Work Text:
“I’m very sorry. I really didn’t want to do this,” Subaru says; his feet press broken glass into the old wooden floor. Deep red wine spreads across it, a distinct contrast to the way that Julius Juukulius’ face grows white and pale at the onset of death. His expression contorts with pain as he chokes out blood, yellow eyes dilating to pinpricks as they flash back and forth wildly. “I couldn’t get close to Anastasia to take her out of the Royal Selection race, so you’ll have to do.”
Leaning back against the bar, Subaru pulls the silent Blue close to himself, easing the catboy by petting his soft hair as Julius struggles desperately to hang onto life. It hadn’t been all that hard to get Blue to murder his friend; he was so devoted to memories long gone that Subaru slipping into their place had made him Blue’s unquestioned master. Even so, the way that Julius’ fading gaze tilts towards Blue in concern makes Subaru sneer. Finest Knight to the end… ideally, Subaru wouldn’t have had to kill him, but using Blue to do so was the path of least resistance. He waits until Julius’ twitching body grows still, eyes fluttering closed as his agonized breaths cease, before striding with Blue trailing behind him to open the door. On the other side is a man that Subaru has only met once before— a debt-slave to Russell Fellow, who handled cleanup. Very useful, very rational, with grey hair and greyer eyes. As he crosses the threshold into the abandoned bar, however, Subaru holds up a hand to stop him.
“Sir?” the man asks. Elsa always talked about Subaru’s eyes, how she loved his intention to kill her one day. Subaru himself had looked into Blue’s broken expression enough times to know what it looked like when someone had given up on living, but survived regardless. It was that look that Subaru had seen in this man’s eyes the last time they had met, that he did not see now. There was a spark that wasn’t there before, a strange sort of fire. It made Subaru intrigued.
“What’s your name?” Subaru asks. The man hesitates, eyes flickering past Subaru to Julius’ motionless body. “I’ll let you do your job, just tell me.”
“Otto,” the man says, after a moment of clear consideration. “If— if you’ll allow me, Na— time is finite.”
“Maybe. I hope we can meet some other time, though. I have all the time in the world.” This death dealer… Subaru liked him.
“You are a client. There is no way we could ever be friends,” Otto responds, a little too quickly.
“We’ll see,” Subaru says, understanding in this instant the amount of stock that Elsa put into the gazes of others. Something about Otto had changed since Subaru had last seen him, and deeply— did it have anything to do with the fact that Elsa herself, as well as Meili, had entirely disappeared? That the capital of Lugnica no longer seemed overcast with shadow? That everything seemed to be shifted ever so slightly from the day before? Even Blue had changed after returning from delivering his letter to Julius, but Subaru had pushed that aside as nervousness about the upcoming murder. It had been nice to hear him stop whining, too; Blue had barely said anything all day. Even his conversation with Julius had been mostly one-sided. Elsa and Meili vanished from the hideout without so much as a note, Blue shutting up for once, and now a spark in Otto’s eyes… at least the killing of Julius had gone off without a hitch. It was a pity that his death was unnecessary, and so failed to assuage Subaru entirely. “Come on, Blue. See you later, Otto.” Subaru watches as Otto approaches Julius’ body, rolling it onto its back before attempting to pick it up and immediately slipping and landing with it on top of him.
“Subaru-sama…” Blue says, tail waving nervously as he closes the door behind himself with a click.
“What is it?”
“It’s cold.” Blue is only wearing his usual thin dress, and Subaru has on a heavy Witch Cult cloak over his tracksuit. He sighs, notices his breath floating in the air, and holds out a hand; his fire spirit flickers into existence, pulsating out waves of warmth like a miniature star. Subaru owes Blue at least this, after he’d done so well poisoning Julius. “That’s how it is, then. Feels different,” Blue says. He presses his body closer against Subaru. “Julius is my friend.”
“I understand, Blue. I feel bad that we had to kill him, but it’s for His Highness, remember?” Subaru says. For an instant, Blue tenses violently, but they continue walking together. Shuffling sounds from the abandoned bar fade into the distance as the two step slowly into an alleyway.
“Have nyou ever killed a friend?” Blue asks him.
“Kinda,” Subaru says, thinking of Petelguese. He’d gotten along all right with the deranged weirdo, but then the guy had wanted to kill Emilia, and that had been the end of that. “Sometimes you like having someone in your life, and then you have to make sure their life ends. It happens.”
“How do you forget what they looked like when you killed them?” Blue asks, next. He was getting weirdly philosophical for someone with only half his mind in his head. Hah, maybe he’d find forgetting easy enough.
“You don’t,” Subaru says. He’s killed all sorts of people, and died all sorts of times himself. Those kinds of things, they seared themselves into your brain, but each and every one of them was worth it to see Emilia become King. “Don’t worry, though. As long as there’s light and love in your life, the corpses in your path don’t matter. As long as you know what you’re living for… His Highness would be proud of you.” Subaru wishes Emilia could be proud of him, but it was all right. She’d have to accept his love in the only way he could give it, and that was enough.
“He said that, too,” Blue says, hugging Subaru tighter, and a strange sensation sweeps though his body. “That His Highness would be proud of me, if I knew what I was living for. What, nyot who. And he’s right, you’re both right… that makes it difficult, you knyow?”
“He? Who’s he? Julius?” Subaru asks, confused, and then something snaps. The fire spirit in his hand winks out as though it has never been, extinguishing both light and heat. What the— that didn’t make any sense! Where had it gone? Where was the contract that kept it bound to his soul?
