Chapter Text
It's a hot summer day a week before school starts when Yoona notices a moving truck next door.
She brushes her hair slowly, looking out her window for any hints of who might be moving in. The house next door has been for sale for a few months and it looks like someone has finally bought it.
She wonders if it's a family, if they'll have anyone her age. The last family that lived there had a girl a year older than her and Yoona misses her dearly already. She's not sure what to do if someone her age moves in. She'll probably see them around in school, they’ll probably want to be friends.
The idea makes her anxious.
“설윤아!”
Yoona jumps as she hears her mother call her name up the steps. She must've been spacing out, watching the movers for too long.
She quickly puts down her brush and rushes to pack up her bag before her mother stomps her way upstairs. Honestly, she's not looking forward to going to dance practice on such a hot day, but at least the classroom it's in has air conditioning.
“Yoona! Hurry up!”
“Sorry!” Yoona shouts towards the direction of her door. “I'll be right there!”
When she walks with her mother to their car in their driveway, she stares at the ground. Her mother is complaining about something that Yoona did wrong again and Yoona can't help but to tune it out. The walkway is more interesting to her than whatever her mother is chastising her for. Or, at the very least, it's a distraction.
As she reaches the car, she decides to take one last quick glance over at the house next door. She's not really expecting anything at this point - it seems like it might only be movers there today.
But she soon finds out that she's wrong.
Staring back at her is a young girl - probably around Yoona's age. She leans on the rail of the porch and watches Yoona with a lazy smile. Bleach blonde hair, large dark clothes, a cute face - there's no one else in town who looks quite like her.
Yoona feels her eyes widen as she gets stared at. She feels like she got caught. What for? She doesn't really know. But she's frozen in place and can't look away from the girl to save her life.
“Yoona,” her mother sternly says from the driver's side of the car, looking over at her daughter impatiently.
“Sorry.”
Yoona finally tears her eyes away and gets into the car, a bit dazed. She blinks a few times, trying to process what just happened. Technically, nothing happened. She just locked eyes with a stranger, that's all. But it feels like something has shifted. She feels a pit of anxiety in her stomach, weighing her down. It's a bad feeling.
Yet, Yoona can't help but look over one last time as her mother drives away. But the only thing that she’s left with is an empty porch.
“Someone moved in next to you?”
Yoona is currently stretching on the classroom floor, sitting across from a classmate of hers. Kyujin is two years younger than her, but she feels more like family than her own family does sometimes.
“Yeah. I'm not sure who, but my parents will probably want to meet them,” Yoona replies, leaning towards the floor. “I think there's a girl there now who is around our age.”
“Your age or my age?”
“I couldn't tell. I was a bit far away and my mother was rushing me.”
“Fifteen is very different from seventeen,” Kyujin huffs, rolling her shoulders.
“Not really. I feel the same as I did two years ago.”
“Don't tell me that,” Kyujin pouts. “That's so disappointing.”
“Sorry,” Yoona giggles.
“Well, I hope she's nice. I guess we'll see next week.”
“I guess we will.”
Turns out that Yoona didn't have to wait a week to meet her new neighbor - she only had to wait until later that night.
She's sitting at her desk in her room, writing in her diary for the night, when she hears someone whispering for her attention.
Yoona turns around in her chair only to find an empty room, but the whispering continues. Her eyes land on her open window.
She walks over to it, unsure and a little anxious. The curtains are pulled shut, but she has the window open to let the cool night air in. When she pulls back the curtains, she's face to face with the new scruffy girl living next door, leaning out the window of her own room.
“Hey,” the mystery girl says with a smile, eyeing Yoona with interest.
“Hi,” Yoona says back, a bit thrown off.
“What grade are you?”
“Senior, this year.”
“Boooo. I'm a junior,” the younger girl tuts, annoyed with the situation. “That's too bad. I'm Jiwoo, by the way.”
“Yoona.”
“Oh? Are you Korean?”
“Yeah.”
“Me too!” Jiwoo's smile turns into a large toothy grin. “My last school didn't have any Korean girls - well, none my age. Though, I guess you aren't either.”
“Jinsol's your age,” Yoona adds, as if Jiwoo knows who that is. “I mean- sorry, she's a friend of mine who will be in your grade. Kyujin is a year younger than you and she's also Korean. There's a few guys too-”
“I don't really care about guys.”
“Oh,” Yoona blinks, taken aback. “Sorry.”
“Ah, no, it's not your fault. Sorry for interrupting. I just care more about there being other Korean girls. I'm sure you understand.”
“Sure.”
Except, Yoona doesn't understand. These are the people that she's grown up with all her life - she's never thought of having a preference for a different class makeup. It's just what it's always been and what it always will be. Well, with the exception of the newest addition to their school.
