Chapter Text
It’s times like these that Kris hates being alive. They should be happy. They’re sitting in a Ferris wheel with their best friend Susie and their shared “date” with Noelle, during the annual town festival. They should feel great. But they only find themselves feeling miserable. Susie and Noelle are talking about something involving Berdly being annoying, not that they’re paying much attention.
They sigh, letting out their breath. The breath that would spell out “Dess” if it could. Instead, it just fogs up the window. They draw a little Susie there, along with a little Noelle. It earns a gentle laugh from the reindeer and a flustered “dumbass” from the dragon. She punches them in the shoulder, blushing deeply, before commenting that it’s missing them. They just shrug. But Susie’s been getting bolder. Learning to let herself feel vulnerable with them. Even being embarrassed around them. She leaned over, with her long, flowing locks brushing against their face, before she scratched a little Kris on the window.
“There, now we’re all together.”
“... hmm.” They make a note of contentment. They are content… they think? They just hate everything too. Fuck, it’s just… everything. But mostly her. Mostly Dess.
It’s as if her name, her very being, had etched itself into their body, their very SOUL. The agony of her loss became a constant reminder, burning deep alongside the guilt of walking down into the dark with her. Of pushing her to give in despite her warnings.
Loss, they’ve heard, is supposed to fade. That time would heal all wounds… but they knew it was a lie. These last four years had only made the agony worse. Knowing that Dess had been taken from them. Forced to be apart from her.
Don’t get them wrong, it was nothing so dramatic as being trapped in the depths of the deepest, darkest pit or turned into a demon. She was just institutionalized. Officially for behavioral problems relating to her anger, but mostly because she raped them.
They were twelve and a half and she was sixteen going on seventeen. They had been ‘playing’ together for two years at that point, starting with harmless kissing and growing increasingly more intimate before they were found out by Kris’ brother. It’s funny. For most people who knew about what happened, they’d look at Kris with such pity in their eyes. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” “You’re so strong.” “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”
If only they knew how disgusting of a person they really were deep down. Because that’s what none of them ever understood. They never liked being safe. They enjoyed the jagged edges of Dess as she pierced through their veins. They enjoyed her. They knew it was fucked up but, well, they were fucked up.
It was nice. Having her make them feel good, learning how to please her at such a young age. They felt like they had secret knowledge no one else did. Dess stole fire from Olympus and shared it only with them, scorching the both of them until they could only feel complete with each other.
And like mighty Prometheus, she was sent far away. No eagle eating all her organs though. Just a series of bullshit therapists telling her how wrong and horrible she was for showing them how fun sex could be. If Kris had their way, she’d still be with them. Still here. Either so they could confront her, or… something, they don’t really know. But thanks to one nosy, idiot brother, they’ve been apart for all this time. Still, at least they still have her mark to remember her by.
When Asriel found them laying in the field by the shelter, he gave her an ultimatum. That either she tells her and their parents, or he would. Idiot was probably hoping it would scare Dess off so he wouldn’t have to actually deal with it. Instead, she showed Kris how to make sure they’d always have each other. With her lighter, she made a pretty little mark right above their heart, a star shaped burn that remained into the present. And they pressed that same lighter into her hands.
They don’t really know why. Maybe they hated her. Maybe they hated that she would be taken away.
Or maybe they just hated themself. Not strong enough to find the words to defend what they had from their family before it was too late and Dess was gone. But they burned her, made little circles of flame-touched skin that would only heal if she willed her inner magic to do so.
They were pulled from their current thoughts by Susie shoving them. They turned to her and Noelle, the latter of whom was blushing noticeably at Susie roughhousing with Kris. “Come on, you keep getting stuck in your head, Kris! Relax, it’s the festival.”
“... sorry,” they mumble, earning a gentle chuckle from Noelle.
“You’re more distracted now than you were during our study session!”
“Heh, right?” Susie laughed. “Dweeb kept wandering off. What, you think you’re too good for us? Would rather play the piano or go pull pranks on your dad? Funny, almost like you wanted to give Noelle and I space… hmmm.” Could it be? Would this the moment Susie finally realized exactly what Kris intended for her and Noelle? Noelle’s eyes opened wide as her nose began to glow. Susie turned to look at her, and her mouth opened slightly. Only she then looked away.
“Eh, whatever. Just glad to have you here now. Thanks.” Nope, not in a million years. Kris rolled their eyes while Noelle let out a little yelp. Susie remained oblivious as the wheel continued its slow, creaky ascent.
Kris opened their mouth to reply, but they had nothing. They shrugged, looking back out at the festival as the wheel carried them further and further up into the sky. They knew Noelle enough that they could simply tell when her smile had faded. They were the rain clouds over her happy day, not that they intended to be.
“Heh, really wish this ride wasn’t so boring," Susie mumbled.
