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Despite All My Rage

Summary:

Nightmare's prized monster falls into enemy hands. Arthur will do anything to tame it. No one is happy about it except him.

Notes:

hi :]

i've been wrestling with this fic for like two years, and for a lot of time during that period i wasn't sure it would ever be finished. but i did it! so here it is. thank you to my friends and followers who have been interested in this weird AU. i'd like to write more for it in the future, but we'll see. it will probably take a really long time.

i'll be posting a chapter a day until this is complete, except for friday, which is less than human day and you should all go read that instead.

my ultimate opinion on this work is...! i'm glad it's done. it pushed me in a lot of different ways, and i'm proud of the end result. mainly the later chapters where i felt more free in my writing. taking so long definitely put me in a different state of mind about it all compared to 2024, which i think was for the better. things have been weird irl over the past several months, so i'm glad to know i can still write through it all, whether as a distraction, as a direction, or just as a hobby.

i hope you all enjoy! thank you for stopping by.

Chapter 1: Contact

Chapter Text

A bright ball of light glowed from above the warriors, casting long shadows along the cold stone floor. Their gentle footsteps echoed loudly through the broad cavern; the stalactites that hung overhead glistened with water and strains of minerals as they passed beneath them. Taking a pause near the center of the cave, the quintet began to observe their surroundings.

Arthur clutched his sword tightly at his side as his pale lavender eyes slid over the cavern, inspecting every inch of the dreary rock. They twitched slightly before he turned to face his companions.

At Arthur’s side was Ikkan, a tall warrior in blue armor, a sword and shield in either hand and a red plume on the back of his helmet. Next in line stood another pair, Bank a bit taller than Arthur with leather armor and a heavy battleaxe, and the other, Orrbane, a stout orange creature with a blaster slung over their shoulder. The axe-wielder’s light brown hair was pulled back, revealing a pair of long, silvery horns on his forehead. Finally at the end of the line was Elwynd, a small, brown, cat-like creature, her ears hidden beneath a pointed purple hat and a twisted wooden staff held in front of her. The crystal at its tip was glowing with the same light as the orb floating above the group.

“Be on your guard, all of you,” Arthur reminded them. He spoke in a hushed voice, but he could still hear his whispers creeping back to him from the cavern walls. “I know this place hasn’t exactly been crawling with monsters, but there’s definitely something here.”

“There was a battle in the city recently, wasn’t there?” Ikkan asked. “It could’ve run and hid once it ended.”

The general nodded. “My thoughts exactly. It’s likely injured, but that doesn’t mean we should underestimate it.” He turned away, looking past the edge of the light and into the darkness, his eyes narrowing. “This energy in the air…whatever it is, it’s powerful.”

The cavern grew cold as they continued deeper in, the chilling darkness clawing at the edge of the light. Arthur struggled to calm his heart the further they went with no incident. Every footstep was like a gunshot against the cracked ground, every breath a howling gust of wind. It felt like the walls were closing in around them, the stalactites sharpening into jagged stone teeth that threatened to swallow them whole.

Suddenly, the general stopped. He held up his free hand, causing the others to stop, as well. His grip tightened around the hilt of his sword as they listened, not daring to breathe. The steady drip, drip of water trickling down from the ceiling gave just the softest echo.

The air buzzed with tension as Arthur slowly looked around, moving carefully to lessen the clinking of his armor as much as possible.

At a scrape of stone, he abandoned the effort, whipping around and dashing between his companions.

Elwynd!

With a scream, the caster fell to the floor, and the cavern was plunged in darkness.

Arthur staggered back, brandishing his blade and gritting his teeth. He could hear the others readying their weapons, but his gaze was fixed on the shadows ahead of him as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light. Tilting his head to bring the scene to the edge of his vision, the colorless image came into view just in time for him to watch blood burst from Elwynd’s neck as the flesh was ripped away.

Sitting over the small body was a sharp silhouette, jagged limbs stretching out on either side that looked to be wings. The beast held its head against the gushing wound, drinking up the blood before lifting its face towards the roof of the cave to gasp for air.

Arthur squinted slightly before turning his head to directly face the shadows again, his vision fully adjusted. With shallow breaths, he began to step forward, his sabaton giving a light scrape against the ground.

The beast snapped to face him as its wings spread out behind it in a threatening display. A pair of red spotlights focused in on him, white pupils dilating at the sight.

Arthur met its gaze, a chill shooting down his back. With a sharp breath, he lunged forward, slashing towards it.

His sword cut through nothing but shadow as the beast leapt into the air, easily soaring over his head and knocking another of his teammates to the ground. He turned around with a curse, rushing to follow as he heard Ikkan’s armor hit the rock.

