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She told herself over and over again that her family wouldn’t ambush her again. She reassured herself through every doubt that crept into her mind, every night she spent awake telling herself this was an awful idea. And honestly? Every waking moment of the week leading up to their trip. It was all she thought about, but her mom wouldn't do that to her, not after what they'd talked about last time.
And to be fair, her mom didn't ambush her. The first few days were really peaceful and nice. She and Scout arrived on the evening of the 28th and spent all of the 29th catching up with her mom while she got to know her grandson. Carolyn was fantastic with Scout; she spoiled him–and Amelia–with Christmas gifts and cooked all of Amelia’s favorite meals from when she was growing up. For the briefest amount of time, it felt like something in her was healing. The dark memories from her childhood home weren’t being replaced, but good ones were being added–ones that weren’t fuzzy from the trauma or the painkillers she took to numb the hardest years of her life. For the first time in her life, when she thought about her childhood home, she could picture Scout’s giggles as he crawled around the living room instead of the screaming matches between her and her sisters. That cozy Westchester house felt like a soft place to land rather than a place she’d avoided like the plague for the last 25 years.
And if she was being honest, It was a complete accident that Kathleen knocked on her mom’s front door bright and early on the 30th. It wasn’t Carolyn’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. Just the universe reminding her that she’s not allowed to have nice things, at least not in New York.
Kathleen had no idea that she was there. Amelia and Scout were upstairs in her childhood bedroom. He was down for a nap after his mid-morning bottle, and that familiar seven-beat knock that all of her siblings did made her freeze in her tracks.
She tiptoed to her bedroom door and leaned her ear against it. It was exactly what she’d do as a kid when she knew she was in trouble, but she didn’t know what else to do. And honestly? If anyone found out she was there, she was definitely in trouble.
"One of my patients is in crisis. I have to go to Mount Sinai,” Kathleen said. She definitely just needed a babysitter for her youngest. How old was Nicky now? Seven? Eight? Either way, he was old enough to catch onto the fact that there were two more guests in his grandma’s house.
There was silence from her mother. A few long beats where Amelia could practically hear the gears turning in her head. Then, finally, "Okay, but not too late. It's supposed to start snowing around seven."
She leaned her head against the door and inhaled a deep breath as tears filled her eyes. Being in this house suddenly made her feel like she was stepping into the fifteen year old version of her. All of a sudden, it all became too familiar to her; the furniture, the nervous way her mother still kind of acted around her, but mostly her emotions. How she felt.
The body keeps the score. She never believed that theory; it was too pseudoscience-y for her to get behind, but she sure felt it now. This house brought out the angry version of herself, the fifteen year old that wanted to destroy everything around her because that's what her own life felt like: destroyed, with no chance of being rebuilt. The mid forties version of herself knew better; she knew how to protect herself now, that it was better to remove herself from this situation than sit at a dinner table with Kathleen ever again. She told herself years ago that she wouldn't put herself through that. She wasn't going to do that to Scout either. He needed a grandma, but he had plenty of aunties already. Meredith, Addison, and Maggie were enough for her to never need love from her biological sisters. Scout didn't need it either.
At some point, she retreated back to her bed, breathing in the familiar scent of her mom’s favorite laundry detergent as she laid back down. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know a way out of this, and she needed to think.
There were two quiet knocks at her bedroom door and her mom slipped in the room before waiting for a response. She was just glad that Scout didn’t even stir in his sleep.
“I’m sorry,” Carolyn said. It was gentle, and Amelia knew she meant it. It just didn’t change anything. They needed to go. “What was I supposed to say?”
“I don’t know,” Amelia shrugged. “Anything? Book club, lunch with your nurse friends, literally anything.”
“It’s not like I invited her for dinner,” Carolyn offered.
“I told you, nobody was supposed to know I’m here. That was the deal.”
Carolyn sighed and leaned against the door frame. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“I am going to find us a hotel or a flight home or something, and then we’ll be out of your hair.” She watched the expression on her mom’s face change. Remorse to… shock? She couldn’t seriously be surprised by this. She knew the deal. “Maybe we can try this again another time, but I can’t do this. I want this to be positive for Scout.”
