Chapter Text
PaladinHeart471 @ LJ
Security Setting: Private
January 22, 2002
8:47 PMHello, Internet Diary. Apparently, this is cheaper and less confrontational than therapy, and yet somehow, it feels more humiliating. Thanks, Dr. Kowalczyk.
I’ve been instructed to start this because I, quote, “need an outlet for my feelings” because I guess I have a, quote, "tendency to bottle everything up inside.” Which is totally untrue and anybody would know that if they rode to and from work with me every day and got a load of the sheer amount of screaming I do. But whatever.
Actually, Dr. K. told me to write in a physical journal, but let’s be real: no way am I writing down anything remotely similar to my feelings in a physical book that M can just FIND and read. Despite what some, including M and probably Dr. K, may assume, I don’t wish death upon myself. I also don’t have any interest in having my deepest and darkest photocopied and dissected by M’s mom, the whole fiasco ultimately resulting in the biggest neighborhood scandal in the Indianapolis metro area and me ACTUALLY wanting to kill myself by leaping in front of a Mack truck.
So, no. Online journal it is. Luckily, I already had this one for joining D&D communities, making this an entirely low-effort process.
Without further ado… Where should I start? At the beginning? Sure, why not.
Once upon a time, there was a painfully average, conformist (apparently, fuck it all) 30-year-old Guy in a painfully average, conformist marriage with a less-painfully average, conformist woman named M. He had met her senior year of college at the Writing Lab where he worked, when he looked at the appointment sheet and commented on the fact that they shared the exact same MW initials.
Lo, they had dated without incident for three years before he had gotten terribly drunk alone, cried a whole bunch (SO MUCH SNOT), and then got up the next day and decided he would propose. And so it was that a week later, he did. She said yes, obviously, as two people in that situation are wont to do, and they married and moved into a house in her old Indianapolis neighborhood, three doors down from her childhood home where her parents still live.
And it came to pass that in the Year of Our Lord 2001, M decided that she wanted to have a baby. Obviously, she enlisted the help of her husband, who was less enthusiastic but not altogether opposed to the idea. There was a lot of preparation. M went off birth control and tracked her cycle. She took her temperature and shouted that it was TIME, and for months and months, Guy and his wife tried to create a child.
(Narrator’s Note: Which was a struggle due to Guy’s unreliable ability to maintain an erection and achieve orgasm during sex.)
At Christmas, in front of Guy’s entire family, M had even announced that they were “trying for a baby,” which is the WORST FUCKING THING a person could ever say at dinner, and she may as well have said, “Mr. and Mrs. W? N? H? Your son/brother is repeatedly blowing his load inside me in hopes that his little swimmers will fertilize my egg. Like, every time he ejaculates whenever I’m ovulating, I make sure he puts it up my vagina. Merry Christmas and God bless!”
(Narrator’s Note: God bless us, every one. Did I say I wasn’t suicidal? Well.)
Anyway, alas, it was suddenly New Year’s. Guy was out of work for the entire week because the college where he teaches was still on break. M went in early to her job as a realtor. Guy sat down before the state-of-the-art Dell computer in their study and played his favorite game, Morrowind, for hours.
Nearing lunchtime, he connected to the internet in order to do some background character research when, unexpectedly, he found himself embarking on a different journey entirely. Before he knew it, he had input “gay sex” into a search engine and was scrolling a website containing photographs of men giving each other head.
Alas and alack, what’s a man to do? He proceeded to masturbate, and his wife proceeded to return home and open the study door on him, and from that moment forward, his life was pure misery.
M screamed at him, cried, called him all sorts of names, and told her mother, who did the same and suggested she divorce him. Guy tried his best to tell her it was an accident, he’d clicked a bad pop-up, it wasn’t what she thought, and ultimately literally hyperventilated and begged, “Please don’t tell anybody else, please, please, please.” It was humiliating. He felt approximately two inches tall.
After a week, his wife eventually accepted his apology and tried to act normal but no longer looked at him. She went back on birth control because she thought, quote, “all the unsuccessful trying was getting to them.” Upon her request, Guy made an appointment with a doctor to quote, “sort out his mental problems.” He was asked endless invasive questions and placed on 100 mg of sertraline, up from 50 mg. His paperwork read: Symptoms consistent with exacerbation of previously diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder, likely influenced by current life circumstances. Recommend initiation of individual psychotherapy to address coping strategies, emotional regulation, and stress management.
As fate would have it, at home, M read his copy of the file and proceeded to argue with him over his “current life circumstances” and what he had told the doctor. She wondered if Guy had blamed his anxiety on her. She wondered if the reason he jerked off to gay porn was because she wasn’t fulfilling him in some way. Did he have kinks he wanted to explore? Was there something she could do for him? Guy hugged her and told her she was perfect and that he was stressed from work. M told him she loved him and wanted him back to his old self because he used to be so fun. Guy apologized for not being fun anymore.
And they lived unhappily ever after. The end.
I know what you’re wondering, dear Internet Diary. You’re wondering, “Is Guy a certifiable homosexual?”
And to that, I say: who the fuck knows.
I’ve never touched a dude. Never pursued a dude. I’ve only ever been with women and haven’t ever had any non-medication-related problems getting stuff to work during sex. I think my wife is beautiful. I have gone through periods in my life of liking and loving her tremendously.
But when I masturbate, I think about sweaty necks and backs and body hair and hot skin and I don’t really know what any of that means.
Mostly, I think that it doesn’t really matter that much. I’m okay. Well, I was. WE were. Things worked how they needed to when it was strictly necessary, even if it took longer than it probably should. (Ever gotten chafed from fucking, Internet Diary? Guess not.)
The bottom line is that with the exception of the blip a few weeks ago, I’m basically living the American Dream. I make a decent living. So does M. We have a house with a literal white picket fence. We’ll have a few kids one day, if the biology works out. It’s easy and normal.
Am I happy? Sometimes. Generally? Probably not. But that doesn’t feel like it’s in the cards, and that’s okay.
I think about my high school self a lot. He would hate me so fucking much. I’ve become such a boring Guy, and he would bristle at the thought. He would wonder why the hell I let conformity shoot me right between the eyes.
But the thing is: he wouldn’t get it. He wouldn’t understand how easy it is to end up like this. High school me thought I’d be cool as fuck in my uncoolness, that I’d play D&D in theatrical dungeon sets with my friends, that I’d go to bars and see rock bands, that I’d write fantasy fiction novels and that W would illustrate them and I’d love all the awesome shit that comes along with being my own person who sticks it to The Man and doesn’t dare to fit in.
High school me didn’t understand that there are a million tiny micro-decisions every single day that lead you down one path or another. He didn’t realize how easy it is for the bravest of knights to turn cowardly. He had no idea that sometimes, you’ll travel so far down a road that it simply isn’t worth it to turn back.
Aren’t I a fucking ray of sunshine?
I did write a book in ‘95. It was called The Starless Kingdom, and it was about a young, naive knight who must save a once-bright kingdom suddenly devoid of light and magic. I shopped it around for the better part of a year, and it eventually got picked up by a small publishing house and released into the big, bad world. I think approximately 24 people read it? I’ll just say I was humbled by it. I got my master’s degree, instead, and threw away my dreams of being the Next Great American Fantasy Writer and became the Next Young Creative Writing Instructor at North Meridian College. Again: micro-decisions, paths, roads, not turning back.