“Nope,” another voice says, and Subaru snaps his head up to see a figure approaching at the far end of the alley. “Me.” Subaru freezes, mouth agape as he stares in confusion. What was this!? It’s dark, so there’s a chance he’s mistaking what he’s seeing, but—
“Who are you!?” he shouts. The figure steps forwards, out of the shadows, and the moonlight illuminates his all too familiar face; Subaru’s own. He is facing down against an identical copy of himself, wearing the black-and-orange tracksuit and just missing the cloak.
“He is my friend,” says a voice from behind, an impossible voice, and Subaru whirls around in even further shock; standing in the center of the road and smiling with blood-flecked lips is the one and only Finest Knight.
***
Earlier That Day
“One dead knight, no matter what you do,” Otto threatens. The clear blue sky that floats above the group is a starkly peaceful contrast to the sharp focus in Julius’ eyes. “And if not a knight, a king.”
“Are you quite certain you have already won? What you see is not always what you get,” Julius counters.
“The gameboard is quite contained. Unless you are expecting outside help,” Otto says. He folds his hands, waiting for his opponent’s next move.
“I’ve seen enough!” Subaru shouts, standing to his feet, and Ferris grabs his tracksuit in a flash of anticipation. “Flip the chess table!”
“Firstly, it isn’t called chess, secondly, there will be nyo flipping of tables,” Ferris hisses, pulling his friend back down. Subaru pouts.
“Maybe you could flip him over a table,” Otto mutters, and his face immediately goes red. Julius makes the wise decision to pretend that he didn’t hear anything. “I didn’t mean— I’m sorry, Natsuki-san!” Otto and Julius had been playing shatranj for the past twenty or so minutes, and despite the variable quality of entertainment of this particular activity, Ferris couldn’t deny that the now-common knights’ meetup became more interesting every time they gathered for one.
“I don’t believe it. Hanging out with Julius made you annoying just like he is,” Subaru complains. “See, Otto, Ferris hangs out with Julius all the time and he never becomes annoying. You should take lessons.”
“That’s not fair! You and Ferris-san are, uh…”
“Are what?” Ferris asks. Otto gulps nervously.
“Friends!” Subaru announces, and Otto shoots Ferris a sympathetic look. Ferris considers flipping both him and Subaru over a table.
Ferris is the kind of man who considers all options, no matter how inconvenient some of them might be. So it was that a week after the White Whale Subjugation and Crusch’s subsequent amnesia that Ferris had remembered Subaru’s strange resistance to memory loss, given his recognition of the blue-haired girl that no one remembered. He’d immediately sent for the newly knighted champion of the Emilia camp, and managed to connect Subaru and Crusch by the gate with a spell of his own frantic invention— something almost otherworldly about Subaru’s gate meant that mana filtered through it could actually press against the holes in Crusch’s mind, slowly filling them with memories. Unfortunately, the process was tiring, meaning that the Crusch and Emilia Camps met every week from then on to press memories into Crusch and Rem. The latter, unfortunately, had still shown no sign of waking up. Over all the time that Subaru and Ferris interacted, however, and that Crusch re-experienced her life while in between the both of them, Ferris was embarrassed to say that he’d gained a connection he couldn’t deny with Subaru despite his obnoxiousness. They were so very much like each other, at the end of the day, and Ferris alighted with further shame when Crusch’s reminisces reminded him that Subaru was somewhat like Prince Fourier, too. It was in a way that made Ferris’ heart cry, because he would never love anyone the same way he had loved Fourier. He had left an indelible mark on Ferris’ life that could never be changed. But why was it that Subaru was leaving an entirely separate mark of his own?
So. They were friends, but Ferris had a hard time looking at Crusch without thinking of Subaru or looking at Subaru without thinking of Crusch, and that was more or less an issue. (Also, the Internal Affairs Officer of Emilia Camp knew far too much for his own good.) The door to the porch slides open, and Ferris glances over to see Crusch and Anastasia stepping into the yard. Good, some sensibility would be here—
“CRUSCH-SAMAAAAAAAAA!!” Ferris jumps to his feet, as do Subaru, Otto, and Julius; a horrifying shriek had erupted right outside the courtyard’s gates by the mailbox, crying out with unfathomable fear and despair, and the way the sound hits Ferris’ ears makes his heart hurt. The whole group rushes over to the mailbox in concern, and Ferris is the first person to skid to a stop. Curled up on the road with a letter gripped tightly in his hands, tears falling down his face, and a gaze fixed unceasingly on Crusch is none other than an identical copy of Ferris himself.
“Who are you?” Julius asks, and the other Ferris’— Felix?— eyes grow wide with fear; he bursts out into even further tears when he sees Subaru.
“Crusch-sama, Subaru-sama, Julius, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! You’re not Crusch! I can remember her, I remember that you— you died, you died and I forgot you, and then Subaru-sama saved me but then he— Julius, do I have to kill you? I don’t want to kill you, I don’t know what to do anymore…” Felix trails off, clearly overwhelmed, and then passes out.
Examining the impossible intruder magically reveals something very strange; his gate is affected by a nearly identical peculiarity to Subaru’s, but on a different frequency.
“It’s got to be a multiversal episode. He’s also from another world,” Subaru determines, standing up from the couch where they’d placed Felix. He was physically identical to Ferris in every way that mattered minus the gate, and looking at him felt extraordinarily strange. Ferris wondered how Crusch felt about it.
“Also?” Julius asks.
“Natsuki-san, now is not the time for your jokes,” Otto says.
“I told you, I’m not joking! I’m really from beyond the Great Waterfall! So is this guy, I bet, just in a different direction,” Subaru says, like this is anything reasonable.
