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“Have you seen Bucky?” Steve asks, looking around in confusion. He thought that Bucky followed him to the elevator.
“I think he’s still in there.” Natasha points back to where they came from. Steve goes back to the common room, through the kitchen and to the living room section. The sight that meets him makes him smile softly.
Bucky is right where Steve left him, sitting in an uncomfortable armchair that Tony bought for looks alone. His head is tilted forward, chin tucked against this chest, arms limp in his lap, and he’s asleep.
Steve just looks at him for a moment, at how peaceful he looks with his mouth hanging open, soft puffs of air leaving him. It’s truly amazing how easily Bucky is able to fall asleep, no matter where he is. Steve should’ve guessed that he fell asleep somewhere between agreeing to go home and actually getting up.
“Isn’t it strange?” A soft voice comes from behind him. Steve controls his reaction, only a slight twitch of his shoulders showing that he’s startled. Natasha followed him, looking at Bucky with suspicion.
“Is what strange?” Steve asks. It’s common knowledge at this point that Bucky falls asleep anywhere and everywhere. No one ever questions it.
“That he’s sleeping.” Natasha says.
“I’m more worried about him sleeping at all than when he does it.” Steve counters. The first step in Bucky’s recovery was learning to rest. It took weeks for him to stop fighting the sleepiness, even though he always lost, sometimes while talking or standing up. They can worry about his sleep schedule later.
“But- Here?” Natasha questions. She has a point. Bucky is exposed here, vulnerable to anyone in the entire building. Steve never really thought about it because Bucky has done this ever since returning.
“He must’ve been really tired.” Steve reasons. He hears Bucky at all hours of the night, moving around in the apartment. The light is always on in his room when Steve gets up for the bathroom or a glass of water. Sometimes he finds Bucky doing something in the living room, or eating in the kitchen, as if it isn’t the middle of the night.
“I don’t know Steve. He doesn’t even react to our voices. Does that seem right to you?” She uses that tone that implies more. As if Steve is slow, and she already has it all figured out. But there doesn’t have to be some deeper reason for everything. Bucky is still learning how to be a person; and sleep is a complicated part of that.
“He’s been through a lot.” Steve wonders if it’s a trauma response. He’s seen soldiers fall asleep at the most inconvenient times, bodies shutting down with inability to process or handle what they’ve gone through. He’s even experienced it himself, once. Nothing could’ve kept him aware or awoken him from the slumber.
Steve quietly pulls up a chair next to Bucky so he can watch over him while he sleeps. Natasha is right; he’s exposed here, and he won’t like it when he wakes up and realizes where he is. Steve sees no reason to wake him up, he clearly needs sleep, but he can keep him safe, make sure he’s comfortable when he wakes up.
Half an hour passes before Bucky starts to stir. His lips smack together, fingers twitching, and then his eyes open halfway. For a moment, he looks soft and rested, but then he goes rigid. His eyes focus on something, but when Steve follows their direction, there’s nothing but a blank wall. Bucky barely even breathes, staring at nothing and bracing as if ready for a fight.
Then he suddenly relaxes, looking around in confusion before his eyes land on Steve. He looks surprised, which is surprising. Steve expected him to be aware of his presence the moment he woke up, especially with how guarded he was.
“Not again.” Bucky mutters, inaudible to normal ears. “Sorry.” He speaks louder. There’s a deep frown on his face, fear in his eyes.
“For sleeping? You don’t have to apologize.” Steve says. He brushes a few strands of hair out of Bucky’s face, allowing a vulnerability that is normally reserved for the privacy of their apartment.
“Didn’t mean to.” Bucky says, still apologetic. He looks expectantly at Steve, like he’s supposed to have a bigger reaction. Just because Bucky doesn’t fight sleep now, doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel like he does something wrong. He always apologizes, and Steve can never figure out why.
“It’s okay to sleep, Buck. I just stayed to watch over you.” Steve explains. At that, Bucky smiles. Barely, but it’s there.
