Archive of Our Own

The Santa Barbara skies were crying as Shawn and Gus walked into the SBPD. Whether that indicated that there was crime afoot or that Lassie’s mood was as it always was, Shawn didn’t know, but he suspected the latter. Really, they were just hoping for a case.

Buzz was making coffee near the entryway when they walked in and he waved at them while smiling. Gus quickly started a conversation with him that Shawn really wasn’t paying attention to. He was more interested in the bright colors littering Lassie’s desk. He tuned into the conversation Lassie and Jules were having. He started to head in their direction, but abruptly stopped.

“Ya know, it kinda sucks that we don’t already do this every year,” Juliet said, unwrapping various tiny pride flags.

Lassiter kept his even tone, but let a soft smile grace his face. “It would have been nice to know it was an option when I came out. I didn’t want to go to the big Santa Barbara Pride parade, so a little celebration like this would’ve been nice.”

Shawn froze. He couldn’t have heard that right.

“I’m sorry that there wasn’t something like that for you. I know how overwhelming those city-wide celebrations can be.” Jules responded.

“Yeah, well, it is what it is. At least we have it now, so some other poor person doesn’t think they have to immediately launch into being out to the whole city.”

No.

No, he did hear that right.

“Shawn? What’s wrong?” Gus asked worriedly. “You just stopped moving entirely.”

“Nothing is wrong my fruity friend,” Shawn said as he threw his arm around Gus, “I just have a question I want answered right now.”

Gus huffed and rolled his eyes as his friend dragged him across the station. “I’m not gay, Shawn.”

Shawn beelined for Lassiter’s desk, Guster in tow. He realized about halfway there that he had no idea what he was going to say. He can’t just ask if Lassiter is gay and he’s actually had a chance this whole time. He has to get him to volunteer the information, but how?

“Wonderful weather we’re having on this colorful day!” Shawn said.

“Shawn, it’s raining. We’re having terrible weather,” Juliet volunteered, continuing her task.

“Yes, but I do predict a rainbow in our near future.”

“I fear that is just your excitement for Pride month talking,” Gus added, rolling his eyes.

“June first is tomorrow. I’m not wrong either way.”

“Spencer what are you doing here? We don’t even have a case right now.” Lassiter asked, finally reaching the end of his rope with the conversation.

“I can’t just enjoy some good old decorating at the Santa Barbara Police Department, Lassie-pants?”

“You aren’t helping, Spencer. Make yourself useful or go home.”

“Sure, Lassie-face. What can we help with?”

“Shawn, I did not volunteer to help.” Gus winced dramatically when that earned him a kick to the calf.

“Why don’t you two unfold and steam the big pride flags that are going on people’s desks?” Juliet volunteered.

“They’re going on the desks?” Gus asked.

“Yeah, for the people that want them.” Lassiter offered.

“Aaaand do you want one, Lassie?” Shawn asked, batting his eyes.

Lassiter sighed. “Yes, Spencer. When you get around to it.”

“And which one would that be?”

Lassiter grunted, trying to untangle the banner in his hands, but just managing to tie it in a knot instead. “How about you come back to me after you get through the rainbow ones? We have a lot of those.”

“Yoooouuu got it, Lassie!” Shawn said, practically jumping to do his new job.

As it turns out, steaming the flags was much more difficult than anticipated. The fabric, nylon Shawn suspected, melts easily and they have been holding the steamer too close. If they didn’t hold it that close, the wrinkles didn’t come out. It was honestly a battle. Thankfully, Gus was familiar with the steamer and was having much more luck.

Shawn had been distributing the flags as Gus got them done for the better part of an hour before they moved on to the next flag. There were so many options.

“Shawn. Shawn, which flags?” Gus asked, trying to pull Shawn from his racing thoughts.

Shawn picked up the Bisexual flags and handed them to his partner. There were only two of them. Maybe one was meant for Lassie?

“I wish there was something I could do. I am losing my mind here.”

“I know Shawn, but it is better for everyone if you stay away from the steamer.”

“I know, I know. Not having something to focus on is killing me.”

“The problem is your focus if you ask me.”