Some shit just isn’t in the cards. That’s life.
Well. There you have it. It’s getting late. M has begun coming into the study at random points with some excuse or another. Do I want a drink? Am I tired yet? Do I want to watch a movie with her? Obviously, she’s checking to see if my hand is down my pants and if there are pictures of dudes getting it up the butt on the computer screen.
Internet Diary, I’m fucking tired.
Sincerely,
Guy
Wednesday, January 23, 2002
1:04 PM
From: Dustin Henderson
To: Mike Wheeler, Lucas Sinclair, Max Sinclair, Will Byers
Subject: PARTY SUMMONS (MANDATORY)Greetings:
You are hereby summoned to a MANDATORY Hawkins Party Veterans meeting of the minds FRIDAY NIGHT at 8:00 PM EST via AOL Instant Messenger. Come early if you can. Snacks and drinks optional but strongly encouraged.
It has been far too long. RSVP if you wish. If there are any issues you may send your excuses, however they will likely be rejected on account of my disbelief that anything could be more important.
Peace and love,
Dustin
Thursday, January 24, 2002
3:17 PM
From: Mike Wheeler
To: Dustin Henderson
Subject: RE: PARTY SUMMONS (MANDATORY)I’ll be there. Who has RSVP’d so far?
Thursday, January 24, 2002
3:56 PM
From: Dustin Henderson
To: Mike Wheeler
Subject: RE: RE: PARTY SUMMONS (MANDATORY)Hi hello-
Just you so far but EVERYBODY should be there, provided they follow instructions (unlikely) but I am as always optimistic.
Thursday, January 24, 2002
9:02 PM
From: Mike Wheeler
To: Dustin Henderson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: PARTY SUMMONS (MANDATORY)Even Will? Lol
Friday, January 25, 2002
7:21 AM
From: Dustin Henderson
To: Mike Wheeler
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: PARTY SUMMONS (MANDATORY)I’ve been emailing with him this week and he said he could get on tonight at 8 so I kind of built this whole thing around that.
But….we shall see!!!
Friday, January 25, 2002
9:14 AM
From: Mike Wheeler
To: Dustin Henderson
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: PARTY SUMMONS (MANDATORY)Ok cool. So we shall.
See you at 8.
Instructor: Michael J. Wheeler
Institution: North Meridian College
Course: ENG 214: Introduction to Creative Writing
Date: Friday, January 25, 2002
Lesson: Truth vs Logic: Why Characters Do Irrational Things
Objectives:
By the end of today’s class, students should be able to:
-Identify emotional motivations behind character decisions
-Understand that “logical” decisions are often overridden by emotional authenticity
-Consider how flawed thinking can still feel believable to readers
-Develop emotionally authentic characters in their own writing
EQ:
Why do characters often make illogical decisions, and why do readers still care about them?
Lecture Points:
-Fiction relies on emotional authenticity rather than perfect logic.
-Readers forgive irrational decisions if the emotion behind them feels real.
-Love, fear, shame, jealousy, loneliness = powerful motivators.
-A character in love, for example, will often practice socially-unacceptable behavior and make decisions that outsiders recognize as mistakes. This same character may be loved and “rooted for” because their emotions ring true.
Activities:
-Warm-Up Freewrite (5 min)
-Mini Lecture (10 min)
-Writing Exercise (20 min): Write a short paragraph about a character who knows something is wrong (according to logic, tradition, etc.) and yet chooses to do it, anyway. Focus on what emotion stops them from choosing the logical solution and what they tell themselves to justify their decision.
-Workshop (15 min)
PaladinHeart471 @ LJ
Security Setting: Private
January 25, 2002
7:02 PMHello, Internet Diary.
How has my week gone? Thanks for asking. It’s been boring but fine. I graded a bunch of flash fiction stories last night that made my eyes bleed and stayed up until 1 AM redoing my entire lesson plan for today to focus on authenticity and character motivation. I’ve been looking over the paragraphs I’ve had them write for the past hour. My brain is starting to melt.
I also think I fucked up the slow repair happening between M and I. We had dinner. She told me I looked tired, and I told her I was. I got up to go to the study, and she stopped me and asked if I wanted her to, quote, “take care of me first.” She started rubbing me through my pants and was obviously offering to blow me. Objectively, I should’ve let her. I’d been thinking about it since Monday -- how I’d let her initiate sex one day, and I’d make it really good, and we’d talk about when we’d start trying for a baby again, blah, blah, blah. Super glue to mend the crack.
And then, when it actually came to pass, I told her “no thanks” and closed myself up in the study. Fuck me. How hard would it have been to close my eyes, think of England, and then, I dunno, return the favor on the kitchen table afterward? Now, she’s probably talking to her mom on the phone about me.
Plus, to say I’m sexually frustrated is the understatement of the century. I haven’t had an orgasm in literally four weeks. My dick’s gonna fall off.
Guy, why don’t you masturbate, you ask? Well, Internet Diary, here’s the thing: it takes me a minute. It’s actually really great that I can get there at all considering the SSRI, but there is the effort situation and the fact that I need to be a) incredibly turned on, b) allowed the time, and c) relaxed and at least moderately happy. For me, there’s no such thing as rubbing one out in three minutes like I could do when I was twenty. It’s a ten to twenty minute job, and I’ve got to be feeling good besides, and listen, ID: that hasn’t happened since The Incident. I’m stressed or I’m tired or I’m too fucking worried M’s going to burst into the room and ask me why the hell I didn’t have her do it for me and what was I even thinking about, anyway? Dudes?
So, yeah. I’m horny in this way that makes me irritated, and yet I’m stupid enough to not let my wife suck my dick. Ultimately, I’ve probably gone and made my life worse. Fantastic.
At least I have one thing to look forward to this evening: we’re getting the band back together!!! Or the Party. From my hometown.
(Note: ID, that’s such a huge thing that I’m not even going to begin to explain for various reasons, so you’re just going to have to roll with it.)
D emailed us earlier in the week about doing an AIM chat at 8:00. We’ve done them before, but it’s been a long time since it was properly all of us: D, L, X*, W, and me.
*Technically also M, but for clarity’s sake…
One of the first, hard-hitting truths I had to learn after high school is that life passes on whether you’re ready for it or not. Keeping in touch is fucking hard.
We all went our separate ways: me to IU Bloomington, W to SAIC, D to Duke, and L to Rose-Hulman, X moving with him to Terre Haute and finding out she’s really into auto mechanics.
For a while, we kept in touch. We visited each other’s schools when our breaks didn’t align, we spent summers and holidays together in our hometown. But eventually, around junior year, we started to fall apart as people do.
D got an off-campus apartment in the Research Triangle, so he didn’t come back to Indiana very often. L and X rented a house in Terre Haute and basically became a married couple. Me and W stuck together for a while, even after college. We’d been best friends since the age of 5, so I guess our glue was a little slower to come unstuck.
But it did, eventually. I had M in Indianapolis, and W moved in with this guy he’d been dating in Chicago, and we just slowly stopped seeing each other so often. It wasn’t a big thing. Nobody was mad, there was no argument or really even any sort of conversation. But it fucking hurt. Bad, actually. I went to THERAPY because M thought I was having some sort of quarter-life crisis thing.
