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Nolan knew that Nick was going to be angry. He was going to be livid. In the very unlikely event that Nick didn't fire him, he would probably never talk to Nolan ever again. But Nolan thought it was the best course of action. If he hadn't made a deal, then the defense would have won. All the evidence they needed to win the case was dismissed under some bullshit circumstances, and Nolan knew that they couldn't win without it. But he was still dreading telling Nick. he knew that Nick was aware of what he did; the defense made sure to let everyone know what Nolan had done. And Nolan didn't feel good about it. He hated giving in. Unfortunately, he also didn't like how things were turning out. So he made an executive decision that might very well have been the end of his career. He wouldn't know until he opened Nick's office door. He stood there with his hand hovering over the doorknob. He took a breath and opened the door. Nick was standing in front of the window, fists clenched. Nolan was afraid to say anything.
But he couldn't just do nothing. "Nick," he announced himself. Nick turned around sharply. Yeah, he was fucking pissed.
"Criminally negligent homicide? You seriously made a deal with the defense without my consent!?" Nick asked, anger bubbling up. Nolan took another breath as he closed and locked the door, and then closed the blinds. He stepped towards Nick and went over his words in his head.
"Uh, yes, I did. given the facts--" Nolan said.
"He'll be out in a year! Hell, they might even suspend his sentence," Nick said, bafflement and anger showing on his face.
"Yeah, but at least we got something. We didn't have the cards, Nick; we just didn't." Nolan tried. He knew that his situation wasn't getting any better.
"That is my decision," Nick argued. "Not yours." Nolan weighed his options. He paused for a moment.
"I just couldn't stand there and watch you destroy your career," he said, trying his go at empathy. And it was true. If Nick lost his job because Nolan was unable to win the case, he would never forgive himself. And he wasn't sure that Nick would forgive him either.
"You should worry about you," Nick said, his tone deep and threatening. "About your career." Nolan didn't expect that; he almost flinched. Was Nick actually going to fire him?
"Well, that's whatI'mm doing, Nick," he responded. Nick looked as if he was internally rolling his eyes.
"And how's that?"
"If you go after Sullivan, you will get blown up. You'll lose the election, and I will lose my job, and I like what I do, and I'm good at it," he said, but his confidence was wavering. "So if it makes you feel any better, I did this for me. Not you." he regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. This was it. This was the end of his job at this office. And maybe the end of their relationship, and if he was honest, Nolan was scared. He didn't want to lose his job; he liked it, and he had worked hard to get it. And he didn't want to lose Nick, one of the last relationships that he had been able to hold onto. One of the only people who hadn't vanished from his life.
Nick looked concerned now, more than angry. "It doesn't," he said. "Someone needs to hold the line. Why not us? Why not now?"
There was a heavy silence between them. Nolan looked away, unable to make eye contact. he wanted to talk. wanted Nick to say something, anything. But every time he opened his mouth to speak, the words wouldn't form. Nolan took a step forward, but Nick stepped away from him. "Nick," Nolan said quietly. The other man shook his head.
Nolan nodded, understanding that Nick needed some time alone, and left. He was stopped halfway to the elevator by Sam, who could obviously see that Nolan was upset. They took a cab together to Nolan's apartment. He hung up his coat and made a beeline for his whiskey. he didn't drink, at least not excessively. But right now, he needed something to numb all his feelings. But Samm took the bottle out of his hand and put it on the counter. He stared at her, at a loss for words. She put her arms out, and he let her pull him into a hug.
They sat together on the couch, without alcohol. "How long have you known?" Nolan asked. He felt like a child, curled up next to her with his head on her shoulder.
"A while. I didn't want to say anything because I thought that you thought I would get you two in trouble. which I wouldn't, by the way," she said. Nolan smiled.
"I know you wouldn't," he laughed. But his smile faded. "I shouldn't have done it. He hates me. I think I could live with being fired. But if I lose him because I was trying to help him? I don't know... I just can't."
Sam sighed. "You're not going to lose your job. And I don't think he's going ot break up with you," she said. "You two have been together, for what? two-ish years? He likes you, Nolan. And you like him. You guys can't let one bad decision ruin your relationship. Just talk to him and help him understand why you did what you did, and maybe he'll help you understand why he's so angry."
"I know why he's angry; hell, I'd be fucking pissed if my EADA went behind my back too. But what if he won't talk to me?"
"Oh, he will. And if he doesn't, then I'll make him. I've got a lot of money hanging on you tw," she said. Nolan looked up.
"You've been betting on us?" he asked.
"Yeah. Me, Hendricks from accounting, Bailey over in IT, and most of the detectives at the NYPD," she said with a sly smile. Nolan blushed and was about to argue that gambling on other people's lives was irresponsible, but there was a knock at the door. Sam got up to see who it was. Nolan heard hushed voices and stood up to see what was going on, but before he could move, he saw Nick standing in front of him. They stood there awkwardly, not sure what to say to each other. Sam was the first to speak.
"I'll leave you two to it," and she left them alone with each other. Nolan couldn't bear the silence. So he walked into the kitchen and poured the whiskey into the abandoned glasses. He offered one to Nick, who took it hesitantly. They drank together, but still neither of them spoke. They had both royally fucked up.
"I didn't do it for myself," Nolan said after a long while. Nick still didn't say anything, so Nolan continued. "I did it for you. I didn't do it because I'm good at my job; I made the deal because you are too good at your job to lose it over a mistake in judgement. I'm not very good at politics, believe me. But I know the lengths politicians will go to just to get what they want. And I know that they wanted to ruin you. They would have ruined you if we kept fighting them. I wasn't going to stand by and watch that happen. Not to the..." the words died on his tongue. "Not to the man I love." Nick finally turned towards him.
