Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

1.

"I've loved you without even seeing you."

Seoul, December 6, 2015.

The year was 2015. Where Instagram had just started to get popular. Vines were the biggest sources of entertainment. Life was good. Kim Seokjin had newly turned sixteen, his birthday having been two days prior. He was a normal kid. He brought home good grades and partook in a few after-school activities. The Kim family was a pretty normal family. His dad is a corporate worker, and his mother is a teacher in the town's school. He had a brother he was very close with. Kim Jeongguk. He wasn't that blessed in academics but was really good in art. Jeongguk always confided in Seokjin about his dreams to get into the best fine arts university in the future. Seokjin always assured his younger brother that he would.

Every day was a fixed routine for the Kims, and today was no different. Seokjin ran down the stairs, followed by his younger brother. They were fighting again. All for the most trivial things, but all good-naturedly.

"Eomma! He won't give me my phone back." Jeongguk whined to his mother. Minju just chuckles and goes back to whipping the pancake batter. She shoots a playful glare at her elder son before speaking.

"Yah, Kim Seokjin, give him his phone back." She said, her tone light, but Seokjin listened nonetheless and tossed the phone to his younger brother. The younger struggled to catch it but did anyway and scowled at his brother.

Both the brothers and Min-ju sat on the table and soon were joined by their father, Jihoon, who sat after ruffling his younger son's hair. Jeongguk immediately began to fix it back in place. All the others burst out laughing. The rest of breakfast was spent in laughter and talks about Jeongguk's stupid antics back when he was a kid. Soon it was time for both brothers to leave. Seokjin kisses his mother's cheek and waves to his dad before turning to Jeongguk.

"Last one to the front gate has to pay for the banana milk!” Seokjin says playfully before Jeongguk gasps and hurriedly kisses his mother on the cheek, “Bye, Eomma," and then jogs towards his father on the couch, “Bye, Abeonim. Yah! KIM SEOKJIN!” Jeongguk runs after his elder brother at the speed of light and somehow manages to cross Seokjin and reaches the gate first.

“HA! Now please, my dear hyungie, buy me some banana milk bottles.” Jeongguk mockingly whines at his elder brother. Seokjin scowls and flicks him on the forehead. He then proceeds to walk ahead with a smug smirk on his face. Jeongguk rubs his forehead and walks beside his elder brother. The way to the small CVC on the way to school is surprisingly calm. Jeongguk vents to Seokjin about his dreams and aspirations. Seokjin is silent most of the time, but when they near the turn to get to the CVC, Seokjin speaks.

“You can do anything you want, Jeonggukie. Even if anyone else won’t support you, hyung will always be there for you. Always remember that, okay?” Jeongguk smiles and nods at the latter when Seokjin speaks up again. “Wait here. I’ll grab the banana milk and be right back.” He grins at the younger boy and ruffles his hair.

Seokjin crosses the road and picks out a few bottles, quickly paying for them. He stands in front of the CVC and shoots Jeongguk a smile. Jeongguk smiles back, not knowing the consequences of stopping at the CVC that morning. Just as Seokjin is about to cross the road, a black Hyundai comes out of nowhere, running into him. And in that moment when Seokjin is motionless and has no choice but to remain glued to the ground, he feels all the memories of his mom, dad, Jeongguk, and his best friend Yoongi come back to him as he stares up into the bright blue sky. The good ones, the sad ones. Along with that, a certain unnamed man also shows up. Someone with kind eyes. Seokjin couldn’t see the rest of his face. He had his hand, covered in dry paint splotches, projected out towards him as if he was calling Seokjin to him. That’s all he remembers before his eyes close.

In that split second, Jeongguk felt his soul leave his body. People from all around started to gather around Seokjin’s lifeless boy. Jeongguk fell to the ground on his knees, heart beating erratically. Min Yoongi, who was supposed to meet them at the CVC, stops dead in his tracks, the color draining out of his face. He takes one look at Jeongguk and then his eyes fall back on his best friend’s body, now wounded and blood pooled around him. Yoongi moves through the crowd of people, screaming and shouting.

“Move! Someone please call a fucking ambulance. Please!” Yoongi falls to the ground beside Seokjin’s body, trying his level best not to cry. He takes Seokjin’s face in shaky hands and rests his head on his lap. “Please, Seokjin-ah. Please.” He says to particularly no one, his voice a murmur.

A kind man in his early fifties bends down to check his

pulse. Yoongi looks up at him expectantly, and the older man nods. Seokjin was alive. The older man quickly calls an ambulance. After what felt like an eternity, the ambulance arrived, and a few nurses put Seokjin on a stretcher. Yoongi pulls Jeongguk up from the ground. The younger boy had gone cold. His eyes were teary, yet no tears seemed to be falling from his eyes. Yoongi pulls Jeongguk to his chest and keeps him there, hugging him. Yoongi somehow manages to pull Jeongguk into the ambulance along with him. He doesn’t leave the younger’s side and keeps him to his chest while he talks to Seokjin’s parents.

“Yes, eommonim. We’re heading to the hospital right now. He’ll be okay, don’t worry. Don’t cry, eommonim.”

Yoongi soon hangs up the call and stares at Seokjin’s body. A boy who was so cheerful and always focused on making others happy now lay lifeless in front of him. All sorts of negative thoughts run through his mind, and he closes his eyes shut tightly. A small voice breaks him out of his thoughts. It was Jeongguk. “Hyung?”