It’s embarrassing. I dunno. I guess W was just like, this CONSTANT, you know, and I really loved him more than anybody in the world for a while there, and it was just hard. He was always the friend that I felt “got” me the most, and I, him. And then in college, we had this special bond because we wrote to each other, and we had this THING where I’d send him stupid comics I’d written, and he’d send them back with the illustrations done, and it was all really fun and sweet. Then we were both in our first real, adult relationships at the same time, and we used to talk about all that stuff. Dating and sex and what to buy our partners and whatnot. It was nice.
I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?
Seriously. Does anyone? I remember watching Stand by Me with M soon after I realized me and W weren’t close anymore, and I basically lost my shit crying. She said something like, “Maybe it’s because I’m not a man, but I don’t think I get what’s so sad?” and I started laughing WHILE crying, and she looked at me like she was having second thoughts about wanting to marry me. That fucked with me for a while, if I’m honest.
ID, I promise I’m not actually insane. But wouldn’t it fuck YOU up if the person you were planning to spend the rest of your life with didn’t understand why Stand by Me would make a man weep?
To make matters worse, I remember thinking, “W would totally get this. W would be crying with me,” and I felt a little sick. Worried, too, you know.
Once again, you may ask: “Guy, are you SURE you’re not a certifiable homosexual?”
And again, I say: who the fuck knows.
Anyway, losing W to growing older basically killed me. You get it.
I haven’t seen him in person since my wedding almost 3 years ago. Same with the others, really. But at least I chat with D, L, and X on AIM occasionally. W’s almost never online.
I get that. He’s busy being semi-famous (to indie comic book nerds) in Chicago. He probably has a rich, full life. I’m totally happy for him. I do miss him, though.
D says he’ll be in the group chat tonight. I hope so, but I’ll believe it when I see it. Last time we did this, he didn’t show and then proceeded to send us all profuse apologies via email. He had a deadline, he was behind, etc.
We’ll see. I’ll let you know, ID.
Guess I should go make an appearance for M before the Party chat starts. And if she tries to blow me again, I should probably let her.
I’ll let you know about that, too.
Sincerely,
Guy
FRI., JAN. 25 – 7:57 PM
Online
cerebro_dust
LSinclairConsulting
madmax_sinclair
wbyers_art
HydraSlayer77
DragonKeepAdmin
Offline
MagzWheeler_RealEstate
NancyReports
hollywheels
DungeonProf68
IndyLitDept
RogueScholar
MapMakerTom
cerebro_dust: Okay hold on don’t say anything yet, I’m adding people
cerebro_dust: If this crashes I’m blaming you in advance
PaladinMW: WTF?
cerebro_dust: I explicitly told you not to say anything
PaladinMW: Sorry
cerebro_dust: You are still saying things HUSH
LSinclairConsulting has joined the chat.
madmax_sinclair has joined the chat.cerebro_dust: Okay. Okay. I think it worked??
cerebro_dust: Hello?? Roll call?
LSinclairConsulting: I’m here
madmax_sinclair: wow
PaladinMW: Hey
cerebro_dust: Okay we’re missing one but he has been invited and I was promised 8pm arrival so everyone be cool
madmax_sinclair: nobody in this chat is capable of being cool
LSinclairConsulting: Speak for yourself
madmax_sinclair: i am married to you and can attest that you are not capable of being cool
LSinclairConsulting: I’m the coolest one here
cerebro_dust: absolutely not
PaladinMW: Dustin, you can’t be serious
wbyers_art has joined the chat.cerebro_dust: WAIT
cerebro_dust: WAIT WAIT WAIT
wbyers_art: hi
cerebro_dust: HE LIVES
madmax_sinclair: oh my god
LSinclairConsulting: Look who it is
PaladinMW: Hey!
wbyers_art: hey
wbyers_art: sorry, it took me a second to figure out how to join the group chat
madmax_sinclair: will what the hell it’s been like 84 years
wbyers_art: it’s been a while
LSinclairConsulting: Good to see you man
wbyers_art: you too
PaladinMW: Yeah Will, it’s good to see you 😀
madmax_sinclair: wow everyone’s being so cool about this
cerebro_dust: I for one am extremely cool at all times
madmax_sinclair: you literally yelled when he logged on
cerebro_dust: That was excitement
PaladinMW: So what’s everyone been up to?
madmax_sinclair: oh my god where do you even start with that
LSinclairConsulting: Work mostly
madmax_sinclair: understatement of the year
LSinclairConsulting: It’s true though
madmax_sinclair: lucas has a whole Important Job now
cerebro_dust: Yes yes Mr. Sinclair Consulting over here
LSinclairConsulting: It’s just project management, nothing crazy
madmax_sinclair: he says, managing like twelve people and acting like he doesn’t love it
LSinclairConsulting: I don’t love it
madmax_sinclair: you love it
LSinclairConsulting: I tolerate it professionally
cerebro_dust: He loves it
madmax_sinclair: anyway we’re in terre haute still, same neighborhood, same bullshit, different house
madmax_sinclair: and uh
madmax_sinclair: surprise i guess
PaladinMW: ?
wbyers_art: what is it?
cerebro_dust: SPILL
LSinclairConsulting: Max
madmax_sinclair: what
LSinclairConsulting: Just say it!
madmax_sinclair: i am pregnant okay there
cerebro_dust: WAIT WHAT
LSinclairConsulting: 3 months!!
PaladinMW: Oh wow
PaladinMW: Congrats!
wbyers_art: yeah, congrats :-D
madmax_sinclair: thanks :)
cerebro_dust: This is monumental
cerebro_dust: Do we know what it is yet
LSinclairConsulting: No
madmax_sinclair: presumably a human baby
madmax_sinclair: but we’re not finding out the sex
cerebro_dust: Respect
LSinclairConsulting: Figured we’d be surprised
madmax_sinclair: also it doesn’t matter, it’s currently a weird little alien thing absorbing nutrients from my body
LSinclairConsulting: That we love very much
madmax_sinclair: obviously
LSinclairConsulting: Dustin this also means you can’t send us themed baby clothes yet
cerebro_dust: I’m still buying the human infant themed things and you can’t stop me. Last I checked themed has no gender!
cerebro_dust: We’re talking space themed blankets, dragon onesies, alphabet blocks but all fantasy runes instead of letters
madmax_sinclair: jesus
wbyers_art: or neutral wizard gear :-)
PaladinMW: Wizard baby
wbyers_art: tiny hat
madmax_sinclair: oh my god why is that cute
LSinclairConsulting: Absolutely tiny hat
madmax_sinclair: will i want you to knit the tiny hat
wbyers_art: lol max i don’t know how to knit
madmax_sinclair: you have approximately six months to learn
wbyers_art: lol
wbyers_art: though i appreciate your faith in me, will store bought do?
madmax_sinclair: i suppose
wbyers_art: i’m on it
wbyers_art: one neutral wizard hat coming up
madmax_sinclair: ty
wbyers_art: yw
cerebro_dust: I for one am offended I wasn’t asked to knit the hat
PaladinMW: Dude you also don’t know how to knit
cerebro_dust: I WOULD LEARN
PaladinMW: Plus Will is literally Will the Wise. By ancient law, he has natural claim to all wizard-themed gifts.
wbyers_art: thanks, mike :-)
cerebro_dust: BAH this is blatant wizard favoritism
PaladinMW: It's not favoritism! It’s precedent!
