Chapter Text
Warm air pressed against Ren Amamiya’s body as he ran against it while trying to rush to his favorite hiding spot. He was having a hard time breathing because his mind was plagued with so many thoughts and emotions.
Ren looked to the side long enough to make sure Morgana was still by his side, and to his relief, he was. Trying to hurry to his place of comfort and escape, Ren bit his lower lip. His chest felt heavy, his heart was racing, and he knew his stoic mask was barely holding on.
“Breathe! We are almost there.” Morgana reassured him.
Ren couldn’t say anything. He was afraid that if he even opened this mouth, then he would finally fall apart. Ren did his best to stay calm, and level headed at all times, and the moments that he couldn’t, he would push his emotions down until he could handle them later. He was now at a tipping point and couldn’t hold it in any longer.
The park he loved going to was finally in sight. He rushed in, with Morgana keeping pace. Ren ran through the park and hurried on to the woods that surrounded the park.
Ren knew the way, like the back of his hand, because he came here as often as he could. He walked through the woods to a small little abandoned area that had a small unfinished brick fence and a large tree.
Ren sat under the tree, pulled his knees up to his chest, and wrapped his arms around his knees. He then laid his forehead down on his knees, trying to hide his face.
“Breathe.” Morgana coaxed him.
Ren inhaled deeply, held it for a few seconds, and then exhaled, just as he’s practiced so many times before. He was doing his best to calm down so he could process everything.
“Are you okay?” Morgana asked.
Ren could feel the sweat dripping down his forehead and down the middle of his back. He was trying to hold himself together, but couldn’t. It hurt him to fully breathe. His fingers felt so cold as he sat there in that position for what must have been several minutes.
“I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay. I’ll be okay.” Ren kept repeating while trying to catch his breath.
He wasn’t out of breath from physically running, he was out of breath because he was mentally and emotionally overwhelmed. There was a lot on his mind and for once, he didn’t know what to do.
“I know that what happened is horrible, but let’s talk about it. If you don’t want to talk about it to me, try one of our other friends.” Morgana suggested.
Ren looked at Morgana and nodded silently. He wanted to tell the others but he also didn’t want to burden them now that they finally had a break from phantom thievery for who knows how long.
“I don’t want to bother the others. Let them enjoy their break. I’ll tell them, soon, but let me process it myself first. I just can’t believe it.” Ren responded.
As Ren deeply exhaled, his body shook. No matter how much he tried to stop it, the tears were about to flow.
“I can’t believe this is happening, Morgana. It feels like life has a vendetta against me. First, I was accused of beating up Shido when I was trying to protect that lady. My parents then beat me and sent me away to a stranger’s place. Truth is, I was happier staying with Sojiro. He cared about me and our friends. Plus, I was away from my parents who hate me. Then, I become a Phantom Thief, which I actually enjoy. It gives my life some purpose and meaning. I can help those who need it, you know?” Ren began explaining his thoughts.
“Yeah. I get that.” Morgana responded softly.
“I go to a new school and hardly anyone wanted to do anything with me. I was labeled as a criminal. I made some friends along the way, which I’m happy about. Yusuke, you, Ryuji, Ann, Makoto, Haru, and Futaba. Not only did I become friends and allies with them, I was able to help them out too, which made me happy. I…also made friends with Akechi. Well, I thought we were friends. I actually…” Ren continued before pausing for a moment.
Ren looked down at the grass but knew Morgana was watching him and listening so carefully. He was thankful that Morgana cared enough to listen even though he already knew how he felt.
“You actually what?” Morgana asked.
“You.. already know but… I had a huge crush on Akechi. Yes, I knew something was up with him. I knew that he was up to something not good towards the end, but at the time, I had this hope that he would have changed his mind. Akechi…he was special. When he told me how he truly felt before we finished Sae’s palace, and when he told me how he felt in Shido’s palace, I felt crushed. Well actually, I felt beyond crushed. Everything that he said about me in Sae’s palace…it made me see myself in a different light. I guess that he was right. Maybe I really am nothing but attic trash. I’m a fucking loser. My parents sure think so, anyways. Akechi… I thought he had died back in Shido’s palace and I felt broken. That whole time, I thought he was gone for forever! I kept thinking about how his last thoughts of me were of how much he hated me. I was hurt. I was devastated… and I am still hurt. He then popped back up to let us know that he just was in rehab taking time to repay the people who helped his mother. Even then, I could see the look in his eyes. He hates me so much…” Ren expressed.