“Amelia,” Carolyn squeezed her eyes shut in frustration. “Can we please just talk about this?”
“Another time.” She said it sternly enough that her mom seemed to get the hint. She wasn’t budging. This wasn’t like last time. She refused to get herself into a situation she didn’t know her way out of. “I’ll let you know when we’re leaving, okay?”
Amelia turned around to dig her laptop out of her bag as soon as the door was shut. Her mom was right, the storm was coming fast and she had no idea if she’d be able to fly out.
As she scrolled through flights and checked the radar, she realized her chance of making it out of New York would be slim to none. She’d be spending an exorbitant amount of money on flights and an Uber to the airport just to most likely be stranded overnight, if not longer. Nothing sounded worse than being stranded overnight at LaGuardia with an infant, so she decided on plan B: finding a hotel room.
Her Expedia account opened to her trip itinerary: hotels she’d been looking at before her mom offered for them to stay, places she’d wanted to take Scout to, and a few kid-friendly restaurants she’d been looking at for her and Scout’s dinner with Arizona.
She wanted Scout to meet someone who had been important to her at one point in her life. If she was honest, Arizona was still important to her. Two years and 3,000 miles didn’t change anything. Amelia still cared so much about her, and it made her sad that it didn’t look like they’d get to see each other on this trip.
She picked up her phone off the nightstand to see a text that came through a few minutes prior.
Arizona [3:53 p.m.]: Are we still on for tonight? I know the weather is gross, but I’d still love to see you both.
Her chest warmed at the thought of someone excited to see her and Scout. Instead of texting back, she pressed the call button instead.
“Hey!” Arizona’s cheery greeting put a smile on her face before she could help it.
“Hey.” She tried to sound as cheerful as Arizona, but didn’t quite reach it.
“Uh oh, did you call to cancel on me?”
She couldn’t help but chuckle at Arizona still knowing her so well. “Yeah, I think so. Things, uh, things aren’t great over here, so I’m just trying to find a way to get out of here.”
“Your sisters?”
“Sort of,” Amelia shrugged. “Things haven’t changed, I guess.”
“I’m sorry, especially since Scout’s with you, too. But, um, the storm that’s coming in… do you think you’ll have any luck getting out?”
“No,” Amelia admitted. “I’m just going to find a hotel and try to get settled with him before the storm starts.”
There was a long beat of silence before Arizona responded. “What if you both just stayed with me?”
“What?”
“Sofia’s at Callie’s for the week and I’m off work, so I’d love the company. Unless you really want to stay in an overpriced hotel near the airport,” she said with a grin Amelia could hear.
“Are you sure?”
“Amelia, yes,” Arizona replied with fake exasperation. “I’m actually leaving work in a few. Do you want me to come and pick you up? You’re in Westchester, right?”
"Yeah. That… would be great, actually. I'll text you the address?"
“Sounds good. Give me like an hour? Hour-thirty, maybe? I don't know how traffic is,” she explained.
“Wait.” Amelia said. “I’m that far from you?”
Arizona was silent for a second, and Amelia could practically hear the gears turning as she tried to think of what to say. “No! I just… work a-and-” She always sounded exactly the same when she was lying: voice higher, slightly panicked, and that cute little stutter she got when she was rambling. Amelia wished she was there to see her blushing, too.
“Arizona.”
"Fine,” Arizona said. “Maybe it’s an hour, but I don’t mind. Does he need anything? I'm not sure what you brought with you…"
Amelia looked down at Scout, asleep in her niece's old pack and play. She definitely couldn’t take that or she'd once again never hear the end of it.
"You wouldn't happen to have a pack and play would you?"
"Actually, I think we do somewhere around here. It was donated by a patient that was in town for a procedure a few months ago that couldn't take it back home. I'll look for it, and if I can't find it, I'll get one delivered to the house."
"You don't have to do that."
"I know," Arizona said. "I want to. Plus, I haven't seen you since I moved."