Suddenly, Yoona hears sounds coming from the direction of her parents' room. Her anxiety spikes, immediately aware of what she's doing.
“I actually can't do this,” she tells Jiwoo.
“Do what?”
“Talk to you. I have to go.”
She only gets one quick glance at Jiwoo before she pulls her curtains shut, but it's clear that she hurt the younger girl's feelings. The image of her sad and confused face is the last thing that Yoona sees before scurrying back over to her desk, leaning over her diary.
Just like she had been worried about, her door swings open only a few seconds later. Yoona turns her head to see her father looking at her with a scowl on his face. Every bit of Yoona is on edge, she's so scared of being found out. It's not like she was doing anything bad, but if her parents knew that she was up this late talking to someone, they might get the wrong idea.
“Were you talking?” her father asks, scratching his face. She must've woken him up, he's in pajamas and clearly groggy. At least she can use that to her advantage.
“What? No. Who would I even be talking to?” Yoona replies. Her stomach turns as she lies through her teeth.
“I'm not sure. We thought you heard you talking to someone. Were you on the phone?”
“No…” Yoona quickly glances at her desk, trying to find an excuse. Her eyes land on her radio. “I had my radio on, but I turned it off when I heard you coming. Maybe you heard the deejay's voice? I'm sorry for having it too loud.”
Yoona's hoping that that's enough, that he leaves soon - every second that he's here feel like hours to her. Thankfully, Yoona's father grunts, apparently satiated by her answer.
“You should finish up what you're doing and go to bed. It's late.”
“Of course. I'm almost done.”
When the door shuts and Yoona is left alone once more, she feels like she can finally breathe again.
Yoona avoids Jiwoo the rest of the week, not wanting to start a conversation with someone who might get her in trouble. Jiwoo's parents might be cool with her having late-night talks with the stranger next door, but Yoona knows for sure that her parents won't be.
So, while she doesn't see Jiwoo again, Yoona still gets an earful from her mother about the other girl on the way to the first day of school.
“You should avoid the girl next door. Her and her mother… they're odd,” her mother says to her as she drives. Yoona feels a pit of anxiety in her stomach at the accusation. Thank god she stopped their conversation last week when she did.
“What do you mean?”
“They just have very different morals than you or I do. It's not something that you need to worry about, just know that they’re not like us. I don't even think they go to church. Did you see them last Sunday?”
“No,” Yoona answers, dismayed. “Maybe they go to a different church?”
“They're Korean, they should be going to our church. Even Jinsol goes to our church.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“She's a little odd too, that one. Does she have a boyfriend yet?”
“I thought I wasn't allowed to date.”
“You're not. But don't you think it's a little odd that a girl that age doesn't want to have a boyfriend?”
“I'm sure her mother has said the same about me.”
“No,” Yoona's mother answers definitively. “She’s been hoping that Jinsol finds a nice boy soon, but Jinsol doesn't seem to care.”
“Why can Jinsol date and I can't?”
“Because you have more important things to focus on. There's two types of girls in this world: girls who need and girls who don't. Girls like Jinsol, they're the needing kind - they need that. But you're smart and you're talented - you have so much more in store.”
Anger wells up in Yoona's chest on her best friend's behalf. She can't believe the stuff her mother is saying about Jinsol. It's not shocking but it's hurtful.
Thankfully, they pull up to the school drop-off before Yoona says anything she might regret.
“Listen,” Yoona's mom stops her before she can get out of the car. “I'm serious about our neighbors. I don't want to hear anything about you two becoming friends. She's a bad influence.”
Yoona wants to yell, scream at her mother that she doesn't even know Jiwoo. But Yoona doesn't know her either, so maybe her mother's right. Still, what right does her mother have to judge someone so easily?
“I won't,” she says instead of arguing.
Avoiding Jiwoo at school isn't as easy as avoiding her during a single week of summer.
Yoona walks through the halls, heading to homeroom, when she spots her. She's got a beanie on that makes her bangs frame her face in a cute way and she's laughing with a group of kids that Yoona never talks to. Maybe Jiwoo doesn't even need Yoona to be her friend - she seems to have it all figured out before the first bell even rang.
“Ugh, the new girl,” Yoona hears someone next to her say.
She turns her head to meet one of her classmates, Madison. Yoona takes note of where they're standing - in the middle of the hallway, very clearly looking at Jiwoo. Yoona wasn't even aware that she had stopped walking.
“What about her?” Yoona asks, unsure as to why Madison has an attitude about her already.
“Well, look,” Madison nods towards Jiwoo. “She's surrounding herself with guys. And not even cute guys - it's the stupid skater kids. I heard that she even skateboarded to school today. What kind of girl does that?”