“Do you remember how I can press memories of Rem into other people?” Ferris asks. It wasn’t something he had done often, considering the priority of healing Crusch and Rem themselves, but it was possible. “This Felix has those kinds of holes, but for Crusch, and they onlny became fully filled upon seeing her.”
“So he’s from a world where Crusch was erased like Rem… and because he’s from another world, it blocks out the effects of Gluttony from his world,” Subaru says. Another world, were they really going with that?
“I find myself concerned with certain things he said,” Julius says. His hand has not left the hilt of his sword.
“Well, we all do,” Ferris snaps. As if on cue, Felix wakes up, blinking yellow eyes towards the ceiling. His gaze passes over Ferris, Subaru, Julius, Otto, Crusch and Anastasia before he starts crying again.
“Are you feeling well?” Crusch asks. He nods, and his ears flicker. “Can you tell us why you’re here?”
Felix can, in fact, tell them why he’s here, and with every word Ferris only gets more concerned. His otherworldly copy had noticed something was wrong after waking up, as memories that had been missing slipped back into his brain; the true disaster had occurred when he’d seen Crusch, and all the rest of those memories had slammed into his brain at once. Because he’d—
“An evil alternate version of me? Are you serious? I never liked Invincible! For one, I’m not invincible!” Subaru complains, throwing his arms around as he walks back and forth.
“And after Felix here lost Crusch to the Whale, this Pride kidnapped him as part of a horrifying bid to place Emilia on the throne. Today, in order to put an end to Anastasia-sama’s competitiveness, Felix was sent to lure in and kill me,” Julius says. The condemning letter that Felix had intended to drop in the Juukulius house mailbox was clear in its wording.
“What an awful man,” Anastasia says. Subaru avoids her gaze. “We gotta deal with him, don’t we? How mad is he gonna get when he realizes he ain’t in the same world?”
“He might burn the capital deown early!” Felix says. Ferris blinks.
“Excuse me?” The explanation that follows is, for lack of a better word, horrifying. Poor Subaru grows remarkably pale.
“You need not fear. We will not hold the actions of an entirely separate man against you,” Julius tells him.
“Why am I involved, too?” Otto whines, having pulled his hat down over his head after the reveal that there was an alternate Otto as well. Subaru an Archbishop, Crusch forgotten, Felix mentally broken, Otto a death dealer, and Julius the target for an assassination— the other world sounded very, very bad, and Ferris hoped with all his heart that Felix and Pride had been the only two people randomly sent to this world from there.
“We’re going to have to kill him,” Ferris decides. He’s staring directly at Felix as he says it, and his counterpart cowers from his gaze. Felix was an unfathomably wrong existence, but that was not his fault. It was the fault of the incomprehensible man who had made him so.
“What?” Julius asks. “Are you sure?”
“If he is an Archbishop, he is already beyond saving,” Crusch concurs. “And if he truly has the ability to burn down the whole Capital, as well as so many deaths on his record— Pride represents a serious danger, even if our Subaru is a friend and a hero.”
“You can’t kill him!” Subaru says. He winces when everyone looks at him. “I mean— if we could kill him, that’d be great, but you really, really, can’t. I’m serious.”
“Subaru, is there something we should knyow?” Ferris asks. Subaru pointedly doesn’t look at him. Oh, he’s definitely hiding something. Ferris continues glaring at him, and Subaru finally wilts, pressing his hands together.
“I can’t… really talk about it, but if I die, things will get extremely bad for my enemies. I don’t want to know what’ll happen if we kill another version of me.”
“How do you know?” Otto asks. Subaru just shrugs.
“Are you sure whatever this is continyues across worlds? Since the effect of Gluttony clearly didn’t,” Ferris says. Subaru considers it.
“It… might not, actually. You’re right. How would we check that, though?”
“I could look at the frequency of his gate and see if it’s the same as yours,” Ferris says.
“Then the next most important thing ta deal with is that fire spirit,” Anastasia says.
“I’m not sure checking gate frequencies will really solve the first issue,” Subaru sighs.
“If I can use nyour gate to return people their memories, then I can do the same thing with his spirit contract. Don’t worry, it won’t mess up what you have with Beatrice! It’ll just indicate to his gate that the contract is wrong because that’s not the contract this world has recorded for you, and end it. Of course, he’ll have to summon the spirit so I can see the contract at all,” Ferris says. There were so many exciting things that could be done with this new avenue of magic that the gates of otherworlders opened up. “As for the nyother issue… I’ve been working with your gate for a while. If I get some time with his gate, I’ll be able to find the differences, and separate anything that seems to have a similar source to Gluttony. If I can.”
“Are we kidnapping him, then?” Subaru asks.
“No,” Crusch says. “As far as he’s aware, he hasn’t been sent to a new world. From Felix’s testimony, Pride has proven to be a thoroughly adaptable and dangerous villain, not to mention the fire spirit that could cause an unprecedented disaster. If Reinhard was here, we could incarcerate him safely, but as it stands our best advantage is that he is unaware the local balance of power has shifted.”
“So we gaslight him about it? Until Reinhard returns?” Otto asks. “I’m not sure that’ll work… and he wanted to have Felix kill Julius tonight, remember? He’ll also get suspicious if Felix doesn’t go back.”
“I am not sending Felix back to that monster,” Crusch says, voice steel.
“I didn’t say to do that!”
“Plus, if he’s an Archbishop, he’s got one of those nasty Authorities, don’t he?” Anastasia asks.
“It is very likely, yes,” Julius says. Subaru shifts nervously in his seat.
“What are we doing, then?” he asks. Ferris takes a deep breath.