"True," Amelia laughed. "Let me know when you're here and I'll meet you outside."
Arizona pulled up to the house a little over an hour later. Amelia had already brought their luggage down to the foyer before waiting back up in the bedroom while Scout napped. Once he was bundled up and in his car seat, she said a quick goodbye to her mom. She opened the door to find Arizona leaning against the running car, arms wrapped around herself for extra warmth.
“Why don’t you get his seat buckled into the back and I’ll grab your bags while you do that.”
Once she got him strapped in, Amelia closed the door and turned to face Arizona who had been standing there waiting to help after loading the trunk. She grabbed Amelia and pulled her in for a hug. It took Amelia everything not to melt from the safety she immediately felt from Arizona’s touch and the familiar scent of her perfume.
“Thank you again,” she said into Arizona’s shoulder.
Arizona pulled back with a nod and a giant smile. “C’mon, it’s cold.”
She relaxed for the car ride back while Arizona talked about work. She hadn’t heard much about the clinic or how Arizona and Nicole were doing, so it was nice to catch up and hear about how well things were going for them.
Once they were back to Arizona’s Upper West Side condo, Arizona helped her bring their bags inside and kept Scout company downstairs while Amelia set up his pack and play in Sofia’s bedroom. She lingered in the hallway upstairs before she came back down, listening to Scout’s laugh as Arizona played with him. Arizona’s place was cozy. It wasn’t crazy big, just a small two-story unit with two bedrooms. Amelia figured she liked it better that way, that it wouldn’t feel too big without Sofia home. The walls downstairs were covered in artwork, but the hallway upstairs was full of picture frames. She got distracted for a few minutes looking at all of the pictures Arizona had displayed. Mark was in quite a few of them and it made Amelia so happy that Arizona was still keeping his memory alive.
Scout’s loud giggle pulled her out of her daze, and she returned downstairs, smiling at the sight of Arizona on the floor with him.
“I think he’s a fan,” Arizona grinned. “I’m surprised he’s so comfortable around a stranger.”
“Maybe he can tell you’re not really a stranger.” Amelia winked, and Arizona teasingly rolled her eyes.
“I’m going to go put fresh sheets on Sof’s bed for you, and then we’ll figure out dinner.”
They fed Scout some of the baby food she’d packed for him once she came back downstairs. He sat on Amelia’s lap while Arizona fed him spoonfuls of food, and he ate a surprising amount considering they were in an unusual place without his highchair.
Arizona insisted on holding him and keeping him entertained while Amelia looked through the takeout menus Arizona kept in her junk drawer. Amelia was always in awe of how immediately good Arizona was with any kid, but something inside of her chest bloomed at it being her kid that Arizona was making giggle. She tried taking Scout back from her a few times, but Arizona just shook her head. “It’s been so long since I got to hang out with babies that are actually born,” she half-cooed at Scout before tickling him and turning to talk to Amelia. “Any idea what you want for dinner?”
They eventually settled on Chinese and Amelia put Scout to bed upstairs after they ordered. Once it arrived, Amelia got to work spreading out all the containers on the coffee table while Arizona flipped through TV channels.
Amelia settled into the opposite end of the couch after they ate and picked at her thumbnail while she zoned out. Her attention was divided between whatever cooking show was on TV and listening to Arizona type on her computer, the sound of long fingernails clicking against the keyboard.
“Sorry,” Arizona said. “I promise after this email, I’m done working for the night.”
“You’ve been saying that for 20 years,” Amelia teased. “You’re never done working.”
Arizona just grinned at her, eyes sparkling through the thick tortoiseshell frames of her glasses.
She zoned out again and tried not to spiral too hard about the turn the last 24 hours took. She hoped that things would be different, that Scout would be a catalyst in repairing everything with her mom and sisters. She wanted more for him; a big extended family, two places he could call home, and the kind of warmth that came from being loved and cared for by so many people. She had no doubt in her mind that she could be enough for him, but she wanted more.
“Do you want to talk about today?” Arizona’s voice pulled her out of her spiral.