Yoongi turns towards Jeongguk, trying his level best to not cry. He sniffs and looks back at the younger with a forced smile on his face. “Yeah, Jeonggukie?”

“Will hyung be okay?” Jeongguk asks with tears glistening in his doe eyes. Yoongi wipes at a few stray tears and smiles at the younger boy, not wanting to worry. Jeongguk was only fourteen years old. He did not need to be seeing and thinking about all of these things. “Of course. Our hyung here is very strong. He probably will be laughing at the idea of you crying when the doctors get him all better.”

Jeongguk sniffs and nods. He goes back to looking at his shoes, fiddling with his fingers.

╭──────────.★..─╮ time skip╰─..★.──────────╯

The doctors rush Seokjin’s body into the OT, and Yoongi and Jeongguk are told to wait outside. Soon, Seokjin’s parents also arrive, Minju going directly to her younger son and hugging him to her chest. This time Jeongguk doesn’t hold back, and it's like a dam breaks. He cries in his mother’s arms and feels like a baby doing so. Jihoon comes over to Yoongi and pulls the younger man into a hug. Yoongi had known Seokjin since they were babies, and their families were also close. Seokjin’s father was like a dad he never had, as Yoongi’s biological father had left him with his mother when he was only a baby. Yoongi pulls away from the hug and speaks.

“He’s in the OT right now. The doctors are asking for the formalities. You should go there to give your signature, abeonim.”

Jihoon nods and walks towards the office. Yoongi’s heart pains for the older man. He looks over at the mother and son duo crying silently. A door suddenly opens and in comes Yoongi’s mother, her hair tied up in a messy bun. She, on spotting Yoongi, immediately runs to her son, giving him a peck on the forehead. She then sits down beside Minju and runs a soothing palm down her back. Seeing this sight, Yoongi can’t help but break down into tears. None of them say a word. All of them are too startled to say a word. He may loose his best friend. The person who has seen all his highs and lows. They’d made so many plans together. They’d decided to be roomates and go to the same university. They’d made a promise that they’d be each other’s best men. He wished he could’ve talked to Seokjin just one last time.

He wished he had been in Seokjin’s place instead that morning.

A few hours later, the five are still sitting on the chairs outside the OT. Jeongguk is in his mother’s lap, now calm. He had drifted off to sleep. For Jeongguk, sleep right now was the only escape from reality. His mother had gone completely numb and stared into space. She had run out of tears to cry. Jihoon, on the other hand, couldn’t cry. He had to be strong for his family. Yoongi and his mother sat beside each other. The doctors finally come out.

All five heads snap up at the call of the doctor. Yoongi and Jeongguk get up immediately. The doctor sighs a remorseful sigh as they all hold their breath.

“He’s alive.”

Hearing the two words, it was as if a huge weight was picked up from their chests. Relief. That was the feeling. But it didn’t last long when the doctor spoke his next words.

“But there was internal bleeding, and the severe trauma to his brain has caused him to slip into a coma. Usually, such patients will be in a coma for two to four weeks, but nothing is sure as of now. It could last a few months or years. Right now all we can do is pray and hope for the best.”

Minju immediately began to sob, Yoongi’s mother rushing to console her. Jihoon falls back on the seat and burrows his head in his hands. Jeongguk just stands there staring at his feet. He doesn’t even realize Yoongi is coming to stand beside him. Doesn’t even realize Yoongi pulling him into a hug. All he feels at that moment is pain. Not hope. Not grief. Just raw pain. Jeongguk can't—no, wait, doesn’t want to imagine a world without his elder brother. They may have fought a lot but Seokjin was his support system. He would trade his life to have just one moment, just one second where he could hug his brother for one last time. He feels his world fall apart on that cold winter day.

Chapter Text

"Sometimes all we can do is just accept and hope the pain goes away."

2.

Outskirts of Seoul, December 6, 1985

Seokjin wakes up to the sound of yelling. The rays of light partially pass through the translucent curtains, which were still drawn. He wonders why they’re fighting this time. Had his mother spent too much money? Or had his father been finally caught for having an affair? Or were they arguing because of him?

Seokjin was a mistake. His parents had met in high school and started dating. One night they crossed the limits, and one thing led to another, and because of the lack of proper sex education for both of them, things had ended with Seokjin’s mother finding out she was pregnant at 2 months. It didn’t take long for both their families to find out, and the couple was forced to get married.

Ever since Seokjin was a child, the two never missed out on the opportunity to demean him and remind him how much of a mistake he was. They’d made his life quite a living hell. Seokjin always dreamt of leaving everything behind and starting a new life. But even that seemed so far.

Seokjin pushes off the blankets and sits on the bed, running his hand through his hair in hopes of calming his messy bedhead. He hears the voices get louder, and he slowly slips into the bathroom, taking with him all his clothes, careful to not make a sound. He strips and stares at himself in the mirror. There was a new bruise on his arm. He winces as he touches it, and he looks in the mirror, failing to recognize himself. Seokjin snaps out of his thoughts and quickly showers and walks downstairs with his head hung low. The moment he walks downstairs, though, he comes face-to-face with his father before a slap lands on his face, splitting his lip. Seokjin doesn’t react, just clutches his cheek and winces at the sting in his lips. His mother speaks before his father does.

“Yah, Kim Seokjin. You were supposed to return the money I gave you.” His mother says, her voice already sounding as if she were ticked off. The father looks between the mother and son, a disinterested look on his face.

