Now and Forever

This funny little man was going to be the death of him.

Never in a million years would Anthony have thought that he was going to fall for an angel, and yet here he was, doing exactly that.

He'd always thought of himself as nothing out of the ordinary, simply living on a planet that was bound to explode and trying his best to enjoy life. Easier said than done these days, but still. All he needed in the world was a telescope and a good strong coffee, and he'd be set for days. Friends came and went, as did lovers, but the stars always stayed. Sure, they changed and shifted and died, but they were constant enough for him. They'd been there for as long as he could remember; his first love, even as a little boy. Where other children played with toys and chased each other around parks, Anthony had poured over charts of the universe, absorbing nothing but staring in awe at what lay above him.

And from that childhood fascination came a purpose in life. 'Why' had always been a question that pestered him, impossible to answer, yet always looming over everything. It snuck into everyday life more than a person would think, weaving itself into the threads of history and appearing in the most unlikely of places. His life's goal, unachievable as it was, was to answer that once and for all. People called him crazy, there simply wasn't one solution to that question, but that wasn't what he wanted. He knew, deep down, that it would come to him when it was ready, and so he waited.

And now, standing before him, might've been his answer to it all.

He couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face as Asa handed him his own book, his pride and joy, and flusteredly asked for his number. Only moments before, he'd been planning out his evening to be one of peace and quiet, reading until the words blurred and letting Queen's Greatest Hits soothe him to sleep. Now, he has only one plan, and that was dinner.

...

The stars pulsed and flickered around them, spreading light into the darkest crevices of the universe. Crowley and Aziraphale flickered right alongside them, no longer having a need for the cumbersome bodies that humans clung so feebly onto. In a way, they were one and the same. Always together, in every world, every galaxy, never destined to be apart. Even God couldn't keep them from each other, and so now they shone just as brightly as they always should've, floating in the expanse of darkness with only each other as company. Exactly as it was meant to be.

"Funny little things, aren't they?"

"Quite. I don't know if we could ever have been that human," Aziraphale pondered, his consciousness plucking apart a world where the two of them lived hand in hand. "We've got all we need right here, don't we?"

"The only thing I could ever need is you, Angel, you know that," Crowley said, reaching out a hand speckled in light to pull Aziraphale close. "Just the two of us."

"Always, my dear." He pressed himself close against the faint Crowley-shaped outline beside him, feeling the radiance within him glow just a little bit brighter.

Colours of every unimaginable shade danced around them, painting the inky blackness with a light born from love. Reds of a richness the human mind was unable to comprehend stained the universe, melting into pure golds and blues that told stories of times long ago. If they squinted hard enough, a person down on Earth might even have been able to find the silhouette of an angel and a demon among the countless points of light that dotted the sky, wrapped up in an embrace that would last as long as time.

...

"Hold on, hold on, let me guess." Anthony looked Asa up and down, taking in every little detail. Tweed jacket, courdory pants, and an adorable little bowtie that, somehow, he hadn't noticed before. "Alright, I'm going to say... classics?"

"Oh, how did you know?" Asa replied, grinning as he sipped his wine. "Was it the bowtie? Maybe my fondness for pens?"

"Pens? Why haven't I heard of this yet?" He sat forward, genuinely intrigued by the concept of a pen collection. Any doubts flew out of his head; it looked like he'd chosen the right person after all. No one with a pen collection could be mean, that just... wasn't how it worked.

Asa's face lit up as he saw the interest written on Anthony's face, as if he'd been waiting years for this exact conversation. The words spilled out of him in an unstoppable wave, and Anthony barely managed to mask a smile at the passion that had suddenly filled the man before him. God, how was he so lucky? What in the world had he done to be blessed with such an angel?

On a whim, he reached out and laid his hand over Asa's on the table, sparks shooting through him at the contact. Joy filled him at the slight intake of breath that escaped the other man; never before had he heard such a beautiful sound. Asa's hand was warm beneath his, palms impossibly soft from years of handling the most precious of books. He made a mental note to try and repay him for the second edition he'd been given just days before. Already, the pages were worn and, as hard as he tried to prevent it, the spine was starting to crack from the many times he'd flipped through it. It now sat in an alcove just across from the kitchen, a place of honour, and to be treasured forever.

