Archive of Our Own

The portal opened, and a shadow stepped out. The shadow wasn’t tall, but had a presence that made you want to avoid him at all costs. Maybe he wasn’t a shadow at all, but his black clothes would’ve told you otherwise, or the way he blended into the background. It was dark when he emerged, even considering that he landed on top of a building in the middle of New York, maybe the brightest city out there.

Of course, maybe he brought the darkness along with him.

Anyone would’ve expected him to start jumping between rooftops, or to climb down, or do anything out of the ordinary -because in this New York, that would’ve been the ordinary thing to do. New York, what a city!

But he didn’t do anything exceptional. He tilted his head back and let out a strangled noise, like someone punched the air out of him. There wasn’t any stars tonight -or any night. So why did he sound so emotional at the sight of the bright night sky?

……..

It has been two years since the invasion.

Raph had to remind himself sometimes, because it the world never stopped moving after it. It just kept spinning and spinning and spinning until Raph started to get dizzy and unsure on his feet.

The nightmares said otherwise, but who was Raph to judge by that?

He was out with Mikey and Donnie, as usual, making their rounds. It was far too late or far too early, and the clock was ticking-ticking in his head, it is time to go home, it is time to sleep, but one more round, one more round. 

It was an ordinary night. Is there such a thing as an ordinary night? Well, nothing bad happened, anyway. Raph was fairly certain nothing would, although he wouldn’t dare to jinx it. After the invasion, or the very much stopped invasion, thank you very much, most criminal activities just… ceased to exist. It will probably pick up again, but the city is still recovering from its losses, and those who would steal and murder around are either dead or has better things to do than murder and steal around. And, while Raph knew it is a little bit self-centered to think that way, he was sure it also had to do with them. Everyone knew the three turtles that saved the day.

Well, no. No one truly knew them, or that they were turtles, or that there were three of them, although most guessed the number right, but everyone saw the videos and pictures of the fight in the sky. They knew that there were at least some warriors out there who would fight for humanity, and that they loved in New York city, so most criminals just… stopped what they were doing.

It was a thing to be proud of, and Mikey was sure to laugh at it, and Raph felt like someone should boast about it, so he could roll his eyes and tell them off. But Mikey wasn’t really doing that, and Raph felt this awfully empty feeling in his chest like something was missing. If anyone, Mikey should say things like “We scared everyone off, hermanos!” but he couldn’t even imagine this in Mikey’s voice. 

What was missing?

He shook his head. Mission, Raph, concentrate. The Mad Dogz! You are a…

…Leader?

“Of course Raph is the leader,” he murmured to himself.

“What was that Raphala?” screamed Donnie from the other rooftop.

“Nothing! Raph’s coming!” Then he leaped off the roof he was standing on, landing next to Mikey and Donnie. “What’s up guys? Found something?”

“Well…” said Donnie, uncertain, “You could say that. My device can detect mystic energy on this spot. I wanted to steer this way since we started the patrol, but while I do detect the remnants of this highly mystical outage, I cannot tell what the source was. There is nothing here.”

“Maybe someone was just practicing?” asked Mikey.

“A yokai? In the middle of New York instead of the Hidden City. And, I repeat, a lot of mystic energy. This was nothing ordinary.”

Raph sighed. “Is anything ever?”

Then Raph felt it. That itchy feeling at the back of his neck. He knew this feeling well -he bets he caused it a lot of times, too. Raph jumped in front of Donnie and Mikey, hid them out of sight of the… stranger, or whoever was watching them. He stared right at the shadow hidden in the shadows, and it stared back with blinking lights as his eyes. 

Mikey made a surprised noise behind him. “…Raph, what is it?” 

Raph’s ninpo wrapped around his hands. “We are being watched.”

Donnie grabbed onto his tech-bo, pushed a button, and shone a light into the blinking spot frantically -but nothing was there.

“Okay, Raph, don’t scare us like that. I almost dropped my precious mystic detector!” whined Donnie.

“Raph was not… there was…” but there wasn’t. Not anymore, at least. 

And what if someone watched them, anyway? Maybe it was nothing serious. Someone might’ve gotten a little curious. I mean, they were giant turtles, for Pizza Supreme’s sake! They were quite famous, he was just thinking about that a few minutes ago.

Then where did this sudden dread came from?

…….

He was terrible at lying.

Yeah, that was true. Donnie was absolutely terrible at lying. Which is why he couldn’t ever talk about this, ever. Because he would say something silly and everyone would be onto him. 

None of his brothers were good at lying. He wondered how they ever got themselves out of situations before. One thing was for certain; Donnie was the worst. And two days ago Raph said he saw something in the shadows, and Donnie didn’t, and then he told Raph he was probably blind, which he was, on one eye, not entirely, but anyway, it was a good joke, and then made fun of him for being paranoid, and Mikey even made up a little song, Ra-a-aph, sees bad guys in shado-ows, which was truly NOT impressive, but it was, in fact, hilarious, and the three of them laughed until they were crying and yes, Donnie could not get that stupid song out of his head, which was not really a song because there was only one line, but the point is…

In.

Out.

He was a but spiraling, sue him. He didn’t truly think they hurt Raph’s feelings. He was more worried how much shit would be graciously handed to him on a silver plate if Raph found out that he was, unavoidably, right.

Donnie stared up at the screen through his fingers. Sue him, he just couldn’t get this thing out of his head and checked his Genius Built Camera. And look at that! A shadow in the shadows a moment before he shone his light over there. 

Okay, yes, he couldn’t for the life of him make out who it was. He enhanced the video and lightened the screen and played around with the contrast but all he could get is a head, somewhat, at least, because there is a hood on this guy, his bright, glowing eyes, and his left shoulder, slightly reflecting the street light. 

Should he tell Raph? Well, no. Obviously that was the first thing he pledged himself against. It’s probably no one anyway. A big, fat, no one. He can just… install more cameras. Up around the lair, in the lair, in the vents, on the street around the lair’s 5 miles perimeter, maybe into the bathroom… no, okay, that’s too far.

He wiped his face down with his hand. Hoooo-boy. Why was he reacting this way. This probably isn’t the first time they had a stalker. This is also the only time he saw that guy. He checked and double checked. And triple checked, just to be safe. It was just something about this guy, something familiar but also deeply unnerving, his eyes shining into Donnie’s eyeballs like he wants to cut his shell open and…

“DONNIE!!!” 

Donnie fell out of his seat. Gracefully like a turtle dove. Maybe because Christmas was coming in a few weeks.

“Angelo, would you be so kind to NOT SCREAM MY SOUL OUT OF MY BODY?!”

“Sorry, can I come in?”

“Gimme a sec,” and he deleted the picture just to be safe before he opened the door. 

Mikey was standing there, all innocent wonder on his face. Donnie squinted at him. Yeah, he wasn’t buying whatever Mikey was selling. “What can I do for you this fine evening, Michelangelo?”

“Do. You. Want. Ice-cream?” Mikey beamed at him not even a little bit bothered by his full name.

Donnie wasn’t sure about his response. This was a trap, he felt it. Such a big trap. Probably an obvious one, too. He just couldn’t get his mind to function well after such a scare, which Mikey might’ve predicted because Mikey is also very smart… “Yes…?” The answer tumbled out of him without really meaning to.

“It’s so nice of you for going to the store to get it!” 

“Nope. Nope.” He stated and slammed the door.

“Noooooo Donnieeee,” came the whining from the door, “but I want ice-cream.”

“Then go and get it.”

“Noooo…”

This continued on for a little while until Mikey completely gave up. Any other day, Donnie might’ve been lured into this more successfully, but he had a lot to do. A lot of cameras to install. 

He might’ve had a hundred more cameras then before since the Kraang attack two years ago, but he would never think that less cameras are better than more. 

…….

Mikey wanted ice-cream. 

The air was tense in the lair and Mikey could guess why, but he decided if anyone wanted to talk to him about it, they probably will, or at least they will get a week until Mikey pulls out Dr. Feelings. For now, he would settle for ice-cream.

He tried to use his little brother/brat privileges to make Donnie go get it, but that failed miserably, and he couldn’t very well ask Raph, who has been more jumpy since that night out patrolling, and if he told him that Mikey is going out he would’ve not let Mikey go which could not happen. Nooo Sirr! Mikey wanted ice-cream.

He wished he had another brother he could go to at a time like this. Someone who wouldn’t treat him like a kid or would soften when he used his puppy dog eyes. Yes, both Raph and Donnie did that but it rarely worked on them anymore. Raph became a mother hen after the invasion and Donnie spent more time with his tech than ever. Mikey knew they were all pulling apart because of what happened with the Kraang, but he didn’t even understand why!

It should’ve forged them together even more! And, hey, nothing bad happened to anyone! No one died! Casey is going to school and lives with April, the Mad Dogz are back in business, his dad is fretting over them more than ever, it should’ve forged be smooth sailing now! 

But Mikey knows not all of that is true. Donnie connected to that spaceship-thingy, and it hurt his back. He says it only hurt him physically, not intellectually or emotionally, Angelo, but Mikey knows it couldn’t have been that easy. Raph is 20% blind in one eye and he was a Kraang zombie for a whole lot of minutes. He doesn’t look into mirrors anymore. He didn’t hurt anyone or attack anyone so there is no reason for him to be so extra careful when touching Mikey! Like he will break him.

Mikey sighed into the cold New York air. This winter is warmer than any other. Mikey isn’t sure why and he hates it. He wanted to go and have a snowball fight with his brothers, the four of them just rolling around in the snow… The three of them. No, wait, yes, he meant Casey. Yes. Casey could be counted as a fourth brother, duh. 

Building after building, he jumped like a frog, not like a turtle at all, deep in thoughts. After a while he had to stop to just think about where he is at the moment, because he was on autopilot for so long that he couldn’t tell if he missed a turn or not. 

Something crunched behind him, like a piece of trash.

He turned around like the wind, fast and unstoppable, his chains already in his hands, and he pushed his emergency button that Donnie gave to him. The ice-cream dropped to the ground, half-smashed and forgotten. Is this how Raph felt the other night?

He stared into a shadow on the far end of the roof. It was strange bc he could see nothing but still knew there was something. Dad thought them well, he could blend into the shadows, too, so it was not so hard to tell when someone was doing the same. This guy was definitely doing that.

“Who are you? What do you want? Just so you know, I’m an awesome ninja and can kick your butt in a second!” He hollered at the guy, although he quickly regretted using “butt” instead of “ass”. He was old enough to curse, and also, Raph was not within earshot. “Get out of hiding! Show your face!”

Th shadow didn’t move. Not at first.

Then after a painfully long minute, he reached one hand out of the shadows. It was his left hand, with three fingers like Mikey’s, wrapped up in dark bandages. Mikey couldn’t tell whether it was black or dark grey, or if it had been black once but faded into dark grey. It was dirty. Very dirty. Old and overused, like this guy had not changed those wraps for years. His hands were slim, though. Not as threatening in the light.

“I said who are you?” He repeated.

The hand went back into the shadows. Okay, maybe Mikey was a bit harsh. This guy hadn’t even done anything. Sure, he was creepily standing in the shadows and probably following Mikey but that didn’t mean he was evil! Maybe he just wanted an autograph. A shy fan? Maybe?

“Hey okay, no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you, okay? I’m Mikey, by the way.” He tried to go for something soft and inviting. If this guy turns out to be a creep Mikey can still whack him over his head later. 

“I know, sometimes I like hiding in the shadows too. It can be comforting in a way. But I promise I won’t hurt you.” His chains disappeared. “Do you just want to talk?”

The shadow shuddered but hadn’t answered. Mikey thought maybe he was crying, but it was hard to tell.

