Chapter Text
Coruscant - Jedi Temple
Approximately one year before Empire Day
The Sixth Month of the year 7957 CRC
My name is Taliesin Croft. I am a Jedi Knight. A peacekeeper who has found himself a general. A general of an army that I increasingly don't know what the hell we’re fighting for. An army increasingly surrounded by darkness.
For at least another rotation, at least, while that collection of 'respected' elders debates my fate. I sit on a bench in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, looking at the beauty of the greens and blues and golds throughout the room. For perhaps the last time, as they debate my expulsion from the Order. My fate as a Jedi, a path I chose over an offer from an Elder Family on Corellia, is being decided by a disparate collection of beings. A collection of beings, who a month or so ago were willing to surrender one of their own, a young girl, a talented apprentice of arguably the most powerful Jedi of his generation, to be put to death by a military looking for vengeance.
A young girl who epitomized the light. A young girl—no, a young woman who epitomized what the Jedi were meant to be. A young woman who means more to me than most others in this Order. My hunt-sister. A young woman who has saved my life and I hers on a few occasions. Her corpse would appease the Republic and the military. It would appease the masses suspicious of the Jedi Order.
It would also tumble the Jedi Order down a long spiral to its doom. The decision may still.
My Master, Shaak Ti, a woman more responsible for the man and the Jedi that I am than any other, was a part of that decision. As was Master Plo Koon, the Kel Dor who brought the young girl to the Temple and had shown nothing but love for her.
Council decisions were presented as unanimous, even with dissension. Master Ti refused to tell me how she voted. I can sense her shame. Her shame at the Council being manipulated by the darkness. The darkness that I felt when I set foot on this planet. Under guard. My lightsaber in the possession of the masked Temple Guards escorting me from my ship. Escorting me to the Temple as Captain Jana Sloane and my officers of the 332nd watched. At least I had not been in Force-suppressant cuffs.
The last time that I had seen Master Ti, I, in my youthful disregard for anything other than my own opinion—at least in this situation—had taken her silence on her vote as an indication of her vote to expel.
I had lost my temper.
I had thrown words at her—my former Master. Words that had hit home with my mother-of-the-hunt. My parent in all but blood, in the traditions of her and the young girl's people. Words that I couldn’t take back. She had said nothing, but I had seen the hurt in her eyes. The woman whose patience and serenity; her humor and love; had saved me and taught me to be a hunter, a Jedi, indeed, a person.
I close my eyes as I think of my idiocy. Of letting the same darkness that clouded the Council in their deliberations, cloud the respect and love I have for her. I realized that she‘d never told me her vote. I don't know if I cared anymore. Only that in my selfish anger, I had destroyed our bond.
Plo Koon had come to see me after the argument.
"You know what you have done to your Master, Taliesin," he says without preamble. His featureless mask gives nothing away, but I can feel the emotion rolling off of him. Being one of the few who has ever seen him without the mask, the product of being one of the few who can prepare more extensive Kel Dor meals than simple soups, knows what that emotion looks like.
Right now, I’m quite sure that his silver pupils are wide in his black eyes with this emotion.
I try to figure out how to respond. The wound is still too raw. I chose youthful asininity. "Well, Master Plo, I am sure that you realize what the Council did to Ahsoka. An innocent."
I feel the emotion change slightly. "Yes. I am aware of it every waking moment, Croft. As is your Master. My friend." His normally, warm, steady baritone has an edge to it. He gives me ample opportunity to take a less obstinate tack. I, of course, being true to my father’s heritage, ignore the opportunity.
"Careful, Master. You're coming dangerously close to attachment."
"Your sarcasm does not, in this instant, do you credit, young one."
Young one or little one. Jedi-speak for 'shut up while you're behind."
"Do I need to remind you, how many times Shaak Ti defended your actions to the Council? Or even defended your little compatriot Baldrick for your youthful indiscretions? Do you know how many times, she was called on the carpet by Master Windu for defending you so vigorously? Do you know how many times, I could feel the despair and worry rolling off of her, when something stupid you had done resulted in some injury to you? Or how she hoped every day that she could provide an example to you; to help you when you were despairing of succeeding; when your confidence level was on the deepest level of this world?"
Each sentence strikes me like a lightsaber thrust. Straight to the heart.
I suddenly realize that I, a General of the Grand Army of the Republic, a full Jedi Knight, and a veteran of over two and a half years of war at the ripe old age of twenty-four, am about to start bawling like I’m just in the crèche for the first few days.
