Chapter Text
—Freshman Year, Spring Semester—
“Welcome! Are you new here?”
It took Minghao a good four seconds to register that the high-pitched voice that spoke amongst the chatter was in fact directed at him. He looked up from his phone, and there he was. Just barely touching six feet, with mousy brown hair and a tee shirt with the school logo displayed across the chest. Right above the U in University was a ‘HELLO! My name is” sticker every other student in the communal hall must have been wearing. Minghao dipped down to read his.
Seokmin Lee.
“What?” Minghao asked.
Seokmin shifted, his smile remaining plastered on his face. “Are you new here…?” his eyes now dipped forward, head tilted curiously to one side like a puppy exploring a stranger.
“Oh, uh. Yeah…” He looked around, just before a sticker and a collection of colorful markers were pushed in his direction. Minghao arched an eyebrow, glancing back at Seokmin, who only offered them again.
“Write your name.” He pointed to his own for an example. Despite his confusion, Minghao didn’t protest. He simply scribbled his name in black marker and pressed the sticker onto his shirt. Seokmin scanned it, grinning. “Xu Minghao. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you…” He nodded. He did another look around, seeing that Seokmin’s table wasn’t the only one around. In fact, lots of tables were set up with people in NYU tee shirts and name stickers passing out flyers and chatting to what could only be deduced as other freshmen. When he turned back to Seokmin, he was getting another gift; a violet and white drawstring with the school logo on it. It was heavy, most likely filled with different merch that all had a similar design to the bag. “Are you planning to stay around for a bit? The Welcoming Committee set up tons of fun things.” He motioned to different spots in the common area; a photo station with university based props and a generic college backdrop, a club holding a fundraising bake sale, and tons of different stations for information collection. “And there’s a tour if you need, I think in…. Ten minutes?”
“Oh, I’m good.” Minghao waved him off. He looked around. “Thank you…I just, uhm… I was told that my student advisor would be here?”
“Oh! Right over there!” He motioned a few tables down, where tons of older students were sitting around chatting with students. “I think you just give them your name and they’ll introduce you.”
Minghao nodded. “Thank you.” he said. Silence fell over them for a second, before Seokmin was pulled away to give more drawstring bags out to passing students. He turned back to the advisor table and, with a deep breath, headed over.
Minghao didn’t have an advisor at his previous school. He didn’t think it was necessary. But when he spoke with his friend Junhui back home in China, he was adamant that it was a good idea this time around, since he was much newer than other freshmen. He shouldn’t start at a disadvantage, those were his words. And Junhui was wise, even if other people back home thought otherwise. So, Minghao approached the table, and was greeted by a cheery girl with the name ‘Krystal’ on her shirt.
“Hi! Name?”
She was forward, but Minghao recovered and gave his name. He watched as Krystal skimmed her clipboard, before turning her head. She called over to a group of boys sitting in the back of the table. “Stop lounging around! What kind of role models are you? Cheol, c’mon. You’re up!”
Minghao watched as a man with slightly messy black hair and a strong build approached the table. He looked like he’d be running quarterback for the football team or throwing people on a wrestling mat, not wearing a bright violet shirt that barely fit him and advising freshmen. But nonetheless, he approached with a smile. “Hey, man. Minghao?”
“That’s me.” Seungcheol stepped forward, and the duo shared a handshake. “I’m not really sure what having an advisor entails. Are you like.. My tutor?”
“I dunno if my grades are that good,” He joked. “But, I’ve been at NYU since I was a freshman.” Seungcheol said. “So I’m just kinda the designated person you can reach out to if you ever need anything,” He said. “Classes, events, dorm questions, venting. I only started taking freshmen last year but I already have you and two others. One of them doesn’t message me at all, another messages me almost every day.” Seungcheol shrugged. “We just want to make sure all the freshmen have someone who can help them if they need. Nothing crazy.”
“I see.” That was… reassuring. Seungcheol seemed reassuring. Junhui was right, it seemed. He needed to text him a thank you later. “Thanks.”
“We were freshmen too, we get how crazy it is. Especially if you’re not from New York or don’t have any connections.”
“Like me?”
Seungcheol’s grin widened. “Yeah if the shoes fits. Where are you from?”
“China. And London for six months but I don’t have an accent so I don’t count it.”
Seungcheol’s eyes widened. “So you’re worldly.” He grinned. “Cool.” He immediately turned his head. “Well. If you don’t have any questions for me right now….” He hummed, scribbling something on a sticky note. “Here’s my number. Call me if you need anything this semester.”
Minghao looked down at the picture, nodding his head. “Okay, I will. Thanks…” He nodded his head, and Seungcheol’s smile softened just a bit. The duo waved goodbye for now, Minghao not wanting to linger too long as the space got more and more cramped. He shuffled through a few other clumps of students, all of whom were socializing with one another, and sat down at a table nearby. He’d met his advisor and gotten some free stuff, so really he did what he had to here, right?
But he felt weird just leaving, when it seemed this mixer was intended for people like him specifically, but he also wasn’t much of a…. What was the word?
Socializer?
Oh well, at the very least it would kill some time before his next class.
While the area moved around him, Minghao shuffled curiously through his new collection of memorabilia he would most likely never use: a hair clip, a stress ball of the university Bobcat wearing an NYU shirt, a mini school calendar, a notebook with NYU written on the front, a bag of chips that he immediately opened, a generic welcome postcard with a picture of the university and a printed on message from the committee, and a reusable plastic water bottle with - again - the school logo on it. Minghao ate one of the chips in the bag and told himself at the very least he didn’t have to actually tell people where he went to school anymore.
“The reusable water bottle was my idea.” A familiar voice hummed, and Minghao looked up to see Seokmin at the table. The table he was just at was now unattended, the boxes of drawstring bags now abandoned. Seokmin put his own water bottle on the table, and Minghao saw it littered with stickers. School logos, Broadway musicals, and a ton of daffodils. Those overtook most of the bottle, almost completely obscuring the logo.