“I will sit, hmm? Sit with me?” Mikey sat down. The shadow seemed to do the same. “Do you want some ice-cream? It has a spoon next to the package.”

Th ice-cream slid across the roof and Mikey could hear the shadow tearing the top off and stuffing some into his mouth. There was a muffled sound of enjoyment like this guy hadn’t had ice-cream in aaaages.

“Oookay, you know what? You can have the whole tub. You seem to need it more than me.” 

The shadow stopped eating. Did Mikey use the wrong words? The wrong tone? Maybe the way he said it made the stranger think that he wanted the ice-cream back and he was just being polite. But that’s not true! Yes, the situation was a bit weird but he meant it! This guy definitely needed a pick me up!

“Mikey…” the shadow whispered. Every cell in Mikey’s body hauled to stop. “Mikey I…” Then he sighed, in a way only really old people do, those who lived a long life and regretted everything that they ever did. “The truth is I…” his hand reached out of the shadow, finding leverage on the ground and Mikey was sure he will crawl out of it (not in a creepy way, okay, maybe a bit), and Mikey will finally see his face and find out who he is. The shadow had a lovely voice. It was a bit scratchy but after his initial shock Mikey could find himself soothed by it and the urging need of wanting more of it. He was sure now that whoever the shadow was was not evil at all, because no one who needs ice cream that desperately bad could be evil, and anyone sounding that scared and tired and sad and lonely could not hurt Mikey, so he leaned a bit forward gently, in invitation, and the hand moved further and then…

…..

“Get your hands off of him, creep!” Raph grumbled as he landed between Mikey and the shadow. He punched into the darkness in front of himself with his ninpo, hard enough that when the punch landed, the shadow’s body hit the wall behind him, broke it and fell two stories into a parking lot. 

“No! Raph, no!” Mikey screamed behind Raph but he couldn’t pay attention to him. He could not stop hearing Donnie’s distressed voice as he explains to Raph that Mikey left, and now is pushing the emergency button. Raph imagined that this creep, this shadow monster already cut his little brother to pieces, because Raph always thought of the worst case scenario. So, when he saw Mikey whole and alive his worry turned into furry like boiling water turns to steam and it was about to burn this villain. Bad. 

“The fore mentioned ‘creep’ is still moving, Raph. Let’s kick his ass!” Donnie shouted from the air as he hovered over them.

“Like a boss!” 

Raph heard Mikey scream after him but he couldn’t just let the guy go. Mikey is really nice but he wouldn’t push the button on anyone. And this creep has already made an appearance twice. Raph was not risking another brother on his own carelessness.

He meant a brother. One brother. Right. 

He didn’t have time to ponder on that; his arrival created a crater in the pavement as his whole body weight slammed into it. The shadow’s sported a crater on his own, trying to crawl out of it with his left hand reached over at the side. He looked like he took real damage from Raph, which he was proud of. No one messes with his little brothers.

As the guy scrambled to his feet, and now that RAph could see his whole body, he could tell he was scrawny, although that did not mean he underestimated him now, but it did make him feel better that now he could give this stalker a shape in his mind.

“Donnie, now! Maneuver 3!”

Donnie shot three rockets around his shoulders. “You got it Raph! Eat this, sucker!”

The shadow’s sported tried to avoid the rockets, limping around as he caught up speed but he wasn’t fast enough. Raph could tell that this brother-hunter would get rocked out of that nasty coat of his pretty soon.

“NO!” He startled out of his grin when Mikey grabbed onto his hand. He stared down at his little brother. The tiniest one. Of all the things he ever promised to do, the most important was this. Protect his brothers, at all costs. But the look Mikey was giving him made him weak in the knees. Damn it, he was too soft for that kicked puppy look! “Stop that right now! He’s harmless! We were sharing…”

But he had to refuse him this time. “Mikey you shouldn’t have left alone!”

“I was fine!”

“Apparently not!”

“But…”

“No, Mikey! We are taking care of this now. Whether he hurt you or not I’m not letting some creep stalk us however he…”

BAM. The first rocket hit the shadow on his side, knocking him right into a building’s wall. The second and the third rained down on him like kisses from the gods, if kisses were nukes and were meant to hurt you.

“Got him! Raph, catch!” And Donnie was above him, reaching down with his tech-bo, so Raph did as he was told and was lifted into the air higher, higher and higher, then he let go of the staff at the right moment and landed with his fist out right at the stranger…

“Raph NO!”

The stranger did his best to avoid him. Even half blown up, he was pretty good at sparring, which Raph could appreciate in an enemy. He seemed to know every one of Raph’s move, like he was reading his mind, but every know and then, a hit landed, so Raph wasn’t that worried about teleph-thingy. They worked with Donnie like a well-oiled machine, a hit landing here, a little fire there, a rocket, a kick; but the guy tried to avoid most of it at the best of his abilities, with only one hand at that! Which is pretty arrogant, especially so beaten up. 

And then Raph got a glance at his sword.

It was on his hip -and very familiar, but Raph couldn’t recall from where. The only thing he knew was that this guy has a sharp weapon, and he hadn’t even pulled it out. Not once. His Raph-chasm deepened to a point of no return. Does he think them so weak?

He grabbed the guy roughly, and threw him up in the air.

“Don!” But Donnie was already on it, grabbing the guy’s leg and lifting him high up in the air.

“No no no wait I’m Leo, I’m…” Raph could hear the stranger’s voice from below but he wasn’t sure he heard it right because the creep was already falling before he finished; then Raph grew in size and punched the guy into the same wall they did earlier. The wall crumpled around his fist, which is why the stranger could get out and climb on top of Raph’s glowing hand.

“I’m Leo… Raph stop…” but Raph was already flinging his arm around and dropping the person on the ground. His size returned to normal -but he let one hand grow enormous to punch the guy into tomorrow, never to mess with his brothers again, when the villain fell to his knees, put his left hand up in the air and screamed:

“I beg you! Please!” 

And now, Raph is a lot of things. He is a brother, first and foremost. He is a protector. A Hamato. A ninja. But he is not cruel. He could not look at this obviously defeated person, begging on his knees and send him to oblivion. Because maybe, the most important thing about Raph, is that he is kind.

As he lowered his arm, he felt Mikey and Donnie arrive next to him. Mikey, his throat probably raw from screaming at them the whole time, and Raph already knew how guilty he will feel tomorrow, but it wasn’t time for that yet. Donnie, who was already half-whispering to him.

“Raph, we can’t let this guy off. He tried to hurt MIkey!”

“He didn’t!”

“He could’ve!”

“But he didn’t! You guys beat him up for nothing!”

“He was stalking us!”

“Half of New York is!”

Raph sighed. “Guys, stop…”

“Please…” the whimpering voice called from under the hood. Everyone fell silent at the sound. 

The man of shadows stood up, slowly, grunting in pain from probably several injuries. He put his hands down, and stepped forward; only one step, with one leg, hesitant.

“Guys, it’s me.”

“Who?” Mikey asked.

The stranger took his hood off. Raph couldn’t believe his eyes.

It was a turtle yokai. There was a pang in Raph’s chest that he couldn’t recognize, but it pained him anyway. What pained him even more was the fact that the guy’s face was covered in scars -there was one crossing over his left eye; one over his mouth; his nose-bridge; even the side of his head. And those were simply the bigger ones that Raph could see in this lighting, but as he turned his head there were visible, small silver lines everywhere, sparkling in the streetlamp’s light. Why did it hurt Raph so bad to even look at him? This was a villain. A mean guy he should still be beating up.

“It’s me, Leo! Don’t you recognize me? It’s Leo!” He looked so desperate. Raph’s heart twisted in his chest.

“Uhm… no bud, sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?” He tried, but it was less gentle than it was in his head.

“Are you from the hidden city?” Mikey added thoughtfully. 

The shadow’s eyes widened in what seemed to be heartbreak. He stumbled back several steps, his hand flying to his chest like he could stop his heart from breaking. He could not. 

His breath came harsher and faster. Id he was one of Raph’s brothers, he would’ve hugged him to his chest and would’ve told him to breathe slowly. Do that rectangle breathing or whatever it’s called. He hadn’t the faintest idea where he learned it but he knew it worked.

But this was not one of his brothers. It was a stranger.

“You… but… It’s me! You must recognize me! I… I’m Leo!” He marched forward several steps, his hand wildly gesturing. Donnie lifted his tech-bo towards his chest, but the stranger didn’t seem to care. “I’m your brother!”

Mikey’s breath hitched, and Raph’s head reeled. No, he only had three… two brothers. He had two little brothers. They were already a lot to take care of. He would’ve known if he had more. He was a big brother, first and foremost, after all.

But the way this stranger cried, grabbing onto the clothes on his chest made Raph want to curl around him and protect him from the whole wide world, and yes, he could see how he looks like them, a turtle yokai, and his name was… making him feel things he didn’t want to. Like guilt.

“Don’t get any closer! I warn you!” Donnie lifted the staff further, and the guy stumbled back, keeping his eyes on Donnie. 

“Donnie, you must know me, you are my twin! You… you know who I am! Twins for life?” 

Donnie laughed, and it was almost cruel. “Really? Now did you think that would seal your case?” He waved between the two of them. “We are not even the same species! We look nothing alike!”

The creep looked like another rug was pulled out from under him, because if was surely not one but several with the way he was staring at them, with red-rimmed eyes and all the already forming bruises.

“Mikey, we used to race through the rooftop. I’m your favorite brother! You remember me, right?”

Mikey shook his head, pulling in on himself. “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember.”

But when Raph thought it could not get worse, because how could it get any worse, this stranger-not-stranger snapped his eyes at him, started loudly sobbing, and said:

“Raphie, please! At least you! If anyone could remember me it’s you, my big brother!” Raph wanted to die. “Please, please Raphie!”

No one called him Raphie since they were little children. 

He carried them everywhere on his back. He was always stronger than the others and they either climbed on him or he picked them up, and they had this very clingy phase where he had all his brothers, one in his left hand, one in the right, one on… he held them all day until they collapsed into a turtle pile at the end of the day. They begged him to hold them “Raphie, pick me up!” And how could he ever say no to that.

“Raphie!” This stranger cried now, and he could almost hear ‘pick me up’, but that wasn’t what this stranger was begging for.

What he was begging for, Raph felt he couldn’t give.

He had to look away. It was too much, holding eye contact with this desperate stranger. While he didn’t mean this as an answer, he took it as one anyway.

His entire body shook, then his sobs got louder for a second; then he went completely silent.

“No…” he whispered. “It was true.”

Then before anyone could say anything, he pulled out his sword, sliced into the air, and stepped through a blue portal that led to a void of nothingness.

“No, wait!” Mikey screamed after him, but it was too late. The portal closed.

…..

Leo Pest The shadow was never broken like this before.

….

There was silence in the turtle tank. Disgusting, heavy silence. Every last cell in his body was screaming, and for Galileo’s sake, it was unnatural. 

It reminded him of the Kraang ship. The way it tore into his shell and his body went limp. After that he didn’t feel pain or anything but there was a buzzing in every slimy part of his new ship body. Like something wasn’t right.

It stayed silent on the way home, Mikey gently crying behind him in Raph’s protective arms, while his big brother stared into the distance with the deepest Raph-chasm on his face. Why did they even call it a Raph-chasm? It was a dumb name anyway.

But luckily, Donnie was completely, utterly undisturbed. He is an emotionally unavailable bad boy, so this did not awoke any type of feelings in him. He is calm, silent, content. Nothing is disturbing him. At all.

“Donnie, look out!” This broke him out of his thoughts and he steered right not to hit that entirely rude looking lady on the street. Because he was so totally undisturbed. Duh.

