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It was a fairly rainy day in Spring - on and off drizzle haunted the valley. This didn't particularly bother Elliott, who spent most of his time out by the water in the cabin that him and Sebastian now shared. Sebastian had never minded either; the rain made people retreat back to their houses, so he could appreciate the valley a little more regardless of inevitably getting drenched. As such, despite the storm verging on torrential, Elliott was making his way up to Pierre's shop to purchase a couple items. He had never made very much money as a writer, and so was usually rather cautious of his spending, however, his books had finally gained some traction, and were beginning to become a little more lucrative of a career. Moreover, his income was combined with that of Sebastian, who made an awful lot more than he would have let on from his coding and computer work - certainly more than he was ever going to mention to his family. As a result, the couple had a fair bit more than they were used to, which Elliott revelled in.
The shop wasn't very far from their house, but Elliott habitually embarked on a far longer journey "for inspiration", as he usually excused. Truth be told, Spring was simply that, Spring. He had only resided in the valley for around 3 years, creating two effects: Elliott had few friends, and he had developed a favouring for the colder seasons. He had always found a more dramatic beauty in the darkness, the snow, and the few and far between plants that survived despite the harsh conditions - he adored their struggle in the bitter cold, and the life that still fervently blossomed in spite. As for Elliott's lack of friends, he had felt as if he didn't quite fit with the cast of the valley, and furthermore, he lived a fair way out of the main town. This led to Elliott only really having much connection with Willy, the far older fisherman, and those he met whilst drinking at the saloon, but all those conversations were tragically superficial, entirely lacking a sharp depth that he craved. It was a little different with Sebastian, he too was practically isolate - he had never truly found his place within his changing family, nor did he quite have many friends. It was something about this that had brought the two together; they were both desperately yearning for fulfilment and understanding in a heavily traditional landscape.
After a few detours, to no avail on the front of ideas, Elliott had reached Pierre's shop. Whilst it had far less products to choose from than the Joja-mart, Elliot found a certain charm in the quaintness harboured by the smaller shop. He had walked in and picked up a few items, handing them over to Pierre under a light douse of frivolous chatter.
"Horrible weather really, don't you agree?" asked Pierre, mindlessly scanning with no real passion for an answer.
"I suppose it is rather... dreary," Elliott replied, choosing not to explain his profound love for the downpour outside.
"Oh, I do apologise! I almost forgot- congratulations, it was a lovely wedding," Pierre remarked.
Elliott muttered his thanks, still not quite used to how openly accepting most people in the valley were. He handed over the money and turned to leave, making it half-way out of the door before being stopped. It was Pierre's daughter, Abigail, one of Sebastian's friends. Elliott had never really known her well, having rarely seen her around. This was the first time he had actually caught sight of her since his wedding, she had come specifically for Sebastian, even though weddings seemed to be a whole town affair for the most part.
"Ah, congratulations with Sebastian - I'm glad he's found someone that makes him so happy!" She said, smiling genuinely with a faint sparkle to her eyes.
"Thank you, you're very sweet," Elliott was struck by a jolt of happiness - he was thrilled that Sebastian's friends thought of him highly in any manner.
"You know, it's strange, I guess this means Sebastian won't be moving to the city like he always talked about- anyway, I must get going," Abigail stated with a cast off demeaner.
This felt like a knife straight through the heart for Elliott. His face dropped as he gave a haste ridden goodbye before making his way out of the shop. He had known Sebastian's want to leave the valley, but he hadn't mused on it like this. Him and Sebastian had moved in together about a week ago, but Elliott was far, far from the city. What if this wasn't what Sebastian wanted? Was he staying quiet for the peace of it? Sebastian had wanted to leave, and Elliott was virtually holding him here. He didn't want to be the one in the way of what Sebastian truly desired - he didn't want to hold him back. Elliott shattered. He was awful, completely overlooking what Sebastian wanted. He felt violently ill with himself.
He wasn't good enough for Sebastian. Sebastian deserved better.
