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It was Clay's day for Tyler after.. after the incident at the spring fling.
He had driven him home in what seemed to be just.. silence.
The ongoing case about Bryce's murder was on everybody's mind, so Clay assumed that's why Tyler was so quiet. Maybe pondering on it.
Though Clay had his suspicions.
Him and Tony had gotten rid of the guns, but he still didn't fully trust Tyler, and he felt bad about it...
Once they got to the house, they were greeted by Tyler's mom.
Such a sweet lady she was.
Really how did they raise such a monster.
...
Tyler wasn't a monster, right..?
Tyler's mom hugged him and welcomed Clay inside.
"Thank you so much for looking after Tyler... really it means so much to him and us," Referring to Tyler's father when she said 'us'.
Clay gave an awkward smile with a nod escorting Tyler to his room, not before Tyler's mother pulled him aside.
"If you want, dear, you can stay the night... Tyler's been having a rough week," her smile was weary, the had good intention behind it... she just wanted the best for her boy...
Clay nodded... it was Friday after all, so he wouldn't need to get up early for school, so he could relax...
He thought about it momentarily.
Clay did want to show Tyler he cared about him... But Tyler assumed they were all doing this because they were scared of him.. and what he might do if he's not supervised 24/7.
Clay gave a subtle nod to Mrs. Down and headed to Tyler's room with his school bag.
The room was small, and not a cozy small, sort of.. claustrophobic... Clay shivered as he placed his bag down in the corner.
Tyler sat on his bed, his arms crossed in an uncomfortable way, almost as if was trying to hold himself- to comfort himself.
"Looks like I'm staying the night," Clay mentioned with a small, awkward laugh.
Tyler averted his gaze, nodding in response.
"Yeah.. that's fine." Tyler didn't seem all that enthusiastic.
He probably thought Clay didn't trust him.
Clay stood in front of the door frame with his hands in the pockets of his worn out hoodie.
"Uh- I uhm.. need some clothes to borrow, if that's alright with you, Tyler." Clay said, his tone soft and almost ashamed of this favor he had to ask.
Tyler stood almost instantly, still with his arms crossed against his lengthy body as he went to his dresser, grabbing some joggers and a white T-shirt with questionable stains.
(Nothing dirty you freaks)
Clay gave a small smile, as if to thank him, and left to the bathroom.
Clay had been to Tyler's house so much, he practically knew the lay out like the back of his hand.
He took off his school clothes and changed into the ones Tyler had lended him. They smelt of faint conditioner and floral laundry detergent.
Clay inhaled deeply, the aroma almost calming to him, grounding him to the tile floor of the bathroom.
He folded his dirty clothes and headed to Tyler's room where he was already changed. Clay placed his clothes down next to his bag.
"Do you.. want to talk, or play a game..?" Clay questioned, approaching Tyler.
Tyler looked up at him, his eyes wide and fearful as they had been... like he was scared of something- or somebody.
His leg tapped nervously against the floorboards.
"You don't have to pretend you want to be here. You can just ignore me." Tyler mumbled, looking down at the floor beneath him.
Clay pursed his lips, almost guilty, and sat down next to Tyler.
Tyler instinctively scooted away, wanting his own space..
Clay took that hint.
"Sorry- I.. no- Tyler I do want to be here, I just.. you know how it is," he wanted to reach out to comfort him, but would that be overstepping a boundary..?
Seems Tyler has had a lot of problems he didn't before more recently.
"Y'know.. I- I've noticed some things, Tyler.." Clay said, which immediately got Tyler's attention.
"What things- what do you mean," Tyler's voice was almost panicked as he said this.
Clay paused for a moment, his lips parting ever so slightly.
"You don't like to use the school bathrooms.. you don't like people touching you- you're just.. very avoidant."
A beat.
"Did something happen..?"
Tyler looked at Clay as if he had just read him like a book. The guilty expression on Tyler's face said it all.
"What..? What are you talking about..." he said, his throat running dry.
"I don't mean to attack you- I- sorry.. I'm just, worried... does it have something to do with.. uhm- the spring fling.?" He whispered the last bit as if it was a terrible secret...
Oh, well it was, wasn't it..?
Tyler stiffened snd his expression darkened.
He didn't want to talk about this.
"Who.?" Clay persisted.
That's the thing about Clay, so persistent he is, set on knowing what's wrong with everybody and helping any one he can but himself.
Tyler felt his chest tighten. His eyes felt hot, as if the tears were trying to force their way out in a hot spewing mess.
Tyler shook his head.
"I can't-" his words caught in his throat.
"It's messed up- it's sick... I'm sick." Tyler declared, shaking his head, his fingers digging into the side of his own arm nervously.
"You don't have to say it— but... you can tell me if you're ready, Tyler." Clay pursed his lips, his eyebrows knitting in confusion and sadness for his friend.
Somebody so hurt inside and out.
Violated. Messed up. Broken in a million different pieces.
"You're not messed up Tyler... no," Clay responded, his voice gentle, affirming Tyler.
Tyler wiped the tears forming in the corner of his eyes with the side of his sleeve.
"I.. I want to, I just-" Tyler cut himself off, taking a deep breath and staring at the floor
"I was in the bathroom... after my program, and Month came in, and- he was pissed about the field and stuff... and he slammed my head into the mirror and the sink.." even just remembering the pain of the situation made Tyler's heart sink as if he was reliving the moment over and over.