“I’ll go back to him,” he says.
“What!?” Subaru yelps, jumping to his feet. “Ferris, that’s a terrible idea, look what that guy did to Felix! I don’t want you to get hurt like that.”
“Do remember that Felix had forgotten that which is most important. I won’t forget,” Ferris says.
“It won’t work, that guy wants Julius dead tonight, and Reinhard’s not coming back until tomorrow,” Subaru protests.
“Poison, correct?” Julius asks, flicking the letter of invitation to his own demise. “I believe we can work around that.”
“Of course that’s what you want to do,” Otto mutters. Julius smirks.
“Wait, wait, are you serious?” Subaru asks. He groans, leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling. “You know what, fine. I really don’t like the idea of this guy getting anywhere near Emilia-tan, but I don’t like the idea of him getting near you either, Ferris. This is crazy… but I trust you. Do your best, okay?”
***
It may have been naive, but Subaru hadn’t imagined his current life had space for a multiversal crossover episode. Felix is curled up on Julius’ couch, nervously glancing from Subaru to Crusch with eyes carrying a fear that Subaru hates to see on his friend’s face. This Felix was not the Ferris that Subaru knew— the Ferris that he had seen all too intimately through Crusch’s drifting memories and felt the mana of pulse through the gate right next to his soul. Ferris had gone through much in his lifetime, and what flashes Subaru had experienced of Crusch and Fourier helping Ferris’ wonderfully kind heart unravel were something that he could not help but be jealous of, in a twisted way. Subaru had never gotten the opportunity to be lifted out of his own self-inflicted misery, pathetic as it was to be comparing time as a shut-in to Ferris’ childhood dungeon. Parents that loved him to an awful man that felt anything but. Subaru wishes he could have been there for Ferris, though he had been wasting his life an infinite distance away. While thinking of these reminiscences, however, one thought appears in his mind above all else, a vision from the First Trial of the Sanctuary; it was about the end more than anything else. It was about whether Subaru could see the sun setting and know that all was as well as it could be. It was about the Ferris that had set off to save all their lives, and the Felix that sat before him now.
“So,” Subaru says, because he really doesn’t know how to address the slightly demented version of a man he had inadvertently grown to care deeply for. He was hopeless; reaching out to Ferris in an effort to save Rem, and just adding another mark to the list of people he would do anything for. “What’s up?”
“Subaru,” Otto complains, from the back of the room, very quietly. Felix’s tail curls around himself.
“You’re nyot… him. I can feel it. I can remember… Crusch-sama, is His Highness still— ?”
“He is gone,” Crusch says. Despite the many times that Subaru has heard tell of Prince Fourier, the oppressing knowledge that he does not belong anywhere near this story is sparking inside his mind. Back when Subaru and Ferris had started the whole memory-gate-pressing thing, there had been moments of stepping on toes and bristling emotions and Subaru blundering his way through memories that really, really didn’t belong to him. Fourier was a loved friend to Ferris and Crusch and someone Subaru could never measure up to despite where their personalities intersected. Fourier, just like him, discovered for amusement and wisdom where few searched, never failed to run roughshod into his friends’ hearts, and made his romantic feelings blindingly clear to a girl who somehow could not see enough to accept him. Yet, where Subaru had confessed to Emilia and received a waiting period that even he was grateful for— to think he was ready for any relationship at all, just yet!— Fourier had spoken his love directly to Crusch only at his last breath, despite that Ferris had ached throughout all the years they had known each other for a love that he was never destined to receive. Subaru had no intention of standing in this wonderful man’s shadow, but maybe for Ferris he could be a brand new light instead.
Was it really a surprise that Pride had slid so perfectly into the memory-blank space within Felix’s mind? Now with his memory of Crusch restored thanks to world-crossing, it seemed that Felix was just as unsure of his place in existence as Subaru.
“My Lady, she’s gone too, isn’t she?” Felix asks. Crusch winces, because there is really only one possible answer— after the wreckage of the White Whale’s passage, no forgotten soul would have survived.
“I’m sorry,” Crusch tells him. What are they to do with him, this broken shadow? They don’t know how he arrived, and it would be a disservice to send him back regardless. He is very nearly the same Ferris that Subaru and Crusch are both close to, and the biggest difference is one failed loop away. But not quite— Ferris is very, very strong. He is a hissing bundled mess of spite and hope who wants to give to the world the same healing that had taken so long to arrive at his doorstep, and he is a better man than Subaru will ever be. He has touched so many lives, and even the time loops searing holes in Subaru’s heart pale against a power built out of effort and kindness alone. For Felix to fall so far from this height is the fault of another Subaru, who had taken his shattered heart and twisted the shards until they screamed for blood. Subaru wants to put him back together. He wants to see Felix’s eyes soften the same way that Ferris’ did, ceasing to see Subaru as a barrier and instead as someone valued. Someone whose existence makes the world light up. Someone who can be loved. But how can he reach out when he knows he has the potential to hurt Ferris like Felix had been hurt, too? And he let Ferris walk into that danger alone!
“You said something about memories. Show me,” Felix says. His voice shakes despite the demand he speaks, and Subaru and Crusch exchange glances. They might as well; memories were what Felix was missing. But could they trust someone who had been willing to kill Julius? Were Pride’s words still ultimatums, was he still sounding out ways to return to his master? Subaru thinks about it, then decides that it’s whatever. Ferris had let Subaru into his heart to save his Lady, so Subaru could let Felix into his heart to try and offer him relief. Even if he was a shadow of the ‘real’ Ferris, he still was alive as much as any of them. Subaru reaches out his hand, and Crusch stretches hers beside; her eyes are resolute, and she will never let any version of her greatest friend suffer. Holding Felix’s hands results in a spinning dance of memories, feelings roughly dragged to the surface that Subaru would rather not address. Searching, searching, searching for the line between the Subaru and the Ferris of this world, for what Crusch means to them, for the golden shadow of Fourier. For everything that has been and will never be.