“Was it?” Minghao asked, meeting Seokmin’s gaze again.
“Gotta save the dolphins somehow.” He laughed, and Minghao felt the corner of his lip twitching in a smile. Seokmin hummed. “Did you meet your advisor?”
“Oh yeah. Seungcheol?” Seokmin was already sitting down across from Minghao.
“Oh, yeah? He’s nice. My advisor is graduating this semester.” He chuckled. “He’s really nice, too. His name is Jeonghan.”
“Do you talk to him often?” Seokmin nodded.
“At first it was awkward, because he’s a senior and I didn’t want to be that annoying freshman, you know?” Minghao nodded. “But he’s really nice. He’s helped me with a lot of stuff with classes and he’s given me the scoop on all the good professors. He even buys me lunch from time to time.”
“Sounds nice.”
“Yeah. I think it counts as Community Service hours too.” He leaned back in his seat, running a hand through his hair. “I want to do it when I’m a senior, I think.” Minghao nodded, already picturing senior Seokmin aiding a future terrified freshman. He could already tell that kid was lucky, and they didn’t even know it yet. “What’s your major?”
The question shift startled him, but replied with a simple: “Arts.”
Seokmin’s eyes widened. “Really? Small world. What subsection?”
“Painting.”
“Ah, I’m theatre!” he smiled. “That’s so cool!” He clapped his hands together, resting his chin on them as they intertwined.
Minghao blinked as silence fell over them again. Was… was it his turn to ask a question? Okay… “Are you… a junior or something?”
“No.” Seokmin giggled, and Minghao noticed the way his eyes folded up as he smiled. “I’m a freshman.”
Minghao’s brows furrowed together. “And you’re already on the Welcoming Committee for a freshman mixer?”
“Ah, well no. Not exactly.” He admitted sheepishly. “I attended this in the fall with some friends. When I heard they were doing one for the spring, I asked if they needed extra hands this time.”
“You’re very charitable.” Minghao pointed out, eyes dipping to the water bottle rolling a bit on the table. “The dolphins are lucky someone like you is supporting them.”
Seokmin blinked, his head tilting slightly. But only for a moment, because when the light bulb went off on his head, he broke out into a joyous laugh, his hands coming undone to clap. Minghao saw a few people nearby looking, and the back of his neck felt hot.
“You’re funny.” Seokmin said, resting his chin in his hand as he looked across at Minghao. Minghao smiled softly, watching as Seokmin leaned forward again. “So, what classes do you have this semester?”
“Uhm, well in a few minutes I need to head to my General Portfolio class with…” he blinked, trying to remember the name without pulling out his schedule.
“General Portfolio? With Professor Crane?” Minghao nodded, the name sounding familiar. “You’re kidding! I’m in that class!” He grinned. “It really is a small world.”
Minghao ate the last chip in the bag. “Guess so.”
“I can show you where it is, if you want. We can walk together.”
For only a second Minghao wanted to say no, but the way Seokmin smiled at him, he felt it not only rude, but borderline impossible. Besides, he had no idea where he was going. “...S-sure.” he said. “That’s uh… thanks.” And Seokmin only responded with a wider smile.
Seokmin finished up his volunteering at the table a few minutes later, waving goodbye to the grateful seniors who took his place as he and Minghao headed out. At first the walk across campus was quiet, Minghao taking in the scenery he’d yet to explore on campus. He’d only gone to one class earlier in the day, so there was so much of the university he’d yet to see.
When the duo reached the classroom, Minghao watched Seokmin get greeted by a collection of students in the back left corner of the room, his seemingly cheery demeanor extending past his volunteer shift at the communal hall. Minghao watched him head over, one of the girls already out of her chair to embrace him in a tight hug.
Expecting this to be the end of their interactions, Minghao began scanning for his own seat. There were a few scattered throughout the room, but most of them were in the middle of three seats at a table. He’d prefer not to be packed in like a sardine for the next hour, but if he must-.”
“Oh, Minghao.” Seokmin was waving to him, patting the seat beside him. “Want to sit with us?”
“Oh uh-.” He looked at the crew around Seokmin, who were seemingly curious as to who he’d just welcomed into their circle. “Are you sure? I can-.”
“Course! C’mon.” He motioned even harder, a magnetic pull of his hand that tugged Minghao closer and closer until he finally sank down in the chair beside Seokmin. He watched as he was given basic introductions to the rest of the people surrounding him, and managed a polite hello when it was his turn. “I met him volunteering at the mixer.”
“Course you did.” One girl cooed, tugging her hair back in a ponytail. Seokmin seemed to shove her as she and a few other girls began giggling. Minghao simply turned to the front of the room, already scanning the writing on the front board. The professor’s name, and a note to grab the syllabus of a chair in the front. He got up, walking over and grabbing two of them before returning to his seat. He could see Seokmin wide eyes as he seemed to be debating something with the girl, who refused to lighten up on whatever it was she was teasing him about. It seemed Seokmin found friends easily. He seemed like that type of guy.
“Here…” Minghao said, placing the paper in front of Seokmin. “I got you one.”
Seokmin looked down. “Aw, thank you.” He smiled. His attention turned from his friend, desperately trying to avoid the conversation he was stuck in. “Hey, do you have any other classes today?”
“Oh, no. The rest of my classes are Tuesdays and Thursdays all day.” Seokmin whistled, his eyes wide.
“Well then after, would you like to meet us all for lunch?” he smiled. “The cafeteria has really good food, and my friend Mingyu started working there part-time this semester.”
