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The contrast between the chaos of the E.D. and the tranquility of this house by the lake is jarring. It feels like the world is on pause while Samira’s usual life is a whirlwind of mid-second decisions, where one wrong move could mean someone dies who wasn’t meant to. It’s peaceful here, and yet as she stares at the calm water of the lake, Samira feels unmoored. Drifting like a boat without a course, pushed this way and that by the wind. She needs purpose, she needs to not be able to sit and think, and now all she has is… time. Time with her own thoughts, to wonder what her future will be like, to actually think about what she wants. It’s terrifying.
But at least, she’s not alone.
As though summoned by her thoughts, a cup of coffee is held out in front of her. Samira takes it and her fingers brush against the veins of Jack’s hand; she resists the urge to trace them, to follow the proof of his life to the source. As he hands her the cup of coffee, he lingers for a moment to brush a kiss to the back of her hand before moving away to sit down in the Adirondack chair next to her.
He shifts, trying to get comfortable and sighs. “I hate these damn things. They were made by someone who didn’t want you sitting for too long.”
Samira takes a sip of her coffee and hides a small smile, noting that Jack makes no move to get up. Instead, he settles himself further into the chair and looks like he’ll stay there until the end of time if needed or at least until she moves.
Samira keeps her eyes on the lake and says, “Maybe one of our next summer patients will be someone complaining of back pain from an Adirondack chair?”
“I’d have full sympathy for them,” Jack replies.
“Don’t you always?”
Jack reaches out and takes her free hand, caressing his thumb over her knuckles. “I like to think I’m in good company. The best in fact.”
Samira feels her face heat, watching a duck dive into the water and the ripples it leaves behind, and avoids looking at Jack. His unfaltering belief in her, the way he’s always there to support her while watching her stand on her own two feet, is something she’s still getting used to. No one else has ever done that for her, looked at her that way, and while she loves it, it feels like something she could easily lose.
Everyone always seems to leave and while she wants Jack to be different, there’s no guarantee. She believes the best of him, while simultaneously bracing for the worst. It’s only natural at this point. Everyone leaves her.
He must sense her disquiet because he squeezes her hand, drawing her out of her thoughts. Samira looks away from the lake for the first time since he sat down and meets his eyes.
His eyes appear especially green with the forest behind him and the lake reflecting in front of them. She can read the concern there, the want to know what she’s thinking. As though it doesn’t often feel as if he can read her mind.
“What’s on your mind, sweetheart? If you want to share.”
Samira pauses, watching the wind blow through his curls tousling them further. The silver threading it is particularly noticeable in the sun and it mesmerizes her. He’s mesmerizing.
There’s silence for a moment, punctuated only by the sound of birds and the lapping of the lake.
He’s so earnest and she knows he’ll listen to her without judgment because he always does, so she takes a deep breath, looking away from him before beginning to speak, “I’m… so happy with you, Jack. In a way I’ve never been… well, in a way I’ve never let myself be, with anyone else. And it’s so quiet here, too quiet, and I feel like all I can think about is the future. My future. In a way that I’ve never had time to do before, and it… it terrifies me.”
He hums, letting her get the words out. His eyes stay on hers, listening avidly. Like every word of hers matters. Like it’s precious. Like she’s precious.
It hurts in the best way. To be his priority, to be anyone’s. And she loves it.
She continues, “I know I need to start applying to fellowships, given New Jersey isn’t happening now, and… I don’t want to think of my future without you in it.”
Samira stops, unsure how to continue. How to ask the question she’s been leading up to this whole time.
Luckily, Jack proves her earlier thoughts about reading her mind right when he speaks, “You don’t have to. No matter what fellowship you choose and it will be choose, Samira; no matter where you apply, they’ll be lucky to have you and they’ll recognize that. You’ve been part of my future for a long time, sweetheart. And I’d really like it to be our future if you’d have me.”
He smiles at her, eyes crinkling at the corners, as a leaf drifts down between them, spiraling through the air. The sun continues to sparkle off the lake as the moment lingers. She wants to live in this moment for the rest of her life, his green eyes on hers – the fondness evident.
Then again, if they lived here forever at the lake, then they’d never have the future he’s promised.
Their future, and not just hers.
And she realizes in that moment that she’s not scared anymore.