“You’re afraid,” Felix says. His gaze reaches spear-deep into Subaru’s wild mind. “I hate nyou. I love nyou. I can’t tell, and neither can he. Neither can me. Why don’t you tell him? You can’t even tell yourself. His Highness nyever could tell. I saw it anyway. I see it now. You’re everything, you’re the hole in my head the reason Crusch-sama’s dead, please go die! Please kill Ferris, if you won’t let him live! Kill me. I don’t know what His Highness would have wanted. You and Ferris, you both love too many people. It isn’t fair!” Felix pulls his knees up to his chest, hiding his face. His words are unclear, and Crusch frowns in concern, but Subaru thinks he gets the gist of it.
“I’ll be right back,” he says.
Subaru stands alone on the mansion’s balcony; judging by the position of the sun, it would be time to catch up to Ferris and Pride not too long from now. Ferris was intelligent and powerful in his own way, so Subaru wasn’t afraid for him, but there were barriers that even he could fall short against, weren’t there?
“We both love too many people, huh?” Subaru asks himself. He couldn’t really deny this; he’d seen it in both Ferris’ soul, and his own. Emilia wasn’t ready to date Subaru, and if he was honest with himself he wasn’t ready to date her either. He loved her, and he’d do anything for her, but as much as he understood her he wasn’t sure she’d ever understand him. Rem was… Subaru still loved her, but every step towards waking her up again was a step further into Ferris’ heart. That left only one person who might take issue— whose jurisdiction might be crossed by Ferris very, very soon. This, if nothing else, was reason to worry. “What do you think, Satella? Willing to share?” Hah. Yeah, right. “I can Return by—“ The world turns cold, and Subaru chokes on purple smoke. It hurts, and crawling from the edges of his sightline is a familiar shadow. “I remember what you told me back at Sanctuary, but I don’t think ‘love myself’ includes an evil version, do you?” Satella stares at him silently with eyes like the moon, and Subaru wants to hit himself for thinking of this idea. “Just… if Ferris pokes you, try not to poke him back, please?”
I love you, Satella says.
“Learned that the last fifty times you said it,” Subaru says. His body isn’t frozen in time, not really, even though everything around them is still. It’s frozen in pure and utter fear. There was no reason at all for him to call on the Devil— she had cursed him, she had silenced him, but some part of Subaru remembered that moment inside the Castle of Dreams and knew that some part of her love was genuine. “I think Ferris has taught me more about loving myself than anyone else, mostly because we’ve both got that to learn. And if there’s anyone I can trust to help me save you, it’ll be the greatest healer I know.” Satella continues to stare at Subaru silently, and he shudders a bit knowing he’s being judged. “He can reach out to anyone. He reached out to me, didn’t he?”
You saved him, Satella says. Can he save you?
It remained to be seen, really.
***
Ferris had made his bed, and now he had to lie in it. Sending the alternate version of himself back to this Pride Subaru felt entirely unconscionable; his mind had been through multiple sieves, but Crusch’s presence seemed to restore him even after Felix had been made aware that she wasn’t the same Crusch he had lost. A part of Ferris wondered how dangerous Subaru could truly be, but it seemed that in both worlds Subaru’s strength came from those he gathered around him. Pride was at a disadvantage as long as he didn’t realize he was in a different place— but once he did, there was a high chance he could leverage knowledge they couldn’t predict. There was also something very alluring about the idea of obtaining a vindication without consequences by killing the Pride Subaru. Following Felix’s directions, Ferris pulls open the door to an abandoned building.
“Oh, there you are, Blue! You took a while,” Subaru’s voice says, and Ferris doesn’t think he’s ready for this. Seated in the center of the room is an identical copy of Ferris’ friend— no, not entirely identical, not with those eyes. Those are the eyes of a man who had killed before and would kill again.
“Subaru-sama,” Ferris says, remembering the way poor Felix addressed his tormentor. He doesn’t say anything else, because the mere concept of having Crusch erased from his mind and replaced with a manipulator is slamming into him with full force. And to think this was a version of Subaru… Ferris had hated his friend, once, hated him for being weak and useless and it seemed like Pride was no different. The both of them needed the help of others to stand strong because they couldn’t stand on their own, and Felix himself was the same, falling into an insane despair the instant Crusch was gone. Surely Ferris was no stronger. His own Crusch was returning to him slowly, week by week, and the more she learned about herself the more Ferris learned about himself. Crusch had not done all that she had to set him free for him to merely keep himself trapped by her side; the golden memory of the Prince in both their minds had said as such. What could they live for, besides him? Besides each other?
“Did Julius get that letter?” Pride asks.
“Yes. Yes! And I’ll see him later, and then I’ll…” Julius had made a plan, and Subaru had accused him of reading too many power fantasy manga, and whatever those were both Ferris and Subaru could agree that Julius had the hopelessly annoying tendency to be extra.
“You’ll kill him. Man, I don’t like the idea of him getting near you, but I trust you, Blue. Do your best, okay?” Pride says, and Ferris’ entire body shivers. For a version of Subaru to say such things about murdering Julius, a precious friend to the both of them, it made him feel sick. “Do it for His Highness.” It takes an incredible amount of strength for Ferris to not march over and punch Pride in the face right then and there. Instead, he steps towards Pride as carefully as he can manage before sliding onto the seat beside him.