★
The weather is perfect for a run. The sun hides behind thin clouds, a light breeze in the air, but no rain. Bucky is never the one to suggest physical activity, but he usually doesn’t refuse when Steve suggests it.
Bucky’s serum made him faster, but not as fast as Steve, so Steve goes slower than normal to allow him to keep up. These runs aren’t really for Steve; if he wants to challenge himself, he’ll go alone. Movement is good for Bucky’s mental health, he always looks calmer after.
They stick to the area around the Avengers compound, going around the park Stark set up, and the lake a little further out. There isn’t another soul out here, no one to bump into that could make Bucky nervous. Steve probably coddles him, but it feels justified.
Once they break the tree line of the forest, Bucky falters. It’s only slightly, just barely falling behind before catching up, but Steve is quick to pick up on it. Spotting a bench nearby, he leads them in that direction, slowing down before coming to a stop.
“Let’s take a break before we head back.” He says, sitting down before Bucky can protest. Unsurprisingly, Bucky doesn’t say anything. There was a time he was talkative, loved hearing his own voice, but not anymore. Steve can’t wait for the day he finds his words again.
The bench overlooks the lake, making a beautiful spot to take a break. They sit in comfortable silence, sharing the nostalgia settling over the moment. This forest, this lake, was already here a century ago. It has changed and grown, but it survived all that time. There’s something comforting about that.
They don’t sit there for long before a movement out of the corner of Steve’s eye catches his attention. He looks over to see Bucky’s head drop back with sleep. It’s such a common occurrence that Steve simply uses his hand as a headrest, lifting Bucky’s head so his neck won’t strain.
Steve feels guilty for not realizing how tired Bucky was. He should’ve noticed and made him stay home. Or better yet; never asked him to come. It would’ve been so easy to head out alone while Bucky slept.
He wonders why Bucky didn’t say anything. Steve never would’ve been mad at him for being too tired. Even if he simply didn’t feel like it, Steve would let him stay home. He might’ve asked if he was sure, knowing how important physical activity is for Bucky’s wellbeing, but it’s important that Bucky has control over his own life.
He thinks about what Natasha said when Bucky fell asleep in the common room. It makes even less sense for him to fall asleep here, out in the open. Even Steve could barely sleep in his own apartment, behind multiple locked doors, for months before he started feeling safe again. With Bucky’s history, and the anxiety and paranoia he experiences when awake, he shouldn’t be able to fall asleep in a place like this.
Eventually, Bucky’s eyes open. They’re filled with fear, his breathing speeding up, but he doesn’t move a single muscle. Steve immediately recognizes what is happening; Bucky started having sleep paralysis during the war.
“I got you, you’re safe.” Steve reassures him, feeling sick at the horror in Bucky’s eyes. Steve wonders what he’s seeing, if it’s a memory of something his mind conjured up. “Deep breaths.” Steve demonstrates with exaggerated breaths, watching Bucky try to copy the movement. “It’ll pass in a moment, it’s not dangerous.”
They breathe together for a moment, Bucky’s breath stuttered and weak. His eyes never leave Steve’s, as if he’s Bucky’s anchor when he can’t trust his mind. Steve grabs his hand, squeezing comfortingly.
“Good, just keep breathing.” Steve encourages. It becomes a little easier to breathe, and a small movement touches Steve’s palm.
When Bucky finally snaps out of it, his body jolts into movement, almost like he’s trying to run away, but stops himself before he can jump up.
“Sorry.” Bucky apologizes, looking down. His breathing is still slightly erratic. Steve can practically see the way his heart hammers in his throat.
“Nothing to apologize for.” Steve says, just like always. “You could’ve told me you were tired.” He continues, unable to help himself. He needs Bucky to know that he’s allowed to voice his needs.
“I wasn’t that tired.” Bucky says. He looks just confused enough for Steve to believe it. Not that he wasn’t tired, just that he wasn’t aware. It can’t be easy to relearn all the signals of his body, what they all mean, and how to react to them.