“Um…” Amelia started. “You kind of need context. I was here last year with Link.”
“And you didn’t call me?” Arizona asked in mock offense.
“It was supposed to be quick, but we ran into Nancy at the hospital. I never told them I got divorced, and she thought Link was Owen, and I just… ran with it, I guess? It was stupid, and my mom came over and caught us, but that was the last time I was here.”
“And I’m assuming they were awful about it?”
“My sisters were,” Amelia shrugged. “My mom was actually kind of understanding. We had this long conversation before I left, and that’s what made me want to come here again. I wanted Scout to meet her.”
“And it went badly?” Arizona asked in disbelief.
“My one rule was that my sisters couldn’t know. After everything that happened that time, I just… I don’t want them in my life.”
“Fair,” Arizona shrugged.
“And then this morning, Kathleen dropped off my nephew because of some emergency at work. And now they probably all know I’m here, so we had to go. Maybe it’s stupid, but that was my one boundary.”
“It’s not stupid,” Arizona reassured her. “Are you upset, or still just processing it?”
“Honestly?” Amelia said. “I probably should be, but I’m just proud of myself, sort of.”
“You should be,” Arizona grinned. “You stood your ground and got out of there.”
“I just feel stupid for ever thinking this would work,” Amelia admitted. “And guilty for imposing on you.”
“Amelia Shepherd,” Arizona teased. “You don’t even know how much I’ve missed you. I’m so glad you’re here.”
Amelia grinned shyly at her and started picking at her thumbnail again. Anything to distract her from Arizona’s bright blue eyes staring at her with such kindness in them.
“Okay, happier conversation,” Arizona settled on. “What did you do for Christmas?”
Amelia shrugged. “I went to Link’s for a bit. He had Scout that week, but I got to spend the morning with them.”
“Aww good,” Arizona grinned. “I had Sofia. We alternate every year so Callie came over here the day of and now Sofia is with her for New Years,” she explained.
The conversation grew lighter for a few minutes while they talked about all the gifts they got for Scout and Sofia. Sofia’s stocking was still hung on the mantle, weighed down with candy and smaller presents, and a few of her gifts were still scattered around the living room, yet to be put away from Christmas a few days ago. Amelia realized she hadn’t seen Arizona just… at home like this, at least not since they lived in Baltimore. Arizona’s eyes lit up at the tv mid-conversation, and she interrupted herself as she turned the volume up. “Oh my god, The X-Files!”
Amelia couldn’t help but laugh at her excitement. “That was all we watched while we studied for Boards. You had the biggest crush on Scully.”
“So did you! You just didn’t want to admit it.”
“I mean Mulder is pretty hot.”
Arizona shot her a playful look. “Not as hot as Scully.”
Amelia smiled back at her before relaxing further into the couch and turning her attention to the episode.
They watched a few more before both of them were yawning, and Arizona turned off the TV. “You need anything before bed?”
“I’m good,” Amelia reassured her. “Thank you again. For everything.”
“Of course.”
Scout woke her up with a cry around 1:30 a.m. His wail pierced through Arizona’s silent home and caused Amelia to cringe as she tried to soothe him without going down to make another bottle for him; he’d only eaten a couple hours prior.
There was a soft knock on the bedroom door a few minutes later, followed by Arizona turning the knob and peeking in with a sleepy smile. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, sorry,” Amelia said as she patted his back and bounced him in her arms. “I’m not sure why he won’t calm down.”
“Nothing to be sorry about. Do you want me to go make a bottle?” She watched as Amelia made one earlier before showing her how to work the microwave.
“You don’t have to-” Amelia started before Scout’s cries got even louder, cutting her off. She looked up at Arizona in defeat.
Arizona frowned playfully. “Poor guy. I’ll be right back,” she said before disappearing.
Amelia turned her attention back to Scout, pacing back and forth with him, trying to get him to at least take his pacifier until Arizona got back. It calmed him for a couple of seconds before he spit it out and continued his crying.
