Chapter Text
Jesper was fidgeting again. His foot was tapping against the floor of this damn large manor, and his hands were desperate to be put to use.
Wylan was sitting next to him, but he felt miles away. Jesper wanted to reach out to Wylan and touch his hand or lean his head on Wylans shoulder, but Wylan was pissed about some bad trade deal and he was afraid he would be overstepping.
His eyes tracked over the paper again. “Wylan maybe you should take a break, you’ve been working so hard”
Jesper knew that what he was really saying was -he- wanted a break. They’ve been sitting here, at this table, reading over document after document for hours, and Jesper needed to go out and do something, maybe even paint with Wylans mom just -something-.
Wylan obviously knew it was Jesper who needed a break. He was getting good at reading Jesper, almost startlingly good. Jesper didn’t like it. Well, he liked it most times, but it made it really hard to lie.
Wylan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and Jesper immediately braced for Wylan to yell at him or slap him or do something cruel, like Kaz used to.
But then again, Kaz was his boss, albeit his best friend, and Wylan was his boyfriend. Someone who cared about him no matter what. Someone who would be there for him.
Jesper reminded himself of this when Wylan reached out to cup Jespers face in his hand, and plant a small kiss to his cheek. It made Jesper grin like an idiot.
“Go take a break Jes, I’ll have my mom read the rest of these documents for me.”
This made Jesper frown. “Don’t you want to take a break with me?” He asked, reaching for Wylans hand and stroking his thumb gently on his wrist. “Please?”
Jesper knew what he was really asking Wylan. ‘Please don’t leave me alone right now. I can’t be left alone right now. I can’t relapse, not again.’
Wylan must have known too, because he sighed again and put his free hand on Jespers cheek. “Of course”.
Jesper grinned, grabbing Wylans wrist and pulling him up the stairs to his room, shutting the door behind him and flopping down onto the bed, watching as Wylan fell down beside him in a heap.
Jespers hand was still on Wylans wrist, and he let it drift down until they were holding hands, fingers intertwined naturally like that was how it was meant to be.
Jesper brushed a stray curl from Wylans face, and he blushed. It didn’t matter how long they lived together or how many things they endured, wylan always blushed at Jesper so easily.
They were just kids. Sure a few months had passed since they moved in together, but they hadn’t gotten much older. They would still be in university right now, if it wasn’t for both their unfortunate pasts.
Wylan was 16 years old, and Jesper was barely 17, and yet they had to work this much every day, to the point where lying on the bed hand in hand felt like a privilege .
Jesper guessed it wouldn’t have been much different on the farm, in fact he would have been working more than he was now. But if he had just stayed at university, if he hadn’t gone out with his friends that one night, if he had met Wylan under different circumstances, would he have grown to be as fidgety as he was?
Would he still itch for action and pray for the dangerous situations that overcame him so often in the dregs?
If he wasn’t so messed up, maybe he could be better for Wylan. Maybe he could sit still with documents for more than 5 hours.
Wylan deserves better, Jesper thought, wylan deserves the world and Jesper’s just a speck of dust.
Why him of all people? What could he offer to Wylan that a much more handsome, much more competent guy couldn’t?
The only contribution he has to Wylan’s business is that he can read. And that hurt. Why didn’t Jesper have more to offer? Why couldn’t he just be competent?
It was then that he realized he was spiraling. And also that Wylan had drifted off.
This came for a very bad opportunity. But an opportunity nonetheless.
Jesper had to get out.
He had to relapse.