Minghao blinked. He was already invited to eat lunch with this group of people? He didn’t think he’d speak more than two words to anyone for a while, much less have plans to eat with an entire entourage of people. But still, Seokmin smiled, and Minghao found it hard for him to refuse. “...Yeah, sure.”
“Yay! Okay, give me your phone.” He held his hand out. Minghao cocked an eyebrow. “For my number.” He assured.
“Oop, he’s already giving away his number.” One guy cooed.
“Big shock.” Another girl giggled.
“Ignore them, they’re stupid.” Seokmin said, but Minghao didn’t miss the way his cheeks flushed in embarrassment. Almost like he was telling that to himself rather than Minghao. A few taps, and Seokmin returned the phone. Minghao just barely got to look at the contact before the classroom door closed and the students were silently scrambling into their seats.
Despite not getting a good enough look, he could have sworn it read ‘Your New Bestie’ where the name should be.
─•────☽𖤓☾────•─
Seokmin really was friends with everyone, from fraternities to sports club members to kids in his theatre group, Seokmin was like the sun and the rest of the campus orbited him. Minghao was no different. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he and Seokmin became attached at the hip, but it happened pretty soon after their first meeting. Seokmin met up with Minghao in between classes, made plans for the two of them to study at the library, and even invited him to the end of the semester play his theatre club was putting on. Within only a few days, Seokmin’s contact as ‘Your New Bestie’ was planted firmly on the top of his messages without fail. It was nice, though a bit jarring, to have someone at his side more often than not.
Minghao and Seokmin were walking from their general portfolio class one Monday when Seokmin groaned, pocketing his phone. Minghao looked over, and the unusually frustrated expression on his face was immediately clear.
“Clare and Eli are so cute, did you see the pictures they posted from Disney on Instagram?”
“Oh, uh, yeah…” He said. Seokmin looked down at his phone, his pout only getting deeper, albeit more dramatic. Minghao chuckled.
“I need a boyfriend.” Seokmin huffed.
Minghao blinked, looking on either side of him. When the topic of relationships came up, there were usually more people in their circle to bounce off of. Minghao almost never participated in those conversations, for his own reasons.
But it seemed he didn’t have much of a choice now.
“Why?”
“Because well…” Seokmin huffed. “There’s only so long I can watch all of our friends in happy relationships or going out on dates and getting all dressed up and stuff.” He put his hands on his hips. “Don’t you agree, Hao?”
Minghao was silent, eyes working overtime to avoid Seokmin’s gaze. He fixed the strap of his bag, licking his lips to make the tense: “Not really,” hurt less when it left his lips. It hung between them like a thick fog and Minghao knew it wasn’t the appropriate way to respond to friendly chit chat. Swallowing, he looked to Seokmin and added. “At least, not for me…”
Seokmin’s mouth opened just a little as he sucked in the thick fog of Minghao’s words. “I’m sorry, Hao, I didn’t-.”
“No, I-.” He groaned. “Jesus, sorry.” he waved his hand.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.” he nodded. “I just… I’m not good at love talk, that’s all.” He looked over, blinking a few times before adding. “You’ll get a boyfriend in no time. You’re irresistible.”
Seokmin’s eyes widened, a sheepish grin taking over his face as he nudged Minghao. “Jeez, come on now, Hao. Enough…” And the duo chuckled, the thick cloud of fog was left behind them as they continued walking on.
Seokmin announced to their group of friends that he had a date planned for that weekend, and that thick fog for some reason crept back up on Minghao as he listened.
─•────☽𖤓☾────•─
Dates were frequent with Seokmin, but not frequent enough to break the duo apart. If anything, it’d brought them closer together. Minghao was the person who got the inside scoop of each date - successful or otherwise - before anyone else in Seokmin’s friend group. It would be an honor if it wasn’t so uncomfortable for him to plaster on an awkward smile every single time.
But, it was Seokmin. He had to be a listening ear. Wasn’t that the job of a “New Bestie?”
When Seokmin’s class ended one Friday, Minghao was waiting outside on a bench, reading an article on the differences between Monet and Manet on his phone. It was going to be discussed during his next “Painting People” class and Minghao always liked to do his readings early. While he was fluent in English, sometimes reading took a little longer to absorb, especially if it was academic writing.
Minghao felt a plop beside him and turned to see two wide open, excited eyes. “You waited for me!” Seokmin exclaimed.
“I always walk you halfway home on Fridays.” He responded, an amused look on his face. It never failed to make him feel warm and fuzzy, how Seokmin was grateful and ecstatic for everything Minghao did.
“Yeah,” Seokmin shrugged, “But you were really tired this morning. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you bailed.”
“Without even a text?” Minghao asked in return, eyebrows lifted in disbelief.
Seokmin’s eyes narrowed as he thought, his lips pursing out. “Oh yeah that would be lame. I would be so confused. And worried.”
Minghao giggled, before sliding his phone into his bag. “I would never do that to you, Minnie.”
“You’re the best friend a guy could ask for.” Seokmin sighed before standing up and offering Minghao his hand. Minghao did not need help to stand up but he placed his hand in Seokmin’s anyway and allowed himself to be hoisted to his feet.
The pair made their way off campus, Seokmin humming a song from the musical he was in that semester. It was catchy but almost impossible to sing if you weren’t gifted.
When they reached a red light, Minghao looked over at Seokmin, who was already staring back at him. “Do you have a date tonight?” Minghao asked.
Seokmin scrunched his eyebrows together. “Nope.”
See, this is why he doesn’t ever do love talk. He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Oh, really? I thought… there was a guy…” Minghao replied, fading off when Seokmin’s face continued to scrunch in confusion. “Nevermind.”
“Oh! Oh. Chaz or whatever. The guy I mentioned on Monday. No. I cancelled that.” Seokmin blurted, frowning as he did.
“Why?”
“He sent me a dick pic.” Seokmin said, fake retching.
