Chapter Text
Privacy could be hard to come by on the Vanguard, especially as their numbers grew—a blessing normally. This, however, was a conversation no one needed to witness. They had recently resupplied, so while the hold was as full as was possible—not as much as it once might have been in a better world—there was no reason for anyone else to be in there.
Cabanela set the pair of magicite on a crate.
“What do you need of us?” Phantom asked.
“I’ve got a favour to ask.”
“If it’s within our power to grant,” Seraph said.
“I only remember snatches of those dreams you gave me over the year, Phantom, but you were drawin’ from my memories, yeees?”
“Yes.”
"Could you dig up the memories from when I was crowned?"
There was a long pause. Whether it was the silence of thought or a silent communication between the two Espers, he couldn't say.
"Why?" Phantom finally said. "Why would you wish such a thing?"
"I've got a two year gap, rumours and hearsay, and flashes of things that may be real or may only be nightmares. I've had enough of guessin'." He'd had enough from the moment Lynne dropped that terrible bit of news.
"They're not your responsibility. Why torment yourself with actions that weren't your own?"
"I need to know." Know what he had and hadn't done. If there were chances he could have broken through. What had happened in that cell? How had those times alone not been enough to snap him out of it…
What if, somehow, it happened again?
He gave a wry smile. "And if you're worried about torment, not knowin' is providing plenty of thaaat."
"It may not be possible," Seraph said gently.
"Then I'll know that too.
"This is foolish," Phantom said.
"Perhaps," said Seraph, "yet many acts of bravery would look foolish had they not succeeded."
"And if it doesn't work?"
"Then I'm a fooool who's no worse off," Cabanela said.
"Try, my love. I'm here if something goes wrong."
Phantom still sounded hesitant but said, "Very well. It will help if you can clear your mind."
"I'm all yours, baby."
There was nothing at first except a building sense of unease. What if it didn't work? What if it did?
Then…
Fire. Screams he knew from his dreams. A void.
Nothing, only throbbing pain.
Phantom's voice cut across his senses like glass. "Enough. Seraph!"
Warmth washed over him soothing away the pain. There was a softness he could sink into and drift in peace. Away from pain and dark rooms. Away from helplessness as blows rained. Masks and fear and a deeper ache at his core. To be held—
—and cracked open. Laid bare.
Let it go and break.
A voice cried out. "No!" It took him a moment to realize it was his own. The floor swam into focus. He was on his knees with no recollection of falling.
Seraph sounded as shaken as he felt. "I'm sorry. I-I meant only to soothe. There's so much magic in this world now, it's easier to access it but so difficult to control. Once, when Phantom and I were whole we could do so much together, heal body and soul. For a moment… it felt like we could once more."
Cabanela raised a placating hand. "You're fiiine, baby. It's fine." He stood, absently smoothing a hand over his clothing as he did so.
"I'm sorry as well," said Phantom. "If there is anything it's locked away beyond my abilities. If I pushed further I could have broken you."
Cabanela forced a smile he hoped looked the part and not the rictus it felt. "Thanks for tryin'. I'll take you back now. Kittens make better siiights than crates."
"Wait," Seraph said. "I overstepped, followed a path I couldn't yet understand. With a more deliberate attempt and better understanding, I may be able to do more to help you."
"It's not the stuff I know that needs dealin' with right now."
"Untended wounds will only fester."
"And that's not somethin' we've got time for. Let's leave it at that, shaaall we?"
"I… As you wish."
Cabanela returned the pair to their place in the central living area of the airship. Avoiding anyone else, he made his way to the corridor that would ultimately lead to the bar-room. A temptation in the bottles there, but no, that would only be another loss of control he couldn't afford.
He stopped to lean heavily against the wall. Phantom had feared hurting him yet it was Seraph who'd proven the dangerous one. He'd forced it all down this long; none of that needed dredging up again. Let it rot.
'Fester'.
No. If he cracked now then what? And he was fine, really. All stuff of the past that was done and dusted. It was the problems now that needed addressing, and those were dwindling in number as they regrouped. The end was coming sooner than later.
Steps behind. He straightened and turned to see Alma approach. Another smile that should have come more easily than it did, but as Alma returned it he could be certain of some success here.
"There you are," she said. "Lynne and I were talking and we thought it would be a nice break from things to do a little shopping. I'd like to get something nice for Kamila. Cait Sissel is interested as well." Her fingers twisted together. "I… know it's not the most comfortable for you, and I know vanishing is safer, but it's been so long since we've been able to shop together. With your scarf and hood… I'd like it if you could join us?"
"A little shopping triiip, is it? Sounds looovely."
Her smile broadened, warming her face, and her shoulders eased as she dropped her hands. It was the nicest sight he'd seen all day, more than worth a little discomfort.
"I'll let them know. Meet you on the deck?"
"I'll be there."
The day had taken a turn for the sour, but no reason to let it stay as such. Winding the scarf around his face wasn't the most comfortable, though it did have the advantage of keeping out some of the dust and it was a small price to pay. Things were looking up, baby.