"Then- he.." His voice cracked and he could barely get the word out.
"They held me down and shoved my head into the toilet.. and Monty he got a mop and- he pulled..."
Tyler held himself.
"- he pulled my pants.. down... and he put the mop.." Tyler was gasping for air as if he was dying.. as if he was back in that stall crying for help but nobody could hear... he felt that tearing feeling again, as if a scissor was shoved inside of him.
"He put it inside me- in and out until it— my hole was bleeding... and then they left me there.." Tyler felt himself convulse a bit, his trembling fingers wrapping around the edges of his body.
"It was so degrading.. Clay." Tears now streamed like hot lava down his cheeks in an ugly cry. He leaned over onto himself, holding tightly to what he could grasp of his dignity.
Clay didn't know what to say. His mouth stood agape as he stared at Tyler. His eyes wide as he imagined the terrible deed that was done. His breath was shaky.
"I.. want to hug you.. can I hug you.?" Clay asked, in a tone that wasn't above a whisper.. as if anything louder would break Tyler.
Tyler leaned into Clay, to which Clay wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him... trying to reassure Tyler it would all be okay.
He ran his fingers through the short hair on Tyler's head, trying to help Tyler calm down.
Tyler was desperate for somebody who understood. He wanted that comfort... and to be protected.
He cried into Clay's shoulder, his loud wails expression the emotions his words couldn't... such gut wrenching feelings.
Eventually, the need wore and those loud sobs became small whimpers of sadness.
With a shaky breath he held onto Clay, avoiding eye contact from the mere shame of the situation.
"Please.. just hold me." Tyler practically pleaded with Clay.
"Of course... yeah, of course I will, Ty."
Tyler let out a shuddered breath, feeling the soft sensation of Clay's fingers through his hair. So grounding... gentle... something Tyler didn't know he needed until this moment.
"Clay, I don't want to be broken... but I feel like- there's nothing I can do about it..." Tyler sobbed, his voice cracking in a hurt way.
Tyler held onto Clay's shirt, afraid if he let go, he could be alone again...
"You aren't permanently broken... you just need time to heal,"
...
"And I know it's hard... just- I don't know.. but I'm here now... I'm here for you- I care about you, Tyler," Clay said, firm, but caring.
Tyler let the beat of Clay's heart through his chest anchor him back down to earth, a small comfort in the huge wave of emotion he was experiencing.
"I'll stay as long as you need... I can stay in the morning too. As long as you need me too," Clay hoped he wasn't over stepping, holding Tyler like this..
"I'm so sorry," Clay said, guilt riddling his words.
"What could you be sorry for..?"
"Just.. what you had to go through... maybe if I was there to help-"
"Clay," Tyler finally made eye contact with him.
His voice was hoarse but tender.
"You're here now. Just staying will help me now.. you couldn't have known."
Clay pursed his lips in a small smile, glancing down at Tyler's.
His eyes darted back up to Tyler's soft blue eyes, which stared with such intent, such melancholic expression.
Tyler held Clay's gaze, the lifeline at that moment that made him want to stay on the earth another day... he swallows thickly, nervousness taking over his body.
The moment felt so intimate.
Both of them felt that awkward tension.
Clay didn't want to freak Tyler out.. he didn't know what to do.
After everything Tyler had been through, now probably wasn't the time to do something like kiss him.
He didn't want to traumatize Tyler all over again,
Tyler's breath hitched, Clays tender touch almost too sweet for him.
He felt conflicted with himself.
That desire to feel wanted and loved, Clay's comforting presence.. and the fear of being this close to another human being.
The voice in his head telling him to pull away.
He leaned in to drink the affection he was given like a man dying of thirst.
"Clay,"
"Tyler."
Tyler leaned in slightly.
His eyes flicked to Clay's lips, which quivered nervously in the moment.
"Tyler... if you want me to stop- I can totally stop.. if I'm too close if.. if this is okay..."
"No," his voice interrupted
"Don't stop. Please just... go slow."
He shut his eyes, as he felt safe with Clay...
Clay let out a shaky breath, leaning in and planting a soft, tender kiss on Tyler's lips.
Truly an awkward moment, but felt so.. so loving.
Clay placed his hands on Tyler's cheeks, the burning sensation on Tyler's face contrasting with the cold touch of Clays sweaty hands.
Tyler leaned into the kiss, feeling Clay's hand dip down to his waist for a better grounding for himself.
Tyler flinched.. then reminding himself that Clay was safe.. that he wasn't Monty and wouldn't do something.. like that.
Clay noticed this and immediately stopped, taking his hands off of Tyler.
"Are- are you okay..?" Clay said, his voice almost panicked.
"It's.. I'm okay Clay. Just keep kissing me."
Tyler gave a small smile, planting a kiss on Clays cheek to reciprocate the affection.
"Okay- but.. you tell me if anything is wrong... please," Clay pleaded, holding Tyler's shoulders instead.
Tyler planted a soft kiss on Clays jaw, leaning his head over Clay's shoulder.
"And uhm.. we- we don't have to.. like, have sex or anything." Clay suggested, holding Tyler in a hug as he whispered in his ear.
Tyler felt safe in the moment.
"I- I don't think I'm ready for that. But.. Being here- like this makes me feel... less broken.." Tyler says in response, closing his eyes.
Clay was glad to be there for Tyler.
Glad to be that lifeline.
And for the rest of that night, they held each other in the serenity of the night.
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