“I am still not convinced that he hates you.” Morgana commented.
“He does. I could feel it in his words. I could see it in those piercing beautiful eyes. Anyways, we then fought Yaldaboath, lost, and slowly disappeared from reality. Listening to everyone scream … I felt powerless. I know, I was able to help our friends, and then we all defeated Yaldaboath together. Things really went south for me after that. It was when everyone except for Yusuke began to slowly forget about me. You remembered me too, I know… but everyone minus Yusuke was slowly forgetting about our bonds together. I guess that I can include Akechi in not forgetting me. I understand why everyone was slowly forgetting me. It hurt me to go against Dr Maruki because I considered him a friend. I still stand by my decision to go against him and his reality. Because of that though, I had to help out in court and even go to jail for a little bit.” Ren continued to recount everything.
“Yeah, I can’t imagine what that was like for you. Hearing about it from your point of view makes it even sadder.” Morgana commented.
“I know everyone worked hard to help get me out, and I’m grateful. My time there came to an end because my probation ended and well… here we are now. Back home with my parents who hate me. I know you wanted to stay with me, and I’m so glad you chose that, but I’m also sorry that you have to see everything that’s going on.” Ren apologized while getting emotional.
Ren lifted his head up and looked at Morgana who looked sad. Ren did feel bad that Morgana had to witness all of the issues going on.
“I’m even more glad that I came to stay with you. That way you wouldn’t be alone. I just wished you would have told us that your parents have been abusing you.” Morgana stated.
“They aren’t abusing me…really. Dad just gets so drunk when he’s down. Mom is stressed and angry. Plus, look what they have to deal with now. The newest issue to arise for me.” Ren responded.
“That’s no reason for them to hurt you.” Morgana firmly said.
Ren laid his head backwards against the trunk and recalled what happened recently. He still felt upset, even though this happened yesterday.
“I can’t believe… they have officially reopened a case against me and are investigating it. They really are investigating to see if there was conflict of interest because Sae Niijima and Goro Akechi were on the case.” Ren sighed.
“Something about that doesn’t add up. I don’t know what happened, but it seems suspicious.” Morgana stated.
Ren placed his palms on his forehead and started shaking again. He didn’t know how much more he could take. It really felt like everything was out against him.
“I don’t know how much more of this that I can take.” Ren whispered.
“I know that it has been extremely difficult and very unfair, but you are strong. You’re the leader of the Phantom Thieves, and you’re the wild card! You can handle a lot. Look at all of the difficult and impossible things that you have already been through. I have no doubt that you’ll get through this, too. Don’t forget that you have me and our friends to help you.” Morgana encouraged Ren.
Ren smirked a little at Morgana’s encouragement. He still felt anxious, and his fingers felt like ice from having a panic attack, but he also felt happy to know that he had Morgana by his side.
“Thank you, Morgana. I mean it. I just need a little bit to calm down, and try to gather my thoughts enough to form a plan.” Ren stated.
“Take the time you need. Nothing about this situation is easy. Plus, it’ll be wise to be away from your house as long as possible.” Morgana said.
Ren laid his head back onto his arms and just breathed deeply. His body had waves of warmth and coolness washing over him that caused little goosebumps to rise on his arms. He felt so exhausted, as if he had ran an entire marathon.
It still felt hard to fully breathe. He continued to take slow breaths as he’s practiced for years. Ren just wanted to stay there like this for a while. He felt vulnerable and bare at the moment, but in that place, he at least knew he would be safe.
“Did you see dad’s expression when the officer showed him the papers?” Ren asked in a whisper.
“Yeah. He looked so angry.” Morgana replied.
“His eyes were full of pure disgust. My mom wouldn’t even look at me, but I could tell she was so upset, too.” Ren pointed out in a low voice.
“Hey. It’s going to be okay. We will handle everything one step at a time.” Morgana tried to reassure him.
Ren felt himself panicking again at just thinking about what could be in store for him when he gets home later. He knew that his parents had short fuses, and would often get volatile, even if he didn’t want to openly admit that. Ren wondered if he would have to leave home and go back to LeBlanc, not that he minded. He just hoped Sojiro would take him back in.
So many questions poured into his mind, one after the other, which made his head start hurting. He closed his eyes tight and tried to take a few deep breaths again, so he could try to stay as calm as possible.
“I can’t think straight.” Ren admitted in a whisper.
“It’s okay. Don’t try to think about it right now. You need to focus on yourself.” Morgana tried to help him.