“You didn’t give me any money, eommonim.” He says with his head still down and voice a low murmur. He sees his mother look at him with a scowl on her face.

“I’ve told you multiple times to not talk in such a low voice, have I not? I won’t hear anything you say if you keep this up.” His mother screams and comes to stand in front of him, pushing his father aside. The father rubs his shoulder, scowling at the older woman, and goes to sit on one of the chairs. He doesn’t react. Just stares at them.

“Anyway, I don’t want to hear it. You better have the money ready by tonight. I have to buy some things. I don’t care how you get it, but make sure you have it done. You get that in your head or—”

Seokjin doesn’t let her finish, and he’s nodding his head vigorously. Her scowl then transforms into this smug smile before she’s walking away. His dad then comes to stand in front of him. He’s reminded of the sting on his cheek, briefly forgotten due to his mother’s shenanigans. His father looks at him, still uninterested, but this time, the anger in his eyes returns.

“You took my money, didn’t you, you punk?” His father yells at him; his mother has moved to the kitchen, not bothering to even see what was going on behind her. Seokjin quickly shakes but still doesn’t utter a word. His father then grabs his collar and shoves him so hard that he slams his shoulder into a nearby wall, and he hisses in pain. Seokjin reaches into his pocket with shaky hands to fetch out some money he had left and thought to use for his lunch and shoves it into the man's hands and runs out of the house, not looking back again.

He reaches school after a short walk. For most kids, they liked being at home better than at school, but for Seokjin, school was the only escape from the abuse he had to face from his parents. He didn’t have a lot of friends. But he did have Kim Namjoon. His best friend. Namjoon lived alone in an apartment that he bought by himself. Seokjin is snapped out of his thoughts when an arm drapes around his shoulder.

“Hey, hyung.” Namjoon greets Seokjin with a huge smile. Seokjin forces a grin and replies with a greeting back.

Their school was a big one. With brick walls and flowers adorning it. It was the only one on this side of Seoul, so his parents didn’t really have an option to put him in any other school. Seokjin feels tremendously out of place here, though.

“Did you finish the math homework? Lee’s probably going to ask for it.” Namjoon says as they both make their way into their classroom. Seokjin keeps his bag down and nods at the latter. “Great! Now can I copy it?” 

Seokjin chuckles but pulls out his notebook out of his bag anyway. “Yeah, sure.”

╭──────────.★..─╮ time skip╰─..★.──────────╯

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Seokjin dreads going back home. His father will probably be home and accuse him of stealing money again. His mother will start her drama of Seokjin not giving her money. The clock strikes 3, and all the children are up and grabbing their bags along with them. Namjoon has to stay back for detention. He rambled about how he was only trying to defend himself from the older kids, but the teachers weren’t ready to listen. So Seokjin was alone for today.

The best part of his fucked-up life had to be a certain boy he didn’t know the name of. He knew he was in the art department. Seokjin always would take the longer way to the back entrance just so he could pass by the art department and look at the boy who always stayed back after class. Seokjin could never muster up the courage to actually ask the boy for his number. Who would like a fuck-up like him anyway? Seokjin had a reputation like that. Most of the school knew about his family life, yet none of them had offered to help him. Not that he expected help anyway. Namjoon was the only one who came near him, mainly because some seniors had spread rumors about how he was a drug addict. In just a day, the entire school, including his own friends, had stopped talking to him.

There was another reason people didn’t come near him. He was gay. This wasn’t just a rumor. Someone had overheard him talking with Namjoon and decided to make it everyone’s problem. After that, things only got worse.

The boy was sitting hunched over a canvas, painting strokes of cerulean blue and crimson. It didn’t look like it made sense, but to Seokjin, it was the most beautiful thing ever. Not as beautiful as the artist, though. Seokjin sits on the bay window, which gives him a clear view of the boy. Seokjin takes out his headphones and starts doing his homework, occasionally stealing glances at the artist.

His staring doesn’t go unnoticed. A group of seniors passing by spot Seokjin and whisper amongst themselves. Seokjin doesn’t notice them until one of the guys comes to sit beside him, arm around his shoulder. Seokjin visibly tenses and places his notebook beside him. He thinks if he stays calm, they won't bother him. But boy was he wrong.

“Hey fag. Are you into weird, eccentric artists now? I thought you and that Kim Namjoon were fucking. You fags change sides that easy? Damn.” The guy beside Seokjin, Minho, says it, and Seokjin tries his best to keep his cool. He swallows the lump in his throat and fists his hands. Minho snickers and so do the other boys. He spends the next five minutes calling him all sorts of things, but Seokjin doesn’t react. And that’s what makes the seniors mad. Seokjin thinks Minho gets up to leave, but the moment Minho is up, he’s turning around and his fist meets with Seokjin’s jaw.

Seokjin wasn’t that skinny, but they were seniors and he was just a mere sophomore. It hurts like hell. Seokjin thinks. Yet no tears come out of his eyes. 

“People like you are a fucking disgrace to society. It’s disgusting; haven’t your parents taught you that?”

The seniors push him around, giving him a few punches here and there, splitting his already split lip more. At this point the seniors had gotten agitated by the fact that their throws and words were having no effect on Seokjin. Minho decided to do something he is sure will work to make Seokjin lose his cool. Minho grabs Seokjin by the collar.

