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“What’s your future going to look like? Anything family-related in planning?” The interviewer leans in as she speaks, holding the microphone into Jakob’s face, so close it feels less like a question and more like an interrogation. His mind goes blank and for a moment he simply stands there, frozen, until he feels Kevin’s hand come to a rest on the small of his back, until he feels Axel’s elbow brush gently against his own.
“We’re—” Jakob begins, then he corrects himself. His mouth bends into a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “No comment. I have nothing to say about this.”
The interviewer narrows her eyes for a second, then she shifts her attention to the men by his side. Jakob continues to force a smile through clenched teeth, nodding along to the rest of the interview and he keeps himself together, somehow, listening to Kevin and Axel navigate the same tired, probing questions with a rehearsed perfection, before they move on, spending a couple minutes in a quiet corner, staring at the watches on their wrists, then staring blankly ahead, readjusting, before Jakob feels another tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find another microphone in front of him invading his personal space. “Who are the lucky ladies by your side? Or maybe—?" the reporter asks, raising a curious eyebrow. A nervous giggle slips out of Jakob’s mouth and before he can reply, Axel leans into him, their shoulders pressing together, and Axel weaves an answer that skillfully changes the topic as he redirects the attention of the camera towards himself.
Jakob listens, but only half-heartedly, which he would come to regret later, he reckons. He could learn a thing or two, memorize all the little exits and anecdotes, but for the moment he just relies on Kevin’s and Axel’s presence, enjoying the feeling of their shared warmth seeping through their clothes whenever they lean over and shield him from the noise. He’s grown up with a camera held into his face, has always enjoyed a moderate level of fame through all his life, but this was still quite different, and uncomfortable, and annoying, the questions about their relationship now in the open instead of being resigned to quiet whispers behind their backs.
Jakob sighs and wipes away the sweat on his forehead and he blinks a couple of times. His whole body shivers, the reality in front of him hitting him like a cup of unsweetened black coffee, the kind Axel liked much more than he did. Jakob turns his head and takes a look around the hall, noticing that he’s already forgotten why they were here in the first place. Some awards show, maybe. A couple meters away from them is another man, crowded in by cameras. He looks familiar, Jakob believes, he’s seen him on TV several times. A bit further away stands a famous Swedish singer, her dress glittering distractingly beneath the lights. His eyes linger on her for a moment as he wonders whether she’s currently answering the same invasive questions as well.
Then he looks at Axel again, who is laughing at one of his own jokes, wrapping yet another reporter around his finger with that charming smile of his. Axel notices Jakob looking at him and turns his head, and his smile stretches even wider, into something more genuine, as he mouths an inaudible “almost” towards him, as he feels Axel’s fingers brush his own, wrapping them around his palm and giving it a firm squeeze, retreating them way too quickly for Jakob to react in kind. Jakob instinctively reaches out his arm, chasing the warmth of Axel’s hand, then lets it fall numbly to his side again, suddenly aware of all the cameras around them.
In the next moment Jakob feels Kevin’s hand on his back again, gently pushing him forward, as he leans down and whispers into Jakob’s ear “That was the last one.” Then he and Axel pass by him to lead the way, Jakob trailing close behind, as their make their way through the crowd of celebrities and journalists, through the mass of cameras, through the sea of tabloids, through the countless comments on their social media pages, through the endless barrage of questions from friends and acquaintances, through the dozens of cities and venues of their tour, until they find themselves back in their hotel room in Stockholm, where it all began.
Kevin closes the door behind them and flicks on the lights as the world around them finally falls into silence.
“I don’t know why they keep asking these questions,” Jakob says, toeing off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket and tie, tossing them onto the floor before letting himself fall backwards onto the bed. “Just the same things over and over again. Family this, children that. Why do they care so much?”
“Mh,” Axel hums as slides his jacket off his shoulder, then he loosens his tie and pulls it over his head, letting both fall carelessly to the ground. He exhales slowly through his nose, clearly feeling the exhaustion too. “I guess we are at that age.”
“What do you mean?”
“We are at the stage of life where people expect you to start settling down,” Kevin says. He slides his jacket off more carefully, neatly hanging it up on a coat hanger, before turning around to face Jakob again. Jakob meets Kevin’s eyes, still warm and kind and gentle, but dimmer than they had been earlier in the week. Maybe even dimmer than they had been earlier in the year. “The press is going to get curious about our private lives. We’re much more visible than we were ever before. I don’t like these questions either, but… we should probably get used to them now.”
“Can’t they just let us live?” Jakob sighs and runs a hand over his tired face. Then his mouth curves into a weary smile. “And let’s be honest, Kevin would be the only one capable of being a dad anyway.”
“Well, I am the most patient one of us.”
“Hey, I’m pretty sure I’d be a fucking fantastic father.”
“You’d just spoil your child rotten. Trust me, a toddler doesn’t need to wear Marimekko.”
“At least I wouldn’t be feeding my kid only chocolate and cake.”
“At least my kid wouldn’t need—”
“Now, let’s calm down, I’m sure we would all make great parents.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Might be nice, you know. Starting a family.”
“No. We can't."