They wait a few more minutes before returning, walking back to the compound. It is no surprise when Bucky falls back asleep on the couch while Steve prepares lunch.
★
“I’m sorry.” Bucky mumbles, rubbing his eyes as he wakes up. Steve smiles softly at how Bucky’s hair has flattened on one side. He runs a hand through it, feeling the soft locks. Bucky’s eyes close with a sigh, leaning into the touch.
“You know you can tell me if you need a nap, right? You don’t have to ask permission to go lie down.” Steve tries to word himself right, so it doesn’t sound like he’s mad.
“I know.” Bucky says through a yawn. Steve loves seeing him like this; soft with sleep and relaxed in a way he only is at home.
“Then why don’t you?” Steve wonders.
“I can’t control it. I just fall asleep. If I even realize it’ll happen, I’m too tired to care where I am.” Bucky explains. He sits up a little straighter, the sleep gone from his eyes.
“Don’t you feel sleepy?” Steve asks in confusion. He struggles so much with his own sleep, it’s hard to believe that someone can fall asleep without realizing.
“Constantly. Only time I feel better is right after waking up.” Bucky says. It sounds exhausting, but it explains why he struggles so much with staying awake.
“Are you tired now?” Steve asks curiously.
“I just woke up. Give me like fifteen minutes.” And sure enough, a little while later, Bucky falls asleep between one sentence and the next, eyes closing and body softening while Steve asks a question. Steve shakes his head with a smile, staying as quiet as possible to let him sleep.
★
Steve hates leaving Bucky to go on missions. He isn’t entirely present the entire time he’s gone. His thoughts are back home, wondering if Bucky is okay, if he allows himself to rest, if he’s scared when he wakes up, if he has sleep paralysis.
Coming home is always like a breath of fresh air. Knowing that he’s available if Bucky needs him. When Sam and Natasha ask him to dinner to talk through the mission, Steve declines on the account of being needed elsewhere. And that’s how all of them end up in Steve and Bucky’s apartment, crowded around the small dining table that is only meant for two.
They ordered way too much food. Steve will carefully pack away the leftovers later and make sure it all gets eaten before it goes bad. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to throw out perfectly good food. He knows all too well how it feels to not have any.
Steve thinks Bucky secretly likes being part of the debriefings. He throws in little comments about how to optimize, using what he learned from Hydra to help them be as efficient as possible. Steve used to worry that he hurts himself thinking about Hydra, but when he asked, Bucky said that he liked using his knowledge for something good. He will never admit that to anyone else though. Even when Natasha worries they’re intruding.
Sam stops talking in the middle of a sentence, catches Steve’s eye and tilts his head in Bucky’s direction. He sits at Steve’s side, so he hasn’t really kept an eye on him throughout the conversation. Looking over now, he isn’t sure what to make of what he’s seeing.
Bucky’s eyes are blank, looking at nothing. His hand keeps bringing food up to his mouth, but none of it passes his lips. It’s as if he’s somewhere else, but his body continues the motion he was doing before.
“Buck?” Steve asks, laying a hand on his shoulder. Bucky doesn’t react. Steve feels eyes on him, especially Natasha’s judgmental ones, but he doesn’t show how uneasy he feels seeing Bucky like this.
“Is he asleep?” Sam asks. Steve lays a hand over Bucky’s, allowing it to rest on the table. Bucky’s head drops forward, eyes sliding closed, clearly asleep. It is as if his body didn’t get the memo that he was asleep until Steve stopped the movement.
“Is he not sleeping at night?” Natasha asks.
“He does, but it’s usually like this. He doesn’t seem to be able to sleep for very long at a time.” Steve says. He stayed with Bucky one night to see if it would help, but Bucky kept waking up restless, refreshed like it was already morning. He’d find something to do until he got tired again, falling asleep sitting up or even standing as if it came out of nowhere.
“And it happens randomly?” Natasha asks. Steve can tell she’s onto something, but he isn’t sure he wants to hear it. The thought that something could be wrong is terrifying.