“Don’t think I didn’t see you staring at that art slut there. You should, you know, shoot your shot,” Minho spits out mockingly as Seokjin stares at him with darkened eyes, hair plastered to his forehead and breathing heavily.

“the kid probably has his legs open—“

Minho doesn’t get to complete his sentence as Seokjin’s fist collides with his jaw. Seokjin pushes him on the ground, throwing multiple punches. The rest of the guys tried to pull him off, but he didn’t budge. He didn’t even realize one had run off to call the teacher. Seokjin doesn’t stop punching the bastard, feeling a fury in himself he had never felt before. When he finally had wounded him enough to move away, he pushed his hair with blood-streaked hands out of his face and got off the senior, who was now trying to get up but failing.

“You can say whatever the fuck you want about me. But you never speak that way of not only him, but anyone.” Seokjin turns to leave but instead is met with a very furious-looking teacher.

╭──────────.★..─╮ time skip╰─..★.──────────╯

Seokjin and Minho sit side by side on the chairs in front of the principal’s office. Minho’s face was a contrast as to how it was when he was throwing punches at Seokjin. He kept on crying and explaining to the principal how Seokjin hit him first multiple times and he was just trying to defend him.

Seokjin doesn’t bother to defend himself. Minho was the son of a chaebol who owned some shares of the school. He zones out most of the conversation. What catches his attention is when the door barges open and in comes a very elegantly dressed but furious woman. She walks straight to him, grabbing him by his collar. A slap lands on his face.

“I see you even near my son henceforth; I’ll make sure you’ll be kicked out of this school.”

Seokjin just nods, keeping his head hung low. After a very long discussion, it was decided that Seokjin’s parents would be called and would be required to pay all the medical expenses for Minho. And to top it off, Seokjin was suspended for two weeks. Great. He thought to himself. While he was leaving, he noticed the smirk on Minho’s face, and he wanted to slap it right off him but contained himself.

Seokjin staggered out of the principal’s office and walked the way to the exit. He was just at the exit door when a hand tapped on his shoulder. Seokjin turned his head over to be met with a face sculpted by a God. It was the artist. It was the artist who was the only good thing about Seokjin’s fucked-up world. The boy had smooth, black hair that covered his forehead. A pair of deep eyes that gleamed a certain way when sunlight fell on him. Seokjin is snapped out of his thoughts when the boy speaks.

“I heard the fight. I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything, but the least I can do is treat your wounds.” Taehyung says with his head hung low and extends his hands out, holding a green band-aid with four-leaf clovers on it. He could see the boy’s ears turning pinker by the second. When Taehyung doesn’t hear anything from Seokjin, he opens the bandaid and softly places it on his cheek, careful not to hurt the latter. Seokjin winces, and the boy mumbles, "Sorry."

“It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault anyway. Even if you did get involved, it would be just the two of us. I don’t want you getting in trouble.”

The boy smiles. “Thanks. Don’t get into fights.” He says, with a hint of playfulness. He then turns away to walk out, but he stops in his tracks and turns back around.

“Also, for the record, I don’t think you are weird. I think you’re pretty cool. I wish I could be as brave as you are.” He says, and the next moment, he's already walking out.

Seokjin smiles for the first time in months, heart beating wildly in his chest.

╭──────────.★..─╮ time skip╰─..★.──────────╯

 Seokjin arrives home with an uneasy feeling inside his chest. As if something bad were going to happen. And he was right. Because the moment he stepped foot into the door of his house, he was dragged inside by the collar and thrown on the floor by his father; his bag was thrown away uselessly. Seokjin falls on the floor with a loud thud, a sharp ache on his shoulder. He clutches his shoulder as he tries to sit up and look at his father when the latter speaks.

“You fucker. You’ve already made our lives hell just by being here, and now you go ahead and get yourself in trouble? You know how much those hospital bills are? I don’t care what the fuck you do, but I’m not paying a penny. I’ll kill you if you do bring the money.”

Seokjin feels his soul leave his body. His father was really angry when he was mad. Seokjin’s snapped out of his thoughts when his father hurls a plate down. He quickly gathers himself and runs away into the bathroom and locks the door. He sinks down onto the floor, against the door. His father bangs on the door from outside.

After a while, the banging stops, and Seokjin lets out a sigh of relief. He hears the refrigerator door open and the sound of a beer bottle opening. That’s when the tears start flowing. Like a dam had broken open. He hugs his knees to his chest, chest heaving. He doesn’t know how long he stayed like that. It takes all that is in him to just stand. He stands up, clutching the bathroom sink, and somehow manages to strip.

He fills the bathtub with water to the extent of overflowing before sinking into it. He stares into space, the tears no longer flowing. He wanted to cry. God, did he want to. But he just couldn’t. No tears would come out. Seokjin sinks down into the water and stays inside for as long as he can. It felt like an escape from reality. But when he sees a pair of hands, covered in dry paint, reach out to him behind his eyes, Seokjin rises up with a jerk. He doesn't know what he wants to do. He doesn’t want to do anything anymore. His eyes fall on a small blade. He reaches out to it with shaky hands, but his face is numb. He doesn’t know when it comes in contact with his wrist.

Everything goes black.

Chapter Text

"I feel like I'm waiting for something that isn't going to happen."

3.

Outskirts of Seoul, December 8, 1985

White.

That’s the first thing he sees. He smells the faint antiseptic in the room. The steady beat of the heart monitor beeping. Seokjin tries to sit up. He hears a figure rustling beside him before a boy, seemingly of his age, sits down on the edge of his bed. His eyes are worried. Seokjin is about to ask the boy who he was when the boy speaks up.

