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Time No. 1
Lando blinked. A small, gentle yellow mark seemed to lightly glow on his forearm, dimly lit in the shadow of the crowded library. It was softer than the glaring scarlet that it replaced, an opening rather than a door shut in the boy’s face. His eyes blinked again, waiting for it to turn back scarlet, but it loyally stayed on his body, smiling back at him. Lando pressed his hand to the mark, now clutching it as if it would run away if he didn’t.
Finally, Lando thought with an inescapable grin plastered across his face. They are close.
In front of him, Carlos was furiously typing away on his computer. It was too slow to be rushing a last-minute assignment, and too loud not to be purposefully trying to gain the attention of Lando. But the confused expressions of students buried in books beside them made Lando want to slam the face of the computer onto Carlos’s fingers.
“This friend group is going to send me into a coma, man!” Carlos groaned through his teeth. The boy shut the computer and angrily shoved it into his backpack as if it were steel rather than a pristine MacBook Air.
Lando sighed, pushing his right forearm below the table while holding the hands Carlos was aggressively fidgeting with using his left. He knew all too much to gently breathe with his friend and force him to look at Lando in the eye, preventing his mouth from rambling about whatever stupid drama went through their circle this time, and every other time.
“Poor Oscar, man. Haven’t you heard?” Carlos said, sighing as if whatever happened personally affected him.
Lando released Carlos’s hands, gulping. Carlos now steadily eyes Lando’s expression, while he begins to grimace. Because now Lando knew that he wouldn’t just be a bystander but somehow a mentioned connection by those who weren’t able to keep their mouth shut. Partially at Lando’s own fault for not being able to keep his.
“Is Osc’ fine?” Lando asked, keeping his face calm while his voice, shaking, betrayed him.
“If your girlfriend of two years broke up with you, would you be fine?” Carlos asked, muttering curses in a foreign language underneath his breath. “I can’t believe it, Lily and Oscar were perfect–”
Carlos paused, looking thoughtfully at the table rather than back at Lando. “No offense or anything.”
Lando let out a breath of disbelief. Oscar and Lily were perfect, or at least as perfect as two high school sweethearts could be.
Is Oscar okay? Lando thought, now frowning. He didn’t want to begin to imagine how Oscar would look; it was enough to think about how alien that image was to him.
But deep inside, a Lando knew there was an ugly part of him that didn’t feel bad for whatever emotional turmoil Oscar was going through. A part of him that was almost,
“Are you happy? I mean, if you want to shoot your shot, you can now,” Carlos said abruptly, now taking Lando’s available hand into his own.
Lando blinked. He wanted to speak, but he found himself at a loss for words. It would be disgusting if he didn’t deny it, and a lie to his best friend for years if he did.
“Who do you take me for?” Lando laughed, scrunching his eyebrows in disgust at the prospect. Carlos raised his eyebrow, maintaining a moment of silence for Lando to continue and defend himself before letting go of Lando’s hand.
“He is still my friend,” Lando cut in, eyeing Carlos’s expression of doubt. “I am not that bad of a person to be happy, right?”
The boy opened his mouth to say something before closing it. Carlos fell back into his seat, once again sighing loudly for the entire library to hear in defeat.
Yes, he believes me. Lando thought with relief. Or he doesn’t want to cause unnecessary drama. Probably the latter.
“I’m just saying that offer is on the table,” Carlos continued, now looking down at his watch.
“Free period’s over for me, catch up to you in the fifth period?”
Lando nodded, shaking Carlos’s hand as he picked up his backpack to head out. Lando knew that he still had an additional lunch period to study or recover his emotions, and he knew himself enough to know which was the obvious answer.
“Yeah, see you then,” Lando said weakly, not looking up as Carlos roughly patted his back and walked away.
~~~
“Hey,”
Oscar froze, mouth shut, and the sandwich halfway to his lips.
Too soon?
Lando grimaced as Oscar slowly turned his head around–a scene straight out of a horror film. Lando hated horror films.
Jesus Christ, he looks like a zombie. A fucking zombie.