Minghao laughed once, startled. “Oh, uh, was it, uh, bad?”
Seokmin laughed then, bumping into Minghao as they walked. “Well, I mean, the composition wasn’t great. And no, his dick was just eh.”
“Disappointing.” Minghao said, biting his lips together, trying not to imagine Seokmin analyzing the composition of an unsolicited dick pic.
“What about you?” Seokmin asked.
“Did I get sent a dick pic this week?” Minghao questioned back, letting himself finally give in and laugh out loud.
“Ha-ha. No, any plans tonight?” Seokmin deadpanned.
“Oh, uh, no. Nothing.” Minghao shrugged.
Seokmin slowed down, until he had stopped walking altogether, causing the man behind him to almost bump into him and grumble as he stepped around him. Minghao called out an apology before turning to face Seokmin. “What’s wrong?” Minghao asked.
“Do you wanna have a sleepover?” Seokmin volleyed back. He looked hesitant. Almost shy, which was incredibly uncommon. He wasn’t sure if he could remember a time his best friend had looked so uncertain and closed off.
The request wasn’t uncommon for the pair. In fact, ever since Seokmin had lumbered into Minghao’s apartment late one night after a particularly bad date in search of friendly comfort, they’d basically become a staple in the duo’s friendship. Minghao never expected himself to sit under a pillow fort, in fuzzy socks eating ice cream and watching bad movies. But with Seokmin there, it felt as if it was something that had been missing from his life until then.
But still… What was with the sudden request this time if there was no date to precursor it?
“We… have them.” Minghao stuttered. Unsure of where this was all going.
“Usually, but only when I have a bad date. There’s a reason for those other times. This time… I want to come over just because.” Seokmin breathed, looking down at his hands where they were intertwined in front of him.
“You do?” Minghao asked.
“Of course.” Seokmin nodded.
“Well… come over.” Minghao smiled.
“Yeah?” Seokmin’s smile was bright and his eyes were scrunched with joy. Minghao was sure that it could be seen from space.
“Duh. You’re so silly, Min. You can come over whenever you like.” Minghao sighed, feeling relieved. He had been worried something bad or stressful was going to happen.
“Well then I’ll go home, get my stuff, you can take a quick nap cause you slept so poorly last night and I’ll come over at 7pm with pizza.” Seokmin rambled.
“Your obsession with pizza should be studied.” Minghao muttered, turning around to keep walking again. They had stopped the flow of foot traffic for long enough.
“It’s a normal obsession. Pizza is good, especially in New York! Don’t judge me.” Seokmin whined, grabbing onto Minghao’s arm and pulling him closer as they walked on.
─•────☽𖤓☾────•─
Later that night, Minghao stood in the kitchen surveying his apartment. Only Seokmin could make him turn his place inside out for a simple friendly sleepover. His living room was filled to the ceiling with every pillow, blanket and soft item he had. Two weeks before, Minghao had decided randomly to create a pillow fort and Seokmin had been delighted, smiling all night.
Minghao would do anything to make Seokmin smile.
He lined up the wine glasses and checked to make sure all the sundae toppings were out in bowls on the counter. Just as he was adding more maraschino cherries to the lineup, he heard a knock at his door.
“Come in!” Minghao called out, swiftly hearing the door open then close and lock from behind him.
“You are playing with fire, leaving your door unlocked in this city.” Minghao turned to see Seokmin pouting, two pizza boxes held out in front of him. He grabbed the boxes and placed them on the counter, opening one and grabbing what he knew was for him, vegetarian pizza with extra peppers.
“I’m home. Why would I lock the door?” Minghao asked, taking a bite and leaning back against the counter.
“Murderers don't care if you’re home. They’d actually prefer it!” His friend shrieked.
Minghao sighed, he knew he’d never win this argument. Seokmin just cared about him after all. “You’re right, I’m sorry Min.”
Seokmin’s eyebrows remained furrowed a second later before he gave in and reached for his pepperoni pizza. “I’ll forgive you because this pillow fort… wow, you’ve outdone yourself Hao. You moved your fairy lights from your balcony?”
“Gotta keep stepping my game up.” Minghao replied around a mouthful of pizza. He was trying to hide the smile and blush that was threatening to take over his face. There was something about the bright man in front of him that could make him feel weak. It was embarrassing. But that was how he knew Seokmin was his best friend.
“I’d sit in a garbage dump with you.” Seokmin cooed, reaching out to pinch Minghao’s cheeks.
“Get your greasy pepperoni hands away from me.” Minghao frowned, dipping under his friend’s outstretched arm and walking into the living room. He plopped down on the mound of pillows lining the floor, before turning to look at his friend still standing in the kitchen. He immediately spread his legs out in front of him, motioning to the open space that Seokmin so often liked to claim as his spot during movies.
Seokmin slinked over, plopping right between Minghao’s legs. Minghao looked at him, chuckling as his best friend almost dramatically squirmed to get comfortable. “So, what will it be? Reruns of Friends or Confessions of a Shopholic?”
Seokmin exhaled, turning his head back to face Minghao with an amused glint in his eye. “God, you’re perfect.”
─•────☽𖤓☾────•─
Minghao stood in the kitchen, filling up a water glass while Seokmin was in the bathroom. He was humming the Friends theme song, apparently stuck in head after 12 straight episodes.
The TV had been turned off and Minghao waited until Seokmin was back in the fort, in a pair of shorts and a soft sleep shirt, before he turned off the kitchen light and brought their water glasses to bed.
The apartment was dark besides the twinkling fairy lights strung throughout the fort. It felt warm and the air was soft against their skin. Minghao got under the covers beside Seokmin and took a deep breath, closing his eyes and letting it out slowly. It was quiet and Minghao could feel himself starting to drift off before…
Seokmin rolled on his side, and it was clear Seokmin was staring at him. Minghao smiled but kept his eyes closed, face up towards the ceiling. “What is it, Min?” Minghao slurred.