“Seokjin hyung? Are you feeling better now? It’s me, Namjoon. Your best friend?” The boy speaks. Seokjin panics, and he looks around once more, taking notice of his own surroundings. His eyes then fell onto his wrist, which had a white bandage wrapped around it. Namjoon sensed his discomfort and placed a hand on his shoulder. He speaks with a very gentle tone.

“You tried to harm yourself—” Seokjin doesn’t let the boy finish his sentence and begins speaking at once.

“My parents? What about them?” Seokjin asks, heart pounding in his chest. He just wanted to see his parents. And Jeongguk. And Yoongi. He just wanted to go home. He couldn’t remember anything. He wanted to go back to their two-story house in Seoul. Away from the white room, which felt as if it were eating him alive. Seokjin tries to move around to find his phone but fails. He couldn’t find his phone. He looks at Namjoon with a perplexed expression on his face.

“Where’s my phone?” Now Namjoon’s the one who looks confused. He lets out a small laugh after a few seconds.

“It’s 1985. The only phone we have is the big box thing out in the hallway.” Namjoon speaks; he doesn’t sound too surprised, which leaves Seokjin shocked. 1985? He was in 1985. But how? He had gotten into a car crash in 2015, back in Seoul. Seokjin isn’t able to comprehend anything. Just a few moments ago, he was Kim Seokjin in Seoul in 2016 with his family and best friend. But now? He has no idea where he is. 

Everything goes black. Seokjin passes out. The last thing he hears is Namjoon’s call to the nurse.

——————

Seokjin blinks open his eyes as the blinding white light causes him to flinch. Namjoon is beside him in an instant. 

“Hyung, you fainted. Do you feel better now?” Namjoon inquires, and Seokjin nods. He finally gathers up enough energy to question Namjoon again without seeming suspicious. Seokjin was sure something strange had happened. He knew he had woken up in the body of another Kim Seokjin in 1985. He just didn’t know how. He didn’t want Namjoon to know of this, though. Through all the information he’s gathered, he’s sure the only person he can rely on is Namjoon. He doesn’t want to scare him off. Seokjin then decides to be as subtle as possible.

“Can you tell me what led to this?” Seokjin holds up his wounded wrist. “My memory's a little rusty, so I don’t really remember.”

Namjoon then begins to explain the whole chain of events that led them here. Seokjin comes to know that the Kim Seokjin of 1985 had abusive parents who didn’t want him in the first place. He also discovers his sexuality, and that didn’t come off as a shock to Seokjin because he knew how it was. Then Namjoon tells him about the fight with a group of seniors, and well, the rest—you already know. The doctors had apparently come to a conclusion that Seokjin’s hand had slipped with the blade, but Namjoon knew otherwise. Though he chose not to say anything. Seokjin was staring into space at this point when Namjoon snapped his fingers in front of him to get his attention.

“You spaced out there.” Namjoon says it, and Seokjin covers it up with a fake laugh. If Namjoon notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“Seokjin hyung, I’ve been meaning to ask you this for quite some time, and after this incident I don’t think it should wait. I think you should move in with me.” Namjoon blurts out in one go.

Seokjin is confused. “I can’t just move in with you. I really don’t want to impose—“

Namjoon doesn’t let him finish the rest of his sentence and speaks. “It’s not imposing. Just hear me out. The apartment’s getting really expensive for me, and I have a spare room. So, we could split the rent, and it’s a win-win for the both of us. You’ll need to get a part-time job, though.”

Seokjin contemplates and thinks for a few minutes, as Namjoon looks at him expectantly. He could move away from his parents, and he won’t have to look back at them again. But he was slightly worried about what the couple would do if they found out he was living at someone else’s place while they were working for him. Seokjin figures he could spend most of the day at Namjoon’s place, and he’d be working, anyway. He could just come back during the night to sleep. That didn’t sound too bad. Seokjin at that point really feels for the Seokjin of 1985. He’d hate having parents who didn’t treat him properly but didn’t want him to live either. They wanted him to grow up in the same bad conditions they grew up in. Seokjin knew this was the way the minds of such toxic parents worked. He had heard Yoongi talk about it sometimes. He wanted to be a psychologist when he grew up. Suddenly, Seokjin misses Yoongi. His best friend. He does his best to control his tears and succeeds in it.

He explains his thoughts to Namjoon, and the younger boy agrees with him. Seokjin then informs Namjoon that he feels sleepy, and so Namjoon leaves, leaving Seokjin alone in the cold of his own company. It still was perplexing as to how all of this had happened anyway. Someone from 2015 waking up in the body of someone from 1985. It seemed impossible. But here it was happening to Seokjin. Seokjin should’ve panicked when he got to know about what had happened. But he didn’t. Instead, he felt a sense of belonging. He felt as if he had come here for a reason. That he had to do something. He just didn’t know what and how. Seokjin also had this weird feeling in his chest, gnawing at him. He is then reminded of the last picture he saw behind his eyes when that car came rushing towards him.

Who was he? And why had he shown up when the car rushed towards him? Seokjin felt as if everything that had happened in the span of this one hour was because of the boy. He didn’t know how. He didn’t know why. He didn’t know who he was.

Seokjin wanted to know who he was. No, he needed to know.