“Mhm. Just saying that it might be nice.”
“I’m looking forward to enjoying my life without kids, thank you very much.”
“What if you change your mind?”
“Make me, then.”
Axel stands at the end of the bed now, his white shirt half-unbuttoned. His breathing is strained, a pink flush peaking out underneath the white fabric. And for a moment neither of them move, lost in the space between argument and arousal.
Axel opens his mouth, and before he can say anything, Jakob stretches out his hands, curling his fingers into Axel’s collar and yanks him forward, pulling him onto the bed, and onto himself. The mattress dips under them and a wordless gasp slips out of Jakob’s mouth, as Axel’s weight presses him into the sheets, feeling the heat of his body slowly trickle into him. Axel lifts his arm, wanting to adjust his glasses and Jakob pushes his hands up Axel’s arms, along his shoulders and wraps them around his neck, tilting his head, and then he feels Axel’s lips on his own.
Axel lets out a surprised sigh against Jakob’s mouth and the tension between them quickly melts into smiles and giggles slipping out between breaths as they kiss again and again. Jakob feels Axel’s nose dig into his cheek, his beard prickling against his skin, as he tilts his head back, as he opens his mouth and lets Axel’s tongue inside, as they kiss open-mouthed to be even closer to each other.
“God, it's been so long,” Jakob breathes out between kisses, grinning still, and he sees a perfect mirror image of himself in Axel, cheeks tinted red, uneven, shallow breaths escaping through reddened lips and pupils blown wide enough to only leave visible a small ring of those blue irises. And he feels it, too, the way Axel’s fingers work open the buttons on Jakob’s shirt, slipping under the fabric, teasingly pushing his fingers up his ribs, up to his nipple, where they pinch down, drawing a whine out of Jakob’s mouth and making his whole body flinch, the way Axel pushes open Jakob’s legs with his knee, the way Axel’s growing erection is grinding against his own.
“We've been quite busy,” Kevin says and he raises an eyebrow, a thin smile forming on his lips. He sits on the bed next to them and cards a hand through Jakob’s hair, slowly moving his fingers down until his palm cups Jakob’s face, his thumb drawing circles into his cheek. Jakob tilts his head to the side, letting its full weight fall into Kevin’s hand, letting all the dozens of tired nights they’ve spent retreating to their hotel rooms, too exhausted for even a kiss, too tired for even the smallest of gestures, drain out of him.
“And hotel walls are not known for their thickness,” Kevin adds and Axel shifts his weight on top of Jakob, increasing the pressure between his legs, and Jakob moans into Kevin’s palm, feeling his own voice vibrate against the hollow of his hand.
“Fuck, Jakob”, Axel says, panting. He puts a leg between Jakob’s thighs and leans down again, bringing his face closer. He kisses him again, slow and languid, and his voice turns into a purr. “Might just have to put a baby inside you if you keep moaning like such a little whore.”
“Really?” Jakob says flatly and raises his eyebrows incredulously. “This is how you've decided to sweet talk me?”
"God's sake,” Axel huffs. He sits up. “At least try to play along a little.”
“I’m just teasing you,” Jakob says, propping himself up on his elbows, then he winks clumsily, mouth stretched into a coy smile, fully aware of the effect he has on Axel, and Jakob sees Axel’s expression soften again. Jakob purses his lips, then he adds “But just to make sure, you do know that I can’t get pregnant, right?”
Axel sighs and rolls his eyes, and Jakob unmistakingly hears Axel swear again under his breath, before he clears his throat. He removes Jakob’s shirt and places a hand on his chest and Jakob lets himself get pushed into the mattress again, offering no resistance against the warm hand resting on his body. And Jakob has always liked it, getting managed by Axel, liked being taken away and taken care of by him, and it feels good, the way Axel leads him through their life, as does the way he leads him to bed.
“Can’t believe you wanted a body this fertile to go to waste,” Axel says, his hands sliding down his sternum, ghosting along Jakob’s waist, his touch rippling through Jakob’s body like electricity, spreading towards the painful swelling in his pants. Axel’s hand comes to a rest at the dip of his hip bones and he pushes his fingers into the soft skin above Jakob’s belt. “Those hips were made to bear our children.”
Axel works open Jakob’s belt, flicks open the button of his pants and his fingers slide beneath the fabric, and Jakob’s hips buck involuntarily against Axel’s hand. “We’re going to knock you up so many times. We’ll make enough for an entire choir.”
“Oh— That’s— That’s a lot,” Jakob giggles, wondering whether Axel is trying to seduce him or make him laugh, probably both, he figures. But it’s working either way, Jakob notices, as he lifts his hips, arching his back off the bed once he feels Axel’s fingers brush against his still clothed, half-hard cock, and Axel pulls down Jakob’s pants, removing another layer between them.
Kevin’s hand moves back to card Jakob’s hair, removing the wet strands that were clinging to his forehead. Jakob suddenly feels long fingers under his chin and Axel vanishes from his sight as Kevin tilts Jakob’s head back.