"Ah, yes, as I was saying- Um," Asa attempted to continue his enthusiastic speech, but couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from where their hands lay together. "Pens! Wonderful things, umm..."

"Am I distracting you, Mr. Fell?" Anthony said innocently, leaning just the tiniest bit closer. "Would you like me to back off?"

"No! No, no you're all fine! Everything is just tickety boo." The tone in his voice was almost one of fear, as if he was scared of losing this tiny connection.

But Anthony's mind was stuck on something else. "Tickety boo? What in the world does that mean?"

Asa laughed, nervously playing with his bowtie before responding. "It's just a little phrase I ended up with, and I have absolutely no idea where it came from. Derek always teases me about it, even though he's just as bad. Half the things that come out of his mouth make less sense than all the jargon flying about these days."

God, every minute with this man was perfection. For the first time in many, many years, Anthony felt the overwhelming desire to get to know every single part of him, and love all the oddities and quirks that came along with him. Maybe, just maybe, he could even allow a little part of himself to be seen. Finally, after years of locking everything up, this might just be the man with the key.

...

A breeze ruffled the curtains, bringing the sweet scents of honeysuckle and freshly mown grass into their room. Car horns and the ever present chatter of London spilled in through the half open window; sunlight filtering through the crowds of plants that sat on the sill. Their leaves stretched up, glowing all shades of green in the morning rays as they drank in the sun. At this point, their room was starting to look like a jungle, but that was exactly how Anthony liked it. If he tried hard enough, with closed eyes and a stool beneath his feet, he could trick himself into thinking the countryside was just past their door. Sure, he loved London, but the farms of Sussex had always been his home, his safety.

The stars didn't shine as bright as they did anywhere else.

"Anthony, darling," Asa called from the kitchen where a freshly steeped teapot sat side by side with a cup of the darkest coffee. Their similarities ended when it came to drinks, that was for sure. "Could you do me a favour and grab some milk? There's these cinnamon buns I've been meaning to make, but we just ran out."

"Of course." Anthony grabbed his coat, eyeing the clouds that hovered on the horizon and willed them to stay far, far away. Waltzing into the kitchen, he wrapped Asa up in a hug, and pressed a tiny kiss to his nose. "See you in a moment, Angel."

"Oh you flirt," he laughed, blushing as he tried with no real conviction to squirm away. "Shoo!"

His giggles followed Anthony out into the street, a sound he would never grow tired of in a million years. With a spring in his step, he strolled along, craning his neck to feel the warmth of the sun upon his face. Petals floated down from the cherry blossoms that lined the street, creating a blanket of pink below his feet and kissing his cheeks as they brushed past. For the hundredth time this month, a wave of awe washed over him at this perfect life he'd somehow managed to acquire. Gone were his worries, swept away as soon as he'd moved to the tiny house nestled right in the heart of the city. It's been ages since he hadn't found himself smiling like an idiot at the perfect little man that had wandered into his life and refused to leave.

Sometimes, all it took was the right person to light up someone's life, and Anthony now believed that with all his heart. Those sappy romances he had once hated were starting to grow on him. Maybe, just maybe, one day, he would dare to crack one open, but he felt no need at this point. After all, he was practically living one.

The bell jangled as he stepped into the shop, eyes alighting on the woman standing beside the counter. "Mags!"

"Ah, Mister Crowley, good to see you!" Maggie said, a smile splitting her face. "It's been too long."

"You're the one who disappeared off to who knows where," Anthony replied with a raised eyebrow. "Care to explain?"

Maggie just grinned even wider, and beckoned him closer. It took him a moment to spot the slim gold band that encircled her finger, but as soon as he did, his jaw dropped. "Maggie! Oh my god! When? Where?"

She chuckled at the look on his face. "Only a couple weeks ago, don't worry, I haven't been holding off on you. Oh, it was so romantic, Anthony, a proper dream come true. I swear I cried more times than I can count during the whole thing, so there goes the cute proposal photos."

"Oh shush, you're getting married! When's the wedding?" He grabbed a jug of milk, talking over his shoulder, before returning.

