Chapter Text
The blonde hadn’t realised the extent of her attraction for her best friend until recently. Helen Sharp was beautiful in the most precious and adorable way, but she was also witty, intelligent and gentle. It wasn’t often she would explode in anger, so when she did you knew you were about to have it. She wasn’t called ‘Sharp’ for no reason. Helen was perfect whilst still being deliciously flawed. Upon reflection, it was how Madeline felt about this that had her realising just how much trouble she was in.
It was a night out that had forced Madeline to finally accept some truths about herself.
Helen had turned twenty-one in the May, but Madeline had to wait until the August.
The thought of being in a nightclub had never (and never would be) Helen’s idea of fun. She was the dictionary definition of an introvert, but she had insisted that she had wanted to go out and celebrate the milestone birthday with Madeline. Helen Sharp wasn’t a complete snob.
Madeline, on the other hand, was famously the life of the party, despite being one of the youngest in her classes.
The two girls were such polar opposites on the surface, but they say opposites attract and these two shared an undefinable bond that defied any logic. Inseparable, joined at the hip, platonic soulmates.
And they had been to many a house party by this point. (They were college students after all.) The only difference was that, this time, Helen had been drinking far more than her usual tolerance would allow her to, all in an attempt to keep up with her best friend. Very quickly she realised that drinking in someone’s living room was a stark difference to a loud, sticky and dark nightclub.
Madeline had been in charge of getting the next round of drinks. It was hard to guess how many rounds in they were by this point. She’d left Helen, who had taken a trip to the bathroom, to fix her lipstick, whilst she bought herself another vodka martini and a fresh glass of rosé for Hel.
At some point, she realised she’d lost Helen in the sea of bodies. That she couldn’t be in the bathroom still if she was just checking her makeup. It didn’t help that she had her own concoction of strong spirits flowing through her as she began to push her way through the crowd of drunken dancers. Catching a quick glimpse of her.
One moment, Helen had been swaying and singing along to Madonna’s ‘Lucky Star’, free as a bird, living her best life. The next she was gone again.
A blur of strawberry blonde hair and silver bracelets caught her eye again, followed by a “let me go”. That’s when she noticed that Helen had been roughly escorted off the dance floor by some boy.
“I think you’ve had enough, don’t you.” Madeline heard the male voice sneer at her friend.
“Who are you to tell me what to do?” She heard Helen retort back.
“You’re embarrassing yourself, Helen. You always do when she is around.”
“Leave Maddie alone.”
It had become clear that girls night had been officially gate crashed by Helen’s (arguably attractive, but incredibly stuck up) boyfriend, Bobby.
Bobby didn’t like Madeline. Looked down on her all the time and never shied away from telling her what he truly thought of her.
The thing was, Helen and Bobby had only really been going out with one another for five months. Despite it all, that boy was far too comfortable berating Helen in public, shaming her, shouting at her as if she was a child disobeying him. She had blossomed into a much more self-assured and confident woman, when Bobby wasn’t around. She was supposed to be the confident young woman letting her hair down and enjoying herself for a change, free from her usual uptight and serious self that she tried to maintain for the sake of propriety.
“I said let me go, Bobby. This is my favourite song.” Helen slurred slightly as she tried to bat Bobby’s grip from her.
“You’re being ridiculous. This is exactly why I shouldn’t have let you go out tonight.”
Bobby could be heard over the music. He had been deliberately loud in his attempt to humiliate Helen and Madeline’s blood began to boil.
Helen had been much better at standing up for herself, lately. No longer feeling as guilty when she enforced a boundary or engaged in necessary confrontation. It still caused her some anxiety, but no where near as much as it used to. She could hold her own, but Madeline knew when she needed to intervene. When she took one look into her best friend’s eyes and knew she was about to fall apart.
“I’m not a child and I’m certainly not your property. I need to find Madeline.” She slurred, again, still trying to release herself from her boyfriend’s grip. That was all the blonde needed.
“No, we’re going.” He pulled her roughly by the arm again. “Blondie can-”
“Oh my god, there you are Hel Belle.” Madeline squealed. She made her way closer, kissing Helen on the cheek, deliberately leaving a lipstick stain behind. Behaving as if she had stumbled across the couple by chance, and not as if she was some apex predator ready to pounce. Deliberately ignoring the comment she had interrupted.
She made the effort to put extra emphasis on the affectionate nickname for Helen, knowing full well it upset Bobby. Helen wouldn’t let Bobby call her anything other than her name or the usual terms of endearment couples used with each other.
The look of gratitude in Hel’s eyes hadn’t gone unnoticed by the blonde.
“Maddie.” Helen breathed, gratefully. She’d managed to finally pull free from her boyfriend’s grasp as she wrapped her arm around hers, laying her head on the blonde’s shoulder.
“You okay?” She asked.
Helen only nodded slightly, before she allowed Madeline to take her hand and let herself be escorted towards the exit.