Luckily, Arizona was back within a couple of minutes, warm bottle in one hand and a cold bottle of water in the other for Amelia. She handed Scout’s to Amelia and set the water bottle down on the side table before sitting on the edge of the bed and watching her attempt to feed him.
“Does he usually have trouble sleeping?”
Amelia shook her head with a smile as Scout finally started eating. “No, he’s typically a good sleeper lately.”
“Was he not great when he was a newborn?”
“Nope, he kept Link and I up a lot. It was a rough couple of months.”
His big blue eyes stared at Arizona while he sucked on his bottle, and she watched him back with a huge grin on her face as he continued eating. “Can I hold him for a bit when he’s done?”
“You don’t want to go back to bed?” Amelia wondered. “It’s late.”
Arizona shrugged. “We can nap tomorrow. I’d rather keep you company.”
She made herself comfortable on the other side of the bed, propping up some pillows and sliding her legs under the blankets. Comfortable silence fell over them for a few minutes until Amelia sat the bottle down on the nightstand and stood up to carry him over to Arizona’s side of the bed.
“Hi sweet guy,” Arizona grinned as she got him settled on her lap. He was still full of energy, but Amelia knew he’d be asleep within minutes.
Amelia crawled into the other side of bed and shifted her pillows closer to Arizona. “Thank you for staying up with us.”
“Are you kidding? I’m not missing out on sleepy infant cuddles,” Arizona said. “I still can’t believe you have a kid.”
“Honestly?” Amelia asked. “Me either. I never thought… after everything in LA, that I would. I guess I didn’t think I’d ever feel ready, but who actually feels ready to become a parent?”
“I didn’t,” Arizona shrugged. “And now she’s halfway through fourth grade.” She paused, eyes lingering on Amelia’s. “I don’t think you’ve told me much about LA.”
Arizona was right; she’d barely found her footing in Seattle before being tossed in the deep end with Dr. Herman’s case. Their rekindled friendship had been formed on that, and neither of them had much time to think about the past. Of course Amelia knew about the plane crash and the losses Arizona had faced. She just didn’t know the full story, and she suspected it was the same regarding her time in LA. At the very least, Arizona probably knew she relapsed.
Amelia shrugged and looked down at the comforter, not wanting to look into Arizona’s eyes. “It’s not… it was bad, okay? And you would’ve been so angry and disappointed in me.”
“Amelia,” Arizona said gently. “It was years ago. You know how much stuff I regret from the last few years?”
“Okay.” She inhaled a breath. “I had a baby in LA, right around the time of the plane crash, actually. His name was Christopher.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.” Her eyes filled with tears. “He was anencephalic. Addison found it on the ultrasound, and I think… to this day I think it was my fault. I was in the middle of a relapse when I got pregnant, and I was going through withdrawals before I found out.”
“I don’t think it was your fault,” Arizona said, reaching over and taking her hand. “I think it was something awful that shouldn’t have happened, but it’s not your fault.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever believe that,” Amelia admitted. “But thank you. And sorry today has been so… messy.”
“It hasn’t been,” Arizona reassured her. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
They talked for what felt like hours–but was realistically only an hour at most–catching up on all of the drama at Grey-Sloan. Arizona admitted it was hard for her to keep in touch with anyone there, especially after Alex disappeared, but she was thrilled to hear about how everyone was doing.
At some point, both of them started yawning a little bit too much, and Amelia cautiously took Scout from Arizona’s arms and put him back in the pack and play while Arizona slipped out of bed.
Amelia drifted into sleep shortly after that, the warmth from Arizona’s side of the bed and the scent of her shampoo left behind on the pillow was the first thing to truly comfort her all day. She felt safer in Arizona’s house than she had at her mom’s. She was genuinely glad she was here.
They woke up to about 10 inches of snow on the ground. Certainly not enough to warrant the full-blown panic the city had gone into, but enough to cancel every flight that day. Amelia wouldn’t have wanted to fly out on New Year’s Eve anyway, so maybe it was a good thing that she and Scout were snowed in with Arizona.
