Chapter Text
By SassyEggs.
Right now you’re probably thinking ‘what in all seven hells is this?’
The most basic definition is that it’s a co-op fic, one story written by multiple authors.
Scratch the surface and it is an exercise in insanity. Sure, you’ll recognize some familiar characters, maybe even a few familiar ships. But for the most part all bets are off, because what’s the fun of making a modern AU and not showcasing all sorts of different beautiful people in roles we know and love. Canon-schmanon folks.
The best part (for us) is the surprise in what everyone else comes up with. We’ve all claimed our ships and are sticking to general storylines but past that we really don’t know what each other is doing. It rolls out semi-organically yet somehow is still semi-cohesive.
If by now you’re thinking ‘this sounds like a great way to kill a few hours, too bad I never signed up’ then I have some great news for you! YOU CAN STILL SIGN UP! As long as it sticks to the general story already presented then literally ANYTHING goes.
And if you are tempted to write one of the ships here, PLEASE NOTE:
ALL SHIPS ARE UP FOR GRABS!! REPEAT: ALL SHIPS LISTED ARE UP FOR GRABS!!
The only reason we have people claiming them is so they get to introduce that ship. After it’s introduced, it’s open to all. Just drop a note in the comments or send a message on Tumblr and we’ll get you all set up.
So come join the circus/shit show/happy insanity. It’s the BBP experience you never knew you wanted or needed. Sort of like a tetanus shot.
A tetanus shot of LOVE!
Wait, where are you going?
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Baratheon Brothers Present
Chapter 2: Cast of characters - by Paperflowecrowns
Chapter 3: The Quantum of Consciousness - Robb/Wylla by SassyEggs
Chapter 4: This wasn't on my bucket list - Gregor/Walda by Sarahcakes613
Chapter 5: Still Waters - Brienne/Tormund by HardlyFatal
Chapter 6: A girl fleeing on a dying horse - Alys/Sigorn by UnderCoverMarsupial
Chapter 7: ODB - Arianne/Sandor/Dacey by Jillypups
Chapter 8: Fake Boyfriends, The Wrong Sandwich, and The Lusty OBGYN - Willas/Oberyn, and Varys/??? by AsbestosMouth
Chapter 9: Immaculate Conception and The Tired Ranting Of An Angry Old Man - Melisandre/ Selyse by SassyClassy_ass
Chapter 10: Is that a cucumber or are you just pleased to see me? - Robert/Cersei by Cecilia1204
Chapter 11: Putting the 'bae' in 'Baelor College' - Rickon/Lyanna by CynicInAFishbowl
Chapter 12: Braxton Hicks is a Dick - Asha/Dany by SassyEggs
Chapter 13: Land O' Lakes - Bronn et al by Jillypups
Chapter 14: Blood is red, cyanosis is blue, I get tachycardia when I think of you - Jaime/Olenna by Sarahcakes613
Chapter 15: The Hot Doc - Jonsa by paperflowercrowns
Chapter 16: Kiss and Make Up - Wylla/Robb by SassyEggs
Chapter 17: Innuendo: Not A Place In Spain - Willas/Oberyn and Varys/??? by AsbestosMouth
Chapter 18: It's like Pandora's Box - Robert/Cersei by Cecilia1204
Chapter 19: That goddamned ankle bone - Margaery&Sansa et al by Jillypups
Chapter 20: Doesn't *everyone* keep an emergency dildo in their work locker? - Brienne/Tormund by HardlyFatal
Chapter 21: A Man is an Island – by swimmingfox
Chapter 22: Paint Me Like One of Your French Girls – by sarahcakes613
Chapter 23: Here Kitty, Kitty! – by Cecilia1204
Chapter 24: Yo, I tell you what I want, what I really really want - by Jillypups
Chapter 25: Dessert? Anyone? - by Naturesinmyeye
Chapter 26: You butter believe it! - by sarahcakes613
Chapter 27: That Schrodinger Hack - by Naturesinmyeye
Chapter 28: Just Another ER Afternoon – by ZoeSong
Chapter 29: It is, it is a glorious thing to be a pirate king - by CynicInAFishbowl
Chapter 30: Sweeter than honey - by SassyEggs
Chapter 31: Purple Rain - by Asbestos Mouth
Chapter 32: Cool for Cats - by Cecilia1204
Chapter 33: When a Man Loves a Woman - Jaqen/Osha by swimmingfox
Chapter 34: School Is In Session – by HardlyFatal
Chapter 35: Panic! At the OB/GYN Desk - Oberyn/Willas by AsbestosMouth
Chapter 36: Demolition Woman, Can I be Your Man? - Bronn/Margaery by Jillypups
Chapter 37: Winter is Here – by ZoeSong
Chapter 38: Meanwhile, in the dank, dark recesses of a group chat... - by CynicInAFishBowl
Chapter 39: Salty - by Jillypups
Chapter 40: Homeward Bound - by Cecilia1204
Chapter 41: The Naked And The Stoned – by AsbestosMouth
Ships:
Sandor/Dacey/Arianne: Jillypups
