Red is the Colour of Shame

Sonic stared at the door in front of him.

He had been building up the courage to knock for Chaos knows how long, but no matter how hard he tried, his hands just would not cooperate.

They trembled, shaking so much that even clenching them into fists did not help.

So Sonic shifted his focus to the parts of himself that he could fix.

His shaking hands smoothed down the wrinkles in his t-shirt and pulled up his jeans, slightly uncomfortable. He was not used to wearing clothing, most of the time his shoes and gloves was the only thing he wanted to wear.

Today was just one of those days were you felt uncomfortable in your own skin. You think you can wash it away as long as you take a shower, but the feeling still lingers around you.

Sonic pulled his jacket closed, his arms wrapping around himself.

He was breathing too fast. His mouth was wide open like his body was readying itself to say something, and Sonic felt more like he was gulping down air instead of actually breathing.

His eyes fell closed and Sonic focused. Closing his mouth was easy, and internally counting out his breaths was not hard, but holding them far longer than what was natural for him, did not help.

Sonic hoped his breaths would even out, instead they became even faster. More unnatural.

It was kind of funny how strange breathing felt to you once it became intentional and an active choice.

His heart beat so fast that it could have raced against him and won. And every beat was hard enough to be felt against his rips, knocking against them from inside and only adding more to his anxiety.

Shadow had invited him over to his house exactly 15 hours ago and Sonic had done nothing else except think about how this moment was going to go.

The note inside the pocket of his jacket felt heavy, weighing down on him and Sonic resisted the urge to check the address that was written down in Shadow's neat handwriting. Again.

He already knew what the damn note said.

The first chance Sonic had gotten, he had memorized every letter. The blue hedgehog was confident he could recall perfectly how every letter looked like in Shadow's handwriting, all down to the way the other apparently liked to take his time and stress every letter like that in itself could say more than the actual finished word.

Shadow's writing was already slightly smudged because Sonic had traced his finger so often over them while he followed the letters, that the blue ink had clung to his gloves.

Late in the evening when his body already been full of nervous energy that made him unable to sleep, Sonic had already went to the address, just to get a feeling of Shadow's residence.

His treacherous mind had been whispering all kind of fears into his head. What If the address was fake? What If there was no actual house at this address? What If Sonic could not find the place at all, just because he suddenly had forgotten how to read?

And so Sonic had taken his time, staring at the house that looked completely ordinary, almost plain. Nothing stood out to him, nothing that made it obvious that Shadow the Hedgehog lived here.

And yet, Sonic felt strangely reassured, almost giddy. He could not wait for the moment when finally he finally knocked on the door and Shadow would open for him.

Only for Sonic to falter in the actual moment and to be unable to actually knock on the damn door.

Ever since the black hedgehog had appeared in his life, Sonic had done his best to get closer to Shadow. Nothing had come out of it for a while, on most days Shadow had told him directly to his face how annoying he was being.

And then something changed. And Sonic still was not sure what exactly had changed.

Only a few months ago they had finally begun making some progress. Suddenly Shadow had begun reaching back. Instead of vanishing as soon as the fights were over and blocking any attempt at connection, Shadow started staying behind just to talk to him.

The first time it happened, Sonic had been convinced that he was dreaming.

And then it happened again. And again. And somehow it kept happening.

And Sonic could not have been happier.

Until yesterday, when Shadow had invited him to his house out of the blue.

Sonic could still remember the wide grin that had stretched across his face as he could do nothing more than nod, too excited to even speak.

Shadow had dropped the paper into his hand before naming a time, and then he had vanished once more, leaving Sonic behind to wonder what he had done to deserve this, to get this lucky.

The blue hedgehog raised his fist, still shaking and carefully knocked on the door. His first knock was too loud, the two following too quiet but Sonic still heard movement in the house and Sonic hold his breath, waiting.

Footsteps approached the door that could only belong to one person, sounding too familiar to belong to anyone else and then the door opened suddenly, and despite his earlier attempts, Sonic felt entirely unprepared.

Shadow looked the same he always did. His quills were neatly combed, his fur shined with that reddish gleam that was only visible from a small distance. He was wearing a dark red turtleneck that fit Shadow a little bit too well, If someone had asked for Sonic’s opinion on that matter.

One hand was still holding onto the door, while his other was placed against the doorframe. Shadow leaned against the door while he took in Sonic’s appearance, and Sonic tried his best not to move under the other’s gaze.

“You’re punctual.” Shadow finally spoke, his dry tone washing over Sonic like a wave.

It was a good thing that the other had not noticed that Sonic had arrived way too early, and had spent the entire time hyping himself up, just so he could finally allow himself to knock at the door.