He turned right into an alley and they descended into the sewers. Now, at least, Donnie wouldn’t hit anyone. Not like that was a danger at all, of course, or that Raph’s screaming was the only thing that saved that lady, pfff, no? He was so totally under control. Of the vehicle, not himself. He is also having himself under control. Not thinking of that Leo and his big eyes and how he was begging Donnie to recognize him. 

Of course he wasn’t fucking thinking that! That would be utterly silly. Very silly. Ha-ha. So silly.

He didn’t even realize he parked the turtle tank, or that they already walked up to the living room -but only because he was thinking… thinking… how to stop this guy of course! More cameras!

“I’m putting up more cameras.” He blurted out.

Mikey reached out over Raph’s arm and grabbed his shoulder. He wanted to hiss because touch felt so painful right now but that would mean there was something wrong and that he was overstimulated because of it which was not what was happening at all. “Donnie. We talk. Please.”

Not like Donnie could say no to Mikey whenever he looked that outright miserable, but he listened to someone beg him today and couldn’t do anything, so he wasn’t denying Mikey what he could grant. Although he didn’t think he could talk even if he wanted to.

Not because there was a problem! He was just tired!

SO, they sat down onto that big rug in front of the couch. Wow, yeah. This is going to be heavy. It’s not a couch-talk. It’s a floor-talk. Damn it.

“Look, he is clearly playing with us.”

“Donnie!” 

Interesting that he thought he couldn’t talk and he started it. Huh. Nothing to see there.

“You know what I mean! We don’t have another brother. I wouldn’t have forgotten if we had one. I keep records!”

“Of us?” asked Raph.

“Records!” He blurted out the second next thing to ‘I don’t keep records… of everything. Not all your bathroom habits… just a few.’

“But Donnie, he couldn’t fake that.” Mikey supplied, and Donnie really wanted to disagree.

“He attacked us, okay? Stalked us, too. And then he comes up with this story when he is beaten down so he could slip away without consequences!”

“No.” Raph was silent until then. As Donnie looked at him, he had to note that his big brother looked absolutely wrecked. He hadn’t seen him like this since the invasion. Or maybe he looked worse now, Donnie couldn’t tell. His eyes heavy, his shoulders weighted down by invisible worries. “He didn’t. We attacked him.”

“That’s right! We were just having a conversation and you guys jumped him!”

“And what were you two talking about? Unicorns? Bullshit, Mikey. You pressed my emergency button!”

Mikey sheepishly put his head down. “Okay, well, I panicked. Raph’s paranoia freaked me out.”

“Mikey…”

“It’s true that we only talked! Well, I was talking, he was silent, but we shared my ice cream! He seemed very happy about that.”

Donnie watched Raph scratch his head in thought, and Donnie felt the itching need to do the same. He couldn’t believe Mikey, he mustn’t, because that would open the possibility to the stranger’s words, and the possibility that Donnie somehow forgot him, which was unacceptable and unrealistic.

“He still stalked us! I have it on video!”

“Video?”

Oh, right. He didn’t tell them that.

“No video… I could show you.” He wanted to face plant himself. Great.

“Okay, whatever, Raph’s got no patience for that,” Raph shook his hands in Donnie’s direction, “but Raph has to give it to Donnie. The guy was creepy.”

“His name is LEO!”

They both looked at Mikey, startled. The tears streaming down on his face was making his mask wet, but his eyes were clear and determined.

“He said his name is Leo! And whether he is our brother or not he is sad and lonely!”

“And terribly mystic because he has a fucking sword that makes him able to teleport! Think, Mikey! He could be the most dangerous enemy we’ve seen in a while! We could never know if he followed us! He could slice us up from behind when he was in front of us a second ago!”

“Raph… doesn’t think that’s an actual problem.” Donnie stared at his older brother. His mouth slightly agape, almost comically frustrated with the disagreement. Raph knew the risks! “He had that sword the whole time. Raph just thought he was being full of himself, but he could’ve just popped away when we started attacking? Instead of letting us beat him up? And now that Raph’s thinking about it, I don’t remember him ever landing a blow. He always just -avoided Raph’s fists. Or your rockets.”

That shut him up real fast. The dread that made his whole body itch returned. Raph was right. Le- The stranger hadn’t even tried to attack Donnie. He was out of range, too, but never did he even glance at Donnie.

He took a deep breath. “Okay. Maybe he isn’t dangerous —I still think we should take proper precautions to avoid a sneak attack at all costs and I do not trust him in the slightest— but that doesn’t mean he is our estranged brother. Or long lost, forgotten brother, whichever you prefer.”

“But he…”

“He might just think that, you know?” Raph gently put his hand on Mikey’s shoulder. “I mean, he is a turtle. Maybe he was just a big fan of us and kind of imagined he is our brother and it turned into a delelusion.”

“Delusion,” Donnie supplied.

“Yeah, that. Raph’s just saying, he wouldn’t have forgotten any of his little brothers.” His voice broke at the end, like Raph wasn’t believing himself, either. Donnie hated it. They exchanged a glance. Yes, whatever happens, they had to keep Mikey grounded. They were the oldest. If they had their doubts, Mikey didn’t have to share them.

“It could be.”

Mikey stayed silent.

……

Mikey was staring at a painting of his family. He made it a year ago. He tried to convince himself that if he hadn’t painted Leo up there, right on the wall, then it meant that he was not family at all. That was a family picture, after all, everyone life-sized and perfect.

Leo was not part of that.

Raph was laying on his side, propped up on his elbow, while Mikey was sitting on his shell, smiling wildly back at real-life Mikey. Donnie stood next to Mikey, leaning on his bow nonchalantly, and dada was standing next to Raph’s head. April was sitting on Raph’s leg, Casey Jr. standing behind her. The two of them was on a tour around the world that they saved up for together, because Casey wanted to see the world unfold under his fingertips; he never had the chance to see this whole, beautiful planet in full bloom when he tried to stay alive in the Resistance, and April was more than happy to go with her new little brother. It did mean that neither of them was easy to reach, nor were they much help, even if they had somehow did connect them. Mikey was almost sure they were climbing some big mountain now, although which one, Mikey could not remember for the life of him.

He wasn’t sure why he came to stood at this painting. It’s not like he didn’t know that Leo wasn’t on it, Mikey was the artist, for Pizza’s sake! But he thought it would feel like a confirmation. In a silly part of his soul, he actually thought this would make him feel better, more certain; but nothing really happened. He was just as conflicted as before.

So, he turned to stomp away dramatically, not like anyone would’ve seen it; but then something caught his eye.

There was a smudge on Mikey’s shoulder.

On painting-Mikey’s shoulder, to be exact. Actually, there was one on painting-Donnie’s opposite shoulder, too. The painting had a background, a swirl of the family’s colors, simply because in his artistic vision, that looked better than the dark wall as a backdrop. The smudge on their shoulder looked like as if Mikey painted the background after the family, and somehow gotten it onto the brothers by accident.

But he painted the background first.

Mikey drew closer, closer, until he could see the smudges better. They were mostly blue, although no one used blue in the family, and while Mikey remembered picking that particular paint, he couldn’t quite grasp his reasoning. If he squinted, the smudge could look like someone’s hand.

A gasp escaped his throat; no, wait, back up. He walked back several steps to look at the painting again, but with new eyes. There was space, between him and Donnie, space that shouldn’t make sense. There was bluer smudge between the two of them, and if he squinted again, he could almost see the outline of a person. A person who maybe had his arms around the two brothers –right in the middle, right there, there was enough space for another brother. A blue brother, if you will.

Mikey’s throat closed up. No, that couldn’t be right, no, that does not make any sense. Even if… even if there could be someone it doesn’t… it wouldn’t mean…

But now that he saw it he couldn’t unsee it. The outline of someone he painted with his own hands, because he did remember painting it; like his mind supplied him with someone’s ghost rather than the person itself. Like his mind his heart his soul knew that there should’ve been someone else, like the artist in him felt something that could only be expressed through his art; and if that was true, maybe Leo wasn’t lying.

Mikey had to walk away, or he thought he might throw up from just the thought of it. He hadn’t told this to his brothers, later on. It was something he dared not say out loud, worried he might be called insane; or maybe worried that he might be right.

…………….

Raph was punching the guy through the air.

Donnie and he found the guy stalking them again. They threatened him while already punching him. Raph felt incredibly bad about it.

Their shadow was not evil; he did not try doing anything bad. He was mostly watching, in a creepy way, but over the last few weeks, their encounter somehow always ended up in a fight. Mikey was not let out alone, and when it was all three of them, the shadow seemed to retreat, like he was afraid of them. Maybe he was, and that made Raph’s stomach churn in self-hate he could not forget.

Donnie seemed more okay with constantly being high-alert and fighting this supposedly bad guy, but Raph knew that he hated it, too. Especially that they were lying to Mikey about it –not lying, just not telling. Mikey was too affected by the guy, he thought that maybe there was truth in his words and Raph couldn’t think that, because… because what? Then that would mean he failed a little brother? Someone who he should protect? That he hunted him and fought him like a common criminal? No, Raph hated to think about it, so he decided on not thinking at all. He did do that a lot, anyway.

The guy never said a word. He did his best to run away, sometimes staying a bit longer than necessary, and Raph could not understand why. Their shadow could teleport on command, so why did he not run? Why did he stay to be punched, shot at? Why did he let them chase him through the city, out of breath, bleeding and crying? At least he could’ve begged, like the first time. Raph knew that if he fell to his knees again, this shadow, than Raph wouldn’t have been able to say no to him a second time, but the shadow just kept dodging and leaning away, while his eyes bore desperately into Raph’s own; searching for something, but for what, Raph would’ve given his entire Jupiter Jim collection to know. Just one word, just one sentence, tell me the truth, his fists seemed to say, tell Raph why you seem so familiar. Tell Raph why he wants to hug you more than he wants to punch you, tell Raph why he feels this way, why, why, why.

There was no answer. Not a word uttered between them. And then the shadow left as usual, to where, Raph never knew.

………………….

Pest Leo was wrapping an injury on his side. It wasn’t hard anymore to do it, trickier than anything, but once you figured it out, it was a walk in the park. Except, these injuries were caused by his brothers.

One bleeding cut after the other. Purple bruises bloomed under his skin, and it reminded him of Donnie, or how Mikey could paint his skin this exact shade; broken bones crunched under his muscles that he set with a grim face. No reaction to the pain it caused. No actual care for any of the injuries. He survived worse, he’ll survive worse. Or maybe he won’t, because he was pretty sure that he would let his brothers kill him if it meant being close to them.

And he oh-so desperately wanted to be close; Leo let them catch him enough times to know how much their touch meant to him, even if they were violent. Their ninpo warmed his skin like a thick blanket. It didn’t matter that the thing that was supposed to protect Leo was hurting him. This was the only way to be close to them, so he obliged happily. This was not worse torture than what he had already suffered –it was just worse than any physical injury that has ever happened to him. He watched Raph’s eyes in anticipation, he searched Donnie’s face for just a hint of recognition; there was none. Not a single second of shimmer in those eyes.

Maybe it would’ve been better if he stayed in the Prison Dimension. Or if he had died, permanently.

He eyed his sword now –he grabbed onto it, he held it in his hand, too. The words, you are not our brother, echoed in his head. If he just put the sharp edge to his neck, if he just pushed it a little harder onto the skin then it was healthy, well –well maybe he deserved to indulge in this fantasy. And yes, maybe he drew a little blood, but nothing he couldn’t handle.

As he sat there, an hour later, his neck wrapped in dirty bandages, he wondered if he should still think of how disappointed Raph would be in him if he gave up, when Raph doesn’t actually remember or loves him anymore.

