Work Text:
December 1964
#12 Grimmauld Place, London
Sirius Black was startled out of his room by the sound of the front door opening. As fast as his short five-year-old legs could carry him, he scuttled into the hallway to listen. It was most likely his daddy coming home. Neither of his parents went to a job—that wasn’t a concept he really understood—but his father would go shopping and bring home gifts for his mother. However, this wasn't a time he looked forward to, as he and his mother didn’t have the same taste in gifts.
It wasn’t easy to hear, so he descended several floors into the drawing room and listened at the open door to the noise downstairs. Yes, it was his daddy coming home. And a weird noise he had never heard before. Interesting…
Against his better judgment, perhaps, Sirius edged into the hallway where his daddy was standing with several shopping bags and…a live goat! Sirius's mouth dropped open because he had never seen one of these before. He wasn't scared, though, since he liked animals a lot, and they liked him.
“Where have you been, dear?” Walburga cooed as she helped Orion off with his coat.
“Knockturn Alley,” Orion replied, giving her a kiss on the cheek (Sirius stuck his tongue out). “I stopped at the Apothecary there and got some things we might need for tonight.”
Just then, Sirius’s curious expression turned to shock and then horror; he felt tears burning in the corners of his eyes. Now he knew what his parents were going to use the new animal for. They had done this before. Knowing that his daddy had been down in Knockturn Alley was enough information. He had been down there once, and he did not wish to return; he had actually started crying the first time they visited Borgin and Burkes, and that emerald ring hurt.
“SIRIUS!” Walburga screeched.
With some trepidation, Sirius crept into view, treading on the hem of his silk robes. “Yes, Mum?”
“Clean yourself up,” she snapped. “We’re having the Gaunts over for dinner.”
Sirius felt his stomach sink further at this. He didn’t like the Gaunts at all. Well, he didn’t like any of his parents’ friends, but the Gaunts were the worst.
“Yes, Mum,” he said again, his voice shaking, heading back up to his bedroom. His daddy led the goat up into the drawing room, where he tied it to an armchair, then went down into the basement kitchen and summoned their house-elf, Kreacher, to fix him something to eat. Walburga left to tend to Regulus, who had started crying again. Regulus always got more attention, though. Sirius knew his mother didn’t love him, but she did love Regulus.
When Sirius got to his room, he drew up his knees against his chest and hugged one of his throw pillows, sitting on the floor near the window. He knew the goat would die tonight, because that was what happened to animals that were brought to his house. Sirius's parents were a witch and wizard, so he knew he and his brother would be wizards as well.
But he had a problem. He didn’t like the magic that his parents did, or the rituals, or the objects they bought. They frightened him, actually, made him want to cry or even throw up. And worst of all, his parents said such bad things about the Mudbloods, that they were scum and shouldn’t be allowed to practice magic. But why, he couldn’t understand, and that was scary, too. Maybe he was…no, he couldn’t say it. He couldn’t even think it! He would be killed for sure.
Scariest of all, he knew, was that his parents wanted him to be a Dark wizard, and that he knew he was going to be one. He did have magic—he had demonstrated “accidental magic” already—so he knew that someday he would have to be a Dark wizard. Everyone he knew practiced Dark Magic; what choice did he have?
Sirius heard the goat braying from downstairs in the drawing room. Just then an idea entered his head. Maybe if he convinced the goat to escape, it could live after all! He quietly crept out of his room and down to the drawing room, trying not to make a sound.
The goat was still tied to the armchair. Sirius expected to have trouble with the knot, but for some reason it fell apart easily in his hands.
When it was freed, the goat didn’t try to run, but Sirius knew it wouldn’t. Instead, it walked towards him and nuzzled him with its head. This constantly happened with animals; Sirius liked them better than any of the humans he knew in his life. He had always felt a connection with them, and it was easy for him to get them to follow him or do what he wanted, without even trying to train them. He understood them and they understood him. They were the only friends he had.
Sirius gestured for the goat to follow him, and sure enough, it did, all the way up the stairs to his bedroom.
“My name’s Sirius,” he whispered, once they had entered his bedroom and shut the door. “Listen, you’ve got to escape. If you don’t, my daddy’s going to do something really scary to you tonight. And if he doesn’t have you, he can’t do it at all.”
The goat looked at Sirius with big, curious eyes.
“I mean it,” said Sirius. “You can stay in my room until the Gaunts get here. That’s when they’ll do the…the ritual. They’re going to drink that red stuff that makes them act all funny. But you have to run before that.
“Hmm…you know, I hate not knowing your name,” Sirius continued. “Maybe I could give you a name? Just for today? I could name you after my Uncle Alphard—Alfie, for short. Is that okay?”
The goat cocked its head, and Sirius knew it liked its new name. He gave Alfie a hug.
“SIRIUS!”
“That’s my Mum,” said Sirius, frowning. “She doesn’t like me very much.”
“SIRIUS! THE GAUNTS WILL BE HERE SOON! GET DOWN HERE!”
“I’ve got to go,” Sirius told Alfie, patting the goat’s neck. Alfie brayed affectionately. “I’ll let you know when the Gaunts are here; you have to escape before they get you, remember.”
