Chapter Text
When Minho doesn't make it, he doesn't tell his parents.
Not his friends at university or the other guys from the dance academy. Not even that one particularly loyal regular at his part time job, an elderly woman, who always sneaks him a little higher tips than what's considered a usual amount, and tells him that he was made to be on TV.
Instead, he keeps it hidden away like a diary, a folded letter stuck into a tiny crevice of his mind, dusty and forgotten. And when the sole physical trace has long been eradicated from his laptop, the only thing that stays is the disappointment.
So, he puts on a smile, and he keeps showing up at that ramen place he hates and laughs when a customer makes one or the other untasteful joke. He swaps the apron for his uniform and sits in university, nods along when the professor explains topics he couldn't care less about and acts apologetic when his grades keep on plummeting.
He can pretend that nothing happened. That the pain doesn't still linger, that it doesn't gnaw on his inner core every second that he's alive. Only at night does he allow himself to indulge, to imagine a different reality in which he chases after his dreams, even when every dawn pulls him awake into the same grim routine of a life spent, but never truly lived.
Because the world didn't end when Minho failed his audition, even if it feels like it did.
And life continues, as it tends to do.
Weeks turn into months and what once was early summer gives way to the unmistakable autumn charm of the first few crunchy leaves lining the pavement of the university campus, even if the gardeners do their very best to keep it spotless. The temperature, it seems, had missed the memo, and even two weeks into the fall semester, Minho still spends class draped over his table, his pristine white undershirt partly unbuttoned from the sweltering heat, and sweat pearling on the top of his forehead.
He barely thinks about his dream anymore, is what he tells himself. It's easier to lie than to accept that the memory still stings, and as a result, Minho has resorted to busying his mind with literally anything else. Which, unfortunately, has led to him severely tarnishing his reputation as a model student.
And while he is not a class clown per sé, no one needed to know about his little meeting with the guidance counsellor, who interrogated him about his falling off to this extent of even asking if everything is okay at home - something Minho had gracefully answered in the affirmative.
It's just another day and the professor strides in, right as Minho prepares himself for the usual bleak hour of algebra, when an unfamiliar figure appears in the doorframe and then, ever so cautiously, enters the room directly behind her.
Minho's curiosity is piqued just enough to observe the newcomer, who now nervously kneads his upper right arm with his left hand, eyes darting across the room. He seems to spot an empty seat at the front, which now grants Minho the opportunity to take a closer look at the other's short brown hair and his messily knotted tie. A small grin forms on his lips. Someone must have been in a hurry this morning.
But soon, his focus shifts. After all, this guy is just another student. Just one of the typical latecomers, the ones that no one really pays any mind to. At least that's what Minho thinks, up until that one moment after class, when he tries to slip out the door unnoticed and an obnoxious voice rings after him.
"Yang Minho?"
Immediately, he freezes on the spot. A few heavy moments pass and then, deliberately slowly, he turns back, coming face to face with the professor. Affectionately referred to as 'the dragon', she certainly does live up to her name, because her eyes sparkle with all the fury of a middle-aged woman damned to teach algebra to a bunch of mediocre Gen Z students.
What's more interesting to Minho, however, is the fact that the new guy had seemingly stayed behind after class as well, and now awkwardly shuffles his feet next to the large wooden desk.
"I was hoping we could have a quick conversation about your recent exam results."
This makes Minho snap his eyes back to the professor, who shoots him a disapproving look.
"You are aware that you are currently on the way to failing this class?"
"Um." Minho responds intelligently. The other guy is still purposefully avoiding his gaze and it almost seems like he'd rather be anywhere else right now. Minho doesn't blame him. He himself is rather irritated by the way he's being called out in front of this seemingly random classmate, but then again, he wouldn't be surprised if this was just another way of 'the dragon' acting out her sadistic ways.
"Nevertheless, I have decided to give you one last chance to make up the credits you need to pass." Now, she nods over at the other young man, who seems surprised at the sudden acknowledgement and inches closer. "Mr. Moon-"
"Jaeyun." Minho didn't expect the other man's voice to be this deep, but he is glad that he turns out to indeed be able to talk. The professor pays him no mind.
"-only recently started his education journey at this establishment. I figured it would be appreciated if you not only showed him around campus, but also the city as a whole."
Minho opens his mouth to protest, but the professor is faster.
"View this as a sort of 'final project' about tourism. I'd of course like you to prepare a presentation on this topic. Since this is algebra, I am expecting statistics."