"We don't quite know yet, but you and Asa are invited, of course," she said as she passed back the milk. "We're keeping it small, just friends and family."

Anthony grabbed a truffle from the counter, already thinking of the delight on Asa's face when he revealed it, and passed over a couple pounds. "Well, I'm so happy for you two, it's been a long time coming."

"Thanks, Anthony. And that brings me to ask, when are you two going to join us? You've been together for ages," Maggie asked, winking. "Anyone can see how perfect you are for each other; it's downright adorable."

"We'll get there." Flashes of married life filled his brain, and, boy, was it appealing. Being able to introduce Asa as his husband? The thought made his heart flutter and leap. "See you soon, Mags, and congrats again."

"Guess who's back at the store?" Anthony said as he plopped the milk down on the counter. Cinnamon tickled his nose, and the sight of Asa in a butter yellow apron with icing dotting his nose sent warmth flooding down his bones.

"She's back? Finally! I've had no one to talk about Wuthering Heights with, and she's the one who suggested I read the darned thing!"

"Anddd, they're getting married," he added, grinning at the delight that appeared on Asa's face.

"No way! Oh, I'm so happy for them, they've been wanting this forever!" Asa clapped his hands together, sending a cloud of flour into the air. "I guess I really have to perfect my baking now. Oh you better get ready to be my tester, darling, you'll get sick of sweets by the end of all this."

Anthony leaned over, an arm slung over Asa's shoulder, and licked the icing off his nose. He kissed his angel with lips that tasted of vanilla and happy things, his other hand cupping Asa's face with the softest of touches. At that moment, everything was as it should've been. Leaves blew past outside, causing tiny shadows to flicker across their faces, and they had not a worry on their shoulders. Anthony was sure that were he not mortal, he would've floated up, never to come down from the high that now filled him. If the rest of his days looked like this, he would die a happier man than most.

His heart threatened to leap from his chest as Asa twisted his fingers into Anthony's curls, applying just enough pressure to make his toes curl. His nerves flickered as a tiny moan slipped from his lips, surprising even himself. Asa laughed softly against his lips, and proceeded to spin Anthony around, his back pressing up against the counter.

"Too much, darling?" He whispered, with a gravelly tone in his voice that Anthony had never even heard a hint of before. That wasn't to say he didn't like it, quite the opposite actually. And it certainly didn't help rid the heat pooling in his stomach.

"Not quite enough," he answered breathlessly, kissing Asa with a passion he didn't know he held.

Their breaths mixed together, pants echoing in the tiny kitchen, as they melded into one. Anthony wasn't even sure what he was doing, or what was being done to him; all he knew is that he never wanted it to end. His glasses threatened to fall off, but were seized by Asa a split second before they did. He was sure that his pupils were blown wide, his cheeks a shade of red far darker than they had ever been before. Inside, his mind was whirling in a storm of thoughts, unable to pick apart what he was truly thinking. Who needed thinking anyway? Overrated, in his opinion.

When they broke apart, Anthony couldn't get rid of the wide, goofy grin that split his face. Never had a person made him feel this elated, filled him with this much exhilaration. Asa's expression mirrored his, hair disheveled and face flaming red. All Anthony wanted to do was scoop him up and simply lie together in the same state of peace that he'd just felt. But, there was dough to mix, and icing to be finished. Later, he promised himself, and instead settled for brushing down Asa's hair until it lay as pristine as before.

"Love you," he murmured, laying his head on Asa's shoulder. "Now and forever."

"Now and forever."

...

"You've done it, angel, this are magnificent."

The spices that exploded in his mouth were out of this world, and Anthony had to fight to keep himself from shoving the entire cake into his mouth. Ever since Asa had started baking with true vigor, the house had permanently started to smell like a sweet shop. It had gotten to the point where Anthony got up in the mornings after dreams of swimming in chocolate. He was sure he'd gained at least five pounds just in the last couple weeks. God knows where this passion for making him fat came from, but he wasn't complaining in the slightest.

