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Planarcardia’s first memoria-based Escape Room!
- Featuring customized puzzles tailored to your group for maximum EXP gain
- Character growth or your money back guaranteed
Be sure to take breaks and stay hydrated!
Have fun and enjoy Planaradia!
Warning: Prolonged exposure to high concentrations of memoria can cause severe mental and physical degradation. May cause hair loss, considerable weight gain, headaches, and damage to the immune system. Do not use if you are pregnant, or breastfeeding. For the sake of your health, pay attention to unusual feelings or weakness, especially if you are a total scrub. Side effects vary. Planarcadia is not accountable for damages caused by skill issue. Please play responsibly.
-
That's what the sign said.
That's what Stelle, March 7th, and Dan Heng expected.
Little did they know that the Planarcadian Escape Room's puzzles were customized for the participants using highly condensed memoria - much more than the legal average. And with memoria concentrations this high, certain people inevitably came out.
That's how Evernight showed up along with–
“Cold Dragon Old!!” Stelle cheered. “Yay!”
At the sight of the older man appearing, March tugged on Evernight's sleeve.
“Did you somehow take Dan Heng's brother and turn him into a memosprite?”
“This wasn't my doing,” Evernight said to her honestly.
Dan Feng looked around warily. He clutched his head, disoriented from being forced into existence.
“You are… Dan Heng's companions?” Dan Feng asked, uncertain. “...Hm. What is this?”
The five of them barely had time to acknowledge each other’s sudden appearances–because the entity that awaited them in the escape room was an older, white haired Blade.
“Welcome, all participants!” the man announced with a familiar voice, and familiar attire. The man bowed.
“Yingxing?” Dan Heng sputtered. “Is he also a stray memory that slipped out due to the concentrations of memoria?”
Dan Feng eyed the man critically.
“He may look like Yingxing, but he is certainly not him.”
“Not a memory of him, either,” Evernight added.
“Ding, ding! You are correct!” Yingxing pointed at them with his finger guns. “We have some very clever participants today! I am an imaginae designated as the host of Planarcadia's Escape Room!! The challenge theme for your group has been generated… drum roll please…! You guessed it! It’s selfcest!!”
Fake cheering played on a soundtrack somewhere in the seemingly blank room.
“Uh… Selfcest…?” March repeated.
“As the host, I play the role of a selfcest counterpart that could not be included in the scenario due to the original not physically present in this Escape Room. However the thought of the individual Blade or Yingxing are in your memories, and I have taken his appearance to match the theme.”
“Okay.” Stelle scratched her head. “So what exactly is the point of this?”
“Everyone knows that to become stronger, you must first defeat your evil, gayer self. It's the law of video games and anime. With the use of memoria and the Elation, you too will rightfully obtain EXP after clearing this escape room!”
The explanation brought up more questions than answers.
“I see,” Stelle nodded sagely.
“You don't see anything,” March accused.
“I've seen enough,” Dan Heng said.
“If it's just a matter of defeating evil gay alters, we've been there done that. Look at them for example!”
Stelle pointed at the two dragons.
“Sure he may have been a raging homosexual in a past life and had his own harem of hot, eager men but he went through a character arc! He's straight now! He's got me and March 7th! You've already lost, ‘Yingxing’. Your ex-husband has moved on!”
Stelle raised her arms flat to make her body in the shape of a cross.
“The power of heterosexuality compels you!”
It was a T-pose.
“Het character growth isn't real,” Yingxing replied. His voice was cold and rough like gravel. “It can't hurt me.”
“Till death do you part!” Stelle shouted back.
They were evenly matched in levels of insanity.
“...Your companion possesses a unique style of language,” Dan Feng commented.
Dan Heng turned to him, dismayed. “You don't have to stick around for this.”
Dan Feng shook his head.
“I have already attempted to take my leave and dispel this folly. Although by now I am merely an Obliviated Memory–”
“Did someone say obliviating memories~? ♭”
“Not now, Evernight.”
“--That impostor is controlling this space and is utilizing what's left of myself as a part of this puzzle.”
March clasped her hands together politely. “Awh, sorry you got caught up in all this. It's all because Stelle found an ad in the trash.”
“An ad that should've stayed there,” Dan Heng muttered.
“Despite the crazed ramblings, it was nothing I couldn't refute. The trouble my own companions have caused pales in comparison to this,” Dan Feng replied. He waved off the apology. “Pay it no mind.”
-
[ Trial 1: Kiss yourself ]
Evernight immediately kissed March, while Stelle stared at the notification in disbelief.
“How is this defeating yourself?”
“Self loathing is the basis of MANY selfcest confrontations,” Yingxing babbled on. “And what's the opposite of self-loathing? Self love, of course! A kiss is one step closer to breaking free of the trials of selfcest!”
Dan Heng side-eyed his past self with disgust.
“No.”
Dan Feng wasn't offended in the slightest. He spoke nonchalantly.
“Before that body was yours, it was mine. Those lips have already tasted countless men. What is one more?”
March's cheeks were tinted pink when she spoke.