“I want to create life with you”, Kevin says, locking eyes with Jakob, and his broad hand drifts towards Jakob’s abdomen, lingering there, his thumb stroking slow, reverent circles into his belly, as if he was already staking claims on their shared future, and Jakob feels his world narrow, feels himself getting sucked into Kevin’s gaze, unable to tear away from him. Kevin removes his hand again and in the corner of his eye, Jakob sees Axel spit into Kevin’s palm.
“I want to come home knowing you’re there, waiting for me. I want to wake up every morning with you in my arms. I want the three of us growing old together, surrounded by our children, and their children. There is no one I’d rather share this miracle with than you,” Kevin says, calm and quiet and a little demanding, the warmth of his voice spilling directly into Jakob’s mind.
And for a moment Jakob almost believes it, indulges in the thought that there might be something to this, and for a moment this fantasy feels almost real, and he says “that sounds nice”. After all Kevin has always been so good and patient with him, never asking for much, so maybe he should let him have everything he wants, just this once, Jakob thinks briefly, but those thoughts slip away as quickly as they came when Kevin slides his fingers below the waistband of Jakob’s boxers and he shudders when he feels a hand, hot and wet with Axel’s spit, wrap around his cock. Jakob opens his mouth to gasp and Kevin captures him with his lips, drowning out his delightful sounds, as his slick, saliva-covered fingers begin pumping his shaft.
“Tsk,” Axel exhales, getting off the bed to remove his clothes and glasses, and Kevin chuckles in response, the corners of his mouth curling up against Jakob’s lips. And even though Jakob can’t see it, judging by the short, hitched huffs coming out of his mouth, he knows Axel is pouting.
When Jakob tears away from Kevin he sees Axel looking at him, beautiful and beautifully naked, with his swollen cock in his hand, his breathing elevated and his lips stretched into a thin, sore line, and Jakob smiles coyly as Axel sucks in a sharp breath. Jakob’s grin turns wider, kissing Kevin open-mouthed and hungry, licking himself into him and tasting the salt of his skin, placing a hand on his neck to pull him in closer, teasingly running his teeth along his bottom lip, all while Kevin is doing good work on Jakob’s cock, as he swipes over the tip with his thumb to collect the precum, bringing it down to lessen the friction between them, each long stroke bringing Jakob closer to his full length, his hips chasing needily after Kevin’s fist.
Kevin pulls his hand back, an aching whimper escaping Jakob’s lips, as he switches places with Axel. Jakob sees Kevin undressing, then he takes a small bottle out of one of their bags.
“God, you’re soaked down there,” Axel says, eyeing the wet spot leaking through his underwear, before pulling off Jakob’s boxers, and Jakob shivers as his cock springs free. “So wet just for us.”
Axel leans over him, a damp layer of sweat covering his pale skin. A bead of sweat rolls down Axel’s jaw and Jakob has half a mind to catch it with his tongue as his eyes watch it pass by the mole on his neck, past the curve of his collarbones, further down the hollow of his throat, to his chest, to his abdomen, vanishing in the thin trail of dark hair leading right towards— “God,” Jakob hisses as Axel runs his wet tongue hot along the entire length of Jakob’s cock in one searing stroke, and Jakob shudders again, suddenly all too aware of the tingling sensation below stomach growing more intense.
Axel chuckles, his low voice vibrating against Jakob’s flush skin, and pulls away again, getting off the bed.
Then Axel drops to his knees.
“You don’t have—” Jakob says and his eyes go wide.
“I want to”, Axel says and he taps his fingers onto the edge of the bed, beckoning Jakob to come closer. “You’ve been working so hard for us.”
He blinks at Axel, at the sight of him kneeling in front of him, and he feels lightheaded, and he feels like he can’t breathe anymore, and he feels a little hesitant all at once, but Jakob still moves forward and sits where Axel kneels in front of him, spreading his thighs for him. Axel begins by pressing his lips on the inseam of Jakob’s thighs, his hand curling around his leg, fingers digging into the soft skin. Then Jakob invites Axel’s mouth to come closer by parting his legs wider for him, surrendering to the drag of Axel’s tongue against his sensitive skin, his mouth leaving a wet, hot trail along the inside of his thighs, feeling the fine hairs of his beard tickle against his skin, his lips placing reverent kisses along the way, sucking in bright red bruises as he draws closer towards him, until Jakob feels his warm breath against the hair curling below his stomach.
Axel runs his mouth up the length of Jakob’s cock again, his tongue drawing circles along the tip, then he takes Jakob in, about a little past the head, and he’s careful, wrapping his lips around his teeth, as he presses his tongue flat against the pulsating veins of Jakob’s cock, eliciting another groan out of Jakob’s throat. Jakob closes his eyes and throws his head back, his hips twitching under Axel’s mouth, and when he looks down again, he sees the corners of Axel’s lips curl into a smile, pre-cum and his own spit smearing across his beard, hollowing his rose-colored cheeks, before he starts moving, slowly and agonizingly, the suction of his mouth lifting Jakob’s hips off the bed.