Shadow’s corners of his mouth twitched upwards, not by much, but still very much visible to Sonic. “I didn’t expect that.” He said with a teasing note.

“Did I interrupt your beauty routine?” The words stumbled faster out of his mouth than Sonic could even think. Banter was easy, and Sonic could feel himself calm down, now that they were back on familiar ground. “Do you need another hour?”

The hybrid chuckled, removing his arm from the doorframe and stepping back, so he could pull the door open for Sonic to step inside. “Nah. You simply have to endure my ugly face.”

‘You could never look ugly to me’, Sonic’s mind wanted to answer but he bit his tongue before he could embarrass himself.

Sonic had been waiting for this opportunity for years, and nothing was going to ruin this day, If he had anything to say about it.

The first look inside the house was overwhelming. The hallway was curt and Sonic did not want to stare, but it was painfully obvious that Shadow’s house was filled with little parts of the hybrid himself.

Plants were scattered across every surface, on top of shelves and dressers and all of them looked well-kept. Sonic had not even known that Shadow liked plants - not to mention that the other was actually good at tending to them.

Maybe Sonic should joke about how awful he was at keeping plants alive?

To soon they had already rounded a corner and left the hallway behind them, instead entering a small room that had a couple of seating options.

Shadow stopped in front of a leather couch that looked more expensive than anything Sonic even owned. Sonic was reminded of the fact that, unlike Sonic, Shadow actually had a real job that probably paid him too.

At least Sonic hoped that GUN paid Shadow. He had never asked, and honestly it was none of his business what kind of deal GUN and Shadow had struck with each other.

The black hedgehog waved his hand in the direction of the couch. “You can sit here.” He turned back to Sonic, giving him an apologetic look. “I really didn’t expect you to arrive this early, I just need to finish something in the kitchen.”

“Hey man, don’t sweat it.” Sonic awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, giving Shadow a sheepish grin. ”Finish something, huh? Can I help you somehow?”

Shadow shook his head no. “I won’t be long.” He promised before taking off in the direction of where Sonic guessed the kitchen was.

Sonic remained standing for a moment longer, his body feeling quite awkward as his eyes wandered across the room. He sat down, reaching towards his chest to adjust how his jacket had fallen. Sonic thought about taking the jacket off entirely but he could not bring himself to do it, his body wanting to feel comfortable first.

His hands rested on his thighs, quietly patting them while he waited.

Now that he was already inside, Sonic’s heartbeat had quieted. He finally felt like he could breathe, even If his hands were still shaking.

At least he did not have to use his hands anytime soon.

The blue hedgehog turned his head, waiting to see If Shadow would return but after a few seconds of waiting, even that became too boring for him.

Was it normal to vanish as soon as your guest shows up? Sonic never had this situation before but maybe that was a normal thing to do?

Still, Sonic could not help but wonder what Shadow could be doing in the kitchen.

What could Shadow possibly do in his kitchen that was so important? Sonic had no idea, every guess feeling just as unlikely as the one before.

Maybe Shadow had been about to make himself some tea. Or maybe Shadow had not eaten before and Sonic had interrupted him.

Maybe it was none of Sonic’s business and every thought he spent on the mystery would just make his anxiety worse.

Sonic took a long breath, his back leaning into further into the leather couch as he willed himself to calm down. And for a moment, it actually worked. His heartbeat finally slowed down and his breaths evened out.

And then Sonic felt something wet inside his underwear.

Instantly his eyes snapped back open as the confusion settled inside his chest.

Had the imagined the feeling? No, as Sonic shifted on the couch, he could clearly feel that something was inside his underwear, maybe something cold, maybe something wet, but definitely something.

He could have peed himself, Sonic reasoned with himself. But deep down the blue hedgehog knew that something was wrong.

Sonic snuck another glance towards the doorway, and when Shadow did not suddenly appeared again, he decided to do something drastic.

His fingers slipped into his pants and into his underwear. The movement was not fast, instead as slow as he could possibly go and instantly when his fingers touched the wetness, Sonic pulled them back.

Red.

His fingers were coated in red, and Sonic felt like he was going to be sick with the sudden dread that rushed into his stomach.

Sonic had never been good at tracking his days. He had started countless of calenders, had downloaded apps and the only thing that could make him confidently predict his period, were the symptoms he had the day before his actual period started.

None of his symptoms had shown up yesterday. But now his period was here.

Fuck.

He moved without thinking, jumping off the couch and turning around so fast, his head was spinning and his vision went blurry.

When his eyes finally focused, Sonic was staring at the spot in horror where he had been sitting just a moment before - where now a tiny spot of red could be visible. Not big enough to be immediately visible, but regardless, Sonic still felt extremely guilty.