………

Dad’s tea got cold. 

His father hugged him and gently put a cup of tea in his hand. They hadn’t told him about Leo yet, and they weren’t sure if they should —but their father sensed the dark and heavy feelings in Mikey’s stomach and brewed him a good, warm cup of tea. 

Mikey couldn’t drink it.

He knew that both Raph and Donnie are hesitant. They also united against him, or for him, however they viewed the situation, because they believed him naive enough to get into danger if they didn’t strictly tell him that Leo was not his brother. Mikey wasn’t sure what else they were not telling him, other than having a really good guess, and he just tried not to ask them, because knowing it would be worse, at least he thought.

Of course, he had his doubts, but it was unfair! He wasn’t a child anymore! He wouldn’t just blindly believe a stranger just because he looked sad and vulnerable; but he would give him the chance to explain himself. Didn’t Leo deserve it? Didn’t anyone?

No one even called him on his name. It was always “that guy”, “that stranger”, “the creep”, and Mikey was tired of this bullshit. They knew his name, it was Leo. End of story.

Or start of story, he wondered. 

It had been a few weeks since the meeting. Dad brewed him tea every day. Sat there with him for a bit but never pushed him to talk. They chatted about Mikey’s latest awesome drawing in the sewers. If dad knew about those dark paintings in his drawers he would freak out, so he only showed him the bright ones on the walls. That was okay because dad loved his artistic interpretations of things and events and people. 

Dad gotten much more invested in taking care of them and spending time with them since the invasion. Mikey didn’t get why, but he was at every corner, asking about his days and interests. Like he felt that he would miss out. Dad was always a good dad in his eyes, but he wasn’t always as present as he wished him to be, but nowadays he put a lot of effort into being there; Mikey wondered what happened that pushed him. What made his eyes so sad sometimes. He wasn’t like this after the Shredder so it couldn’t have been the invasion itself.

Maybe their dad didn’t even know himself.

So, this dark Wednesday afternoon, his tea went cold. He wasn’t just sitting at the table, doodling into his notebook. Twin swords. An odachi. His blue pen felt familiar and comforting in his hands. The more he drew the more he felt he could grasp something intangible, that he could taste something indescribable in the air, and if he just bit down a big chunk would slid down his throat and in his heart of hearts he would understand everything and…

“Mikey, want to hang out?”

He startled in his seat. Donnie looked at him expectantly. 

“Not right now, Don. I was just…” but looking at his drawings, he felt the thing he was about to understand slip away between his fingers like water.

Instead of disagreeing, he surprised even himself with a question: “Do you remember the invasion?”

Donnie looked more startled than Mikey did when he jumped just a second ago. His eyes darted around the room, like answers would pop out of the fridge if he willed them hard enough. This is not what Mikey was thinking about, so why did it feel so urgent to get an answer?

“What do you mean?”

And no, Mikey didn’t know what he meant, Mikey didn’t mean anything at all, but he felt something, and everyone else felt it, and no one could put these feelings into words, especially not Mikey, so he said; “Never mind,” and went back to drawing.

Two days later they finally went patrolling for the first time in a while, all three of them. Mikey was allowed outside once more; he stared into every shadow, every corner, but nothing emerged.

Six days later he tried to get ice cream again, but this time he told everyone about it, which was a mistake because they all joined him. Leo did not show up that time, however he wished he would, even with his brothers around.

Ten days later he sneaked out.

Okay, maybe that’s stupid of him, but only if he gets caught! Or murdered! Maybe in this order.

He just couldn’t take it anymore. How both his brothers acted like this was normal. Like nothing happened. But something happened and he had to understand it. And if no one else was willing to confront their confusing feelings head on and they instead holed up tinkling with their tech or training then well! Well! It was up to Mikey to do so!

He wished they would just talk to him. Neither Dr. Delicate Touch nor Doctor Feelings worked on his brothers this time. 

He stood on the rooftop where they first met. If that’s where they first met, anyway. He had a tub of melting ice cream in one hand and felt rather quite foolish now. Why would Leo even come back here? Why here? Why now? 

But the moment he started spiraling someone silently exclaimed, “He-ey,” behind him. When he turned there he was. Leo. Covered in that god awful coat of his, which now, in this new lighting, looked like a strip of clothes he ripped from something, not an actual coat. It only hid most of his shell, but it was also peppered with holes of many shapes and sizes, some as big as Mikey’s fists. And if the wrap on his hand was dirty then his cloak was downright unwearable.

“Hi Leo!” he said, trying to hit a cheery tone to lighten Leo’s mood. Leo was playing with his fingers, shoulders hunched, four steps away from Mikey —he reminded Mikey of a dove, unsure if he should take the breadcrumbs or not. “I brought ice cream!”

Leo sat down where he stood and Mikey did the same. He took out the ice cream of the bag and put a spoon on top of it, then slid it over to Leo. Leo took the spoon and haltered.

“This is my spoon,” he whispered, and his voice sounded wet.

“Pardon?”

“I always ate cereal with this.” He hugged it to his chest. It was as if he found some hidden treasure, and Mikey felt his heart breaking.

“Did you?”

“Yeah. You always tried to steal it.” A dry chuckle. “I had to sit on you to get it back. Raph kept telling you that it’s not worth it, but you stole it anyway.” He wiped his eyes with the hand that was holding the spoon. “I wish you still tried to steal my stuff. I would give it to you, anyway.”

Mikey wished he was older, like dad. Or mature like Raph. Or confident like April. He didn’t know what to say, how to make it alright. What Leo said did sound like him. But was it him or was it delusion like Raph said?

“Tell me more about it. Our childhood.”

And Leo did just that. Tentatively at first, but he got more and more into it as time stretched on, and Mikey felt himself smile and laugh and loosen up more and more, until Leo and him were almost sitting shoulder to shoulder.

“And then bam, it whacked Donnie over the forehead and he fell into the tub! Raph laughed so hard he knocked me over right into the trashcan. At the end we had to call dad to pull me out of it. He had to bring the toolbox to break me out! It was the legendary trashscape.”

Mikey wheezed and slapped his thigh with one hand repeatedly. “No way!”

“Yes way! Angelo, I swear to Pizza Supreme, I smelled like rotten egg for a week.”

Mikey couldn’t take it anymore. He fell backward onto his shell and hysterical laughter took over his whole body. He shook so hard the roof rattled under him. 

Leo only chuckled looking down at him. His hood still covered most of his face but that soft smile could not be hidden, not even by the darkest of shadows.

Mikey thought; how could Leo not be his brother? How could Leo not love him when he is looking at Mikey like that?

The sound of wheezing died off into the night. Mikey felt strangled in the cold air. He wondered how Leo wasn’t cold without an actual coat instead of that rag of his.

“What happened to you?” He asked softly instead.

“Life.” Leo snorted. Mikey waited patiently. “I… fucked up Mikes. I fucked up.”

“But how? Why can’t we remember you?”

“So you believe me?”

Mikey bit his lower lip. Did he believe Leo? He wasn’t sure. Leo did sound like someone who knew them. Deeply. And said a few things that no one should know but his family. A picture of the painting flashed through his mind, the space, right there in the middle.

“I’m not sure,” he whispered.

Leo sighed. “I know bud. It’s okay.”

The air filled with the sound of honking cars and ambulances. Mikey’s head was filled with static.

“How did you fuck up?”

Leo opened his mouth to answer.

“MIKEY YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!” 

Well, Mikey was caught. The murder might come after it. If he was lucky.

…..

Raph couldn’t believe his eyes. His baby brother betrayed him.

Okay, maybe Raph could believe his eyes.

Mikey barely startled at the sight of him. He pulled his head halfway back into his shell, but that’s it. Donnie silently fumed next to him, which was not like him at all. He usually screams at the top of his lungs, but this whole situation was stressing him out to another level. 

The creep looked right at him; his eyes shone from under the hood. He scrambled to his feet, pulled his left hand out of his cloak and lifted it in surrender. 

“I didn’t do anything Raph, I swear. I’ll leave, I won’t come back if you don’t want me to, please.”

The way he said it, oh-so-defeated, as if he expected Raph to beat him to a pulp, which he did before, was enough to make a grown man cry, and Raph might’ve been considered an adult but he felt too young in that moment. He wished his dad was there and he was small enough again to be picked up and carried to bed.

“We’re not here to hurt you,” he hushed the turtle.

“We are here to hurt that idiot!” Donnie pointed at Mikey who now retreated into his shell completely and became a bundle of winter clothes.

“We won’t hurt anyone, we collect Mikey and leave,” Raph exclaimed patiently. “And he will be grounded until his sixtieth birthday.”

“What? No! Entirely unfair!”

Donnie immediately started waving his hands around and screaming into Mikey’s face. He was the one who realized that Mikey was missing, since he checked everyone’s locations regularly now, and when he saw where Mikey was he was about to jump out of his skin. Raph managed to calm him enough, but his frustration was understandable. He watched this scene unfold in front of him with a distant feeling, like watching a memory of someone else. 

The stranger moved, slowly out of sight. 

Raph stared at him, and he stopped. Retreating was his most likely plan, and Raph could not fault him for it. They messed up, big time.

“Okay, big guy,” he nodded at the shadow, “let’s talk.”

So, there it was. The talk.

…..

“PEST!” He bellowed through the nothingness, into the nothingness, into Leo’s ears, his heart, his soul. Leo could scratch himself out of his skin because of this sound. He might try it, too, another time, but for now, he was hiding.

“You know you can’t escape me! If not now, then in a few minutes, a few hours, a few days, I will have you! And you will regret making me wait!”

Leo had to hide. He had to live. Maybe living wasn’t worth it, definitely not in these conditions. Living wasn’t agony, he learned —but there was a picture in his pocket. Proof that not all of life was misery. If he ever faced down his brothers, in life or the afterlife, and he had to tell them that he gave up? They would never forgive. He wouldn’t forgive himself, either.

“You know this is pointless, right? Resisting me.” A shiver ran down his spine like liquid silver. “Even if you return, they won’t…”

His fingers muffled the sounds that followed.

Lies.

…….

“I was stuck in a place,” Pest Leo decided. “A place that no one could reach. I found a way out, and it was… it was hard. But I did, and came back.”

Everyone was intently watching. All of his limbs were trembling. Raph was looking at him like he was breakable, but also able to break things, metaphorically or otherwise, and that was too entirely painful for him to process. Everything was painful to him nowadays.

“This place… it had a spell on it, something we… something I didn’t know about; it wouldn’t have changed anything if I knew, but at least I would’ve known. You know?”

Mikey nodded like he understood. He really didn’t and Leo was glad he never would.

“What was it for?” Raph asked.

“It was meant to erase me.”

Raph’s chasm now reached new depths. It was already way deeper now than it was when Leo left. Donnie still looked like he didn’t believe him, and he was sure that wouldn’t change. Maybe ever. Donnie was the skeptical one; he kept everyone else in check, which Leo was usually grateful for. Against himself? Not really.

“Well, technically not erase me, but in a sense, yes. The place was originally meant to hold others. Not me, other… people. So the spell on it meant that even if they got out, their friends and family, their accomplices would not remember them, so they would not get help from those people —so if they tried anything they would be stopped easier, if that’s even possible. So what happened to me was…”

“We forgot you because of this place?”

Leo bit into the inside of his mouth until a metallic taste hit the back of his throat.

“Yes.”

The silence was deafening. It bit into his throat, tore a chunk out of his lungs and pulled hard on his heart. Leo thought he went to Hell before, but he only arrived there after he left it.

“I don’t get it. How do you know about this now, then?” asked Donnie, his painted eyebrows knitted together in suspicion.