The warrior managed to put up his shield before he fell, resulting in a horrible shriek echoing through the cave as the beast clawed at its surface.

Arthur stepped up behind it, but hesitated a moment before he raised his weapon.

This was no ordinary monster. This was a beast that had been tormenting them for decades, and yet, they knew so little about it. All they knew was what they could see, and from what they could see, this beast was an astral.

An astral. Now how did Nightmare get his hands on one? The idea fascinated Arthur from the first moment he saw it. It must have been nearly a century ago when his team was ambushed in the wilds of Halfmoon, finding their camp ravaged before the beast made its appearance.

It stood on the highest branch of a dying tree, those powerful demon-like wings extended at its sides, the full moon illuminating its form from behind. In a flash, it dove towards the warriors, skidding to a stop right in front of Arthur with its sword ready to strike. He could still picture the fury, the excitement, the hunger in those stark crimson eyes, the way its face distorted into a smile, displaying a mouth full of bloodstained fangs.

They encountered it only rarely. It must have been one of Nightmare’s treasures, and of course it was. Astrals are only born every so often, and even with the wizard’s influence, combing through each strand of matter in the galaxy until he found an infant was an impossible task. It would be a waste to send it out on pointless missions. So what was it doing here?

Arthur shifted his stance, then grabbed forward, pulling away his weapon to keep the blade far from the beast as his hand closed around the base of its wings. It was surprisingly light, but he still pulled with all his strength to throw it off the knight. It fell to the ground with a thud, writhing and snarling against the dusty floor, beating its wings in an attempt to break free. No matter how hard it struggled, Arthur held it in place, stepping a foot onto its back to keep it pinned.

He took a few moments to catch his breath. His eyes narrowed as he inspected the beast. It looked like it was injured in the recent battle--there were streaks of dried blood covering its back and wings, and its right wing was bent at an odd angle. The old wounds were joined by fresher ones, deep claw marks near its shoulders, along its wings, and down its arms.

After a minute or so, the beast stopped struggling, dropping its head on the ground. It took a few heavy, ragged breaths before letting out something akin to a sob.

“Let me go!” it screamed. The demand repeated again and again between the cavern walls. “Let me go!

Arthur’s heart dropped at the cry, a sickening feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach. Few monsters ever spoke, never mind with such pain woven into their words. For a moment he was almost certain it was a civilian. Though their thrashing stopped, their crying continued, and soon the general found himself pulling away, his breath shortened by the aching in his chest.

At his hesitation, the beast reached back and snagged his left arm, yanking him forward and slamming him against the ground. He felt the air leave his body, not even saving enough for him to shout as the beast’s teeth sank into his arm.

Sharp fangs pierced his skin, equally sharp claws tearing just as deep. He tried to pull his arm away, only for the beast to clamp down harder, threatening to tear out a piece of his flesh.

The cave lit up in a flash as something whistled over the general’s head. Only a beat later did it go dark again, accompanied by a deafening blast behind him. His ears rang as the pressure released from his arm. Something hit the floor and rolled away, and the cavern went silent again.

Holding still for a few seconds, Arthur eventually pushed himself up, pulling in his injured arm. He looked around to see Orrbane standing near the wall of the cavern, their blaster still smoking. Looking in the other direction, he found the beast lying limp on the ground, a fresh gash in its head dripping onto the stone.

The cave lit up again as Bank pulled out a lighter, the dim flame glinting off his axe. The four remaining stared at the beast, waiting for it to move, but there was hardly even a twitch of its wings.

Arthur jumped to his feet and stepped over to it, kneeling down at its side and inspecting the damage. It had very little with it—there was a sheath at its side, but no sword, and the pauldrons on its shoulders were matte with dust. Its shoes were worn, the golden sole looking ready to fall off and the fabric turning threadbare. Its once-white gloves were soaked with blood and tearing at the fingers and cuffs. On the backs of its hands, the gloves were fitted with a pair of golden spikes to match the clasps of the shoes and edges of the pauldrons. A clump of fabric was jammed into the sheath and partially tucked under the belt. When Arthur pulled it away and unfolded it, it revealed itself to be a deep purple cloak, torn at the edges and bright blue on the inside. The back of the cloak featured a silhouette of Nightmare surrounded by stars. Arthur grimaced and folded it back up, then draped it over his arm.

“Do we finish it off, sir?” Ikkan asked, his voice shattering the silence.

The general shook his head. “No. No, we can’t.”

“What?!”

“It’s a monster,” Orrbane huffed. “We should get rid of it now while it can’t do any more damage.”