“God—,” Jakob hisses, as every drag of Axel's mouth tightens the knot in his stomach, as his thighs tremble close to Axel's ears, and he hadn’t even noticed Kevin joining them again, until he feels Kevin’s warm chest pressed against body as he holds Jakob in his arms, stroking his skin, whispering soothing words into his ear and Jakob tries to remain still, until the sight of his cock disappearing into Axel’s mouth becomes almost unbearable and Jakob’s hand moves from the back of Axel’s head towards his neck, the other fists white-knuckled into the sheets, and he grinds his teeth, and he has to stop himself from grabbing his neck to push his head down, shove his entire length down Axel’s mouth and fuck into the tight heat of his throat hard and fast, wanting to get devoured, wanting to crawl into him and be kept safe and warm and satisfied inside him, and he knows that he shouldn’t, that he’s too much, but Jakob’s hips rock forward without his consent, and Axel starts choking, the vibrations around his cock sending a rippling sensation through Jakob’s lower body.
“Axel— I— I can’t, I’m—” Jakob gasps, half a moan, half a plea, and his grip on Axel’s head grows fiercer, feeling Axel involuntarily flinch under him as he digs his fingers into the soft skin at the nape of his neck. And it’s the only signal Jakob gets before Axel suddenly pulls off with a distinct pop, a trail of saliva connecting his thin, reddened lips to the swollen head of Jakob’s dick, looking at him through red-rimmed, teary eyes, leaving his lower body pulsing for more.
“Fuck—”, Jakob stutters out and Axel’s lips stretch into a smug grin as Jakob locks eyes with him, open-mouthed and breathless, and Axel commands “Lie down again”, the raspy drawl of his voice shooting straight through his brain into his desperatley twitching cock.
Jakob obeys without wasting another thought, his body moving instinctively, and Axel’s thin smile grows wider, relishing in the helpless, pliant state he’s driven Jakob to. Jakob moves his body further back onto the bed again, scrambling backwards until his head hits the pillow under him. Axel follows him slowly, and kneels on the bed, putting his hands on Jakob's knees, and with a possessive tug he angles Jakob’s legs and spreads them apart, then Axel swings one of Jakob’s legs over his shoulder, fully exposing Jakob’s hole.
Kevin coats Axel’s outstretched fingers with lube, then he places a hand on top of Jakob’s other knee, as if he was holding him in place, preparing him for what was about to come. Axel positions himself in front of Jakob and then his wet finger sinks into him, stopping about halfway as Jakob draws in a sharp breath, as he adjusts to the familiar sensation. Jakob feels Axel’s calloused finger prod his insides, thrusting it forward at a slow pace, and he lets Jakob adjust around him, before sinking his finger in deeper, the rim of Jakob’s hole twitching needily around it, sucking and pulling Axel further inside, taking him in as far as possible.
“So fucking greedy,” Axel says, low and breathy, the dizzying drone of his voice echoing through Jakob's body, and he moans through giggles, barely catching his breath, as Axel’s thrusts pick up their pace, each one going deeper.
“Oh!” Jakob bites back a gasp and he tenses as a second finger slides into him. It reaches further than the first finger, exploring his walls into a different direction and when he tilts his head he sees Kevin crouching next to Axel, furrowing his brow as he gently rocks his hand into Jakob’s ass.
“Relax”, Kevin says, barely a whisper, as his finger moves efficiently and methodically, too used to this territory for the need for exploration, brushing so agonizingly close the nerve ends that make Jakob squirm. “You’re taking us so well already.”
The contrast feels mind-bending. Axel, rough and teasing and utterly addictive, each thrust accompanied by a stretched chuckle, and Kevin, gently gliding in and out like warm honey, that long finger of his reaching into the depths of his mind, each word towards him echoing softer than the last, and both of them are tugging him into different directions, each staking their claims, and Jakob feels like he's getting split in two as his hole gets stretched wider, as the sensation both of his partners inside him sends a shiver up his spine, spreading towards his limbs, slipping out of his mouth in the form of a wordless gasp.
“Want a third?” Axel asks, tantalizingly curling his finger up, and Jakob throws his head back again, his body reacting in kind, arching towards his bandmates. Kevin runs his hand up Jakob’s inner thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze and says “Tell us if you need a break” at the same time as Axel adds “One of mine or one of Kevin’s?”
“Don’t care,” Jakob says. “Just hurry up,” he whines and needily bucks his hips against his partners’ fists again, chasing more of the delicious friction against his walls.
“You really are an insatiable glutton,” Axel says, voice low and stretched. Once again his words shoot straight towards Jakob’s neglected cock, making it throb against his stomach. A third slicked up finger pushes past his rim and judging by the length and callouses Jakob knew it was another one of Axel’s. “God, you’re shaking. You want us to fill you up with our seed that badly, huh?”
“I want—” Jakob whines, a broken sound bubbling on his lips. He can barely hear his own voice over the blood pulsating in his ears, over the echo of his heart hammering in his chest, over the obscene sounds of his partners’ fingers fucking him open, now finally matching each others’ pace. Axel’s fingers curling upwards and Kevin agonizingly brushes past his sweet spot with every drag, and Jakob gasps “Axel, please—”, breathless and pleading, his body writhing at the mercy of his partners, and Axel’s mouth curls into a smile, teeth showing, and Jakob moans, unable to catch his breath, and he is sobbing, and he wants to come, unable to form the words his partners are waiting to hear.