“She did?” Yoona kind of thinks that's cool, but that's clearly not something she can say to her current company.
“Yeah. And look what she's wearing - she dresses like a boy!”
Yoona looks at Jiwoo's outfit, taking in more than just her beaming face. She's wearing a big shirt and big shorts. It just looks like clothes to Yoona. But, then again, she just wears what her mother tells her to wear.
She doesn't feel like dissing Jiwoo, not when she doesn't even agree. So, she just hums and nods her head. This seems to be a good enough reply for Madison - she links their arms together and pulls Yoona towards their homeroom. But before Yoona can get completely dragged away, Jiwoo happens to look over and they lock eyes.
Yoona’s stomach flips at the sight.
Yoona thought that the rest of the day would be relatively Jiwoo-free since they're in different grades, but it seems like the world has other plans.
She's sitting in her history class, listening to the teacher drone on about his class schedule for this school year, when she decides to look out the window next to her. This is not a new thing - Yoona has been called out for it by teachers in the past - but her immediate focus on someone is new. Usually, she just spaces out, thinks about other things, but this time she spots Jiwoo.
Jiwoo is with the rest of her class, including Jinsol, as they run around outside playing soccer for P.E.. They're wearing their school gym clothes - Yoona thinks it's interesting to see Jiwoo in clothes that fit her a little better. Just interesting, that's all.
She watches as Jiwoo kicks the ball around, clearly more skilled than a fair amount of her classmates. She looks so happy down there, like she's having fun - like she doesn't even know that two people in Yoona's life dislike her.
Something about the act of watching Jiwoo without her knowing feels wrong, but Yoona can't look away. Even if her eyes flick over to other students, they always come back to Jiwoo - she's like a magnet that pulls her in.
Yoona doesn't really understand why.
“Yoona, when are you going to get a boyfriend? Your prom date from last year doesn't count.”
It's a nice September day, in the middle of lunch, when Yoona gets asked that. Usually, she goes home to eat since everyone but the freshmen can leave campus during lunch. However, Madison and her friends asked her if she could join them for lunch today and Yoona has a bad habit of never saying no. She really wishes she didn't.
“My mother says I can't date,” she answers.
“Ugh, that's no excuse,” another girl, Amanda, says. “My mom says that too, but I still date. What she doesn't know won't hurt her.”
But it will, Yoona wants to say. She knows that her own mother would feel absolutely betrayed if she were to start dating behind her back. Honestly, betrayed isn't a big enough word to accurately portray how she would feel. Only when you start listing multiple words - angry, upset, disappointed, furious - do you even begin to start to get the full picture.
But Yoona can't say that. She knows it's different for her and Amanda wouldn't really understand. So, instead she shrugs and sighs.
“I have strict parents.”
“Well,” Madison says, leaning in with a devilish grin. “If you could, who would you want to date?”
Her brain is completely blank - absolutely no one comes to mind. But that can't be right - everyone wants to date at her age. There has to be someone.
A rolodex of names flashes through her mind. She tries to think of each boy in her grade and if she's interested in them. She comes up empty.
“I don't know. I can't think of anyone,” Yoona replies after some thought.
“C'mon, Yoona, don't be shy. You can tell us,” Amanda says, like she's Yoona's close friend. But she's not. If she were, she would know that Yoona is telling the truth - there really is no one.
“I don't like anyone.”
“No one?” Madison asks, confused. “Not even Tyler?”
“No?”
“But everyone likes Tyler,” Amanda adds on.
Yoona starts to feel caged in by this conversation. Why are they being so persistent about it? Is Yoona the weird one for not liking a single boy in their grade?
Oh, maybe that's the problem.
Yoona doesn't know many people from the grade below her and, to be honest, most of them look like babies to her - but maybe there's someone in there. She tries to think of past conversations with Jinsol, past hangouts where her class was mentioned. She tries to think of all the times she's passed by Jinsol's class just to wave at her through the door window. Surely there's someone hidden in the crowd that's her type.
Jiwoo's face pops up in her mind.
No, that's not right.
Yoona tries to ignore the way her heart rate picks up, the way the pit of anxiety in her stomach starts to grow again. Why does she always feel this way when thinking about Jiwoo? Not that she thinks about Jiwoo often. That would be weird.
She's focused way too much on this, she needs to think of something else. She needs to have an answer.
“Josh?” she lies. It's just the first name that came to mind. Not the best choice, but he's a nice enough guy.
“The junior?” Madison replies, shocked. Then her face shifts into something more jovial, like she knows something about Yoona that even she doesn't. “Ohhh, Yoona likes younger guys.”
“No, I-”
“Ohhhh,” Amanda teases. “Don't worry, Yoona, we won't tell anyone.”