“There was someone else with me in the Pri… in there. They told me about it.”

Raph nodded along, but his eyes stared off into the distance. “Then why did you expect us to recognize you?”

Now, yes, that was too much to Leo, entirely too much, thank you, he couldn’t take it anymore, he wished he never left the Prison Dimension, he wished Kraang Prime was still beating the shit out of him because at least that would be just another Tuesday, it would be the usual, and that would be much less painful than every word they say, and every other they fish out if Leo’s chapped lips.

“I didn’t believe him.” He bit out, almost in anger. It was borderline aggressive but he couldn’t help it. He was mad at himself for hoping. Hope is a ninja’s greatest weapon, huh? Bullshit. “I didn’t fucking believe him. I thought that my brothers would never forget me. That they would defy whatever mystical bullshit comes their way. I was naive, okay? I was a complete fucking idiot. I should’ve fucking known I should’ve known…” He folded into himself, hugging his middle with his hand. He wheezed out a terribly painful breath, his broken-and-bruised ribs screaming at him, the sounds tasting too much like pink in his mouth, slimy-slimy pink, and until Mikey’s hand stroked the top of his head through the hood he forgot that he even existed.

“I’m sorry.”

Oh no. He made Mikey cry. Of course, he messed up again, as always, he fucking did, so fucking did, he should’ve left and never bothered them again, but how could he not he loved them so-so much, and…

“We should’ve remembered you. I understand if you blame us.”

No, no, this wasn’t it at all, Mikey should not think that, of course Leo would do this, always hurting his brothers whether it is sunny or stormy, day or night, all he does is keep hurting the people he loves.

“NO!” He screamed then. He couldn’t stop the harsh sound leaving his throat. “Why would I blame you? This is all MY fault. Mine! Not yours. Even that I left, even that you forgot me, and for making myself hope for… for… being happy! I ruined everything! You should hate me!”

Mikey startled away from him, falling right into Donnie’s shoulder, who grabbed onto him with the protectiveness Leo always felt towards his little brother and envied from Don now that he couldn’t share the same privileges. He was a stranger now. A mad, rabid stranger.

“No one hates you,” whispered Raph, wide-eyed. That was what killed Leo, truly. 

“I’m done, I can’t do this anymore,” he said, tears already clogging his throat. No, they were streaming down his face. When did that happen? 

“What do you mean?” Donnie seemed angry. That was the only reasonable answer to Leo’s whole being right now. Anger.

“I can’t I can’t I can’tIcan’tIcan’ticanticant…” Leo was stumbling over his legs, trying to reach the next rooftop, but Raph grabbed onto his right shoulder. Leo’s knees buckled under him. 

“What can’t you? Don’t just leave us, you didn’t tell us everything! You can’t leave now!”

“Who are you kidding, Raph! You don’t believe me! You can’t even look me in the eyes because you are scared of me!” Leo screeched. “You can’t even call me on my name!”

That shut Raph up. Too well, if you asked Leo. 

He left before he could truly regret it.

…….

“… remember you. You will always stay a pest. They will hate you, even if they remember you, but they won’t. They already forgot you. They didn’t just move on. They have no idea you ever existed.”

……

Donnie was smashing things up.

Redecorating, if you will. In plain terms, though? Smashing things up.

Just old inventions, of course. Nothing of value. He was just getting rid of stop. This was in no way an emotional response to anything at all.

“Purple.”

He dropped his hand. He thought he locked the door.

“Just getting rid of a few things, Daddio. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“I’ve seen you ‘get rid of a few things before’ Donatello. That’s not it.”

Well, Dad was wrong. This was just okay. Peachy.

“Come with me, Purple. You bruised that hand.”

And would you look at that, his left hand was already changing color! He wondered absentmindedly if that guy had bruised the same way when Donnie launched his missiles at him. 

Not that he cared! The guy could die and Donnie wouldn’t even blink… maybe.

Dad took him to the infirmary. He held his hand gently and put ointment on it. He didn’t wrap it up in anything but he blew on it to cool it down. It was so gentle that Donnie wanted to cry.

“What is it that’s bothering you, Purple?” Dad asked. “I know all of you have been having some… conflict. I do not know what it is about, and I won’t force you to talk; just know that I am here when you’re ready.”

Donnie wasn’t ready. There was nothing to say anyway. There wasn’t anything disturbing him.

“Just… be kinder to yourself, my son. Everything will resolve itself soon, you’ll see.”

Donnie was sure he won’t.

Three days later Raph pulled him and Mikey aside in the training room.

“Look, maybe Raph’s insane, but I think that guy is really our brother.”

Donnie squinted his eyes at him in disbelief. Raph and him were on the same side until now. Don’t trust the weird stranger. He felt betrayed that Raph faltered in that belief. He tried not to remember the stranger screaming how they should hate him for causing all this trouble.

“Don’t you start too, Raph,” he sighed frustrated.

“I’m not! Look,” and he pulled out a blade from behind his back.

Donnie has seen this blade before. It had blue accents, and it hang on the wall in a far corner of the lair. Some decoration, he supposed. He couldn’t for the life of him remember where they got it, but Dad had a bunch of mystic stuff, so he could hypothesize that this was on hand with that.

“I fail to see how this proves his relation to us, Raphael.”

Raph scowled at him. He glanced at Mikey who also shook his head.

“That guy has a sword. And Raph would put all his Jupiter Jim comics on it that it looks the exact same as this. They’re a perfect match. Twin blades.” Donnie wasn’t sure if Raph needed his eyes checked again, but he couldn’t tease him about it after him being right the last time he said that —and Donnie didn’t see the sword. “I knew his weapon seemed familiar to me, even if he did not. It’s because Raph had walked passed it every time he went training! Which is a lot!”

Donnie couldn’t tell if Raph seemed excited or broken for a second; he settled on both. Because if Raph is right, that would mean they messed up. Fucked up. Biiiiig time.

Mikey squealed next to him like a happy little mouse. “We have to tell Leo! He will be so excited!”

Donnie wanted to object —he couldn’t find an actual reason, though.

He pinched his nose-bridged and sighed heavy, and felt the weight of the world settle on his shoulders. His back itched.

“Okay, okay. We can go and talk to the guy, but!” He lifted his pointer finger straight at Mikey’s adorable face. “First, we will ask him to show us his weapon. And after we confirm that it is the exact copy of this, we may proceed.”

He thought this would discourage everyone, but it was the exact opposite.

Being wrapped up into a hug with his brothers, he wondered where a fourth brother might fit into this equation. If he squinted hard enough, he could see a space where there wasn’t any before —or maybe it was always there, but he was too blind to see it.

They hadn’t found their alleged brother again, though. Not after the talk, not four days later, not a week later. Donnie started to think that maybe he left last time because he didn’t mean to come back ever again. That maybe, whether he was their brother or not, the three of them fucked up so bad that he didn’t want to see them ever again. A pit opened in his stomach at the thought. Now that Raph put the idea in his head, a thought wormed itself free from the back pocket of his heart; maybe he would love to have a twin brother. Occasionally.

It was a week and two days later when they were patrolling that shit hit the fans. It was a pile of shit shoveled from an entire pig factory, Donnie imagined because it was absolutely vile.

It started out okay at first. Just the regular deal, no biggie. Yes, they were looking out for their new friend, hoping he would show up if they stared into enough shadows intently enough, but nothing else truly happened.

Then he arrived.

They knew this yokai from before. He was a champion of Big Mama’s, until a newcomer won against him, and he decided to go cuckoo bananas. They stopped him that time, and it was truly easy since he was already beaten and tired. It was a miracle they were even in the hidden city that night, and then the police took care of the rest —but everyone knows how great the Hidden City police is. The former champion was out in a week. Donnie even forgot his name.

Donnie’s back collided with a wall and a pained gasp left his mouth. The ex-champion was roaring in the background while Raph was shouting and there was Mikey’s voice mixed in there somewhere, but really, the world was a spinning vortex at the moment; Donnie didn’t try to depict the sounds more than he could at the moment.

The ex-champion turned huge at the start of the fight. He screamed about how they “ruined his life”, which, if he was a Battle Nexus champion, was probably on him from the get-go, then drank from a flask and suddenly he was as big as half of New York. Major Bad News for Donnie who was flying at the same height as his fist was after the transformation.

At this point the guy wrecked at least six buildings around them, which was definitely covered by insurance and completely empty, so that’s Major Good News, at the very least —being punched into one of those buildings on the other hand rarely was. They hadn’t had such a hard fight in ages and Donnie (rightfully) felt that they were utterly unprepared.

“I love this, he said with sarcasm.”

He tore his arm out of the building, and pushed himself away from the wall, ready to have at it again. The view was swimming in front of him, and he absently wished it wasn’t because of a concussion, when he managed to free his legs from the wall and the whole world tilted.

Oh, great, he thought, plummeting to my death as usual.

He was too dizzy to care, anyway. But he didn’t fall as long as he ought to have and collided with a body straight on, a hand right under his head, trying to stop him from hitting it against the ground again. He thought he would see Mikey, maybe Raph, although he was sure that Raph was screaming from behind him, but when he looked up he only show a shadow –behind his head there was a blue portal, like a halo, accenting his silhouette like an angel’s. Donnie’s head might’ve been swimming but he immediately felt safe –safer than he did in a long time. He knew that his savior could be trusted, it was an instinct, more than knowledge.

When the portal closed he realized who was holding him; Le... The guy. His eyes were a bit misty, and Donnie wondered why.

“I got you, Dontron,” he said, “don’t scare me like that again.”

And maybe it was how he said it, or the name itself, but Donnie’s eyes filled with tears. It might’ve been the concussion.

The guy didn’t say anything but put him down to the ground tenderly arranging him into a sitting position. “Don’t move, stay here. I’ll help the others.”

And then he was off and Donnie didn’t have the power to stop him: even when he really wanted to.

......

Mikey’s heart almost stopped when he saw Donnie fall; he was too far away and knew that he could do nothing to stop it, even if he tried to ctch him. And he really did try! Which made him feel even worse. The fact that Leo was there to catch Donnie almost made up for the heart attck that he was likely experiencing.

“Leo!” he exclaimed with joy as his forgotten brother joined the fight. Leo sent him a half-smile from under the hood, and Mikey took it as a token of brothership. He imagined all day every day how much fun they will have when they get Leo back. He couldn’t wait until they figure out how to get their memories back, too! Because Mikey was Mikey, and he believed that there is no such thing as impossible –and anyway, he would not give up on Leo. He would not give up on his brother even if others were telling him to. He would never.

Leo’s arrival changed the game! He was jumping through portals, swishing that awesome weapon around! Mikey could not believe how fast he was. He truly held himself back the first time he was fighting with Raph and Donnie, because if he used his full power against them, well. Mikey felt it would be unfair to say that they would’ve lost that battle, but Leo would be a terrifying enemy. The way he was strategically using his portals against the enemy was a sight to see.

The other thing was, he used his portals on Mikey and Raph. And in some instinctual way, Mikey and Raph used it –effectively. Which made no sense, yes, but Mikey just knew which portal led to where, which portals to use with his chains, when and where to jump: and they must be brothers, if not for anything else, because now that they fought together, Mikey felt that Leo-shaped hole in their battles before this one. How he jumped to places without no reason to, sent his chains in directions where there was nothing, how they were sloppy and uncontrolled for a while now, like they just started the vigilante business all over again.

It was all Leo, wasn’t it?

“Mikey!” he turned to look at Leo. He was behind him, running right at him wide-eyed, jaw slack in scream or terror. Mikey knew that there was something behind him without looking, but everything happened so fast. Leo slashed with his sword, the ground disappeared from under him, and then he was falling.

........