The boy was politely greeted with dark purple bags underneath Oscar’s eyes, his usually combed-back hair drooping miserably on his face, and mismatched socks stained underneath crinkled pants. It was the worst kind of a package deal, and Lando knew now not to order.
“I’m uh,” Lando paused, trying to read Oscar’s expression of pure misery. His feet were now rapidly tapping against the stone floor. “Sorry about your whole breakup.”
The two stood in an awkward air of silence, neither willing to break it first.
“I know you and Lily were close, and,” Lando’s breath hitched, “I wanted to say if you needed someone, I am here?”
Again, that awkward air of silence, Lando’s feet and hands were now getting quicker at the job.
“Don’t be sorry, not like you caused it,” Oscar said with an equally feeble smile. Lando tried not to frown–Oscar didn’t sound sure in his own statement.
He doesn’t think that I’m Lily’s soulmate, does he?
“Yeah, ha ha.” Lando let out a forced laugh.
Oscar blinked, and then Lando blinked back.
Then Oscar let out a genuine wheeze, his hand with the sand, which was collapsing down to his lunch tray. Lando jolted backwards in surprise, bumping into the brick pillar that lined the edge of the outdoor seating area.
Oscar yelped in surprise and pulled Lando back away from the pillar and towards the seat next to him.
“Are you okay, Lan?” Oscar asked, eyes wide at the boy who had his hands pressed against his back with a groan.
Shit, shit, shit. Lando grimaced, trying to stand up straight and horribly failing.
“I am starting to think that this cafeteria has a personal vendetta against me. First bright pink chicken, and now this?”
“I think that the cafeteria hates everyone on your first account,” Oscar said, letting out a chuckle. Lando paused, now actually standing straighter. Oscar laughed, not once but twice. He made Oscar laugh twice.
“Ha ha,”
“Ha ha,” Oscar mocked back, with a tinge of sarcasm.
Lando glared as Oscar, trying to look as unserious as possible in case the boy misinterpreted it.
“Ha ha?” Oscar tried to correct.
“You muppet,” Lando said, teeth dramatically gritting against each other.
Oscar raised his eyebrow, his lips slightly twitching upward with amusement.
“Really, muppet?”
“I don’t have the time for this!” Lando announced, slowly walking away.
“This is your period to eat too!” Oscar shouted back, as Lando picked up the pace in the distance.
Lando laughed, mimicking that same genuine nature that filled the two times that Oscar did, and in doing so, he missed how the yellow on his mark glowed a little brighter, and the red on Oscar’s neck began to shine yellow too.
Time No. 2
Lando stared down at his phone, eyes then flickering to the space on the top bed beside him. Oscar didn’t have any classes for the next hour, and they both shared the same engineering major schedule.
What if he is studying?
Lando began tapping his foot against the edge of his bed, once again looking at the send message button on his screen. It had been a few weeks by now since his breakup with Lily, and knowing Oscar Lando wouldn’t expect the guy to be still sulking about it.
He sighed and clicked the glowing blue button, that seemed to tease him on the moment that it would bring. But still Lando stared at the image of Oscar in the boy’s profile picture. It was a selfie where Lando was smiling eagerly at the camera, while Oscar looked at him. Not at the camera, not behind them where their friends were goofing off, at Lando.
Lando tilted his head at the photo and smiled, not noticing the gentle creaking of the door and the subsequent footsteps inside his dorm room.
“What’s up, mate?”
“Ack–”
Lando jolted upwards, fumbling through his phone to swipe off the screen and shove it into his pocket.
“Are you okay…?” Oscar asked, quietly closing the door behind him as Lando quickly turned around to meet his eyes.
“Yeah, man, sorry about that,” Lando mumbled, sitting at the far edge of his bed. He pressed his hand to the other side, motioning for Oscar to join him in sitting. Oscar ran his fingers back through his hair as he walked towards Lando, more polished since the last time they spoke.
“What were you hiding?” Oscar teased, poking at Lando’s side.
Lando could feel the sweat begin to build up around his arms.
“Nothing–why do you care. Stalker,” Lando hissed, still grinning at Oscar.
Oscar tilted his head and opened his mouth to let out a sigh of disbelief.
“The other day, you were rambling on about star signs and how the girl from a bar you liked was a Leo!”