Ferris is here for one reason and one reason only; to snap Pride’s spirit contract, and to make sure it was safe to kill him. Pride wraps his arm around Ferris’ shoulders with a natural movement, and something sparks in Ferris’ mind when he has the conscious realization he’d much rather be held by his Subaru. That was… something he probably shouldn’t be thinking about right now. He leans his face against Pride’s chest, and starts the process of sending curving tentacles of magic into his gate as carefully and as unnoticeably as possible. Ferris was Blue, the greatest user of Water magic in the world, and casting spells on a subject without them realizing was easy enough— especially when it was a body that Ferris knew very well. More or less. Pride has various minor differences from Subaru throughout his figure that flicker like red flags as Ferris gains the full measure of his form. Muscles built differently, no traces of Ferris’ own healing, a gate that wasn’t snapped. A gate that shone with the now-distinctive frequency that meant it was from another world.
Perhaps surprisingly, this was new information on Subaru to Ferris. He was from another world— it would explain why he knew nothing, why he’d never learned to fight, why he struggled to read despite clearly being educated. He simply had not been here, and had arrived recently only to immediately be caught up in one of the many disasters that targeted the Emilia Camp. Subaru’s Lady had held out her hand as he’d stepped into the light of an unknown world, and he’d sworn himself into her service in gratitude… yes, that reminded Ferris of something. More importantly, the other-world frequency inside Pride’s gate was fundamentally different than Subaru’s, meaning he could be split off from things that affected his old world, much like how Felix had been cured of the effects of Gluttony. Now, what could possibly happen if Pride or Subaru died, and how could Ferris prevent it?
“Hm? Blue, what are you doing?” Pride asks, and Ferris’ fingers tighten on his target’s tracksuit. This wasn’t Subaru— but it was a version of him, and Subaru had a track record of noticing little things only to bring them up for great use later. Pride would need to be distracted.
“Do you love anyone?” Ferris blurts out, and then hisses to himself, because that’s a question he’d been meaning to ask the real Subaru. Even though he already knew the answer.
“I love Emilia, of course,” Pride says; there is nothing else that could possibly be said. “I love how kind she is, how beautiful, how much light her presence brings. She’s the only one who can rule this country— caring about others so selflessly, I’ll make sure that she can save the world, just like she wants. She’d never want it like this, but that’s just how it is. And it’s the kind of future His Highness would look forward to. Don’t you forget that. Ha!” It is not hard to say that in a world where Crusch did not exist, Emilia would have the kind of ideals Fourier would admire, but this is a world where Crusch exists and so everything Pride says is a terrible sacrilege. To burn down the world for a woman who did not even know his name— every word that Pride speaks proves just how departed he is from the Subaru that Ferris knows and loves. Loves as a friend! (Probably.) The more that Ferris hears from Pride, the more disgusted he becomes, but then he remembers Felix and doesn't know what to do with himself. For Felix to be so useless, to be manipulated into murdering his best friend and easily dragged around by a man like this— Ferris knew how much he depended on Crusch, but he couldn’t stand this! He was supposed to support her, but without her presence he was nothing at all! Ferris had to be better than that. He had to live an existence he was proud of.
Pride, despite his name, was not proud of himself at all. Was the same true for Subaru?
Ferris reaches with his magic right into the discrepancy that flickered beside Pride’s soul, past what he’d set up to yank out the contract with the Fire spirit if it ever appeared, and wraps a metaphorical hand around what very much does not belong before pressing the memory of the real Subaru’s gate right into it. He doesn’t know what he expected to happen, but the world suddenly dropping into utter darkness isn’t it. Pride freezes in his hold, and Ferris pulls back and stares at him only to look around and realize that everything has stopped. There is a strange purple light creeping at the edges of all the shadow, flickering and twisting into a humanoid figure that towers over him. It is shadowed, it has lamplights for eyes and its limbs trail tendrils of utter black, but there is a recognizability to it that almost makes Ferris’ heart stop. The Witch of Envy has appeared, and she reaches out with glimmering magenta claws not towards Ferris but towards Pride.
Who… is this? This is not… Satella is confused, Ferris realizes with horror.
“He’s from another world,” Ferris says, and he’s not sure why he says it.
He is not mine, Satella says, and it sounds like a furious agreement. This is not his. She reaches into Pride’s chest, and pulls out something that shines with unimaginable light. There is a star in the living room! And you… Satella turns towards Ferris and he stares up at her in terror, unwilling to move. You belong to my beloved. Satella pats Ferris on the head, and everything goes even darker than before.
***
“Blue. Blue, wake up.” Ferris startles awake to find his face pressed into the sofa cushions; Pride is standing over him, looking exasperated. “You fell asleep, but it’s time to go now.”
“What?” Ferris asks. Had all that been a dream? He immediately reaches out towards Pride, splaying a hand on his chest. The discrepancy was gone. Satella had removed something from Pride’s chest, why had she appeared? The Witch arrives to protect her Archbishop, perhaps, and then realizes he isn’t hers because he isn’t from this world at all. That made sense, maybe. But who was her beloved?
“Touchy, touchy,” Pride teases, picking Ferris’ hand off him. “Get up. You don’t want to keep your buddy Julius waiting, do you?” Ferris could kill Pride right here and now if he wanted, but there was still the fire spirit to deal with. He stands to his feet, brushing off his dress and still reeling. The actual Witch… Ferris shouldn’t take her words into account. He watches Pride cackling to himself, and hopes that Subaru isn’t having too bad of a time with Felix— these demented caricatures of themselves were making Ferris’ brain spin.