“I know, but if I don’t, then I’ll have a breakdown. I have to think about what all could happen, and I need to have a sort of plan on what to do, where to go, and such. What does reopening the case even mean? Will I go back to jail? Will I be on probation again?” Ren asked in a panic.
“Try to remain calm. Focus on the deep breaths. Just as with the steps, we can tackle each worry and concern one at a time, too. ” Morgana calmly said.
Ren couldn’t help but to imagine how his parents would act towards him when he gets home. He could already see their expressions again. The hidden anger in their eyes scared him far more than anything else that he’s ever seen. He didn’t mean to upset his parents. He always tried his best to make them happy, but no matter what he did, he always felt like he fucked something up and in turn, made their lives harder.
“You’re right. The first thing that I need to tackle is how my parents will respond when I get home tonight. They were so upset earlier but they were in front of an officer, so I was spared at that moment.” Ren stated.
“Ren…do you have anywhere else you could go? Maybe another family members house?” Morgana asked.
Ren could hear the concern in Morgana’s voice. He knew Morgana was afraid as well, but Ren always made sure to hide Morgana out of line of sight whenever his parents were around. He made a promise to never let Morgana get hurt.
“I don’t. I wished that I did, but I don’t have any family. My grandparents on both sides are gone. My dad said he was an only child. My mom’s sibling is in another country and I have never met them. I promise you that no matter what happens, I won’t let my parents lay a finger on you.” Ren promised.
“You do that already and I’m not worried about them. I can claw them, if I need to. I’m worried about you. I’m worried that one day…they’ll go too far.” Morgana admitted.
Ren pulled Morgana into his arms and held him as he sat in silence. He tried to come up with multiple ways he could get into his house without running into his parents even once.
Ren felt a sudden buzz in his pocket. His whole body instantly shook out of panic. Once he realized that it was his phone, he pulled it out of his pocket to see who was texting him.
Dad: Get your ass home and I mean now!
Mom: You already know that you’re in trouble.
Dad: I don’t give a shit what you’re doing. Get home now!
“Oh no. My parents are demanding that I come home.” Ren panicked.
“Oh no. You’re still recovering from having a panic attack.” Morgana replied.
“If I don’t get home soon, then I’ll be a lot worse.” Ren softly pointed out.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Morgana could only apologize.
Ren knew there wasn’t much he could do right now, so he just quickly placed the phone back into his pocket, ready to head home. When he stood up, he felt the world start spinning. He felt himself losing his balance, so he threw his hand out towards the tree to hold himself steady while holding Morgana firmly, making sure to not drop him.
“Are you okay?” Ren asked Morgana.
“I should be asking you that. You’re not even able to stand on your feet just yet. I’m not sure how you’ll get home right now.” Morgana responded.
Ren stood against the tree, and closed his eyes as he took a few more deep breaths. He did his best to calm himself so he could walk home.
The wind blew against his body gently, making him shiver a little. It made him become aware of his sweat soaked shirt. He felt a little damp and bothered by how it made him feel.
“I didn’t realize that I sweated so much. I’m sorry about your fur.” Ren apologized to Morgana.
“You’re sorry about my fur? What do you think I am? A cat?” Morgana asked.
Ren could tell Morgana was trying to be his normal silly self. He could tell Morgana was trying his best to cheer him up.
“Nope. I think you’re my best friend.” Ren replied earnestly.
“Gee. I didn’t expect that response.” Morgana sounded caught off guard.
Ren smiled as he stood back up straight. He took a slow deep breath, and then began walking back home.
The walk home felt incredibly slow. A part of it was because his muscles felt sore, so each step felt slower. Another part was because he was dreading what he would walk home to.
“Morgana, do like we always do. When I reach the fence, hop over it without being seen. I need you to hide under my bed until I get upstairs.” Ren urged him.
“Ren, you know that I hate hiding away while you need my help.” Morgana quickly reminded him.
“And you know that I don’t want you to get hurt because of me.” Ren protested.
“But I can use my claws to scratch at them!” Morgana mentioned.
“I thought you said that you weren’t a cat.” Ren teased.
“I’m NOT!” Morgana sighed.
Ren chuckled while heading home. It hurt to chuckle a little. He hasn’t had time to get his breathing under control, and now he’s beginning to feel himself panic a little.
After several minutes of forcing himself to walk, he finally arrived by his house. He gently but quickly set Morgana down while no one was around to see him.
“Okay. Go.” Ren whispered.