╭──────────.★..─╮ time skip╰─..★.──────────╯

Seokjin is discharged a day later, but the band-aid around the wrist doesn’t leave until a few days later. It doesn’t feel real at all. He still thinks that he’s in some sort of delusion after his car crash, but by the fifth day, it starts to feel real and not just a dream. He cuts his cheek by accident while shaving. It bleeds. That’s when he realizes this is anything but a dream. It’s a new reality. Seokjin didn’t have words to explain it.

By then, Seokjin had managed to move most of his stuff to Namjoon’s house. His daily routine from then on goes pretty much like this—he wakes up at his parents’ place at the crack of dawn, trying his best to avoid the people he had to call his parents for now, and goes to school.

He then goes directly from school to Namjoon’s and his shared apartment, where he studies. Namjoon goes to his part-time job at the grocery store immediately after leaving school, so he doesn’t see much of him. Seokjin, by five thirty, leaves for his job at the diner as a waiter. By nine thirty, he is done, and he leaves to go to the couple’s house. They don’t bother him anymore, though. They still throw taunts and nags here and there, but they’ve stopped being abusive at least. Seokjin’s grateful for that.

And as for the school kids, after the incident, they’d stopped talking shit about Seokjin. At least in front of him. Seokjin really felt for the Kim Seokjin of 1985. Though a few seniors here and there threw hurtful comments here and there, Seokjin really didn’t care. He was strong-headed. He just moved on, not giving a flying fuck about what others said about him. He just wished Seokjin of 1985 was the same too.

—

Tonight was a normal night. He took out his Walkman. The Seokjin of 1985 had decorated it with many stickers, and somehow, somehow, Seokjin had managed to get it to work without anyone’s help. The moment he steps out of the restaurant, he is hit with a gust of cold wind. He’s really thankful that he brought his jacket tonight. He plugs in the earpieces of the Walkman into his ears as the low hum of Summer of ‘69 by Bryan Adams starts playing at home. He starts walking, not really thinking about anything, when his eyes fall on a boy crouched on the stairs of a small grocery shop. He was drawing. Seokjin had seen the kid before. He looks at him with a furrow on his brow and tilts his head to the side, removing an earpiece.

He was the prettiest boy he’d ever seen.

He was drawing something, with a sketchbook perched on his knees. His hair fell all over his eyes, yet he was the most mesmerizing boy he’d ever seen. He doesn’t know what possessed him to go and sit next to him, but here he was. Seokjin was scared the boy might leave because of his reputation at school, but he’s shocked to see that he doesn’t leave. Instead, he looks at him, and as if he recognizes him, he smiles at him. Seokjin gulps.

“Hey, your nose is all better now, I see," the boy says, with a teasing smile on his face that made Seokjin’s heart beat erratically for what reason he didn’t know. But the thing he focused on was that he didn’t know what the fuck Taehyung was talking about. Had he gotten hurt on his nose in the presence of this boy? If yes, that was so embarrassing. He curses himself mentally. He touches his nose with his fingertips. Seokjin must’ve looked confused because the boy giggles at him.

“You don’t remember me, do you? I’ll help you. Uh, the green band-aid, four-leaf clover? I think a few days ago," the boy says helpfully, and honestly, Seokjin has no idea what he’s talking about, but he just nods his head. The boy smiles, and his bread-like cheeks dust a faint pink, and Seokjin feels his own cheeks warming. Why were his cheeks warming when this cute boy smiled?

“Well, we never got a chance to introduce ourselves, so I'm Kim Taehyung, and I love art of any kind, and often if I get the chance, I teach art to kids in our neighborhood." 

Taehyung. His name was just as pretty as he was. Just as pretty as the cherry blossoms that bloomed above them. Seokjin gets lost in Taehyung’s alluring eyes but somehow manages to form a coherent sentence.

“Kim Seokjin. I don’t really do too much except photography.” Seokjin didn’t know what the other Seokjin did. He just decided to stick to his own interests instead, and it worked because it looked like Taehyung’s interest had piqued. “Really? I never saw you at the photography club. You should join it; I think it’ll be helpful for you.” Taehyung says, and Seokjin finally looks up at him, and he thinks he sees stars in his eyes. Seokjin somehow manages to nod under Taehyung’s stare.

There is a long moment of silence, where the only thing that could be heard was, the low gush of wind, the sound of the crickets chirping, and the rough drag of Taehyung’s pencil across the page. However, the silence was anything but uncomfortable. Seokjin couldn’t put what he felt right now into words. He felt as if he were complete. He didn’t know if Taehyung felt it too, as it was highly unlikely that he did, and he was too scared to ask him, so he just kept his mouth shut. Taehyung finally speaks up, as he holds up his sketchbook. He had drawn the scenery in front of them, with two shadows hovering on the street because of the light emitted by the streetlights just above them. Seokjin is at a loss for words, and Taehyung senses it before giggling to himself, softly.

“You like it? It’s not my best, but it’s good enough for a quick sketch.” Taehyung mutters, admiring the drawing while, at the same time, picking out the flaws in it. It’s appropriate enough to say that Seokjin is mesmerized. He finally manages to string a proper sentence and speaks.

“It’s really good. It’s like you don’t only see the world for its beauty but also for its flaws as well. And when you do see the flaws, you don’t hide them; you accentuate them because it’s the flaws that make the drawing what it is." Seokjin doesn’t hear any reply from Taehyung, and he mentally curses himself for it.