“Where do you think you’re going? I was talking to my girlfriend.” The douche - that Helen voluntarily called her boyfriend - shouted at them.
“Fuck off, Bobby.” Madeline shouted back, not even looking back over her shoulder.
“It’s alright, Hel Belle.” Madeline cooed as she reached out to tuck a loose curl of auburn hair behind Helen’s ear.
Something had snapped in her the moment she had laid eyes on Bobby tonight and the way he had ambushed Helen out of nowhere. She was finally enjoying herself and not feeling self-conscious, as she usually did. It was Mad’s birthday, of course Bobby would be the one to ruin it. Although, to Madeline, Bobby had a habit of ruining everything when he was around.
They sat on some brick stairs outside the venue. Madeline not noticing until now that Helen’s bottom lip had begun to quiver and the dam of tears finally broke.
“Hey, hey, hey. What’s all this for?” Madeline whispered as she cupped her cheeks, thumb catching the stray tears as they fell.
“I’m sorry, Maddie. I ruined everything. God, I’m so pathetic.” Helen managed to squeak in defeat. Madeline realised in that moment that she was somehow a little more sober than the woman in her arms.
“No. I’m not letting you do this. You’re allowed to have fun, Hel. I don’t care what he says.” The look of disgust in her face was hard to disguise. “If anyone has ruined anything, it’s Bobby, if not just because he made you cry, again.”
Helen pouted sadly at her before nodding back. She moved so she could wrap an arm around Madeline’s waist as she curled back into her. Patiently waiting for Madeline to run her nails across her spine and through her hair in the way that always soothed her.
They sat there in silence. Neither wanting to break the spell of the moment. The bass from the music inside vibrated through the wall and the traffic from the street occasionally interrupted too. Breath mingled at varying tempos.
Madeline continued to run her fingers through auburn hair, only pausing to press the occasional kiss to the top of Helen’s head in comfort. Helen’s breathing had soon returned to a normal, less angry, rate as a result of her friend’s adoring ministrations.
“Why don’t you like Bobby?” Helen suddenly murmured against her neck.
The question threw the blonde for a loop. She hoped to God that Helen hadn’t felt her body stiffen or the way she tried to tighten her hold on her, pulling her closer in an attempt to hide it.
How was she supposed to tell Helen that the reason she disliked her boyfriend so much was because she had come to realise that she was in love with her? That she hated the way Bobby spoke to and treated her. How she wished she could be the one her best friend had heart eyes for instead, and give her the moon and the stars if she asked.
Madeline wanted to tell Helen that she was a goddess worthy of worship. That she deserved kindness, softness and sweetness. That she didn’t have to settle for Bobby. That she understood her so well and would cherish her forever and always. How the boyfriends of her past had never been worthy of her love and attention.
Helen was still incredibly drunk…the only logical explanation for such a loaded question. She would have never asked her if she was sober. They spoke about many things, but Helen’s boyfriends and Madeline’s conquests usually were a sore subject between them. Neither liked the reality of the other being with another boy, but neither were brave enough to voice it to the other.
For now, just holding Helen was enough for her. Being a source of comfort, a safe place and the one she knew she could always rely on. It had to be enough.
“Hel…” Madeline faked a smile as she tried to find her next words.
The redhead somehow found a way to curl impossibly closer into her. Her face in the crook of her neck, lips dangerously close to her collarbone. It could only be described as exquisite torture.
“He’s not all bad. Not always.” Helen hiccupped. Tears wiped with the palm of her hand smudging mascara and eyeliner down her cheeks. The blonde wasn’t sure if she was trying to reassure her or herself. “I promise, Mads.”
What Helen hadn’t told Madeline was that she and Bobby had got into a huge fight before she returned to Madeline to get ready for the night. How he had a huge problem with how close Helen and Madeline still were, especially since she had agreed to go out with him, and how Helen centred her entire universe around her best friend.
Voices were raised, accusations were thrown around and Bobby suddenly came to a realisation. Not that it made him sympathetic, it made him more possessive if anything. Instead of confronting the truth, Helen had left quickly. Not wanting him to see her cry, not wanting to go back to Madeline looking like she had been crying.
“He shouldn’t be bad at all, Hel Belle.” Madeline had finally found herself saying.
Helen pulled back and looked at her with sad eyes.
“I know.” She whispered.
Loving Helen was the easiest thing in the world. She really didn’t understand why it was so hard for Bobby or anyone else.
It was well known that Madeline Ashton and Helen Sharp had always communicated best through their eyes. Whilst Helen thought she was assuring her best friend with her words that she was okay, that her boyfriend wasn’t the piece of shit that Madeline often accused him of being, her eyes always betrayed her. Whether it was intentional was an entirely different story. Much to the redhead’s chagrin, Madeline could read her like a book with just one quick glance in to her favourite pair of eyes.
“Maddie?” Helen whispered. Exhaustion and shyness hitting her like a tonne of bricks.