"You think so?" Asa twisted his hands, watching Anthony as he practically melted over what he'd just eaten. "I wasn't sure about adding cardamom, and I think it's a little dry-"

"Angel," he said earnestly, grabbing him by the shoulders. "This is the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth. No, don't look at me like that, I'm serious."

Asa opened his mouth to argue, but Anthony placed a finger against his lips before he could. "Shush. Now, take a break. C'mon. I have some new ideas I need to run by you."

They migrated to the couch, Anthony sneaking just one more slice of cake before snuggling against Asa and opening his laptop. Star charts were spread on every surface, frantically scribbled notes almost obscuring the actual designs. Copies of all manner of texts lay scattered among them, names of professors and scholars long dead all fighting for space. And that wasn't even mentioning the multitude of half empty coffee cups that threatened to spill on his precious papers. Anthony... wasn't exactly the neatest of people.

This was what most of their days looked like, with Asa popping out to run the bookshop during the week. Anthony taught at a local collaege some weeks, but most of the courses he ran could be done from home, with an online lecture once in a while. The majority of his time was spent on writing, as well as trying to understand the universe. Easy.

His latest book had been a huge success, so money wasn't really a huge problem for them. Perfect, since the bookshop wasn't exactly drawing in enough to live on. Before, Asa'd been working night shifts at Maggie's, just able to get the bare necessities. Anthony had been more than happy to move in, half because of the time he got to spend with Asa, and half becuaause he got to watch the growing enthusiam that he held for hobbies he'd previuously never been able to afford. Hey, if he got cakes and cookies, and mouthwatering things he couldn't even pronouce out of it, he was more than happy to provide. In some ways, he'd never had someone to care for like this, and, well, he liked it.

"Alpha Centauri? Where's that?" Asa was reading over his shoulder, squinting as he tried to pick out names he recognized from the jumble of sciency nonsense.

"My favourite star system," he replied, rummaging through the piles of papers to pull out one covered in scribbles and circled dots. "There are three stars within, Alpha Centauri A and B, and Proxima Centarui, the closest stars that're similar to our Sun. That we've found, of course. For all we know, there's a solar system right next door and we might never find it."

Where Asa could talk for ages about Dickens and the history of one particular sentance, Anthony would never shut up about the stars if he didn't have to.

Asa flopped his head on his shoulder, eyes closing. "That sounds awfully nice, getting that far away, but still feeling like you're at home."

"Well-," There were no planets that they knew of orbiting any of the stars, and the journey would take at least 20,000 years with their current technology. So no, it wouldn't be very nice at all. But, for the sake of being a better person than he was, Anthony kept his mouth shut. "Yeah. Yeah, it does sound nice."

...

In the universe above, two floating entities watched and listened, smiled and wept. Their laughter shot stars across the sky, and their tears rained rocks upon the Earth. There was no rush to their love, as it was an endless thing, bound to stay steady forever. No boredom plagued them, human emotions were of no use to them now, and they managed to find joy in the simplest of things.

Every once in a while, a star emerged into the world with a bang and a flash of light, entering much like the planet they watched over had, and joy flooded through them. Never in a million years would they get tired of watching creation. There was something so simple about the start of a star, and yet, such a small thing held endless possibilities. Every time this formation took place, Crowley wondered if a planet would emerge alongside the shining beacon. He had yet to witness it, but held hope within him that he would.

Excitement flooded through him at the thought of life existing right alongside the humans he cared for so deeply. Where that love had come from, he had no idea, but they were as precious to him as anything. Well, everything except the being that resided so close beside, and made him shine that little bit brighter.

“They look happy.” Aziraphale used the word happy because complexity was not all it was built up to be.

“Yes,” Crowley agreed, his gaze settled on the versions of themselves that sat in comfortable silence, drinking tea and devouring book after book.

It was a perfect world for the humans, as they had not a care except for each other. Everything they needed was there, within arms reach, and if there was ever a need for a bit of adventure, their door opened onto limitless opportunities. The hustle and bustle of London lay just beyondtheir threshold, holding secrets known only to those who searched for them. Smiles were shared every day between the two of them, each one touching the hearts of the stars above them. All in all, they were happy. And that joy shot up to the heavens and filled Aziraphale and Crowley with a delight so pure it had no name. Finally, they could be them, truly and utterly.

