Chapter Text
October - Montreal
Thursday
“Just a few more reps, Liam. You got this.”
Shane Hollander watched his patient, Liam, as he did two more prone rows with a five pound dumbbell.
Liam had come in for physical therapy with a shoulder injury. He was a university swimmer and had torn his rotator cuff in practice. He’d had surgery and was now working on mobility and strength in PT, which was how he had come to work with Shane.
Shane enjoyed his job. It wasn’t what he had imagined himself doing as a career but it was one that he was proud of and that he got a lot of fulfillment out of.
Physical therapists had helped him with his own recovery when he’d been in Junior hockey. Plagued by several concussions, subsequent migraines, and various leg and arm injuries, his dreams of a professional hockey career had come to an end before he’d turned seventeen.
It had been disappointing and Shane had been a bit adrift, wondering what he would do now, after having been one of the most promising up and coming prospects in hockey.
But he had remembered working with the PTs during his recovery. It had been hard work but Shane had always thrived on hard work. He remembered the exercises and sessions being turned into mini competitions, competing against himself as he worked on building back strength and mobility.
So he’d decided to pursue it as a career himself. If he couldn’t be a pro, at least he could help the pros out.
Shane loved working with athletes of all kinds and of all ages.
He’d worked with some NHL players, some Olympic athletes. Lots of university students.
The work was stable but ever evolving. It kept him on his toes with new research coming out all the time.
He liked being useful, knowing that he was helping people, and continuing to educate himself.
And he hadn’t given up hockey completely. He still played in a beer league, fairly low key, but it was good for him to have that social outlet. He was the kind of person that needed a reason to leave his house because otherwise he would just be too comfortable.
“Nice job,” Shane said when Liam had finished his reps. He took the dumbbell, helping Liam sit up. “How’re you feeling?”
Liam rotated his shoulder a little. “Those reps are brutal.”
Shane chuckled. “I know. But it’s important to keep you moving.”
“Yeah. For sure. I’m still a little stiff. Weaker than I want to be.”
“The strength will come. We’re working on getting your muscles to function like normal. Strengthening them again. You’ll get there.”
They went through a few more exercises before Liam was done for the day and Shane was onto his next patient.
It was a busy day, which was usually what Shane preferred.
He had dinner plans with one of his closest friends, Rose. He was looking forward to that, he loved spending time with her. He was a bit of a homebody, preferring his own company, spending time with his cat, but he was trying to be better about socializing.
He had a good group of friends; a few close people he trusted, and he got along well with his coworkers.
Life was, overall, pretty good. Maybe not very exciting but that was okay. Shane didn’t need exciting. He liked comfortable, perhaps a bit boring for most, but that was okay.
After work, he said goodbye to his coworkers and took the Metro back home.
It was an easy ride, about ten minutes, and then a five minute walk to his apartment building.
It was a brisk October evening, the days slowing growing colder. The city was sporting a bright pop of autumnal colors, with winter looming right around the corner.
Shane took the elevator up to his floor, walking to his door, greeting one of his neighbors and her kids as he passed them in the hall.
At his door, he took out his keys, smiling as he heard the loud meows coming from the other side.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he chuckled, unlocking the door.
He got an indignant meow in response as he stepped into his condo.
“Yes, hello, I’m home.”
A fluffy mass of white and brown fur immediately began rubbing against his legs and Shane laughed. He slid his backpack from his back onto the floor and leaned down to scoop up his cat.
Eloise was his two year old brown seal point ragdoll. She was the cutest thing in the whole world and Shane loved her to death.
They had come into one another’s lives when they had both needed someone. Eloise had been part of a litter of kittens that had been rescued from a kitten mill and Shane had fallen in love with her at first sight.
Shane was a pretty rational person. He didn’t really think much about huge, cosmic things, but he truly believed that Eloise was his soul cat. She was sweet and affectionate but also independent, seeking out attention when she wanted it, otherwise spending her time in her cat tree, looking out the window, or curled up on Shane’s pillow napping.
She had some kidney issues and needed to be on a special diet and medication, but was otherwise a very healthy cat.
She loved to sit on his shoulders and rub herself against him when she wanted attention and they had a routine of curling up together on the couch while Shane read up on new research or watched hockey.
She was his favorite photography subject and he had a bunch of photos of her around his condo.
He kissed her fluffy head a few times and then put her down, chuckling as she shook herself out and meowed some more.
“Let me take off my coat and shoes and I’ll be right with you.”
He watched as she padded over to her cat tree by the window and hopped up onto it, finding a perch that pleased her. She sat, perfectly poised, tail wrapped around her feet, as she looked out the window.
Shane laughed, going into the kitchen to grab a can of ginger ale, before taking it to his bedroom so he could look around at what he should wear for dinner.
He already had a general idea but he set his soda aside on a coaster on his bedside table, pulling out his phone to text Rose.
Shane: any thoughts on what I should wear?
Instead of texting him back, Rose video called him.
He chuckled as he picked up.
“Hi.”
“Hello, you! Show me your closet!”
Shane did as requested, turning his phone so she could take a look, and pulled different items so she could see them, before she told him which ones to wear.