“He says he can’t control it.” Steve replies. “I’m gonna get him to the couch.” He carefully lifts Bucky, thankful for his own strength, and carries him into the living room. He considers the bedroom but wants to keep an eye on him. Draping a blanket over Bucky, Bucky doesn’t react at all, dead asleep already.
Once Steve gets back to the table, Sam and Natasha look strangely at him.
“This isn’t normal, Steve.” Natasha says, frowning at Bucky’s sleeping form.
“What even is normal anymore?” Steve mutters. No one’s ever been in Bucky’s situation, how can they say what’s normal? If anything, they should be learning from him, just for the fact that he’s not completely broken by the trauma of what he went through.
Steve watched a documentary once of a little girl who was kidnapped. The mother slept for a week because her mind shut down, unable to handle the emotional toll. And he’s read about children of war who sleep for months or years, only waking up when they understood that they were safe. Perhaps this is Bucky’s way of handling the flashbacks. “Don’t you see this at the VA, Sam?”
“No, can’t say I do.” Sam says, looking concerned.
“It’s normal for him.” Steve says protectively, while silently worrying about it.
“Explains why he used to fall asleep on the job.” Natasha comments, going back to her food. Steve copies her, but it tastes like paper in his mouth.
“What do you mean?” Steve asks, stomach knotting up.
“My first mission with him was a stakeout and he fell asleep. They didn’t like that very much,” Her gentle way of saying that he was punished. “But it kept happening. Never in combat, just whenever things got slow or we were stationary.”
Steve looks at Bucky, remembering the way he always apologizes when he wakes up, and his heart hurts. No wonder he feels like he’s doing something wrong when he used to wake up to punishments. No matter how many times Steve tells him it’s okay, his sleepy mind must forget that he’s safe in the first seconds of being awake.
Another thing occurs to Steve then. If the Winter Soldier fell asleep like this too, it’s not a recent trauma response. It’s something that started happening while he was the Winter Soldier, while he couldn’t remember who he was or the hurt he’d felt.
Steve’s chest feels tight, reminding him of an asthma attack. Perhaps something really is wrong. It’s as if Bucky has lost control of when he’s awake or asleep, but is that even possible?
“Even they knew it wasn’t normal, Steve.” Natasha’s voice softens.
“You’re gonna listen to them now?” Steve snaps, still unable to admit his worry. It seems to do the trick; Sam goes back to debriefing, and Natasha follows his lead. They don’t mention Bucky again.
★
“I think you should try to stay awake today.” Steve not-so gently brings up the idea at breakfast. Bucky, who has a sandwich halfway into his mouth, puts it down, scowling.
“What do you think I’ve been doing?” He says flatly.
“I know you’re tired, but maybe it’ll help you sleep through the night, and then you won’t be so tired during the day.” Steve explains. It seems that the time has come to try to fix Bucky’s sleep schedule. The way he sleeps is doing more harm than good at this point.
“I don’t even feel myself fall asleep half the time. I just wake up.” Bucky reminds him.
“It might help you.” Steve reasons. “And I’ll help you stay awake.” He isn’t sure how to do that. How do you keep someone awake when they fall asleep while eating? Or any time they sit down for long enough?
“Fine.” Bucky grumbles, giving in easier than Steve expected.
It turns out to be even harder than Steve imagined. To help him stay awake, he tags along on Steve’s workday. Even just going downstairs, Bucky seems to fade away when he leans against the wall of the elevator.
“Buck?” Steve says. Bucky groans, opening one eye before the other, widening them like he’s trying to force the sleepiness away. It’s kind of adorable.
Figuring that paperwork isn’t the best way to keep Bucky awake, Steve takes him to Tony’s workshop to check out the new shield he’s working on. Bucky seems fascinated by the futuristic technology littering the room. It takes Steve back to their teen years, when Bucky looked the exact same way at Howard’s inventions.