Shawn sighed dramatically. “Maybe I’ll just ask for something else to do.”

“And leave me here steaming your pride flags? I don’t think so.” Gus said with the biggest side eye.

Shawn chuckled. “Come on, buddy! Don’t you want to see me get a chance with the guy I like?”

“I would actually much rather not be here when that happens.” Gus produced a freshly steamed Bi flag and shoved it at Shawn. “Now take this and ask your question.”

Shawn took the flag from Gus and skipped over to Lassiter’s desk. Lassie was focused on untangling another banner and didn’t register Shawn walking up.

In the most showman voice he could muster, Shawn dramatically held up the flag and asked, “Is this your flag?”

Lassie sighed at Shawn’s over the top presentation and looked up.

“Wrong, Spencer. Close, but wrong.”

Shawn’s smile waned slightly.

“I thought I had you figured out.” Shawn said, disappointment slipping into his tone. He spun around, facing away from Lassie and began looking at the desks he’d not been to yet. “So, if it isn’t yours, who does this one belong to?”

“I think McNab was asking about a Bi flag yesterday. Ask him.”

“Thanks. Will do Lassifrass!”

Lassie rolled his eyes as Shawn walked away and quietly called after him. “Spencer. I’m Pan, not Bi.”

Shawn looked over his shoulder, eyes lit up, before continuing toward McNab.

Lassiter shook his head and smiled.

“I’m telling you, I think I’ve got a real chance here!” Shawn exclaimed to Gus, who was beginning to get tired of all this unpaid labor.

“And I’m telling you, I don’t think it’s a good idea. I mean, you only just found out he’s into dudes. That doesn’t mean he’s into you.”

“He is too into me! I’ll have you know he’s been flirting back at me for three months.”

“And you thought he was joking for all three of them. What if you do this and he was? People jokingly flirt all the time.”

“But not Lassie. I mean, have you met the man? Once he starts flirting and means it, he’s committed.”

“Key words Shawn, means it.”

“You’re a killjoy sometimes, man.” Shawn said as he crossed his arms and leaned against the wall.

“I’m trying to keep you realistic, Shawn.” Gus finished steaming the last flag. “Now, take this to Lassiter and don’t do anything stupid.

Shawn all but skipped, holding the flag behind him so it flapped as he hurried back to Lassiter’s desk.

Lassiter looked up as he heard rapidly approaching footsteps. He saw Shawn and the stupid, silly grin on his face. Lassiter’s lips curled ever so slightly at the sight.

“I’ve got it Lassie! Pressed neatly, courtesy of Gus of course.”

“Of course,” Lassiter confirmed. “Thank you, Spencer.”

“All in a day’s work, Lassie-face! What do you want me to do with it?”

Lassiter hummed thoughtfully. “You see how McNab has his pinned to the front of his desk? Would you mind to do that for me?”

“You got it Lassifrass! You have pins?”

Lassiter grabbed a couple of clear pins out of a drawer and placed them gently on the desk, in front of Spencer.

Shawn dropped to his knees and started lining the flag up with the front of the desk. He was eager, not quite like a golden retriever, no. He was more like a husky, always loud and opinionated.

As he carefully pinned the flag to the desk so that it didn’t touch the ground, Shawn tried very hard to keep his mind on the task at hand. He was not going to think about the other context he wished this was happening in. He was not going to think about what Lassie would look like if Shawn looked up at him through his eyelashes. Nope, not at all.

Shawn carefully stood up and found that Lassiter was already looking at him.

“All done, Lass. I’m pretty sure it’s straight, but then again, does it really need to be all things considered?”

“I’m sure it looks fine.”

“What time is this little celebration supposed to start?”

Lassiter turned back to the paperwork he had started. “Five, I think. The chief is having it catered.”

Shawn glanced at his watch. It was only four, he had time to kill.

“Thanks, Lassie. Gus and I are going to run and get smoothies before. You want something?”

Lassiter looked up, surprised. His wide eyes met Spencer’s expectant ones and he was suddenly finding it very hard to say anything. He cleared his throat as he looked back down at the paperwork.