If blood got on the couch then that meant…- Sonic looked down and pulled on his jeans until the dark spot came into view. It was so much bigger than what had landed on the couch, and for that Sonic was grateful.

He rather wanted to ruin his jeans that Shadow’s obviously very expensive looking couch.

Was there any way he could fix the stain before Shadow could notice? Cold water could normally fix any blood stain in Sonic’s clothes, maybe that would work on leather too?

First Sonic had to find a bathroom. The blue hedgehog looked around for any door he could see, but the only two doorways Sonic could see was the one that lead to the entryway and the one that probably led to the kitchen.

Sonic was just going to bite the bullet and ask Shadow.

He shrugged off his jacket and bundled it up in his arms, Sonic held up the bundle directly in front of his lower body as he poked his head into the kitchen.

Shadow had his back turned towards him, tending to something on the backing tray. From this angle Sonic could not see what was on the tray - Had Shadow made cookies, just for them? - but he had a mission anyway.

“Shadow?” Sonic called. Shadow turned around and when his brow furrowed at Sonic’s appearance, Sonic forced himself to smile in order to not make Shadow think that he was weird. ”Where’s your bathroom?”

“First door on the left.” The black hedgehog nodded behind Sonic and Sonic breathed a sigh of relief that he did not have to turn his back to Shadow to get to the bathroom. “Sonic, are you okay?”

Sonic froze, his smile was not convincing in the first place but now it felt almost painfully obvious how uncomfortable he must look.

“Yep, all good!” To stress his fake uplifting tone, Sonic made a thumbs up gesture before walking backwards, all without turning around before he finally was out of the view of the kitchen.

And then Sonic practically sprinted across the living room, then throw the small hallway until he reached the door that he had ignored in the beginning. He threw the door closed, the lock snapping in place before Sonic allowed himself to turn around, his back pressed against the door.

At the sight of a sink and toilet, Sonic finally felt like he could relax.

He stumbled over to the sink, the jacket landing somewhere on the floor as his face stared back at him quite frantically through the mirror. Sonic gripped the edges of the counter tight as he met his eyes in the reflection.

His gloves were hurriedly taken off. One glove, the one that still had some blood on it, was thrown into the sink while the other landed on the floor.

Sonic reached for the tap and turned the water on. First he splashed water onto his face, liking the way the water washed away the stress and panic - and then he scrubbed his glove clean.

It was a good thing that it was almost impossible to ruin these gloves, since they were made specifically by Tails and his brother was a genius. Still, seeing the blood harmlessly washed away in the drain had a more calming effect on Sonic than he could have even predicted.

He could rub the glove dry with one of the towels that hung next to the sink. It would still remain damp, but as long as Sonic did not touch Shadow with that glove, he should probably be fine.

His jeans were a bigger problem.

The stain was too big to wash away with water. And even If Sonic managed to clean the spot, jeans were terrible to dry. And Sonic really did not want to go back to Shadow’s living room with wet clothes.

His eyes darted to his jacket on the floor. He could cover himself with the jacket, hang it around his waist but Sonic was pretty sure that drew more attention to why he was wearing his jacket that way.

He had no hygiene products with him, no pads and no tampons. His period had completely caught him unprepared.

Toilet paper was better than nothing, Sonic reasoned with himself. If he put enough in his underwear, it could stop more blood from seeping into his clothes.

Sonic shook his hands, making sure that they were mostly dry before he went over to the toilet.

His hands pulled down his pants including his underwear and he quickly sat down before he even allowed himself to glance down.

The smell of blood entered his nose and Sonic tried hard not to gag. He hated how big his periods were, even after having years of experience and practise, Sonic still did not like the sight nor the smell of blood.

Mechanically his hands reached for the toilet roll, ripping off two sheets before dabbing blindly at his underwear. Something wet grazed his fingers and Sonic pressed harder, rubbing the paper against his underwear until the paper sheets were drowned in red.

Sonic let the sheets fall into the toilet before sliding one finger across his underwear. His finger still collected red but his underwear was not dripping with blood anymore.

Good enough for him.

He repeated the act with his jeans, although this time he was quicker about it because his jeans had not been as bloody as his underwear.

Finally Sonic ripped off another three sheets before balling them up and shoving them into his underwear, making sure that none of them could slide away. When he pulled his underwear and pants up again, the toilet paper felt slightly uncomfortable but it was better than nothing.

Sonic flushed the toilet before returning to the sink. He washed his hands again, carefully cleaning even under his nails until his fingers were entirely free of blood.

His hands rubbed his wet glove against the towel, trying his best to make the glove dry again when suddenly a knock sounded on the door.

“Sonic? You’ve been in there for a while. Is everything alright?”

Shadow’s voice was slightly muffled through the door but even so Sonic could hear the worry in the other’s voice.