“Sorry, that was out of line—“ Seokjin starts but is immediately cut off when Taehyung speaks.

“No.”

“Sorry?”

“I mean that, no, it wasn’t out of line. People often praise my works, and I really am grateful for that, but nobody notices the small things I add in intentionally." He gestures with his thumb and forefinger. “I feel like doing that gives my work a life of its own. So, thanks for saying that. It's the most thoughtful critique I’ve ever received.” Taehyung says, and Seokjin swears he sees a hint of blush on the other’s high cheekbones. Seokjin is, once again, lost in Taehyung’s radiance while the boy is doing something as mere as doodling in his sketchbook. Taehyung suddenly speaks up, though, startling Seokjin’s train of thoughts.

“What year were you born in? I was born December 30, 1970.” Taehyung says, and Seokjin quickly does the math in his head to find out his birth year.

“December 4 of the previous year.” Seokjin replies to him, and Taehyung finally looks up from his sketchbook and at Seokjin. “It’s hyung for me, then,” Taehyung says casually, but Seokjin feels the warmth spreading across his neck rapidly. He adjusts the collar of his school uniform in an attempt to hide the blush. If Taehyung sees it, he doesn’t mention it, and Seokjin’s grateful for that.

“Well then, hyung, would you like to eat lunch with me at school tomorrow? And maybe the day after that? Wait, scratch that. Would you like to eat lunch with me? Period?" Taehyung asks, reddening a little, and honestly, he doesn’t know what possessed him to ask such a question to some guy he barely knew, but for some reason, it felt right. His mother always told him to follow his heart. 

“I would love to, Taehyung-ah.” Seokjin speaks up, and he smiles, his eyes glinting under the streetlight’s glow.

“Then it’s decided," Taehyung says, and the two smile at each other, not leaving the eye contact. It was as if their meeting was premeditated by someone they didn’t know. It was like they were meant to meet here on the steps of a small grocery store. Even though Seokjin had barely known this boy for an hour, Seokjin felt something just so right about him.

That was the start of the most beautiful moment in life for the both of them.

Chapter Text

"In every universe I would choose you."

4.

December 16th, 1985.

Seokjin walks into school with Namjoon, who’s busy chattering about a greenhouse he found near their shared apartment. As much as Seokjin wanted to pay attention to what his apparent best friend was saying, he couldn’t. He couldn’t think about anything else except a certain boy with bread-like cheeks and round eyes even if he tried. His mind just drifted back to Taehyung’s soft yet baritone voice, his long and elegant fingers. The mole under his eye. Namjoon seems to sense Seokjin’s mental absence and taps his shoulder gently, not wanting to startle him, because for Namjoon, Seokjin was his best friend who had tried to harm himself not long ago.

“Hyung? What’re you thinking about?” Namjoon asks, and Seokjin could sense the concern in his tone. He quickly shakes his head.

“Nothing. Couldn’t sleep last night. Those two were screaming at each other. But at least they don’t bother me anymore.” Seokjin shrugs. It had been quite something to get used to this life, but who could he even tell anyway?

Just as the two resumed a normal conversation, which meant Namjoon yapping again about a pretty bonsai tree, Seokjin saw Taehyung standing in front of the window along with a fellow junior, Jimin, and laughing, the sunlight hitting his face in a certain way that made his almond brown eyes glow. Seokjin feels his heart stutter, and he stops dead in his tracks, his hand going up to clutch at his chest in hopes of calming down the erratic beating. Namjoon just stares in awe at his best friend looking at someone with stars in his eyes. That alone is enough to snap Seokjin out of his thoughts; he turns to look at Namjoon sheepishly. He is just about to open his mouth to say something when he spots Taehyung and Jimin walking towards him.

“Hey, hyung. Wanna grab that lunch together?” Taehyung says it like it's the most normal thing ever. It’s not like Seokjin wants to melt into a puddle just because of his smile. Ha, as if.

Seokjin dumbly nods, and Taehyung grins up at him and jumps away with Jimin, talking something about being hungry. He doesn’t know. Just as they start walking, he feels Namjoon’s eyes on him, and when he looks up, he is met with the most shit-eating grin known to all of mankind. Seokjin stops walking, and so does Namjoon, and Seokjin raises his eyebrow while crossing his arms over his chest. 

“What?”

“You like Kim Taehyung from 10A, don’t you?

“What? No, where did that come from?” Seokjin tries to put up his best acting but unfortunately fails in front of Namjoon’s hawk-like eyes. Namjoon also raises an eyebrow, as if compelling the elder to admit it. For God knows why, it actually works.

“Wow. Kim Seokjin finally has a crush.” Namjoon deadpans as they begin to walk again. He then continues again. “Why don’t you just ask him out? Knowing you, you’re probably going to pine for him until he finally says something to you.”

Seokjin feigns innocence and just shrugs. He doesn’t know about the Seokjin of 1985, but he surely would act like that.

“I don’t even know if he’s straight. I can’t just straight up go to him and ask him out. I’ll scare him away; at least this way we could at least stay friends.”

“You know, despite being a fellow homosexual, your ability to deduce if a person is queer is ass. The boy is queer, Seokjin. I’m telling you. My gaydar has never been wrong.”

Seokjin laughs at Namjoon’s choice of words as they head into the classroom and take their seats. The topic is dropped as soon as the teacher walks in and the class goes silent.

