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Nine months into the whole arrangement, Chan has to finally admit that he is in fact dating both of them.
This is news to nobody except maybe to him.
“Didn’t Channie used to fuck girls?” Felix asks, kicking his little feet off the edge of the bed.
He pulls the sucker out of his mouth, the inside of his lips stained a cherry, fever red.
“Probably,” Hyunjin says. He’s never been too interested in who Chan-hyung fucks. He’s much more interested in Felix’s dick. He presses a smacking kiss to the tip of Felix’s cute nose. Cute. Like a fairy. “Now he only fucks you.”
A beat.
“And that guy Iyennah’s age. From Enhypen.”
Romantic. Someone is always fucking somebody.
Felix rolls over onto his back, showing his belly. His shirt rucks up, and the freckles go all the way down, and Hyunjin gets distracted by the urge to bite them.
“Could be fucking you, too. If you were into that.”
The way he slants a gaze up at Hyunjin through his pretty, pretty eyelashes makes a few things happen in quick succession. First of all, Hyunjin’s heart stops in his chest.
And then it stutter-starts back up, and he chokes.
“Felix!” he whines, dragging Felix’s name out, sweet like taffy.
Scandalized, virginal. As if he hasn’t done at least fifty dirty things to Felix this year alone, and it’s only March.
And Felix pokes his tongue out and fucking cackles, kicking his little footies. The menace.
* * *
They’re probably all going to end up on Dispatch sooner or later. It’s ridiculous, what they’re doing. They’re all too horny and dumb to be smart about it, so instead they’re just doing this, whatever this is.
Changbin and Jisung are out. The front door bangs shut, and Chan knows it’s Hyunjin by the sound his shoes make as he tosses them onto the shoe rack. They meet in the hallway, doing that dance that people do when they’re synchronized in all the wrong ways, blocking each other’s path while trying to get out of the way.
“Sorry—”
“Sorry—”
“Sorry.”
Hyunjin huffs. “Hyung, just stay still, and I’ll go around you.”
Chan wouldn’t really be able to say, gun to his head, why this is the moment he picks to ask. It’s something he’s been thinking about for a while, turning it over in his head. Changbin had been the closest thing to the kind of friend he could ask for advice about this sort of thing, and so he’d asked, awkwardly, eyes bleary from staring at Ableton for too long. “Do you think it’d be okay if I asked Hyunjin out on a date?”
He’d expected—he didn’t really know what he’d expected, really. For Changbin to be at least a little surprised, maybe.
Instead Changbin had just stared at him like Chan had grown a second head and said, “I think you need to get more sleep, hyung.”
“What? Why?”
“Because you just asked me if I think it would be okay for you to take your boyfriend on a date,” Changbin says dryly.
“I’m dating Felix,” Chan says automatically.
“Uh-huh.”
Notably, this has not kept any of them from seeing other people. Including Changbin, on Felix’s part. It occurs to Chan that he doesn’t know if that’s still going on, and if it is, Changbin keeps his own business to himself.
The thought doesn’t bother him like it once might have. Maybe this is growth, or something like it. Or maybe it’s just Changbin.
Chan coughs. “So…”
Changbin knocks Chan once, firmly on the head with a rap of his knuckles. “Stop making it complicated and just ask. The worst he can do is say no.”
Changbin is, Chan reflects, really very good to him. It comes out of his mouth all at once.
“Hey, you know I love you, right?”
Now it’s Changbin’s turn to get all squirmy and embarrassed. “Hyunggg,” he whines, shifting in his chair.
Cute. His Binnie is cute, too.
Chan only laughs and ruffles his hair, considering it eldest privilege.
And now today in the too-small hallway of their too-small dorm, caused by an impromptu blockade.
Hyunjin looks beautiful, but he’s always beautiful. Hyunjin looks tired and a little annoyed, with the traces of a long day held in the faint shadows under his eyes, his smooth skin devoid of makeup. Why is it this that does it? Now and not some other, better time when they’re both at their best.
He could kiss Hyunjin, Chan realizes.
It would be easier, definitely, than trying to bare his heart, which he’s never been good at. He’s never kissed Hyunjin before, but they’re good at that—the language of bodies and skin. The idea is strange without Felix as a buffer between them, but he could. He could do it.
