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“I’m not ready,” Gwen whispered, grabbing Arthur by the hand before he could open the doors.
“Guinevere, we—” Arthur began, but Gwen interrupted him.
“I know,” she acknowledged, cheeks heating from her cowardice. “People are beginning to talk and sooner or later he’ll find out, and it’s better that he hear from us and that we have as much of an upper hand as possible,” she said in a rush. “But once we do this, everything will change. Even if, by some miracle, your father accepts our courtship, we will be in the public eye. We’ll no longer be just ‘Arthur and Gwen’ but Prince Arthur, the future king, and . . .” Gwen trailed off uncertainly.
“The future queen?” Arthur prompted with a soft smile, lifting up his free hand to caress her cheek. “Or do you worry that they will see you as something else?”
“I fear both,” she answered honestly, her grip on Arthur’s hand tightening. “I need more time to prove myself. I must be sure that when I step through those doors, everyone inside knows that I have Camelot’s best interests at heart.”
“How could they not after everything you’ve done?” Arthur hoped his words would bring her comfort, but Gwen’s face remained fraught with tension. They had spent weeks planning out this day, and over that time Gwen’s concerns had seemed to lessen, until she became determined to see their decision through. But perhaps the reality of what they were about to do had finally set in. Arthur promised himself long ago that he would wait for her forever if necessary, and he wasn’t going to break that promise now.
“Guinevere,” Arthur said, interrupting the silence that had settled between them and leaning his forehead against hers. He slipped his fingers out of her grip to cup her face with both hands. “If you need time, it’s yours.” Gwen let out a small sigh of relief before burying her face into the crook of his neck, arms holding him closely to her. In the pit of her stomach, however, a knot formed. She knew she was doing what she hated most—she was running.
“We’re going to be late,” Arthur said when she finally let go of him.
“You should enter first. No one will notice a servant slipping in at the last moment, but the prince. . .”
Arthur nodded, hoping Guinevere’s counsel was a sign that she would be fine. “See you in there?” Gwen gave her own nod and watched as Arthur walked through the doors to hold court with his father, leaving Gwen alone with her thoughts. As the doors closed behind Arthur, Gwen turned around and leaned her back against the cold stone wall.
“What are you doing?” she asked herself, but there was no need to wonder. She was fleeing, protecting herself from the great fall that would come if she was deemed unworthy, and from the fear that had haunted her since the first time Arthur paid her attention, which had only worsened once they agreed to give their feelings for each other a chance.
Arthur had sensed it, somehow—perhaps from all those months of learning to read her from stolen glimpses of her face. Sitting together in his chambers during one particularly balmy night, Gwen, the back of her head leaning against Arthur’s chest and her fingers playing with a stray thread of his sleeve, found herself admitting that one of the reasons she had pushed him away that day in her home was because she did not feel worthy of one day ruling by his side. Arthur did not show any signs of surprise.
“And you still feel this way?” It was a question, but not really. Gwen nodded shyly. “You’re always saying how you have faith in me.” He pressed his cheek against hers so his breath ghosted against her ear. “Why can you never give yourself that same grace?”
Now, Arthur’s words seemed to echo in the corridor around her. Of those whom she still had by her side—Arthur, Merlin, and Gaius—not one doubted her abilities. It was only Gwen who feared that the people of Camelot would spy some shortcoming within her, or would scoff at the idea of her becoming the future king’s mistress, let alone his queen. For years she had prided herself on making the hard choice. Why, when all her happiness relied on this one decision, was she betraying her principles?
Mind made up, Gwen wrenched open the double doors more forcefully than intended. Willing herself not to look at the men and women lining the sides of the room and no doubt staring at her, Gwen walked what seemed an eternity until she reached the dais. The king had just finished mediating a small claim between two town folk, and it wasn’t until Gwen stood in front of him that Uther noticed her.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he demanded, but Gwen paid him no heed. Drawing gasps from the audience she walked onto the platform and straight to Arthur, who stood up and looked at her in alarm.
“Guinevere!” Arthur hissed, eyes glancing frantically at his father before returning to her. Once more Gwen ignored the exclamation of a royal, instead closing the gap between them. She placed her arms firmly around his neck, raised herself onto her toes. As their lips met the roar of the shocked court dimmed to a buzz, and the only noise she distinguished was Arthur’s sharp intake of breath. His surprise soon melted away, and he returned the kiss. When his lips quirked into a smile, Gwen knew he understood her intention. After what felt like a lifetime, Arthur gently broke away.
“Are you sure?”
Gwen contained the laugh threatening to bubble out of her. He knew as well as she that there was no turning back now. “Certain.”
Grinning wildly, Arthur grabbed her hand and turned to face his father. The king looked on in horror at the scene unfolding before him and fixed Gwen with a furious glare. It was clear that the worst case scenario was before them, but Gwen found she no longer cared. She had lost so much to this man standing before her. No more.
“Father,” Arthur said, his pleased voice echoing throughout the hall. He looked back at Gwen, and Gwen felt her heart stop. The way he looked at her always caused her breath to catch, but this time—with his eyes saying how dearly he loved her, how sure he was that they would come through this, how proud he was of her—it left her breathless. She squeezed his hand, and Arthur turned to face the court. “I have an announcement.”