“Take your time,” Kevin says. His hand still rests on Jakob’s thigh. “You can do it,” he says, warm and breathy, and his hand slides up along Jakob’s leg, coming to a stop on Jakob’s hip bone, and he opens his palm. Jakob’s fingers find his and he gently laces their hands together, perfectly slotting into each other, like they’ve done so for the past 15 odd years. Kevin’s thumb brushes light, calming circles into the back of Jakob’s hand, still fucking into him with his other hand. Then he leans in, taking Jakob’s hand and placing a kiss into his palm, smiling pleasantly at him through gentle green eyes, and Jakob feels the static inside his ears dissipating, and he feels his mind going blank, and he feels like he can breathe again, and he says:
“I want you two to fuck me.”
The energy in the room shifts, and so does Jakob's body. Two pairs of hands are roaming his body as they turn him around, and he feels electricity shoot through him where calloused fingertips meet his skin, palms of broad hands flatten against his shoulders, pushing him face down ass up into the mattress, another pair of hands are firmly grabbing his butt, rough fingers kneading into the flesh, and he feels Axel’s warm body curl over him, his breath hot against his ear as he says “You kept us waiting there, babe,” and Jakob lets out a laugh, muffled into the pillow, as he surrenders himself to his partners.
“I’m not going to put on a condom,” Axel says, dragging his tongue along the nape of Jakob’s neck, leaving a wet, hot trail in its wake. “And I’m not going to pull out,” Axel says, taking the skin on Jakob’s shoulder between his teeth, biting down just hard enough to leave a mark. ”I’m going to come inside you. And you're going to take every single drop of my cum.”
“Oh god,” Jakob gasps and giggles helplessly and says “I’m not having your kids” through gritted teeth, sucking in a sharp inhale as Axel gives his cheeks a firm squeeze, then the grip on Jakob's ass gets firmer, Axel's fingers digging into the soft skin of his butt, as he parts his cheeks, as he angles the head of his cock above Jakob’s puckered hole, as he purrs “You’re going to be a fucking great dad” into Jakob’s ear, words curling delightfully around his tongue, as he pushes in with one strong thrust, as Jakob whines, feeling his walls stretch, feeling his insides fill out with Axel’s cock, as he yanks Jakob’s body upwards, pulling him into his lap, as Axel presses his chest into Jakob, his feverish, sweaty skin searing against his back, as Axel holds still for a moment, letting Jakob adjust to the intrusion.
“I’m not going to be a dad—” Jakob says through clenched teeth, followed by another wordless groan as Axel slightly shifts his hips, burying himself deeper inside him.
“Axel is right,” Kevin says, voice gentle and honeyed. He kneels in front of Jakob, and his hand moves to caress Jakob’s face, gentle fingers rubbing circles into his sweat-coated cheek, his other hand curling around the base of Jakob’s shaft. Kevin places a kiss on the corner of Jakob’s mouth, his lips lingering there for a moment, his voice dissolving into a sweet murmur, his words wrapping comfortingly around Jakob, as Kevin drags his fingers up Jakob’s cock with a painful slowness. “You would be a wonderful father.”
Jakob doesn’t know whether to nod or shake his head, the overwhelming stretch and fullness of his hole blanking his mind, the pressure against his prostate building, so he just tilts his head, and his half-lidded eyes drift towards Kevin's cock, a bead of precum leaking slowly down his length, his desire on full display, before disappearing into the dark curls below his stomach.
“Shouldn’t let us fuck you raw then”, Axel says, his voice breathless against Jakob’s ear, his thrusts losing their rhythm. “We’re going to fuck you so good you’ll be begging for us to fill you up. Until it’s dripping out of every hole.”
“You’re doing so well”, Kevin says, pressing a soft kiss on Jakob’s temple, his long, raspy fingers gliding up the velvety skin of Jakob’s cock. “Just let us take care of you.”
“I’m not—” A broken sob tears through Jakob’s throat. He throws his head back against Axel’s shoulder and he feels Axel’s breath on the skin of his neck, open-mouthed and heavy, and he hears Axel’s ragged groans ringing in his ears. “—both of you —feel so good.”
Then Jakob’s thoughts begin to slip away, as he feels Axel’s cock throbbing inside him, matching the rhythm of his heart hammering beneath Axel’s hand, fingers digging into the skin of his chest, as Axel pounds into him, Kevin’s fingers picking up their pace at the same time, and he’s helpless, caught between them, fucking himself back into Axel’s lap, every drag of his thick cock inside him brushing past that good spot deep inside him, where he can feel him rippling up his spine, and every ascend of his hips rolling into the drag of Kevin’s slick hand.