“Oh you’re going to look so handsome!” she said excitedly. “I am so pumped to see you! We’re overdue for a catch up.”
“I know. I’m sorry it’s been so long.”
Rose smiled softly on his screen. “It’s okay. I just miss you. I can’t wait to see you… and eat my body weight in cheese.”
Shane laughed. “I miss you, too. And we can get as much cheese as you want.”
“Thank you for supporting me.”
“Always.”
Rose giggled. “Go get changed. I have to finish getting ready, too! I’ll see you in a little bit!”
“Okay. Sounds perfect.”
“Love you!”
“Love you, too.”
They said goodbye and ended the call, Shane feeling buoyed by the quick chat.
Sometimes he forgot what it felt like to spend time with other people and how good that made him feel.
Shane was around people all the time but it was different when it was your friends.
He was an introvert and liked spending time alone but sometimes he forgot that he could actually go out and do things. He had people who liked spending time with him, wanted to spend time with him.
He knew he needed to make plans with Rose more often, with all his friends really.
It was difficult at times. He never wanted to bother anyone or be a burden. But he had to remind himself that the people who cared about him cared about him and he needed to let them.
Shane got changed, fussed with his hair, then made sure that Eloise was fed. He finished his ginger ale, brushed his teeth, checked his outfit and hair one more time, before he grabbed everything he needed, and left the condo.
The wine bar that Rose had chosen was very trendy. Everything was all plush blue velvet and dark wood, the lighting low, the entire place smelling like lavender.
Rose was a few minutes late, walking into the bar dressed in a pair of trousers and a long sleeved blouse that made her blue eyes pop. She smiled brightly and Shane couldn’t help but smile back.
“I’m sorry I kept you waiting,” she said as they hugged and bussed cheeks.
“You didn’t. It’s okay.”
Rose looped her arm through Shane’s and they went to the host stand together. They were led to an intimate table for two and given wine and food menus.
First order of business was a cheese plate and what bottle of wine they wanted to split, before placing their order.
"I think the Beaujolais looks good," Rose said. "What do you think?"
"Let's do it." Shane trusted Rose's judgment.
They ordered the wine and the cheese plate once their server came by.
"Excellent choice," their server said.
They returned a few moments with the wine, allowing them to taste it, both agreeing that it was very nice. Their server poured them a glass each and left the bottle. Rose and Shane tapped their glasses together, before diving into their catch up.
Rose had a very active social life. She was a drama teacher, working in a high school, and doing performances at some of the local theaters around town. She traveled occasionally, doing work in other cities in Canada and around the U.S. She was an incredible actress and director.
Shane liked hearing about her students and what plays she was working on, making sure to attend her performances, and support her in whatever way he could.
They were both currently single, though Rose was actively dating, while Shane hadn’t even considered dating since his breakup over two years ago. He’d just felt a lot of inertia and anxiety in putting himself back out there.
“You should join me in dating hell,” Rose teased, popping a piece of cheese into her mouth.
“Yeah, because the way you describe it sounds so appealing,” Shane replied, sipping from his glass.
Rose grimaced and chuckled. “That’s fair.”
Shane laughed, shaking his head a little.
“It’s been a while though, yeah?” Rose asked.
Shane chewed on his bottom lip. “Yeah.”
“Would you think about getting back into it?”
“I don’t know. Probably.”
They’d had this conversation before. Shane’s friends weren’t pushy but he knew they worried about him and only ever had his best interest at heart. He didn’t love stepping out of his comfort zone and the idea of dating was, admittedly, uncomfortable.
Shane had come out publicly when he was twenty-five, having come out in his early twenties to his family and very close friends.
During that time, he'd met and become friends with Montreal Voyageurs defenseman Jean-Jacques Boiziau when J.J. had come in for PT after tearing his ACL.
J.J. was so infectious and extroverted and he and Shane had hit it off right away, J.J. surprised by Shane's witty sense of humor.
When J.J. had finished his PT, he'd invited Shane to a party at a friend's restaurant, and that was where Shane had met Laurent.
Things had been great at first.
Laurent was a reporter for the local news station, a little older than Shane, more experienced. It had been nice, being with someone, experiencing love, kind of learning what it was like to be in a relationship.
Shane had been hooking up with guys prior to that and had had a few, secret relationships, but none that were long term.
The relationship hadn’t been a bad one necessarily but at some point, they had just started to want different things.
It was the first time Shane had really felt heartbreak and it hadn’t been fun.
It had been two years since the breakup and he just hadn’t put himself back out there, though he knew he probably should.
He thought about being in a relationship, of sharing his life with someone other than his cat, of integrating his life with someone else’s. He wanted something soft and domestic. He wanted someone to love and care for. Someone who would happily love and care for him, too.
But the question was… would anyone want that with him?
He knew he could be anxious, neurotic, a lot. It took him time to warm up to people, to open up, to trust. Sometimes people weren’t willing to be patient and that was difficult.
Rose was watching him knowingly. “What’s the hold up?”
Shane shrugged and blushed. “I don’t know.”