Morgana looked at him with concern, but silently turned and hopped over the fence, just the way Ren planned. Ren then took a few more deep breaths as he slowly walked up to the front door. As he reached his hand out towards the knob, the knob suddenly looked like it moved far away. While holding his breath, he grabbed the knob and twisted it to open the door. Time dragged slowly as he opened the door. His chest felt tight from knowing about what to expect. A feeling of dread and intense fear washed over him in that moment.
As Ren walked into the room, he felt his pulse quicken. He did his best to keep calm, but after years of being hurt by his parents, he couldn’t stop himself from feeling afraid.
“You’re late!” Ren heard his mother’s voice boom from the room near him.
Ren looked and saw his parents were waiting for him in the main room. He stood there frozen as he watched them march up to him. His body started to tremble from what he knew what about to happen.
“We told you to get home now! We meant it! Why do you always have to disobey us?!” His dad’s voice growled at him.
Ren looked at them with wide eyes. He didn’t know if he should still try to explain himself, but he also knew that it could just make things worse.
As Ren began to wonder what he should say, he saw his dad drew his arm back, ready to hit. Ren took a step back, hoping to dodge it, but suddenly his mom stood behind him, to prevent him from running.
“The park! I was… at the… park! I was! I was hurrying… home! I swear!” Ren was fully panicking.
Ren saw his dad’s fist fly at him as the world slowed. Ren’s body betrayed his mind and immediately froze in fear. He felt intense pain against his face as the blow landed. Ren then stumbled backwards, but he felt his mom push him hard, making him fall sideways.
“Did we fucking ask?” Ren’s mom asked.
“I don’t give a shit if you were at the hospital. We said come home, and we meant it!” The dad screamed at him.
Ren felt intense pain as his dad kicked him in his side. Ren curled up a little, to hold his side as it radiated pain.
“I can’t believe you! You did it again! Why do you cause us so much problems?” His mother angrily questioned loudly.
Ren tried to stand up, but his mother pushed him back down. He looked up at her and her eyes were filled with so much anger.
“What did I do?” Ren asked.
“What do you do?! WHAT DID YOU DO?! YOU EMBARRASSED US AGAIN!” His mother yelled.
Ren wasn’t sure what he did this time. He figured it was about the cops coming, but he wasn’t sure if it was that or something else. Ren clenched his fist ready for the next blow.
“How did I embarrass you? I’ve done my best all of my life to make you both happy.” Ren responded.
“The cops told us they were reopening an investigation against you! You fucking idiot!” His dad screamed.
Ren saw his dad drew his arm back again, ready to punch him. Ren instinctively closed his eyes to brace for the impact. He then felt the hit to his arm.
“So it was about that. I thought I did something else, too.” Ren thought to himself as he winced.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know why they are.” Ren apologized.
“You’re sorry? YOU’RE SORRY?! It’s TOO LATE FOR THAT!” His mom screamed.
He saw his mother’s rage filled eyes look even more intense. She raised her hand back and quickly slapped him across his face. His face stung, so he looked down to stop her from slapping it again. His dad then grabbed him by his arm and lifted him up.
“Don’t look away when your mother is talking to you!” His dad screamed.
Ren’s mother then slapped him again across his face. She grabbed his hair and pulled it, to keep his head up.
“Do you understand the embarrassment and shame that you have caused this family?” His dad asked.
“Yea…Yes sir.” Ren responded.
Another punch from his dad hit in in the face. He could feel his lip swelling up. Some liquid was coming down from his nose, but he wasn’t sure if it was from sinuses or blood.
“What do I need to do to make it better?” Ren asked hoping for some answer.
“You can’t make anything better! You always make it worse! Everyone will be looking at us with shame! Our son keeps causing us trouble! Why me?” His mother screamed.
“I don’t mean to cause you trouble!” Ren replied.
“He’s been this way since he was little. He’s always been causing us trouble and shame. Imagine if everyone knew that he was a wiener sucker. Imagine if they knew that while on probation, he was chasing another guy.” His dad mocked him.
“Disgusting! You’re supposed to be smart, be good, do as you’re told, and marry a girl with money.” His mother responded.
His dad gripped both of Ren’s arms and began to shake him violently. His dad then punched him in the face before he punched him in the gut multiple times. Ren moved his arms to cover his stomach to stop the punches but then his dad moved his hands to start punching him in the sides. Ren felt the blows sharply. Each one seemed to hurt worse than the last. His shirt started to feel even wetter than earlier, but he wasn’t sure if it was from sweat or his imagination.