“Sorry,” Seokmin whispered, “Were you falling asleep?”
“Am.” Minghao breathed.
“Mm, yeah, okay.” Seokmin muttered.
“You have something on your mind.” Minghao stated.
It was quiet for a few moments and Minghao focused in on his own breathing, the feeling as it filled up his lungs and left his nostrils in a steady stream moments later.
“Have you dated anyone since coming to New York?” Seokmin asked.
Minghao furrowed his brow and finally turned his head to look at his guest. Seokmin had his two hands pillowed under his cheek, his eyes were wide and curious.
“No. I would have told you.” Minghao replied.
“Mm, right.” Seokmin agreed. Minghao could tell he had something else he wanted to ask though. Seokmin’s eyes spoke as much as he did.
“What else do you want to know?” Minghao questioned.
“Nothing…” Seokmin started, eyes getting wider.
“Seokie.” Minghao scolded. “I can tell when you have something you want to say.”
Seokmin bit his lip before nodding slightly. His cheeks bunched up against his hands as he did. “Have you ever dated anyone?”
Minghao’s mind went blank. For some reason, that hadn’t been the question he had been expecting. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep anything from Seokmin, but he had purposely not mentioned his ex since moving to New York. Not even to Seungcheol. Seokmin cleared his throat, eyebrows scrunched up and expression concerned. “It’s none of my business, Hao. I’m sorry.” He rushed to say.
“No, it’s, no I’m not…” Minghao stuttered before taking another deep breath and looking back up at the blankets and twinkling lights above him. “I have. Lyle. Such a British name,” Minghao scoffed, “He was sort of the reason I moved here.”
“You don’t have to say anymore.” Seokmin said quietly. And Minghao knew he meant it.
“I don’t mind. He was my first real boyfriend. Before that, in China, I had only kissed a couple boys. I was too focused on my goal of leaving to go abroad and study art to care about relationships.”
“You’re a determined person. It’s incredible.” Seokmin commented.
Minghao smiled again. “Thanks, Min. When I got to London I thought I would remain determined. Focused. But over the course of that summer, I met Lyle. He was really cute and flirted with me right away. He made me feel special and I fell for him really fast. Before I even had time to consider if I should be dating someone while at a new school in a new city…”
Suddenly Minghao felt transported back to London. On the patio of a local pub, twinkle lights, like the one in his apartment, above him and the small collection of friends he’d made. It was August, and he’d already been abroad several months, getting established before his first college term. That was the night Lyle first kissed him. He had felt dizzy after, but that might have been the multiple beers.
Minghao shook his head momentarily before frowning. “It was right when classes started, barely two months into our relationship, when the first red flags started to appear. I was so in love though, so I made a lot of excuses for him.”
Seokmin scooted closer and grabbed Minghao’s hand where it lay on his chest and intertwined their fingers together. “What red flags?” He asked.
“Showing up at my apartment when I said I was going out with friends to get mad I hadn’t texted him back fast enough. Getting upset with my male friends, thinking they were all secretly trying to steal me from him. Yelling at me for having an art book with nude sculptures in it.” Minghao sighed, feeling the residual frustration simmer within him.
“You’re an art major though.” Seokmin scoffed.
“Yeah, so was he. He just wasn’t in sculpting classes yet. It was all stupid and it built slowly. And whenever we’d fight or he’d get mad at me… he’d explain it was just because he loved me. I made him feel crazy.”
“That wasn’t your fault…” Seokmin said, squeezing Minghao’s hand softly.
Minghao nodded. “I know. I know now. It was confusing and painful. We broke up twice near the end and he’d always show up at my place saying we were meant to be but if I didn’t act how he wanted, he’d flirt with men or women in front of me.”
“Asshole.” Seokmin growled.
Minghao giggled, looking Seokmin in the eyes. “Absolutely.”
“So you decided to just leave?” Seokmin asked.
“Yeah. I had been considering New York as well as London and my aunt lives out in New Jersey, so I thought it would be a good fresh start for me. I was tired of getting anxious about seeing Lyle around campus. I didn’t want to be with him anymore but also… I couldn’t imagine dating anyone else.”
“First relationships can be intense like that.” Seokmin said.
“Very. Anyway, I’m here and actually enjoying my art classes and making best friends,” Mingaho said, punctuating the last word with the squeeze of Seokmin’s hand, “I’m happy.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re happy now. You deserve happiness, Hao.” Seokmin smiled, his eyes scrunching up in joy.
“I think so, too.” Minghao sighed.
“Have you fallen in love or felt that way about anyone since?” Seokmin asked, voice just above a whisper.
Minghao didn’t pause. “No.”
It was quiet for another moment, the sounds of the city muffled by Minghao’s brick walled apartment. “Do you think…” Seokmin started before turning on his back, also looking up at the lights. Their hands still intertwined between them.
“Do I think… what?” Minghao prompted.
“That you’ll ever… you know, fall in love again?” Seokmin asked.
Minghao pursed his lips. He knew the answer to this, but people didn’t usually get it. “No, I don’t.”
“Really?” Seokmin asked, sounding breathless.
“Yeah. I… well, platonic love. I love you, Min.” Minghao laughed.
“But not romantic?” Seokmin continued.
Minghao turned to look at Seokmin. His best friend was staring up, mouth in a thin line and jaw set. “No. I don’t trust myself. Lyle was perfect when I met him. I felt so deeply. Things happened so fast. It’s… I don’t like the way love makes you lose your ability to think critically. Every decision was made with my heart and it hurt.”
Seokmin nodded before biting his bottom lip.
“I’m okay, though. I promise, Min. I love my friends. I feel happy. I don’t want to be with someone like that. I don’t need it.” Minghao reassured his friend.