Instead, he asks, “Do you, um. Want to go on a date. With me?”
The words come out halting, and the end of Chan’s question rises up and up, uncertain.
If he was standing in front of Felix, this would be much easier. Felix would make a face and say in his gremlin voice, “A date? Is Channie-hyung going to buy me flowers and everything?”
And it would be easy and normal, and if Chan hasn’t totally gotten over his jealousy over sharing Felix, then Felix at least is just always sweet and always easy, to everyone, including Chan.
But unfortunately, Chan is standing in front of Hyunjin asking this, and Hyunjin tilts his head, looking more like some kind of sleek ermine.
Hyunjin scares Chan sometimes. That’s hard for him to admit. He feels like the worst person alive for it, but—Hyunjin scares him sometimes.
Hyunjin’s eyebrows pucker up. “You want to go on a date with me?”
He looks behind him, like there might be someone else that Chan is talking to. Yongbok or Heeseungie, but not him.
Chan scratches at the close-cropped back of his hair. “Um. Haha, yeah. I thought it sounded, um. Fun? But! If you think it’s a stupid idea or whatever, then we don’t have to. It’s not a big deal, seriously.”
Chan winces inwardly. Wow, nice going! That’s a whole lot of words for something that isn’t a big deal! Very cool!
But turning to run would be rude, and so instead he stands there shifting awkwardly from foot to foot with the general air of someone awaiting execution.
Hyunjin looks at Chan like he’s trying to figure him out.
Hyunjin, for his part, isn’t sure why Chan wants to take him on a date. They’ve come to something like an unsteady truce, but Felix is the one that Chan loves. Hyunjin is just… a complication. A wrinkle in his plans. It would be easier for Chan if Hyunjin wasn’t around, surely.
Hyunjin has been silent for a while, and Chan is prepared to take that for the rejection it obviously is.
“Yeah, like I said, not a big deal. It was probably a bad idea anyway—”
Hyunjin’s perfectly smooth brow stays creased. He’s going to catch wrinkles at this rate, as if Chan’s age is contagious.
“I didn’t say no. Do you not want to anymore—?”
“No!” Chan says immediately. “I mean yes. I mean—” He is making a big mess of this. He takes a deep breath, and tries again. “I mean yes, I want to take you on a date. If you want to.”
Hyunjin sucks in a small breath.
It’s warm in their apartment, the last gasp of summer holding on. The sun keeps setting outside the window and no one has turned on a light. Everything is soft-edged and fuzzy.
Hyunjin didn’t ever think that any kind of romance would find him here, in this apartment that kind of smells like machine oil and gym clothes and takeout cartons sitting in the kitchen.
Chan is looking at him, and Chan is good too. Steady and handsome and so much kinder than Hyunjin deserves.
“Okay,” he says.
* * *
Chan takes Hyunjin to get ice cream. It’s so cute as dates go, the kind of date meant for people much younger than they are now. They’re hardly young anymore, what feels like a lifetime in the industry catching up to all of them.
They walk along the Han River, ice cream dripping from Hyunjin’s cone and down around his fingers.
“Agh!” He dips his head to try to catch it with his mouth, and Chan ends up looking at his lips.
The bottom of his cone picks that moment to leak in a comedy of errors, and now the melted ice cream really is getting everywhere. Hyunjin holds it out away from his clothes in dismay, looking at the ice cream like it’s somehow betrayed him.
It’s cute, and Chan laughs.
Hyunjin is about to bite out something sharp when the dripping ice cream in his hand is plucked away and replaced with Chan’s fuller ice cream cone. Before he can protest, Chan has gotten rid of the evidence in two neat bites.
It startles a laugh out of Hyunjin instead. It’s so—so stupid and charming and romantic. It’s Chan all over, and Chan looks at him with a lopsided grin, part of his hair flopping in his eyes.
Hyunjin reaches up with his clean hand to brush it away, and he lingers for just a moment. Something passes between them. Something soft and yet electric, something that makes Hyunjin’s breath catch.
Chan clears his throat, stepping back with an apologetic expression first.