Steve turns his back for a minute, and Bucky almost falls over when he starts nodding off leaning against the back of a chair. The chair clattering to the floor snaps him awake and brings Steve’s attention back to him. Tony tells them to leave before they break anything, and shoots Steve a strange look while Bucky isn’t looking.
Bucky seems to find it easier to stay awake after that. The gym gives him something to focus on, and Steve watches with a smile as he spars with Natasha. Sometimes, Steve forgets that Bucky taught her most of what she knows, and watching the two is like watching a choreographed dance.
When Natasha gets bored and switches places with Steve, things get interesting. Despite how different their fighting styles are, Bucky foresees his every move. It’s no easier to beat him than it was to fight the Winter Soldier. Fighting isn’t a conscious thing; it’s in muscle memory, in instincts, and the Winter Soldier is still in Bucky’s bones.
Steve has to go to a meeting before lunch, and they plan to meet back at the apartment after. Bucky promises not to sit down if he’s sleepy, agreeing that this might help in the long run. He says he’ll do everything to stay awake, even ask F.R.I.D.A.Y to wake him up if he falls asleep.
It’s a short meeting for Steve. They don’t need him for anything else after twenty minutes, so he heads out. Taking the elevator back to his floor, he spots something that isn’t entirely unexpected beside his front door. Bucky.
He’s sitting on the floor, slid down enough to put a kink in his neck. His eyes are closed, body limp. It’s as if he couldn’t take the few steps through the door to get to bed.
Right in that moment, Steve decides that this isn’t working. Bucky isn’t just tired; he really can’t control it. His chest tightens with worry; he can’t ignore it any longer, something is wrong.
He quietly unlocks the door before picking Bucky up and carrying him inside, carefully tucking him into bed and staying by his side while he sleeps.
★
Peter is staying over for the weekend, working on something with Stark. It’s crazy how different the energy of the entire compound feels with a kid in the building. For one, he’s been pulling pranks on everyone.
Bruce found post-it notes covering every surface of his lab. Natasha pretended to be unfazed by fake bugs inside the ice cubes in her drink. And Clint chased him through the common room when all his cookies had been rolled in salt.
When Peter asked Steve to help him prank Bucky, he wasn’t hard to convince. He felt all soft inside at how normal Peter treats Bucky, despite what he’s heard about his past. He’s one of the only people who doesn’t act like he will suddenly attack everyone.
Steve waits for Bucky to fall asleep, knowing he’s dead to the world once he’s out. Then he calls up Peter and the two of them get started. Knowing that they don’t have long, they work together as a team. Peter fills cups with water, leaving them on the kitchen counter, and Steve places them all around the couch, covering the floor.
Bucky stays asleep for over an hour this time, giving them plenty of time to set up. Then they sit in the kitchen and wait. Steve makes small talk, asking Peter about school, friends, home, the normal things that have nothing to do with Spider-Man.
Steve quickly decides that he’s a nice kid, a little awkward, but that’s better than being over-confident. He sees himself in Peter, the wish to do good, to affect everyone around him in a positive way. It makes him sentimental to think about how much has changed since Steve was that age, back when he thought he could fix the world.
“The hell?” Steve perks up at the familiar voice, turning to the couch. He hears Peter giggle when Bucky looks around in confusion, attempting to calculate a path that won’t end up with water everywhere. “How the hell am I supposed to get out of here?” Bucky frowns at the floor, almost pouting.
Peter just laughs. Steve shrugs with a big smile. He silently thanks the kid for bringing some fun into their bleak lives, reminding him that it’s okay to have some fun.
Bucky huffs, and walks right through the cups, spilling water everywhere. His face is tight, looking far from pleased, and Steve suddenly wonders if it was too soon to do something like this.
Then Bucky’s face breaks out in a big smile, laughter falling from his lips. The sound is so beautiful that Steve forgets what he’s doing. He hasn’t heard it in so long, he forgot how it sounds.
The joy of the moment vanishes when Bucky abruptly goes quiet before folding to the floor. More cups are knocked over, soaking Bucky’s clothes when he lands in a heap on the floor.