“God— Yes—”Jakob moans and then he melts into giggles, grasping for air between hitched sobs, as the trembling in his thighs shoots up his spine, spreading through his whole body, Axel’s fingers digging into the flesh of Jakob’s hips so hard they leave deep red imprints, as he thrusts himself into Axel’s lap, clawing at Kevin’s back, burying his face in the crook of his neck, feeling his own stretched out voice vibrate against Kevin’s sweaty skin, as Kevin’s fingers still rub reassuring patterns into his cheek, as he feels the warmth of Axel’s release inside him, as his vision goes white, as he spills over himself, his cock twitching in Kevin’s hand, Jakob’s cum catching between his fingers. Jakob shivers, then stills, collapsing into Kevin’s chest, Axel’s softening cock still inside him. Axel presses a kiss onto the shell of Jakob’s ear, a pleased hum tugging at his lips.
///
Kevin has always been a patient man, content in his supporting role, waiting for his turn, not wanting to interrupt, lingering in the background until he was needed. It is one of his best traits, he would say, being the anchor to his partners, grounding them. Yet not until he sees Jakob getting undone in front of him, surrendering himself to the pleasure completely, does he notice how dry his mouth had gotten, how hard he is breathing, how hot his face feels, how much sweat is forming above his brows, how tight the knot below his stomach became and how hard his cock is throbbing between his legs.
Jakob collapses into Kevin’s chest, mouth hanging open, and he feels Jakob’s breath hitting his skin, hot and wet, as he feels Jakob’s thick cum trickling between his fingers, and Kevin removes the hand from Jakob’s cheek, running it through the mussed hair on the back of his neck before pulling him into an embrace, and at the same time Axel withdraws his fingers from Jakob’s chest, leaving behind red marks on his skin, and Axel shivers as he slips out of him and slumps against the pillows, and Kevin’s eyes follow him, Axel's chest still heaved heavily, face and neck flushed deep red, his gaze drifting between Kevin and Jakob with parted lips.
Then Kevin glances at Jakob again, Jakob’s breath evens in his arms, and he feels his body running hot against him, and something inside Kevin shifts, and it travels lower, towards his gut, as he drinks in the scent of their sweat and bodily fluids mixing, and it goes straight into his veins, as the twitching between his thighs painfully reminds him. And in the next moment Kevin spins Jakob around, pushing him face down into the sheets, for the second time this evening, he realizes, as he’s losing his patience, as he’s losing his composure, the surprised gasp escaping from Jakob’s mouth ringing in his ears, a groan rippling through Kevin’s throat as the heated skin of their hips touched.
His body betraying him catches Kevin off-guard, and his breath hitches in his throat, and yet he still can’t stop his hands from digging into the irresistible flesh under him, as his fingers trace along the curve of Jakob's waist, as he presses his palm into Jakob’s shoulder, and then Kevin leans down, and Jakob shudders under him and arches his spine, his cheek laying flat against the mattress.
“I’m sorry, Jakob—” Kevin stutters out between elevated breaths. “I’m going to—” Kevin says as he’s angling himself, the swollen tip of his cock brushing against the rim of Jakob’s already used hole, his skin glistening with Axel’s sticky release. Jakob just nods, a wordless gasp of confirmation passing through his lips, the sound drowned out by the sheets, and it’s not like he has any other choice, with Kevin’s weight a searing pressure against Jakob’s sweat-damp body, the heat of their skin melting them together, as if Kevin belonged there, as if they were never meant to be apart.
Jakob whimpers, eyes squeezed shut, his entire body squirming from the overstimulation, and he’s curling up under Kevin, as Kevin drives his slick cock into Jakob with a powerful thrust, grinding into that delicious stretch, already opened wide and wet for him from where Axel had been before, his walls a irresistable heat that pulls him in, as Kevin uses that core strength of his to fuck into him immediately, dictating a desperate pace right from the start.
The frantic sound of their skins slapping together fills the room, joined by the faint grunts passing through Kevin’s throat. Beneath him, Jakob’s fingers search for something to hold on, white knuckles showing as he finds purchase in the damp sheets, his other hand finding Axel’s, lacing their fingers together with a grip so hard it made Axel wince, and Axel lets out a gasp, and his chest is still moving in an elevated rhythm as he watches Jakob getting torn apart, and Axel is half hard again, Kevin notices in the corner of his eyes.
Jakob’s whimpers muffle as Kevin places one hand on his shoulder and presses him harder into the mattress, holding him in place, as he continues to pound into him, slow and strong and methodical, almost withdrawing his cock completely before slamming down again, each thrust draining the air out of Jakob’s lungs with a piercing sob.
“I can’t—”, Kevin says, as the pressure builds between his thighs, as he loses control over his body, “I can’t pull out—” Kevin says as he feels his thoughts deteriorating, a string of incoherent words forming in his mind escaping as low, scattered grunts through his lips and he feels Axel’s cum squeezing around his cock, oozing out of Jakob’s hole, trailing down his balls, and down his thighs in thick, white ropes, and Kevin brings his face close to Jakob’s ear and mutters “Can I come inside you, please?”, and it brings them both over the edge, as Jakob kicks his feet and thrusts his hips towards him, chasing the fullness that makes his stomach tighten, the delicious friction that unravels them both, and a loud moan tears through Jakob’s throat as he comes onto the bed sheets, toes curling, and Kevin locks eyes with Axel, still watching them with his mouth slightly agape and his cock twitching against his thighs, as he spills his himself into Jakob, softly rocking into him through the aftershocks until he comes to a stop on top of him, and he feels Jakob tremble under him, feels his own heart hammering against Jakob’s back, his body pining him into the mattress, and he stays deep inside Jakob until his breathing calms down, until Jakob lets go of Axel’s hand.