PaladinMW: Established lore!
cerebro_dust: Cite your sources Paladin
PaladinMW: The Very Extremely Unbelievably Official Book of Ancient Law, Chapter One: William Jacob “Will the Wise” Byers Shall Hereby Have Natural Claim to All Wizard-Themed Gear Including Human Infant Hats, So Sayeth the Lord
wbyers_art: wow mike
cerebro_dust: Long ass chapter title
PaladinMW: I don't make the rules, I merely enforce them.
wbyers_art: so sayeth the lord
cerebro_dust: Objection your honor
LSinclairConsulting: Oh boy
cerebro_dust: That statute is clearly outdated and fails to account for secondary claimants
PaladinMW: Secondary claimants are not recognized under ancient law.
wbyers_art: precedent is very clear on this
cerebro_dust: I demand to see precedent
PaladinMW: Case of Wheeler v. Henderson, circa 1985, basement jurisdiction
wbyers_art: ruling upheld unanimously
LSinclairConsulting: I was present for that ruling actually
madmax_sinclair: oh my god why do you all remember this stuff
cerebro_dust: THIS COURT IS RIGGED
PaladinMW: Motion to dismiss on grounds of excessive whining.
wbyers_art: seconded
LSinclairConsulting: thirded
madmax_sinclair: fourthed please end this
PaladinMW: Motion carries.
cerebro_dust: I will be filing an appeal!!!!!
wbyers_art: appeal denied, so sayeth the lord
PaladinMW: Wizard hats remain under sole jurisdiction of Will the Wise.
wbyers_art: as is proper
cerebro_dust: Unbelievable betrayal from all parties involved
cerebro_dust: I am AGHAST
madmax_sinclair: you are all unbelievable
PaladinMW: Thank you!
madmax_sinclair: not a compliment!
wbyers_art: but max, future wizard baby deserves proper legal representation
wbyers_art: surely you agree ;-)
madmax_sinclair: i hate that you’re making this sound logical
madmax_sinclair: fine whatever the baby can have one stupid wizard thing
madmax_sinclair: one singular tiny wizard hat from will
cerebro_dust: BOO
wbyers_art: yay
LSinclairConsulting: Court adjourned
madmax_sinclair: thank god
wbyers_art: i AM really happy for you. you’ll be great parents. :-)
PaladinMW: Yeah, I agree
cerebro_dust: samesies
LSinclairConsulting: Thanks guys
madmax_sinclair: how hard can it be? have you seen some of the people we went to hs with who got pregnant after graduation? they’ve managed to keep their rugrats alive thus far so i think my chances are pretty decent
LSinclairConsulting: Plus you have a loving and attentive husband ready to help out
madmax_sinclair: gross
madmax_sinclair: but true
madmax_sinclair: but also let’s stop talking about what’s in my uterus (and ancient wizard law holy shit) and move on please
wbyers_art: :-)
PaladinMW: Lol
madmax_sinclair: who’s next? dustybun tell us about your robot army
cerebro_dust: After that most disappointing ruling I don’t know if I can muster the energy
PaladinMW: Come on, dude
cerebro_dust: Le sigh…
cerebro_dust: fine
cerebro_dust: First of all it’s not an army (yet)
cerebro_dust: but I am working on a robotic arm at work that can do like insanely precise movement for surgical stuff
PaladinMW: Tell them its name, Dustin.
cerebro_dust: FLEXcalibur
madmax_sinclair: jesus
wbyers_art: lol
cerebro_dust: I spent two hours today trying to get it to pick up a grape without obliterating it
madmax_sinclair: and
cerebro_dust: The grape didn’t survive
LSinclairConsulting: Tragic
madmax_sinclair: thoughts and prayers
wbyers_art: that sounds really hard actually
PaladinMW: Yeah, it does
cerebro_dust: THANK YOU. It is!!
cerebro_dust: grapes are unstable
PaladinMW: Famously unreliable fruit.
wbyers_art: unpredictable
PaladinMW: You never know what they’re gonna do next!
wbyers_art: lots of secrets
cerebro_dust: Exactly!!
cerebro_dust: also I know you’re making fun of me SHUT UP
wbyers_art: lol
cerebro_dust: also in other big news: I’m seeing someone
madmax_sinclair: ????
LSinclairConsulting: Here we go
wbyers_art: oh yeah?
PaladinMW: Nice
cerebro_dust: Her name is Veda, we met at this board game cafe place
madmax_sinclair: oh my god
cerebro_dust: She beat me at Settlers of Catan which I’m still processing
PaladinMW: That’s rough.
wbyers_art: yeah, i don’t know if you can ever recover from that
PaladinMW: You must be devastated.
cerebro_dust: I AM devastated (also I am holding up both middle fingers right now)
wbyers_art: lol
cerebro_dust: Anyways it’s been like a month, we’ll see, I’m optimistic
PaladinMW: That’s great, though.
wbyers_art: yeah that’s really good
madmax_sinclair: wow growth
cerebro_dust: Thank you, thank you
cerebro_dust: Will what about you, still doing your thing?
wbyers_art: yeah
wbyers_art: still working on the series
wbyers_art: it’s good
wbyers_art: busy but good
PaladinMW:: His “thing” is literally the coolest job here, btw.
wbyers_art: :-) it’s just work
LSinclairConsulting: It’s not just work
cerebro_dust: Objectively not
PaladinMW: Are you still doing most of the art by hand or digital now?
wbyers_art: mix of both
wbyers_art: depends on the issue
PaladinMW: That’s cool
wbyers_art: it’s a lot, but i like it :-)
PaladinMW: 🙂
cerebro_dust: Okay Mike your turn, tell the class what’s going on in Indianapolis
PaladinMW: Not much, honestly.
PaladinMW: Still teaching
madmax_sinclair: do your students still hate you
PaladinMW: They love me, actually.
LSinclairConsulting: Sure they do
wbyers_art: i feel like they probably do
PaladinMW: Thank you, Will. You always were wise.
wbyers_art: do you still teach the same classes?
PaladinMW: Yep
PaladinMW: Creative writing and fiction workshops, mostly.
PaladinMW: I graded a bunch of flash fiction yesterday, and it was…bad.
cerebro_dust: You love that though
PaladinMW: I do
PaladinMW: I don’t know. It’s good, I like it.
madmax_sinclair: how’s married life treating you
PaladinMW: Fine
cerebro_dust: Suspiciously short answer…..
PaladinMW: Lol it’s good.
PaladinMW: Maggie’s busy with real estate stuff all the time now.
LSinclairConsulting: Market’s been crazy lately
PaladinMW: Yeah.
PaladinMW: She’s good, though.
PaladinMW: We’re good.
wbyers_art: that’s good
LSinclairConsulting: Yeah glad to hear it
wbyers_art: are you still writing at all?
PaladinMW: Not really?
PaladinMW: A little here and there.
wbyers_art: you should! you’re great at it.
PaladinMW: Thanks, Will.
madmax_sinclair: what about nerd stuff, you still doing your campaigns
PaladinMW: Online, mostly
PaladinMW: And I’ve been playing Morrowind a lot.
cerebro_dust: YES
cerebro_dust: Okay I need to talk to you about that because I just started and I have questions
wbyers_art: i’ve heard that’s good
PaladinMW: It’s really good.