"Nolan..." Nick began.
"I get that you're angry," Nolan continued, tears beginning to gather on his lashes. "But I just couldn't let them do that to you." Nick set his glass down and wasted no time pulling Nolan into an embrace. They stayed there for a while until both pulled back a bit. "Do I need to clean out my office?" Nolan asked.
The color seemed to partly drain from Nick's face. "What? No, why would you need to do that?"
"You made it pretty clear that you were ready to fire me. I can accept that, but I need to hear it from you. Not on a note or in an email." Nolan said, wiping his eyes. It was silly of him to cry, making the whole thing more dramatic than it needed to be.
"Nolan, I'm not going to fire you," Nick said plainly. "This office needs you. That's why I was so angry. You were so worried about my career that you almost threw away yours. We need you." he paused. "I need you... I'm... I'm sorry I yelled. I'm so sick and tired of all this bullshit. All the politicians who ruin lives and take what they want no matter who gets hurt. I'm tired of them going after innocent people. I'm tired of them going after you. I'm done with it all." Before Nolan could respond, Nick pulled him into a kiss. It was welcome and warm. Nolan melted at the touch, placing his hands on Nick's shoulders. he leaned into the kiss as his mouth opened and let Nick's tongue in. god, he never got tired of that taste. And paired with the whiskey, it was intoxicating. They were both untucking their shirts, hands now on chests, as the door opened.
"Hey, sorry I forgot my phone--" Sam announced. She stopped as both men scrambled to get off each other and pretend that nothing was happening.
"SAM!" Nolan exclaimed. "You could've knocked," he said as a bright red blush made its way across his face.
"I didn't mean to walk in on a make-out sesh." she laughed. Sam got her phone and slowly backed up to the door, a wide smile painting her face. "Y'know, you two are really bad at hiding your relationship. I mean, I've got threePost-itt notes with tally marks for every time you've kissed at work--"
"Good night, Sam!" Nolan blurted out, attempting to hide in his hands. Sam saluted them as if it said 'carry on boys!' and closed the door. Nolan and Nick both let out a sigh in unison. Nick saw how red Nolan was and just started laughing. When they had both settled down, they made their way to the bedroom. Like always, Nolan was just tired, and Nick liked Nolan's bed. His bed was more expensive and better quality, but Nolan's bed felt familiar. Nick was expecting the younger man to follow him, but instead he began to gather clean clothes: a shirt, sleep pants, underwear. He made his way to the bathroom, and Nick heard the shower start. Nick wasn't the kind of guy to walk in on someone changing in the bathroom. It was just disrespectful, creepy, and just plain rude. But he couldn't help but peek in through the cracked door to see Nolan adjusting the water temperature to his liking and then getting in. his heart skipped a beat as he imagined being there with him. Against his better judgment, Nick opened the door and walked in and slowly moved through the steam-filled room. He saw Nolan take notice of his presence through the patterned glass of the shower door.
"Well, are you just going to stand there?" Nolan asked. Nick blushed. He slowly began to remove his clothes, not bothering to fold them. he slid in and stood in front of Nolan, facing his front. He looked even more divine while wet. He ran his hand down Nolan's waist and began to massage his chest and nipples. The water was loud enough that no one would be able to hear Nolan's moans, but not so much that Nick couldn't. And they were beautiful. Sirens' songs calling to him. he pulled Nolan into a kiss, still playing with him. They explored each other fervently and with passion, their bodies warmed not by the water. In one movement, Nick found his way to Nolan's lower half and let his fingers explore the place that he knew so well. When he found Nolan's entrance, Nolan jumped and then relaxed as he melted onto Nick's digits. They had never done this before. Nick didn't know why, though. Nolan looked amazing as Nick unraveled him in bed. But he looked stunning as he unraveled while under the soft spray of water. Nolan's hands went to the shower walls as he felt Nick go further up inside of him, his legs beginning to shake. Nick pulled out and moved behind Nolan.
"This might hurt, but only for a minute," he said. Nolan nodded and closed his eyes. It did hurt, and Nolan cried out, knowing that Nick loved to hear it. But then he felt a wave of pleasure wash over him. Now his entire body shook as he felt his climax approach. As it bubbled up, he felt Nick's own release filling him. It was heavenly. His climax hit him, and he felt the milky substance paint the wall in front of him as he collapsed into Nick's arms. Nick helped him clean up, dry off, and then get dressed. As they lay together under the covers, Nick turned to Nolan and pulled him against his chest. "I'm sorry. What you did was... well, I didn't like it. But I understand why you did it. I did the same for you, so I guess we're even now."
"Yeah, I guess so," Nolan said sleepily.
"I want you to know that I would never hurt you. After you left, I realized that I was... did I scare you?" Nick asked.
"A little. I thought it was the end. I knew that what I did might have ended my career. And our relationship. But I thought it was the right thing."
Nick sighed. "I know, love. And maybe it was. I'm done. done with the politics. done with the lies and the bullshit. I'm just going to be the DA now. No more campaigns.No more fancy parties full of people who think they have the authority to break the law."
"Tell me it's not because of me," Nolan said.
"Well, it's not entirely because of you," he replied. They began to drift off. Nick thought about the speech he was supposed to give in the morning. He was truly done with it all. He wasn't going to sugarcoat it. And yes, it was mostly because of Nolan. He loved him. And he couldn't allow self-centered assholes to ruin him. HHe appreciatedNolan trying to help him. he fell asleep knowing that H was doing the right thing.