I slump on my bench in this self-same Room. Plo sits next to me. His voice is softer, but no less firm. "Do you realize how many other Masters and Councilors continuously both overtly and covertly accused her of excess attachment to you? Of how she didn't change a thing in how she taught you and defended you, much like she would've defended her hunt-fast against the Akul?" He pauses and puts his taloned hand on my shoulder. "She, like I, didn't look at it as attachment. Rather we looked at it—indeed, we still look at a master-padawan relationship as a partnership. Yes, there is guidance, sometimes direction." I can feel him looking at me sharply, but with humor. "There is also mutual learning from each other. There is mutual respect, and yes, love. Unselfish love."
I remain silent as I absorb the painful words. Plo looks at the floor. "The Council knows what it has done. Some see it now; it weighs on them. I will feel Little 'Soka's loss until I take my last breath. She will always be on my mind. As, I have no doubt, she will be on your Master's mind. I do not know what would've happened if she had been sentenced to death."
I can feel a bit of the dry humor creeping through the despair. "The young do not have a monopoly on righteous indignation."
"Master Plo, what do I do?"
"You concentrate on keeping yourself in the Order and away from the tender mercies of the GAR. We'll concentrate on anything else after that. It’s what she wants."
"Can I talk to her?"
He stands up and looks at me. "She’s already left for Kamino. She has something to take care of; something she has learned from Elle Jaquindo." He holds up his hand at the expression that is surely on my face. "Don't worry, son. She will be part of the deliberations."
As he leaves, I feel a slight smile on my face. Things will be alright if I am being 'son-ed' by Plo Koon again.
+=+=+=+=+=
I shake my head at the memory. As I do, I sense someone else coming into my area of the room. I come alert as I see the large figure in a too-small robe and hood stalking over to me.
The figure has no Force-signature of his own, but I recognize the personality that he projects in the Force.
"I really hope that there isn't a small Jedi unconscious in the bushes somewhere. Or hanging on a clothesline," I say.
The figure reaches up and pulls the hood down. A very large representative of millions of GAR troopers smirks at me. "Can't they make jetti a one-size-fits-all?" He sits next to me on the bench, nearly knocking me off the edge with his bulk.
His face grows grim. "How're you doing, Tal?" he asks.
"I'm here," I reply.
I see his eyes narrow as he looks me square in mine. I don't break the gaze.
"Would you stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself, Vod?" he all but shouts. Other Jedi in the Room glare at him.
He glares right back. He turns back to me. "Why does it feel like you've given up, Croft?"
"What the hell do you mean?" I ask, glaring at him.
"Well, it looks like you're sitting here on your narrow ass feeling sorry for yourself, contemplating your navel, waiting on them to toss you out on your ear."
"Think its pretty much a foregone conclusion, Drop. Only working out the details. Tarkin and a blaster bolt to the head, like they had in store for Ahsoka, or an exciting life in the AgriCorps."
"Pretty much the same," Drop says.
I can't disagree.
"Well, why don't you just kneel here and I'll save them the trouble."
I don't respond.
I see him grit his teeth in frustration. "Come on, Croft. This isn’t the man that I’ve fought with and loved like a brother for two years. The man who took lightsaber blades and horns to save his men. The man who refused to leave anyone behind and died every time one of his men got a fucking hangnail. The man who agonized over the fact that he couldn't be a peacekeeper any more. The man whose heart bled when his little hunt-sister showed up in a meat-grinder. The man whose pride in that little, no, that young woman as you say, when she fought and gave blood to save her men nearly overwhelmed us all. A young woman he had to let go of for another teacher to take over shaping her life."
It’s amazing how much dust you can get in your eyes in this room.
He snorts in contempt. "You apparently aren't the man I thought you were. You've already surrendered. You've already let down Ahsoka. General Ti. Elle. Hell, you've let down all of your men; men who don't have much anyway, except for the hope that their General gives them. Most importantly, you've let yourself down. You've given up on yourself."
I look at him. "What the hell do you expect me to do, Drop?"
"Stand the fuck up. Look like you've at least got half of the fire that we're used to. Go in that room and stand proud for what you did for an idea and an innocent." His face softens as much as it can. "Do you think Mouse," I smile at his nickname for Ahsoka, "or General Ti would want you to give up? They would expect you to keep fighting."