...

"The Ritz? Really? Are you sure I'm fit enough to be here, darling?" Asa's eyes were wide as he took in the chandeliers glittering above and the waiters floating around with champagne. Anthony could practically smell the money coating this place.

But it was special, and that's what they deserved. "Yes. You're more fit than most, my angel."

"Monsieur Crowley, I presume?" Anthony almost jumped as a man spawned beside them, a smile on his face and a clipboard in his hand.

"Um- yes, yes that's me," he stuttered, starting to wonder if this really was a good idea. Who were they to waltz into this whole other world of fancy? "Table for-"

"Two, yes," the waiter finished, a twinkle in his eye. "This way please."

Anthony and Asa exchanged a look, somewhat bewildered by what they had stumbled into. As they weaved between tables featuring whole, buttery lobsters and cocktails in every shade, their excitement grew. Many times they had heard stories, legends almost, of the meals that were served here. Never in a million years would Anthony have thought he would actually get to taste any of it.

"Here you are, sirs, I'll return shortly." Their waiter glided away, leaving them in a half stunned state to stare about the room.

"Well," Anthony said.

"Well," Asa replied.

There was a second of silence before they both burst into uncontrollable giggles. Dirty looks were thrown their way, but at this moment, it didn't matter in the slightest. Let them judge, for they would never know the happiness that Anthony felt now. They could have their sad little lives, God knows he never wanted what they had. Asa's laugh made his heart lift, drawn out of the shell it lived in and curious to know what love felt like.

When the waiter came to collect their orders, Anthony had just managed to calm himself enough to talk with a straight face. Asa still chuckled to himself with a hand over his mouth, posture already more relaxed than it had been when they entered.

Anthony reached a hand out, glad when Asa quickly took it in his own, and they sat, making small conversation until their food arrived. Wine had come first, the smoothest Anthony had ever tasted. He had swirled it in his mouth as he had seen others do, not completely sure why, but still savouring the richness it provided. Asa, on the other hand, closed his eyes and, if Anthony didn't know better, he would've said he had ascended to another plane of existence. The bliss on his face made his pulse flutter,  warmth pooling in his stomach.

When their food arrived, piping hot and smelling like heaven, Anthony found himself eager to watch Asa eat.

The dishes they had ordered were even more magnificent than Anthony imagined. The lamb roast he'd ordered was soaked in a gravy that pooled to the very edges of his plate, coating the parsnips and potatoes that encircled the ribs. When he took a bite, Anthony knew exactly how Asa felt. He had to keep himself from closing his own eyes, as flavours he'd never tasted exploded in his mouth. The praise was well deserved, that much was for sure.

"My goodness, Anthony," Asa practically moaned, scooping french onion soup into his mouth. "This is the most delectable thing I have ever eaten. I am never leaving, you can't make me."

"I wouldn't dare," he chuckled, lacing his fingers under his chin as he watched Asa with a small smile. And that was the truth, he could stare all day and never tire of the man before him.

They finished their meals, both stuffed and longing for more. Chatter washed over them as the light faded, leaving the room lit by crystal that cast beams of light bouncing off the walls. Despite being the least dressed up, Anthony felt as if they really did belong with the upper class. It was a mindset, he had realized sometime ago. If you acted like you belonged, no one would bat an eye.

He fingered the box in his pocket, soft velvet brushing against his fingers. The thought had crossed his mind that tonight would be perfect, and he'd scooped up the box at the last minute. They'd only been together a year, but it felt as if it'd been ages. They had slid into each other's lives with barely a fuss, and stayed foolishly in love ever since. Why not make it official?

But, another part of his brain hesitated. What if this made him lose the one good thing in his life? He couldn't bear that, not now. Not when his heart was in the hands of another, and a simple squeeze would rupture all he loved.

He chewed his lip, suddenly fidgety as a realization swept over him. It didn't matter whether Asa said yes or not. Well, it did, but not as much as he'd first thought. If his angel was happy, regardless of if they were together or not, that was all he needed. There must be sound reasons if he said no, and Anthony would respect those, as he had a few of his own. The best case scenario was that they could deal with these problems together, as a team, but there were always other paths that life took. He couldn't control what happened any more than he could move the clouds in the sky.