Right. They’re still idols, and they’re still outside.
“You’d better eat that before it starts melting too,” Chan says.
“Share it with me,” Hyunjin says impulsively. “I don’t like sweets this much.”
They do share it, passing it back and forth as they walk along the riverside, until there’s nothing left but a wad of sticky napkins that get tossed in the first rubbish bin they see.
Hyunjin makes the basket on the first shot and lets out a satisfied sigh.
“Good day?” Chan asks, looking sidelong at Hyunjin like he really wants to know.
Hyunjin nods.
It was good, actually.
Chan didn’t know if Hyunjin would like it—getting ice cream, things like that. He doesn’t really know what Hyunjin likes—museums, painting, dancing—but none of those are things that Chan can participate in, not in a way that feels like it counts, anyway.
Looking at paintings in a museum, Chan can think some of them are pretty, but he doesn’t see them the way Hyunjin and Felix seem to be able to see them. To him, they’re just nice to look at. He isn’t deep like that.
They joke and shove each other on the train back home, snickering about something Seungmin had done at the last shoot, lively and carefree the way they’d been before things had gotten so complicated.
It gets complicated again, when Chan turns the key in the door. Their laughter fades away, and the silence feels loaded.
It’s not that late, but the apartment is still dark, and no one is home. Chan reaches out for the light, to flip it on out of habit, but Hyunjin’s shaky voice says, “Don’t.”
The tone of his voice sends a shiver down Chan’s spine, and he doesn’t—he doesn’t turn the light on.
“Hyunjin?” Chan asks softly.
Just that, just calling out his name in the dark. He doesn’t ask why.
For a minute, there’s only the sound of the dripping faucet in the sink and the ragged sound of their breathing.
Hyunjin makes a sound that’s almost pained, almost like a snarl, and his bag hits the ground as he grabs for Chan in the dark.
Their lips don’t meet up perfectly at first. Hyunjin’s mouth swipes across Chan’s cheek before they align perfectly for a hungry kiss.
Hyunjin’s hand tangles in the back of Chan’s hair, positioning him where he wants him, controlling Chan’s head with his grip, and heat bursts in Chan’s belly. He moans into Hyunjin’s mouth and puts his hands low on Hyunjin’s hips, jerking him closer with his fingertips skimming Hyunjin’s ass.
Hyunjin makes a sound at that, a happy sound, like he likes Chan grabbing him like that.
Chan had no idea that kissing Hyunjin could feel this good, like he’s drowning in it. Hyunjin’s hips push insistently against his as their tongues tangle in each other’s mouths, and he can feel how hard Hyunjin is. It makes him dizzy knowing that’s not for anyone else. He’s that hard for Chan.
The way Hyunjin kisses is overwhelming, like being eaten alive. Dizzily, Chan thinks he understands why Felix always gets that look on his face when Hyunjin is having his way with him.
“We should—bedroom,” Chan manages to gasp out between kisses.
Hyunjin makes a noise against Chan’s mouth that sounds like agreement, but they never make it that far. Kissing feels much more urgent, only stopping for as long as it takes to yank their clothes free to get at more skin.
The sounds that rise between them sound too loud in the empty apartment, lewd and sticky, the sound of slick, wet kisses, gasps and sighs.
Chan laughs awkwardly just to break the tension. Says something stupid that he’s barely aware of, because it just comes out of his mouth, something like, “So this must be how Felix feels.”
Hyunjin falls onto it like a jackal onto meat. He can’t help it, gears clicking into place, connections being made one way or another.
Hyunjin’s gaze sharpens like he’s just figured something out. “Like Felix? Do you want me to treat you like Felix, pretty baby?”
Chan’s eyes are wide. “N-no, c’mon, knock it off—”
But his protests are too weak, and his body is too honest. He lets Hyunjin tug him down onto the couch in the living room, goes easily when Hyunjin tugs Chan into his lap, kneeling straddled over Hyunjin’s lap.
This is the way he’d caught Hyunjin and Felix for the first time, almost a year ago. That time, he had fled for the safety of his room and jerked off about it, sick and furious at what he’d just seen—at how turned on he’d been by it anyway.