“Bucky!” Steve reacts quickly, but Bucky is already awake, blinking at the ceiling.
“I’m okay, sorry.” Bucky says. Steve helps him up, and notices Peter looking at them with big eyes full of guilt. Steve wishes he hadn’t agreed to this, and he feels terrible for putting Peter in this situation.
“I-I thought it would be funny.” Peter stutters, looking like he’s about to cry. To Steve’s surprise, Bucky chuckles, looking around at the dozens of cups.
“It is funny, kid. I need that laugh, thank you.” Bucky says, legs buckling when he starts laughing again. Steve keeps him from going all the way down this time, heart hammering in his chest. What the hell is going on?
“You’re the one who did this, you get to clean up.” Bucky says, looking right at Steve. Peter relaxes, and then he’s laughing, pointing out how soaked Bucky’s clothes are. Steve almost laughs too, but he can’t get rid of the image of Bucky crumbling to the floor.
It’s only after Peter has left and the evidence of the prank has been cleaned up that Steve asks him about it.
“Did you pass out?” Steve asks, replaying the moment over and over in his mind. Bucky didn’t seem groggy after, and his eyes were open when he lied on the floor, but what else could’ve happened?
“What? No. I just felt a little weak.” Bucky shrugs it off, as if it’s a completely normal thing to happen.
“But you collapsed, Buck. You completely collapsed.” Steve insists. He’s seen many men fall like that. It’s never a good thing, and they don’t always get back up.
“That’s just what happens when I feel things strongly.” Bucky explains, once again like it’s a normal thing that happens to everyone.
“But what happened?” Steve asks desperately. He can’t move on from this until he has an explanation.
Bucky stays quiet for a long moment, searching for words. “I don’t know, I feel weak, but I don’t lose consciousness. I just can’t move. But it never lasts very long.”
“You’re paralyzed?” Steve isn’t sure if that’s any better than passing out. “When does it happen?”
“When things get a bit much. Was nice for it to happen when I laughed this time.” Bucky smiles sadly. Steve hears the words between the lines. This doesn’t normally happen when he laughs. More likely, it’s when he’s hurting, sad or angry; when he’s in pain. It hurts to hear, because Steve was never there to help him through it.
“I don’t think this is normal, Buck. Maybe you should see someone about it.” Steve can’t ignore this any longer, something could be seriously wrong. He no longer wants to pretend it’s fine, he can’t pretend once he realizes it’s not just about sleep.
“No.” Bucky says flatly, shaking his head sharply.
“And the sleeping? What if something’s wrong?” Steve feels panicky and has to concentrate on breathing. He doesn’t want to freak Bucky out, but he needs to understand that what he’s experiencing isn’t something they should overlook.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. I’ll try harder.” Bucky looks terrified, bracing himself, and Steve’s heart breaks. He wonders if this is the sort of moment where Bucky sometimes collapses, if it would’ve happened if he was standing up. OR if it’s random that it doesn’t happen this time.
“I’m not mad at you Buck, I just worry about you.” Steve softens his voice, but Bucky doesn’t relax. “Would I watch over you when you sleep if it bothered me?” That seems to reassure him, at least a little. He still looks tense, shaking his head again.
“I can’t do doctors, you know that.” Bucky says, almost desperately. Steve knows, and he understands, but he isn’t sure that they have much of a choice. He can’t force Bucky though.
“Just think about it, okay?”
★
It takes weeks, but in the end, Bucky agrees to get checked out. He seems to have had enough when he falls asleep in the shower and Steve threatens to watch him shower until they know it’s safe. He’s not letting Bucky drown because he refuses to see a doctor.
Bucky begs not to go to the hospital, so Steve asks Bruce if this is something he knows anything about. Bruce looks excited at a mystery to solve, and says he’ll do his best.
The first thing he does is ask Bucky a series of questions about his sleep habits. When he falls asleep, for how long and how often, how he feels before and after sleeping, if he’s able to sleep at night, if he’s able to stay awake during the day, how tired he feels right now. Then he decides that a sleep study is needed.
