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Dude, you're hung

Summary:

Based off a weird Tumblr post I saw on YouTube shorts...

Anyhoo,

Ze and Regect are in a room alone trying to guess who would top if they were gay.
But they're idiots so obviously they're not gonna realize how gay this already is until it's too late

Notes:

This is the post

The YouTube short had a different username but I couldn't find the user, I did find this post which is literally the same thing sooo hey if u got it, u got it

Okay for the sake of fanfic, these are my designs of them so u can imagine them

July/2nd Edit: added 3 little drawings to go along with the fic, hope you enjoy!

July/9 edit: saw people on tiktok dont like that stuff so I took it out

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Ze and Regect were alone in their room. Regect blew up the house again (like always) and rebuilt it (like always). while building, Regect accidentally made 2 rooms instead of 3, Ze obviously wasn't happy.

"What the fuck dude! you know how gay we're gonna look?" he said, punching playfully... I'm joking he was actually punching the living shit out of Regect. bro was pissed the fuck off.

"Woah woah woah. man, slow down. it's not my fault, building takes time, you know that." Regect crossed his 'kinda' arms and pouted. Ze looked at Regect with an angry grin and gritting through his teeth he tried to say something. "you always build fast." but Regect just perked his head up and in an annoying voice just responded "hm what? i-i i didn't hear that? could you maybe say that again? ᵇⁱᵗᶜʰ."

"i sai- BITCH? WHO YOU CALLING BITCH?" Ze pulled out his gun and began counting to 3. "Okay! i'm sorry! look i'll rebuild it next time, but right now it's night so we need to go to bed." Regect heads to his room and was going to close the door until he felt a weight stopping it.

"Where do you think you're going?" Ze says with his foot on the door. 

"I'm going to bed. Didn't i tell you man?" Regect answers, now confused cuz he specifically remembers telling him that they needed to go to bed. unless Ze has memory problems.

"youre going to my room." Ze opens the door and corners Regect. "Fuck you mean 'your room'? this is mine." Regect begins cornering Ze to the door and shadowing him. "I'm not sleeping with moe! she needs her moe time" Ze looks at Regect with squinted eyes. "moe...time?' 

"Yeah. now if you'll excuse me, leave the room or else I'll close the door on your puny balls." Regect tries to shut the door, but Ze puts his hand through, although it hurts cuz Regect literally threw the door, the door is now open, and Ze walks in. "my balls aren't puny. and I'm not sleeping with moe." Ze declares, one final time. "Fine! but i'm not sleeping with her either, neither am i sleeping on the couch!" They stay silent, thinking about how this is going to work. until Regect gets an idea. "you want that third room? yeah you can get that third room but your gonna have to sleep with me in the same bed. if not, your staying on the couch." 

"Bro what?! why can't you sleep on the couch? why's it gotta be me?!" Ze shouts. "cuz i built the house dumbass." Regect says, crossing his arms again, now with a shit eating grin, showing his bright yellow fangs. are they gold? are they dirty? who knows. Ze was about to object to Regect's deal, but he realized how the monster did actually have a point. "fuck it. fine. but i want a really kickass room." 

-----------

hours past and they're on bed. no one is speaking to each other and no one dares to even initiate eye contact. 

"dont begin any gay stuff" Regect says, still not looking at his pale companion.

"fuck would i do anyways? how does your dick even work?" Ze answers back

"it's like... hidden. i gotta conjure and shit. like a magician" Regect waves his hand up and begins doing fake spells trying to explain how it works.

"okay mister magician. either way, your dick is probably small so i'd have to do all the work." Ze still facing the wall.

Regect gets angry and sit up from the bed, Ze does the same too, waiting for what the man will say.

"MAN WHAT? MY DICK ISNT SMALL. IT'S PROBBALY SO BIG YOU COULDNT EVEN FIT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH IN S-SO... TAKE THAT" he points his finger and Ze's face and smiles.

"Take your dick out and we'll see then! conjure up like the gay magician you are!" Ze bluffingly says. but Regect didn't know that Ze was just fucking around and actually conjures up the thing. Ze couldn't back away now.

all he sees is Regect showing his dick with a big grin that says 'ha! I knew I was right'

"f-fuck! cough My dick is actually bigger then that!" Ze takes off his pants and soon his boxers showing a...