Lando spluttered. That was a year ago–back when he and Oscar had first met, and definitely not the other day. And how did he even remember that?
“Let a boy have his interests!” Lando protested. “Besides, I’m sure that everyone knows their star sign; astrology is a pretty common thing, you know.”
“Oh, really?” Oscar responded, expression clearly unamused. “Because I don’t know mine,”
Lando knew from multiple occasions that he should really learn to think before he spoke. This was one of those occasions.
“Aries,” Lando blurted out. “You’re an Aries,”
Oscar fell silent. Lando’s posture fell sideways.
“Now I’m just like the other girls,” Oscar said with a dramatic sigh, or a rather weak attempt at one.
Lando snorted.
“And you weren’t before?” Lando joked back.
“Ouch, mate, woke up on the wrong side of the bed?”
Lando stared at the end of the bed. He woke up one, polar opposite to the end where he fell asleep.
“You could say that,”
“Do that more often, it will do wonders for your personality.”
“Speak for yourself, muppet!” Lando shoved Oscar to the side of his bed, tackling him downwards.
The boy once more let out a genuine snippet of laughter. A real smile. Lando wanted to chase those moments for the rest of eternity.
Time No. 3
“We need to split up?!” Lando protested, sitting up from his seat and pressing his hands dramatially against his circle’s shared table.
“We need to split up,” Charles sobbed, letting his head fall atop their shared table.
“We need to split up!” Carlos announced, pushing his seat away from the table before clapping his hands together.
“Sure,” Max muttered, staring off towards Charles’s direction with an expression of unfettered carelessness. “Come on, Charles,”
“But Pierre–” Charles protested, throwing his hands up into the air.
“Is stuck with the Ocon guy at the other table.” Max interrupted, dragging Charles's seat towards his own. “Please, schat.”
“Remind me to learn Dutch one of these days,”
Lando looked at Carlos, who stared back at him with a smug expression. He squeezed himself in between George and Alex, Alex being the only one of the two smiling at his presence, before whispering something incoherent into both of their ears.
George looked back at Lando and glared. Alex’s grin only grew, turning back at Carlos with an energetic nod.
“What the hell!” Lando mouthed, only to be met with a carefree shrug from Carlos.
Jesus Christ.
Instead, Lando turned his attention to Oscar. He instead was staring disapprovingly at Logan, who had already found a partner at the other table to work with.
“Hey, Osc!” Lando shouted. Oscar jumped in his seat, expression changing from visible to some strangled mix that Lando couldn’t read. “I don’t bite,”
Oscar tilted his head sideways, now unamused. The side of his neck where his mark stood shone a faint yellow.
Oscar stood up with fake reluctance, dragging himself to the now-empty seat beside Lando. Lando met Oscar’s eyes with a smug grin, while Oscar pulled open his laptop to an empty Google document.
“Hey partner,” Lando said, grinning at Oscar.
Oscar’s head turned to Lando. He nudged the boy’s backpack, once again tilting his head towards it.
“Fine, you’re no fun,” Lando pouted. He pulled his backpack into his lap, shuffling through miscellaneous pages and pencils left from past forgotten assignments and ripped pencil cases.
As he found his laptop, at once, his eyes flickered to his forearm, the yellow growing ever so brighter. Lando froze.
Okay, where the hell are they? The boy shot up, looking at the immediate circle around them. Everyone had their pair already, their person. Even Oscar had Logan, who honestly could very well be his soulmate.
“Computer?” Oscar repeated, and Lando once again resorted to shuffling through his backpack.
“Sorry,” Lando mumbled, taking out his laptop.
Oscar stared at Lando, mouth drooping down into a frown.
“Are you good?” Oscar asked, concern laced into his voice.
His face was kind, too kind. And his neck was yellow. Unmistakably yellow. Lando’s eyes widened.
Logan really was Oscar’s soulmate.
Lando’s mouth opened, and then closed shut. He looked back at his forearm, and then back at Oscar’s neck, definitely yellow.
He didn’t want to ruin it, although Lando wasn’t sure what it was.
A chance to be with Oscar? The thought flickered through his brain, just once. Just once was one time too many.
