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Izuku clenched his fist, and downed another pitiful shot. He normally wouldn’t drink, as it could harm his body and he’s a hero student, for fucks sake. But tonight was different. Every member of the hero course was gathered for the graduation part, even some out of the hero course. He could make out multiple of his friends. Every single hero student having had heard about poor izuku not becoming a hero. Some pitied him, some laughed. All he wanted was to be a hero with kacchan, but those were just his selfish desires. He looked around rapidly, for his ears betrayed him with the sound of the explosive blondes howling laughter. He could always recognize his Kacchan’s laughter, even in a room full of screaming mockingbirds. The (now adult)kicked away his chair.
He was wearing something basic, his “Casual Shirt” and shirts, his usual ruby shoes on. Music blasted loudly in the back, his emerald eyes could barely make out a very, very drunk Kaminari on the floor next to some other student. Or not student. He didn’t care.
Ochako had told him earlier, “I’ll be playing games with our friends in the last room down the hall!” And after he saw the girl in question, kissing another girl.. he gave up on trying to stay sober OR faithful.
“Are you serious, Deku? You think I’d ever like someone as pathetic as YOU?”
Kacchan barked a laugh. A hand of the tallers rising, and striking ‘some sense’ into the greenette. His hands burning holes in the smaller child’s clothes and heart. Izuku’s everything burnt along with his notebooks that day. 10/27/15.
middle schooler izuku, at the time, had given up on everything and hit rock bottom. He would find himself clenching blades in his hands, but too scared to go too deep. His heart clenched at every remark about his quirkless-ness, or his inability, or how creepy his eyes were. It didn’t matter. It all hurt. Especially his Kacchan’s rejection.
He frowned away the thought. He hadn’t realized his damned feet were already taking him to the last room, where Kacchan’s laugh came from. His Kacchan. The wood creaked beneath his feet as he walked, though it was barely noticeable due to the loud ( slightly annoying) sci- fi music blasting throughout the house. He walked into the room, spin the bottle? About 11 people were lined up sitting in a circle on the floor, a familiar blonde being one of them. He smiled and sat infront of the blonde across the circle crosslegged, his eyes met the others in a haze. The alcohol making his scarred fingers tingly.
“What are you guys playing?” Izuku spoke.
”7 minutes in heaven. ‘Haven’t got it on me yet.”
Grunted the explosion hero.
”oh! I wanna play!” Izuku beamed, though tipsy off his toes.
Katsuki grumbled out.
”Well, shitty hair and pinkie pie are in the closet now so..”
Izuku nodded, and the timer went off soon after. Causing Izuku to jump, and stop fidgeting with his shoe laces (which he hadn’t noticed.)
Something in the back of his mind pulled at him, for wanting the bottle to point at him. He closed his eyes.
Kirishima stepped out of the closet with Ashido. His lips glistened (with what looks like lipgloss,) and a bruise was forming under his jaw, over his pulse point. Izuku giggled.
”Ohhhh Dyna-babe!”
Ashido giggled, her bubbly personality a contrast to Kirishima’s now stoic face. Poor thing, Izuku giggled again. This time more quietly.
”what.”
The blonde snapped.
”Your turn!! You’re the last one, Spin it~!”
The blonde grunted, but Izuku noticed a hint of hesitancy furrowed in his eyebrows as he took the bottle. Izuku closed his eyes, and the empty beer bottle spun fast. It felt like hours. Hours of waiting, until Yaoyarozu gasped. He opened his eyes, and the bottle’s nozzle was pointed at him. He looked up, and the other teen refused to meet his gaze. They were practically shoved in the closet, izuku hitting his head with an “oof”.
The closet door shut behind them, and Izuku swallowed hard. He could feel the heat crawling up his neck and tickling his cheeks. Jesus.
”…Kacch-“
”No.”
The blonde cut him off.
12:42. The first minute passed. Complete silence. The greenette was suddenly aware of how close they were. Their knees were almost touching, and god, poor izuku was so grateful for the darkness of the closet. He let out a breath. Katsuki’s voice finally broke the silence, a rare hesitant edge to his rough demeanor.
”Izuku.. what..”
He could almost HEAR the others swallow.
”what are we.”
And that was the question. The one he’d dreaded for more than 3 years. He understood what kacchan meant at ground beta now, “Like it’s playing on loop!”
What are we.
What are we?
what are we??
Izuku didn’t know either. God, he didn’t know. A few more moments passed before he hesitantly spoke.
”I don’t know Kacchan. I mean.. I have a girlfriend now and..”
”Izuku I know but- fuck.”
He gave the other time. Fiddling with his fingers.