“Wow, Dan Heng, I had no idea you were so experienced. Countless men? That's gotta be more than five.”
Dan Heng was too stunned to speak.
“As expected of Dan Heng,” Stelle said, without missing a beat. “He just graduated Paperfold University, and despite being a young hatchling he already has hundreds of years of practical experience.”
She looked to him with proud eyes.
“He's exactly the kind of person companies look for when hiring. He's the perfect intern..!”
“Will any of us regular people get jobs if people like Dan Heng exist?” March groaned.
“That's beside the point,” Dan Heng sighed. The topic got further and further derailed. He took a deep breath in before turning to his past self.
“I didn't expect you to play along with this.” Dan Heng said, calmly.
“I didn't expect you to be so opposed,” Dan Feng replied in the same tone.
“What's the big deal anyway?” March cut in. “Evernight and I already kissed.”
“With tongue~♭” Evernight added.
Dan Heng deflated as he spoke:
“I was determined to dedicate this life to you both. Isn't this cheating? Do you really wish to see me… kiss myself?”
“Awww, you're so sweet,” March told him. “But to be honest, with all those statues and art of your lookalikes in the Loufu, I might have been fantasizing about this a little bit.”
“Nevermind. Forget I asked.”
“Is it really cheating if it's yourself?” Stelle mused.
“Y’know, I wasn't even thinking about that until we started talking about it. Do you think it's cheating, Dan Heng? Is it more than just you touching another extension of your body?”
“.......”
Dan Heng took too long to respond, and their eyes began to shine expectantly.
“Whoa, don't tell me you actually have feelings for him?”
“Tell us. Did your heart go doki-doki?”
Dan Heng spoke dryly. “You're letting your imaginations get the better of you.”
For Dan Heng, it was because he had traces of Dan Feng's memories that he hesitated to engage in the action.
The others didn't know what Dan Feng was capable of. He was an extremely talented an, but his talents with his mouth far surpassed any other in his repertoire. Anyone who had ever received his affections had their lives forever changed, their bodies ever yearning.
Evernight read the above text as if it were written all over his face.
“Your memories are so lewd~♭” Evernight said. Her deadpan curiosity made it known she flipped through his memories like an open book. A book that belonged in the rated E for Explicit section. “I thought Vidyadhara didn't experience carnal desires in the same way other species do due to their lack of reproductive evolutions. I see that I was mistaken.”
“Bodies… ever yearning?” March read aloud.
No, it really was narrated in the world as floating text. It happens in-game sometimes. This escape room is traitorous.
“Talents with his mouth??” Stelle read aloud as well. “And you never showed us these talents, Dan Heng?”
Dan Heng covered his expression with a fist. He looked away from all of them. “...I may not be capable of the things he is capable of.”
“There's no use hiding. I can hear your blood rushing hot and fast through you,” Dan Feng said. “Though it does not surprise me that my future self would be interested in the receiving end of this experience.”
Betrayal after betrayal left the mouth of this memetic entity.
“What experience?” March asked “Am I the only one who's lost?”
Evernight leaned towards her ear. The gestures she was making with her hands were obscene, and one could easily guess the contents of their conversation even from afar. It may no longer be possible to do the hand motions for world cleansing dragon after this.
“Come,” Dan Feng ordered. He held a hand out. “This is not without purpose. You've already pledged this life to those present. Do you hold shame for what your body is capable of?”
Stelle made a 😳 face.
“How did you manage to do that…?” March asked, horrified.
“Ugh....... will this really get us out of here?” Dan Heng asked the fake Yingxing after much deliberation.
“Only with a true love's kiss,” Yingxing winked.
Dan Heng sighed. He begrudgingly took Dan Feng's hand. He was pulled closer to the other man, and he suddenly felt awkward at the breach of personal (?) space.
It was when a pinch elicited a strange gasp from him that Dan Heng knew that it would be impossible to maintain his composure.
Dan Feng looked pleased. He thumbed over the zipper by his neck. “I wonder what else hasn't changed?”
Dan Heng grabbed the hand before the zipper could be pulled down.
“There's no need to go that far–”
“Nonsense. You know it is a challenge for Vidyadhara to delight in such human desires, and one day you too will find yourself troubled in understanding your companions. I'll show how ‘I’ enjoy physical intimacy.”
Dan Heng's heart was going doki-doki and Dan Feng knew it.
“Dan Heng?” Dan Feng asked, patiently.
The others waited in tense, selfcest anticipation.
“......Do as you please,” Dan Heng finally relented. He let go of the hand, and his other self certainly did as permitted. He was kissed until the audience was forgotten and they immersed themselves in each other.
By the end of it, Dan Heng was in a relaxed daze while Dan Feng continued to absentmindedly nibble on his neck.
Stelle and March 7th couldn't tear their eyes off the scene.
“Whoa.”
“He's never reacted like that when we've kissed him.”
With an elegant dab of his sleeve, Dan Feng made himself presentable after the sloppy make out session.
“When you reach a high enough proficiency in this skill, you too will have men chasing the vestiges of you across galaxies and yearning for you throughout centuries.”