Ren’s dad threw him on the ground and spat at him. Ren looked up at his dad to see if he was about to hit him again, but this time he saw his dad had a belt in his hand. Ren tried to roll over to get back up so he could run, but the pain stopped him. He felt the belt hit his back hard. The sting was enough to make him want to cry out, but he bit his lower lip so he wouldn’t. His parents would be upset if he cried. His dad continued to repeatedly hit him with a belt, and Ren laid there on the ground silently crying with each hit. He prayed that it would be over soon.
“The officers said you’re due back for court in about a month from now. So, you need to go back to where you lived at before.” His mom said harshly.
Ren smiled a little as he heard her say that. He would be glad to get out of this hell of a home again. He was happier in the attic of LeBlanc than he ever was here.
“We already called the owner up and explained the situation. He agreed to let you stay there for the investigation and for court.” His mom added.
“You have an hour to pack up whatever shit you need, and get the hell out of my house until this is over. ONE HOUR! After that, I want you out!” His dad screamed.
Ren got up quickly in spite of the pain that he felt. He rushed upstairs to his room and frantically grabbed some suitcases.
“Morgana.” Ren whispered.
“I’m here. I heard everything. Are you okay?” Morgana asked.
“I’ll be okay once you and I are packed and out of here.” Ren replied back in a hushed voice.
“Okay. Let’s pack everything that we can and get out of here.” Morgana replied.
Ren grabbed as many of his clothes as he could. He then searched for and grabbed his books, his laptop, bathroom essentials, and everything that came to his mind. He started packing as much as he could in the few worn out suitcases that he had. He then remembered that he had money that he saved up from his part time jobs. He had been using it for rent, groceries, and such.
“I’m bringing the money.” Ren whispered to Morgana.
“Your parents will be pissed.” Morgana cautioned.
“What can they do to me when I’m gone?” Ren asked.
Ren grabbed the money container and took out all of his cash. He placed it in this bag and not his wallet because he knew his parents would check his wallet and pockets before he left.
“I have my two suitcases, and the Mona bag packed.” Ren informed Morgana.
“I think we have everything.” Morgana commented.
“Leave out of the window and I’ll get you outside.” Ren responded.
“Alright.” Morgana replied quickly.
Ren opened the window a little for Morgana so he could hop out. Ren then grabbed his journal and packed it as well. He grabbed the Mona bag, and the two suitcases and walked out of the room.
As he passed by his parent’s room, he noticed that they weren’t in there. He only glanced in the room, but there was something in the room that caught his eye. On the desk was a large yellow envelope that was opened and it looked like it had a stack of cash inside.
Ren quickly and quietly snuck into the room. He pulled things out of the envelope to see why there was so much cash. As he looked at some of the contents, he saw an adoption form with his picture on the side of it. Ren felt frozen for a moment, but then remembered he needed to hurry. He wasn’t normally a thief, but he desperately needed to get away from his parents and this did have his picture in it. He took the cash, and the big yellow envelope and placed it into his suitcase quickly. He then moved some of hisunderwear to on top of it to cover it, in case they tried to look.
Ren then carried everything into the main room where his parents were. His mom threw a hooded jacket at him. He knew she wanted him to cover up so no one saw his wounds. Ren quietly did as he had to do. He was so close to getting out of the house again, he was desperate to do almost whatever.
“Get out!” His dad yelled.
“Wait. Let me see what he packed.” His mom demanded.
Ren felt panicked. He didn’t want her searching too much. He hoped the underwear would stop her from fully snooping.
His mom reached for the suitcase and started to unzip. He saw his underwear pop out a little, which was part of the plan.
“You disgusting little asshole. Didn’t you learn how to pack a suitcase?” His mom asked.
“How dare you go against me!” His dad boomed at her.
Ren knew his dad and mom would now get into an argument. He hated that it was going to happen but was glad for the chance to now get out.
“Shut the fuck up! Don’t you talk to me like that! I’m over him, too! If I want to check to make sure he wasn’t stealing anything..” His mom went off.
He swiftly zipped up his suitcase, grabbed everything again, and then dashed out of the door. Once he was outside, he hurried away from the house to somewhere more public.
“Hey!” He heard Morgana meow at him.
“Morgana, hurry! I’ll explain later.” Ren urged Morgana.
Morgana hopped into the Mona bag quickly, and Ren then rushed to the train station. He hurried as fast as his injured legs could take him. He wasn’t sure when his legs became injured but they were. He could feel them.
Ren arrived at the train station, paid for the train, and then rode it all the way to Yongen.