The heat in his belly burns, and his cock throbs at being called pretty baby, and Hyunjin is a virtuoso at more things than just dance and art.
Hyunjin nips at the underside of Chan’s jaw, a place that he didn’t even know was sensitive on himself until just now. He bites Chan’s earlobe, his chin, his tilted, black eyes studying Chan for every reaction.
Each bite feels like a bite taken out of Chan’s self-control. By the end of it, he doesn’t know why he’s trembling.
“Should I fuck you right here, my baby? Show you off to everyone?”
Chan immediately shakes his head no, but deep inside there’s an insidious voice that says that Felix would say yes.
Imagine you’re a slut.
Imagine you’re a slut, but that’s okay, because you’re the prettiest slut and everybody wants you. You love when other people see your body, when they see Hyunjin having fun with you, because maybe that means that they’ll want you, too.
The trembles in Chan’s body haven’t ramped down. If anything, they’ve only gotten more intense until Chan is shaking everywhere, teeth nearly chattering with the force of it, and he feels like such a failure because of course that means that Hyunjin will stop—
But he doesn’t.
Hyunjin just coos at him, “Look at my baby, shaking because of how badly you want it. Have I been neglecting you? Do you need my dick that bad?”
Chan is so grateful the lights are off. He doesn’t know if he could stand it, listening to Hyunjin saying these things with the lights on. His cheeks are burning hot. He can feel the flush spreading across his chest, unattractive and blotchy.
And then he feels Hyunjin’s fingers skim down between his cheeks, dipping down beneath the waistband of Chan’s briefs. A new shudder runs through him. He pitches forward and catches himself against the back of the couch, moaning aloud at the slick, explorative touch of Hyunjin’s slender fingers between his legs.
“Holy shit, please.”
He moans, spreading his legs further over Hyunjin’s lap, feeling like a whore. Feeling like he has to escape, only there’s nowhere to go, nowhere to run to. Shame licks through him like flames, inextricably linked with desire.
“Shh, I’ve got you,” Hyunjin murmurs, his fingers sticky with lube he must have found in the couch cushions. He slides them firmly down the seam between Chan’s legs, and when he gets to Chan’s opening, there’s so much pressure that two fingers punch into him without any prelude.
It feels good, and the best part is he can’t do anything but take it. He squirms against Hyunjin, making some terrible animal noise. No matter how he squirms, there’s nowhere for him to go. Hyunjin’s fingers are hooked inside him, a fish on a line. It’s wonderful and terrible.
“Shh, shh,” Hyunjin shushes him and twists his fingers and spears Chan deeper.
Chan makes a guttural, gut-shot whine.
“Good?” Hyunjin asks.
Chan pants, whines, moans. Hyunjin twists his fingers deeper into Chan to force out an answer, and Chan gasps, “Daddy.”
Hyunjin’s eyes slide shut on a shiver.
“Oh my god.”
Chan must be trying to make him embarrass himself because being called that almost makes Hyunjin cum right then and there.
He can do that to Felix, and apparently he can do that to Hyunjin, too, although Hyunjin is sure that Chan has never said that to Felix.
He fucks Chan on his fingers a little harder in retaliation for almost cumming all over the inside of his underwear, the look on his face almost vengeful as he pistons his fingers in and out.
“Oh, oh, oh—”
The sudden onslaught makes Chan’s knees weak, makes his thighs quake. It’s unrelenting and so good and bad at the same time. It feels like licking a battery, a white-hot electric zing up his spine.
Chan doesn’t think he could cum like this, not without one of them touching his cock, but he’s pretty sure he could die like this.
His cock drooling against Hyunjin’s abs, completely untouched. It’s never done that before. He jerks his hips forward, which smears his precum all over Hyun’s rock-hard abs, which makes him moan even more. This is all so fucking mortifying.
“Hngh—” It makes his toes curl.
“Daddy,” he whines, and oh holy fuck.
Hyunjin rips his fingers out of Chan so fast it makes Chan wince.
“Jesus, Hyunjin. Ow, fuck.”
“Sorry. I can’t. I need to be in you, holy fuck—”
Chan’s briefs are yanked down. There’s the sound of the elastic ripping, which might be the hottest thing that Chan’s ever heard in his whole life, the sound of Hyunjin literally ripping his underwear off him.