She forces a smile at him, but her eyes say 'this is your last chance'. Minho doesn't dare to complain.
***
When the professor exists, it's like a weight is lifted off Jaeyun's chest. It had been far from comfortable, sitting in her cramped office, and he still feels drowsy from the overwhelming scent of her perfume. He had only wanted to introduce himself, really, but suddenly he was being pulled into a buddy-system ploy with some other guy, who was apparently struggling at even the simplest concepts of math equations.
Jaeyun turns back to Minho, who doesn't look as disinterested as he had feared at first. The air between them is still tense with awkwardness and Jaeyun allows himself to endure it just a little longer, in order to fully take in his newly appointed 'tour guide'.
The guy in front of him looks disheveled at best, with his wrinkled undershirt fully untucked from his pants. Even the dark blue blazer has seen far better days, Jaeyun notes, but the way his classmate presents himself seems almost practiced, as if deliberately trying - and failing - to portray the image of an unruly student. He strikes Jaeyun as a sort of odd character, friendly but not someone he'd particularly love being associated with, and since it had been his goal to rather stay in the background anyway, he tells him:
"You really don't need to do that."
Jaeyun shifts from one foot to the other and when Minho only throws him a questioning glance he jumps to elaborate.
"I have lived here for years." He now explains, mirroring the other and leaning against the teacher's desk. "I moved back a few months ago and now I'm starting uni for the fall semester."
Minho is either genuinely interested or at the very least polite enough to pretend he cares, because he cocks his head in question.
"Where did you live before?"
"New Zealand." Jaeyun replies simply. "My family lives there."
"Well, unfortunately for you, you will still be stuck with me." Minho taps his fingers against the dark wood. "As you just heard I really need those credits."
"You've been a bad boy?" Jaeyun grins.
Minho rolls his eyes and Jaeyun doesn't fail to notice how he expertly changes the topic.
"So, why did you come back to Seoul?"
At that, he stalls. It's not that Jaeyun is a particularly secretive person, but disclosing his idol career to classmates - especially the ones he only just met - had never worked out well for him. Even though now that he had basically gotten the other forced upon him, his plans of staying 'undercover' are ruined anyway.
Minho, of course, isn't stupid and immediately picks up on Jaeyun's internal struggle, interrupting his inner monologue with:
"Fine, don't tell me then."
It is then, that Jaeyun finally and, admittedly, reluctantly admits he is a trainee at MNH Entertainment and a spark of something he can not quite define flashes across Minho's face.
"An idol?" Minho grins, but it doesn't feel demeaning at all. "Fancy. Don't forget me when you're famous."
"I'm only just a trainee." Jaeyun immediately retaliates. "I might not even debut at all."
"Well, you do have the looks for it." Minho flicks his chest.
It's less the sudden contact, but more the unexpected compliment that has Jaeyun taken aback. Then Minho's eyes widen in realization.
"Wait, I knew I recognized you from somewhere!"
It immediately dawns on Jaeyun, perhaps a bit quicker than he'd like to admit.
"You saw the video." He states, less as a question and more as a fact.
He of course remembers the shoot for the global audition project all too well, and even if the video turned out to full satisfaction, he really does not need anyone involved in his personal life to get their hands on it.
"Why are you surprised?" Minho asks, innocently batting his eyelashes. "It is publicly available, you know?"
Jaeyun huffs. "I'd just rather not have my new classmates find out about that, if you know what I mean."
Minho nods thoughtfully.
"Alright then. You let me show you around the beauty of downtown Seoul and my lips are sealed."
He pretends to lock his mouth with a key and expectantly meets Jaeyun's eyes. This prompts the other to step forward and ceremoniously hold out his hand.
"Deal."
The way they shake on it feels almost a bit too official.
***
Jaeyun leans against the rough stone surface of a shady street corner and waits for Minho to catch up to him. They're making their way through the downtown area, again, much to Jaeyun's dismay, because for some unknown reason, Minho keeps coming up with more and more of what he calls 'culturally significant sightseeing spots'. It's the third day of Jaeyun being dragged through the city, and even though it's starting to feel more like a chore than a feasible free time activity, he has to admit that the other guy had already kind of grown on him.
Even now, Minho is vibrating with a little too much enthusiasm than what Jaeyun would consider normal for a sweltering Friday afternoon, and points towards an unremarkable building on the other side of the street. Its facade is spotted with brown splodges and what must have once been teal paint is peeling off the rusty shutters.
"Looks cozy." Jaeyun comments, when the other looks at him expectantly.