“... know how to make it fun…” Kris grinned with devilish delight as they eyed Noelle. She quirked an eyebrow before realizing exactly what they were getting at.
“Wha-wa wait wait wait wait wait! Kriiiiiiiiis! You promised you wouldn’t!” Noelle cried out, trying not to laugh despite her growing fear. Kris started rocking the cabin back and forth. With each swing, the hinges supporting their cabin creaked and groaned. Susie laughed before joining Kris in terrorizing Noelle. And despite having every right to be utterly pissed at both of them, Noelle simply laughed in between her screaming.
“Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth!” Kris and Susie chanted together, the pair both realizing what their true goal was now. To make the rickety cabin make one full rotation. The rusty metal protested, but it was no match for the combined determination of Kris and Susie. The cabin made a full 360 degree rotation as the two laughed. They were just about to attempt a second swing before whatever creaking piece of metal snapped. The wheel jerked forward and for half a second, Kris, Susie, and Noelle were convinced that it would break and send them plummeting down to their demise. But thank the Angel, it managed to hold as the Ferris wheel began to descend.
“Kris?” Noelle said in a hushed whisper. She was breathing rapidly, eyes shadowed by her bangs as she averted her gaze. Her lips quivered and it looked like she was on the verge of tears.
“... you okay?” they mumbled worriedly. She looked up. And then she jumped.
“Doooooon’t do that agaaaaaaaain!” she screamed, leaping over Susie to tackle them to the floor. Kris was helpless before the wrath of Noelle Holiday, with the prey becoming the predator. The tickle predator. They struggled against her grip while blushing furiously, a blush that wasn’t helped in the slightest by Susie cackling at their misery. Such haughtiness cannot be tolerated. Susie might be bigger, stronger, fiercer, and generally more durable than Kris, but… there’s not really a but, Kris thought.
They decided to kick Susie in the shins anyway, giggling as she yelped in surprise.
“Hey, what gives!” Susie shouted.
“got ya,” they laughed.
“Alright, that does it!” Susie reached down to grab Kris off the floor. Only right as she moved, the Ferris wheel awkwardly jerked to a halt, knocking all three over on the floor. Susie growled at Kris, glaring down at them as she opened her gaping, reptilian maw. “Hey, you know what happens to people who laugh at me?”
Kris’ giggling slowly faded out. They knew from past experience how dangerous Susie liked to be when she was angry. They almost wondered if they had crossed a line as she unhinged her jaw and slowly lowered it over their face (some part of them hoped she would, they deserved it). Only as she bumped against the cold, hard ground of the cabin, she began to giggle. And her laughter got Kris to start laughing. And then Noelle finally began to laugh. All three were reduced to giggling like little kids. Right up until the cabin doors opened and Sans waved them out.
“I'd tell you three to get a room, but you’re already in one.”
“Uhhh, get… get off me, Kris!” Susie mumbled, despite the fact she was on top of them. The flustered dino quickly shoved herself off of them while Noelle adjusted her sweater. The three quickly made their way out of the cabin, rushing past the giggling festival goers waiting in line to get on next. But at least Kris felt alive again. Nothing like a little blood rushing down below to get them thinking about anything other than the gaping hole in their SOUL where their ability to love used to be.
Once they were back out on the festival grounds, Kris turned to Susie and Noelle, tilting their head in the direction of the rows of carnival games.
“Heh, you read my mind! Come on! Let’s go see what we can win!” Susie took off running, with Kris and Noelle chasing after her. Kris and Susie quickly took up a game of ring toss. When neither could nail the shot, they eventually started trying to get the rings onto Noelle’s antlers, much to the deer’s consternation. Kris and Noelle showed off their skill in several water pistol games, and Kris watched in awe as Susie nailed the strength tester, slamming the mallet with such force it nearly knocked the bell clean off. The late evening soon transformed into night, with Kris, Susie, and Noelle walking through the fair with several well-earned prizes. Everything should have been great.
And yet, Kris had barely felt a thing through any of it. They simply moved through life in a daze, barely lingering in the present time unless they heard their name called. That changed when they spotted none other than Carol Holiday stomping through the festival. They might not be happy, but seeing Carol glowering like the grim reaper searching for lost souls caused some long dormant spark of curiosity to flicker back to life within them.
“She looks pissed. What gives?”
“Not sure. She seemed… good this morning. Oh jeez, she's coming over, I- I need to hide!” Noelle shrieked as she desperately searched for someplace to hide. But upon finding nothing, she simply ducked behind Susie. A dark pink flushed furiously over the dragon's face, her posture stiff as a board as she stared dead ahead at the approaching reindeer.