"Ze... you're fucking hung."

both Regect and Ze look down at what they're doing.

"bro. you too"

 

------

no words were spoken. they just kept looking at each other's dicks trying to get something out of it but nothing comes up. then Regect coughs.

"Hm, you say something?" Ze says, still not looking up.

"Huh? oh uh no. i just coughed" Regect replies, also not looking up.

"So... um what are we gonna do?" Regect questions. 

"Considering how we're both so rock hard right now, probably find a way to stop being hard." Ze begins trying to find out ways to fix this. then slowly but gently, Regect begins pushing Ze down to bed. Ze looks at his shoulder and sees what's happening. "Uh- dude. wha- what are you doing?" still slowly being pushed down. "Just trust me in this... I'm gonna fix this." Regect finishes pushing Ze onto the bed until he was on top and Ze was under him. with one hand he grabs his dick and begins inserting into Ze's hole. Ze can't talk but he just looks at what's happening. Regect looks at Ze and Ze finally gets what's happening. 

 

"d-do it" Ze stutters. Regect nods and continues trying to position it, but he's nervous making him take some time. "shouldn't we like... get a condom or something... lube?" Regect asks

"Uh no, I don't really have condoms around and um" he looks at Regect's dick. "Um, your dick seems to be leaking, so I don't think lube is necessary." Ze gulps as his heartbeat begins pacing faster and faster.

"Heh you're right. welp, promise me your gonna take it like a good boy." Regect jokingly says, mocking the pornos he would watch to make fun of, and also get off of. then, Ze's dick twitched.

"BRO DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN I CALL YOU A GOOD BOY?" Regect tauntily says. Ze begins groaning angrily. "Dude fuck this, i'll just watch a video and get off of that" but before Ze could even move, Regect shoves himself inside of Ze, making him yelp.

"you're staying here, and you're gonna take me in so fucking good, you'll be crying for your mommy." Regect puts his other claws on Ze's dick and while rocking back and forth he begins stroking at the same pace.

Ze held on the sheets for dear life. As much as Ze didn't want to accept it, Regect was right, his dick was way bigger than his, and although he doesn't want to admit it (Because regect won't shut the fuck up about it) He was happy that he was the one taking it.

Regect puts his thumb on Ze's tip and began pressing down while twisting it around. Ze moaned quietly and quietly until Regect picked up the pace making Ze moan louder. Ze couldn't process his thoughts well, soon he was moaning out Regect's name, although not really a sexy name to moan, it didn't matter, Regect himself was taking it in like it was cocaine lined up in front of him. Ze couldn't handle it anymore and comed onto Regect's claws. but Regect wasn't done yet. still rocking, he playfully says.

"finished already? well wait up, cuz im next" Soon Regect takes his hand off Ze's penis and latches onto Ze's shoulders and began rocking faster and faster. Ze felt a second orgasm coming, but he couldn't be the first one again, so when Regect lowered his top half down for more balance, Ze began sucking on his neck (well his half with skin, regect didn't really have a lot of body parts) , making Regect moan. 

"fuck... Ze what are you doing?" His visions began blurring but he couldn't stop yet.

"helping you out bud." With his free hands, Ze grabs Regect by the neck and began sucking and biting hopefully leaving bruises under his dark complexion (it was difficult to notice). Ze kept going while Regect moaned each time.

Ze finally reached in Regect's mouth and began swirling his tongue in. suddenly the moans were muffled as Ze bit down and Regect slowed his rocking after soon finding his finish and Ze followed after. Regect lost balance off Ze's shoulders and completely fell onto Ze's chest.

"how was that? did i get you?" Ze said while circling his finger around Ze's shoulder blades

"man fuck you. you finished first anyways so if anything i won" Regect still panting and catching his breath.

"i love you"

"huh?" Regect pushes himself up, almost falling again the process. "say that again."

"make me, bitch." Ze laughs

"oh ho ho ho!" Regect retorts his finger at Ze laughing while putting himself back down on Ze's chest

"i love you too,man"

...

"hey are you gonna get your dick out my ass any time soon?"

"let it stay there's, its fucking freezing"

"YOU CAN JUST CONJURE BACK OUT NUMB NUTS"

 

 

Meanwhile Moe was on the other room blogging about the weird noises she heard in her friends' room on Tumblr

Notes:

Thank you YouTube shorts, I would've never written this without you