"This is probably the most pivotal spot we have seen all day." Minho explains in a feigned serious tone. "The Whale."
Jaeyun takes note of the faded lines above the large wooden door, where 'The Whale' must have once proudly displayed its name in bold metal letters. Now, you can only guess what the tiny bar is called, from the spots that have been spared from the usual wear and tear of exposed wall paint.
"You could even call it a staple in our university's history." Minho says earnestly. "Iconic, if you will."
Jaeyun won't, but he doesn't say that and instead tries his best to not appear absolutely bored out of his mind. Minho either doesn't notice, or he doesn't care.
"Every student has been here at least once. It's basically a requirement at this point. Like a-"
"Initiation ritual?" Jaeyun guesses.
"Exactly!"
"I haven't been there before." He admits, and the words leave his mouth just before he realises the consequences this will have in store for him.
Minho actually gasps.
"Well I hate to break it to you, but then you're not actually a student here."
At this, Jaeyun rolls his eyes. "I don't think that's how that works."
"It is." Minho insists. "Which is why we are going there right now, come on."
But Jaeyun doesn't move a single muscle. "I'm not daydrinking."
"Fine." Minho crosses his arms. "Tonight then."
"I-"
"I'm not taking no for an answer."
Jaeyun sighs. "You're a real pain, do you know that?"
"So I've been told."
And despite his better judgement, Jaeyun eventually agrees.
He has nothing to wear, Jaeyun realises, while he lays out his entire wardrobe on the floor back at his dorm room that same evening. Half-heartedly, he lifts up a plaid shirt. Too formal, but the only alternative to the bunch of plain long sleeves and tracksuits he owns. Every now and then, he checks his phone. Minho, who had been eager to exchange numbers, was taking his sweet time to text him the exact address and the more time passes, the more Jaeyun realises that this might have been a bad idea. But it's too late to back out now and so he sits in the midst of mountains of fabric, frantically trying to find a suitable outfit.
When he opens his wardrobe for the third time, Matthew appears in the doorframe.
"You good?" He asks at the sight of Jaeyun cross-legged on the floor and raises one eyebrow.
"Fine." Jaeyun simply replies. Even though Matthew isn't a tattle tale, the last thing Jaeyun needs right now is his only roommate getting a whiff of his planned nighttime activities. Besides, sneaking out always comes with trouble, and this isn't something he wants to get the other involved in.
"You know." Matthew sits down on one of the few clothes-free spots on Jaeyun's bed. "I don't think this is the right time to turn this room into a walk-in closet, considering the new guys will be coming in a few weeks."
Jaeyun chews on his upper lip. It had been nice, having the dorm to themselves, but Matthew is right. With the new trainees arriving within the next few months the dorm will shortly be at full capacity and Jaeyun should get used to the idea of having to share his room sooner or later. But not now, and certainly not tonight. He turns towards Matthew.
"Very funny. You can at least help me."
The other only grins.
"Well, who are we trying to impress?"
Jaeyun pauses. "Am I not allowed to look presentable?"
"For what?"
"I have plans." An evasive answer that Matthew will definitely question, but Jaeyun doesn't have the brain capacity to both, keep his nosy roommate off his back and find some pants that don't clash with the bright red sweatshirt he's currently holding.
"Tonight?"
"Yes, tonight. Are you going to help me now or not?"
Matthew plucks a black cotton shirt off the floor.
"Please put that away." He directs at Jaeyun and instead shoves the dark fabric at him. "We can't have you looking like a tomato on your date."
"I am not going on a date."
"Hey." Matthew defensively raises his hands. "I won't tell anyone."
"I'm not!"
"I'm just saying, I'm glad that you're putting yourself out there-"
His phone chirps at the worst possible second and Jaeyun scrambles to his feet to snatch it off his pillow before Matthew even gets the chance. Still, the latter eagerly sits up and bats his eyelashes at him.
"Is that her?"
'Contact [Minho] has shared a location with you', the notification on his lock screen tells him. Jaeyun throws a quick glance at Matthew.
"I need to go."
Shoving all his clothes back into the wardrobe, he deliberately ignores Matthew's happy chattering behind him and at last slips the black shirt over his head. It's fine. He looks fine.
And Matthew looks like a proud father.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
"That doesn't rule out much…" Jaeyun mumbles. Then he's out of the door.
***
The alley where he is supposed to be meeting Minho in makes Jaeyun question whether he fell for a trafficking scheme and is about to get kidnapped.