“Sure, Spencer. Whatever you think the best one is.”

Shawn was practically vibrating due to his nerves. He hoped Lassie wouldn’t look at him again so he didn’t see it.

“Okay. Be back soon, Lass!”

Shawn and Gus goofed off until nearly time for the party, grabbed the smoothies, and headed back.

As they walked in, Shawn took in the scene. There was a table of food that some desks had been moved to accommodate. There were flags on the fronts of desks, laying over the desks, and being worn like capes.

Shawn looked at Gus and smiled. Gus smiled back, all of his work having been worth it.

Across the bullpen was Lassie, leaning back against his desk. His suit jacket was hanging on the back of his chair; his tie was folded on the desk behind him. The sleeves of Lassiter’s white shirt had been unbuttoned and rolled up to expose his forearms. He was laughing with Jules and a couple of other officers.

All of a sudden, Shawn didn’t know what to do with himself. He wasn’t sure he wanted to walk up and disturb the head detective. He didn’t want to break whatever magic had Lassie laughing and smiling like that.

He and Guster had already started walking in their direction, but Gus had abandoned him to talk to Buzz. This left Shawn standing still, two pineapple smoothies in hand, in the middle of the room.

After a minute or two, that felt like the longest of Shawn’s life, Lassiter looked up. He locked eyes with Shawn. He motioned Shawn over with that two fingered “come to me” movement that is so hot.

It snapped Shawn out of his stupor. Shawn blinked a couple times to make sure he had seen what he thought he’d seen. The expectant look on Lassie’s face set him into motion. He did his best to carry himself across the rest of the bullpen with some dignity instead of running over there like he wanted to.

Lassie was participating in the conversation again when Shawn walked up, but he looked to him as he continued talking. Shawn silently offered one of the smoothies and Lassie took it, scooting over to give Shawn the room to sit on his desk, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Lassiter took a sip of the smoothie when the conversation moved on without his input. His lips quirked up into a smile and he said a quiet “Thank you” to Shawn, so just the two of them could hear.

Shawn smiled softly as the shock and awkwardness of the situation wore off, starting to enjoy himself. He kicked his feet gently as he listened to one of the officers tell a story about his husband. He turned to look at Lassie, who looked enthralled in the story.

But, having been trained his whole life for pattern recognition, Shawn realized that Lassie wasn’t listening as closely as he appeared to be. His hand, bigger than Shawn’s own, had been inching just ever so slightly closer to Shawn’s over the duration of the conversation. The anticipation was killing him, but he didn’t want to scare Lassie off. He couldn’t just do nothing though, so he inched his hand closer to Lassie’s.

There was just enough room for their hands to not be touching. Just enough room for Lassiter to decide not to follow through.

Lassiter didn’t take the out as Shawn expected him to. Once he realized how much closer Shawn’s hand was than the last time he looked, it emboldened him. In one motion, he slid his hand to lay over Shawn’s completely.

Shawn sucked in a breath and held it, like if he let it out he’d wake up. He looked down and their hands as Lassie’s thumb began to move, making soothing swipes across the side of his hand. He was so focused on the new connection that he didn’t realize Lassie’s face had gotten so close.

“Breathe, Shawn.”

Shawn’s eyes snapped up at the whisper. Lassie had leaned across the desk and he was so close. He was so close and his lips were right there. One movement and Shawn could kiss him.

What had Lassie said? Oh, right.

As soon as Shawn had taken a breath, Lassiter leaned back across the desk to sit up straight. He started talking again, telling some story, like nothing had just happened.

Shawn scanned the room again to distract himself and found Gus staring at him, concerned. Shawn gave him a thumbs up with his right hand, the free one. Gus smiled and let out a breath of his own, before turning back to the group he was talking to. Shawn smiled too and turned back to the conversation in front of him.

Soon, Shawn gained some courage. He turned his hand under Lassiter’s, so that his palm was up, and interlaced their fingers. He didn’t have to wait long before Lassiter’s fingers closed around his hand and squeezed.

Shawn began kicking his feet and listening to the conversation after that.

About half an hour in, Shawn’s stomach growled loud enough for everyone in the group to hear. Jules laughed.