PaladinMW: Like stupidly detailed
wbyers_art: i might try it
PaladinMW: You should!
madmax_sinclair: i haven’t touched d&d since high school and i’m fine
cerebro_dust: Incorrect but okay (also Morrowind is a platform RPG but I digress)
wbyers_art: i haven’t played d&d in a long time either, max
cerebro_dust: We should totally fix that
wbyers_art: yeah
wbyers_art: i’d like that
PaladinMW: We could do something online, maybe?
cerebro_dust: Oh we are absolutely doing something, I’ll organize it
madmax_sinclair: of course you will
LSinclairConsulting: I’m in
madmax_sinclair: i play the sims now, that’s enough for me
PaladinMW: Life simulators are cool.
madmax_sinclair: thank you
LSinclairConsulting: She kills them sometimes
LSinclairConsulting: I caught her putting a bunch of them in the pool and removing the ladders
wbyers_art: lol max
madmax_sinclair: what? it’s better that than committing real life murder
wbyers_art: i guess :-P
LSinclairConsulting: FYI she also names them after people she knows
LSinclairConsulting: And kills them
madmax_sinclair: like i said…
cerebro_dust: I for one don’t trust anyone who treats simulated people like disposable lab rats
madmax_sinclair: says the larper
madmax_sinclair: as if drowning entirely fake people in a computer game can even hold a candle to some of the weird shit you pretend to do in real life
cerebro_dust: LARPing is community building, thank you!
PaladinMW: In Max’s defense, you did say you once fake-poisoned an entire village.
cerebro_dust: No comment
wbyers_art: lol what? context?
cerebro_dust: live-action medieval scenario, circa ‘99, totally rules compliant I promise
LSinclairConsulting: You said you dumped a bag of flour in the town square and said it was plague ash
madmax_sinclair: oh my god
wbyers_art: that actually sounds kind of amazing
PaladinMW: Will, good men encouraging this clearly deranged behavior is exactly how civilization collapses.
wbyers_art: i appreciate commitment to a bit :-)
cerebro_dust: Thanks Will!
LSinclairConsulting: He said half the “town” had to roleplay dying for like ten minutes
madmax_sinclair: yeah see this is why i maintain the sims is the superior game
madmax_sinclair: no cleanup required
madmax_sinclair: plus unlike the larper here, no actual real life humans have seen me do this in public, in broad daylight
LSinclairConsulting: Besides me
madmax_sinclair: husbands don’t count
PaladinMW: Ouch lol
madmax_sinclair: also, it’s art
madmax_sinclair: i control their lives
madmax_sinclair: i build houses and pools
madmax_sinclair: i trap them inside those houses and pools
madmax_sinclair: they die
madmax_sinclair: it’s beautiful
wbyers_art: and sociopathic, but i respect your artistry
LSinclairConsulting: Last week she built a mansion with no doors
madmax_sinclair: they had windows
PaladinMW: I’m pretty sure that doesn’t help?
madmax_sinclair: listen sometimes after work i just want to ruin tiny digital lives
LSinclairConsulting: Stress relief apparently
PaladinMW: I get that.
PaladinMW: Grading papers makes me want to do the same sometimes.
madmax_sinclair: the sims is calling your name
PaladinMW: I already play enough Morrowind to destroy my sleep schedule.
PaladinMW: I built Tel Uvirith Wednesday night.
cerebro_dust: Oooh
madmax_sinclair: whatever the fuck that is
madmax_sinclair: you can build all your weird nerd shit in the sims but to the tunes of relaxing piano music
wbyers_art: honestly i think i’d like that.
madmax_sinclair: aww will, you would absolutely build pretty houses and never kill anyone
wbyers_art: lol probably true
cerebro_dust: Will would decorate and make them emotionally stable
PaladinMW: And afterwards, Max would drown them in the backyard.
madmax_sinclair: their fault
LSinclairConsulting: I’m still not convinced she hasn’t made sims of all of us
madmax_sinclair: no comment
PaladinMW: Am I alive in this simulation?
madmax_sinclair: depends on how annoying you were the last time we spoke
wbyers_art: mike definitely gets locked in a room with no door
PaladinMW: Betrayal from Will the Wise???
wbyers_art: sorry mike :-P
cerebro_dust: I would like to officially request immunity from drowning
madmax_sinclair: denied
LSinclairConsulting: Anyway before this turns into a murder confession
LSinclairConsulting: What fun Chicago stuff have you been doing lately Will
wbyers_art: lmao
madmax_sinclair: hard pivot
LSinclairConsulting: I have to protect my wife and unborn child
cerebro_dust: From digital homicide charges
madmax_sinclair: wow dramatic
LSinclairConsulting: Will?
wbyers_art: lol okay. well…
wbyers_art: i’ve mostly just been going to shows when i can
PaladinMW: Like what kind?
wbyers_art: smaller stuff mostly
wbyers_art: local bands, basement venues, that kind of thing
wbyers_art: some touring indie punk bands when they come through chicago
PaladinMW: Sounds fun 🙂
wbyers_art: yeah, it’s nice
LSinclairConsulting: Chicago actually has a pretty solid scene for that right?
wbyers_art: yeah, way more than i expected tbh
wbyers_art: like there’s always something going on if you look for it
wbyers_art: you just kind of end up in weird little rooms with 30 people and a band that’s either incredible or actively falling apart
LSinclairConsulting: I’m glad you’re getting out Will
LSinclairConsulting: Honestly can’t say the same most of the time
madmax_sinclair: work sucks
PaladinMW: Co-signed
wbyers_art: it’s easy to just stay in and work all the time
wbyers_art: but then you forget there are like people outside lol
PaladinMW: That feels targeted.
cerebro_dust: Mike “I have grading induced social isolation” Wheeler
PaladinMW: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
PaladinMW: I see plenty of people
LSinclairConsulting: The people are his students
PaladinMW: And my wife??
PaladinMW: But yeah, okay. True.
wbyers_art: then i’m glad we’re doing this :-)
wbyers_art: sorry i’m usually MIA, i don’t mean to be
PaladinMW: I can imagine it’s hard work being Lead Illustrator for a Beloved Young Adult Comic Series.
LSinclairConsulting: You forgot “Eisner Award Winning”
PaladinMW: My apologies: I can imagine it’s hard work being an Eisner Award Winning Lead Illustrator for a Beloved Young Adult Comic Series.
wbyers_artist: lol come on
madmax_sinclair: it’s true though, you’re kind of a big deal now, gross
wbyers_art: :-/
PaladinMW: He’s a huge deal.
wbyers_art: ok ok no more
cerebro_dust: The hugest
wbyers_art: ugh
cerebro_dust: Ahhh this is good. I love you guys.
LSinclairConsulting: Yeah same. We should probably not let another full year go by before talking again.
madmax_sinclair: especially since apparently we all still exist and are doing things
PaladinMW: I vote we do this more often
PaladinMW: It feels weirdly important? Especially now, when there are like, REAL THINGS happening.
cerebro_dust: As opposed to the non-real things that have happened over the past five years of us barely keeping touch?
PaladinMW: You know what I mean.
