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I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it at all. We were fighting nonstop and I hated it. This wasn’t us. Sure, we had our little squabbles back and forth, but nothing like this.
The album was due out in a month and we still hadn’t decided on a first single. Everyone was yelling for something different, especially Brad and Mike. Brad wanted When They Come for Me, Mike wanted Wretches and Kings. There was no soothing either of them. It got to the point where they were screaming at each other. It was then that we decided to call it a day.
I hated to see two people that had known each other for almost half their lives, so livid; so incensed. Doors got slammed and an eerie silence settled over the studio.
I didn’t move from where I sat for a long time. I guess I was still trying to process everything. And being in the location that I was, I knew for a fact that Mike hadn’t left yet. I never want to see him upset. He’s my best friend. He’s always been there for me, no matter how big or small the issue. When I’d call, he’d drop everything, without question. In fact, without him, I don’t think I would’ve made it through my divorce with Sam.
Rising in one fluid motion, I go searching for him. I don’t have to travel far as I find him right where I expect…the recording studio. He’s slumped over at the computer, hands clenched tight at his dark raven hair. He must not hear me because he lets out a pained groan and bangs his fist on the table.
“Damn it, I hate this!”
It pains me to see him so miserable. “Mike?”
He lets out a sigh. “Go away Chester. Please, I don’t have the energy for any more arguments about this shit.”
“No, I won’t. I don’t like seeing you like this. I hate how upset you are,” as I tentatively move closer to him. I rest a hand on his shoulder in an effort to comfort him and am hurt when he shrugs me off.
“Stop! Just stop! I want to sit here alone and come up with a solution. Go home!” he shouts without even looking at me.
“Come on Mike, don’t be stupid. You’re way stressed out and it’s late. Go see Anna and get some rest. I’m not leaving without you man.
With no warning, he stands up, whips around and shoves me away. A rush of anger and pain hits me and I shove him back. “What the fuck man?! I’m trying to help you. Don’t be such an asshole!”
This is not what I wanted. We’re yelling and fighting each other. First Brad, now me…what kind of friend am I?
Something changes in his face right then and he snaps. He does something I never thought he’d do. He hits me. The blow comes so quickly I have no time to react. It lands on the side of my face and I’m left stunned, holding my cheek in pain.
Fight versus flight kicks in and rage bubbles up from deep inside me. I punch him right back and he staggers back towards the controls. Shock floods me, not believing what I’ve just done.
“Oh god, Mike, I’m so sorry man,” I say, as I move to him. Knowing Mike, he’ll brush it off, say it was no big deal and we’ll hug and make peace. If only it had happened that way.
The moment I place my hand on his shoulder again, his head comes up and a look of madness comes upon him. He puts his arm to my throat and forces me up against the wall. He’s pushing so hard it hurts to breathe. “Fuck you Chester, fuck you!”
Knowing I’m stronger than him, I grab his arms and turn him. I hold his hands above his head and press my body against him to calm him down. “Stop Mike! Fucking stop! Do you see what we’re doing? What we’re fighting about? It’s fucking stupid. Just chill man!”
His eyes are still wild and glossy with emotion even as he takes a deep breath to center himself. “Chester, I’m sorry…I’m so sorry. I’m so tired, so stressed out. I just can’t do it anymore. I need it to be done. I just want to be done and touring and seeing the fans. I hate fighting with you and Brad…and the band. You guys are my family. I fucking hate it man.”
My own eyes soften and I release his arms to pull him into mine. I tell him how sorry I am and that it’ll be ok. I rub his back and soothe him the best I can. It breaks my heart to see him so mentally exhausted. His legs shake right along with his shoulders and I settle us both down onto the couch.
We sit there for quite some time before any of us moves again. Nothing but deep, rapid breaths from Mike and soft assurances from me. He looks up with wide eyes and focuses on the red mark on my face, then looks into my eyes. His mouth opens to apologize and I shake my head, “No need Mike. No need.”