While the narrow streets had already seemed sketchy by day, the sparse moonlight lulls the downtown nightlife into a horror-esque atmosphere and Jaeyun actually jumps as a slim figure appears by his side. When Minho slides into his view, it seems like he is almost glowing with excitement. The other is dressed in a pair of washed out jeans and his university hoodie, and Jaeyun is relieved that he won't seem as much out of place as he had feared.
"Do you always lure unsuspecting new students into dimly lit alleyways?" Is how he greets him.
Minho grins. "I would have picked you up at your place, but someone was oh so very against it."
Jaeyun mumbles some excuse about dorm rules, security and a roommate, who's way too invested in his private life.
"But you made it!" Minho beams at him.
"I almost thought I wouldn't." Jaeyun admits, sneaking a peek over his shoulder. "This place seems like a crime hotspot."
"Relax." The other's smile doesn't falter. "So far I haven't personally known any of the people who went missing around here."
"Hold on, what-"
But Minho isn't listening anymore and instead confidently struts inside, giving Jaeyun no other choice than to speed after him.
The inside of the bar doesn't look as shabby as its outside and Jaeyun considers that a major plus point. He is almost surprised by the rather atmospheric ocean optic greeting them as they step into the cramped space. The building's rustical, dark wooden structure is accentuated by the glistening blue and green tiles behind the bar and one or the other kitschy wall decor.
Strands of rope, woven together with opaque pieces of sea glass, hang down from the ceiling and brush against his shoulders. Across the opposite wall, a gigantic mosaic of a blue whale stretches and completes the mediterranean look.
The establishment itself is furnished with a whole lot of different antique stairs, each in different colours and shapes, as well as one or the other sofa, sporting particularly dark stains of substances that Jaeyun would rather not examine too closely.
He barely understands what Minho tells him over the lively chatter filling the room, and so the other pulls him along, guiding him to an upstairs terrace.
The slight breeze is a welcome relief from the stuffy air inside, and Jaeyun gladly takes the opportunity to sit outside, instead of being cramped in a room with a bunch of tipsy college students.
And even though they are located right in the city center, the stars above them twinkle in all the beauty the night sky has to offer. It takes everything for Jaeyun not to lose himself in the gracefulness of the milky way, and so he tears his eyes away.
He takes a seat at one of the open tables and lets his gaze wander across the small outside area. Apart from them, only a young couple has opted for the open air seats, and they are far enough away to be just out of earshot.
"I told you it's a nice place." Minho says when he notices Jaeyun taking in his surroundings, and the other nods.
"I apologize for my disgusting lack of faith."
As the night progresses, the air grows chilly, but the alcohol does its part in heating them up. And after a few bottles of soju lined up on their table, Minho is revealed to be an even more talkative conversation partner, when he has a few shots under his belt.
"So what would you do?" Minho looks at him with large round eyes. "If you weren't becoming an idol."
Jaeyun shrugs. "I never really thought about it."
"Booooring." Minho drags out the first vowel and then flicks his tongue. "You have to tell the truth. It's the rules for this bar."
"Is it?" Jaeyun raises an eyebrow. "I can't recall seeing a sign anywhere."
"I would never lie." Minho insists unconvincingly.
A comfortable silence spans between them and Jaeyun watches as the other cocks his head in thought.
"If I wasn't a student." Minho starts slowly. "Then I would be a singer."
"A singer?" Jaeyun snorts before he can stop himself.
"I can sing!" Minho immediately jumps to defend himself.
"Sure, sure." Jaeyun grins but Minho only shoots him a look. "What? I believe you!"
"Do you want me to prove it?"
"No, no, no please don't!" Jaeyun tries to hush him, because by now, the people sitting across the terrace are looking over at them.
"You're just scared I'll be better than you."
Jaeyun sighs. "That's exactly the reason."
Again it's quiet for a moment and Jaeyun looks down at his own drink. It's been a while since he'd been out like this and even though had way less of an alcohol intake than Minho, he can already feel a comfortable buzz setting in his stomach.
"I think you looked cool." Minho then says, a bit quieter now and Jaeyun is glad he had seemingly decided to keep the volume down. Though now rather confused, he looks down at himself, the dark cotton shirt, his pair of basic blue jeans and then meets Minho's eyes with a questioning look.
"The video." The other explains. "I don't think it’s embarrassing."
Jaeyun runs his fingers through his hair. "I thought we agreed you wouldn't watch it again."
"I didn't." Minho shoots him a lopsided smile. "I just have a good memory."