Seokmin turned to face Minghao then, a cautious, fragile looking smile on his face. “As long as you feel happy, that’s all that matters to me. And platonic love is good. I love you, too.”
“Good.” Minghao breathed.
“Platonically.” Seokmin stressed, lips curling into a smile when Minghao laughed. Seokmin let out a sigh before scooting over and flinging a leg over Minghao’s thighs and wrapping an arm around Minghao’s torso. Seokmin’s face tucked into his collarbone and Minghao could feel the vibrations in his chest when Seokmin said: “Thank you for sharing, Hao. I’m sorry you went through all that while alone in a new city.”
“I was thinking the other night actually… that if I knew you when I met Lyle that you would have never let me be with someone like him.” Minghao chuckled.
“No, never.” Seokmin muttered.
─•────☽𖤓☾────•─
The party could be heard down the hallway when Minghao opened the front door to the apartment building. Seokmin hummed as he closed the door behind them, cutting off the slight evening breeze and sealing them in the stifling warmth of an old unventilated building. This shindig was hosted by a friend of Seokmins’ from his acting class last semester. Minghao wasn’t much of a party person, but he only had a couple weeks left with Seokmin until he went back to California for the summer. So he wasn’t going to waste a night away from his best friend because he “wasn’t a party person.”
Seokmin took the lead down the hallway, knocking once before opening the door onto a scene of dancing university students packed in like sardines. They entered and closed the door behind them, Minghao getting elbowed twice within seconds of trying to maneuver their way through the crowd. “How the fuck are they managing this? My neighbors would call the cops in a heartbeat.” Minghao practically shouted into Seokmin’s ear.
“I think James is pretty rich. Well… his family. So he can usually pay his neighbors off.” Seokmin shrugged, reaching back to grab Minghao’s hand so they could finally make their way into the kitchen.
Just as they stepped through the doorway, Minghao and Seokmin were bowled into by an already drunk Seungkwan. “You came!” He yelled.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t we?” Seokmin laughed, helping right Seungkwan and walking in further. He placed the soju down on the counter and turned to Minghao, hand outstretched. Minghao handed over the gatorade wordlessly, their fingers brushing lightly as he did.
“Minghao doesn’t like parties. And you like Minghao.” Seungkwan replied, eyebrows lifted and eyes wide. Incredulous, like he was offended Seokmin had asked.
Seokmin laughed, but Minghao could see the tips of ears turn red. “I do like Minghao but he also likes me, right Hao?”
Minghao blinked once, catching up with the conversation. “Right, of course.” Seokmin handed him one of his classic concoctions that Minghao had come to love. It was plain soju and red gatorade with a tiny bit of water. It was both hydrating and got you messed up fast. Minghao hadn’t had a hangover once since becoming friends with Seokmin.
Seungkwan leaned back against his tall tree of a boyfriend, leaning his head up and pouting out his lips. Mingyu smiled before leaning down to kiss him. They’d only been dating a few months, clearly still in their honeymoon phase.
“It’s too early in the night for PDA.” Jeonghan murmured from his spot sitting on the counter, face contorted in disgust.
“Agreed.” Minghao nodded, taking a sip of his drink and leaning against the counter next to Seokmin.
“Don’t be haters, they’re cute.” Seokmin chastised, glaring at Jeonghan and then bumping his hip against Minghao’s.
“I’ve seen cuter.” Jeonghan shrugged.
“How dare you!” Seungkwan slurred.
“Baby, he’s pushing your buttons.” Mingyu giggled, kissing the crown of Seungkwan’s head and pulling him closer by the waist. Both being affectionate and stopping Seungkwan from reaching over and swinging at Jeonghan. A classic Mingyu combo.
“Speaking of annoying couples,” Jeonghan droned, turning his attention to Seokmin and Minghao, making Minghao’s heart rate skyrocket, “Seokie, I’ve noticed you haven’t been on any dates in awhile. Like months.”
“Yeah,” Seokmin mused, pouting his lips a little, he glanced at Minghao who smiled, but felt like this was a trap, “Aren’t you happy? That means less PDA around you.”
Jeonghan snorted before taking a sip of his beer. “I’m not a complete scrooge about love. I want you guys to be happy. I’m seeing a guy right now actually and he has a cute friend. I was thinking… we could do a double date.”
Minghao froze, his eyes scanning Seokmin from head to toe. He hadn’t really noticed that Seokmin wasn’t going on dates anymore. Or maybe he had? And it was just that he was so happy to spend more time with his best friend. He didn't care if Seokmin dated though. He knew their friendship was solid.
“I appreciate that Hannie but… it doesn't really make sense for me right now! I leave in like two weeks to go home for the summer. So the most it could be right now is a hookup.” Seokmin took a sip of his drink and Minghao found himself nodding along. That was all true. Seokmin wasn’t really into hookups without anything serious attached.
“Seok,” Jeonghan started, making meaningful eye contact with Minghao first before staring down his best friend, “Are you just closing things off because…”
“Stop, you’re being annoying now. I’ll date when I wanna date.” Seokmin stated, standing up straight and grabbing Minghao’s hand. “We’re gonna dance.”
“Can we dance, babe?” Seungkwan asked, lighting up and tuning back into the conversation.
“Can you stand on your own?” Mingyu questioned in return.
Seungkwan stuck his tongue out before grabbing his boyfriend's hand and dragging him towards the door. “Let’s go guys.”
─•────☽𖤓☾────•─
Minghao felt some weird kind of whiplash when he walked out of his last class of the spring semester. He’d only been in the United States about 6 months, yet it already felt like he’d live an entire lifetime there. But even with the weird sense of uncertainty in his bones, finals were long submitted, summer was on its way, and Seokmin…
Was going to go back to California to see his family…. Oh.