— — — —

The bell for lunch goes off, and the students don’t even wait for the teacher to dismiss them before they’re all off their seats and on their way to lunch. Namjoon and Seokjin are two of those students. Namjoon yet again chatters on about something, and Seokjin can’t seem to pay attention because of his nerves and the sound of his heart practically thumping against his chest. They both grab their lunch trays, and Seokjin turns around to meet eyes with Taehyung, who, upon spotting him, waves his hand, ushering Seokjin over. Seokjin looked at Namjoon, who just smirked and shook his head, and both of them made their way over to the lunch table with Jimin and Taehyung. The two best friends take a seat, Seokjin feeling rather awkward because what did you even do at a group lunch in the 80s? Usually, everyone just used their phones. 

“Hey, hyung. I’m glad you joined us.” Taehyung’s eyes crinkle at the corners, and he looks pleased to have Seokjin sitting with him. The two elders sit down in front of Taehyung and Jimin.

“Of course.” Seokjin manages to mutter out, giving the younger a small smile. He can practically feel Namjoon’s amused gaze burning holes in the side of his face. Just then, Jimin leans forward, propping his chin on his hand, and begins, “So are you two coming to the winter festival next week? I heard this year, as a surprise, they’re setting up an ice rink at the town square.”

“Ice rink? I didn’t know we had those.” Namjoon mutters, and Jimin giggles before continuing.

"Well, we do. Taehyung here always falls on his ass at least once. It’s an amazing sight if you see it in person, really.” He glances towards Seokjin as he says it. Intent? Unclear. Taehyung then shoves Jimin’s shoulder with his own.

“I do not,” Taehyung grumbles before his attention shifts towards Seokjin, and he looks almost shy. “Do you know how to ice skate, hyung?” Seokjin’s eyes widen, and Namjoon snorts. Does he? Does this Seokjin know how to skate?

“I’m a little rusty; I’ll probably need some practice.” Taehyung perks up at this, wide eyes glistening. “I could help you if you’d like. Only if you’d want to, that is.”

Seokjin is just about to speak when Namjoon beats him to it. “Perfect. We could all go together. It’ll be fun.” Namjoon says, slurping on his noodles with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Yeah. It could be like a double date. No group outing. My bad," Jimin says, a little too loudly for Taehyung’s liking. Taehyung kicks Jimin’s shin under the table, and his ears redden. He becomes a little too interested in his tray. Seokjin’s heart does that thing again.

“What? I’m just saying it’ll be a fun outing.” Taehyung doesn’t let his best friend open his mouth again as he shoves a fish cake in Jimin’s mouth rather aggressively. He then looks at Seokjin with the most innocent look on his face. Namjoon looks amused.

“Hyung? Are you into music, perchance? I remember Namjoon hyung saying something about you playing an instrument.”

Seokjin uses his whole brainpower to remember if the Seokjin of this life plays something. Seokjin then vaguely remembers seeing a piano and a guitar at the back of his closet. Seokjin does not know how to play the piano. But a guitar? He can manage that.

“I play the guitar sometimes.” Taehyung’s eyes light up, and Seokjin thinks it’s the prettiest sight ever.

“I play the sax and the piano. Do you maybe wanna play something together sometime?”

Taehyung asks rather shyly and honestly; Seokjin was no better. He could physically feel the redness in his cheeks.

“Yeah, I would love to.” Seokjin smiles, and he really means it. Honestly, he’d do anything for this boy.

Jimin glances between Seokjin and Taehyung, and finally, his gaze lands on Namjoon. He raises his eyebrows, and it seems like Namjoon got his hint. He got up, running a hand through his hair with all three pairs of eyes on him.

“Well, me and Jimin have somewhere to be.” Namjoon says, and Jimin smiles widely.

“Yeah, uh, somewhere.” He also gets up.

Seokjin frowns, genuinely confused. “Where?”

“The greenhouse," Namjoon says quickly. Jimin nods, grabbing his bag. “Important stuff.”

Seokjin and Taehyung look even more confused. But just as they were about to open their mouth to say something, Jimin and Namjoon already beat them to it, saying goodbye in a rushed manner and running away, snickering to themselves.

There is a moment of silence between the two, but it’s broken by Seokjin.

“So I was thinking maybe we could go to that skating rink tomorrow night?” Seokjin asks while fidgeting with the collar of his uniform.

Taehyung sat straighter, keeping his chopsticks on his plate, and looked up at Seokjin with a soft smile. Taehyung felt something unfurl in his chest. A feeling that made him feel as if he were floating in a pile of rose petals. Why? He doesn’t know. But all he does know is that he likes Seokjin and wants to hold his hands.

“I’d love that, hyung,” Taehyung sees Seokjin’s shoulders drop down in relief, and he looks down and smiles. “Although, you’ll have to hold my hand. I’m not that good either.”

Seokjin chuckles, and Taehyung finds it to be the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

“I’d love to hold your hand. I don’t wish to fall and embarrass myself in front of people. We’ll just have to learn together.”

Taehyung chuckles; the deep baritone sound makes its way into Seokjin’s heart.

 “Learn together. Yeah, that sounds perfect.” Taehyung smiles up at Seokjin, his eyes turning into crescent moons, and his smile morphs into a boxy grin that Seokjin finds so endearing that he could wax poetic about it.

“Great. It’s a date then.” Seokjin says, feeling rather bold. He holds his breath and gauges Taehyung’s reaction. The smile does not leave his face. If anything, it gets brighter.

“Tomorrow, seven. It’s a date.”