Why would he not try, regardless of the outcome? Fear?There was no need for that. He always had the stars if things didn't work out. Anxiety? Hah, as if he didn't feel it's icy fingers brushing his shoulders every minute of every day.

With no excuses left, Anthony took a deep breath, praying to everything that this didn't somehow go horribly wrong, and quietly pulled out the box that held his entire future.

He quickly checked that the waiter wasn't going to randomly appear and offer them some drink that cost more than his soul, before pushing his chair back and rising to his feet. His palms were already slick with sweat, heart pumping faster than it ever had. Flashing a small grin down at the man before him, whose eyebrows were drawn together in confusion, he steeled himself and knelt to the ground.

It was awkward and uncomfortable and probably not as romantic as he'd imagined, but he was doing it all the same. He saw the exact moment that Asa registered what was happening, as his jaw dropped and his eyes widened more than he had thought possible. Anthony almost stopped right there, just wanting the excuse to kiss that perfect mouth. But no, that would come in time.

"Asa Fell, my angel, my rock, and my one true love," the restaurant had fallen silent. He cursed them internally, who said he wanted a freaking audience? "Everyday, I am privileged to be with you, and every day I wonder how in the seven hells I managed to end up with a man like you. Words can't even begin to express the love I have for you, but I'll try my very best."

He looked up for the first time to see tears flooding down Asa's cheeks, and his breath faltered for a second. But then, his gaze fell upon the crinkling of his eyes and the smile that reached across his face, and knew that he'ds made the right choice.

"Out of all the universes, all the timelines, I was lucky enough to meet you. Do you know how extraordinary that is? There was a 1 in 1,000,000 chance that I would stumble into you, and we just happened to beat the odds. There isn't another person in the entire world that I'd like to spend my life with more than you. I would love you in every universe. Regardless of any circumstance, I would find you. Because you are a part of me now, Asa, and I can think of nothing better."

Anthony paused again, just for a moment, to stop the shaking in his hands and rid his voice of any cracks. "So I ask you this, a simple question, will you, Asa Fell, be my husband for this life and any that come after?"

The longest seconds of his life played out, the entire restaurant seeming to hold their breaths. His brain spun frantically out of control, already punishing himself. What if Asa wasn't ready, and he'd just pushed him into something that they could never recover from? What if he'd misread all the signals he was sure were-

"Yes. Yes, yes, yes. A thousand times yes!" Asa sobbed, half laughing, half crying. "I can't think of a single better thing."

Cheers erupted, and wine was thrown. It looked like even the richest of the rich had some sense of celebration. Anthony slipped the ring he held with trembling hands, a band that glittered with citrine and rubies, onto Asa's finger, letting out a sigh as it fit perfectly. Their eyes met, both glassy, and watery smiles were exchanged.

"Come here, you silly man." Asa grabbed his hands and pulled him up, so they both stood, surrounded by crystal and flashing cameras.

When their lips met, Anthony finally found his why. The thing he'd been searching for for longer than he could remember flashed into his mind quicker than he could blink. As his hands wound around Asa's waist, eyes half closed in a state of pure bliss, the answer put itself right in his head. Maybe it was the softness of Asa's lips, or the way his breath hitched when Anthony brushed his cheeks with a thumb, blush springing into them from his touch. Maybe it was nothing in particular, and was simply a result of the peace that had overcome him; the knowledge that he got to marry the perfect human in front of him.

"I love you," he whispered quietly, their foreheads pressed together. "More than you could ever know."

"I don't know about that, darling," Asa replied cheekily, his chuckle contagoius. "Whenever I'm around you, the world falls away and leaves me with the most fantastic person to ever walk the Earth. I'd say my love for you might even be greater than yours for me."

Anthony raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Mhm."

"Oh shush." Asa shut him up with another kiss, tasting of everything wonderful.

"Never," he said, and meant it. Asa was stuck with him whether he liked it or not. "Now, shall we get some desert to celebrate?"

"I'd love nothing more."