Minghao wasn’t sure why he was shocked about that, it made sense. But still, when Seokmin had dropped his summer plans so casually a couple weeks back, he seemed to be the only one taken back. Seungkwan and Mingyu seemed unphased, most likely because they too would be hopping on a flight to see their own families for the break. But Minghao hadn’t planned a trip back to see his family in China.
The one silver lining in this, was that Seokmin suggested they have what he dubbed a ‘best friend’ date’, just the two of them. Spending the entire day doing their favorite things together and ending it with the last sleepover of their freshman year.
That was how, the Saturday before Seokmin had to head to the airport, they found themselves at their favorite family-run diner, and roaming the Metropolitan Museum of Art for hours staring at every painting they’d already seen when Minghao needed to come for a class project back in March. They’d spent time wandering a new limited-edition exhibit of landscape paintings around the world, something Minghao knew he’d be going to at some point over the summer regardless of who it was with. But instead of looking at the paintings like he’d intended, he couldn’t help but look at Seokmin, who was standing at his side like he was glued there. He hadn’t let go of Minghao since they’d left the diner that morning. “We can go shopping whenever.” He said, finally catching Seokmin's attention. He simply shook his head.
“I’m not in a rush.”
“You shouldn’t say that… you have to be up early tomorrow, so we can’t stay out late.” Seokmin giggled.
“I already know where I want to shop, so it’s not a big deal,” he assured. “We can stay as long as you want, Hao.”
“You sure?” Seokmin nodded, still smiling as he latched onto Minghao’s arm. Minghao looked down at the link between them, his other hand slipping into his pocket. “Okay. Well, then let’s at least stop and get something to snack on after. Your pick.” Seokmin’s grin widened.
“Mmm, I’m going to miss you all summer, Hao.” He huffed. “My friends back home aren’t nearly as nice to me.” Minghao couldn’t help but laugh, his eyes diverting back to the collection of paintings as the space between them fell back into comfortable silence.
After their museum trip, it was about a 40 minute walk back to Time Square with a pit stop to get some crepes and drinks, but Seokmin finally made a beeline into a handful of his favorite shopping spots. He seemed to be on a mission, Minghao just idly following beside him. While Seokmin was hunting, he turned his attention to a rack of incense on the left corner of a small store. He needed some new ones, so might as well stock up. Seokmin could be heard rummaging nearby, speaking with the shopkeeper about something before heading further into the store. Minghao pulled out a few incense bundles, Jasmine and Lemongrass to be specific.
He was paying at the counter when Seokmin returned, his hand suspiciously behind his back. Minghao looked over, unable to hide the slightly amused smile.
“What are you getting?” Minghao asked.
“Something for my mom.” He said. Despite this, he didn’t seem to take a step closer. Minghao tilted his head. When he walked closer, Seokmin’s arms flexed, a nervous smile on his face.
“Can I see?”
“No.” He turned his nose up. “You’ll judge me.”
“Jud- Min, do you know me?” He gasped, eyes widening a bit. “I would never.”
“Mmm, turn around.” He motioned to the door. “It’s not for you, nosey.” Despite his confusion, Minghao knew not to argue with Seokmin when he was being this dramatic, so he simply turned around and headed to the front door, waiting outside until Seokmin skipped out with a little brown bag and a smile on his face.
“Satisfied?” Minghao asked. He couldn’t help but eye the bag in Seokmin’s grip. “Whatever this is, I hope it’s important.”
Seokmin nodded his head as the duo started off down one of the bustling streets, towards Times Square. “It is.” He insisted.
By the time evening settled over the city, and the sky began to dim just a bit, Seokmin and Minghao returned to Minghao’s apartment. He’d already set up everything for their sleepover early in the morning; the floor-length fort covered in fairy lights, the ice cream bar in the kitchen. All of it was ready, set up the way it always was, so the immediate feeling of familiarity welcomed the exhausted duo back into the apartment.
Both of them were too tired from the day's events to do much of anything, changing into their pajamas and sprawling out on the floor. Neither spoke, their bodies heavy under the plush sheets. Minghao felt that he wanted to say something, but he wasn’t sure if it was the heaviness of his breaths or something else keeping him silent. But when he finally managed to loll his head towards Seokmin, only to see him staring up at the ceiling, he found the ability to say something.
“I’ll miss you too…” Seokmin looked over, his eyes slightly wide. “This summer….”
Seokmin finally smiled a bit. “I’m sorry. You’ll be lonely.”
“Nah.” He shook his head. “I’ll be painting. And Seungcheol said he’ll be around. So I won’t be alone….”
“I know you won’t be alone. I didn’t say that.” Seokmin sat up, Minghao’s eyes following. His eyes sat on Seokmin’s back, his shoulders rolling a bit. He turned to his side, digging for something. Did he bring something into their fort? Minghao tilted his head, but didn’t say anything, far too curious to see what was going to happen. “Here.” Seokmin turned around, holding a closed fist out in Minghao’s direction.
Minghao finally sat up, his eyes ping ponging between Seokmin’s hand and his expression. His friend’s eyes were down in his lap, his cheeks uncharacteristically red. He almost looked… nervous?
“What is this?” Minghao asked, chuckling. He reached forward, gently opening Seokmin’s hand as a little black band fell from it. Minghao quickly reached out to grab it. A black bracelet, with the white half of a Yin and Yang circle in the center. He blinked. “What… is this?” he asked again, finally tilting his head to catch Seokmin’s gaze.
Seokmin pursed his lips together, holding up his other hand. A matching white bracelet hung from his grip, and Minghao blinked. “I got them at the store for us. I wanted to surprise you.”
“Oh…” Minghao blinked.
“Do you not like it?” Seokmin’s eyes widened. “I thought it looked very you, and they matched, so….”
“No! No, I like it.” Minghao smiled reassuringly. “I like it a lot. Thank you. But you didn’t have to get me anything, I didn’t get you anything.”