He’s panting, desperate, so desperately empty. His hair is fucked, and his lips are a bruised, swollen red.
Hyunjin slicks up his own cock haphazardly, the friction from his own hand too much and too good when he’s like this, this desperate and turned on.
He hopes Chan is into this, hopes he isn’t doing something fucked up to Chan right at this moment, won’t be able to live with himself later if he is, but right now Chan is too good and too sweet and how much he needs Hyunjin is intoxicating.
Not even Felix needs Hyunjin this much, like he might die if he doesn’t have him, desperate and messy for it.
Hyunjin drags his slick cock up Channie-hyung’s crack. Fuck, he’s so hot here, and the whimpering sound Chan makes when he does it drives him insane.
It feels so good that Hyunjin groans, getting lost in it for a moment, pushing his cock against Channie-hyung’s hole, feeling how soft it is, the sounds he makes when Hyunjin catches on his rim without pushing in.
But Chan is squirming so much, and they’re playing with fire anyway. Almost without even meaning to, Hyunjin’s cock pops into Chan’s hole.
They both groan simultaneously.
If Hyunjin was a nicer, more selfless person he would hold on a sec and make sure that Chan’s okay—as far as he knows, Chan doesn’t bottom regularly, and Hyunjin is pretty big.
But Chan’s ass feels so good around him, and Chan makes him insane—always has, so Hyunjin can’t help pulling out only to thrust deep all the way inside him.
“Oh fuck, you feel so good.”
Chan loves it, the feeling, but what he loves even more is the look on Hyunjin’s face, the absolute needy abandon with which he fucks Chan, and Chan has always wanted to be needed.
“Do I feel good? Hyunjinnie? Do you—do you like it, do I feel good, please—”
His fingers flex in Hyunjin’s shoulder.
“Yeah,” Hyunjin grunts. “Yeah, feel good, Channie-hyung. Ughh—”
Hyunjin fucks him hard. All those days at the gym are good for this, for being able to grab Chan by the hips and hammer up into him. It’s even better when Chan starts grinding back, the ferocity of their fucking making the couch legs squeak as it bounces off the floor. Chan is so tight it hurts, and there’s another bright pain that blooms sharp and sudden against his bare shoulder, that makes Hyunjin cry out when Chan’s nails gouge into his skin.
“Not gonna last,” Hyunjin grits out, trying to stave off his orgasm. He reaches out to grip Chan’s cock bouncing between them and gets his hand batted away.
“What,” Hyunjin says dumbly.
Chan doesn’t know how to explain. Is feeling too much to try to explain. That he doesn’t want to feel better than this, that if he cums like this he might actually die.
Felix would want to cum, but then Chan isn’t really Felix, is he?
It’s good anyway, too much and too big, and it hurts in a way Chan likes. He leans down to kiss Hyunjin again, fucking too fiercely to do anything more than pant into each other’s mouths and bite at each other’s lips.
And then Chan clenches around him, tightens his muscles in a way that makes the feeling of Hyunjin’s cock inside him burn, and Hyunjin whimpers.
God, it feels so fucking good to make Hyunjin whimper. To make Hyunjin cum for him.
Hyunjin’s orgasm rips through him, and he bites down on Chan’s shoulder, teeth sinking in hard enough to bruise.
Chan rocks on top of him, aimlessly chasing his own pleasure until the friction makes Hyunjin wince.
They sit there panting in the dark, bodies pressed together, sweat sticking them together. Chan swears in English when he lifts himself up far enough to let Hyunjin’s softening cock slip out of him, and Hyunjin hisses at the sudden cold.
The sound of their panting breathing slows down. The room becomes quiet, and the weight of what they just did starts to sink in.
Hyunjin swallows heavily. His Adam’s apple rises and bobs. He needs some water.
“You really don’t want—?” he asks quietly, reaching for Chan again.
Chan shakes his head. Tilts his hips just slightly out of Hyunjin’s reach.
“No, I— no, I think.”
“Okay,” Hyunjin says uncertainly.
“Okay.”
The lights stay off a little longer to put off having to survey the damage.