He falls silent. I can take the silence no longer. "So what book did you get all of this out of?"
The Null grins. "How to Get a Jedi's Head out of His Ass in Two Easy Lessons, by T. Croft, Esquire."
"Did it have pictures?"
"Yeah. It showed a large clone kicking the ass of a little shit of a Jedi."
"Drop?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
He waves it away. "Don't mention, it, General of Plant-pushers."
I snort. "So warm and fuzzy."
"Can I do anything for you?" he asks.
"Yeah. You can go in the undercity and find Ahsoka. If you can talk to her, okay, but mostly let me know if she’s alright."
"I can do that. Do you want me to drag her back to you?"
"No! Hell, no! One, I don't think you could do it; I've already seen her kick you in the balls once. This time she might make Elle very sad."
"Well, Elle has come close to doing that herself."
We fall into a comfortable silence.
Drop stands and nods. Two Temple guards come into the room. Their staves are sheathed, but their intent is clear. "Guess I've worn out my welcome."
He reaches down to me and seizes me in an engulfing embrace. I rest my forehead against his armor, under the robe. We break apart. His smirk, which would do a certain young Togruta proud, covers his face. "Don't get any ideas, Vod. Doesn't mean we're going to spend long hours gazing at the stars together."
"I'll try to keep my disappointment down."
"I'll be in touch,” he says. He touches two of his fingers to his forehead.
Jedi Temple
Council Chamber
Yoda watches as the Council assemble. So many via hologram. Fighting the darkness. The darkness that has brought them together, to judge one Jedi's response to the fallout.
Mace calls the Council to order. The Korun begins. "You all know why we are here. The question is, do we expel Jedi Croft from the Order and turn him over to the GAR for trial for disobedience of orders, or is there another punishment that we can mete out."
Obi-Wan Kenobi speaks up. "There is a third option. We try to put this whole sordid mess behind us and let him stand with no punishment. There should be no punishment for doing what a Jedi is sworn to do. To protect an innocent."
Ki-Adi-Mundi retorts, "We can’t do that. So far, we have been able to keep this off of Tarkin's sensors; there is flexibility for the commander to recall his ships if they have been behind enemy lines, but that may not stand. You saw how the blood on the water drew our enemies with the last affair."
Windu continues. "As much as I’m trying to be objective, the bottom line is that Croft threatened a member of the Council. That disobedience will not stand. It’s my feeling that Jedi Croft should be expelled. What happens to him after that is Republic business."
Obi-Wan’s eyes flash, "Would you be so quick to act if it was anyone but you who was threatened? He didn't threaten you personally. He just said that he would break Ahsoka out of prison if she was sentenced to death."
"Yes, using three Republic Star Destroyers to do it," Windu says, "As much as some would like to believe it, I‘ve nothing personal against Croft. But the Order must be willing to police itself, or that privilege will be taken away from us by the Senate."
"It seems like we’ve already lost that privilege," Plo Koon rumbles.
No one speaks to that. Obi-Wan turns and speaks to one of the hologram-Masters. "Master Ti, you’vebeen silent. What do you have to say?"
The tall Togruta stands. All eyes are upon her. "We’re engulfed in darkness," she says softly. "This Council—the guiding body of an Order who stands for light, has become lost. We allowed a young member of this Order to be expelled with no protection against the darkness. We allowed the Republic to dictate to a sovereign body."
Yoda can sense her pain, even across the parsecs. His ears twitch back at her despair, so apparent in her soft voice. Yoda can also sense the heat rise in her mind as she speaks.
"With her expulsion, even with the thinnest of evidence against her, we doomed her to an almost certain, violent death. How many of you visualized that child of light and skill with the Force, lying with her hands bound and her body pierced with blaster bolts? A minor by our own laws, as well as those of Coruscant." Her violet gaze pierces them all. Some of them have the sense to look away. "Even when she was found innocent, after the work of her Master, as well as the testimony of another lost child, we begrudgingly offered her entrance back into the Order; we tried to pass our failure off as 'just a test to make her a better Jedi’. We even tried to bribe her with a Knighthood."
She again circles the room with her gaze. Obi-Wan is smiling at her. Yoda can see that she cannot meet his gaze. "She made the obvious choice," Ti continues. "The painful choice to admit that she couldn’t stay here. Not after the mistrust that we had shown her. The intolerance." She looks straight at Windu. He does not shrink from her gaze. "Then, when she made that choice, we blamed her for making it. As if nothing had happened."