Looking up, Oscar was laser-focused, pulling up rubrics and sources to cite while Lando stared at Oscar’s neck, frozen.
“You know,” Lando once more began, and Oscar turned to listen. He always did. “That source might be unreliable.”
Oscar stared at Lando in disbelief, as he was trying to pick apart and his brain to understand the boy’s logic. He settled on a scoff and pointed Lando’s eyes to his own screen, still devoid of any articles.
Lando dramatically sighed and pulled himself towards his side of the desk. Opening his email to find the shared document, Lando felt like an idiot.
Almost as idiotic as keeping quiet.
No. 4
The group of friends sat sprawled out across the carpet inside of Charles’s room, the boy living in an apartment instead of the dorms.
George sat beside Alex, who was talking to Carlos, while Pierre was silently nudging at Charles’s shoulder as Yuki slept, snoring atop his own. Across from Lando, Oscar turned to Charles’s side, the two appearing to get along well enough.
Seeing Oscar speak to Charles, giggling and smiling, Lando felt sick.
Nope, no, you are not jealous of Charles. Oscar already has a soulmate! Lando thought bitterly, gritting his teeth.
“I am so bored, people,” Carlos complained, eyeing Lando for whatever reason.
“I told you we should have brought the freshmen,” Pierre hissed, while Yuki’s eyes fluttered open.
“Oh my god, you creep!” Yuki screamed, pointing at Pierre accusingly.
“They are objectively entertaining, Yuki,” Pierre responded, maintaining a deadpan.
“Does anyone like anyone?” Lando blurted out.
The room fell silent. The most silent Lando had ever witnessed the friend group be. Lando could have sworn that seventy-five percent of the room went white in the moment, but only one person’s expression mattered.
Oscar sat frozen beside Charles, eyes darting between the floor and Lando every few seconds. He was among those who went pale, despite his being pale enough as is.
He likes Logan, doesn’t he?
Lando looked at Oscar with a frown. Oscar could no longer meet his eyes.
I fucked up. Jesus Christ.
Now the boy’s face turned pink. Carlos’s eyes narrowed in on Lando, his lips once more forming that God-forsaken smug grin that seemed to haunt Lando like a ghost.
“Yeah,” Charles whispered, and then the room erupted into shouts and interrogations.
Lando’s heart dropped–Oscar was trying to bury his face in his hoodie, the only one besides him interrogating the poor man.
The mark on Lando’s forearm once more turned a violent scarlet color. He quietly covered his sleeve, pushing down the sheer cloth against the glowing red.
As Lando turned his head to join the frenzy, he locked eyes with Oscar. He still looked nervous, but not in a negative way.
Almost like he was hopeful.
Lando turned away, teasing Charles with whomever the boy liked, although that sick, knowing feeling within him persisted.
He didn’t notice how Oscar stayed frozen, still staring at Lando despite himself.
No. 5
“Lily, right?”
Lando fidgeted nervously with his fingers, looking beside Lily rather than making contact with her. For all he thought about Oscar, Lando forgot that Lily wasn’t some monster larger than life for breaking up with Oscar. On her calf sat a dim, yet steady green mark.
“Lando, it has been a while!” Lily responded sweetly, bringing him in for a hug. She looked so genuinely happy, Lando couldn’t help but smile back. It was infectious.
“It has,” Lando agreed, now making eye contact with her.
“Do you feel comfortable talking about Oscar?” Lando asked, waiting for Lily to grimace, frown, freeze. She instead blinked with surprise, but without malice.
“As long as it isn’t about him wanting me back,” she began carefully.
“No, of course not! It is about me more specifically,” Lando continued, growing quieter.
“Elaborate?”
“How did you and Oscar get together?” Lando spoke as quickly as possible.
Lily paused to digest what Lando was saying, her expression too turning smug. After his emotional fiasco, he never wanted to see another smile like that ever again.
“This is to–”
“Yeah. How did he do it?” Lando said, wincing.
“Remember, we were in high school.” Lily began slowly, looking fondly up at Lando. “Prom was coming around, back in senior year, and neither of us had a date yet. So the night of it, I left my house expecting to be picked up and taken by my friends, but instead it was all a ploy by them and him as he was there waiting instead,”
Lando paused. “That was much sweeter than I expected, no offense.”