“Have you eaten anything, Shawn?” she asked.

“No, not yet.” He answered sheepishly.

The hand on top of his squeezed and withdrew. Shawn was already missing the warmth and the contact.

“Go. Get something to eat.” Lassie said.

Shawn took a breath and quietly said, “Okay.” He started toward the table, mind running a million miles a minute.

As Shawn filled his plate, he watched the other officers leave Lassiter’s desk, save for Juliet. Shawn didn’t know what to think. He beelined for Gus and pulled him aside.

“He held my hand.”

“He held your hand?”

“Yes. Gus what am I gonna do?”

“What do you mean? Sounds like a pretty good indication that he’d take your confession well.”

“But he just held my hand. He didn’t say anything.”

“You know Lassiter, he’s not good with feelings. He probably didn’t want to say anything in front of all those people.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Shawn glanced back over at Lassiter only to find him watching from the same position Shawn left him in.

“I’m gonna go.” Shawn said, scurrying off already.

When he reached Lassie’s desk, Lassiter was eyeing the plate in his hands.

“Doesn’t look like you’ve eaten any of that, Spencer.”

Shawn sat back down next to him and Lassiter stole a grape off of his plate.

“So, I was Shawn fifteen minutes ago, but I’m Spencer now?”

“You are deflecting.”

“So are you,” Shawn pointed out, popping a blueberry into his mouth.

“Fine, fine. Force of habit. I’m sorry.”

“Forgiven.” Shawn eyed Lassiter as he stole a block of cheese off his plate. “Did you send me to get food for both of us?”

“Its not like anyone is policing us getting more.”

Shawn rolled his eyes.

Lassiter looked him over. “You’re being uncharacteristically quiet.”

“Processing.”

“Processing what?”

“This? Us? I only just found out you liked guys today.”

“Shawn, I’ve been flirting with you for months.” Lassiter said, brow furrowed. He swung one leg up on his desk and let the other hang off, so he was fully facing Spencer.

“I thought you were joking. I have flirted with you the entire time I’ve known you. I never thought I had a shot, so it stayed a joke until today.”

“When I told you.” Lassie acknowledged. “So, you thought I was messing with you?”

“I thought we had finally become real friends, man. You were nicer and you were jokingly flirting back. I just thought that was our thing.”

“For what its worth, I would never mess with your feelings like that.”

“Thanks, Lass. Looking back, I guess I should’ve known.”

“It’s fine. I should’ve been more forward if you weren’t getting it.”

Shawn smiled. He grabbed a piece of pineapple and ate it.

Lassiter took the plate from Shawn’s hands and sat it on the desk behind them. He then took Shawn’s hand in his own.

“Well, I suppose if you need me to be more clear with things, I want to date you Shawn.”

“Like boyfriends?” Shawn tilted his head.

Lassiter shrugged, “If you want, yeah.”

Shawn let out a breath that came out more like a laugh.

“What?” Lassie’s eyebrow quirked up.

“Man, I was so stressed trying to figure out how to ask you out.”

It was Lassie’s turn to laugh then. “And there was no need for it.”

Lassiter stood, still holding Shawn’s hand, and moved to stand between his legs. He took his other hand and placed it firmly under Shawn’s chin, tilting his head up. Shawn decided that Lassie was not moving fast enough for his liking. He took his free hand and grabbed his shirt collar to pull him down for a kiss.

It wasn’t terribly passionate or too sweet and soft. The kiss was firm, like a confirmation that everything was not going wrong. A promise of more to come. A pineapple flavored assurance.

When Lassie pulled back, he placed a softer kiss to the hand he was holding.

“I’m going to help clean up. You should probably go talk to Guster. I can feel his eyes boring holes into the back of my head.”

Shawn moved to see behind Lassiter. Gus was looking very intensely at him.

“How’d you know that?”

Lassiter put a hand to his head in Shawn’s signature style as he backed away. His laugh sounded like sunshine and rainbows when he saw the glare Shawn was giving him.

Shawn smiled after Lassiter turned around. Gus was never going to hear the end of any of this.