He had to watch two of his brothers get almost killed. Now, he might’ve watched the third actually dying.

Raph was the eldest. He was supposed to take care of everyone. He failed so many times, he knew this. Anata wa hitori janai, they always said, so he knew that he should let them take care of him too, that this wasn’t a one-way exchange, that he shouldn’t have more responsibility over them than they had over his, but his heart sang a different song. Oldest, oldest, oldest. It was who he was.

Donnie almost fell to his, well, unlikely death, because Raph knew that Donnie is though. He survived worse falls than that; but injuries from it could take so long to heal, even from them. Then this big monster decided that he would stab Mikey with a piece of metal he grabbed from the ground. And hey, guess what? Mikey was not paying attention! What a joy! He ought to have a talk about safety issues with that little guy. Big guy.

So, the alleged brother, who saved Donnie and did everything in his power to win this fight for them, opened the ground under his little brother, which made Mikey immediately disappear from the way, but which ultimately left him stand almost in the same place as Mikey did just a second ago.

Raph watched his forgotten brother get skewered onto a piece of metal junk from the other side of the street, and was powerless to stop it.

“NO!” He screamed and grew to the biggest size he could and wretched the ex-champion away from his... brother. He grabbed the guy’s arm, threw him into a building, and watched the whole thing come down on him.

It might’ve killed him but Raph didn’t really care. He let go of his ninpo and ran over to check the guy for injuries. “Oh my god oh my god oh my god,” he breathed out when he realized that he already pulled the metal rod out of his midsection. “okay, no, Raph’s will take care of this, don’t freak out, no freaking out, Raph’s got this, wait, no, you’re bleeding out, what do we do with bleeding out, organs, you have organs? Saint Pizza Supreme you have organs...”

“Raph, relax,” the guy said, calm, collected, and all too casual. “I’m okay. This is not the worst injury I ever got, ‘kay?” He pulled some rag out from under his coat and started wrapping up his stomach in a very impressive way, with portals and whatnot, Raph wasn’t sure, and he was done before Raph could even blink. “I’m the medic, yeah? Got experience enough. Lol.” Which did not calm Raph’s nerves! How can someone even say ‘lol’ out loud like that?! And what kind of shitty medic thinks that wrapping that up with a dirty rag solved the problem?!

“You’re still bleeding out?!” which was a question as much as it was an exclamation.

“Yeah, I guess. It’ll stop probably.”

“Probably??”

“I got this.”

“No you don’t!”

“Well, lucky me, you don’t have time to argue with me about this,” and Raph’s whole view tilted as he fell through a portal.

He was on a rooftop next, and his injured brother was on another. The champion stood up, not very dead, and started punching the point where they just stood on the ground.

“What happened?” Mikey landed next to him with a thud, clearly out of breath. “Leo sent me five blocks away from here!”

Raph’s mouth twisted, his stomach dropped. His little-est brother, sent so far away to safety, as soon as his forgotten brother sensed that his life was on the line. Maybe it wasn’t even intentional.

“Raph’ll tell you later, big guy. We have to finish this fast.” He thought how much blood the guy must’ve lost already and how miserable Raph will be when this was all over.

.......

Donnie knew they took the guy down for good when Mikey’s face appeared in his line of sight. “Can you stand?”

Donnie nodded, because he heard the urgency in Mikey’s voice; he wouldn’t be the reason they weren’t getting out as fast as they can.

He stood up with Mikey’s help, and before he knew it, he was in the tank. “I’ll drive,” Mikey said and darted for the seat.

Now, that was weird. Mikey never drives the car. It’s always Donnie or Raph. Mostly Donnie since Donnie is always so worked up about safety issues and the tank’s condition, but Mikey simply hates driving. He has a hard time concentrating, he feels too jumpy, he has this paranoia about hitting someone with it, all that jazz. Messes up his razzmatazz or whatever. He liked the idea of driving when they were younger but less and less until he decided he absolutely would not. Do that. Only in emergencies.

Did they have an emergency? Is Raph injured? Dead?

But no, Raph was standing right in front of him. There, on the ground, there was a lump. Oh. Not a lump.

“What?” was all he could ask, not ‘what happened’, not ‘is he okay’, not ‘what is all that blood’. It was, “What?”

“I’m okay Don!” said the guy in with a thumbs-up. “Peachy. Seriously Raph, I don’t have to be laying down. It doesn’t even hurt.”

“You are actively bleeding out!” Raph screamed. Screeched. Roared.

“And I'm telling you, I can bleed out standing or sitting.” He rolled his eyes, but stayed down. “As soon as we get home, I’ll just help myself and Donnie in the infirmary. No biggie.”

“We will help Don. Not you.”

The guy flinched.

He hadn’t even blinked when Raph was screaming into his face; he flinched now?

“Do you...” he whispered, “do you not trust me with his injuries? I would never hurt him, I promise, Raph.”

His voice broke at the end. Donnie could see his lips quiver at the thought of Raph not trusting him with Donnie’s well-being. Wow. There were so many things to unpack. Donnie hated unpacking. Being punched into a wall out of ten.

Raph agreed. “What? No, no buddy, that’s not what Raph meant, hey.” He kneeled down next to him slowly and gently. “You’re injured. Raph just won’t let you walk around with that injury, okay? We will take care of you and Donnie. You can’t take care no one with that, alright?”

“I... I know you don’t trust me, Raph.”

“Someone who put himself on the line for Mikey is more than trustworthy.”

“He did what?!” Mikey screamed from the front seat, but no one paid attention to him –although Donnie was asking the same thing. So, this guy saved both him and Mikey? Two brothers in a day? Is that a new record?

“No, I get it, Raph, I’m just a stranger to you now, and I...”

......

“Leo.”

Leo’s heart stopped beating. Working. It was more than done now. Raph was looking at him like he did before, with such a tenderness it was burning through his heart like molten lava, it hurt worse than the injury, it was all too much –his name. His name from Raph’s mouth.

It was also the most amazing thing that happened to him in his whole entire life.

“Raph might be... confused. Raph isn’t the smartest one, so that’s nothing new, but... You saved Mikey today. Saved Donnie, too. And I... Raph has these feelings. Raph doesn’t understand it, but he wants to protect you and take care of you, so that’s what he will do. Raph fought these feelings before, and he was wrong about it, so Raph will just lean into them. Okay? Even if it doesn’t make sense.”

Was Pest Leo dead? Because he must’ve been. Or dreaming. Whatever it was, he hoped it would never end.

He started crying like a kid. Sobbing like he was a child again, when he climbed into Raph’s arms in the middle of the night because it turned out that he wasn’t old enough to sleep without him, after all.

Raph gently gathered him up into his arms and, oh, actually, it could get better, it was so much better now, he could’ve died right there and he wouldn’t have minded.

“Raphie...” he grabbed onto whatever piece of fabric was over Raph’s plastron. “Raphie, I missed you, I love you so much...”, he let it out in under one breath, lacing it with all of the pain and suffering, every hit and punch and broken bone and bleeding injury he has received, everything he wished had never happened, where he wanted nothing more than be where he was right at the moment, in Raph’s protective arms and loving heart. In the place where he was safest. Where, for all he knew, safety was probably invented.

......

Splinter stood in the garage. His legs were tapping the cold floor in an uneven rhythm. Purple sent an ‘urgent care needed’ signal, and his heart has been racing ever since. Purple never abused that button for any other reason than bad injuries that they could not deal with alone. If the injury was minor he still liked to know about it, but they would just drop by his room or the kitchen or the tv room and tell him before slapping a bandage on top of it and calling it a day. Splinter trusted his sons to take care of their injuries as they were taught, although Splinter couldn’t remember who taught them. He didn’t think it was him, although it must’ve, since there was no one else with the slightest medical training in their family. It could’ve been Purple but Purple hated blood and anything slimy on his hands and got sick from the sight of even pictures of the worst injuries. Splinter’s memories must’ve gone all over the place, then. He was getting old, he supposed.

But not old enough to not help his sons, who were probably badly injured and scared. He would have to stay calm when he catches sight of whatever they bring him –he was sure he would.

He was so completely, utterly wrong.

The first to come out of the tank was Orange, supporting an unbalanced Purple. He rushed to them, asking orange what happened to Purple, what is it that he will have to mend. Orange shook his head and said; “It’s not Donnie,” in such a grave voice that Splinter’s heart almost gave in this time. Where was Red? What happened to him? Where was he?

The tank groaned, and there he was. Splinter shouldn’t have worried. Red seemed to be on his feet and in one piece. He sighed his worries away. All his sons, in one piece.

But then the bundle of dirty rags moved in Red’s arms. Alarms went off in Splinter’s head as he realized with dread that the bundle was not rags, but a person, his blood dripping to the grey floor of the lair.

“Please, help him, dad,” Red’s voice was filled with fear as he begged their father like there was a possibility that he would leave this stranger to die. This small bundle of stranger, maybe a child.

“Of course, Red, bring him to the infirmary. I already got ready for the worst.”

“Dad?” whined the small bundle in Raph’s arm. Raph tried to hush him, but he picked his head up, and looked straight into Splinter’s soul. “Dad?”

Splinter’s breath got stuck in his throat. A turtle. A very young, very scared, scar-littered turtle with red markings on his face. If he didn’t know any better...

“Dad!” The turtle's eyes widened and he threw himself out of Red’s arm; he tried to grab after him, but the turtle avoided him and fell onto his knees in front of Splinter. “Daddy!” He started crying, like the child he was, and reached for Splinter, asking for comfort as any of his children would –but this one, he stilled his hand just a moment before he could’ve grabbed Splinter’s hand and that seemed to pain him. “I... Do you remember me?” It was more begging than a question, a child asking ‘please don’t leave me’. Splinter didn’t remember him, and the child knew. “I’m Leo! Leonardo Hamato. You named me... a-after the famous painter? You... Y-you... I’m your son! I... you l-love...” His face crumbled, unable to look at Splinter again. “Please... please...”

And maybe Splinter had no idea what was happening, but for the first time in two years something settled in his chest, and that awful, all-consuming sadness and grief and self-hate had disappeared, so he didn’t care how little sense this made; this was his son. Now, at this moment, he was his son.

“Oh, my son,” he whispered and gently took the child’s hand. “Everything will be alright now. Whatever happened to you, we will solve this.”

“A-anata wa... hitori janai,” Leo whispered.

“Exactly.”

.......

Two days later Leo was lying in the infirmary bed. Mikey was asleep with his head on the bed right next to Leo’s hand. He stroked his head; he was giddy with happiness.

They managed to sew him up when Raph brought him in, and dad refused to let him do it –even though Leo sewed up more than his fair share of injuries. More of his own than others. Much more.

Then dad examined Donnie, who looked much better after being safe at home and they all collectively decided that he must’ve a concussion, but a minor one. He might’ve cracked a rib or two, because they felt sore, but until he didn’t lift heavy things and tried to rest as much as he could, he would heal in a week or so. After hearing that Leo unceremoniously passed out.

And now, it was the morning of his second day home. He slept through a whole day, which was not at all surprising, and he felt awful –but better. Being someone’s stab-toy was truly nothing new to him, so he wasn’t feeling awful about that, but... The whole ordeal tired him out. He was sure he cried more than he had in a long time. Even Kraan Prime could not make him cry as much as he did in Raph’s and dad’s arms. It was truly an otherwordly experience, and apparently, it was fucking real.

Maybe they’ll never remember Leo, but this –Mikey, asleep next to him, right under his palm, his small breath warming the side of his leg, save and cozy and safe- was enough for Leo. If he could only get this, he would be content. All he ever wanted was his brother’s alive, safe and happy.

“You’re awake.”