I reach forward to run a hand through his hair and press a kiss to his forehead. His eyes close in contentment and I lose the thread of control I had left. I turn his head up and do what I’ve wanted to do for years now. I kiss him and let my mind go blank.
Nothing about this is ok. We’re both married…I have kids. For all I know, this could be what tears everything apart, but I don’t care. I need this. He needs this. So I keep kissing him and tell myself it’ll be all right.
He paws at me weakly, mumbling, “No…Chester…no, no…” But even as he says this, he’s starting to respond to me, kissing me back and moving his hands to my shoulders. I tangle my fingers in his hair again, loving how long and silky it is. We tease him about it, always calling him Justin Bieber, but I can’t get enough of it. Maybe I should grow mine again…
I move myself up so that my knees are resting on the couch, straddling his hips. I persistently lick his lips in an effort to further explore and I moan in pleasure when his mouth opens and my tongue connects with his. He tastes like chocolate and coffee. I smile when he tugs on my lower lip.
Moving to his neck, I inhale his scent and groan. He has always smelled so damn good. My tongue darts out to taste him and he bucks his hips up against me. His hands move to my back where he claws helplessly at my shirt before settling them on my shoulder blades. I feel his nails dig into my skin as we both grow more insistent and more erratic.
The need to feel skin on skin consumes me and I reach for his belt, hastily undoing it and throwing it behind me. I rip at the button of his jeans and tug down the zipper. So close, almost there…I carefully ease down his boxers and my mouth waters at the sight of his swollen cock. Purple with desire and cum beading from the tip, I teasingly stroke him until he lets out a ragged groan.
“Oh god, Chester, please, I need…I need…” He’s lost in pleasure; breathing heavily…I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He pushes up seeking my touch, feverishly moaning my name. I know he’s close…so am I.
Insane with lust, I undo my jeans and shove them down my hips. My erection is straining against my boxers, pre-cum soaking the material. Without any more hesitation, I free my cock and rut against him. My hands move to his ass giving me more leverage. We both throw our heads back and howl in bliss. There are no words to describe how amazing this feels. Our skin is slick with sweat and cum, making it easy to glide against each other. My stomach tightens and I thrust harder. I can’t stop panting and groaning. I feel my lungs burning as everything inside of me tenses up.
“Mike, fuck, you’re amazing…fuck!” His face moves to my neck and he sucks on my skin. The sensation of his tongue on me is what pushes me over the edge. I cry out, panting his name, as I release all over his chest and stomach. My hips spasm as I ride out my orgasm. Blindly, I move my hand from his ass to his cock and run my thumbnail over the sensitive head. He jolts up and screams, gripping my shoulders painfully, moaning raggedly.
Again, I find myself surrounded in silence as both of us come down from our high. Fear overtakes me when I realize what’s happened. Tears prickle my eyes and I find myself choking up.
“Fuck, what have I done? I’m so sorry Mike…” I whisper brokenly.
I move to pull away, but his tight grip on my waist keeps me settled on his lap. Confusion races through my brain and I raise my head to search his eyes for answers.
“You did nothing that I didn’t want Chester. Don’t blame yourself for any of this. I’ve known for a long time how you feel about me, I’ve just hidden it better I suppose,” he chuckles softly resting a hand on my bruised cheek.
Shock reads all over my face. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “You’re not fucking with me are you? Because I’m not sure I can take that.”
“No, I’m not…when have I ever lied to you Chester? You mean so much to me; I wouldn’t hurt you like that.” He pulls me closer and rests my head against his own.
“But what about Anna? What about Tali? And the guys?”
“I don’t know Chester. I really don’t. All I know is that I can’t lie to myself anymore. Let’s talk about this tomorrow ok? I just want to be here with you.”
I nod and grab the blanket from the top of the couch to pull it over the both of us. He reaches up to lock the door and shut the blinds and I try not to think about what tomorrow will bring…