“You don’t get it. Killing it will just return it to the universe. Another astral will be born, and Nightmare will try again.” Arthur extended a hand, but stopped, pulling it back rather than resting it on the beast’s head. “Maybe we can—” He paused. “We can help them.”

“Sir, it’s killed people,” Bank insisted, gesturing to Elwynd’s body a few feet away. “We can’t trust it.”

“We’ve all killed people.” Arthur carefully knelt down, and with a few quick calculations, lifted the beast onto his back. Just as before, he found that it barely weighed anything. Its wings grazed the ground as he started off through the cavern.

“Ikkan, bring Elwynd with us,” he instructed as he passed the corpse, stepping around the dark pool of blood. He looked away. “We’ll give her a proper send off. Let’s get out of here.”

 


 

Admittedly, once they were back at the base, Arthur wasn’t entirely sure what to do with the unconscious beast. So, he did the best thing he could think of.

In the medical wing of many of the GSA’s bases, there were a handful of rooms used to house soldiers who had fallen under Nightmare’s influence. It helped to think of the brainwashing like a plague: a bit of quarantine and it would disappear in days. The rooms were mostly bare, with off-white walls and only the essentials. There was at least one window in every room, and a screen separating the majority of the room from a bathroom corner. On the opposite side was a bed and a nightstand holding a small lamp.

A security camera hung from the corner, posed to observe the entire room. From behind its screen Arthur stood with its operators, surveying the contents. He absently ran his hand over his left arm, now bandaged but still aching. The beast lay in the bed, the pale purple blanket shuffled aside. Its wounds were all patched and bandaged, and its right wing was held in a brace. All of its armor and items were confiscated except for the cloak, which Arthur managed to sneak into his quarters. They gave it a sedative when they made it back to ensure it wouldn’t wake up while they were treating it, and several hours had passed since then.

This beast—no, this child must have been through a lot. They were covered in scars, some from claws and some from teeth, some from an indiscernible source. It didn’t take much inspection to see how young they were. Their eyes were a solid color, so they were at least 200, but from their size Arthur never would have guessed they were a young adult. Sure, astrals came in many sizes, though most larger than this. It was a bit concerning, but there wasn’t much they could do about it right now.

Arthur removed the bottom piece of his mask, set it on the desk, then turned and left the room. Standing out in the hall, his friends looked up at him. Dragato folded their hands behind their deep violet cape, eyes trained on the general. Beside them, Nonsurat crossed his arms, tilting his head slightly and allowing the light to dance off the golden claws over his mask.

“So, what’s the plan?” he asked. “We’re going to talk to them, aren’t we?”

“Of course,” Arthur replied. “We can’t just leave them there.” He turned and started off down the hall, and the others followed after him.

“We need to wait for Nightmare’s influence to wear off,” he explained to the pair behind him. “Assuming there’s some kind of brainwashing involved. But regardless, you know how impressionable young astrals are. If we can get them to forget what Nightmare’s taught them, they could be a valuable asset.”

“An ‘asset?’” Dragato repeated. “They look like a child. I didn’t think child soldiers were something we were interested in.”

“I’m aware of their age, Dragato,” Arthur sighed. “I said asset, not tool. Perhaps they can give us some inside information.”

“Good luck getting them to talk,” Nonsurat remarked. “You know their type. And they’re probably worse than most agents we run into, with what happened in the cave.”

“I’m well aware. We will find a way.”

After a few minutes of walking, they stopped in the medical wing before a well-sealed room. The heavy door was locked from the outside. There was a thin glass window near its top, and beneath it was a nametag that currently read “MONSTER INSIDE.” Arthur pulled his communicator from his cloak and held it up to the scanner beside the door. It blinked green before the frame unsealed and the general entered the room, his friends following close behind.

The door fell shut with a thunk, leaving them in the quiet room. On the bed, the astral stirred, and as Arthur crossed the room they lifted their head slightly upon hearing the gentle clicks of his shoes.

Their eyes went wide when they saw him. They made an attempt to scramble to the head of the bed, only to let out a pained yelp and collapse back onto their pillow. They pulled in their arms and wings defensively, flinching and hissing as they ran their paws over the bandaged wounds.

“Calm down,” Arthur said coolly, “we aren’t going to hurt you.”

“Liar!” the beast barked, grip tightening around their arms. “Back off!”

Arthur came to a stop in front of them, and they somehow managed to curl in smaller. Their wings trembled and their breath quickened as they held eye contact with him. “If we wanted to hurt you, we would’ve killed you in the cave, and we certainly wouldn’t have treated your injuries.”

The beast took a shaky breath, then carefully pushed themself to a seated position. Their arms wavered beneath the weight. It took another moment or two for them to speak again, and their voice sounded strained by the effort.