Rose reached out and rested her hand on his. “You’re hot, you’ve got a great, stable career, you’re smart, you own your own condo, you have an awesome sense of humor, you’re one of the kindest, sweetest people. You’re a catch! Anyone would be lucky to have you.”
“I mean, I guess so. I don’t know. Does anyone even want commitment? It just seems like people want to hook up.”
Rose chuckled. “I’m sure that there are plenty of people out there who want commitment. You just have to find them.”
“That’s the worst part.”
Rose laughed and Shane smiled, taking another sip of wine, and then took a piece of cheese.
“I know I have to put myself out there.”
Rose nodded.
“Can’t I just speed-run right into intimacy and trust? I hate small talk.”
Rose laughed. “I know. I wish it was that easy. But you're really good at it! And you’re funny!”
Shane felt his cheeks warm. “Thanks, Rose.”
“It’s true.”
Shane smiled and nodded. “I’ll consider it.”
“Good. We can commiserate together. Men are so fucking boring, except you and like, three other guys I know.”
"Gee thanks," Shane laughed.
They spent the rest of dinner talking about their ideal partners and what they both considered when it came to relationships.
Now in his thirties, Shane thought a lot more about stability. He wanted to have someone who he could laugh and cook with. Someone who would travel with him on occasion and would like summers at the cottage as much as he did. He wanted affection, of course, to be known and understood and loved.
He wanted to get married and have kids.
And Shane did know that he was attractive, not just physically, but with everything else in his life. It was just hard to see when he had a hard time believing that at times. He could admit that part of that was his fault. He didn't get a lot of positive feedback because he didn't date. He was just in his own head.
He knew nothing would change if he didn’t do anything about it.
“You know I’m always here to pump your tires,” Rose assured.
“I know,” Shane chuckled. “And I’m always here to do the same.”
“I know. You’re the sweetest.”
They leaned into each other for a moment before paying for their wine and food, and got ready to go back out into the chilly night.
“Can I walk you home?” Shane asked, since Rose was only a few blocks away.
“See? The sweetest!”
They walked home, arm-in-arm, making plans to meet up again next week and agreeing to go through the arduous process of dating together, before Shane dropped Rose off at her apartment.
They hugged goodbye and he made his way toward the Metro.
***
Monday
Shane was on his lunch break when he got a text from Rose.
Rose: You should check this out! I know the guy who's running it! He's the dramaturge I work with!
She’d sent along a link that was for some kind of speed dating event. Shane looked dubiously at his phone for a moment before following the link. It brought him to a brightly colored web page with SPEED DATING FOR QUEER MEN at the top.
He shook his head a little, smiling to himself, as he scrolled the page.
The website was for an LGBTQIA+ organization that did all different kinds of meet-ups. They had book clubs, speed dating, mixers, hikes, a running group, all kinds of activities to help queer people meet other queer people in varying capacities, from friendship to dating to support.
Apparently they were hosting a speed dating event at one of the fancier hotels downtown in two weeks, having rented out the event space to host.
It was open to queer men of all persuasions to meet and mingle and maybe meet someone. There would be a kind of cocktail hour vibe, with two drink tickets per person, and access to finger foods.
Shane had never done speed dating before and he appreciated that the site had a section on what speed dating entailed, which was very helpful. He wasn’t so sure about how eight minutes of conversation was enough to get a vibe about someone and if you were interested in them but he wasn’t an expert, so what did he know?
He laughed a little to himself and texted Rose back.
Shane: Per our arrangement…
Shane smiled as he watched the wiggling ellipses on his screen as Rose typed.
Rose: I am locking down plans with a guy named Philippe as we speak!
Shane went back to the website and looked at their sign up form. It was pretty general. They asked for his information, name, age, occupation, and then some more specific questions about interests and lifestyle.
It seemed pretty straight forward.
The event had a $25 cover, which wasn’t horrible, especially given the location.
Rose texted him again and Shane opened the message, looking at a screenshot she had taken of this Philippe guy.
He was handsome, in his thirties, apparently working as a baker, which was interesting. Rose did love bread.
Rose: he has a dog, too!
Rose: I wanted you to have his info, just in case
Shane: yes, thank you
Rose: send me the confirmation receipt for the speed dating thing 😉
Shane: yes yes fine 🙄
Shane sighed, filling out the registration application, paid the cover, then took a screenshot of the confirmation page, and sent it to Rose.
Rose: YAY!!!
Rose: I'll tell Marco you'll be there!!
Shane: I hope it’s worth it…
Rose: It’ll be great! Worst case, you learn what you like and don’t like, y’know? You don’t have to go in thinking this is the ONLY shot you have to meet someone
Shane: Yeah… you’re right
Rose: It’s a good place to start and I’m proud of you ❤️
Shane smiled.
Shane: thanks ❤️
Rose: any time! We can talk more about things when I see you on Friday. Can’t wait!!!
Shane: 🙌🙌🙌🙌
He set his phone down to finish his lunch, chuckling softly to himself. He had no idea what he was getting himself into but Rose was right. He didn’t have to go in expecting to meet the love of his life there. He just had to be open to the process. It was ripping off the band-aid and hopefully the start of just allowing himself to get back into dating again.
He could do it. He’d done plenty of hard things and this would be no different.