Work Text:
Taki was like the moon.
The thought slipped out of Tomori’s brain of its own volition as the two of them walked down the quiet, dark sidewalk. It almost made her stop, but she didn’t want to make Taki worry and start asking questions she had no idea how to answer. So she forced one foot in front of the other, keeping pace half a step behind.
The moon was beautiful, but it carried an air of quiet loneliness about it.
Taki was beautiful, but she carried an air of self-imposed isolation about her.
The moon always guided her eyes as she explored the night sky.
Taki always guided her path as they walked the nighttime cityscape.
The moon forever remained out of her reach, no matter how hard she tried.
Taki—
Her hand froze, halfway outstretched towards her friend. Taki wasn’t out of her reach. Tomori could just….
Taki’s hand swung back and forth. With each step, it came within centimeters of brushing against Tomori’s own. It would be so simple just to—
Taki’s hand flinched away. She held it in front of her chest. “Sorry, Tomori.”
“N-No, it’s okay.”
They kept walking. Taki kept her hand clutched to the front of her school uniform. The other still swung freely. Tomori stared at the empty space at Taki’s side. Her hand reached for it as if it could grab a ghost or a memory.
Taki truly was like the moon.
They reached the pedestrian bridge, and Taki stopped at its midpoint like she always did. She hadn’t let go of her uniform—her fingers rolling the fabric between them.
“I’ll see you at practice tomorrow. Goodnight, Tomori.”
“Mmm. Goodnight, Taki-chan…. Get home safe.”
“…Thanks.”
Maybe it was a trick of the light—of the streetlamps above or the distant moon beyond—but Tomori thought she saw Taki smile. She stood rooted in place as Taki turned and walked back the way they had come. A single set of footsteps echoed into the night, cli-clack cli-clack cli-clack. The distance between them grew with each step, opening a deep chasm within Tomori’s chest. Her arm twitched, and it was half raised before she forced it back to her side. Thoughts and feelings bubbled up inside her, but she couldn’t put them into words, couldn’t shape them into anything solid enough to give voice to, couldn’t make them real.
Cli-clack cli-clack cli-clack.
She watched Taki leave, more distant than the moon itself.
####################
Even during the day, the moon still sometimes showed herself.
Tomori stood on her balcony, gazing up at the almost-full moon making its appearance before the sun had dipped below the horizon. Her mind had been a jumbled mess all day, reliving the previous night over and over from every angle. Those feelings in her chest as she watched Taki leave hadn’t gone away. What were they? Why did she want to hold Taki’s hand so badly? Why did it disappoint her so much when Taki pulled away? She had wanted to talk to Anon about it, but it was the weekend. Left to her own devices, she found herself no closer to understanding.
Something at street level caught her attention. She looked down.
Into the face of her moon.
Taki stood on the pedestrian bridge, looking up at her and waving.
Tomori’s eyes widened. She glanced over her shoulder. Her alarm clock said it was almost time to leave for practice. Turning back outside, three ghosts stood behind Taki. She blinked. They disappeared. She held her hand up, returning Taki’s wave before going inside to get ready.
Some time later, they walked together towards RiNG. The sound of their footsteps was lost in the din of the early evening. Cars sped by on the street next to them. Other people passed them on the sidewalk. Tomori kept her eyes up, focused on the back of Taki’s head. The wind blew by and billowed Taki’s hair to the side. She had her earring in. Sometimes Tomori forgot her ears were pierced. It jostled in the breeze, sparkling as it reflected an errant ray of sunlight, before her hair once again hid it from view.
It was beautiful.
She never would have seen it if Taki hadn’t come to walk to practice with her.
She never would have experienced so many things if Taki hadn’t been there for her.
“Thank you, Taki-chan.”
The toe of Taki’s shoe caught the pavement, and she half stumbled before catching herself. She slowed her pace so they walked side by side. Her ear was red. It made her earring stand out even more.
“W-W-What was that for?” she asked.
For always being there for me. For always looking out for me. For always going out of your way for me. For always putting on a smile for me.
So many reasons for Tomori to be thankful of Taki’s presence in her life, but as these feelings churned in her stomach, cascading around and into each other and reflecting off memories and wishes and dreams, none of the words felt right. The totality of her thoughts resisted all attempts to verbalize.