They had the laziest day they possibly could’ve. Amelia made breakfast while Arizona and Scout slept in, and then they spent all day in the living room watching TV and playing with the various toys she had brought along for Scout. At some point in the afternoon, Amelia went outside to shovel the front stoop and the sidewalk in front of Arizona’s house–her only real way of saying thank you to Arizona for letting them stay.
Once the stoop and the sidewalk were clear, she made the journey a few blocks over to the grocery store to get some things for dinner. She remembered one New Year’s in Baltimore, they stayed in and Arizona cooked for her. She remembered how grateful she felt that Arizona wanted to stay in with her instead of going out with the rest of their friends, and that feeling was only amplified by Arizona deciding to cook some elaborate meal in her tiny apartment in Baltimore.
She couldn’t remember exactly what it was. Some sort of pasta dish, maybe it had steak in it? She couldn’t figure it out, but she decided anything fancier than spaghetti and meat sauce would be far too complicated, especially in a kitchen that wasn’t hers. Arizona had always been the better cook, anyway.
She grabbed the spaghetti ingredients, a few different desserts from the bakery section, and a bottle of sparkling apple cider for them to share. She tried not to think about whether or not Arizona would find it corny. She wouldn’t have years ago, and the versions of themselves from 15 years ago were still somewhere in there, right?
Amelia returned home a little while later to both Arizona and Scout napping on the couch. She was laying on one of the throw pillows, legs outstretched in front of her, and Scout was asleep on her chest, tiny hands clung to her sweater as they both slept. Arizona hadn’t even known him for a day, and she already figured out exactly how he liked to be held–the position that would always get him to settle down for his afternoon naps.
Amelia set the groceries down as quietly as possible to not disturb them and pulled her phone out of her pocket to sneak a picture of them. She zoned out looking at it for a few moments as she thought about how that was definitely one Arizona would want to get printed. It wasn’t until she picked up the groceries again that Arizona stirred, bringing one hand up to rub her eyes while the other held tightly onto Scout. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“Don’t be,” Amelia reassured her. “You’re both so cute.” A blush rose to Arizona’s cheeks, not anything super noticeable, but enough to make Amelia smile. “Just stay there. I don’t have that much to put away.”
She returned to the living room after putting the groceries away and slipping the bottle of cider into the fridge, and she sat down on the opposite end of the couch.
They’d been teetering on the edge of physical contact last night; nothing like the way they used to, but they were still comfortable in close proximity to each other. It was natural when they were taking care of Scout together; Amelia could’ve slept in that bed all night long with Arizona next to her. Which was why when her first instinct was to rest her hand on Arizona’s leg, gently rubbing her soft skin as she drifted in and out of sleep, she did it.
Once Scout got restless and wanted to crawl around. Arizona sat up and shifted to Amelia’s end of the couch, sleepily leaning into her as they watched him. “Did you buy a flight for tomorrow yet?”
“Trying to get rid of us?” Amelia teased, grinning when she felt Arizona giggle against her.
“No,” Arizona reassured her. “I just… need to start thinking about saying goodbye to you. And I don’t want to yet.”
“Stop,” Amelia said, swallowing the lump in the back of her throat. “We can think about that tomorrow. Our flight isn’t until 2.”
“Okay.” Arizona exhaled a deep breath. “What’d you get for dinner?”
Amelia ended up cooking for them around 7 while Arizona put Scout to sleep upstairs. They ate at the kitchen island on barstools, cheers-ing with the sparkling cider Amelia bought. Amelia was right: Arizona didn’t find it corny at all. She was the one to dig some champagne glasses out of the back of the cabinet and wash the dust off of them. They sat at the island, refilling each other’s glasses before Arizona’s foot rubbed against her ankle one too many times to be a coincidence. Eventually, they moved back to the couch to watch tv, sitting too close while they waited for midnight.
They didn’t mean to actually start kissing when the ball dropped. It was a joke, really. Amelia leaned over, intending it to just be a peck on Arizona’s cheek, but instead she turned to face Amelia at the exact same second and their lips connected. Arizona wouldn’t let her pull away and grabbed her shirt to keep her close.