Dan Feng said it all as if it were only natural that ‘Dan Feng’ was an unforgettable experience. Is this also why Dan Heng thought about him all the time?
Dan Feng let him go long enough to allow him to regain his bearings.
“How was it?” Dan Feng asked him, voice soft. “The talents I have spent my lifetime nurturing. Do you remember now?”
“...Yes.”
“Then take the lead,” Dan Feng challenged him. “Show me how you will indulge your companions from this point onward.”
Dan Heng leaned in. The rest was so intense that it had to be covered by splash art.
Stelle grimaced.
“Not the splash art..!”
“Fascinating, isn't it?" Evernight hummed. "The expressions Dan Heng made were uniquely his own. March would like this.”
It’s true. March was blushing like crazy. The Xianzhou immersias she liked to read did nothing to stifle her imagination.
“I guess if he gets that into it, I can see why he thinks its cheating,” Stelle admitted. “That's the power of old man yaoi.”
March 7th and Stelle nodded in unison. Their two brain cells were high-fiving.
“Mgh… I can't stop thinking about all the stuff you told me,” March said to Evernight. “Dan Heng can do this and that..? Is that why they call him 'double dih permansor spermae' online?”
“He's gaining a lot of EXP behind that splash art, March,” Stelle interrupted. “You better be ready for next time.”
“Ready!?” March covered her mouth in surprise. “Dan Heng can go through anything but he folded like a lawn chair after just being kissed! I don't think I'll ever be ready.”
“Then why don't I give you the experience you need to contend with him?” Evernight suggested. “He's not the only one here who can reawaken a body's forgotten desires. I can show you how cute your reactions can be~♭”
March shivered at the thought. She felt the memoria around them shift and she reeled back.
“Wait, wait!” March exclaimed. “Now? You really think this is a good time to do that? All we had to do was kiss.”
“March dear,” Evernight said, uncharacteristically thrilled. “When will I ever get a chance to do all these things with you otherwise? Aren't you curious? All these delightful sensations that you can experience all over again for the first time.”
“Um, I don’t think I’m ready for that either.”
Evernight leaned in close. Her jellyfish memosprites appeared and tied March up so she couldn’t say another word.
“I know exactly what can please you. Don't worry. Just close your eyes…”
Evernight said it like it was an announcement for a cutscene and they disappeared.
Stelle blinked.
“They actually left?”
As if to respond, the room was silent. The splash art hung in front of her tauntingly.
A Remembrance pathstrider as a powerful as Evernight should have no problem moving through memoria. She really ditched everyone in favour of bdsm selfcest. They're probably redoing their character trailer right now.
All alone, Stelle turned to Yingxing to complain.
“What about me?” Stelle asked, unimpressed. “I don't get an evil, gayer self to beat?”
Yingxing laughed. He pointed at her accusingly.
“Foolish Stellaron. The evil gayer self is YOU!”
A wave of his hand and a flurry of images were summoned. The absolutely incriminating photos of Stelle with March, Stelle with Firefly, and Stelle with Cyrene filled the air. Stelle with Silver Wolf too. There was even the one time thing with Seele and Bronya. It was a tornado of Stelle with women from across planets and galaxies.
Within the torrent of cosmic yuri, a person was revealed in the eye of the storm.
“Hi,” Caelus said.
“Nooooo!!” Stelle wailed. “It was me? I was evil and gay all along!?”
“I am the Galactic Baseballer,” Caelus said.
“Whats with the NPC lines!?”
“Go, Caelus,” Yingxing said. He massaged his shoulders in assurance as though he were a warrior about to step onto the fighting ring. “It’s time for you to defeat your evil gayer self.”
Caelus puckered his lips.
Stelle raised her bat, horrified.
“I understand why selfcest people are always fighting in anime and video games. Like, I totally get it now.”
Path energy focused into her weapon.
“I won't lose to you,” Stelle declared. “The Trailblaze will triumph over your character arc. This was a wise move, Yingxing, but there is a flaw in your reasoning.”
“Oh?”
“This isn't selfcest. It's…”
Stelle turned, showing her back and glaring at Yingxing cooly. She let her eyes glow and with enough imagination, Imbibitor Lunae's ultimate was copied.
“...Twinscest.”
Yingxing was blasted away by the sheer aura of her words. Critical hit! Downed!!
“You've brought the downfall of your own theme!” Stelle exclaimed. Her continued onslaught was merciless. “This isn't selfcest! We're twins in all the promotional posters! Caelus and I have the same mom!!”
Fireworks in the shape of Kafka exploded as the escape room began to dissipate. The words ‘same mom’ continued to echo as Yingxing watched his world fall apart with every beat.
“My domain expansion is crumbling…! You did it. You've escaped!”
They really did escape.
The exit was right in front of them, the streets clearly visible beyond.
Stelle and Caelus paused in their tracks.
“Wait. That's it? There's no trial 2?”
“Yeah, the ending is kind of abrupt.”
“The creator of this escape room ran out of ideas,” Yingxing explained to them.
“I want a refund,” Stelle demanded.
“Greedy child. There are no refunds,” Yingxing huffed. “This experience was free.”