Raph stood in the doorway, a tray in his hands.

“I suppose so.”

“I couldn’t move Mikey from your bed. None of us could leave, really, but I finally forced Donnie and dad to eat at least, I was about to wake up Mikey, too.”

Leo sighed. “Let him sleep a bit longer. He needs it.”

Raph smiled and nodded. He put the tray down on the other bed then sit down next to Mikey on a different chair. “How you feeling?”

“I’m good. When I said I was fine, I meant it.”

“Then passed out.”

“After I was sure that Donnie was okay.”

And Raph must’ve thought of that, too, because his eyes darkened at the thought. “That’s still not good, Leo.”

“Honestly, I passed out more from the crying than from the injury.”

“Not making your case.”

Leo had to make a face at that. This felt familiar. The bantering. The overprotective Big brother. If he tried really hard, he could forget they didn’t even know who he was.

“Leo,” said Raph, in that tentative way that made him snap his eyes at his big brother.

“Yeah?”

“When did you lose that arm?”

That took Leo by surprise. He looked down at his right shoulder. There wasn’t even a stump thre, just his shoulder and a big ol’ scar. Very ugly, not cool at all. He made a surprised face. “Whaaaa where did that go? I had it just yesterday!”

Raph was not laughing.

The silence became awkward real quick. Wow. Great job, Leo. Not the face man, not the jokster. Who was he, anyway? The burden?

“Okay, well, it has been a while ago. I hadn’t had it this whole time, did you not realize it?”

Raph scrunched his face in shame. “Well, that rag of yours kept hiding this fact, okay? Raph couldn’t see under it.”

“And the fact that I have been using my left arm only was just a fun fact about me?”

“You could be left-handed.”

Leo hummed. He supposed he could’ve been.

“How did it happen?”

Tearing flesh. A scream. Laughter. Nope. Hell naaah. He was not telling that story. Not to his soft-hearted big brother, nope.

“It wasn’t a big deal. Just an accident.”

He wished he could say that Raph believed him. At one point in his life, Leo was able to call himself a ‘master of deceit’ -that was a long time ago, and for however long he was stuck in his personal hell, there wasn’t any reason to pretend, and now he lost the ability to hide the truth on his face. It’ll take a long time until he could lie to Raph again succesfully. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to; although he couldn’t say the truth, either. That would mean it truly happened.

.......

There was a lot of things wrong about Leo, and Mikey couldn’t even start counting. First and foremost, the amount of scars he had; they basically littered his whole body like birthmarks or freckles. The cracks in his shell and his plastron, all healed over but still visibly; and of course, the missing arm. That freaked Mikey out the most, because Leo clearly didn’t want to tell them how that happened, which meant that whatever it was, it was overly, deeply, fucked up.

Leo also lied to them about the injuries. He either tried not to say anything or just say ‘freaky toaster accident’ which really could not be the reason for all of those scars. Apparently the whole family was a terrible at lying because while Leo constantly lied through his teeth it was so obvious that Mikey wanted to cry.

He also flinched if someone touched him. Avoided eye contact. Smiled only when it seemed required him to do so. He was jumpy to a whole new level and seemed to look for danger in every corner of the lair.

The biggest problem was, no one remembered Leo. The memories didn’t come back magically now that they were all together as Mikey had hoped so. They also didn’t start to resurface slowly as they might’ve. The only thing that changed is they pulled Leo’s cart back to its’ place because it seemed to be misplaced to a different part of the sewers. Donnie remembered something about them needing more space but he couldn’t tell exactly why or how, so they all decided that it must’ve been the magic forcing them to... get rid of Leo. Everything was intact, at least.

So now, they were sitting on the ground of the training room. Leo really shouldn’t have been up yet, but he insited that they try this as soon as possible. It was dad’s idea, actually. He thought that mind-melting could awoke the memories in them. Donnie was skeptical but a connection to each other might’ve been the thing that was missing.

It was easy to connect. Over the last few days, they spent an insane amount if time even if a distance was between them. It was also instinctual, like the fighting. Mikey felt Leo without really trying to.

They were in a big, white place. It wasn’t either of their minds, instead a place in-between.

Mikey heard noises from… Leo. It was like he was a an almost completely silenced tv, but some stuff came through. Screaming. Crying. Shouting. There was a tearing sound and even more screaming. As soon as Leo caught the sound himself, they died away like they were never there. Mikey glanced at Raph who just shook his head. We’ll ask him later. Mikey didn’t want to ask him later. Mikey wanted answers to so many things, and right now, if they pleased. All his emotionally repressed brothers. He was the one to talk —he had felt a crippling amount of guilt for how Leo last hot injured. Every time he helped walking him to the bathroom he wished he could’ve just been stabbed himself. Dr. Feelings really wasn’t happy with him.

Before they could even so much as say the word, though (and really, Mikey was about to),, Mikey caught a glance at a glowing green figure.

“Gram-gram!” And there she was. Smiling down at all of them. Or up at them, in Raph’s case.

“I came because you boys are in real trouble, huh?” She walked up to Leo, who looked so fragile, and wrapped him up in her arms. He went tentatively, terror dawning on his face.

“Gram-gram, you don’t…”

“I do. The dead never forgets.”

Mikey could tell that it took all of Leo’s willpower to not fall apart. Glowing green figures appeared behind Gram-gram, so many that Mikey couldn’t even tell where a person started and where they ended. It was all of them. He felt something warm and bright bloom in his chest; love and hope.

“Your ancestors remember you, Leonardo. We saw your sacrifice, and saw the consequences of said sacrifice. I wish you wouldn’t have had to go through the same thing as I did,” she whispered, and Mikey’s heart jumped into his throat. What? “No, yours was worse than that. And now, when you are free, you keep suffering.”

“YOU WRETCHED LITTLE PEST!”

Everyone startled at the sound and Raph pulled Donnie behind himself, trying to find the source of the sound. They all remembered this voice well. Kraang Prime.

It took all of them a second to realize that the sound came from Leo’s side of the connection. It must’ve been a memory.

Leo gulped around his tears. Mikey wanted to hug him so bad. He didn’t even know his brother, but the fact that he suffered a worse fate than Gram-gram? Mikey wasn’t sure he had the strength to accept it. “It’s okay, Gram-gram. It was worth it.”

Gram-gram didn’t seem convinced. Neither was anyone else.

“What was worth it?” Mikey asked, but Leo only hid his face in Gram-gram’s chest. “No, Leo. Tell us.”

Mikey didn’t know what Leo would say to that. He expected a lot of things, a lot of lies, even nothing at all. What he didn’t expect, was: “I love you, Mikey.”

And if that meant what Mikey thought it meant? Mikey thought he could fall to pieces on the spot.

It seemed Gram-gram knew they shouldn’t have that conversation yet, because she continued. “All of your ancestors decided that you shall ever seek our help, we will share our power with you and free you from the curse you were burdened with.” Gram-gram turned to the rest of them. “After you wake up, you shall have your brother back.”

“But…!” Leo gasped. “Wait, no, it can’t be that easy. What is the price?”

The pain on Gram-gram’s face was reflected in Mikey’s and all of the rest of them. Did Leo think every good thing must come with a price?

“There is no price, my grandchild. You’ll be free.”

“No! I don’t want anything to happen to anyone! I will be fine, I don’t care, just please tell me no one will get hurt!”

Raph stepped forward towards Leo. He seemed so small to Mikey.

“Leo. Believe in our ancestors. If they say they can help us, then they will. Anata wa hitori janai.”

“Anata wa hitori janai,” the ghosts repeated.

Gram-gram started glowing, as did all the other Hamatos, and the light grew and grew until it turned brighter than the stars, brighter than the sun, brighter than the love they had for each other, then Mikey went blind and it all faded into nothingness.

…..

When Donnie woke up, everyone was still asleep. He felt deeply disoriented, and the headache! On Darwin’s name, what was that?

“Hey Don-Tron.”

There he was. Smiling at him already heartbroken. Expecting nothing.

“Leo.”

Leo’s eyes watered. He let out a dry chuckle that sounded painful, and said; “That’s the first time you said my name since I came home.”

And before he knew it, Donnie was a sobbing mess on Leo’s chest who silently cradled him in his arm.

…..

It has been four days and Leo was unwell.

Technically speaking, he couldn’t remember the last time he was well. Or how that felt like. His mind certainly broke in the Prison Dimension. His body did, too, many times. This was different. As he lied on the couch, he recalled the moment everyone woke up and saw him for the first time in… two years.

Donnie was already crying his eyes out, strangling him to death, and while Donnie didn’t say that he remembered Leo, it was pretty evident. The rest of them woke up at the same time so Leo experienced the heaviest hug in the history of reality. No one said a thing, but they whispered over and over again Leo, Leo, I love you, I missed you, We’re so sorry. It healed something in Leo. Also broke something in him.

He thought that after that he would be fine. He was, too, at first. Then the dread kept crawling up his skin. Every minute, he expected that blank look of forgetting. He was sure it was only temporary.

Let’s also not forget that they would have THE TALK soon enough. They let him be, for most parts. They tried to give him space to calm down from the whole ordeal. Didn’t ask him or say anything about the Prison Dimension. All of them kept telling him stories from their childhoods, and he knew they did that to prove him they do remember, to reassure him, and it did work, it truly did, but not all the time. It was shitty to expect them to fail at any moment. Such a Leo thing to do, honestly. He always had so much faith in his brothers but he became twisted beyond recognition.

So, four days later, yes, came THE TALK.

He knew it was coming because they somehow all settled into the living room at the same time. Raph said they’ll watch a Jupiter Jim movie but there was no popcorn and the dvd’s were not out yet. Mikey was playing with his fingers. Dad prepared tea and put it onto the little table, which he wouldn’t do while watching a movie, that blend is for smoothing nerves. Donnie was chatting him up from the side, telling him details about his latest invention. That wouldn’t be unusual but he went into a looot of detail and kept glancing at Mikey, which meant he tried to fill the silence and occupy Leo enough that he doesn’t start asking Donnie questions, because if he do Donnie won’t be able to lie.

Regretfully, there was no way out of this. He thought of several offensive and defensive methods he could use to get out of this, but none of them was truly worth it. At the end he would just be scolded for running while not fully healed.

“Okay, ask away,” he said when he decided on surrender. Everyone snapped their attention to him.

“What do you mean, dearest brother, he said with innocence.”

“Don’t bullshit me. This is an intervention. I want to be done as fast as we can so we could actually watch a movie and not just pretend to do so.”

Raph sighed. It was deep, and long, and very much tired. Leo hated how it made his big brother seem ten years older. “You were stuck in the Prison Dimension.”

Leo swallowed around the lump of feelings in his throat. “Yes.”

“Why would you even do what you did?” Donnie screamed. “Sacrificing yourself? You could’ve died! We could’ve never seen you again and we wouldn’t have even known what we were missing!” Leo flinched like he had been slapped.

“Donnie, we talked about this,” Mikey sent their brother a stern glance. Great. That meant this was even more of a planned assault than Leo had imagined it to be. “Leo, we just… want to understand what happened to you. No more than what you’re willing to share for now. And we’re certainly not blaming you.”

Everyone was looking at him. It made his skin itchy. “I was stuck there this whole time.” He started. “I did it because I love you guys. You live in the world, the world was in danger, so I saved it the only way I could.”

“Then you payed the price.” Raph was looking at his missing arm. Leo gestures at it.

“Not the worst thing I had to sacrifice, mind you.”

“What could even be worse than that, Nardo?”

He didn’t take Donnie’s anger personally. Don was worried for him. “My family.”

That silenced them faster than anything could. Leo bit his lips. “Even before I realized you truly forgot me. I already lost you while I was in there; I thought I would never see you again and suffer in there for eternity. It was still worth it because you were at least alive somewhere.”