The kiss deepened for a few minutes, falling back into an old rhythm of messy tongues and soft bites that had gotten them through residency all those years ago. There was always something safe and comfortable about Arizona once she landed in Seattle - someone who had known her before all the really bad things and still loved her despite it all.
That feeling overwhelmed Amelia; the need to be closer to Arizona overtook everything else. Amelia pushed her backward against the armchair of the couch. Arizona thankfully got the hint and adjusted so Amelia could slide onto her lap, knees bracketing her hips.
Her center pressed against Arizona’s own; a moan slipped out and Amelia couldn’t tell who it came from. Arizona’s nails scraped against her lower back underneath her t-shirt while Amelia’s tangled in her long blonde hair.
Arizona’s hands wandered further up Amelia’s shirt, and Amelia pulled back just slightly to help her take it off. She tossed it down on the couch next to them and Arizona’s hands explored the smooth skin on her stomach as they continued kissing. She finally squeezed Amelia’s breast through her bra and Amelia moaned softly into her mouth, grinding down on her lap as she kissed Arizona harder.
Amelia felt her own hands wander towards Arizona’s breasts over her tank top, and it wasn’t until then that Arizona pushed her back, just a little. She rested her forehead against Amelia’s as they both struggled to catch their breaths.
“We should stop,” Arizona panted, her hand coming up to brush a strand of hair out of Amelia’s eyes.
Amelia looked between her lips and eyes for a long moment, debating whether to try to continue kissing her. The genuine hesitance in Arizona’s eyes was the only thing that stopped her. She knew Arizona was right–her son was upstairs sleeping and they were leaving tomorrow. They shouldn’t make this messy.
“Yeah…” Amelia resigned. She placed one more soft kiss at the side of Arizona’s lips and slid off of her lap, back onto her side of the couch.
It was quiet between them for a bit, while Arizona fixed her clothes and hair while Amelia took a long sip of water after she put her shirt back on.
“I forgot how much I liked kissing you,” Arizona said softly, finally breaking the silence.
Amelia couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on her face. “I missed it, too.”
Silence fell over them for another few moments; it wasn’t awkward at all, just a little bit somber as they both realized that this wouldn’t be happening again.
“I should get to bed,” Amelia finally said. “I know he’ll probably wake up in a few hours anyway, and then we should try to get to the airport a little early.”
Arizona nodded, collecting their plates and drinking glasses after turning off the TV. “I really liked having the both of you here. Scout’s so cute.”
“Yeah,” Amelia nodded. “I’m glad we stayed. Maybe next time he can see more of the city.”
“You’re always welcome to stay with me when you do.”
Amelia followed her upstairs and lingered near the doorway as she watched Arizona walk a few steps further to her bedroom. “I don’t know if this is like… too much or whatever, but…” she paused, waiting for Arizona to turn around. “I really want you to sleep in here with me. If you want.”
“Yeah,” Arizona agreed. “I’d like that, if that’s okay.”
They hadn’t shared a bed in years–not since residency when they were actually together and everything made sense with them. It still felt like muscle memory: Amelia’s arms wrapping tightly around her waist, Arizona pressing their bodies together until they fit perfectly, and the way their heart rates would slow at the same time, both of them relaxing in each other’s comfort.
Amelia thought sometimes about how both of them had gone through enough change to put them back into the same city as each other and across the country again in just a few short years. It was almost like the opposite of fate; whatever force that was supposed to put them back together was pulling them apart instead. If she was naive, she’d ignore it. Her heart wanted Arizona; she felt safer with Arizona than she did with anyone else in her life. But she knew better now, especially after the way the last few days had gone.
No matter how much her body–her mind–craved Arizona, they would never have each other in the way they both wanted. But maybe that was okay. Maybe they were just supposed to be each other’s safety nets. Arizona could be her home in New York, and she could be Arizona’s home in Seattle. All she knew was that she needed a home in New York; she loved this city too much to keep Scout away from it, and she felt so lucky to have Arizona here. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, maybe they’d always want each other in a way that they couldn’t have, but it was good enough.