Instead, what came out was, “For walking to practice with me.”
Which in and of itself was not a lie.
Taki still smiled. Then she stiffened up and looked straight ahead. Her mouth moved, but the city around them swallowed the words before they could reach Tomori’s ears. She sped up, once again half a step ahead.
Tomori followed her all the way to RiNG.
MyGO!!!!! practiced.
It went well.
Taki only got a little annoyed at Anon and Raana.
She said more nice things about Tomori’s voice. Tomori still didn’t understand what was so special about it, but so many other people also said nice things. Maybe she believed it now. At least when Taki said it.
Raana left the instant Taki said practice was over.
Anon threw her arm around Tomori’s shoulder. “Great work today, Tomorin!” She nuzzled her cheek against the side of Tomori’s head.
“You, too, Ano-chan.”
It was warm.
Would Taki be this warm?
Would Taki ever hold her like this?
Did Tomori want Taki to hold her like this?
Yes.
That would be nice.
She still remembered how Taki had hugged her after CRYCHIC’s only concert.
It had been so warm.
It reminded her of all the feelings swishing around her chest earlier.
Maybe a touch could speak those feelings for her while she searched for the words.
Anon let go and went to hug Soyo from behind. Tomori turned towards Taki. She was on her knees, doing something to her drums that Tomori didn’t understand.
“Good work today, Taki-chan,” Tomori said. She touched Taki’s shoulder.
Taki flinched.
Tomori pulled her hand back.
“Y-You too, Tomori. Let me finish this up, then we can leave, okay?”
Tomori nodded, but Taki wasn’t looking at her. She hummed a response that she had learned meant agreement. Taking half a step back, she watched Taki continue to do… whatever she was doing. Anon and Soyo walked past her. It wasn’t until the studio door clicked shut behind them that their farewells registered in her brain. Tomori said goodbye to a closed door.
She and Taki left soon after. The sun had set. The almost-full moon hung high in the sky, so far away. So far away. Tomori reached up as if to grasp it in her hand, but of course she couldn’t. Her eyes fell. Taki’s hair swooshed in the breeze again. Her arm swayed back and forth.
Tomori reached out—
Taki jolted her hand away. “S-Sorry, Tomori.”
The words to answer wouldn’t come.
Why…. Why did Taki keep flinching away from Tomori’s touch? Why did that make Tomori’s stomach writhe? What was she doing wrong?
They reached the bridge.
Another farewell.
Another night lost to thoughts that she couldn’t untangle.
####################
School the next day passed by in a blur. Tomori barely paid attention. Her thoughts swirled around. Doodles filled the margins of her notebook—shapes and spirals and rocks and bugs and hands and squiggles and nothing and everything.
The final bell rang. She escaped to the astronomy club room. Words spilled onto the pages, but just like her thoughts, they spiraled around nothing, orbiting some understanding she lacked, leading back to themselves, never moving forward, trapped in the black hole of her missing humanity.
She looked up.
Anon sat across from her, fiddling with her guitar.
Tomori furrowed her brow. When had Anon showed up? She looked at the clock. School had ended an hour ago. They had practice in thirty minutes.
“Ano-chan?”
“Eh? What’s up, Tomorin?”
How long have you been here? I’m sorry for ignoring you. My thoughts are stuck. I want something, but I don’t know why I want it. I can’t figure it out. It leaves me feeling anxious, like I can’t quite catch my breath, like I’m missing something obvious that everyone else knows about, like it’s my fault somehow, like—
“Tomorin?”
“Ah—!” She jolted in her seat. “S-Sorry.” Maybe… maybe Anon could help. Tomori had wanted to talk to her about it yesterday, so why not now? “Um… could I… ask you a question?”
“Go for it!”
“What would you do if… we were walking together, and our hands bumped into each other?”
Anon tilted her head. “Ehh? I guess I’d probably say sorry and step to the side a little so it didn’t happen again?”
Tomori frowned and looked down at her notebook.
“Ah, wait wait wait!” Anon said, waving her hands around. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, was that the wrong answer?”
“What if… I was trying to hold your hand?”
“Well… it’d be hard to tell that from a simple bump.” Anon paused. “What’s this about, Tomorin?”