"Now, wait a minute," Windu says. He cuts off as she stares at him silently. He looks away.
"We now have the opportunity to make a choice. To again dance to the Senate's tune and the GAR's, to cast out another to their tender mercies. Or another choice of our own agency. You know how I’ve stood up for my former padawan. How he has tested my patience, as well as this Council's. I would say that he’s challenged us. We should be up to the challenge. He represents younger members of the Jedi who are losing faith in this Council's ability to stand up to the darkness.
"I ask, no, I beg the Council, don’t compound this mistake. Do not lose another promising young Jedi. He deserves punishment for his intemperance, but not the ultimate. The Order may not withstand the loss of another."
She sits. Yoda can see members nodding in agreement, but the older, more orthodox members' expressions are blank. Yoda feels her struggle to tamp down the despair.
"Does anyone else have anything to say?" Windu asks.
"I do."
Shaak's eyes widen. Luminara Unduli stands. Her eyes shadowed with pain. The Council waits expectantly. Shaak closes her eyes.
Luminara takes a deep breath. "Master Ti speaks many truths. The most significant is the fact that this Council bears responsibility for this." She glances down. She looks up, seeking out Yoda. He gently smiles and nods. "We did not and we do not see this darkness." She closes her eyes. "I most of all."
There is a low murmur. She plunges forward. "I didn’t recognize the pain. The fear. The darkness in my padawan. Until it was too late. Until her fall. Until she betrayed her beliefs, and most of all, she betrayed an innocent friend and murdered other innocents. This will be my shame and my failure. We should share in this shame that we were willing to cast out an innocent. Now we’re deliberating if we should cast out a knight for speaking out. Perhaps with the wrong method, but speaking out against the darkness. I’m not optimistic for the Order's ability to survive this darkness that we have found ourselves immersed in." She looks at them all, one by one. Yoda sees her eyes lock with Ti’s. "I would not vote to expel Jedi Croft, if I could. I recommend that no one does."
The chamber is silent as she lowers herself to her seat outside of the circle. Shaak rises, turns to Luminara and slowly bows to the Mirialan.
Yoda looks at his fellow Council members. "Many truths spoken by both. You as well, my friend," he says, looking at Mace. "Fight the darkness, we must, but at no more cost to our young." He gazes at the Council. "No cost that we can prevent."
"Deliberate on an appropriate sanction, we must."
+=+=+=+=+=
Taliesin Croft stands in the center of the Council chamber. He notices that Ti is absent. He has taken Drop's advice; he stands straight with his eyes clear.
Windu looks at him. "Jedi Croft, you‘ve been accused of a serious offense. That you were disrespectful and insubordinate to a member of this Council."
Croft narrows his eyes at the Korun. The Master locks eyes with him. "However, we understand the affects of the darkness of your uninterrupted campaigns behind Separatist lines. We feel that the darkness has affected your judgement."
Seems to be the convenient fucking excuse for everything around here. Plo shakes his head slightly as he sees Croft's expression.
"Therefore, you will not be expelled from the Order. The squadron's movement was within its window to be relieved at its commander's discretion since you had spent so much time in Separatist space. You and the naval commander were within your discretion. The records will reflect that." The Korun pauses, looking at Yoda. "However, we feel that some sanction is needed for your disrespect."
"You are hereby relieved of your command of the 332nd. You are stripped of all responsibilities as a General of the Grand Army of the Republic. You will return to the Temple for other duties as assigned."
Taliesin feels his chest constrict.
Windu continues. "It’s hoped that you will find peace and rest after your honorable service in defense of the light and the Republic."
"Examined your padawan, we have," Yoda says. "Adamant he is, that he wishes to remain with you. A teacher of skill, you are." The little green being smiles, gently. "An impression you have made, in only a few months."
I guess the fact that he came back to the Fleet around the time I was deciding to 'be insubordinate', after his Temple cycle helps.
"You will remain at the Temple and work with young Gungi," Mace finishes. “Do you have anything to say?"
Why didn't you just turn me over to Tarkin? The end result’s just as horrible.
He closes his eyes. I‘ve let my Vode down.
Plo rises and walks to him. "Master Ti couldn't be here. She asked me to give you this."
A purple and gold-toned cylinder is placed into his palm. For an instant, he imagines he hands it back to the Kel Dor and stalks out. Instead, he hangs the saber on his belt, bows and calmly walks out.