”Izuku I’m.. I’m in love with you damnit. I hate it. I hate that I love you. It’s been pulling me back for years an-“
The greenette didn’t know what got into him. He didn’t know if it was the alcohol, or his ego, he didn’t know. He never did anyway. His lips met the others in a harsh kiss, one hand on the blonds pulse point and the other in his hair. He felt the freeze from his kacchan. Then hands in his hair. A tongue suddenly in his mouth. He met it with his own. He felt sick, and hopelessly whipped. He knows he isn’t straight anyway.
“..Izuku, fuck..”
the other murmured. No dream or imagination of kissing the other actually matched the feeling. It felt like he was walking on a cloud. The hands in his hair were softer than hed expected, which he totally wasn’t. No beer, whiskey, or tequila matched up to how he felt in this moment. But he knew. He knew this was it, the last ANYTHING they’d ever had that was more than platonic.
”…Izuku please.. don’t cry..”
And then he realized, salty tears were falling down his face. He pulled away for a breath, and hugged the taller. Shaking against him.
”..kacchan I love you too.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry..”
He sobbed. His forehead on the others shoulder. Katsuki subbed his scalp. The feeling of dread knawed at his stomach more than the bite of a wolf.
“..izuku. Listen to me. You’ll get through this. We will. Okay? Jeezus izuku..”
He muttered, finally pulling the shorter closer.
”..I love you kacc-“
The alarm blared.
The drive back was… full of tension. Izuku looked out the window with puffy eyes, and Katsuki gripped his steering wheel. The night was quiet, as if longing for the sun. Izuku fiddled with his fingers, Katsuki pulled into the driveway. Neither spoke as Izuku started crying again.
”Izuku.”
Green eyes met ruby.
”I.. never mention any of this again. Ever. Nothing more than platonic. Okay? We’re nothing just.. rivals.”
And that hurt. Bad, his heart clenching as if all the blood had been taken from him. Like a leech sucked out every warm thought from him.
”…I’m sorry.”
His kacchan spoke slightly quieter. Izuku hugged him, leaving the other stunned. Before the strong arms wrapped around him again. Rocking him slightly.
“..I’ll see you later, okay ‘Zuku?”
”..yea. Later.”
As if there would be a later. As if izuku wasn’t moving across the country to some specail apartments. Izuku sobbed again.
“okay kacchan. I’m sorry.”
And izuku opened the door hesitantly, and stepped out. Every step, his heart was screaming at him to run back. The promise ring on his finger felt sinful, like shackles more than guidance. Because he didn’t love Ochako like that. He just.. didn’t. He never would.
As he reached the door, he turned back. His eyes meeting the others for the last time in a while. He smiled sadly and mouthed “I love you.”, which the other turned away and started the car. Driving off. He cried again, and walked inside. As soon as the door shut he slid down against it, clutching his Allmight card. He sobbed until he couldn’t, until the sun rose and burnt into his eyes. The cold wood unforgiving against his back. Every second he ached, his muscles sore from sleeping on the hard floor. He turned on his side and sighed. He had patrol in 20 minutes. Fuck. He slowly rose.
-4 years later, Katsuki’s pov.-
Katsuki watched as Pink cheeks walked down the aisle in a gorgeous white, her face illuminated in happiness. While izuku smiled softly, but behind his eyes Katsuki’s read sadness. Why was he even here, damnit? Pinkie whispered to Eijirou next to him.
”..she’s gorgeous.”
And that she was, he couldn’t deny it. And she had everything he wanted. Everything, his world. A certain green eyed, majestic boy with freckles like the stars over the gracious milkyway. He couldn’t even look at the stars anymore damnit. Everything lead back to Izuku, fucking izuku. Why him? Why not someone else? Why not nobody?
He felt tears well in his eyes as izuku took her hands, looking at her like she was precious. He fucking hated her for that, but he got a good one. He hates to admit it, but him and the girl were closer friends now.
‘Friends’
What him and izuku were. Nothing more. Tears fell down his cheeks, he aggressively wiped at them. Izuku’s eyes flickered to his. All he heard of the ceremony was-
“Do you take Ochako Uraraka to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
hesitation on izuku’s expression. His green eyes darted to his red ones. The blonde nodded subtly, but his heart was screaming
no, no , no, no, no. On repeat
He cried again, as the greenette said loud and clear.
”I do.”
and then they kissed, he didn’t even hear the priests announcement. When everyone stood and cheered, he left subtly. Sitting outside.
”oh god.”
His izuku was married. Married. At 22. He choked a sob. When did he become so weak, so useless? He didn’t know. Anxiety clawed at his stomach. HE should be who Izuku is married too, even if it isn’t socially except able for two male, pros nonetheless, to be married. He walked to his car, and left. He couldn’t do it.
“If you’re gonna love, atleast make sure they’re lovable.” - A.C.