Carol continued through the crowd, eyes shifting over the many faces until her gaze locked on Kris. They might say they felt like a deer in the headlights as the stone-faced mayor approached, but that would be ironic. Susie (and Noelle behind her) shifted away from Kris as their doom marched up to them, each thunderous footstep heralding their demise. “Kris. There you are.”
“Aunt Carol.” They coughed to silence the quiver in their voice. She scowled upon realizing that a certain someone wasn't with them. She nevertheless approached Kris closer, ignoring the grumbling Susie behind her.
“I see you and your… friend have been enjoying the festival. I trust everything is to your expectations.” She said it like it was a fact, but they knew it was a question. They shrugged in response, which she knew meant that they were at least enjoying themselves.
“Excellent. Now, I have need of my daughter. Where is…” Just as she turned around, she scowled again upon meeting Susie's rebellious gaze. Kris struggled to suppress a laugh upon realizing what caused Carol's already dour demeanor to sour further. Susie was oblivious to how Noelle's antlers jutted out obviously from behind her shoulders. “Noelle, come out of hiding.”
Noelle squeaked, ducking down to hide further. Kris strangled a laugh. And Susie… brave, stalwart Susie stood her ground even now, the dragon knight bravely defending the princess from the wicked queen. “I don't know what you're talking about. Noelle isn't here.”
“Don't be ridiculous. I can see her antlers behind you.”
“Eep!” Noelle squeaked again, falling out from behind Susie. Kris broke down in choking laughter as Noelle whined. “Kris, it's not funny!”
“... it's a little funny.” Noelle grumbled in response before reaching out a hand to Susie for support. The dragon pulled Noelle up, blushing in embarrassment all the while. Carol had made it clear that she was no fan of the gruff and tough lizard monster. She said as much to Susie’s face during the group study session turned sleepover with Berdly, threatening that if Susie didn't behave she would kick her out of the house and never let her be around Noelle. As far as Kris knew, not telling Carol that Susie had been chilling with her daughter during the festival was the last straw.
However, Carol looked oddly relieved to see all three together. “I'm glad you three are enjoying yourselves… Noelle, I am having several things moved into storage to make room for your father's return from the hospital. The process is taking longer than expected, so you three will need to stay over at Toriel’s tonight.”
“Wha- but I-”
“This is nonnegotiable, Noelle. I have already alerted her.”
“You're just kicking her out of the house?!” Susie shouted. “That's bullshit! You can't just fucking-”
“Susie Saurus,” Carol began. The use of Susie's full name caused her to gulp, and all desire to fight faded from the cold chill of Carol's voice. “I am entrusting you with keeping my daughter safe. You have earned her trust and esteem, as well as the favor of my husband. You should keep it that way.”
It was clear that this was not an argument they would win. It was odd, though. Normally, a strict, no-nonsense type of parent wouldn’t want their teen daughter hanging out late at night with her crush, where puberty and poor impulse control may lead to unintended consequences. But whatever Carol was up to at the moment meant that she didn’t want anyone near her house. Kris tilted their head, silently motioning for Carol to tell them what was wrong. But she said nothing. She simply huffed out a low sigh.
“It’s… it will be alright. Tomorrow, we can discuss this. But I want you three safe. Once you are finished at the festival, head to Toriel’s.” From the tone of her voice, it wasn’t a request. Kris shrugged, but Susie grumbled anyway. And for someone who was about to be in unsupervised space with her crush (since Toriel would not be keeping an eye on things), Noelle herself seemed apprehensive. Noelle opened her mouth but before she could ask her mother what was going on, Carol approached Noelle and gave her an awkward, almost hug. “Stay safe, Noelle.”
“I- I… okay.” Noelle wrapped her arms around her mother’s shoulders. And the awkward, stilted hug remained for a few awkward moments before Carol finally separated and walked away, giving one final nod to Kris before she disappeared back into the crowd.
“... the fuck was that?” Susie asked. Kris really had no idea.
“I… honestly don’t know. She’s usually so protective of me but now, she’s suddenly telling me I need to be out of the house overnight? It makes no sense! N-not that I’m complaining, fwahaha!” Noelle blushed sheepishly. And yet again, Susie was oblivious to Noelle’s obvious crush, staring at Kris like they had something on their face.
It was fine. Toriel might be a dotting mother, but at least she’d leave them alone once they were settled in. With Carol out of the way, the three once again settled into an easy stroll through the festival. All thought of what might be occurring back at the Holiday Manor soon faded out of thought and mind.
Kris continued through the festival in a daze, following the whims of Susie and Noelle. But soon enough, the darkening sky signaled that the festival would soon be over. The yearly migration of festival goers from the surrounding county had come to an end as the attendees meandered out towards the parking lot.
Everything was quiet and calm. Heck, even Kris themselves was looking forward to the improvised sleepover. That is, until they heard someone calling out to them. Someone they absolutely did not want to see ever again.
“Hey, Kris!”