“I wanted to…” Seokmin said sheepishly. “Besides, how else will you remember me while I’m away?”
Minghao laughed. “I don’t think I could forget about you if I tried, Min.” The duo slipped the bracelets on their wrists, Seokmin immediately leaning forward to press their wrists together, the charms lining up almost perfectly. “I’ll keep it on all summer.”
“Me too.” Seokmin nodded in agreement.
─•────☽𖤓☾────•─
The sun setting above the Brooklyn Bridge was so beautiful it made Minghao want to paint it. It was moments like these, when he was away from his supplies, that Minghao wished painting was a more portable hobby. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and snapped a few photos, trying to catch the different hues of orange, yellow and pink as best as possible. It wasn’t the same as being able to paint while looking at your subject, but it would do.
Seungcheol sighed from his spot beside him, lying stretched out like a cat on the blanket they had placed down on his apartment building's roof. His eyes were closed, and he had a contented smile on his face. “I wish school wasn’t starting up so soon.” He muttered, his smile slowly turning into a frown.
Minghao shrugged at that, taking a sip of the beer Seungcheol had bought for them. He scrunched up his nose as the liquid passed his lips. He wasn’t a huge beer fan, but he also wasn’t of legal age in the US so he took what he could get. “I’m honestly fine with it. It means Seokmin is coming back soon.”
Seungcheol stretched his arms above his head then sat up, blinking a couple times as his eyes adjusted to the bright sun hovering just above the horizon. Almost eye level with them exactly. “You really like Seokmin, huh?”
Minghao furrowed his brows. “I mean, yeah.” He glanced down at the bracelet, still sitting comfortably on his wrist now just like it had everyday since he received it back in May. “He’s my best friend.”
Seungcheol picked up his own beer, pouting his lips. “Jihoon is my best friend. And I don’t talk about him or hangout with him nearly as much as you do with Seokmin.” He replied.
“So? Not all friendships are the same.” Minghao muttered. He knew where this conversation was going and he was already dreading it. It felt like everyone around him was obsessed with romantic relationships.
“I just… I know you’ve said you aren’t into Seokmin like that…” Seungcheol started.
“I’m not.” Minghao intoned, looking over at Seungcheol with an eyebrow raised.
“Why not?” Seungcheol questioned.
Minghao sucked in a breath, letting it out slowly. He knew Seungcheol didn’t mean anything by it and if Minghao told him to drop it, he would. Minghao looked back at the horizon, the sun almost gone now and the sky was now a mix of pink, purple and blue. “Seokmin is cute. And he’s an amazing person. It’s not that I’m not attracted to him or anything but… I’m just not a love guy. I know so many relationships that haven’t worked out. My parents got divorced when I was 15…”
When Seungcheol was silent, Minghao looked over at him to see his friend's gaze focused and intent. A sign to keep talking, that he was listening.
“Then I got in a pretty toxic relationship while in London. Life is so unpredictable and romantic love is tumultuous. Relationships can destroy something that was once beautiful and comforting. What I have with Seokmin right now is good. It’s stable. Friendships can ebb and flow, and of course we could have a fight, but if we did, it would be a different type of hurt. I feel better knowing the connections I’m making now aren’t based on lust or excitement, but on steady ground. Deep talks and kindness. I don’t know how to explain it.”
Seungcheol hummed, picking up his drink again. “Friendships can also become great relationships though.”
“Yeah, but that would make things complicated. Things are simple right now. Like that sunset we just saw. Consistent. Beautiful. Relaxing. I’m happy this way. Seokmin is too. And I don’t want to date him, not really.” Minghao sighed. He wished someone would understand him when he talked about this. At least Seokmin never pushed. After their conversation at their sleepover, he never brought up dating or relationships with Minghao again.
“It just feels like… I mean, I don’t know him like you do…” Seungcheol mumbled.
“You don’t know him like I do.” Minghao frowned.
“I know, I just said that,” Seungcheol chuckled, making Minghao loosen up. His shoulders moving away from his ears, his body seemingly tensed without him realizing, “It just seems like Seokmin has a crush on you, maybe.”
“He doesn’t. We tell each other everything. He’s never once said he had any feelings like that for me.” Minghao responded, firm.
His friend leaned over, nudging Minghao’s ribs with his elbow. “Yeah, sorry Hao, you guys are just different than any friends I’ve seen. But that doesn’t mean there has to be anything more.”
“You’re right, we are special. I do love him. Just not… in a romantic way. It’s very soothing. Muted. Like the sky now.”
“Whatever makes you happy man.” Seungcheol laughed, sighing again before laying back against the blanket.
“You buying me dinner makes me happy.” Minghao said, smiling wider as Seungcheol cracked open one of his eyes.
“Fine, but you really are buying next time.” Seungcheol pouted.
“Sure I am!” Minghao giggled. Seungcheol said that every time. Minghao had paid for their meal exactly once since they’d become friends. Apparently Seungcheol had a hard time saying no to him.
“Ugh, here take my phone and choose a place. But no more vegan stuff, I can only take so much.” Seungcheol replied, lifting his right hip to remove his phone from his back pocket and handing it over.
“I’m a vegetarian, not vegan. And I thought you liked the tofu dish we got last time!” Minghao exclaimed, taking the phone and entering Seungcheol’s password.
“I said it was okay.” His friend cringed.
Minghao let out a laugh then, scrolling through a list of nearby restaurants with vegetarian options. “Okay, okay. I’ll spare you this time.”
The relief in Seungcheol’s voice was palpable when he replied: “Thank god.”
When Minghao got home that night, he checked his phone to see five texts from Seokmin, chronicling his packing process and he smiled. His best friend would be back in the city in less than five days. He would be starting his sophomore year with Seokmin by his side and it made him look forward to his future.