The silence now was so pregnant that it was due for today.

Mikey was the first one to talk again: “But how did you even survive it? With… him in there.”

“Well…” Leo chuckled. “You can’t die in the Prison Dimension.” The air was sucked out of the room, as if Leo had killed everyone by saying those simple words. Ooooookkaaaaay. That was not a piece of universal knowledge -and Leo bit it out like it was. As horror dawned upon the faces of his family, he lifted his hand up to calm them; knowing damn well that he had no idea how that could happen. “Hey, hey! It’s a good thing! I’m here now, aren’t I? You got back 80% of a brother! Pretty good deal, don’t you think?”

No one thought so. Mikey was already crying. Dad was, too. Donnie was staring at his hands with this blank look -it made him quite dead-looking. Leo had to turn his gaze away, but then it landed on Raph. His big brother was similarly fighting his tears the same way he would fight a criminal, but his eyes looked haunted. Leo felt as if Raph could see all the times he had been hurt in there, all the times he was dead-but-not-dead, all the moments he were metaphorically and/or literally torn apart, and that made Leo wish that he never opened his mouth at all in the first place.

“How many times?” Raph asked.

“How many times what?”

“How many times did he kill you these last two years?”

Leo didn’t know if he should actually start and try to count it. He didn’t think he could, anyway.

His silence, and the meaning of that silence was too much for Mikey. He stood up and ran out to the kitchen.

Well, now who felt like a piece of shit?

Leo knew that Mikey wouldn’t actually want him to be the one to go after him, not after a bomb like that, but Leo stood up anyway (grunting a bit from pain), and caught up to Mikey who was already slamming dishes on the counter, clearly about to start stress-cooking. He didn’t even have to use water if he kept crying that hard. “Hey, hermano?”

Mikey turned towards Leo, eyes furious and bloodshot already. Leo stumbled back a step, but stood his ground; if his brother was about to slap him, he could take it. In his mind, a caress and a slap wasn’t that far away from each other; both of them were touch.

But Mikey didn’t slap him. He crashed into his chest, sobbing.

“I’m sorry, Mikester,” Leo said, “I don’t remember how to do this. How to be your cool brother anymore. Or how to sooth you when you’re crying -but I love you, alright?”

That made Mikey cry harder. Great. Leo the Destroyer, everyone!

……

Leo was taking this so lightly -Donnie was dead.

Figuratively speaking? Maybe, yes. It still didn’t make everything any less real.

Donnie wanted to stay in his delusions that his twin did not, in fact, got trapped in literal Hell for who knows how fucking long, definitely not Albert fucking Einstein, because some of Leo’s injuries looked definitely older than they should’ve, but not even Leo seemed to know anything about that, not like Donnie asked, but he didn’t offer up the information, either, which could be just holding back the truth, and really, Donnie ought to know his own brother and his slight-of-hand tactics, and…

Donnie ought to know his own brother.

He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. No. No, no, no, no. He refused. Refused to imagine Leo being killed  by that degenerate monster for at least two years why they had this perfect and safe and fun life out here without him, without  remembering him.

Donnie did not hate himself. Nope. Not at all, he thought sarcastically.

The fact that he didn’t even give him a chance when he came back, freshly beaten out of the Prison Dimension, and just... wait.

“We beat you up,” he blurted out when everyone settled back into their seats. He supposed that he must’ve sat there, staring into nothingness and for several minutes. Leo was sitting next to him, his eyes full of worry. For Donnie. No. Nope, nope. No. “You came home from literal Hell, where you’ve been, apparently, killed several times, and the first thing we did with Raph is beat the shit out of you.”

Raph’s breath hitched. No, Donnie was not naïve enough to think that his big brother forgot that; in fact, he was sure that Raph has been beating himself up over this for days. Still, he flinched as if this was the first time he heard it.

“It’s fine.”

“Fine?!”

“I got over it. I mean, I did seem like a creep. I had… No idea how to approach you.” Leo pulled his legs up to his chest, hugging them with his arm. It meant something that he looked absolutely wrecked by the memory of his brother’s rejecting him at first sight, but he had enough willpower to appear casual while he was talking about dying. Donnie was obviously not thinking about that. “I hadn’t talked to anyone in so long,” his voice cracked, “I still feel like I’m jabbering half the time. I… I didn’t even know if M… Prime lied or not. I was… afraid. So, I messed up.”

“It wasn’t you who messed up,” Raph’s voice was smooth like butter, “it was us.”

“But Leo,” Donnie lifted his shaking hand then thought better of it. Stupid. “Why did you not defend yourself? Or hide?”

“I did.”

“You hadn’t even tried to attack me once.”

“You’re my brother. You might not have remembered it, but I did.”

Yeah, no. Donnie was about to check out of this conversation. Mikey made him promise that he won’t scream and throw things and enact revenge on anyone but he was sure as hell about to do one or two or three of those things at the same time.

“Purple,” Dad was offering a cup. Donnie took it.

“I hate this,” he whispered. He didn’t mean the tea.

……

“How did you lose the arm?”

Donnie asked after everyone drank their tea. Raph tried to stare into his soul and send mind-Raph to tell him ‘stuff it’. Leo clearly didn’t want to talk about it.

“I mean, it’s illogical. If you couldn’t die in there, that meant you magically healed your wounds which…” and he gestured at the missing arm.

Leo shook his head. “Truly, Don. You don’t wanna know.”

“I do!”

“No. Because then you would have a clear picture in your head on how I lost the arm. Mikey also has great imagination, as does Raph. I don’t want you to see that.”

Raph was already seeing it. Raph sat there, for however long this took so far, and he just saw and saw things he knew he shouldn’t imagine -but he couldn’t help it. Leo just told them he was killed. Raph saw his scars; he imagined which one was from impaling Leo; throwing him around; which one was from tearing him apart or hitting him hard enough that he broke his shell and bled out. It was too much, and Raph knew he would not stop dreaming about all the torture Leo must’ve suffered -not like the last few days were any better on that department. He was already having nightmares of Leo’s scars, from attacking Leo when he was a kraangified zombie, from beating Leo up when he only just got him back; sometimes he dreamed of forgetting Leo again. He couldn’t even imagine how terrible that must’ve been. He hated himself for not being strong enough to fight for his brother. For leaving him in there for two years -but for forgetting him, too? No, Raph’ll never forgive himself.

“You’re thoughts are loud, big guy.” When Raph whipped his head up in surprise, Leo chuckled. “’s not your fault, yeah? There was nothing you could’ve done. And stop imagining it. I swear to Pizza Supreme, you guys are terrible at following orders.”

Raph didn’t know what to say to that. No one could, clearly, because everyone was silent. He glanced at dad; yeah, dad was taking this as terribly as the rest of them. He was silent this whole time, and Raph could tell that he won’t be able to talk anytime soon. As much as Raph loved dad, and as much as he improved since… well, since they lost Leo (because now that he thought about it, it must’ve been Leo all along. Their dad, who had been slaving away in front of the tv, weaking up early to make them breakfast now, who went and trained them when they asked for it, spent at least an hour with each of them every day, must’ve done that because he lost a child. He must’ve not understood the reason why he needed to be more present in their life, but it was because he lost the chance with his second oldest.), he still had a lot of things he couldn’t do. Emotional talk was kind of one of those things. He needed time to process things.

“It was like any other day,” Leo started, startling Raph out of his thoughts, “he held me down like any other times. He ripped my arm off like one would, yeah? It was painful. And then…” Leo swallowed. His breath came a little shallow, now that Raph paid attention to it. He shared a glance with Mikey. “He said…h-he… that he wondered if it would, uhm, grow back. Usually things just kind of went back into place. He, uh, wondered how close the parts needs to be to make me whole. I… he… I mean he threw it away. Y-yeah. Then, uhm, I healed. Things just… uh, wouldn’t grow back. Apparently. I-I found the arm a while later. I… I mean I uh searched for it for a while when I was still bleeding, but then I kind of gave up when I healed and… and… it was just… just there. On the ground… I…”

Leo swallowed back a sob. Before Raph even knew what he was doing, he pulled Leo into his arms, wrapping him up as tightly as he could. That hug was as much for him as it was for Leo. Maybe even more.

“It’s okay. You’re home,” and that was truly more for him then it was for Leo.

He watched Mikey climb into Donnie’s open arms, because Mikey still hadn’t stopped crying, and their dad sat next to the two in Leo’s place and rubbed the back of Mikey’s neck.

Leo whispered something, but Raph couldn’t hear it. “What is it, champion?”

“When I was there, I always imagined how you would protect me. Hug me like this? When I tried to imagine that I was safe I was always wrapped up into your hug.”

Raph started sobbing. That was the sweetest and most heartbreaking thing he had ever heard, and imagined Leo, broken in that vast dark place, thinking of Raph when he was beaten, hurt, or alone; thinking how his big brother would swoop in and do everything in his power to keep him safe. But Raph was not there. Neither of them was. Just Leo, completely, utterly alone, missing an arm and crying for Raph.

“Raph will protect you now. I couldn’t do it then, but you’re home now. You won’t ever be unsafe again,” Raph said, his words wrapped in a confidence that he wasn’t sure he actually had -he just wanted Leo to believe it.

It must’ve been what Leo wanted to hear (or needed to hear), because he hid his face into Raph’s chest and kept crying silently. Now, both their brothers slid down next to them, and their father followed after. They all put a hand on Leo, on his shoulder, on his shell, on his head. They were all so unqualified for this, Raph thought. They didn’t know how to deal with someone who lived in literal Hell. Because Raph knew about the nightmares Leo experienced. He knew that Leo put up a fake smile and fake bravado and fake confidence -but what was underneath? They will have to earn their right for the ugliest parts of Leo, because until then, they won’t be able to heal.

Raph was determined to earn their brothers trust, however long it takes. He was scared of what they will find underneath -truly, who couldn’t be. It will be ugly -but if that helps Leo and all of them heal? Yeah, Raph’ll take that chance.

Like a boss.

……

It was exactly how he imagined, as Raph cradled him and the others caressed his head and his back. He was safe and so protected. It made him feel small, and how great that was! He was forced to feel small many times before -this was the only time it wasn’t humiliating and painful. This was something he could get used to.

“I’m not going to be like I was before,” he started. “I don’t know what I’m like anymore. I will be hard to tolerate. I might cry a lot, or freak out. I might even forget where I am, or who I am, I… I’m a mess. I… I don’t… it’s going to be hard. I don’t want you to… get tired of me. Of taking care of me?” His voice cracked. Leo hated it, but they had to know. “A-and, I don’t know if I will be able to leave if you told me to.”

“Well, good.” Mikey’s voice rang strangely cheery in Leo’s ears. That was not what he expected.

“Good?”

“We lost you once before, son,” dad added, “no amount of strangeness will move us from your side.”

Leo had to bite his lips to not scream -in frustration, in pain? “It won’t be easy.”

“We like a challenge,” said Don.

“I will be insufferable.”

“You already were insufferable, Nardo,” he could hear Donnie roll his eyes at him, even when he could not see him. Typical Don. “I think we’ll get used to the knew ways of annoyance. How would I even live without my twin to back me up against these morons when we have our annual Lou Jitsu movie fight?”

Leo chuckled, “You said the thing.”

“And I’ll repeat it as much as you want, dear brother.”

Leo shook his head. They were as stubborn as him.

“What if I get confused and try to hurt you?”

“Then Raph’ll be there to catch you.” He relaxed in his brother’s arms.

“Leo,” Mikey started, “you never gave up on us, so we will not give up on you.”

And this, Leo could believe.

The end