PaladinMW: We’re 30, now. Life is happening. We need each other.
madmax_sinclair: eew
cerebro_dust: Mike Wheeler being the emotional anchor of the group was not on my 2002 bingo card but here we are
PaladinMW: Shut up
wbyers_art: he always has been, dustin
LSinclairConsulting: Mike isn’t wrong
madmax_sinclair: unfortunately
wbyers_art: yeah
wbyers_art: i like hearing from everyone
cerebro_dust: We should meet up in person at some point, it’s been goddamn ages!
LSinclairConsulting: Come see the baby once it’s born
LSinclairConsulting: Max is due July 9
wbyers_art: i’d like that :-)
PaladinMW: Me too
cerebro_dust: same
wbyers_art: i’ll bring the tiny wizard hat
cerebro_dust: And I’ll bring some other entirely gender neutral themed item
madmax_sinclair: of course you will
cerebro_dust: This is all so terribly exciting
cerebro_dust: I missed this
cerebro_dust: But before I get too sentimental and ruin my brand….
cerebro_dust: I unfortunately have to step away for like twenty minutes, don’t go anywhere
LSinclairConsulting: Sorry Dustin, I actually might head out soon, early morning
madmax_sinclair: same
madmax_sinclair: nutrient-leech apparently requires rest or whatever
cerebro_dust: Valid but disappointing
LSinclairConsulting: Good talking with you guys though
madmax_sinclair: yeah seriously, we should do this more
cerebro_dust: Yes we should
wbyers_art: yeah
PaladinMW: We should
LSinclairConsulting: Night
madmax_sinclair: adios nerds
cerebro_dust: Night you two, go be responsible adults or whatever
cerebro_dust: Congrats again seriously, that’s huge
LSinclairConsulting: Thanks man
madmax_sinclair: thanks :)
wbyers_art: night
PaladinMW: Later
LSinclairConsulting has signed off
madmax_sinclair has signed offcerebro_dust: Okay I’m gonna run for a bit but I will be back
cerebro_dust: If you two disappear before I get back, rude, but also goodbye in advance
cerebro_dust: we’re doing this again though, no excuses, check your emails I’ll follow up expeditiously
cerebro_dust: And I’m setting up that online D&D thing. There has to be a server for that right??
PaladinMW: Yup. I’ve done a few campaigns with strangers. I’ll send you the link.
cerebro_dust: You good to DM like old times?
PaladinMW: Hell yeah
wbyers_art: yay :-D
cerebro_dust: Agreed
cerebro_dust: Also Mike, we have to talk about Morrowind SOON
PaladinMW: Got it
cerebro_dust: Okay brb boys, don’t vanish into the void
wbyers_art: lol bye dustin
cerebro_dust has signed offwbyers_art: you still there, mike?
PaladinMW: I’m still here. Hey.
wbyers_art: :-P hi
wbyers_art: so
wbyers_art: it’s been a while
PaladinMW: Yeah
PaladinMW: It has.
wbyers_art: i feel like i should say something more profound than that, but i don’t have anything
PaladinMW: No, that pretty much covers it.
wbyers_art: lol
PaladinMW: How long has it actually been?
wbyers_art: i don’t know
wbyers_art: almost a year probably? last march, i think. it was right after you and maggie’s anniversary.
PaladinMW: Yeah, that sounds right.
wbyers_art: sorry
PaladinMW: For what?
wbyers_art: just disappearing, i guess
PaladinMW: No, it’s fine. I could’ve reached out too.
wbyers_art: life just kind of happens, huh?
PaladinMW: Indeed, it does.
wbyers_art: it’s good to talk though
PaladinMW: Really good
wbyers_art: so how are you actually?
PaladinMW: Like, ACTUALLY actually?
wbyers_art: yeah, actually actually
PaladinMW: I don’t know, to be honest?
PaladinMW: I’m okay
PaladinMW: Tired, mostly
wbyers_art: yeah?
PaladinMW: Yeah
PaladinMW: Work’s good, though.
PaladinMW: I like teaching
wbyers_art: i figured you would
wbyers_art: you’re good at explaining things
PaladinMW: Am I?
wbyers_art: i don’t know if you’ve changed in the last five or so years, but you always were
PaladinMW: Huh. Thanks!
wbyers_art: what about outside of work? other than morrowind. what do you do for fun?
PaladinMW: Not much, honestly.
PaladinMW: Reading
PaladinMW: Games
PaladinMW: Normal stuff, I guess?
wbyers_art: still reading a lot?
PaladinMW: Yeah, mostly fantasy and sci-fi.
wbyers_art: some things never change ;-)
PaladinMW: Some things don’t. 🙂 What about you?
PaladinMW: ACTUALLY actually
wbyers_art: pretty similar, i guess
wbyers_art: work takes up most of my time
wbyers_art: like i said earlier, i go to shows when i can
wbyers_art: draw a lot, stuff for the comic and not
PaladinMW: Your stuff for the comic is great, btw!
PaladinMW: I’ve picked up a few issues.
wbyers_art: really?
PaladinMW: Of course.
PaladinMW: Sunfall & The Wandering Spellweaver, Illustrated by William Byers 😉
wbyers_art: lol yeah
PaladinMW: It’s really good!
PaladinMW: Like, ACTUALLY actually.
PaladinMW: The art’s insane
wbyers_art: wow, thanks
wbyers_art: that means a lot! :-)
PaladinMW: It kind of reminds me of your old stuff.
wbyers_art: like what?
PaladinMW: Those drawings you used to do
PaladinMW: The Will the Wise stuff
wbyers_art: oh god
PaladinMW: I mean it in a good way!
wbyers_art: i know
wbyers_art: i just haven’t thought about that in a long time
PaladinMW: You were good even then.
wbyers_art: i was like ten
PaladinMW: Doesn’t matter. It was natural.
wbyers_art: lol are you gonna tell me my art powers are innate? ;-)
PaladinMW: Lol yeah! Totally.
PaladinMW: Will the Wise, Cleric, Sorcerer Supreme, Artist Extraordinaire
wbyers_art: wow i miss being a little d&d nerd
PaladinMW: Yeah, me too
PaladinMW: I miss being a kid.
wbyers_art: life was easier
wbyers_art: before all THAT went down
wbyers_art: and after too, sort of
PaladinMW: It was a lot easier. Growing up sucks, Will Byers.
wbyers_art: hear, hear!
PaladinMW: I was thinking about Stand by Me earlier. That quote at the end, you know?
wbyers_art: the one about the friends you have when you’re 12?
PaladinMW: Yeah
wbyers_art: god, i can’t watch that kind of thing anymore. last time i did, i cried so hard i almost blew chunks.
PaladinMW: Totally. Me too!
PaladinMW: And when I watched it with Maggie last, she was like, “I don’t get why you would cry???” and I lost it even more. Come on!
wbyers_art: definitely. complete emotional devastation!
wbyers_art: oh! and speaking of maggie, i forgot to say: dustin told me you two are trying for a baby!!!
wbyers_art: how’s that going?
PaladinMW: Uh…
PaladinMW: Lol
PaladinMW: I mean, I didn’t think we were getting into that, but if you really wanna know…
wbyers_art: no! lol i didn’t mean it like that, obviously
wbyers_art: i don’t want details!
wbyers_art: jesus lol
PaladinMW: Yeah, I know. I figured. 😀
PaladinMW is typing…
PaladinMW is typing…PaladinMW: It’s kind of on hold right now.
wbyers_art: oh, okay
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…wbyers_art: everything alright?
