasn’t sure what was going on in his mind. Spencer had ruined the stakeout and then decided to grab him and kiss him for no apparent reason. Carlton should be angry! And yet, all he could do at this moment was kiss him.
Neither of them knew when the kiss ended, it just did. And when it did end, all they could do was look at each other. There wasn’t really anything they could say to one another, words were nonexistent. Carlton looked towards the steering wheel, it seemed more interesting than the look in Shawn’s eyes.
The stakeout was pretty much over at this point.