Elliott headed home, taking the quickest path and dropping the items to the cabin before telling Sebastian he was going to go out for a short while. Before Sebastian could muster an answer, he had already left. Elliott had a few ways of fixing - more so avoiding - his problems: he could drink, write, or completely isolate himself in a random part of the valley. He had opted for the third choice, as writing in the cabin meant Sebastian asking to read it (writing outside in this weather was a preposterous solution), and drinking meant talking to people - having his thoughts dragged out of him by Gus or even Leah. Hence, he headed to the pier across the beach, sitting with his legs hanging over the water.
He thought of everything, dragging memories and raking them for signs of upset in Sebastian. Every time he mentioned leaving, every downcast glance, every dart of his eyes before doing anything in public with Elliott. He concluded that Sebastian wasn't happy, that he yearned for something else. The idea hit Elliott with a swift violence. He had never matched with others, before and after moving to the valley, and he still didn't. He wasn't what Sebastian wanted - he was never what people wanted. He had disappointed his family back home, and he had definitely disappointed Sebastian. He was simply never good enough. He placed his head in his hands, his long, now damp, hair falling around his shoulders. He was always the same, estranging his family had changed nothing, he would always be the same man, callous and inadequate. His life was a failure, and he was a drastic burden to those around him. Elliott hadn't felt this awful since moving to the valley, since he no longer had family to ruin, but he had turned out all the same as soon as he forced a place into another.
He was in a dreadful downward spiral when he heard footsteps behind him. He really hoped it was just Willy - he didn't want to Sebastian to see him in a such a morose state. He felt a hand on his shoulder; he knew it was Sebastian. Things truly did never quite go his way.
"Elliott? What's the matter? Everything alright?" He enquired, sitting down adjacent to him.
He didn't get a response immediately, but Sebastian knew it'd come eventually. He put his arm around his husband, not minding the sodden nature of his jacket. Sebastian waited until Elliott's tears slowly halted to a cease.
"I am an awful person, Sebastian, I am a tragic waste of a human on this Earth. I don't deserve you," Elliott didn't face his husband, instead staring out across the expanse of the ocean.
Sebastian was rather taken aback by this, a look of slight shock spreading across his face, "Whatever makes you think that?"
"You wanted to move to the city, did you not? I have stopped you from doing as such. I have put a stop to possibly the only thing I could ever tell that you desired! I am a curse on everyone I ever know," Elliott replied, his eyes once again clouding with tears.
"I don't- I don't think that I wanted to move to the city," Sebastian swallowed, "I think I just wanted to get away. You know, from it all, my family, the sameness of everything. You've given me an away, Ell, you've given me someone to trust in, to love. I think that's all I wanted. You're not a curse, you've made my life better- blessed me, even."
Elliott finally turned towards him, him and Sebastian locking eyes. He was sure he had never seen Elliott so downcast. He reached a hand up to wipe away his tears.
"I know you don't believe me yet," Sebastian carried on, continuing to brush away Elliott's soft falling tears, "But trust me, I don't think I could've gone on... not without you. Come on, let's get out of the rain shall we?"
He stood up, offering a hand out to Elliott as he pushed his soaked hair back from his face. Elliott looked up at the other man - he was as beautiful as Elliott had found him the very first time they met. They kept their hands in each other's until they returned home. Upon arriving, they both took a place at the table.
"I'm sorry," murmured Elliott.
"For what?" Sebastian asked.
"You're absolutely dripping, and I'm plaguing you with my sorrows yet again."
"I don't mind the rain, and a sorrow is better halved. I'd much rather you tell me these things, Elliott, we're married, you can tell me anything - I'm sorry I haven't told you this sooner, I hate the thought that you think you're any less than I could need."
Their conversation seeped into the later hours of the night, slowly clearing their discrepancies. It was a talk they both needed, they hadn't truly discussed this much since their wedding, and the importance of it was dawning upon the pair. Sebastian noticed the onslaught of time, so their exchange slowly moved towards the bedroom, the two lying next to each other, gazing up at the ceiling.
"I didn't think I would ever fit in this valley," Sebastian sighed, "I think I've found my place here. You were what I wanted. Thank you for being my place."
"Neither, I guess I believed I would always be an outsider," Elliott smiled faintly, "I've never been so glad to be proved wrong - I needed you, Sebastian, I love you."
"I love you too"
They both drifted off to sleep after a long day, thinking of each other - their place here.