PaladinMW: Yeah
PaladinMW: Everything’s fine. It’s just STUFF, you know.
PaladinMW: Marriage stuff
wbyers_art: i’m sorry
wbyers_art: i shouldn’t have brought it up
PaladinMW: No, it’s cool
PaladinMW is typing…
PaladinMW is typing…PaladinMW: Things aren’t perfect, but I don’t think any marriage is. We’re fine.
PaladinMW: It’ll work itself out
wbyers_art: i hope so :-)
PaladinMW: Yeah
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…wbyers_art: escaping awkward accidental overstepping and changing the subject completely…
PaladinMW: Lol
wbyers_art: i was serious earlier. about you writing. you should pick it up again!
PaladinMW: Yeah?
wbyers_art: yeah, i liked your book
PaladinMW: You and the like ten other people who read it.
wbyers_art: that’s not true lol
PaladinMW: It kind of is!
wbyers_art: is not
wbyers_art: there were at least a hundred :-P
wbyers_art: you’re really good though
PaladinMW: I don’t know about that…
wbyers_art: i do, and you have to trust me!
PaladinMW: Lol why?
wbyers_art: because i’m apparently THE william byers, illustrator of sunfall & the spellweaver, a renowned youth fiction comic book series
PaladinMW: Oh yeah. Duh. I HAVE to trust you. You’re basically famous. Award-winning.
wbyers_art: true. so you better get on that sequel! :-)
PaladinMW: That ship has sailed, I think. It would have to be something new.
wbyers_art: well get to thinking! ;-)
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…wbyers_art: tell me something?
PaladinMW: What’s that?
wbyers_art: are you happy, mike?
PaladinMW is typing…
PaladinMW is typing…PaladinMW: Yeah, I think so?
wbyers_art: yeah?
PaladinMW: Yeah.
wbyers_art: okay
PaladinMW: What about you, Will the Wise?
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…wbyers_art: yeah
wbyers_art: i am, mostly?
wbyers_art: i want something more eventually, but for now, i’m okay.
PaladinMW: Like what?
wbyers_art: you know, the stuff people want, i guess :-)
PaladinMW is typing…PaladinMW: Are you dating?
wbyers_art: not right now, i’m sort of taking a break
wbyers_art: i’m kind of over the whole ‘casual’ thing, if i’m honest
PaladinMW: Oh yeah?
wbyers_art: not that i did a lot of casual dating to begin with, i guess. intentionally, at least lol
wbyers_art: i was definitely involved in casual dating, i just didn’t know it!
PaladinMW: Ouch
wbyers_art: it was my fault, obviously lol you know me. corny and sentimental :-P
PaladinMW: Yeah, I was never a casual guy either.
wbyers_art: hence: marriage
wbyers_art: lol
PaladinMW: Yeah 😛
PaladinMW: So are Chicago guys especially casual? Lol I don’t really know how to ask that question.
wbyers_art: lol
wbyers_art: not ESPECIALLY, i don’t guess. a lot of gay men are, though, just in general.
PaladinMW: Oh
wbyers_art: lol
wbyers_art: i think the problem is actually that i still think of myself as kind of young and many of the men who want what i want are older. i just don’t think i’m ready to date a 45 year old lol
wbyers_art: i don’t blame the late 20s-early 30s crowd for wanting to be casual, btw. like i said, it’s a me problem. ;-P
PaladinMW is typing…
PaladinMW is typing…PaladinMW: You’ll find somebody.
wbyers_art: lol
PaladinMW: You will!
wbyers_art: we’ll see. or else i’ll just age into the group of guys who go to wine tastings and barry mannilow concerts and the problem will solve itself! ;-D
wbyers_art: enough about my boring love life! i’m wilting. next subject. you pick.
PaladinMW: Hmmm. How’s your mom?
wbyers_art: lol nice one
wbyers_art: she’s good
wbyers_art: she and hopper are still in montauk
wbyers_art: she works at this consignment shop and loves it
PaladinMW: That sounds like her.
wbyers_art: yeah
wbyers_art: hopper’s talking about retiring
PaladinMW: Wow! That’s weird.
PaladinMW: That man literally went back to the force immediately after fighting a [redacted] [redacted] [don’t snipe me, government] and didn’t look back.
wbyers_art: lmao
PaladinMW: I thought he would die in his police-force issued uniform and vehicle.
wbyers_art: truly
wbyers_art: but i think he’s ready for a nice, quiet life. he and mom got a dog (rudy!) and they walk him on the beach and stuff. they’re getting old.
PaladinMW: Damn
wbyers_art: yup
wbyers_art: what about your family?
PaladinMW: Holly’s graduating in May.
wbyers_art: seriously?
PaladinMW: Yeah. Columbia.
wbyers_art: that’s amazing!
PaladinMW: Neuroscience
wbyers_art: wow
PaladinMW: Yeah, she’s way smarter than me.
wbyers_art: i doubt that
PaladinMW: Nancy’s still in Boston doing her investigative reporting thing.
PaladinMW: She won some award recently
wbyers_art: of course she did
PaladinMW: Yeah
PaladinMW: She’s living with this guy, Ben. They’re good.
wbyers_art: that’s good
PaladinMW: Yeah. What about Jonathan?
wbyers_art: ny, still
wbyers_art: doing documentaries, weird stuff mostly
PaladinMW: Like what?
wbyers_art: the last one was about people who live full time in abandoned subway tunnels.
PaladinMW: That’s pretty cool, actually.
wbyers_art: yeah. they’re interesting for sure. remind me at some point and i’ll mail you a copy of some of his best ones.
PaladinMW: Will do
wbyers_art: i think my favorite of jonathan’s documentaries is this one about subway surfers. he went all the way to europe to film and do interviews bc it’s apparently really popular over there?
wbyers_art: you there?
PaladinMW is away.wbyers_art: mike?
PaladinMW is away.PaladinMW: Hey.
PaladinMW: Sorry. I had to talk to Maggie for a sec.
wbyers_art: oh ok, no problem :-)
wbyers_art is typing…wbyers_art: do you need to go?
PaladinMW: In a minute, probably.
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…wbyers_art: cool. sorry if i’ve been monopolizing your time lol apparently i’m starved for socialization and wasn’t aware until just now :-P
PaladinMW: Don’t apologize.
PaladinMW: This is nice, actually. Talking like this.
wbyers_art: yeah
wbyers_art: it is
PaladinMW is typing…
PaladinMW is typing…
PaladinMW is typing…PaladinMW: It’s pathetic, but I guess I don’t really get to just talk to people like this much?
wbyers_art: yeah?
PaladinMW: Yeah
PaladinMW: I mean, I talk to Dustin and Lucas and Max sometimes, but it isn’t a regular thing.
wbyers_art: do you have a friend group in indianapolis?
PaladinMW: Nope. (Pathetic. Told ya.)
PaladinMW: I’m married, and it’s just harder to keep up with people, I guess.