He follows Pride through some alleyways all the way to an abandoned bar, and then a bottle of poison is pressed into his hand. They’d known from Felix ahead of time exactly what poison, exactly what plan, but it was so cruel to feel the murder weapon within his hands as Pride smiles and tells Ferris how much His Highness would love him to murder his very best friend. He sounds like Subaru, he looks like Subaru, but Ferris has had this conversation before.
“Who’s this Prince that you keep talking about?” Subaru asks. “It’s just, you and Crusch keep bringing him up, so I’m guessing he’s important.” The memory-restoration sessions, incidentally, had led to some very personal memories being spoken of in front of a man who did not deserve to intrude upon them.
“His Highness Prince Fourier is the reason Crusch-sama and I wish to reinnyent this country. He was a very dear friend to both of us, and I’m very grateful that Crusch-sama is beginning to remember him,” Ferris says.
“That’s pretty cool. I don’t know much about the Dragon, but you can’t always depend on outside help. Sometimes you need to do what you can with what you have,” Subaru agrees, putting his hands behind his head. “And look at Crusch— we’re getting something done! I wish that Rem… do you think she’ll wake up after she gets all her memories back?”
“I hope so,” Ferris sighs. It was true that he’d found a solution to the despair of Crusch’s loss with his own hands, that the magic that Fourier had admired had pulled through. Even if Subaru was involved… Ferris couldn’t decide how to feel about the man anymore. They were far too similar to each other, and understanding was replacing hatred; you who would give everything for the one you love despite your weakness, can you stand strong without their power? Can you stand with each other instead? Can his strength be what will support you as you reinvent yourself while your god cannot respond?
“As long as you know what you’re living for… I love my friends. I’ve done so much for all of them. I wish I had a reason to keep on living beyond them, though, a reason to get up each day, to step out into the world. It sounds to me like your friend knew what he was living for. Do you think he’d be proud if you figured that out, too?” Subaru asks.
“Yes,” Ferris says, but he doesn’t think he ever will.
“I’ll help you figure that out as well I can,” Subaru offers. “Even if I haven’t gotten anywhere in that direction myself.”
“I can manyage on my own,” Ferris says. He never could.
“I bet. Just remember you’re my friend, Ferris,” Subaru says.
Ferris hadn’t understood in full what Subaru had meant then, but he knew now; what Subaru would do to save others, he would do to save Ferris as well. And Ferris is a healer, he has made it his purpose in life to save as many people as he can, but standing here now with poison in his hands he realizes why he had gone out of his way to help kill the Archbishop of Pride. The idea of a Subaru that was not his friend, that actively worked to harm him, was something that simply could not be. It was not the way that the world Ferris so loved to live in was supposed to exist. He had reached to save Fourier, to save Crusch, and to save Subaru; Pride’s world was one where Felix’s hands had reached none of these people and darkness had caved in around him. Ferris needed to drag what remained of that world into the light.
“I just have to make Julius drink the poison, right, Subaru-sama? That’s what His Highness would want? That’s what would make nyou happy?”
“Very good, Blue,” Pride says, patting Ferris on the ears. Ferris doesn’t want Pride to touch him, he doesn’t want to act like a broken version of himself, but the spirit contract still beats within Pride’s gate and Ferris needs to pull it away. He needs to fix everything in this world that he can reach.
“You can trust in me, Subaru!” Ferris says, smiling, and he’s not speaking to Pride. He’s speaking to the third person he’s ever met that has made him feel this kind of hope. He’s speaking to someone trapped in the same kind of darkness as he is, someone whose hand he can hold as they find their way out.
***
When Julius arrives, Ferris has long since threaded his magic through the deadly poison he’d been given, using his mastery over water to make sure it was as harmless as the wine it was poured into. The door to the bar swings open with a crash, and Julius strides in, looking wild and worried as though Ferris truly has been missing.
“Ferris!” he says, running up to him with a look of relief. “Where did you go? I was worried that you— well, it is no matter.” Julius sits down at the seat across from Ferris, eyes fixed upon him as though he’ll lose sight if he looks away. “You are well. That is all I need.”
“Julius… I have to talk to you,” Ferris says, and he pushes forward one of the wine glasses. Never dropping eye contact, Julius drinks from it, and Ferris has the very uncomfortable realization that Felix probably would have succeeded in killing Julius had he not been transported across worlds. The Finest Knight would always dive directly into anything, as deep as he could, for the friends that he cared for. It was admirable. “Have nyou ever loved anyone?” Julius almost spits out the wine, clearly not expecting that question. The two of them were merely to speak for a minute before the poison was supposed to take effect.
“That question is…” Julius trails off, and understanding appears in his eyes. “Do you remember a certain Internal Affairs Officer?” Now it’s Ferris’ turn to spit out his wine, because there’s only one person Julius could possibly be referring to. “There are many things I am not yet sure about, of course, but as our relationship stands…” Julius’ face grows slightly pink. “How about you?”
“I don’t knyow.” Ferris was really too greedy; he had loved Fourier, he loved Crusch, and now he might just love Subaru too. He couldn’t imagine a world without the Subaru he had come to befriend beside him.