Yoona's actually been doing a pretty good job at avoiding Jiwoo since school started. Already a month has passed by and she's managed to avoid having a single conversation with her.
But it kind of sucks. Jiwoo's everywhere. When Yoona gets dropped off in the morning, Jiwoo's hanging out outside the school with her friends. When Yoona goes home for lunch, Jiwoo passes by on her skateboard, also heading home. When Yoona moves through the hallways to her next class, somehow her and Jiwoo cross paths during at least four out of her seven breaks. Yoona can't escape her.
And every time they make eye contact, Jiwoo smiles at her. It shouldn't mean anything, but it feels like it does. Maybe Yoona is overthinking it, but Jiwoo smiles at her like she knows. Like she knows that she's being ignored, like she knows that Yoona wants to reach out.
Because that's the thing, Yoona does want to reach out. That's what sucks so much about it. Every day that passes by, every stolen glance, every knowing smile, all of it just makes Yoona want to know the girl. But she can't - her mother and her friends have made that clear enough. Jiwoo's weird, she's not like she should be, so Yoona can't.
Still, Yoona finds herself thinking about it, thinking about her, as she walks the empty hallways to the bathroom. Jiwoo probably doesn't think about her this much. She really should stop, she's being so weird about it all.
When she opens the door to the bathroom, she finds Jiwoo there, washing her hands.
Of course this happens to her.
Yoona's usual anxiety from being around Jiwoo flares up, her heart fluttering. She can feel her heartbeat in her throat as she avoids Jiwoo's eyes in the mirror’s reflection. Jiwoo grabs a paper towel and watches her slowly make her way towards a stall. Yoona really hopes she'll leave soon.
“Hey.”
Yoona should've known that she couldn't avoid her forever. She stops in her tracks, slowly turning towards the younger girl.
“Hi.”
“How's it been?” Jiwoo asks, leaning back on the sink.
Yoona looks around, checking to see if any stalls are in use. They're not. They're alone. She's not sure if that's a good or bad thing.
“It's been… fine,” Yoona answers, not meeting her eye.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Silence stretches on between the two of them, the air heavy. Yoona hates it, she wishes someone would walk right in and break whatever stalemate they have going on. But no one comes, so she'll have to do it herself.
“How have you b-”
“Why don't we talk?” Jiwoo interrupts. “We're neighbors. We go home for lunch at the same time. I see you in the hallway all the time. I know you're friends with Jinsol, so it's not an age thing. Why don't we talk?”
This is the one conversation that Yoona did not want to have with Jiwoo. She doesn't know how to get out of this - she doesn't know if she can.
“I, um,” she stutters. “I- I can't.”
“What? What do you mean?” Jiwoo looks offended and Yoona doesn't blame her, she would be too if someone said that to her.
“Listen, Jiwoo, I don't really want to get into it-”
“Do you not like me?”
The question comes out sounding small from the way that Jiwoo whispers it, shrinking into herself, but it hits Yoona hard. She's starting to feel so anxious about this conversation that it's making her queasy. Maybe she should just run away, ignoring the question. If she ran enough, she might never see Jiwoo again, avoiding ever answering the question. But she can’t, so she has to break the news somehow.
“I don't really know you,” Yoona answers. It's the truth, but it's also not the honest answer to Jiwoo's question.
“What's stopping you from knowing me?” Jiwoo gets up from her spot and walks closer towards Yoona. Yoona worries she's about to go into cardiac arrest with how fast her heart is beating. Jiwoo stops only a few inches away from her and looks up into her eyes. “I want to know you.”
Yoona's eyes flit over Jiwoo's face, taking in every detail. She can feel her hands getting clammy. Jiwoo's looking up at her patiently and all Yoona can do is stare back at her.
The air is thick and she feels like Jiwoo wants something out of her, but she doesn't know what. It truly confounds her, both the way that Jiwoo is acting and the way that she is reacting. She's never felt this nervous around anyone else in her life, not with this little at play. Or maybe it's a different type of nervousness? It just feels weird, foreign to Yoona. What is it about Jiwoo that makes her feel like this?
“I can't,” she whispers, finally breaking eye contact and looking away.
She stares down at the tile floor and watches as Jiwoo takes a step back.
“Okay.”
The next thing that Yoona hears is Jiwoo walking out of the bathroom. When Yoona looks up, she realizes that she really is completely alone. And, more importantly, she realizes that she fucked up. She's not sure what she fucked up, but she knows she made the wrong decision. She doesn't even realize that she's crying until she catches her reflection in the mirror.
The anxiety finally reaches a tipping point - she feels it rise up from her stomach into her chest and up her throat. She rushes to a stall.