"How did you even find that in the first place?" Jaeyun now wonders. "We aren't exactly what I would call mainstream."
"Yet." Minho grins. "I guess I'm just …interested in that …stuff."
"K-Pop?" Jaeyun asks and Minho grimaces a bit. "You know it's not shameful to be a K-Pop fan, right?"
But Minho shrugs and turns his attention back to his glass.
"But why would you watch-" And that's when it finally dawns on Jaeyun.
"You auditioned." He states, as a fact, rather than a question.
Minho sighs, but he doesn't look at him. Instead, his gaze is directed into the night sky, tiny sparkling dots reflecting in the dark brown of his eyes, almost as if a swirling galaxy was captured inside. The way the vibe shifts into an almost melancholic atmosphere tells Jaeyun that it's probably better not to pry.
He doesn't expect Minho to speak up again so quickly.
"I'm sure you can tell that it didn't go that well."
Jaeyun nods, mainly because he entirely isn't sure how he should react and also, because literally anything he could say would only make this situation more uncomfortable. He silently curses himself for steering the conversation into this direction, but it's too late now.
"I really wanted it." Says Minho quietly, almost whispering, eyes fixed onto his half-drunken glass of soju. "I think that's what…" His voice trails off.
"I'm sorry." He says at last. "This is so awkward. I just don't have anyone else to talk to about it."
Jaeyun blinks in surprise. "You didn't tell anyone?"
Minho only shakes his head in response.
"What about your parents?"
Now, the other scoffs. "Are you kidding? My dad would actually kill me."
Jaeyun cocks his head. "For following your dream?"
"For not following the perfect future my parents pictured for me." Minho leans back, picks up another bottle and fills his glass back up to the brim.
"I would have told him eventually." He shoots Jaeyun a crooked grin. "If I had made it."
The bottle is empty now, and it makes a hollow 'clunk' when Minho sets it back onto the table.
"And you're just giving up like that?"
Jaeyun surprises himself with the way he challenges Minho, and even the other's eyes widen at the sudden confrontation.
"You think I chose this? What am I supposed to do?"
"So many people fail at first." Jaeyun argues. "It doesn't mean that it's over."
"I just don't think I can do it again." Minho says very quietly. "The whole-" He limply gestures with his hand.
It's clear that he doesn't mean the audition. He means the after. The waiting. The hoping. And ultimately, the disappointment. And then, what it does to him.
For the first time Jaeyun realises that behind this bubbly facade there's another universe hidden, full of thoughts and feelings, a whirlwind of aspirations and fears, the extent of which he might not ever understand.
"But what if you did have a second chance?" Jaeyun wants to know. "Would you take it?"
Minho slowly breathes in through his teeth, but he stays quiet. Just when he opens his mouth, they're interrupted by the server, bringing them another bottle.
Thankful, but also a tiny bit disappointed by the disruption, Jaeyun fills his glass and raises it.
"Cheers."
Almost a bit too eagerly, Minho clinks their glasses together and a bit of the clear liquid spills onto the table and seeps into the cloth.
"To all the second chances we'll never get."
"To another life." Jaeyun agrees. "Where we are singers together."
***
Minho is absolutely fucked.
Jaeyun isn't really sure how that even happened. Somehow, the bottles just kept coming and now, the other is laid out on the table, face flushed to the point of which it'd compete with that one sweater Jaeyun wasn't allowed to wear tonight, and all communication has been limited to grunts and the occasional incoherent blubbering.
Jaeyun checks his phone. 2:14 am. It's a Friday, well, Saturday now, so at the very least they won't have to show up at university tomorrow, and thankfully he did have the entire day next off from work. But still, he had to return to the dorm sooner than later, or Matthew would start asking questions. Questions Jaeyun would rather not answer.
Minho groans across the table and shifts Jaeyun's focus back onto him. Leaving him here is definitely not an option and since there is no way Minho is in any shape to find the way home on his own, Jaeyun sighs and unlocks his phone to send the other back in an Uber.
For a split second his thumb ghosts over the screen, but then suddenly, and very painfully, he becomes aware of a particular problem. He doesn't know where Minho lives. Sure, the other had mentioned taking the bus to university every day and some slightly run-down convenience store at a nearby corner, but Jaeyun wasn't about to play detective in the middle of the night.
He sighs. There is only one option left.
And so, about twenty minutes later, Jaeyun struggles to punch in the code to the dorm's front door, with a completely hammered Minho hanging off his left arm.