“I believe you have some idea already,” Julius says, smiling kindly as he reaches out to place his gloved hand over Ferris’. “I believe most people have some idea, actually.” That’s it, Ferris needs to kill him. He’s supposed to be killing Julius anyway. Ferris sets his wineglass down, and raps twice on the table. Julius raises a single eyebrow, clearly entirely aware why Ferris has chosen to end the conversation, and then his entire body shudders as he brings a hand up to his mouth. Eyes blown open wide, Julius pitches backwards off his chair, sending his glass of wine shattering onto the floor as he lands with a heavy crash. He pushes himself up on shivering elbows, gasping and choking while hacking up red liquid. It resembled blood, but Ferris was unfortunately (?) aware that it was some sort of frankly disgusting tomato condiment Julius had kept within his glove. Ferris really didn’t know why Julius liked it— mayo was much better. Hearing Pride’s footsteps approaching, Ferris quickly takes precise magical control of Julius’ vein system to drain most of the blood from his face, making his skin pale and his lips blue. He might end up with a headache, but he’d be fine.
“I’m very sorry. I really didn’t want to do this,” Pride says, stalking back and forth with a triumphant grin as Julius convulses, putting on a very convincing show. When Pride pulls Ferris close to him, Julius’ eyes immediately flicker towards them in concern, but Ferris gives him a thumbs up. He’d managed thus far, after all. Eventually, Julius gets tired of drama, and his apparent death is immediately followed by Otto very nearly blowing his cover by almost saying Natsuki-san. Then he drops Julius on top of himself. Ferris needs better friends.
“That’s how it is, then,” Ferris says, breathing in deeply as Pride finally summons his fire spirit, allowing Ferris to start working on canceling the contract. World boundaries were very exclusive things. “Feels different.” Subaru’s contract with Beatrice had an entirely distinct sensation. Pride’s body twitches without him realizing, and Ferris remembers that Subaru noticed things— Pride would have to be distracted! “Have nyou ever killed a friend?” It occurs to Ferris, as he listens to Pride’s deranged yapping, that he and his friends will be killing a man with Subaru’s face. He didn’t want that image to be stuck in his memory. Pride going and saying something almost exactly like what Subaru had, also, is what drives Ferris to make the final adjustment and snap the otherworldly spirit away from its contractor’s gate. Pride stutters in confusion, and Subaru and Julius appear to corner him; so shocked and baffled is he that he doesn’t have the presence of mind to react before Ferris paralyzes him.
“That’s for what nyou did to Felix,” Ferris hisses. Pride glances from Ferris to Subaru to Julius in quick succession, face twisting.
“Go on, kill me,” he says, practically daring them. Julius draws his sword in one smooth movement, placing the point at Pride’s neck. Pride meets his eyes defiantly, no fear in his expression; he is unaware that whatever death-activated contingency he had, it is now gone.
“I feel bad for you,” Subaru says. “Can’t believe I could ever end up like… maybe we should just capture him, help him see sense? He’s not a threat anymore.”
“He attempted to manipulate Ferris into murdering me,” Julius points out. “Why would you do such a thing? Why are you evil?”
“Everything I do, I do for my King! Because I love Emilia!” Pride shouts out, and Ferris has had enough of the pathetic, delusional murderer wearing his loved one’s face.
“No,” he snarls. “No. You do nyot love Emilia— you have never loved her, you are merely chasing after an ideal that doesn’t exist!” This was something Ferris knew to decry all too well; Emilia was Pride’s Divine Dragon. “You’ve deluded yourself into believing it’s the only path, but you know nothing. This is nyot your world— this is a world where Natsuki Subaru is Emilia’s knight.” The real Subaru loved Emilia, because just like Ferris, the both of them had so much love to give to the people who had saved them. Ferris knows, deep in his heart, that he and Subaru will be inseparable once they finally save each other.
“WHAT?” Pride shouts, staring at Subaru. “No, there’s no way—“
“This is a world where Crusch-sama still lives, where Subaru and I saved her together. You’re disgusting, Pride, because you don’t knyow anything about kindness and love. There is no space for you here. Even so…” The kindest magic in the world. A future worth reaching for. A life Ferris could be proud of. “I want to heal everymeown I can reach.”
“No! No, just kill me!” Pride asks. “I can’t— you can’t say that— I’ll kill you!”
“Sorry, but I’m the only one allowed to Return in this world,” Subaru says, and Ferris doesn’t know what that means, but Pride cries out in horrified fear. “For you, there’s no coming back.”
“Can you knock him out all the way?” Julius asks. Ferris reaches down and obliges. “It seems we are keeping him.”
“Is it over yet?” Otto asks, looking around the edge of the alleyway, and is that— ketchup on his face? Ferris erases every mental image that crops up in his head, but very quickly finds them replaced with a different vision.
“Not quite,” Ferris says. He grabs Subaru and pulls him into a hug. “I missed nyou. That guy is horrible.”
“Missed you too,” Subaru says, and his fingers feel just right on Ferris’ ears. “You really want to heal him, too?”
“I don’t believe either of us would have gotten to where we are nyow if we hadn’t been healed ourselves,” Ferris says. “And I don’t think I could continue on if I didn’t live in a way that I loved.” At the end of the day, there was a reason why Ferris was known as Blue. Even when Felix had lost everything, ‘Blue’ was something he had still kept. There was no greater answer than that which Ferris had known this whole time.
“It’s my turn next, then,” Subaru laughs.
“What?” Ferris asks, confused.
“To find a reason to love living. I’ve always wanted to save everyone, and with you I feel like I can. I feel like I’m being saved, too,” Subaru says, and they’re in a dark wet alleyway in the middle of the night but Ferris has rarely felt this much light. It’s not enough, of course, and both he and Subaru still have a long path ahead of them until they can truly stand on their own in the sun, but it’s okay for now.
“You’d better find a reason, because you aren’t going anywhere.” Ferris says. “Living in a way that I love involves you.”
THE END