Drogo/Jeyne: VanillaCoconuts
Jon/Sansa: Paperflowercrowns
Gregor/Walda: Sarahcakes613
Robb/Wylla: Sassyeggs74
Rickon/Lyanna: CynicInAFishbowl
Robert/Cersei (who are madly in love): Cecilia1204
Brienne/Tormund: HardlyFatal
Oberyn/Willas: AsbestosMouth
Alys/Sigorn: UnderCoverMarsupial
Ramsay/Qyburn: Naturesinmyeye
Melisandre/Selyse: SassyClassy_ass
Bronn/Margaery: Jillypups
Podrick/Arya: Paperflowercrowns
Olenna/Jaime (much to his horror): Sarahcakes613
Bran/Shireen: CynicInAFishbowl
Dany/Asha: (who are married, Asha is pregnant) SassyEggs
Varys/MysteryDate: AsbestosMouth
Jaqen: Swimmingfox
Tommen/his cats (asexual): Cecilia1204
Stannis/Davos:
Benjen/Missendei:
Ned/Cat:
Mya/Lothor:
Meera/Gendry:
Theon/Jojen (much to repressed Theon’s surprise):
Sam/Gilly:
Tywin/Ygritte:
Val/Myrcella: Loras/Renly:
Roles:
Administration:
Varys (irritated at socialized health care – would like to bleed everyone dry)
Tywin (law counsel)
Willas
Tyrion
Shae (CFO – insisted on budgeting for silk hospital gowns)
Chief of Medicine
Davos
Heads of Surgery
Stannis, retiring
Dany
Doctors
Jon Snow - ER
Davos
Oberyn
Olenna
Maege
Catelyn (pediatrics)
Ilyn Payne (orthopedic surgeon, the one who accidentally amputated Jaime’s hand after he sprained his wrist)
Renly (who thinks HE should be head of surgery when Stannis retires)
Medical Examiners
Ramsay
Jaqen
Qyburn
Lab Research/Techs
Missendei
Jojen
Bran
Shireen (tech)
Sam
Paramedics
Sandor
Tormund
Brienne
Dacey
EMT
Arya
Meera
Grenn
Pyp
Edd
Residents
Sansa
Margaery
Podrick
Chaplains
Thoros
Melisandre
High Sparrow
Nurses
Jaime (was a doctor but switched professions after accidental amputation)
Arys
Loras
Meryn
Osha – geriatrics
Candy Striper
Alys
Ros
Cafeteria Chef
Hot Pie
Hodor
Janitorial Staff
Bronn
Gendry
Joffrey
Edd
Patients/Non-Employees
Benjen fell off the roof
Gregor got his head stuck in a bucket
Robert ‘swallowed’ something
Beric the stuntman
Theon the sexually repressed idiot, sympathy labor pains for Asha
Jorah the hypochondriac who comes in trying to see Dany
Drogo the South American rodeo star
Lyanna, Rickon’s girlfriend
Asha, Dany’s pregnant wife, in labor
Tommen
Wylla, yoga accident
https://www.tumblr.com/blog/baratheonbrotherspresent
By Paperflowercrowns.
To clear up some confusion, this is the complete list of head canons for the ATMH fic. The ages listed are a rough estimation by the BBP team!
Ships
Sandor/Dacey/Arianne:
Idris Elba/Dia Mirza/Inma Cuesta, early 40s, mid 30s, late 30s
Drogo/Jeyne:
Jason Momoa/Astrid Berges-Frisbey, mid 30s and almost 30
Jon/Sansa:
Kit Harington/Sophie Turner, aged 32 and 29
Bronn/Margaery:
Luke Evans/Natalie Dormer, late thirties and mid 30s
Gregor/Walda:
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson/Sharon Rooney, mid 30s
Robb/Wylla:
Richard Madden/Kesha (Yes for real!), 32
Rickon/Lyanna:
Ash Stymest/Noami Scott 21
Bran/Shireen:
Ezra Miller/Felicity Jones mid 20s and late 20s
Dany/Asha: (who are married, Asha is pregnant)
Emilia Clarke/Gemma Whelan, early 30s
Stannis/Davos:
Stephen Dillane/Liam Cunningham, 50-60
Robert/Cersei: (who are madly in love)
Mark Addy/Lena Headey, 50s
Podrick/Arya:
Daniel Portman/Maisie Williams, late 20s and early 20s
Benjen/Missendei:
Joseph Mawle/Nathalie Emmanuel, mid 40s and mid 30s
Brienne/Tormund:
Gwendoline Christie/Kristofer Hivju, mid 30s
Oberyn/Willas:
Pedro Pascal/Tom Mison, 30s
Alys/Sigorn:
Kaya Scodelario/Robert LaSardo, early 20s, mid 20s
Ned/Cat:
Sean Bean/Michelle Fairley, 50′s
Mya/Lothor:
Tuppence Middleton/Callum Keith Rennie, 30s and 40s
Meera/Gendry:
Ellie Kendrick/Joe Dempsie, late 20s
Theon/Jojen (much to repressed Theon’s surprise):
Alfie Allen/Thomas Brodie-Sangster, late 20s
Olenna/Jaime (much to his horror):
Diana Rigg/Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, 70 and 50
Ramsay/Qyburn:
Iwan Rheon/Anton Lesser late 20s, mid 40s
Loras/Renly:
Finn Jones/Gethin Anthony, mid 30′s
Sam/Gilly:
John Bradley/Hannah Murray, early 30s
Tommen/his cats (asexual):
Dean-Charles Chapman, 20, cats varied ages
Tywin/Ygritte:
Charles Dance/Rose Leslie, 60s and early 30s
Val/Myrcella:
Kathryn Winnick/Yael Grobgals, late 30s, late 20s
Misc Characters
Melisandre Lucy Liu
Tyrion Peter Dinklage, 40′s
Varys Conleth Hill, 40′s
Thoros Paul Kaye, 40′s
Beric’s Corpse Richard Dormer, 40′s
Edd Ben Crompton, late 30′s
Pyp Josef Atin, 30′s
Grenn Mark Stanley, 30′s
Hot Pie Ben Hawkey, 20′s