After a lot of arguing and panic, and Bucky collapsing multiple times just like that time Peter pranked him, Bruce is finally allowed to glue electrodes to his scalp to monitor his brain activity while he sleeps.
Bucky can’t be given a sedative because it could interfere with the results, so Steve does his best to help Bucky breathe through it, reminding him over and over that it’s safe and no one will harm him.
Steve’s stomach twists at the sight of Bucky tangled up in so many wires. The emptiness in his eyes is even more haunting, but Bucky does what he knows best. He’s asleep within minutes of lying down. Steve sits beside his bed the entire time, ready to help if he has a nightmare or sleep paralysis, or if he just wakes up scared or panicky.
The wires are kept on for hours, catching multiple of his naps throughout the day. Steve keeps him as calm as possible with reassuring words and comforting touches, but still has to catch Bucky every time he is overwhelmed and loses strength.
Now that he’s seen Bucky collapse so many times, he realizes that the time with Peter wasn’t the first time. He didn’t recognize it at first because he’s never seen Bucky lose strength in his entire body before, but there’s been plenty of instances of his head dropping for a couple seconds before he returns to what he was doing. Steve figured he was just really sleepy, like when someone’s so tired they struggle to keep their head up.
The next test Bruce wants to do is a spinal tap. Steve doesn’t bother asking if Bruce is qualified to do all of these tests; they all know it’s him or no one. For this, Bruce gives Bucky a sedative, and he’s out like a light, sleeping for much longer than normal. Steve has to carry him back to the apartment, tucking him into bed. He gets a little worried when Bucky is still asleep three hours later.
Bruce takes a few days to analyze the tests, and what he finds is both confusing and comforting. He explains that Bucky entered REM sleep much faster than normal, between seven and fifteen minutes after falling asleep; at least three times sooner than the average person. In addition, the spinal tap showed low levels of something called hypocretin.
“Hypocretin?” Steve repeats, having never heard the word before. None of this makes much sense to him, he barely knows that REM is a stage of sleep.
“In simple terms, it’s a chemical in the brain that regulates sleep and wakefulness.” Bruce explains. He is good at being professional in the doctor role, but Steve knows him well enough to know he’d be glad to go into detail of every function hypocretin has, and exactly how Bucky’s low levels affect him.
“What does that mean?” Bucky asks, taking an interest for the first time. Steve got the impression that he went through all the testing for Steve’s sake, but maybe not. He must’ve wondered what was going on too.
“Along with the cataplexy attacks; I can confidently say that you have narcolepsy type 1.” Bruce then has to explain what narcolepsy is because neither Steve nor Bucky have ever heard of it. He tells them that it’s a neurological condition that affects Bucky’s sleep cycle. It causes him to have sleep attacks, insomnia, cataplexy, which is when he enters REM sleep while awake and loses muscle function, sleep paralysis, hallucinations when falling asleep or waking up, and-
And Steve’s head spins. In some ways it feels like a ton of information is dumped in his lap. At the same time, he already knew most of this. Bucky’s symptoms are not new to him; they just didn’t have an explanation for it before.
Looking over a Bucky, he looks relieved. His shoulders are lower than they’ve been in months. And suddenly Steve understands just how worried he’s been too.
★
Back in their apartment, Bucky lies on the couch with his head in Steve’s lap. Steve runs his fingers through his long hair, deep in thought. Bruce couldn’t tell them why Bucky developed narcolepsy but theorized about cryo and the electric shock treatments.
Steve feels sick at the thought that it damaged Bucky’s brain this much but reminds himself that normal people develop the condition too. He could be genetically predisposed, and it would’ve happened at some point anyway. At least he hopes so.
Bruce recommended that Bucky schedules naps throughout the day to hopefully decrease the frequency of sleep attacks and cataplexy, and Bucky isn’t hard to ask, already falling asleep. And for once, Steve feels relaxed enough to fall asleep with him.