“Need to…eat something.”

The general hummed and folded his arms behind himself. “I’m inclined not to believe that, considering you ate one of my teammates earlier today.”

“Something real,” they growled. “Or I’ll just kill one of you!”

He heard Dragato and Nonsurat both take a step back. “Alright, I suppose we can do that.” When he looked over his shoulder at the pair, they both flinched. “Dragato, would you run to the mess hall for me?”

They looked relieved, and they nodded before turning and leaving the room.

“We have some questions for you,” Arthur continued, turning back to the beast. “Do you mind if we ask them now?”

They stared at him for a few long moments before their arms gave out and they collapsed onto the pillow again. Grasping the pillow, they squeezed their eyes shut, their wings folding in as defensively as they could manage.

“Just kill me already,” they groaned. “That’s your job, isn’t it?! Hurry up and do it! I’d rather be dead than stuck here with you!”

“Then I’m afraid you’ll have to reorganize your priorities,” Arthur responded. “We will not be killing you, and you will not be killing yourself, either. These rooms are designed specifically to prevent self harm of any kind. Every potentially sharp surface is softened, and no implements can be removed or broken. If you attempt to hurt yourself in any way, staff will enter immediately and restrain you. These rooms are meant for recovery, not torture. Now, why don’t you tell us what your name is?”

They didn’t answer. After a few minutes of glaring at him, they turned their face down into their pillow.

“I don’t want to keep calling you ‘beast’ forever.”

“And why not?” they growled. “It’s what I am. Just like you’re a filthy Star Warrior. That’s all you’ll ever be.”

“My name is Arthur,” he continued. He gestured to the other standing nearby. “This is Nonsurat, and the one who left a bit ago is Dragato. And you are?”

The beast partially lifted their head, revealing one narrowed red eye. “If you want my name so bad, why don’t you just beat it out of me?” They lowered their face into the pillow again. “Or are you just as terrible at torture as you are interrogation?”

“It’s hard to build trust on a foundation of cruelty.”

The door clicked from the other side of the room, and in walked Dragato, a generous glass of water in one hand and a metal tray in the other. The tray was filled with various veggies, rice, and bread rolls, with a handful of berries included in one corner. Dragato passed the glass to Arthur, who placed it on the bedside table and made the beast flinch with his presence, and the other warily set the tray down on the bed. They quickly went to stand beside Nonsurat.

The beast lifted their head and managed to push themself up. They crawled over to the tray and sniffed it, inspecting the food.

“You can let us know if there’s anything in particular you want in the future,” Arthur said. “We usually have a good variety of—”

They swept their paw under the tray and threw it across the room, sending the contents flying. It crashed against the opposite wall and clattered loudly to the floor.

“I said something real!” they snarled, though their voice cracked from the strain. “Give me something real or I’ll kill everyone in this building!”

“What exactly do you mean by ‘real?’” Arthur asked, seemingly unfazed by the outburst. Dragato and Nonsurat both took another step back.

Meat!” They clamped their paws over their ears and sank down onto the bed. “I haven’t eaten anything in months!

The general raised his eyebrows, though the expression was quickly replaced with a frown. “If it’s been that long, it may take some time before you can actually eat meat again. We’d have to slowly reintroduce it to your diet so you don’t make yourself sick.”

“I don’t care,” they whined. “I don’t care! Just bring it!”

“Young one, we don’t want you to suffer more than you already have—”

Their head snapped up, eyes growing wide and pupils dilating. “Don’t call me that!”

“Ah, then perhaps you should tell us your name, and we can call you that instead.”

The beast’s wings raised as best they could as they grit their teeth, the blanket bunching up in their fists. With a shout, they launched themself off the bed, tackling Arthur and sending them both slamming against the floor.

Their claws dug into his arms as he tried to compose himself, and he opened his eyes to find them locked with the beast’s. The claws sank deeper as foam began to form at the corners of their mouth.

I’ll fucking kill you!” they shrieked. “I’ll kill you, Star Warrior! I’ll—”

Suddenly, they stopped. Their eyes drooped slightly, and they slumped over onto the floor, falling silent.

Standing behind them, Dragato let out a sigh, pulled the syringe from their back, and offered a hand to Arthur.

“Sir,” they started, exasperated. “Please don’t sass the starving murder weapon.”

“Sorry. I didn’t think they had the energy left for that.” He took their hand and stood up. Looking over the room, he folded his arms across his chest. “I suppose we should get cleaning.”

The three got to work picking up the scattered food while a few members of the medical team entered and moved the beast back onto their bed. It wasn’t long before the warriors were ushered out and the door was locked tight once again.