Sonic hurried to pull the still partially wet glove over his dry hand, grimacing at the feeling. “Yeah- I’m- Everything’s fine!” He called out. “I’ll be out in a moment!”

The blue hedgehog grabbed his jacket from the floor. The chest and collar part covered his behind while Sonic pulled the sleeves around his waist and bound them into a knot.

A final look around the bathroom and Sonic confirmed for himself that he left no evidence behind. Then Sonic turned, one hand opened the lock and the other pulled the door open in one fluid motion.

On the other side of the door, Shadow stood with his fist still partially raised like he had been just about to knock again. He dropped his hand, but the worried look on his face remained.

Sonic adjusted the jacket around himself while he gave Shadow another forced smile.

“I’m fine.”

With one eyebrow raised, Shadow looked between Sonic’s unconvincing face and the obviously suspicious jacket.

“Are you?” Shadow did not look like he believed him.

Sonic’s eyes darted to the side. His mind was desperately trying to find a way out of this situation with his dignity intact but no matter what his brain came up with, nothing felt right.

“Actually-” Sonic still did not look at Shadow, his right arm rubbing down his left. He pressed his eyes closed, inhaling sharply before the worlds just stumbled out of him. “-my period just started and I have no pads with me. And I think I accidentally bled on your couch, sorry!”

Finally Sonic looked up to Shadow. The black hedgehog’s brow was still furrowed and just when he was about to say something, his mouth already open, Sonic interrupted him.

“I’m sorry about your couch! If you want, I can try to clean the stain with water. Water normally helps me when-” When Sonic noticed that Shadow looked only more confused, his way of approach changed. “-or I can pay for it! I’m really sorry-”

Shadow placed one hand on Sonic’s shoulder and the blue hedgehog’s mouth snapped shut.

“Water doesn’t clean leather stains, it only makes the stains bigger.”

Sonic blinked owlishly at the other, Shadow returned his with a serious look.

“Do you need a pad?” Shadow asked, pulling his hand back.

Sonic still felt like he had missed an important step in their conversation. “…What?”

“A pad.” Shadow repeated himself. He slipped inside the bathroom before moving to a cabinet in the corner. The black hedgehog pulled out a bag before presenting it to Sonic. “Do you need one?”

“Why do you have pads?”

The other shook the bag. “Rouge.”

Sonic had been so lost in his own panic, he had completely forgotten that Shadow’s best friend was female. Still, Sonic had no idea how open Rouge was about her bodily functions, but If Shadow kept one bag at his place, they had probably talked about it before.

“Yes, please.” Sonic’s voice sounded timid, even to himself as he accepted the bag.

Shadow’s corners of his mouth moved upwards. “I’ll give you some privacy.” He slipped back outside and closed the door.

The blue hedgehog wasted no time with pulling the bag open and taking one pad for himself.

He mentally made a note that he should probably thank Rouge, maybe buy her a pack as a thank you gift before stepping outside, feeling way more confident with the pad than he would ever feel with the toilet paper.

When Sonic came back into the living room, he came across Shadow kneeling in front of the couch. He was scrubbing a sponge across the leathery surface while his other hand was holding onto a bottle that read ‘leather cleaner’ in big red letters.

Sonic stopped next to Shadow, peeking over the other’s shoulder. Shadow stopped.

“Is the stain gone?” Sonic asked, still feeling bad.

Shadow lifted the sponge. “You tell me.”

The spot that Shadow had been cleaning looked a little bit darker than the rest of the couch, barely noticeable. But the blood stain was completely gone.

“Not the first time someone stained the couch.” The other mumbled, when Sonic looked at him like he had just done magic. “Rouge loves her wine.”

All the guilt that Sonic had been feeling before changed into relief, and Sonic could not help himself but bubble out a laugh.

What had Shadow said earlier? Water would have made the stain worse? Sonic snickered at the idiocy of himself.

Shadow put the sponge and cleaner away before asking, “Do you want some cookies?”

“Yes, please.” Sonic smiled.

The cookies were slightly burned and still they were the best thing Sonic had ever tasted. When he had told Shadow this fact, the other just called him a “sycophant” in return. Sonic had no idea what that word meant but the pleased look on Shadow’s face told him enough.

After that they moved back to the couch. Shadow brought a blanket and they cuddled up close, bundled up and watched whatever had been on the television together.

Sonic had not paid enough attention to the program, he had been too distracted by the feeling of Shadow’s arms around him.

A couple of hours easily turned into more, and suddenly Sonic had spent the entire day at Shadow’s.

He had to go home soon, otherwise Tails would worry. But until then Sonic was making the most of it, enjoying every moment he could in the other’s arms.

One thing was very clear: Sonic had never had a first day of his period turn out this great.