When Kevin moves again, he carefully shifts his weight, pulling himself out of Jakob with a debauched sound, a trail of thick, white cum following behind, and Kevin’s hand reaches out, Jakob slightly shivering under his fingers, as he gently cards through Jakob’s sweat-mussed hair. “Jakob,” Kevin says. “How are you feeling?”
Jakob groans into the mattress, as that's the easiest answer, wrecked as he is, limbs numbly tangled into the sheets. Next to them Axel shifts closer, pressing a light kiss onto Jakob’s shoulder, lingering there for a moment. “You did so well, just for us,” Axel says and a tired chuckle escapes Jakob’s lips. “We’ll take care of the rest,” Axel says and tilts his head, locking eyes with Kevin. Kevin nods, a wordless understanding between them, and a groan bubbles up in his throat as he slides off the bed, hissing through his teeth as he pushes himself up, and for a moment he feels lightheaded, feels the ground shifting under him, as the aftermath of pleasure still courses through his blood, as the exhaustion finally catches up to him.
“God,” Axel gasps, as he notices the deep red marks on Kevin’s back. “Guess he really needed that,” Axel says wryly. “Let me take a look at that.”
“I’m fine,” Kevin says and shakes his head. “Let’s take care of him first,” Kevin says and vanishes into the small hotel bathroom, returning a moment later with a warm, damp towel in hand.
“Just let us clean you up,” Axel says, as he gently moves Jakob’s body, lying him flat on his back, and Kevin and Axel crowd him in, Jakob shivering under them, a whimper escaping his mouth, face dyed deep red, tear tracks marking the corners of his eyes, then he slowly eases into their touch.
Axel gently spreads Jakob’s legs and Kevin runs the damp towel between sensitive skin of Jakob’s thighs, smeared with the combined release of all three of them, towards his groin, the rim of his hole red and swollen, and he sees Axel stroking reverent circles into the flushed skin of Jakob’s chest, not taking his eyes off of him, as if Jakob would slip away if he did, and Kevin looks at Axel looking at Jakob and underneath the lines of Axel’s face Kevin can see the fatigue set into each of them, and underneath that the many nights and weeks and months and years that have gone by just like this, and underneath that Kevin sees tenderness and love and a life he would not trade for anything else, and he sees the endless shared hotel rooms, with their boring white ceilings, and their worn-out mattresses, and short nights and early mornings and the familiar weight of his partners sleeping close next to him, and Kevin reaches out, placing gentle fingers under his chin and tilts Axel’s head upwards, and he leans in, placing a light kiss onto his lips. Kevin lifts his hand and brushes damp hairs out of Axel’s face, a couple of grey strands catch between his fingers, shimmering in the dim light like silver thread, and he remains still for a moment.
“You’re getting old,” Kevin mutters bluntly, with his usual deadpan tone of voice, softened by a laugh on his lips.
Axel’s expression changes and he exhales through his nose, and Kevin couldn’t tell whether it was meant to be a chuckle or a sigh. Axel’s eyes drift to his side again, drawn to where Jakob lies on the bed, eyes closed now, his hitched breathing finally evening out. Axel’s eyes still linger on Jakob as lips curve into a smile. “Yeah, we are.”
///
Axel is the last to exit the shower, and he climbs into the bed and slips beneath the covers, slotting himself in between his two partners. He feels Kevin’s arm wrap around him from behind at the same time as he reaches out for Jakob, pulling him closer towards his chest. Jakob stirs beneath Axel’s arm.
“Did I wake you up?”
“No,” Jakob murmurs, his voice hoarse and raspy. He has always been a bad liar, Axel thinks.
“You did well today,” Axel says, bringing his hand towards Jakob’s head. His fingers thread gently through Jakob’s still damp hair, then he slides his hand down towards the side of his face, cupping his cheek. “Sorry for putting you through all of this.”
“This has to be one of the weirdest things you’ve ever said in bed,” Jakob laughs and tilts his head, nudging his cheek into Axel’s hand, his breath warm against Axel’s wrist. “And you said some pretty weird stuff today. Besides, you already said that. Don’t think I didn’t hear you just because I was half-passed out.”
“No, I meant—” Axel says. “This year has been hard. I’m sorry Kevin and I can’t do more for you.”
“We wanted this. We're together, that's enough for me.”
“If there’s anything—”
“It’s fine.” Jakob smiles into Axel’s palm. “I’m fine.”
Axel swallows and draws in a breath.
“I meant it, by the way,” Axel says. “That you'd be a great father.” He leans over to kiss Jakob's forehead, and he rests his head there for a moment, taking in Jakob’s familiar scent. And when Axel adds “I’d like to have a family. With the both of you” he feels a shaky exhale against the hollow of his hand.