Madeline only needed to look. At her and she knew.
“Of course, Helly. Let’s go.”
Madeline stood up slowly to combat her own unsteadiness, but to ensure that Helen didn’t fall to the ground in her similar state. Hailing a taxi had been a difficult feat all night so they would have to make it back on foot. Not that either of them seemed to mind.
Walking through the streets she was very well acquainted with after similar nights, just before the sun was due to rise, had never felt longer in her life. The street lights were still dim, only lighting the way a little bit. Madeline may have been used to this journey, but Helen was not. The blonde had hoped the cold night air had sobered them both up a little. Enough that they would still have the inevitable hangover, but they could make the rest of the way home without any trouble.
Fingers were still entangled the closer they were to their shared apartment. Neither wanted to arrive home too quickly. The excuse to be closer than usual due to intoxication heightened under the moonlight. Not that they really needed a reason.
“Why can’t boys be like girls?” Helen giggled, her question seemingly coming from nowhere.
Madeline had of course pondered the same question a lot. Amongst others, like: why did she recoil when a boy would put an arm around her, but having Helen hold her had never felt close enough? Why did she feel the urge to throw up the moment a boy’s lips came in contact with her own, and yet if Helen had kissed her cheek and accidentally left a lipstick mark, she wished she could tattoo it? How disgusting she felt when she let a boy touch her, wishing it was actually her best friend instead. The answer was painstakingly obvious, but she didn’t have the emotional capacity to unpack any of it yet. She knew the answer, she just couldn’t admit it out loud.
Instead, Madeline giggled back, an attempt to hide her own existentialism. “The universe knew we would be too powerful for that.”
Helen only smiled back in response. The yearning in her eyes unmistakable. Staring straight into her soul. The blonde couldn’t work out if it was the vodka or her own wishful thinking. At least until, Helen placed her hands on her face, cupping her jaw. Green eyes twinkling in the moonlight before they fluttered closed and shyly captured her lips with her own.
Before she had realised what was happening, Madeline felt Helen’s hands slowly trail from her cheeks, to her jaw, down her neck, finally resting with one draped over her shoulder and the other tangled in dark blonde hair, pulling her closer. It was the feeling of Helen’s tongue in her mouth and the soft sighs of delight as she continued to kiss her, that shook Madeline out of her daze.
It was the most euphoric Madeline had ever felt. Helen was just as soft, just as perfect, as she had dreamt about. The gentle way her lips moved against hers. The tender way Helen tangled her fingers in her hair, to pull her even closer, which she was sure wasn’t actually possible. The delicate way her tongue explored her mouth, as if she was a delicacy that she needed to taste every corner of. It made her dizzy. Helen Sharp tasted like fancy rosé and magic. It was the closest the blonde would ever get to heaven. That she was sure about.
Except reality had come crashing down on them the moment Helen unashamedly moaned against her lips. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to happen. Not a drunken kiss that they would pretend to forget about because Helen had a boyfriend and Madeline…well she didn’t know what her reason was anymore.
So it was the blonde, in her state of overthinking, that reluctantly pulled away. The whine that had escaped Helen at the separation hadn’t helped her situation. She had already fallen too deep with Helen, she wasn’t strong enough to fall further.
Madeline stood frozen. Panic in her eyes as her head reeled. The redhead hadn’t moved either. Eyes wide, pupils blown and lips still pouted as she realised what had just happened. She had seen hurt in those green eyes many a time, but nothing to this extent. Had never been the reason for it. God, she had fucked this up already.
“Hel, I-” Madeline started, but Helen cut her off immediately.
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry, Mad.” She tried to look nonchalant, but it was obvious she was spiralling when she refused to look her way.
Quietness enveloped them, but became immediately unbearable. How different it felt to be perceived by Helen this way, right now, and yet she wanted nothing more than to run and hide under her covers. Her lips still burned from where they had been touched by Helen’s not too long ago.
“No, you don’t understand. I just-”
“Honestly, it’s alright, Madeline. Please forget I did anything. The sun is going to rise before we get home at this rate.” Helen’s tone resigned. She had taken her hand again but didn’t look at her as she started to lead them home again.
Maybe the actress’ thoughts surrounding the relationship with her best friend weren’t as confusing as she had first thought. Maybe there was some hope there? Helen was embarrassed because she thought she had been rejected, not because she realised she had made a genuine mistake. Her subconscious very clearly had taken over and Madeline was partly grateful it had. It had made things much clearer.
Had Helen always been this obvious and she just hadn’t realised? Perhaps she was a better actress than she had given her credit for.
What a mess. She hadn’t intended to fall hopelessly in love with Helen, but perhaps tonight had been a sign from the universe. A sign that told her to not lose hope. To be patient. That everything might just work out.
Holding Helen’s hand whilst being gently dragged home by her in quiet was a good sign that Helen hadn’t been completely spooked.
Only time would tell.