Tomori clutched at her skirt, rolling the fabric between her fingers. She liked Haneoka’s skirt. It had a nice texture to it. It helped calm her down. She took a deep breath.
“I… want to hold hands with Taki-chan,” she said. It was the first time her thoughts had coalesced enough to speak them into existence. “But every time I’ve tried, she always flinches away. But I think maybe I’m not doing it right….”
“Ooooohhhhh, I get it now!” Anon said as her expression lit up. “See, the thing is, Rikki is like, super extra oblivious to stuff like that, so you’ve gotta be direct about it! Don’t leave any room for misunderstanding!”
No room for misunderstanding? “That… sounds hard….”
“You just gotta grab her hand and hold it! Or if that’s a little too bold, just tell her you wanna hold hands or something. I’m pretty sure Rikki is like, physically incapable of saying no to you.”
Tomori frowned again. “But… what if she doesn’t actually want to hold my hand? Wouldn’t it be bad if she still said yes?”
“Tomorin….” Anon packed so much reassurance into that one little word. Her expression had softened from its initial excitement into something much… softer. “I don’t think you have to worry about that, okay? Just trust me.”
“O-Okay. I trust you.”
“Good! I am basically a romance expert, after all.”
“Ro…mance?”
“Shoot,” Anon muttered under her breath. Then much louder, she added, “Never mind, don’t worry about it! Just… do whatever you think will make you the happiest, okay, Tomorin?”
Whatever would make her the happiest…. “Thanks, Ano-chan. I’ll try.”
“Good! Now c’mon, let’s get to practice!”
They walked to RiNG together.
Raana was only three minutes late this time.
During practice, Tomori’s eyes kept drifting towards Taki’s reflection in the big mirror. Taki always smiled so much while she played drums. More than once, their eyes met, and Tomori’s heart skipped a beat each time.
She wanted to hold Taki’s hand.
She wanted Taki to hold her hand.
She wanted Taki to want to hold her hand.
It meant something. Tomori knew it meant something, but her brain couldn’t figure it out. She didn’t feel that way about Anon or Soyo or Raana or Sakiko or Mutsumi or anyone else.
Just Taki.
What did it mean?
Practice ended.
They cleaned up the studio and left.
She and Taki turned towards her home. Anon and Soyo went in a different direction. Raana wandered off in another.
The moon was full tonight. It lit the world in its pale glow, cutting through the darkness. Tomori stared at it as she walked along. She reached out.
“Sor—”
“Taki-chan.”
They slowed to a stop on the empty sidewalk. Taki furrowed her brow but waited.
Be direct about it!
“Taki-chan, I….”
Don’t leave any room for misunderstanding!
“I… want to hold your hand.”
Taki’s eyes widened. “Hah?”
“I want to hold your hand when you walk me home. I’ve wanted to for the past three nights. Every time our hands bumped I was trying to hold your hand, but you always pulled away, and it made my chest tight, and I thought I was doing something wrong, and I was, I wasn’t telling you what I wanted, so I’m telling you right now.
“I want to hold your hand.”
Several long seconds of silence filled the space between them. It displaced the air itself, and Tomori couldn’t breathe as she waited for Taki’s answer. Her face shifted through a full range of expressions that Tomori couldn’t decipher.
Taki blushed and thrust her hand out while looking at the ground next to Tomori’s feet.
Tomori reached out.
And took Taki’s hand.
It was soft, save for a single callus right below the first knuckle of her index finger.
It was warm, just like Tomori had imagined.
It trembled, not enough to see but more than enough to feel.
She squeezed.
A moment later, Taki squeezed back.
The trembling stopped.
They continued walking side by side. Their hands swung in unison. Neither said anything, but Tomori had used up most of her words during her breathless admission. Her thoughts still spiraled around inside her head, but the shape of the emotion they orbited was gaining clarity. Though despite her best efforts, it eluded all attempts to be named.
But the shape was there.
A name could come later.
They reached the bridge.
Taki stopped at the half way point, but Tomori continued walking without relinquishing her hold of Taki’s hand. She only stopped and looked back when their arms were fully outstretched. Taki shuffled her feet, staring at the ground. Words bubbled up in Tomori’s throat.
“You… don’t have to stop there….”
Taki looked up, eyes wide. She swallowed.
“…Okay.”
And took a step forward.
The distance between them closed.