“We can’t,” Jakob says. Axel can’t place the tone of Jakob’s voice. “We can’t. We’re—”
“There’s options,” Axel says and he forces a flat chuckle through his lips. He shifts his weight, lowering himself down next to Jakob again. He moves his hand further down Jakob’s body, squeezing his shoulder lightly. “We could look into adoption, or, or—. We’ll— we could figure something out.”
“Axel, we’ve talked about this.”
“But that was years ago. It’s different now. We didn’t have—” Axel says and makes a wide sweeping gesture with his arm, reaching from one end of the hotel room to the other. He knows Jakob can’t see it in the dark of the hotel room. “—this. This entire goddamn year. It’s the best thing that could’ve happened to us.”
“Is it?”
“And maybe in a year or two, when it’s quieter again, and things back to how they were—”
“Will they, though?” Jakob asks. “Will things go back to how they were?"
“We don’t have to worry about anything anymore. We deserve this. You two could move back home. We could make it official and buy a bigger house in Vasa, and—”
“Axel.”
“And I could write another book and you and Kevin could go back to acting. Maybe we could record a new album. Or film another series. Or,” Axel says, stumbling over his words as if he couldn’t wait to get them out fast enough. “We could take a break, if that’s what you want.”
“You mean retire.”
“I didn’t say anything about retiring.”
“What would people think?” Jakob says, the warmth in his voice draining away with each word. “You see how they look at us. You hear how they talk behind our backs. You read the comments online. The ones about how this isn’t—” Jakob inhales. A short, hitched breath. “How this isn’t normal. We can’t do this. No one would understand. Even getting married is just a punchline. It’s just one of our jokes.”
“Who cares what other people think?”
“I do,” Jakob says flatly. “I’ve spent my whole life caring.” Axel feels Jakob’s weight shift away and the space next to him suddenly feels a little less warm. “The thought of touching you in public terrifies me now,” Jakob says, a cold bleeding into his voice. He speaks with the same anxiety that Axel has learned to recognize instantly, the same fear that usually pulls Axel’s hand toward him without thinking, instinctively reaching out to offer comfort. Axel tries to remember the last time Jakob sounded like this, maybe at the beginning of the year when they stood on that huge stage on the night that would change their lives forever. Or maybe even earlier than that, when Axel showed him that email, the invitation to change their lives forever, and he watched the color vanish from Jakob’s face. And then they sat there, wondering whether they wanted to draw this kind of attention to their lives, knowing, even then, that only regret would be waiting if they didn’t. That day feels so far away to him now. Yet the change this decision brought still keeps him awake at night.
Jakob continues, “And I see it in you, too. I’ve noticed how careful you’ve become, how much you hesitate to touch us when— when we’re not fucking performing.”
“If not now, then when—”
“You left us. You were the one who wanted a break, to get away from everything. You made the decision to move back to Vasa and leave us in Helsingfors.”
“We can make it work this time—”
“And this. Weeks away from home, in hotel rooms just like this. We’ve worked our entire lives for this. We’re finally here. We made it. Don’t throw this—”
“We don’t have to—”
“Don't make me say it again, Axel,” Jakob cuts in. “Please.”
“And Kevin also wants a family—”
“I know what Kevin wants. He knows what I want.”
“But—”
“Axel.” Jakob’s voice cracks. “Stop. Please. Just stop.”
Axel doesn’t know what to say. His jaw tightens. He feels like every word he’s ever learned is failing him. He feels light-headed. He feels displaced. He feels like he's standing in a corner, watching the room before him stretch into nothingness. He feels like he is back in Vörå, in his childhood home, stealing their first kisses, and he is back in the car, driving from gig to gig, spending many nights laughing and working and sleeping and fucking together, thinking the world was theirs, looking out of the hotel windows and thinking the stars belonged to them as well, and he is back in his house again, rereading that email over and over again and he is anywhere in between and he is in a hotel room in Stockholm, sharing a bed with the two people he loves the most, and he wonders what he’d been waiting for these past fifteen odd years, what he thought would finally make things change, and he feels Kevin’s trembling fingers dig into his chest, his hitched, elevated breathing against the back of his neck, and Axel feels his thoughts stretch thin, quivering like a thread, barely being held together by the hope that maybe if he waits, if he stares into quiet darkness somewhere where Jakob’s eyes should be for long enough, the next words might change, a thread worn so thin he can see it almost snapping right in front of his eyes.
“I can’t. I'm sorry,” Jakob says. “I know this isn’t fair to either of you.”
“It's fine,” Axel says. “It's fine,” Axel says again, his voice thinner this time.
“Let's talk about this some other time, okay?”
“Okay.” Axel draws in a breath. “Some other time. Okay”
“Okay.” Jakob leans over and kisses him. “Good night. I love you.”
“... good night.”
Behind Axel, Kevin presses himself closer into his back, his fingers ghosting over his arm, lacing them with Axel’s own, quivering fingers giving away how much strength it takes not to say anything. Kevin’s worst trait, he would say.
And as he feels Jakob’s breathing even out in his arms Axel lies awake and wonders when some other time would be.
And for just a fraction of a second, as Axel presses himself further into Kevin’s body, his own thoughts scare him.