PaladinMW: And I’m kind of an asshole lol
wbyers_art: you’re not
PaladinMW: I am, and I’m also far too nerdy for most of Maggie’s friends’ husbands.
wbyers_art: lol
PaladinMW: They wanna talk about stocks and sports and shit. I’m just like, “Let me tell you about why paladins are objectively the best D&D class if you build them right.”
wbyers_art: yeah lol i totally get that
wbyers_art: i don’t really have a ton of friends either
PaladinMW: Oh yeah?
wbyers_art: i have a group, but it’s like three sets of best friends and then me
wbyers_art: they like me, but they don’t really get me, if you know what i mean
PaladinMW: Yeah. [redacted]
wbyers_art: [redacted][redacted] and other stuff, too. kid from a small town meets chicagoans. you get it.
PaladinMW: Yeah. I understand.
PaladinMW: So, hey. We should do this again.
PaladinMW: Like, ACTUALLY actually. Not just saying we will and not.
wbyers_art: yeah! we should!
PaladinMW: You’re never online, though…
wbyers_art: i can be
wbyers_art is typing…
wbyers_art is typing…wbyers_art: it’s just that this stuff is a little hard sometimes. idk, maybe it’s just me?
PaladinMW: Yeah. Same, actually.
wbyers_art: memories and all that
PaladinMW: Yeah
PaladinMW: We can email and figure out a time.
wbyers_art: yeah, i’d like that :-)
PaladinMW: Me too 🙂
wbyers_art: :-)
wbyers_art: i should probably head out. i’ll let you go!
PaladinMW: Yeah, I should probably go to bed.
wbyers_art: it was really good talking to you, mike
PaladinMW: It was good talking to you, too.
wbyers_art: night
PaladinMW: Night, Will
wbyers_art has signed off
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william byers sunfall & the wandering spellweaver
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reconnecting with old friends anxiety
cerebro_dust: Hello I have returned. Invite me back to the chat pls!
PaladinMW: You’re too late. Everybody’s gone.
cerebro_dust: Booooo I say
PaladinMW: Where’d you go, anyway?
cerebro_dust: Have I told you lately that I am basically a love machine
PaladinMW: Dustin, I’m so goddamn afraid of what you’re about to say.
cerebro_dust: Phone call with Veda just now
cerebro_dust: We started talking about Star Wars and ended up arguing about whether Han Solo could outfly the Millennium Falcon if he were in a different ship. Skill vs machine performance baby!
PaladinMW: And this makes you a “love machine” how??
cerebro_dust: Wouldn’t you like to know
PaladinMW: Actually, no. I definitely don’t want to know.
cerebro_dust: Let’s just say arguments of this nature are a surprisingly powerful aphrodisiac and leave it at that
PaladinMW: Jesus. I’m gonna kill you and then myself.
cerebro_dust: Oh hush
cerebro_dust: Anyway did I miss anything important
PaladinMW: Not really
cerebro_dust: Did you and Will talk much
PaladinMW: Yeah, for a bit
cerebro_dust: good
cerebro_dust: He doesn’t talk to people enough if you ask me
cerebro_dust: It’s good for him to engage
cerebro_dust: It’s good for you too actually
PaladinMW: Gee, thanks.
cerebro_dust: You know what I mean
PaladinMW: I know.
cerebro_dust: I figured you guys would be gone to tell the truth
cerebro_dust: Just popping in to say goodnight to my homies
PaladinMW: Night, Dustin. Thanks for setting up the chat tonight.
cerebro_dust: You got it
cerebro_dust: Night man
PaladinMW: Night.
PaladinHeart471 @ LJ
Security Setting: Private
January 25, 2002
10:03 PMJesus Christ, ID.
First of all: Party chat was actually great. W showed up! We all joked, we laughed. It felt like old times. X is pregnant, which is nice, and I’m genuinely happy for her and L because they’re this perfect couple in a way that doesn’t feel forced or fake. Like, you can tell that they ACTUALLY give a shit about each other beyond mere performance based on social expectation.
I’ll admit I felt weird for a second because of the whole baby thing. I don’t know why? Close to home, I guess, since I’ve spent the past seven months trying to make one to no avail. And I guess I just sort of have this expectation that a kid will make everything okay again, which is legitimately fucked up, by the way, because we all know that that’s totally unfair pressure to put on something that didn’t ask to be there in the first place.
Anyway, it was fine, though. We all joked about knitting X’s baby a wizard hat, and then it turned into this big nerdy THING that felt so much like high school us that I teared up a little like a loser.
We talked for about an hour. Then everybody but W and I left, and we talked one-on-one for the first time in almost a year. Holy fuck, ID, I missed him. There’s not much else to say about it. Or at least, I don’t know if I want to right now. It was just NICE and good and I felt like he wants to talk truth with me which is so goddamn refreshing.
In the middle of it, M came in and sat in my lap. I put up an away message and minimized the chat window, but W sent a message through and it made the tab light up on the taskbar. M asked me who I was talking to, and it didn’t turn into a THING but I think she was pissed that I didn’t tell her about the Party chat and had, instead, just told her I was in here grading. Which, okay: fair. I don’t actually know why I didn’t just tell her.
When I went to “make my appearance” earlier, she was in the living room painting her toenails, and we talked about normal stuff: dinner tomorrow night, her friend’s birthday party next week, who we think will be the next to be voted off on Survivor.
No blowjob attempts. She kissed me when she came into the study later, though. Like, an ACTUAL, proper kiss instead of the little pecks we’ve given each other over the past few weeks. I don’t know what that was about. Maybe she’s trying? Maybe I should be better about trying, too. If she’s still awake when I go to bed, maybe I’ll initiate something -- show her I’m still here.
I DO love her, ID. I’m not lying about that, and I don’t want to come across like I hate my wife and never want to touch her again because that isn’t true. I’m actually really fucking disgusted with myself for what happened. I’m ashamed of that shit. Of course I wouldn’t want my wife to see me touching myself to dudes sucking dick! That’s unfair. I made a vow. I promised to love and honor her, and I did absolutely none of that. I was selfish, and all I was thinking when I made that search was my own desire to get off to something that turned me on.
Is “desire” a complicated thing for me? Totally. Do I “desire” M all the time? No. Does she deserve to know that? Also no.
Holy fuck, I hope she never reads this. I’m changing my password immediately after I post, just in case.
In other news, W wants to chat again -- just us. We said we’d email to set up a time. ID, approximately when is that fine to do? Do I wait a week? A day? Five years ago, I wouldn’t have waited longer than an hour.
It’s W. I know W. W knows me. He was my best friend. If I’m honest, though, I just felt a little like a loser in comparison to everybody, and I guess I don’t want to look desperate, too.
I’ll let you know.
Later, ID. Wish me luck.
-Guy
Saturday, January 26, 2002
9:01 AM
From: Mike Wheeler
To: Will Byers
Subject: Side Quest InvitationHey Will!
It was great talking to you last night. I missed that.
Wanna chat again this week? I’m free any night but Wednesday. Wednesday night is Survivor night, and we take it very seriously around these parts.
After 7 EST is best, but I can make earlier work. Let me know if/when.
Hope you’re doing okay. I mean, it’s only been like 12 hours since we spoke, but who knows what could have happened? Aliens, obviously. Robot uprisings (perhaps Flexcalibur achieved sentience). Dragons, etc. A whole slew of things.
ARE you doing okay? I await your reply, Will the Wise.
Sincerely,
Mike the Brave