Lily let out a polite laugh. “None taken. It was sweet, but in the end, we just weren’t the best fit for one another. No matter how sappy we were,”
Lando nodded slowly. If they broke up because they weren’t soul mates, it would be fruitless to ask in the first place. Or even confess–making things only more awkward between them. Ever since Charles’s group hang out, Oscar has been quieter and more thoughtful. It was scaring him.
“Is it worth it even?” Lando questioned, to both Lily and himself.
Lily looked, conflicted. As if she didn’t know herself.
“If you will regret not doing it for the rest of your life its worth it,” Lily offered softly. “Shoot your shot Lando, you never know.”
“Do you think its worth it?” Lando asked, looking down at Lily. She paused once more, opening her mouth and holding it still.
“It wasn’t just me that had a wandering eye,” Lily said quietly, looking down at the floor with an expression of guilt. As if wanting to take back her words.
Lando blinked, unable to move. What?
“What is that supposed to mean–”
“See you at tonights party, Lando! Really got to get going, but it was nice catching up to you!” Lily interrupted cheerfully, taking the hand of a man talking to his friend behind her. He too had a faded green mark on the backside of his palm. She waved him off one last time, before taking off, practically running towards an exit hallway.
Lando was stunned. He didn’t know what to assume from their break up, but certainly not that. His hands were now shaking, his body still frozen in place on the beginning steps of the hallway’s stairwell.
Does he…
Lando thought back to every moment where Oscar laughed back, listened, stayed, stared.
No, don’t be delusional. Just get it over with.
He observed the time on his watch, reading a comfortable five fourty three already. The winter party one of their classmates had hosted for the school was in two hours, which was plenty of time for him in terms of getting ready, but too little to mentally prepare himself for what he would do to his and Oscar’s relationship.
Fuck.
No. 1
Whereas Lando and the other ninety nine percent of guys showed up in casual polos or jeans, Oscar showed up in a dress shirt and pants. Lando couldn’t even pretend to be surprised.
Lando rested his arm against one of the tall tables propped up for the event, and stared. Hard. Even with showing up so dressed up–especially with showing up so dressed up Oscar looked good. Really good, like a model who decided to sneak his way into a frat party, but failed horribly.
He felt a familiar arm swing around his shoulder, and Lando didn’t need to turn around to know that the person probably was looking smug at him and back at Oscar.
“Just ask the guy out already, mon ami,” Charles slurred, head hanging down against his chest. “You are killing us all,”
Wait Charles?
Lando did a double take, having to look at Charles, back at the wall and backa again at Charles to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Charles and drunk were not two words he wanted to put together. Let alone be witness to.
“What happened to you?” Lando breathed, propping Charles up against the table besides them.
“Being just as stupid and oblivious as you,” Charles hummed.
“What with you–what’s with everyone and being so cryptic these days.” Lando groaned, pressing his fingers to his head where images of Oscar were living comfortably rent free.
“In the same boat as you,” Charles continued, eyes now wide open and darting across the room.
Lando nodded.
“Still out there with Max?” Lando asked, although it was more of a rhetorical question at this point.
“Eh. He ran,” Charles said weakly, and Lando could practically hear the wince in his voice.
Lando’s head shot around in a fraction of a second, face hot with rage.
“When I get my hands on that idiot–”
“I ran too. We’re equal,” Charles continued cooly, gently holding Lando’s body down to the table.
“Want to get another drink?”
That explains it.
“You stay still for five seconds and I am taking you home,” Lando declared, quickly texting Carlos on his phone to keep watch on Charles. “Unless you and Max sort it out and Max won’t get a DUI on the road.”
If here were to ask Oscar out, or do anything Oscar related he was going to do it now.
Lando’s eyes flickered from the drinks table to the stairwell, and back to the mass of people congregating at the center–none including Oscar. He began to walk through, cutting pairs and groups to get through as efficiently as possible. If Oscar wasn’t here, he was probably away upstairs with Logan or someone.
