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There was something so vulnerable about a person when they had nothing to give. When someone was so tired, so exhausted with everything else.
Noelle could see it. Noelle could see them. They were looking at her.
“It…was forced?”
It was them. Their voice. Their pain. A gasp ripped itself from Noelle’s throat when she heard it, making the girl sitting next to her tense even more than she already was.
“We were forced?” Kris choked out again, standing there softly. Noelle didn't even know if someone could stand there softly, but they were doing it. They looked reserved, hurt, and tired, all at once.
“W-What are you doing in here?” Noelle asked in response, her heart cracking at the way Kris didn't react to her voice, her words, her anything.
“...I don't know.” Kris whispered, and for a moment, for a moment, a flash of red was visible, and god were their eyes beautiful. She always thought they were. Brilliant and red, and hurt.
“I-I was just-I didn't-”
“It's okay, Noelle.” Kris interrupted, their hair covering their beautiful eyes once again. “I understand. It's okay.” Their voice cracked, and they couldn't hide the way they bit their twitching lip, making for the door to her room.
Noelle wanted to move, wanted to stop them, wanted to apologize, wanted to hug them, kiss them, promise then she’d never leave again, and everything else they never got to do when they were kids.
…
Kris left the room quietly.
Silence ensued, interrupted only by the thumping of Noelle's cracked heart. Kris heard her. Kris heard her stupid little lie.
Forced…what a joke. Who was she kidding, lying to herself? Every second without them in her arms was another second she died inside.
Slowly, instinctively, Noelle curled her knees up to her face, quietly crying into them. She didn't make a peep, not a single noise.
She just cried, tears of regret, longing, and so, so much pain.
It hurt to feel, to think, to be. She wanted to forget, she wanted their relationship to be nothing more than an idle wave while walking, but it wasn't.
Noelle loved Kris. Noelle loved Kris so much it hurt, so much that she didn't have enough space to fit it all, but where could it go? Where could she put it?
She couldn't put it in a cage, or a bottle, no. She was stuck with it, she was left with it, abandoned with these loud, painful feelings, when all Noelle wanted to do was forget.
Why? Why couldn't they have just been neighbors? W-Why did they have to be this way?
Why couldn't they just hate each other?
Or f-for god sakes-forget about each other? Forget about every time they held hands, promised each other, forget every single god damned word they ever said, every feeling they ever felt?
Why!? Why couldn't they…why couldn't she…
“You should go after them.”
Noelle gasped, brought from the destructive thoughts in her head. “What?” She found herself asking, looking at Susie.
The girl was frowning at her. A mixture of disappointment and realization, yet…there was hope. Hope in those sharp golden eyes that Noelle wished she could think about as much as theirs.
“I…what's the point?” Noelle whimpered, shaking her head. “They already heard it. They…already think it. I already-”
“You haven't given up. You can't. Not for them.” Susie bit back, fists clenched. Noelle looked up at her as she stood, glaring at Noelle softly.
“You haven't seen them lately, Noelle. You don't get it, you can't. Kris isn't the same as they used to be, there's…they're suffering. They might not know how to show it, but damn it, they are hurting!” Susie told her, making Noelle bite her lip, hair covering her flooding eyes.
“B-But I-I don't…it hurts…” she whined, closing her big green eyes tightly, trying so hard to just make everything go away…only to be met with silence.
When she opened her eyes, Susie was frowning down at her, a look of utter disappointment on her face. “...They would make sure you're okay. You know that, don't you?” Susie asked.
Despite Noelle telling herself that Susie was wrong, she knew it was the case. Kris wouldn't hesitate to make sure she was okay, whether that mean checking up on her, themself, or sending someone else to make sure she was okay.
Kris always had her back when they were younger, and sometimes…some days…
Noelle opened her eyes, thinking about how open Kris had been lately, how much they had helped her…even with Susie.
Even in her latest dreams, Kris stared at her with a soft appreciation, the beginnings of a smile always on their face.
It made the crushed look on their face mere moments ago all the more painful to think about.
“I…I can't. You don't get it. There's so much…hah…” Noelle laughed weakly, looking down at the floor now.
The two of them were silent for a second, before Noelle spoke.
“I was happy.” She whispered. Susie blinked, and Noelle smiled softly. “On the Ferris wheel. I…I remember. I remember being so scared…I thought it was going to break and that we were going to fall, but…”
Noelle laughed to herself. It was wet and broken.
“The smile on their face? The laughter in that cart…I couldn't ever forget that. I couldn't…couldn't forget the way my heart couldn't stop beating a mile a minute. Kris always made me happy. They always-always made me…”
Noelle bit her lip, feeling another round of tears building up in her eyes.
“I need to go.” She murmured. Susie smiled at her as she exited the room, stumbling down the stairs. Noelle was going to make her way out of the house, but…
She heard something. From the kitchen.
She already knew who it was.
Softly, Noelle made her way to the doorway, seeing a head of messy brown hair facing away from her.
They were sitting at the piano, hunched over, and…they were shaking.
They were crying.
Noelle’s breath made Kris tense, before they suddenly stood up. Noelle froze in place as Kris stood, before they slowly lowered their head.
Kris turned, unable to look at her. They walked towards her, standing nearly a foot in front of the girl. “I'm sorry for intruding.” They whispered, and Noelle wanted to cry, but she couldn't.
Not right now, not…not anymore.
“Kris…” she began, but they didn't look at her. They didn't even move. “Kris, please…just look at me.” She begged, only for Kris to clench their fists.
“I just want to leave. Just let me leave.” They whimpered, voice cracking once more.
Wordlessly…Noelle moved. She stepped forward, trapping Kris in a tight hug, one that they couldn't escape from.
Kris tensed like a wire, hands clenching next to them. Noelle grit her teeth as she cried down their back, yet she opened her mouth, speaking without falter.
“Will you go to the festival with me tomorrow, Kris?” She asked. Kris's eyes widened behind their hair, prompting Noelle to continue. “I…I lied. I wasn't…it wasn't forced. None of it was. You were always there-always here! I-I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, I-I can't-I don't-”
Kris hugged her back, a shaking breath leaving them. “Don't. You don't need to.” They whispered, and Noelle bit her lip, sobbing harshly.
The two fell to their knees, arms around each other and tears staining their sweaters.
Susie watched from the doorway, a smile on her face.
“I’d love to, Noelle…did you…wanna go on the ferris wheel?” Kris asked, and Noelle giggled weakly, nodding her head against their shoulder.
“A-Are you going to shake it this time?” The girl whispered.
Kris smiled, hugging her tighter.
“No promises.”