All day long, Sirius had been feeling quite bored and lonely, as usual. He knew the Mudbloods couldn’t see their house, but he could still see and hear them. They looked like they were having fun—much more fun than he was, at the very least, trapped here as he was, day after day after day. One blonde girl in pigtails, perhaps around his age, was blowing bubbles through a bubble wand; a boy was happily playing in the mud; two other boys were tossing a ball back and forth.
“Mum, can’t I go outside and play?” Sirius asked tentatively. “I’ll come in when the Gaunts get here, I promise.”
“Certainly not,” Walburga said harshly. “Do you think I want you running around in the streets like some filthy Mudblood child?”
“But they look nice,” said Sirius. “Come on, Mum, you never let me leave this house! Mudbloods have more fun!”
“That’s because they are poorly educated, small-brained, and unworthy to study magic!” Walburga hissed.
“Why not?” said Sirius, genuinely confused. “They have magic in them, just like we do, so why shouldn't they get to—”
“Silence!” Sirius was interrupted when his mother hit him hard across the face. “Don’t let me catch you saying that ever again!”
Sirius didn’t say anything; his eyes were tearing up from the blow. But this just seemed to anger his mother further.
“Big boys,” she snapped, jabbing her wand in between his eyes, “DON’T cry. Now get!”
With a slap in the back, she sent him back up to his room to wait for the Gaunts.
…
Sirius was back up in his room, once again in the knees-to-chest position, his tender skin still stinging. He didn’t feel like coming downstairs ever again, but this wasn’t an option. His parents would want him to eat with the Gaunts, even though he wasn't hungry at all. Alfie, his goat friend, was curled up next to him on the floor, and Sirius was patting the goat’s neck, trying not to cry, remembering what his mother had told him. When he was with an animal friend, he felt less alone.
“I know why my mum hits me,” he was mumbling, as Alfie brayed sympathetically. “Why she hates me. It's because—it's because she knows. She knows what I know. She-she knows I'm—she knows…”
Sirius didn’t want to say it, because he couldn’t. But Alfie was looking at him with his big goat eyes and saying, It’s all right, you can tell me.
“She knows I’m a Mudblood, Alfie,” Sirius blurted, his throat feeling tight. “I-I mean, how could I not be? Because I know…” Tears were now falling from Sirius's striking gray eyes. “I know I don’t have the Dark Magic inside me. It doesn’t make me happy, it’s just…I don’t like it. It’s scary. And I don't know why the Mudbloods can't be our friends.
“One time my daddy brought her this rope,” Sirius continued, and at the memory of the rope, he really did start to cry. It was just too awful. “It-it strangled Mudbloods, Alfie. I-I knew it, b-because my daddy s-said so…and I-I really w-wanted to get rid of it…th-throw it away…but I knew…I knew it would strangle me!”
Sirius knew the rope was still in their house in the drawing room, and he didn’t dare touch it. His daddy said it would strangle anyone who wasn't a pureblood. It was his first memory, and one of his worst—his parents laughing and trying to decide where to put the rope, and himself, just crying in the corner.
“Don’t let them take you too, Alfie.” Sirius hugged the goat around its neck and stifled another sob. “Please leave before the Gaunts use you for their Dark Arts.”
No need to worry. I will.
“I’ll leave the door open for you,” Sirius continued, wiping tears out of his eyes. “When they call me downstairs. As soon as the foyer is empty and they’re in the dining room, you go out the front door and—and run as fast as you can.”
Sirius was sad to lose his new friend, but that was the only way Alfie could survive. His animal friends never stayed with him, anyway. Tomorrow he would be lonely again, with nothing but his mother, father, Regulus and that accursed Kreacher for company. He didn’t like being here, but unlike him, Alfie could escape.
…
It seemed like no time at all until Sirius heard the clanging bell from downstairs and his mother was screaming for him to come down to greet the guests. Apparently nobody had noticed Alfie was missing from the drawing room as of yet. Sirius had dried his tears and put on his best Black family robes. They were dark green, with the Black family crest on the front and the family motto (“Toujours Pur”) on the back. Regulus had the same ones. His father was wearing robes of solid black and a ring with the Black family crest and motto emblazoned on the front, while his mother wore an emerald-green evening gown; black opals gleamed at her neck and on her wrists, and she wore sparkling diamond earrings. Her fingernails were painted black, and her shiny dark hair was in an elaborate updo. Sirius and the other two males in his immediate family didn’t have to do a lot of work on their hair, though.
But Sirius didn’t dress up for his parents’ company because he wanted to, just because he had to. He didn’t care about dressing up because he knew that under all that glamor, all that makeup, all those jewels, his family had nothing valuable at all.
On his way to the dining room, Sirius discreetly opened the front door again. Alfie was at the top of the stairs, in the drawing room doorway, staring down. Sirius smiled sadly and waved.
I'll miss you, Alfie.
I'll miss you too, Sirius, said Alfie, as he walked down the stairs. Sirius couldn’t watch; he turned into the dining room to eat what Kreacher had cooked for the Black and Gaunt families. But he could sense that Alfie had left and heard the door swing magically shut.
Sirius's animal friend was safe. And there would be no Dark rituals tonight.
-the end-