The stairs were equally as packed, teenage-acting adults drunk on the steps, half functioning and much easier to push past. He could have sworn he saw a few familiar faces, although in the moment it was irrelevant to cheek.
Upstairs, same story. Blobs of flesh dancing and trampled over each other into one huge mass. He wasn’t going to search room after room, especially with what could being going on inside. It would probably only cloud his mind even further.
The only space left was the balcony–the only space in the building that seemed empty, or at least silent. Lando hesitated at the door, hands frozen on the handle before he pushed it aside.
Apart from the faint sounds of music from within the building, Lando could only hear crickets, and the shuffling of one person standing still on the balcony, body practically hanging against the metal.
“Oscar?” Lando whispered, slowly approaching the figure on the balcony. He didn’t need to ask–long dress-shirt, hair gently combed back on each side, body basking in the moonlight and stars.
He knew that he shouldn’t be nervous, just him and Oscar together, alone. But pressed together his palms were getting sweatier by the second, and his heart was pounding out of his chest. And Oscar stood still, serene in the night. He didn’t need to dress up to look it.
“I need to talk to you,” Oscar blurted out, turning his head to face Lando. His expression looked equally as nervous as Lando, if not more, giving only a feeble smile.
What? Lando stood dumbfounded. He needed to talk?
Before Lando could react, Oscar continued, “Can we.. Do you…”
Oscar’s eyes narrowed onto Lando, maintaining eyecontact as if stopping would make Lando stop. But he was too stunned to even think about it, or anything. He couldn’t even process what was happening out of his own disbelief.
“I like you, Lando.”
Lando blinked once. Blinked twice. He stared at Oscar, Lando’s eyes widened, lingering his as his body was encapsulated with nothingness. But insane he felt so much, Lando wanted to explode.
Did he just–
“You, what,” Lando fumbled through his words, pointing at the concrete beneath them before settling on his own chest. “Me?! Really?”
Oscar’s face warped into confusion, and then disappointed. “Yeah you? Was this not obvious?”
Oscar was now frowning whereas Lando breathing became staggered, borderline hyperventilating while his both of his hands were shaking as they covered his mouth firmly.
“I thought–”
“You thought?”
“What about Logan?” Lando breathed, mouth still hanging open after speaking. Oscar’s face shifted into an amused grin, tilting his head towards the ground.
“His mark is green Lando,” Oscar sounded calmly.
“What about–”
“What about what you feel?” Oscar pressed, shoving his hand to Lando’s chest. He actually could not breath.
“Of course I like you mate! I have liked you since, since freshman year!” Lando said exasperated, holding Oscar’s hand tightly against his own before his chest.
Instead of acting just as surprised, Oscar began hysterically laughing.
“You’re not very good at hiding it, I have to say,” Oscar teased, bringing their hands to the empty space besides them. Lando was still stuck in a state of shock, but aboveall Oscar’s neck was green. A placid green peaking out of Oscar’s collar, and glowing through the fabric of his shirt.
“It’s green. I know,” Oscar said, placing his hand over his neck. “Seriously you were beginning to make me rethink every time that thing grew yellow around you.”
“So we’re–hmph!”
Oscar threw his arms around Lando’s neck, and before Lando could speak, Oscar’s lips met his. Lando’s heart was racing, then slowing down, and then racing to unhealthy highs as Lando leaned in. He felt Oscar grab his hair gently, leading Lando through the kiss while Lando was trying to piece apart every one of the thousands of thoughts, comments, and concerns racing through his head as his eyes closed on Oscar’s.
This is not happening–You dumbass of course it’s happening, its really happening.
Oscar pulled away, panting while Lando was left breathless.
“You are beautiful,” Lando breathed, eyes lingering on Oscar. “So beautiful,”
Now it was his turn to make a move, and before Oscar could react Lando pulled the man to him, pressing his chest against his. But before he could really do anything, he heard the door click from behind them.
Millions of familiar voices flooded the balcony, bodies shoved against each other while Oscar quickly shoved Lando away, face going bright red.
“Finally!” Charles shrieked, shaking Max while drunkenly pointing at the two while Max stared blankly at him, tired.
Lando was going to murder Carlos.